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Holding On	By : Buffygirl Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > FemmeSlash - Female/Female > Buffy/Faith Views: 2910 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not make any money from this story. I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer nor any of the characters.

Chapter List
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It’s really hard to keep things from Willow. I’ve learned that lesson more than once. Usually the hard way. She was watching me right now. With everything that had been going on, I’d been a lot more tired lately. Afraid of sleeping, I guess. I guess I was more sleepy than I thought because after the phone call with Cordy and Faith I must have fallen asleep. When I woke up, Willow was sitting in the chair beside my bed.
“How are you feeling?”
I groaned. I didn’t know how to answer that. My head hurt, but I guess… well that was to be expected, wasn’t it? But my heart – that was what was killing me at the moment.
“Do you think I made a mistake?” I could at least trust her to tell me the truth. Even if I didn’t always want to hear it.
“I think you should tell her, if that’s what you’re asking.”
“I guess…”
“I talked to Fred. She said that Faith probably overheard her. She didn’t tell her anything and…” she looked at me and smiled a bit. She was hedging.
“And?”
“Okay, so don’t get mad. I couldn’t really stop them. I did try to call Cordy, but she didn’t answer. She so sent me to voicemail. I hate when people do that.”
“Wills?”

“Okay, so they are coming here.”
Damn it. I couldn’t deal with this right now. “Who is coming here?”
“Wes and Fred are staying. They are looking into a more supernatural diagnosis.”
I nodded. She told me she was going to ask them for help. Though I didn’t particularly trust Wes, I did trust Fred. I had only met her a couple of times, but she seemed sincere. Even after everything they told her. Of course, I think she had a little bit of a crush on Willow.
“But the rest of them are. She said they mentioned the fact that Faith needed clothes if she was staying there. Apparently everything is here and she didn’t think that far ahead. “
I scoffed. “Well apparently, she didn’t know she was going to hook up with a skank.”
Willow shook her head. “Cordy tends to exaggerate. Faith isn’t stupid. Aggravating sometimes. Impetuous. Always. A flirt. But…”
“You really aren’t helping matters.”
“But, you are probably the stupid one.”

Huh? “Huh?”
“Come on Buffy… she hangs on your every word. You know that. She is only here because of you. And good god, it took her almost ten years to get up the nerve to even come back. I wonder what the hell she went through to find the courage to even do it.”
I’d wondered the same thing.
Willow smiled, “When we were kids, I was so jealous of Faith. The way she wanted, no you know what, needed your attention. Now I just feel sorry for her.”
Should I even ask? “What do you mean?”
“Fred told me when she lived there, after everything… when we moved on and didn’t take her with us…”
I didn’t want to remember that. Did I have to?
“She said that Faith was, that she went through some things.” I started to ask, but she held up her hand, “Don’t. She didn’t elaborate. All I know is something happened six months ago. Something that told Faith she needed to come here. Something that was bad enough that she swallowed a decade’s worth of pride to do it. I don’t know what it was. Neither did Fred. Apparently, no one did. Except Faith.”
I shook my head. “She never said that.”
“Well nothing was bad, was it? Not until…”
“There’s no way she could have known about this, Willow. You know that. This isn’t supernatural. And we know that too. No matter what you think. It’s hereditary. I’m sick. That’s it. I have cancer.”
I said it aloud. It sounded weird. I could see the tears start to fall.
“Don’t Willow. Please. I don’t want to do this anymore. I can’t watch you cry. It’s too much. I am tired of feeling sorry for myself.”
“How were you going to get rid of Faith?”
“What do you mean?”
“Tomorrow’s your surgery. You knew Faith wouldn’t go with the others. Did you plan on her running to Angel’s?”
I’d paid for a vacation. For Xander, Dawn, and Kennedy. We all needed it. They jumped at the chance to go to Hawaii. Willow and I told them we had to meet with her Coven. We said they had information that we needed to obtain. An oracle. The first. Sketchy and we weren’t sure it was true. They completely swallowed it. It was Hawaii after all. But Faith had said no. She said she was going with us. We were just going to leave and go the hospital early, before she got up. “I was going to call her and tell her it was too dangerous.”
“Right… that would have worked so well.” Sarcasm, thy name is Willow.
“Well, you have to admit her running to Angel’s was good.”
“Except they are on their way here…”
“Except that.”
“So?”
I shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t know. What am I supposed to do? ‘Hey guys. Thanks for visiting. Please leave. I’m having both of my breasts removed tomorrow and I need a little alone time with them.’ Think that’ll work?”
Willow laughed. “Not a chance. If it wasn’t so scary, it would kind of be funny. Truthfully?” She raised her eyebrow in question. I nodded. “Truthfully, I think maybe you should tell them. I don’t know if I can…” her voice choked and she trailed off.
I hugged her. “I’m sorry. I know this hard. I shouldn’t have done this to you.”
She shook her head, “No, I’m going with you. I just wish I could stop it. All the magic in the world and I can’t fix it. I don’t want you to hurt. I don’t want you to…”
“Die,” I finished so softly I wasn’t sure if she heard me.
“What?” I heard Angel’s voice behind me. For Christ’s sake, I hadn’t even heard them come in.
I turned around, slowly. I wondered if I just closed my eyes, they would disappear. All of this would just disappear. I opened them. Shit.
“What is she talking about Buffy?” Cordelia asked.
Faith was standing behind them. Softly shaking her head. She just kept opening and closing her mouth. “I…I…”
I looked at Angel, “What did you hear?”
He looked at me. Oh god, don’t cry. If they started crying, I was so going to scream. “ Willow doesn’t want you to…”
Faith whispered behind him. “…die.”
Cordelia spoke up. She looked to Willow. “I think you two need to explain some things.”
“You know what Cordelia,” Willow said, “I don’t know what you think you need to know, but this isn’t about you. Buffy’s the one that’s going to have to talk to you. And if she doesn’t want to, she doesn’t have to. And if any of you think you are going to come in here and do anything, you are going to have to go through me. And trust me, I am a helluva lot scarier than I used to be. So I’d just sit down and shut up.”
Gunn moved in between them. I didn’t even see him. Weird. “Okay, let’s all calm down.” He smiled over at me. “Buffy… good to see you.”
“Hi, Gunn.”
He sat down on the table and looked at the medicine bottle next to me. I should have grabbed it, but really, what was the point?
“How long have you known?”
I raised an eyebrow at him.
“Tamoxifen. My mom took it.”
I sighed, “a week.”
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Holding On