Once More With Feeling | By : TiffersTaffy Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > Het - Male/Female > Buffy/Giles Views: 4209 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own "Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or it's characters. I do not make any money from this story. |
Chapter 3:
Life's Trials
"Xand, that
breakfast was delicious."
Buffy smiled as
everyone nodded. The group was all very full from pancakes,
waffles, and other delicious breakfast goodies. Buffy looked over
at Dawn, and all her other friends. She felt so blessed, to have
all of her friends sharing in her time of grief. Dawn was taking it
worse than anyone else was, and Buffy could understand. Dawn had
always been close to her mother in her mind. They had a bond that
Buffy and Dawn had not developed. She just hoped things would
change. Buffy would now be in charge of her sister, and she did not
know if she would be able to do it. All she knew was that she
needed her friends now, and the person she needed the most, was
Giles. She did not know why, but that is just the way it was.
"Xander, it
was awesome. Thank you!"
Dawn got up and
hugged Xander after speaking. Xander hugged her back as Anya and
Willow began to pick up the dishes. Buffy sipped on some orange
juice as Giles sat across from her, watching her. She was so
depressed, and he could feel it. He did not want her to be sad, and
he could not help but feel the pain in his heart for her. It was
one of the worst things for him, was to know that she was suffering
and he couldn't comfort her like she needed to be. It made his
heart ache for her, and want to be there for her, in more than he
was.
He just did not
know what he was going to do. He had to get rid of his feelings for
her. He could not be with her. He just could not. She needed
someone her own age, some one strong and protective. Not an old man
who was all alone, and had not loved anyone since Jenny. Sure, he
had been with Olivia, but that was more a middle age crisis type
thing, as Buffy had reminded him. She had said it was gross, as he
remembered. But he had just been with Olivia, because he was
depressed with Buffy going off to college and her not needing him
anymore. However, now he was needed again, and it made him feel
better. He looked back over at Dawn as she moved over to him,
wrapping her arms around his shoulders. It made Giles a little bit
more comfortable with his feelings, and knowing that Dawn was
trying to support him.
"Buffy, what
do you want to do today?"
"Um, I think
I'll try to start preparing for the funeral, Dawn…"
"Are you
sure? I mean, I thought we could have some fun?"
Buffy sighed as
she looked down at her orange juice. She knew that she should
probably get out and not think so much about her mother, but she
knew that she was not ready to go out and face the world quite yet.
Dawn watched her sister, and knew she felt the same way, but she
had never seen her sister so down in the dumps. It bothered her.
She looked down at Giles, and he nodded, speaking up softly.
"Buffy, I
think your sister and you should spend some time together today. We
can deal with the funeral arrangements tomorrow."
Buffy looked up at
him, not believing a word she had just heard. Giles would usually
be the one to put stuff like getting ready for a funeral ahead of
anything else. Nevertheless, maybe he was just trying to help her
not feel so sad. She smiled softly, glad that he was there to take
care of her, and love her. If she did not have anyone but her
sister and her friends, she did not know what she would do. Giles
had always been like a father, or an older brother, to her. He had
always taken care of her, and she did not know what life would be
like without him. Buffy sighed as she moved a piece of her hair.
"I don't know
if I'm ready to face the world yet, Giles."
Giles sighed as he
got up, looking over at Buffy as he walked forward, and sat down
beside her. He could see in her eyes that she just did not want to
leave. She just did not think she was ready to go out of the house
yet. Giles placed a hand on her shoulder, stroking it softly. Buffy
looked up at him, a blush forming on her face as well as his.
"Buffy, you
know, staying around the house is not going to be good for you. Go
out. Have fun. I'll take care of the house."
Buffy smiled
softly as she looked into his eyes. She felt the connection once
more, the feeling, and it pulsated through her whole body. She
looked down at the floor, sitting up and pulling his hand softly
off her shoulder. She did not like that feeling. A part of her
loved it, and the other part...it did not feel right. Buffy felt
him pull his hand away from her clutches. She watched him standing
up, as he turned his back to her. She looked down at the floor,
kicking herself for hurting him. She stood up, and looked back over
at Dawn.
"Um, Dawn,
can you leave us for a minute. I have to talk to Giles."
"Sure."
She watched Dawn
leave the dinning room, closing the door to the kitchen behind her.
She turned back to start talking to Giles, and saw that he had
left. She looked around and saw him sitting in the living room on
the couch, his head in his hands. She titled her head before she
walked back over to him, sitting down beside him.
"Giles?"
He lifted his head
as there eyes met, and she saw that his eyes were red. Had he been
crying? Giles, crying? She had not seen that since Jenny had died.
She titled her head, as he got up once more.
"Buffy, I
don't want to talk about it."
"Why are you
getting all avoidy on me? Are you mad at me or something?"
She asked as she
looked back over at him, with his back turned to her. She did not
understand why he was acting the way he was. What was his problem?
Had she really hurt him so bad just by pushing his hand from her
shoulder? She watched him turn back around, and spoke up in a soft,
calm voice.
"Buffy, I'm
not mad at you…"
"Then why are
you avoiding me."
"It's none of
your concern. It is an old man regretting things…having
feeling things he shouldn't be feeling…. Buffy, just go out
and have fun."
Buffy didn't know
what to say, or to think. She stood up and walked over to him,
putting a hand on his shoulder. What was he feeling? Had he felt
the spark between them? She sighed as he turned to face her,
looking down into her eyes. She reached up and touched his face,
stroking it softly. He stared at her in disbelief, as though
realizing what she was trying to tell him. He spoke, his voice
cracking as he did so.
"You feel it
too?"
"Every
second."
Buffy blushed as
she dropped her hand, before looking around. Giles was feeling the
same feelings, and he did not seem bothered by them. So, why was
she? Was it that hard for her to imagine the two of them together?
She heard the footsteps in the hallway, to see her sister standing
there.
"Sorry…"
"No Dawn, its
ok. We're going out…I…I need some air."
She walked over to
the door, grabbed her purse, and her jacket, and walked out the
door, letting it slam behind her. Giles cringed at the sound of the
door, and he had to hold everything in just to keep from not crying
his eyes out. He made his way over to the couch, taking off his
glasses and holding his head in his hands. Dawn looked back over at
him, walking over to him, sitting down beside him.
"You ok?"
"I'm not
sure, Dawn. I don't think Buffy is…"
"Don't worry.
I'll talk to her."
"Dawn…you
don't…"
"Yes I do.
She's my sister, and I don't want you to hurt."
He smiled as he
looked down at Dawn, his fingers finding his way to her long hair.
She would always be like a daughter to him. He did not know why
that had not stuck with Buffy. He let her reach up and give him a
hug. She pulled away, squeezing his hand softly. She would have to
talk to Buffy. She just could not stand the pain in his eyes. She
smiled, patting his hand softly, before she got up and followed her
sister out the door. He sighed as he walked over to the couch,
sitting down, with his head in his hands once more, feeling the
tears fall down his face.
"Buffy, wait
up!"
Buffy had been
half way down the street when Dawn had caught up with her, standing
beside her. Buffy finally allowed the tears streamed down her face.
She kept walking, not wanting to speak, or even let Dawn see how
she was reacting to this revelation she had just had. She loved
Giles, her watcher. He was supposed to be nothing more than her
best friend, and like a father to her. Not someone she wished she
could be kissing. As Dawn reached Buffy's side, she had stopped at
a bench, staring off into the distance as the tears fell. She
didn't need to stop. She wanted to keep walking.
"Buffy? What
happened?"
"I really
don't want to talk about it, Dawn."
Dawn sighed as she
watched her sister. She was in as much pain as Giles was, if not
more. They continued to walk in silence until they had reached the
little park where Dawn had spent most of her times as a child, on
the small carousal. They both sat down on a bench across from the
small carousal. Buffy remained silent, as Dawn turned to look at
her older sister, her tear stained face still flaring up. Dawn sat
a hand on her shoulder, as Buffy looked back over at her little
sister. Dawn smiled, trying to comfort her.
"You can tell
me anything, Buffy."
She sighed softly
before turning back over to her sister. She had to tell her. She
just couldn't keep this feeling to herself anymore.
"Dawn….I'm
think that…I'm in love with Giles."
Buffy practically
felt her lip tremble as she admitted it aloud for the first time to
herself. I love him. I really love him. Dawn watched her
sister, knowing that the revelation had been coming, but didn't
know what to say about it.
"I am so
totally, head over heels, heart racing, blood boiling in love with
Giles. And I don't know what to do about it."
"Buffy…"
"Dawn. I know
you love him like a father and this is going to freak you out
some…"
"Not so
much."
Buffy looked down
at her sister, with a look of absolute confusion on her tear
stained face. Buffy titled her head to the side, as Dawn spoke up.
"Buffy, it's
not so weird to me because….I know Giles feels the same."
"How do you
know?"
"Because I
saw it in his eyes, and he confessed to. I have been trying to help
him tell you, but he is just too…British. But Buffy, he
really loves you."
Buffy let the
thoughts run through her mind as she heard what Dawn was saying. He
loves me too. But, why? Why am I so special? Buffy looked up to
feel her sister's hand on her shoulder, stroking it softly. She
felt tears falling down her face, as she laid her head on her
sister's shoulder.
"Dawn. I do
not think I should be with him…"
"Why, Buffy?
What's so hard about loving him? He's the sweetest, most devoted
man I know. Why would you want to let that pass you by?"
"What about
the others?"
"What about
them? They may not like it at first, but they can get over it."
Buffy had never
see Dawn so supportive about a man that was interested in her
sister. It was strange to her, but she knew that her sister loved
Giles, and she always had. It only made since to her that Dawn
would want the two of them to be happy.
"This just
feels…"
"Weird?"
"Yes. I don't
know if I can love him."
"You already
do. Just open up, and let yourself love him. That's all he wants
Buffy."
Buffy looked up at
her sister and nodded, knowing that she was right. Sure, the others
may not be so happy for her and Giles, but it helped her a small
bit to know that Dawn wanted her to be happy, and wanted her to be
with Giles. The two sat on the bench for a few more minutes before
they got up, and headed back towards the house.
Over the next few
days, Buffy tried to find a way to tell her watcher what was going
through her head. He kept his distance from her, giving her space,
but she could now see what Dawn had been talking about. Giles cared
for her, and wanted her to love him. Buffy was just scared. Would
there relationship be different from her and Riley's? Could it ever
be as romantic as hers and Angel's was? Questions raced through her
mind as she and Giles took care of the funeral arrangements, and
tried to get the coffin and flowers, and make sure that everyone
knew there wasn't going to be a wake. She just felt as thought she
had a heavy weight on her shoulder, and she didn't think she could
ever get done with everything. Dawn didn't seem to happy about it,
but she hoped that she would get over it. She had asked to spend
the night with Tara and Willow, and Buffy had said it was fine. She
didn't want her to have to stay in the house if she didn't want to.
The day of the
funeral was the saddest day of Buffy's whole life. She had to
really admit that her mother had left the earth, as she watched
them throw dirt on her casket, and felt her sister at her shoulder.
She held her close, letting the tears fall. Dawn had moved away
after words, hugging everyone. She turned as Giles approached. She
smiled softly, and hugged him. She knew he would always be there
for her, when ever she needed him. She felt her heart skip as he
pulled away, clasping her hand in his as he told her he would head
back to the house, and take care of things. She nodded, as she
watched him walk away, knowing that she would have to tell him
sooner or later about her feelings, or they would eat away at her.
She let her eyes follow back over to her mother's grave.
All the people
began to leave, and they just melted away to her eyes. She was lost
in her own little world. Giles and her mother seemed to be the only
things flooding into her mind. Her love for her watcher, and her
loss for her mother. As the sun began to set, she felt someone grab
her hand. She didn't look up. She just smiled, and held the hand
tightly, knowing who it was.
"I'm sorry
I'm late."
"I'm glad you
came, Angel…"
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