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Dirty Little Secret	By : Cyberwulf Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > Het - Male/Female > Buffy/Giles Views: 24919 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 2
- 3
Title: Dirty Little Secret

Author: Cyberwulf

Rating: NC-17

Pairings: B/R, B/G

Summary: Giles walks in on Buffy and Riley making out on his couch and reacts in a most unfatherly fashion…

Spoilers: Set in season four, just after Where The Wild Things Are. References to Revelations, Hush, Surprise, Helpless, The Freshman.

Disclaimer: Joss and ME own all the characters. I’m just a sad obsessed fangirl who wants to see some happy endings.

Distribution: You want it, it’s yours, just tell me where it’s going.

Feedback: Feed the Wulf! cyberwulf_1andonly@yahoo.co.uk

WARNING: Angst. Masturbation. Drunkenness. Verbal abuse. The f-word. Physical violence. Not for B/R shippers or Riley fans.

Author’s Note: // // denotes thoughts.

“ The guy’s crazy,” Riley declared as Buffy dabbed at his cuts. “ Ow!”

“ Hold still,” Buffy growled. She applied more iodine to the cloth, and took a deep, healing breath. Okay, she was being a little rougher than necessary, but she was still seething. Anyway, Riley was a big boy. He could take it.

“ He coulda killed me!” Riley went on.

“ I think you’re over-exaggerating,” Buffy replied impatiently.

“ He’s a sicko,” Riley said with venom.

“ Stop it,” Buffy snarled.

Riley looked up at her, surprised by her anger. “ Hey, I’m the one who’s hurt here, remember?” He gazed at the floor with a wounded scowl. “ Lucky I got him as good as he got me…”

Buffy turned her attention to a gash on Riley’s arm, sustained when he and Giles had gone through the window. It wasn’t like Giles to get into a bar brawl. Of course, it wasn’t like Giles to wear denim and leather and go out drinking at nights, either. Still, his slurred explanation of what had happened echoed over and over in her brain.

“ Giles said you started it,” she said carefully, keeping her voice neutral.

“ And you believe him?” Riley shot back accusingly. When she didn’t reply, he turned his head away. “ Figures. You believe the creepy old guy who’s obsessed with you over your own boyfriend…”

Buffy forced herself to put aside the flare of anger at hearing Giles described like that and concentrated on keeping her voice steady. “ Did you start it?”

Riley turned back and looked up at her standing next to his chair.

“ No,” he replied firmly. “ This is all down to him.”

Buffy looked back at him. He held her gaze steadily, and she read no deception in his eyes. Buffy dropped her gaze and dabbed at Riley’s arm again.

“ I don’t understand,” she said softly. “ I never would’ve thought…”

Riley winced a little and closed his eyes in pain as her fingers shook and she inadvertently bumped the wound on his arm.

“ I’m sorry, honey,” Buffy said, almost choking on a sob. Riley reached up and stroked her cheek.

“ It’s okay,” he murmured. He took her hand and kissed her fingertips. “ How about we just go to bed and forget about Mr. Giles for a few hours, huh?”

Buffy didn’t respond. Giles saying horrible things to her, then confessing he loved her; Giles drinking; picking fights; beating on her boyfriend; lying to her… She felt as if she didn’t know him any more. As if someone had taken away her shy, reliable, stuffy Giles and left a jealous, insecure, violent and unpredictable stranger in his place. Just one more part of the safe world she’d known in high school ripped away. And it hurt terribly.

“ Sweetheart?” Riley murmured, touching her face again. “ Are you all right?”

“ Oh,” Buffy stammered, coming out of her reverie. “ Yeah. I guess.” She looked down at his arm. “ I’ll just dress this cut.” She picked up the gauze. “ Where’s the scissors?”

“ I’ll check the bathroom,” Riley said, going into his room’s en suite. Buffy looked around. Maybe she’d left it on the bed. She moved Riley’s jacket and something fell to the floor with a soft plink. Buffy bent down to see what had fallen. It was a pair of very familiar spectacles. There was a crack running across the right lens. Buffy picked them up, stunned.

He’d lied to her.

“ I found it,” Riley called, coming out of the bathroom with the scissors.

“ How could you?” Buffy whispered quietly.

Riley frowned in puzzlement at Buffy’s back. “ What do you mean?”

Buffy rounded on him and held up the glasses. “ These are Giles’s,” she said in a voice that was coldly furious. “ Where’d you get them?”

Riley couldn’t answer her. “ I – uh –”

“ How dare you?!” Buffy yelled. “ How DARE you sit there and tell me Giles started it when all the time–”

“ He DID start it!” Riley shouted, his anger rising to meet Buffy’s. “ He started it when you went round to his apartment and he hit on you!”

“ Hit on me?!” Buffy exclaimed in disbelief. “ We ARGUED!”

“ Yeah, and then he told you he was hot for you,” Riley spat in disgust “Sick paedophile–”

“ SHUT UP!” Buffy screamed. “ You say one more thing like that about Giles and I swear–”

“ Hey!” Riley snapped. “ I was defending you. Letting him know you were mine and to keep his twisted little fantasies to himself–”

Buffy stared at him, mouth agape, as the truth hit her.

“ You picked a fight with Giles because you felt threatened,” she declared, in a voice that was dangerously calm.

“ Can you blame me?” Riley exclaimed. “ I’ve seen how much you care about him. For all I know, you love him, you just didn’t think he was interested until–”

“ YOU SON OF A BITCH!” Buffy shouted. She grabbed the roll of gauze from the desk and flung it at him, forcing him to duck. “ I never wanna see you again!”

She turned and stalked towards the door. Riley ran after her and took her arm, turning her to face him.

“ Buffy, wait–”

Buffy stood on tiptoe and stuck her face right into his.

“ You better let go of me before I do something I regret,” she hissed.

Riley hesitated for a few seconds, then released his hold on her. Buffy gave him one last glare, then banged out of the room.

Buffy slammed her door shut. She leaned against it for a few minutes, trying to get her anger under control. She wandered into the middle of the room, staring down at the glasses she held in her hands, feeling as if this was the latest surreal chapter in the story of how her life got turned upside down. It was a shock to discover that Riley could look her in the eye and lie about what had happened, that even now he didn’t realise he’d done anything wrong…

There was a sharp rap on her door. //Great, Riley followed me.//

“ I’m not in the mood for your pathetic excuses!” Buffy yelled.

“ Buffy, please,” came a soft English accent from behind the wood. “ You don’t have to let me in, just hear me out.”

Buffy stayed stubbornly in the middle of the room. She heard Giles take a deep breath.

“ I – I’ve been a magnificent arsehole these past couple of days,” he said quietly. “And my behaviour tonight was utterly reprehensible. There’s no justification, no excuse for what I did. A – a man of my age should know better. I’m sorry I hit Riley. And I’m sorry for the things I said to you the other night. I h-hope you can forgive me.”

He waited for any reply from within the room. There was none. Giles took another deep breath, and let it out slowly.

“ I’ll – I’ll just go now.”

He waited for a few seconds, and was just turning to leave when the door opened.

“ Wait.”

Buffy laid her hand on his arm, and he faced her. Buffy frowned in surprise. Her normally calm, collected and unruffled Watcher cut a wretched figure. His hair was dripping wet, and spiky at the front, his bloodstained T-shirt, visible under his open leather jacket, was soaked through, his jeans were damp and the cuffs were encrusted with mud. There was a cut over his eyebrow, and his cheek and jaw bore the marks of Riley’s knuckles and were coming up in interesting shades of black, blue and purple. He stank of beer and smoke and rain. He was trembling, too, either from cold or nervousness or alcohol, she couldn’t tell. Probably all three.

“ Where’ve you been?” Buffy asked.

“ Walking,” Giles replied. He was trying not to shiver. “ Thinking. Calming down.” He couldn’t meet her eyes any more and looked at the ground. “ Giving myself a telling-off for being a drunken old fool.” His voice caught and suddenly Buffy was afraid he was going to cry. Not since the Cruciamentum had she seen him in such a state: his usual British reserve in tatters, frightened to look at her, frightened that he’d lost her friendship, the feelings he usually hid from her stamped on his face for all to see. Suddenly all she wanted to do was hold him and make everything better. Buffy reached up and gently ran her hand along the bruise on his jaw.

“ These are yours,” she said softly, taking his hand and placing his glasses in it. “ I found them in Riley’s jacket,” Buffy explained. “ I’m sorry I didn’t believe you.” He wasn’t looking at her, playing nervously with his glasses instead. Buffy stroked his arm.

“ Want a towel?” she asked gently.

Giles looked up in surprise. Buffy opened the door and stood to one side. When he didn’t move, continuing to stand there with a dazed expression on his face, she took his hand and led him inside.

“ But I, I’ll drip all over your carpet,” he protested weakly.

“ C’mon, Giles, I can’t let you walk home in the rain,” Buffy replied.

“ It’s not raining any more,” Giles pointed out.

“ Then I can’t let you walk home soaked through and shivering,” Buffy answered firmly. “ Take off those wet clothes.” She rolled her eyes at his horrified expression and threw him a fluffy blue blanket, then turned her back to him. “ I promise not to look.”

There was a soft rustle as Giles shed his leather jacket, then a louder one as he peeled off his wet jeans and T-shirt. Buffy busied herself looking for a towel Giles could dry his hair with.

“ Where should I put –”

“ Make some space on the radiator,” Buffy told him. She dug out the last dry towel in the dorm room, stashed in her bedside locker for emergencies. “ Have a seat on the bed.” She turned when she heard the creak of the mattress. Giles had draped the blanket around himself. His vest and shorts were a bit damp, but he couldn’t bring himself to remove his underwear, too. He was shivering openly now, clenching his teeth to keep them from chattering. Buffy sat next to him on the bed.

“ Here you go,” she said, handing him the towel.

“ Thank you,” Giles replied awkwardly. His blanket fell open a little when he took it from her, and Buffy caught a brief glimpse of his underpants.

“ Godzilla boxers?” she asked.

Giles gave her a quick smile. “ They were a Christmas present.”

“ Oh yeah?” Buffy replied. “ From who?”

“ Xander,” Giles answered. “ Who else?”

They shared a brief laugh, then an awkward silence descended on the room. Giles dried his hair absentmindedly, then coughed suddenly, and cleared his throat.

“ Is – is Riley all right?”

Buffy was very quiet. As the silence stretched, Giles began to worry that the other man had suffered some internal injury during the brawl – a burst kidney, a concussion, a ruptured spleen. He’d hit him very hard. Finally Buffy spoke.

“ Riley’s okay.”

Giles didn’t reply, baffled by Buffy’s hesitation in answering him. He realised suddenly that she was stroking his back through the blanket.

“ You guys were both in the wrong tonight,” she said softly. “ But only one of you was man enough to admit it.” He looked at her questioningly. “ The other one lied to me about what happened and said horrible things about someone I care about very much.”

“ Oh.”

Buffy took her hand away from Giles’ back, and reached up to touch the bruise on his cheek. His black and blue face, the blood on his clothes, his drinking – it was all for her. She brushed her fingertips along the blemish. She didn’t deserve his love after the way she’d cut him out of her life. Even though he’d done the cutting first, the mean part of her brain muttered. Buffy remembered how hurt she’d been that day… more than she should’ve been, if she thought of Giles as just a friend…

“ Do you still love me?” she whispered.

Once again, Giles couldn’t look her in the eye.

” Buffy, I’m sorry,” he replied miserably. “ You were never supposed to find out.”

Buffy took her hand away and frowned at him. “ How come?”

“ Because you were with someone,” Giles answered. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly before continuing. “ Because I was afraid of how you would react. Because it would make things awkward between us.” He swallowed the lump in his throat, chiding himself for drinking so much earlier. Alcohol always brought his emotions close to the surface. “ Because I knew you didn’t love me. Because… because you deserve better than an old man…” He paused and wiped his eyes roughly with the back of his hand.

“ What if I don’t want better?” Buffy murmured.

Giles’ brow creased in confusion. “ What?”

Buffy knelt up on the bed beside him and pulled him close. She laid her head on top of his, wrapping one arm around his shoulders and stroking his back with her other hand. She felt close to tears herself. He was so upset, so sure of his own unworthiness, and she knew perfectly well that it was largely her fault that he felt that way. Her own words taunted her… “ You’re very, very old. And it’s gross.” Who could blame him for being afraid to tell her how he felt? He must’ve thought she’d laugh at him, or worse – flee in disgust. Which she practically had.

“ What’s this?” Giles asked in puzzlement.

“ It’s kinda hard for me to give you a proper cuddle if I’m sitting next to you,” Buffy explained. “ You’re so much taller than me.”

Giles closed his eyes a m a moment, enjoying the feel of Buffy’s arms around him. He half-wished the pair of them could stay like that for the rest of the night, but the question on his mind had to be asked.

“ Buffy, were you serious?”

“ Serious about what?”

Giles’ mouth went dry all of a sudden and he licked his lip nervously before continuing.

“ About… not wanting better.”

Buffy thought about it for a few minutes.

“ Yeah,” she replied quietly. “ Yeah, I was serious.” She brought her hand up and stroked his hair. “ Ever since you told me how you feel, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. Me and Riley… we haven’t been getting along so great lately. But I thought, so what, you know? All couples have their ups and downs.” She paused, and considered. “ Or, at least go through phases where the girl wants to throttle the guy because he won’t stop being clingy and insecure.” Giles gave a brief chuckle. Buffy continued. “ But tonight, when I found your glasses in Riley’s jacket – when I found out he picked on you because he felt threatened, and then lied about it, it made me realise the kind of guy Riley is. And when you came round and apologised through the door, it made me realise what kind of guy you are.” She moved her hand down to his back again. “ You acted like a jackass because you weren’t thinking straight. Riley acted like a jackass because he’s a jerk. And it didn’t take much soul-searching for me to decide who I’d rather be with.”

Giles didn’t know what to say. Buffy kissed the top of his head.

“ Giles, if Riley’s your idea of ‘better’ than you, then I don’t want better.”

“ You’re not just saying all this because I’m wet, cold, naked, emotional and still a bit drunk, are you?” Giles asked suspiciously.

Buffy let go of him and sank down on the quilt next to him.

“ I’m saying, let’s try it.” He gazed at her, not fully catching her meaning. Buffy took his hand. “ I won’t deny that I was wigged when you told me how you feel. But… I have something inside me for you, and I don’t know what it is… just that when we fight it makes me feel bad – way worse than if I fight with Will and Xander. And it makes me feel good when you’re happy, and sad when you’re sad…” She took a deep breath. “ I think it might be love.”

“ Buffy,” Giles murmured, and she put a finger to his lips.

“ I know,” she replied. “ Maybe it’s not romantic love but it’s definitely not daughter love. And I’m sure it’s more than friendship love. And the only way to find out is to try being a couple.” She caressed his long fingers. “ With dating, and kissing, and – everything else.”

“ Are you absolutely sure?” Giles asked quietly. “ You mustn’t feel that you have to do anything just because of my feelings –”

“ I wouldn’t say it if I wasn’t sure,” Buffy replied firmly.

“ We’ll get looks,” Giles remarked. “ People will talk.”

“ Let ’em talk,” Buffy answered with a shrug. “ They probably talk about me anyway, what with the being out all night, and showing up with blood on my clothes…”

“ It could all end in tears,” Giles cautioned.

“ And it might not,” Buffy replied. “ And hey – at least it’d be better than never knowing.” She stared into his green eyes. “ Let’s give us a chance.”

Giles gazed at her for what seemed like an age. Then he stroked her cheek the the back of his hand.

“ Oh, Buffy,” he murmured. Buffy tilted her head up, inviting him to go further if he wished. He brought his head down to hers, and brushed her lips with his own before pulling away.

“ That’s it?” Buffy said in disappointment.

“ I’d rather kiss you properly when my mouth doesn’t taste like a beer-filled ashtray,” Giles replied with a smile.

Buffy giggled.

“ Yeah, you really tied one on, huh,” she remarked.

“ Yes,” Giles admitted ruefully. “ I don’t know what came over me.”

“ Love makes you do the wacky,” Buffy said softly.

“ I suppose it does rather,” Giles replied. He cleared his throat. “ I, I should get going –”

“ Giles, your clothes are still wet,” Buffy pointed out. She got up and went over to Willow’s bed. “Let’s see…” She knelt down and reached under the bed. “ A-ha! Emergency mattress.” She pulled out a foam mattress, covered in a sheet. “ Will’s mom made her bring one. Just in case the college didn’t provide ’em.”

Giles watched as Buffy carefully laid the mattress by her bed.

“ Aren’t you worried about people seeing strange men leaving your room in the morning?” he asked.

“ You’re not a strange man,” Buffy replied with a grin. “ Well, usually.” She put one of the pillows from her own bed on the mattress, along with another blanket.

“ It’s kinda rough ’n’ ready,” she remarked. “ Sorry.”

“ That’s all right,”es res replied. “ At the moment it looks extremely inviting.” He got off the bed, taking the blue blanket with him, and settled himself on the mattress.

“ Bathroom’s to your left and down the hall,” Buffy told him. She picked up her toothbrush, paste and pyjamas. “ I’ll be back in a minute.”

“ All right,” Giles yawned.

Buffy couldn’t help but grin. He looked so sleepy. It was actually kinda cute. She crept out and headed for the bathroom.

Willow nervously approached the dorm room. She’d stayed away for as long as she could, giving Buffy a chance to calm down. Quietly, she opened the door and peered cautiously into the darkness.

“ Buffy?” she called softly. “ You awake?”

Buffy sat up in bed. “ Shh.” She indicated a sleeping Giles in the makeshift bed on the floor next to her.

“ Oh,” Willow murmured. She tiptoed over to her own bed. “ So… you guys worked everything out?”

Buffy looked down at her slumbering Watcher and felt a warm glow spread through her. “ Yeah,” she replied. “ Everything’s gonna be just fine.”

The End)--))--)~
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Dirty Little Secret