REBELLION | By : Tanith Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > FemmeSlash - Female/Female > Dawn/Faith Views: 3957 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
Faiths POV
I'm standing in the shadows where the torchlight can't reach, watching the commotion as men, women and children worked at making the caves habitable and defensable. We lost three yesterday to demon attacks and yet again there was nothing I could have done about it. My whole life I've lurked in the shadows - and the darkness in my soul.
I rescued most of these people from workcrews and what would have been certain death in the concentration camps. And because of it I have to stop them from pretty much bowing to me…once upon a time I would have welcomed it but not any more, it freaks me out. Buffy should be here, this is her rightful place and I'm just a poor substitute. Hell Buffy would have stopped the hellmouth from opening in the first place.
I feel a hand on my shoulder and turn already knowing who it is
Dawns POV
She started hiding when more and more people came into the cave network, Faith had found it hard enough just dealing with me and Wesley so this many people has to be pretty daunting. She still sees herself as a fucked-up murderer, unworthy of any praise or hero-worship, people look at her and they don't see the person behind the tough hero façade. She had the same problem when she first came to Sunnydale, she was always a better slayer than Buffy, she had little or no life outside the slaying which made her- so she'd always party hard to escape the reality of her life. Here she can't get away from it, the people she has saved, the monsters she must fight and because of all these things her sense of her own impending death has increased. She doesn't trust herself to do the right thing, thinks that one day she'll be so desperate to get away from this situation - she'll go bad again and hurt people, I think she's wrong.
I pull her into my arms - if I were anyone else she would pull away, Faith doesn't know how to express affection unless it revolves around sex. I'm one of the few people that Faith has allowed to see the person beneath the attitude and in the last few months we have developed a bond that I think will never be broken. "I trust you Faith." My words are a murmur but I know that she hears them, whether she believes them or not is another matter - I mean it though. I'd trust her with my life and anything else I have to give. Yet even as I say it I know that she wishes it were someone else saying those words to her, Buffy. Even after all this time Faith seeks her absolution from the only person she feels can grant it.
"Faith…"
She looks up at me, blinking back the unshed tears that she has spent years trying to deny.
"They need you Faith." I gesture to the people who can't see us. "They need something to believe in. They need hope and you're the only person who can provide it - one girl in all the world, right?"
Faith gazed into my eyes and buried beneath a carefully blank look was a hint of pain deep within black eyes.
"They need a hero, someone who can drive back the darkness - that isn't me!"
I knew Faith wouldn't listen to me, I knew she wasn't ready to hear the truth, so I just walked away.
Oz
"Faith?"
"You wantin' to talk, that's a new one Oz."
I lean against the wall, Faith may have this whole expressionless thing going on but I am the expert. I hide behind a mask of indifference, like Faiths it's a survival mechanism - we have more in common than she thinks.
"Dawn didn't ask me to come, I saw her leave and I figured that we could talk."
"She's a kid, she can't understand."
"She understands more than you think." I add quietly.
Faith slides down the wall with a groan, like I'd socked her one or something.
"I don't want her to understand me." She whispers almost brokenly.
"She was there Faith."
"I know…"
Three Years Earlier
Dawn could hear Buffy crying in her room again. It was all she heard her sister do in the last few weeks - just like when Angel had gone bad. Dawn knocks on the door, "What's bugging you this time?"
"Piss off Dawn."
I decided to go to the one person who didn't treat me like a kid. The one person who will always give me a straight answer
Dawn carefully walked down the stairs and out of the door, knowing that Buffy wouldn't hear her over the din she was making and her mother would be too busy worrying about her precious daughter to care if Dawn never came back.
It took all my cunning and cute smiles to find out where she was living and I made my way there
When Faith opened the door to Dawn she gaped in surprise.
I wasn't surprised that Faith was shocked, afterall it waslike 2am.
A voice came from within the apartment, "Faith who is it?"
"Dawn," Faith whispered, "Be quiet and whatever you do - do not tell him who you are!" Faith then led Dawn into the apartment.
An older man with thinning red hair stood smiling fondly at the brunette slayer. He reached out and ruffled Dawns hair. "Hello there, aren't you out a little late sweetheart?"
Dawn shook her head mutely, watching Faith who was standing stiffly with every muscle tense and was obviously agitated but trying to conceal it from the man.
"Its okay boss, I'll walk her home later."
"Be sure you do Faith." He said like a stern father, she nodded in response. Ruffling Dawns hair again he made his exit.
"Who was that Faith?"
"Um…my new boss."
"Cool, what do you do?"
Faith closed her eyes for a second before replying, "Um lots of things, like the other day I had to pick something up from the airport."
"Is that why you're not around much anymore?"
"There's other reasons too Kiddo, it's complicated."
Maybe if I'd have recognised the extent of the pain in her eyes that night, maybe I could have done something, maybe changed her mind or something, anything
Faith grabbed Dawn a soda from the refrigerator and handed it to the girl, "Does…Buffy…know you're here?"
"No!"
"Probably a good thing."
"Have you two fallen out? She won't talk about you and all she is doing is crying in her room."
"Why are you here Dawn?" Faith turned on the playstation and handed the girl a controller.
"I…I love you Faith, ya know that right?"
"Ditto Kid"
"Buffy cares about you too."
"No do doesn't. She abandoned me when I needed her the most. I can't forgive her for that Dawn, just like she can't forgive me for what I've done since. If she had cared about me maybe things would have been different."
"She hates me too Faith, she told me to piss off!"
"Sisters do that."
"Are you going to leave Sunnydale?"
"Depends on how things work out."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, my boss has some plans for this town - if things work out I'll stay, if not…"
"Take me with you!"
"Dawn…."
"I'm not a kid Faith, I'm at thirteen. I don't wanna stay here."
I saw a flash of resentment behind the pain in her eyes
"Dawn, you have so much here. Tomorrow you'll regret having asked me that. You have a great family and everything…don't throw it away on my account. Besides when you find out what I've done…who I am you won't wanna be with me!"
"Don't tell me what I want Faith!" Dawn jumped up and screamed, "I came here because you don't treat me like a kid. Because you're my friend!"
"It's not enough Dawn. I can't play big sis, ok.
I'm not a good role model. I'm not a good…anything, even when I'm bad I…" Faith lowered her voice somewhat. "I've done some fucked-up shit recently. That’s the reason why Buffy won't talk to me - cos I don't deserve it! I'm a bad person Dawn."
"No you're not Faith." Dawn was yelling with tears running down her face, "you're a better person than you think you are. I can see the pain in your eyes, you regret what you've done! So you're not a goody-two-shoes like Buffy, but who'd wanna be?"
"When did you get so smart Dawn?"
"When I met you."
"I don’t deserve this Dawn, I'm fucked up - always have been."
"You don't have to stay like that."
Silently we agreed to move on to less painful topics, somehow I knew Faith wouldn't listen to what I had said. Maybe she did listen but didn't heed it
Faith walked Dawn to her back door just before daylight, "Be seein' ya kid."
Dawn pulled Faith to her in a hug, "Love ya,” she said on a sob.
"Ditto." Dawn laughed.
Faith watched the youngster walk into the house before she walked away. Walked away from her destiny, at the apartment hidden, were a bow, arrows and poison. She needed some sleep she had a lot of work to do tonight.
Unbeknown to either of them Buffy stood at the guest win window and watched them embrace before going their separate ways. "Well tomorrow is another day."
She murmured.
-
Present Day
"You have to let it all go Faith! Live and let live ok?"
Oz walked away leaving Faith alone in the darkness alone - or so she thaught until he spoke.
"Your child was was spent much as mine Faith - without love or understanding. - With knowing that everyone else had it better. Leaving you as an adult who feels threatened when you encounter tenderness or compassion- you find yourself unable to accept the positive aspects of your new life and expect people to change, to treat you as you have been treated before…"
"I'm not you Wesley and you're NOT me. DON'T EVER PRESUME THAT YOU KNOW ME OR THE SLIGHTEST THING ABOUT ME!!!"
"The council has records Faith. Ones that were gathered after you were imprisoned - I know what you went through."
Faith grabbed him by the lapels and threw him against the wall. "You know one thing - you have suspicions of a few more and know the results of a few test results. Put it together and exaggerate it with whatever happened to you and the worst things you can imagine - multiply that by a hundred, that'll be an hour of my childhood, times that by the number of hours in a week or a year or twelve. Then you'll have a glimpse - just a glimpse of my own personal hell.
She pushed him further into the wall before releasing him, her anger, fear and pain more than evident in her dark gaze.
"Your past is where your darkside springs from, mine too and Giles's. The trick is to let it go Faith."
He reached out and smoothed her hair tenderly and with compassion, "you can't let them control the rest of your life."
Hesitantly she leaned into the comfort he was offering, "I can't let go Wes, and last time I tried I turned into a murdering psycho."
"You couldn't cope."
"Same diff."
"No. Although what you had in Sunnydale was better than anything you had before…"
"It wasn't enough."
"You needed complete love or acceptance, understanding - like I found with Angel. After the…accident everyone pulled away and you couldn’t cope alone - you snapped!
What if this was your destiny all along Faith?"
"Yeah I'm some promised saviour - some higher power deigned to make me suffer - adversity breeds strength and all that?"
Wesley pulled her back into his arms and sat on the floor cradling her, "Buffy was one of the best slayers ever because she operated a little differently from most - she did what her previous life experience had taught her to do. You were a brilliant fighter; you could harness all your rage and wildness to allow you to do what needed to be done…
We don't need Buffy right now Faith…we need you!"
----------------
Meanwhile
An imperious voice cut through darkness, it's tone promised endless pain and suffering - many had cowered at the sound of it, the one before it however did not.
"You are a half-breed Angelus, a vampyr and yet you have the audacity to stand before me and demand control of the Sunnydale area, but there are demons here who could dust you without effort and want the same thing. Why should I endorse your demands, what could you possibly have to offer me Angelus?
"The Slayer."
----------------------------
Faith sat in what was to be her office and sleeping quarters for the time being. It was the closest cave to the entrance, meaning that any intruder would have to pass it and come through her.
"Wesley, Oz, what do we know about the demons who rule this area? Leaders - known species- anything would be helpful at this point. Do we have any allies?"
Wesley looked up at her, "We will probably find allies at every turn, how useful they will be remains to be seen."
"So what? We just keep rescuing prisoners?"
"For the time being - when we know the whole situation we will be able to form a decisive action, until then…"
"Hit and run!" Oz cut in.
"Exactly."
"Alright what next?" Faith was slightly irritated but tried not to let it show - afterall they were right and she knew it.
"Want to help me train volunteers so that they can fight?"
"Sure Wes I'll help.."
--------------------------
That grating voice held some much malevolence in it that the demon within Angelus was rejoicing, basking in the potential for evil that it offered. "The slayer takes what is mine. Her destiny perhaps, but I have fought for time immeasurable so I would be ruler when we finally got back to Earth and now I have a teenage girl running around and ruining things for me - stirring up the slaves with talk of rebellion. I won't have it!"
There was the sound of something like a fist hitting a wooden table and despite himself Angelus flinched, the Reagent would have no qualms about killing him - all he could do was hope his plan was daring enough to attract the demons interest.
"I will make you the magistrate of the 'California' area. You will be in charge of all matters relating to the slayer and her little rebellion. But be warned Angelus do not fail me!"
--------------
Since the hellmouth had opened the days had shortened and the nights became longer - it was an effect of magicks leaking from that other dimension. It made things much harder for the resistance - as if they weren't hard enough already. Faith turned from the sunrise that would turn soon enough to sunset and began to train her troops. Idly she thaught that although rubble wasn't the ideal training ground, they may as well train for what they would be fighting in.
With the wind blowing through her hair and sunlight on her face - for the first time she had some understanding of what freedom really was. She had been accepted for what she was, who she was and although the circumstances were dire she allowed herself that moment of happiness.
----------------
That night
Faith was patrolling the rubble that had been Sunnydale - knowing that tonight would probably be her last night alone. Her mind flashed back to her first patrol with Buffy, that had been her first chance for something better, this was her second and she wasn't going to ruin this one.
"Hello Faith." Came a soft voice from the darkness. The voice was familiar, as was the prickle at the back of her neck at the presence of the undead. She turned and circumspectly pulled a stake from beneath her clothing.
"…Angel?!"
The vampire walked slowly towards the slayer who made no move to defend herself - brushing her hair away from her face he leaned closer to her. I can be yours now. Do you really think that you're this saviour that all the slaves are talking about? They don't want you Faith, you know that right? They want Buffy - goody-two shoes being a lapdog. Is that what you want to be Faith?
You're worth more than that! I think you're worth more than that!"
Faith looked up into hiss, ps, pressing her body against his. "Know what I think?"
He softly ran a hand down his cheek, "Enlighten me."
"I think that you are full of shit!" Suddenly she rammed the stake at his heart, only to find her hand caught from behind.
"Hello Faith." Cordelia purred behind her, pushing the shocked slayer away from her lover. They kissed before walking away.
"Be seeing you Faith."
To Be Continued
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