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In Dreams I Walk With You	By : QueenB Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > Het - Male/Female > Buffy/Giles Views: 81254 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Buffy and Willow sat at the kitchen table as they consumed their Sunday breakfast. Notwithstanding Dawn’s talent for peanut butter quesadillas, the two women had opted for a more traditional meal. Actually, Buffy didn’t eat much. She never felt like eating these days. She simply pushed the food around on her plate and swallowed a bite or two for form’s sake.
“So what is it?”
“Huh?” Buffy blinked at she focused her eyes on Willow. The redhead was staring at her with a knowing expression. “What are you talking about?”
Willow rolled her eyes and swallowed her mouthful of scrambled egg. “You’ve had this ‘I’ve got something to talk about with my best friend’ look for the last twenty minutes and it’s driving me crazy. Either shit or get off the pot.”
Buffy spluttered and coughed as bits of egg flew onto her plate. “Willow!”
The redhead giggled Buffy’s discomfiture. She was glad to rattle her; Willow was still a bit hurt that the blond had confided in Tara and not her about the Spike mess. Then she sobered and looked at the woman seated opposite her. “You gonna tell me or what?”
Buffy fidgeted and tried to avoid Willow’s eyes. “It’s just--well, I was wondering if you and Tara ever shared dreams with each other?” Buffy knew that Tara was still a bit of a sore topic with Willow. She didn’t want to hurt her friend by mentioning her ex-girlfriend.
Willow was baffled; where had this come from? “Shared dreams? You mean, like plans for the future, what we’re going to do with our lives--that sort of thing?”
The other woman shook her head and took a sip of her orange juice. “No, that’s not it. Do you remember how I used to share dreams with Angel?”
Willow sat up, her eyes wide. Was that what all this was about? “Oh yeah, I remember. Is something wrong? Is Angel in some sort of trouble?” Oh boy, like the business with Spike wasn’t bad enough. Hey, maybe now that she’s no longer doing the nasty with Spike, she’s gonna hook up with her old boyfriend. That’d be nice. If Angel and Buffy still love each other, maybe she won’t be so miserable.
Buffy’s answer interrupted Willow’s mental ramblings. “No, Angel’s not in trouble. We haven’t talked to each other in months. This is about something else--something to do with Giles.”
Willow blinked. “Giles? What about him?”
Buffy squirmed; this was going to be the hard part. But, hey, she used to talk about her meetings with Angel to Willow all the time. Why should this be any different? “That’s the thing. I’ve been sharing dreams with Giles…the way I used to do with Angel.”
Willow settled back in her chair and reflexively took a bite of her pancake. This was big news all right. Then she gave a shrewd glance at the fidgety blonde next to her. “Is that why you’ve been yelling Giles’s name in your sleep?”
Buffy coughed up her egg for the second time that morning. “Yelling--? Oh my god, you can hear me? I didn’t…am I really loud? Do you think Dawn heard me?”
Willow smirked a little. “Maybe she does. I guess it’s a good thing she’s been spending a lot of time sleeping over at Janice’s house. But you said you were sharing dreams. Does that mean Giles is getting them, too?”
After clearing her throat, Buffy outlined the particulars of her dreams, heavily edited for outside ears. Willow paled at the mention of the Billy-induced terror. She had grown up a lot since high school but performing in front of live audiences wasn’t something she’d ever do except under threat of severe torture. But, at the end of Buffy’s narration, she was tapping her fingers thoughtfully as she considered the particulars. “Hmmm.”
Buffy watched her best girlfriend anxiously. “Hmmm? What does ‘hmmm’ mean? Is there a meaning behind the hmmmness?”
Willow shrugged and resumed eating her breakfast as she talked between bites. “No, this is a meaningless ‘hmmm.’ It means I don’t know anything. But you say Giles is playing guest star in your dreams--or maybe you’re appearing in his. Anyway, Buffy, we all know from long experience that being a Slayer means more than making with the fighting and the staking. You used magic before and it hasn’t blown up in your face. You used to have dreams of the future that were right on the money. You channeled the powers of the First Slayer to defeat Adam…”
“Hey, that’s right! And the First Slayer did a walk-on in one of my dreams. Do you think that meant something?”
“I’m thinking that maybe your dreams are giving you previews about upcoming evil, and since they’ve got Spike in each of them, then he’s definitely involved. Have you seen him since you broke up with him?”
Buffy shook her head and frowned as she picked at a morsel of pancake. “No. I went over to his crypt to have it out with him but he wasn’t there. I’m glad not to see him but I gotta admit it’s more creepifying when I can’t see Spike than when I can. At least when he’s hanging around, I know where he is.”
“Keep your friends close but your enemies closer. Definitely something to consider where the threat to hair dye is concerned,” the wiccan replied.
“Yeah, Giles said I should keep an eye on him--which is tough to do if he isn’t around.”
“Which has got to make you wonder WHY. If you haven’t officially broken up with him, why isn’t he sniffing around you as usual? What did you say to him the last time you were--together?”
Buffy’s face closed over at the question; she hated any thought of what she did with Spike and didn’t really care to relive the experience. “I was having the Billy nightmare and I was hurting Giles so I woke up screaming his name. Spike was really upset about that. He started needling me about what Giles would think if he knew what I’d been doing.” Willow’s expression grew worried and Buffy wondered what the problem was now. “What?”
“Buffy, have you spoken to Giles about any of this?”
“You mean the nightmares? Yeah, a couple of times.”
Willow sighed in exaggerated patience. “No, I mean about Spike. Did you tell him about Spike?” One look at Buffy’s averted face and Willow guessed the rest. “You haven’t told him. Why not?”
The blonde woman bit her lip and stared at the table. Willow’s voice softened as she tried to make her friend feel better. “Buffy, I know things have been difficult for you these last few months. You have no idea how lousy I feel that I put you through this. I know it’s no good to say I’m sorry for your pain. But I’m not going to say I wish I hadn’t done it. I brought one of my best friends back from the dead and I can’t help but feel glad that you’re here.
“The only thing I wish is that you’d opened up to us about the badness instead of turning to the Big Bad. So please, please, don’t hold back on me now. Something of the weird is definitely going on here and, as the resident weird sister, I need to know everything if I’m going to help.”
Buffy’s face was blank. “Weird sister?”
“Reference from Macbeth. Don’t change the subject.”
Buffy took a deep breath. “The thing is--and I’m not sure if this is important--but one of my dreams let me in on something. I haven’t discussed this with Giles though I think Spike knows or may have guessed.” She peered at Willow’s face and decided to plunge ahead. “I’m in love with Giles.”
Willow stared at her with her mouth open; Buffy could see bits of egg inside. “G-Giles? You and Giles? Are you sure?”
“Yeah, that was kinda my reaction, too. Only with less food.” A huge grin split Buffy’s face as she recalled the wet dreams and then she remembered her wide-eyed onlooker.
“Buffy, that’s wonderful! It really is. I can totally understand. I thought he was cute the first time I saw him.”
Buffy’s sigh was rueful. “That’s not what I thought. Maybe I might have considered it for a second or two. Then he brought out this huge book with the word Vampyr stamped on it in large, unfriendly letters and I couldn’t get away from him fast enough. That sort of nipped any romantic fantasies in the bud right from the start.”
“So have you told him your feelings have changed?”
Buffy shrugged helplessly. “What’s the point of telling him now? He’s all the way in England and knowing wouldn’t do any good. Even if he does love me, how would he feel about what I did with that Billy Idol knockoff?”
Willow cocked her head and stared at Buffy speculatively. “When did you figure out you were in love with Giles? I mean, do you remember exactly when?”
Oh, there was no uncertainty about that. “Just a couple of nights ago. I was having this really, uh, intense dream and he said ‘I love you, Buffy’ and then I said I loved him.”
Willow sprang upright at that last part. “He said he loved you too? Buffy, is that one of your sharing dreams? Maybe Giles does love you. Have you at least talked to him about it?”
Buffy got up and started noisily clearing the table and carrying her dishes to the sink. “I talked with him a couple of times but I didn’t mention that one and neither did he. I-I really wouldn’t know how to bring it up in conversation.”
Willow stared at her friend’s back. Buffy was nervous all of a sudden and the redhead figured she knew the reason. “Buffy, come on. We’re both adults here. You know about the stuff I used to do with Tara and you told me about your one and only time with Angel. Did you have some naughty little sex dream about everybody’s favorite Watcher? You can tell me.”
Buffy turned on the hot water full blast and swore under her breath as some of the water sloshed onto the floor. The Slayer sighed and shut off the faucet. She turned around, abandoning the dishes for the moment. “That’s just it, Wills. I can tell you. I just don’t think I can tell Giles. We’ve--I mean, he and I have never discussed those--I wouldn’t know where to start.”
“Well, if the dream is full of raunchy details, you can just give him the PG version and get to the part where you said that you loved him.”
Buffy raised her eyes to meet Willow’s green ones and the wiccan was stunned at the depths of misery and fear she saw there. “But what if he didn’t share that one? What if he doesn’t feel the same? I don’t know which is worse--thinking he might love me and hate me for Spike screwage or that he doesn’t love me at all.”
“I know which is worse…living the rest of your life not knowing. Carpe diem.”
Buffy smiled slightly at that reminder. “As in ‘The fish of the day is carp?’ “
Willow returned her smile and then glanced at the wall clock. “Let’s see. It’s 10:47 a.m. here so it’s almost 7 p.m. there. He should be home. Give him a call.”
“You want me to talk to him NOW? No, I can’t! I just got finished talking about this with you. I need time to prepare, to figure out what to say…I can’t just jump into love-speak.”
Willow got up and grabbed the dismayed woman by the hand, tugging her in the direction of the phone. “Don’t be such a wimp, Buff. But if you want to practice, you can use me as a sounding board.”
Buffy glared at her friend; she wasn’t fooled by Willow’s naïve expression. “As if. You’ve heard all I’m going to tell you from my end.”
Willow waggled her eyebrows in a comic attempt at a leer. “Not if you keep yelling in your sleep.” She clutched her chest dramatically and began gasping, “Oh, Giles, more, please, don’t stop!”
Buffy was determined to ignore this latest jibe and cast about wildly in her mind for a reason to delay this dreaded task. “I can’t call him, Willow. It’s too expensive and you know how tight money’s been around here.” Yeah, that’s right, claim money woes. She’ll have to cave in about that.
Sure enough, the other woman’s face fell as she realized the truth of Buffy’s rationalization. “Oh, right. Darn it, why can’t Giles come into the 21st century like everybody else and get a laptop? Then we could send him an email.” Then she perked up again. “Ooh, I know. You could mail a letter. Those are still cheap, even to England.”
“A letter? But those are so--final.” Not to mention incriminating.
Willow puffed out her lower lips in exasperation. “Fine. You can write down what you want to say on a piece of paper. Scribble, cross out, edit, do whatever you like until you’ve got it down the way you like it. Then the next time he calls, you can read it to him. Okay?” When Buffy opened her mouth to protest again, Willow gave her one of her patented resolve faces. “Uh uh. No buts. Do it.”
__________
Buffy eyed the piece of paper in front of her as if it would come to life and bite her. It already featured numerous abortive attempts--most of them absolute crap. She sighed and tried again.
“Giles, you and I have known each other a long time and we’re both grownups.” Naw, that was too formal. She scratched it out and started again. “You’re one of the kindest men I know and I don’t know what I did to deserve someone like you…” Too sappy. “Say, Giles, I had a really funny dream the other night and you were in it. I was just wondering whether you had it too and, if so, did yours happen to feature chains?” Aaarrrgh! There had to be a happy medium and she was happy she hadn’t written that last thought.
She crumpled up the sheet and ran downstairs. She was going to throw it away and then decided burning was a better option. Knowing Dawn, she’d probably go digging in the garbage and find it. She’d tease Bse Buffy mercilessly after that. She rustled about in the kitchen drawer but couldn’t locate a match. Finally she gave up and settled for resting the paper atop the stove and setting it on fire with one of the burners.
While watching the sheet burn, Buffy was startled by the sound of the doorbell. Now who could that be? I’m not expecting anyone. Maybe Dawn forgot something and came back early from Janice’s. Removing the paper and soaking it under water from the pipe, Buffy dried her hands off while running through the list of potential visitors in her mind. She opened the front door to see…Giles?
Oh god. He was here and looking so Giles-like. He was wearing a light green shirt that perfectly highlighted his eyes. How come I never noticed how lovely his eyes are? Or how muscular he looks. Damn all that tweed…
“Giles?” She cleared her throat and tried again because that sounded way too high and squeaky. “Giles? What are you doing here? I thought…I mean, I didn’t expect, you didn’t mention that you were coming.” Boy, that was smooth.
Giles smiled a little. He looked almost as nervous as Buffy felt, as if he thought he might not be welcome. “You’ve every right to be put out, Buffy. I should have called first. If you’ll excuse me…” Giles turned to leave and Buffy experienced a flare of alarm.
“No! It’s okay, you can stay. Willow and I had just finished eating but I can whip up some pancakes in no time. Would you like some? Or maybe eggs--hard-boiled, soft-boiled, scrambled, poached, sunny side up, omelets--I’m an egg-beating machine. You ask, I can do it.” Buffy was babbling but she couldn’t seem to stop. Memories of her dreams were rising up and her throat was getting dry now that the object of her fantasies was standing only a few feet away.
His genial smile caused her heart to do flip-flops in her chest. Great smile. Great body. Ack! Think of something else! “So how about breakfast?” In bed!

“Ah, no. That’s unnecessary. I ate at the hotel.” Buffy’s heart sank at that news. Hotel? That sounded so…temporary. It meant he didn’t intend to stay. Of course, she hadn’t even asked him what he was doing back in Sunnydale.
She abruptly realized she was still standing in the doorway and stepped aside to let him enter. At that moment, Willow came back downstairs. “Buffy, I thought I heard the front door--Giles!” She stared in obvious shock and her green eyes darted between the two of them for a few seconds. “What a co-surprise! We didn’t know you were in town.”
“I realize my appearance here is rather unexpected. I only made the decision to return two days ago.”
Willow’s eyes opened even wider than Buffy would have thought possible and then she shot her blonde girlfriend a knowing smirk. “Really? What brought that on?”
Buffy glared at her. Don’t you say a word, Willow, I mean it!
“I-I had things I needed to discuss with Buffy and I thought a face-to-face meeting was absolutely essential.”
Willow smiled and gave Giles a quick hug. “Uh huh. Well, I was just going out for a walk and I’ll be back later so I’ll just leave you two alone, shall I?” With that, she strolled out the door. Behind Giles’s back, she mouthed, “I want details!” and ran down the walkway.
Giles and Buffy maintained an uncomfortable silence for several moments after her departure. Buffy couldn’t bring herself to meet his eyes. [What’s wrong with me? This is GILES. Why am I so nervous?]
Gee, would the dirty sex dreams you’ve been having about him have anything to do with that?
The ex-Watcher was experiencing a similar anxiety. He stared at her searchingly. [Has she been eating properly? She looks much thinner than when I saw her last.] Casting about for something to break the awkward silence, he said the first thing that popped into his head. “Have you cut your hair?”
She reached her hand up to brush a few loose golden strands behind her ear. “Oh, yeah. Do you like it? The others think it’s cute. At least I don’t have to fiddle with it as much.”
“It’s quite charming. I highly approve.”

Goodness, there was another of those shy Giles smiles. She hadn’t realized how much she’d missed them. Now my stomach is doing the flipfloppy dance.
Buffy stepped back into the living room to gather her wits and regroup. “So, if you already ate, I don’t guess there’s anything I can get you, right?”
Giles stared at her retreating back and noticed the tense set of her shoulders. Deciding that some sort of activity might put her at ease, he suggested, “Well, I wouldn’t say no to a cup of tea.”
She grinned in relief. “Earl Grey with two cubes of sugar, right?”
He seated himself on the couch. “You remembered?”
She began busying herself in the kitchen with the tea things. “After you left, I sorta got a taste for the stuff. I’ve stocked up on different blends. Plus, Willow likes them. She says many teas have a soothing quality and she needed that after--” Her voice trailed off as she wondered how much she should tell him about someone else’s troubles.
“She needed it after what?”
She set the kettle on to boil and came back into the living room, her eyes bent on the floor. “Things haven’t been all that great since you left, Giles. Not that any of it is your fault,” she added hastily. “Has Willow told you anything about how she’s been doing? Magicwise, I mean.”
“When I talk to her about magic on the phone, she becomes evasive but tells me that she’s definitely not practicing as she used to. I take it something occurred in my absence to bring her to her senses?”
Buffy nodded, her face getting unhappier by the moment. “It all went downhill after she de-ratted Amy.”
Giles raised his eyebrows. After years of trying she had finally managed to undo another witch’s spell? That was impressive; he certainly didn’t see anything wrong with that. “That’s splendid news, surely. Why would that cause her to taper off in her practice?”
Buffy sighed and plopped down beside him on the sofa. “She and Amy started going to this guy called Rack.”
“I don’t think I’m familiar with him.”
“Really? Spike knew about him. Anyway, it turns out this Rack is a major sicko. He’s a sort of magical drug dealer and his den is enchanted to be out of phase with our reality. Only demons and witches can find his haunt and it seems Amy was one of his customers before she became a rat. Once she became human again, she ran right back to him and dragged Willow with her.”
Giles was immediately disturbed by this intelligence. Willow with her powerful wiccan abilities had gone to a sorcerer who fueled her desire for magic? That had all the earmarks for disaster written on it. Buffy’s next words confirmed his fears.
“She got seriously addicted and kept going back, I don’t know how often, maybe three or four times. Then one night she took Dawn with her and…” Buffy’s jaw tightened.
Giles felt icy dread wash over him. This was the first time since his return that Buffy had mentioned her little sister and Giles felt the silence of the house press down on him like a coffin lid. Where was Dawn? “Dawn? She took Dawn? What happened to her? Willow didn’t…goodness, Buffy, is your sister all right?”
Buffy stared blankly at the frightened note in his voice. “What? Oh no, Giles, no. Willow didn’t hurt Dawn--intentionally. She somehow conjured up this demon beasty from another dimension. It said Willow summoned it with her dark magicks. She and Dawn took a car to get away from it and Willow was so buzzed from the magic, sh-she ran the car into a pole. Dawn’s arm was fractured but she recovered.”
Giles expelled a breath in relief and relaxed back into his seat. “So Dawn is all right, then?”
Buffy nodded and patted him on his arm.” Yeah. She was super-pissed at Willow for a long while but they made up eventually. Willow doesn’t practice magic anymore. She didn’t realize how hooked she was on it until she had to give it up. Now she’s taking it one day at a time. I try to help as much as I can.”
The man with her was silent for a moment while he processed this news. “How does Tara feel about this?”
Buffy said softly, “You don’t know about that either, do you? Tara left Willow--the same night you want back to England. They still talk to each other--on and off--but it’s really not of the good for the both of them.
Giles studied her unhappy profile for a moment and then touched her hand. “I’m sorry.”
Buffy lifted her head in surprise at the quiet regret in that statement. “You’re sorry? Why? You weren’t here, you didn’t have any part in this.” Realizing that sounded rather accusing, she did her best to backtrack. “I don’t mean you should have been here--only that you weren’t, so you couldn’t have prevented any of this Scooby mess.”
“I realize that, Buffy. I meant that I’m sorry I didn’t reach out more or try to lend a friendly ear. You’ve obviously had a lot to deal with and your friends don’t seem to have been there for you--”
“That’s where you’re wrong, Giles. They are there way too much for me. Since I rose from the dead, I can see them eyeing me when they think I can’t see it. I can tell what they’re thinking: ‘Is Buffy okay?’ ‘Is she all Angel broody again?’ ‘Maybe we should ask her out with us again, keep her from being alone too much.’ ‘She’s been back for months now; when is she going to get better?’ ‘We have to watch Buffy. I think she’s going off the deep end.’ It’s like they think I’m in some kind of funk and they’re impatiently waiting for me to snap out of it. That’s why Spike--”
Buffy’s mouth clicked shut, too late. She’d nearly given herself away with that final sentence and she didn’t want to discuss that with him yet.
Giles eyed her face. “That’s why Spike what? What has Spike been doing, Buffy? You told me he hasn’t been misbehaving. Has something been going on?”
Buffy’s face was almost rigid in her effort not to reveal anything. The whistling teakettle in the kitchen broke the strained moment. “Oh, listen to that! Tea’s on! I’ll be back before you know it.” She bolted up from the couch and raced out of the living room as if the kettle were a fleeing demon.
Buffy quickly assembled the cups, spoons, creamer and other assorted items on a tray. Are you insane? Are you trying to drive him away when he just got here? You need to prepare him for this not spring it on him out of the blue.
Giles knew what she was doing. She was using the tea as an excuse for a strategic retreat and he made up his mind to confront her now before she thought up a comfortable lie. “Buffy.” She froze briefly and then went on preparing the tea things, her back resolutely towards him. He walked around her, looking at her averted face again.
“Buffy, please. I didn’t come all the way back from England simply so that you and I can exchange pleasantries. We left things rather at loose ends when we parted and we need to deal with that. Besides, you and I have been having a mystical experience, one of grave import, and I won’t have you dodge the issue simply because it makes you uncomfortable.”
He paused. “I thought you had learned to trust me.”
All at once she was angry at his interference. He had left her and now he thought he could just wedge himself back into her life with a few well-chosen words? What a fucking nerve! “And I thought you left so I could learn to trust myself. Isn’t that what you said? That I’d never learn to trust what I’d picked up about being a Slayer and a woman unless you left?” The words were harsh and she knew it but she was in no mood to pander to his feelings.
Giles experienced the sharp sting the words were meant to convey but he saw through to the hurt and grief behind them. His departure had deeply wounded Buffy, much more than she had let on, and now that he was here he could almost see the negative emotions seething just beneath the surface. This was more than a resurrection spell gone awry; something had happened to throw Buffy completely off the rails.
“It’s Spike, isn’t it? We’ve both been having dreams about him and yet, whenever I mention him, you retreat into reticence or evade the question. Please, Buffy, let me help. I may not have been here for you but I am now. These dreams--”
“Oh, right, the dreams. The dreams hint at something portenty and apocalypty on the horizon so it’s Giles the Watcher to the rescue! When I needed you, really needed you, you couldn’t be bothered to stay. But now you think there’s some demon whose ass I have to kick so you show up to lend an assist. Shit!”
The last expletive came out as she spilled some hot water from the kettle onto her hand instead of in the teacup for which it was intended. Blinking back tears at the sudden pain, she clutched her hand to her chest and rushed to the sink.
“Buffy--”
“Relax, Giles I can deal with it. I’ve had to handle worse.” Now her voice had turned cold and distant again and he stared in defeat at her bent head before he walked away. Hearing the door open, she started and ran out.
“Where are you going? Y-you just got here and I was--I just finished making tea!” The excuse sounded lame to her but she was regretting her angry words already.
Giles sighed; he could understand Buffy’s hostility but if he confronted her now, she would retreat again and he would learn nothing. “Buffy, I’m staying at the Sunnydale Best Western, room 911. If you want to talk, and I mean really want to talk, then come and see me there. You need to make up your mind what you wish to do.”
The door clicked softly behind him and Buffy was left alone in an empty house.

TBC
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In Dreams I Walk With You