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After the end	By : Eagleblaze Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > FemmeSlash - Female/Female > Tara/Willow Views: 2350 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 3
Disclaimer: Buffy the Vampire Slayer and characters dont belong to me, they belong to Joss. I'm simply using them to make a story. No profit at all is made from this.

Chapter List
- 27
- 28
Willow woke in the hospital bed, breathing heavily. She was slightly shocked that all the pain was gone. One second she had been in absolute agony, then Tara was holding her, then.. She woke up. Oh goddess, she woke up! She wasn't stuck there anymore! The demon was… actually.. What /did/ happen to the demon? It had been blasted away, she had seen that much, but then another match was dropped on her to add to the other, and that was all she could focus on. Did Tara and Buffy kill it? What about the other girls? Would they be free now too? Willow got hit with a sudden wave of flashbacks. The pain.. The screaming.. The taunting.. The /pain/. She screeched, covering her face and burying her face in the pillow. This must be a trick! All of it! Tara and Buffy didn't come to save her, this was some sick trick! The illusion would go away any second and the demon would be back. She trembled, jumping at a sudden thumping. {I was right! He's back! It was all a trick.. All a trick..} Tears streamed down her face, chest heaving with breathless sobs.
"Ma'am calm down - you're in a hospital.." She shook her head,
"No its a trick! All of it!" She shrieked, screaming when a nurse tried to touch her to take her vitals. "No! Get away! Tara!! Tara help me!!" The nurse jerked her hand back, glancing at the others while she cowered and cried out for Tara. Taras arms had felt so good around her.. And then.. They were gone. It was a dream - A trick - it was only meant for her torment. He was giving her hope to steal it away. She stayed trembling on the bed until another hand touched her shoulder. She almost screamed again until she recognized the soft touch. There was no way that touch could be faked. She turned quickly, sobbing something before flinging herself into Taras arms again. "It wasn't a trick!" She didn't hear Taras choked sob at the sentence, her head buried deeply in Taras chest. "You're here.. You're really here.."
"I am.. I'm here sweetie.." Willow calmed quite a bit, Taras arms wrapped around her providing a comforting heat and hold. She was safe. She was always safe with Tara.
"Oh god, Will! You're really back!" Willow flinched at the new voice, quickly cowering further into Tara. She didn't know why she was so afraid of anyone that wasn't Tara right now. This was /Buffy/! She helped save her too, right? Of course she did! Buffy was the slayer - her best friend! Buffy backed off a bit, her brows furrowed in concern. The others didn't seem to get the hint and piled in the small room, speaking loud and quickly. Willow knew they were just glad she was back - she /knew/ they would never hurt her - and yet.. She trembled and moved closer to Tara. It was just too much. Everything was too much. Too many people. Too much noise and chaos. She felt trapped, burying her head into Taras chest with a small whimper, her breathing uneven and choppy.
"Guys! Guys, calm down! Cant you see this is scaring her?!" Willow squeezed her eyes shut when tears stung them, clutching at Taras shirt.
"Oh god.. I didn't even think.." Xander murmured, shifting guiltily. "But she knows shes safe now, right?" Willow blocked out the world as she wished she had done before with the demon.. Wished she had blocked out the torment.. And snuggled closer to Tara, falling asleep quickly.

***

As soon as they had woken up, Tara, Buffy and the gang rushed to the hospital to see Willow. By time they had gotten there and were rushing down the hall, Tara could hear Willow screaming,
"No! Get away! Tara!! Tara help me!!" Her heart plummeted. Did they not manage to save her after all? She broke into a full run to the room, entering to see panicked nurses surrounding a panicking girl in a hospital bed. The thrashing, sweat soaked red hair was unmistakable. {She's awake! We did it!} Tara rushed over, elbowing past the nurses to get to the bed. Part of her was saying not to touch her, because she would only startle Willow more. But she couldn't help herself from putting a comforting hand on the womans shoulder. The redhead tensed for a moment and Tara feared she would cower away from her too, then Willow flung herself into her arms and Tara felt her heart ache. It seemed to break at Willows next cry,
"It wasn't a trick!" She tried to choke back a sob. Willow was such a powerful woman.. It almost physically hurt Tara to see her reduced to this state, not believing she was safe. "You're here.. You're really here.." Tara had always thought of Willow as the strongest one in the relationship, defending her from her own family, risking her very life to get her back when Glory had stolen her sanity, not backing down when she had her mind and heart set on something. But now.. As Tara looked down at the sobbing girl clinging to her shirt, cowering from the world that had been so cruel to them both.. She knew that Willow probably wouldn't be the same for a while, if ever. She reminded Tara of herself when she had lived with her father and brother, afraid all the time, desperately needing someone to be there for her. Even if her savior came long after, Willow didn't need to wait. Tara wouldn't let her.
"I am.. I'm here sweetie.." Tara pulled Willow into a comforting embrace, feeling her relax finally. That is, until Buffy showed up.
"Oh god, Will! You're really back!" Willow flinched and cowered further into her, Taras heart aching again. She could understand Willows fear at someone new showing up. She hadn't seen Buffy beat the demon, in her mind, Tara had been her savior. So naturally, Willow did as any traumatized person, and clinged to the person who saved her. The first person she saw during a rescue. Buffy stepped back, a flash of hurt in her eyes as she glanced at Tara. Tara could only shake her head solemnly at the slayer, eyes flicking over to the group that now piled in, telling Willow how much they missed her, how glad they were she was safe, their voices almost echoing off the walls. Tara felt Willow cower even more, a whimper just barely reaching Taras ears. Tara clutched the trembling girl tighter, her protectiveness over her swelling inside her, suddenly spilling out.
"Guys! Guys, calm down! Cant you see this is scaring her?!" The voices cut off abruptly, but Willow stayed tense, tears soaking Taras shirt.
"Oh god.. I didn't even think.." {Clearly.} Tara thought bitterly, growing more and more protective by the minute. "But she knows shes safe now, right?" Tara opened her mouth to say it wasn't that easy, closing it in dismay as she saw the glaze that settled over Willows normally cheerful eyes, laying on her and falling asleep. Tara gazed at her, silently watching as the girl got the first restful sleep she had gotten in months.
"She.. She was afraid of us.. Why was she afraid of us?" She looked up at Xanders mumble, frowning in sympathy.
"Shes.. Been through a lot. We dont know exactly what happened there.. It.. Could have been anything." Tara sighed, glancing down at Willow again. "She.. She needs time.. Lots of time.."
"..Easy for you to say. She isn't afraid of you. Buffy was there too but somehow you're the only hero?" Buffy stepped closer to him solemnly,
"Xander.."
"No! How do we know that this is- is the real Tara? Not some.. Some imposter who mind controlled Willow somehow and… And caused all this! How do we know this isn't just another big bad in disguise?!"
"Enough!" Buffy suddenly snapped, stepping between Tara and Xander. "I know you're looking for someone to blame. But the one to blame for this is dead, Xander."
"One? I think this started way before.. Whatever that place was." Tara winced at his meaning, holding Willow closer.
"And shes dead too." Xander continued, caught in a fit of rage and his own show of grief and care,
"Yeah? Thats better? Lets not forget who killed her." Tara tensed at that and could see Buffys hand clench in a frustrated fist. "You were the one most against killing humans, right? Was Kennedy not human?"
"Willow had to-"
"Even if she /had/ to, do you think that will keep the guilt away? You remember how she was after kingmans bluff. That was after killing the person who killed Tara. Someone she barely knew, and hated with a literally deadly passion. Kennedy was her lover for years, Buffy." Tara cringed at that, but her heart sank. {'How she was after kingmans bluff'? I'm guessing thats where he talked her down.. But.. 'How she was'? How bad was she.. After..?} As if answering her question, Xander continued, “She was so guilty and afraid of herself. You think that wont happen again? That it wont be so much worse? You think even after being through literal hell, she’ll forgive herself? She never forgave herself in the first place, with Warren! We saw that with the spell Amy put on her.” {Spell? Amy?} Tara struggled to keep up. She hadn’t been told about this. She hadn’t been told about how guilty Willow had apparently been. She could have guessed.. But.. “Amy made us see her as Warren.. And you remember what Kennedy told us happened!” Tara scowled at the name. How was she supposed to know Kennedy had told the truth? The next sentence stunned her too much for her to doubt it. “She blamed /herself/ for Taras death! It went further than Warren! Even if the spell made her look like Warren, She was speaking for herself.” Was that true? Did Willow really think she was responsible for her death? Her heart ached for the girl she held in her arms. {Oh Willow..} Tara wished she could chase all the pain and guilt away. Tara wished Willow didn’t have to wake up with unimaginable guilt, and agonizing memories. Willow started to stir with a groan and Tara shot a glare to Xander.
“Quiet down. She’s exhausted.” Xander looked at her wide-eyed, realizing what he had just said.
“Tara-” Tara stroked Willows hair gently until she mumbled something and fell back asleep before looking back at Xander, her voice hushed.
“Is that true? Did she really blame herself for my death?” Xander glanced at Buffy. Buffy glanced at the rest of the gang, then back to Xander.
“Very nice, Xand…” She mumbled when he didn’t go to answer. Buffy looked back to Tara, “Yes.. It is true.” Taras heart lurched, but she struggled to keep her expression blank. “..I can’t even count the times she came to me after.. Crying and.. Blaming herself for every bad thing that ever happened. Or.. times i could hear her screaming and sobbing for you from her room..” Buffy glanced at her for a couple seconds before looking back down, “She thought.. She thought she.. Deserved to… to die or.. Or worse..” Buffy shook her head solemnly, going quiet. Tara bit her lip, looking down at Willow. {First thing when she wakes up is to tell her it wasn't her fault. To tell her she didn’t - doesn’t - deserve anything other than happiness.} Tara snapped out of her daze when a doctor pushed past the gang,
“I hear she woke up?”
“Y-Yes..” He scribbled something on a clipboard.
“Fully responsive? No visible damage? No brain damage?”
“I.. I g-guess..?” The doctor shrugged,
“Good enough. There isnt much we can do here so i’ll get the papers ready and you guys can leave.” Tara blinked as the doctor walked off.
“They clearly care so much about Willow..” Xander grumbled. Tara looked down, her shoulders slightly slumped. {Dr. Parker had actually cared for Willows health and recovery.. But it got her killed.} She shook her head, frowning when she shook Willow awake gently. Willow whined as she stirred, blinking up at Tara sleepily.
“We need to get you changed into some real clothes Sweetie..” Willow nodded with a pout, falling when she tried to get up. Tara was by her side in an instant, helping her up. {Her muscles are probably really weak..} Tara waved the gang out, helping Willow get changed into clothes the hospital had given them. Willow almost fell multiple times, groaning almost every time she moved. Tara bit her lip. {Its probably painful to move her muscles again after so long..} Willow didn't seem fully there as she dressed, even less so when Tara helped seat her on the bed. Tara sighed, kneeling in front of her. The glaze was still over her eyes, making Taras heart ache. {I hope she distanced her mind in that dimension too..} Tara thought solemnly, the idea of Willow being fully aware to a hells torture making her heart flop. "Willow sweetie.. Do you want me to get a wheelchair or do you want to try to walk out on your own..?" Tara wasn't sure Willow would be capable of walking out on her own, but she wanted to give the option. She didn't want Willow to feel completely helpless if she was really there. Willow blinked slowly, shrugging. Tara decided a wheelchair would be best. Someone tapped on the door, so Tara called out, "Come in!" Buffy opened the door, slipping in carefully.
"The doctors here, he wants you to sign some papers." Tara nodded, smiling gratefully to see Buffy had brought a wheelchair for Willow. Tara looked around, confused when she didn't see any of the gang besides Buffy. Buffy shuffled her feet, "The rest of the gang went to bring the car around. Xander and Dawn were too upset to.." Tara nodded slowly. Giles had probably gone along with them to drive, if Xander wasn't focused enough to do so. Tara helped Willow hobble over to the wheelchair, settling her in it carefully. Buffy watched silently, her expression solemn and concerned.
"Can you put your feet on the foot rests please Sweetie..?" Willow did so fluidly, her eyes distant still. Tara blinked away tears, standing to sign the doctors papers.
"If this happens again.." The doctor shrugged, "Bring her in again I guess. But there doesn't seem to be reason for her coma so there isn't much we can do." He handed Tara a packet of papers. "You'll need to do this physical therapy everyday. It will probably hurt for a while and she'll be very tired after for the first couple days, but its very important." Tara nodded slowly, examining the front page idly.
"Thank you.. Is there.. Anything else we should do..?"
"She probably won't be awake or aware a lot for a little while, but thats no reason to worry. Make sure shes eating and drinking, getting vitamins and doing these exercises. Maybe take her outside for a bit every now and then." Tara nodded again. "Good luck. I've got patients I need to get back to." And then the doctor shuffled out of the room. Tara sighed. How could they be letting her out so soon? She shook her head, turning the wheelchair towards the door. {It isn't up to us. They probably know whats best.} Willow laid her head against the back of the wheelchair as they headed down the hallway to the elevators, Buffy following closely.
"We won't be able to take the hospital wheelchair home for obvious reasons, so I can carry her inside if needed." Tara smiled a bit,
"Thank you, I appreciate it." She paused, glancing at Willows blank face. "She does too, even if she doesn't show it right now." Buffy sighed, holding the elevator doors for them before following.
"I understand. I mean.. I didn't really trust or socialize with any people other than.. You know.. After I came back from heaven." Tara nodded slowly and she continued solemnly, "Its hard to go back to what used to be normal after something traumatizing, and its hard to notice how much the other people are trying to help and be there for you. I think its just.. Nature to go to one person and push the rest of the world away." The elevator made a ding before the doors to the ground floor opened. Tara pushed the chair out carefully, trying not to bump and shake Willow too much. Buffy had gone quiet again, the only sounds left being the bustling of the busy hospital. Tara smiled to Giles once they reached the chair, locking the wheelchairs wheels before going to help Willow up. Buffy pulled the wheelchair back and opened the door for them. Xander and Dawn watched from the way back seats as Tara helped an unresponsive Willow into the car, buckling her before climbing in next to her. Buffy closed the door and put the wheelchair back before getting in the front seat. Tara noticed Willow flinch when the car started moving, so she grabbed her hand tightly. Willow calmed a bit, leaning on her shoulder but still flinching at every bump. Tara wrapped her arm around the girls shoulders, rubbing her thumb in comforting circles. Within a couple minutes, Willow had fallen asleep again, mumbling things as she did.
"How is she?" Giles asked quietly after clearing his throat, eyes still glued to the road.
"Shes.. Traumatized." Tara breathed, laying her cheek on Willows head, taking a deep breath.
"That's to be expected." Giles commented as the car turned a corner, "But she's a strong girl. I'm sure she'll make it through this." Tara tensed, hearing Xander grumble something. She turned her head to him,
"What was that?" Xander frowned,
"She'll make it through this, huh? Just to suffer something else?" Taras eyes narrowed.
"I won't /let/ something else happen to her." He looked about to say something more, but wisely stayed quiet instead.
"None of us will." Buffy added, "Not again." Tara nodded, repeating the two words quietly.
"Not again." She looked at Willow, "I'll protect you this time. I'll always protect you.." Willow cuddled closer to her, mumbling something again, her hands clenching and unclenching. Tara frowned. {Beginning of a nightmare, perhaps?} She stroked Willows hair gently, humming quietly until she relaxed again. Out of the corner of her eye, Tara spotted Buffy gazing at them solemnly from the mirror.
"I'll guard her room day and night if I need. I won't let her get hurt again, Tara." Tara smiled weakly, kissing Willows head.
"I know.. But you don't need to do that. I probably won't leave her side in the first place.." Buffy sighed, giving her a sympathetic frown.
"She really did miss you." Tara smiled,
"I know. I.. Cant imagine if I lost her." She shook her head slowly, "I can't believe she had to go through losing me. I'm not sure how she survived it.. I don't think I would have." Tara held Willow steady while Giles pulled the car into the driveway. Buffy kept her gaze knowingly,
"You almost did. Lose her, I mean." Tara nodded slowly.
"I'm so glad I didn't."
"Me too." Tara sighed, looking at Willow, who slept peacefully leaning against her.
"I wish I didn't have to wake her up. She needs the rest." Buffy got out of the car, opening the door for her.
"Maybe you don't have to. I was going to carry her in anyway." Tara smiled gratefully, sliding out of the car carefully. Despite how careful she was being, trying not to wake Willow up, Willow stirred with a whimper as soon as she lost contact. Her eyes fluttered open and searched the area desperately for Tara before she finally locked eyes with her. Willow whimpered again, flinching when Buffy went to pick her up, looking to Tara in panic. Taras heart ached so she followed the urge to go back to Willow, nodding to her.
"Its okay Sweetie, it's just Buffy." Willow reluctantly let Buffy pick her up wedding style, carrying her to the building. Tara rushed to stay at her side, a lump growing in her throat at the fear that caused Willows eyes to dart. She was so traumatized that she was afraid of her best friend. Willow tensed much more when she was set in a bed. Tara thanked Buffy quietly, going to sit next to Willow. Willow looked at her, struggling to calm down. Tara sighed,
"You should eat something." Willow pouted and shook her head. Tara furrowed her brow in concern, silently urging her to speak. "Why not?" Willow pointed to her stomach. "Your stomach hurts?" Willow nodded. "You should try to eat something anyway. It might hurt /because/ you're hungry." Willow shook her head stubbornly. {At least she's working on her neck muscles..} "What if I make you some cookies? Would you eat those?" Willow debated it for a second, then shook her head again. Tara felt like she was talking to a stubborn child. Willow wouldn't answer verbally and was refusing everything in the way of food. Tara sighed, "How about some soup? It probably wont upset your stomach.." Willow looked about to refuse again, but paused, examining her pleading expression. The redhead finally nodded reluctantly, looking at the ceiling when Tara moved to leave. Tara paused, leaning down to give the girl a gentle kiss. A small smile touched Willows face, making Tara smile back. The smile soon faded weakly, but Tara was relieved to see Willow smiling, if only for a moment. It gave her hope. Maybe everything would be okay after all. Things would be tough for a while, but Tara could see a part of Willow still remained. Still wanted to come back to her. Tara glanced at Willow again before slipping out of the room. The rest of the gang had gathered on the couch, standing the second she came out.
"How is she?" Tara moved to get a can of soup as she replied,
"Tired, which is to be expected. Shes still very distant and i cant get her to speak.. But she's agreed to eat some soup."
"Tara.. About earlier.. I didn't mean.." Tara turned to look at Xander, giving him a small smile.
"I know. It's hard for everyone right now.. And honestly.. Its probably only going to get harder for a bit." Dawns voice was small from the couch,
"Do you think she'll be okay..?" Tara gave the young girl a soft smile, taking the bowl of soup out of the microwave.
"I do Dawnie. I really do. It will take some time, but I think shes willing to try." Giles interrupted Tara when she headed back to Willows room,
"I uh.. Got a call. The rest of the known victims have woken up too. They too arent in such good shape.. And we arent sure they'll ever fully recover, but they're safe now." He nodded to her and Buffy, "You two did good. You saved a lot of souls today." Tara smiled at him in thanks before slipping back into Willows room. Willow was curled up and shivering, muttering things under her breath, her eyes tightly shut. Tara sighed, setting the bowl on the nightstand and going over to her. Seeing she seemed to be asleep and just having a nightmare, Tara climbed into the bed carefully, frowning at Willows wince. Tara curled around Willows shivering body, pulling a blanket over them both. Holding Willow close and rubbing soft circles on her shoulder, Tara started to hum softly. A little while after Willow had calmed and snuggled into her, Tara also fell asleep. They were finally together. Even if it took some time, Willow was sure to get better. Tara and the gang would make sure of it. But for now.. Holding Willow again was enough. Having Tara hold her was enough to Willow. As long as they were together, everything would be okay.

((Terribly sorry for the wait, again! I got sick and lost motivation for this story for a small while. I wasn't even sure anyone was still reading it, so when I got the review, i knew I needed to finish it. Would you like to see a sequel perhaps? I felt this story was getting a bit too long in itself, though I would like to explore this universe further. If I were to do a sequel, we might get flashbacks that further look into what happened in those years before Tara came back. But of course, there will still be Tillow goodness mixed in! Tell me if you think I should or not. Or if you would even read it haha))
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