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Independence	By : norwalker Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > FemmeSlash - Female/Female > Faith/Willow Views: 7379 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 27
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Independence
By Norwalker
Part 28 of
Summary: What did Willow and Faith discuss in that little car trip from L.A. to Sunnydale in season 7? And what were the consequences? A Willow/ Faith story
Rating: R, Very R
Category: romance/drama/angst
Spoilers: Possible season 7 spoilers. Possible season 4 Angel spoilers. C'mon, you must have seen 'em by now!
Time Line: Mid season 7(after the return of Faith) and beyond
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon , Mutant Enemy and Fox own them.
Warnings: Adult themes, violence, sexual situations between members of the same gender. Please be aware, character death is always a distinct possibility. It can happen here, so don't say I didn't warn you!!! Any racist remarks are spoken by the characters, and are in no way shared by the author. This story is not meant for children.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Faith stands in the cold sunlight, looking out the window.
She watches as the wind whips through the trees, bending the old oaks like saplings. Gonna be a bad storm, can see that she thinks as she hears the rustling of the branches in the wind. Even up here, in her office inside, she knows it's a cold wind blowing, one that cuts through clothing and chills you to the bone.
But it's not nearly as cold as she feels inside.
Faith turned from the window, and walked back to her desk, sitting down and picking up a folder. She opens it, reading through it briefly, then tosses it back on the desk. Sighing, she leans back in her chair, putting her feet up on the desk. She stares at the ceiling for awhile, then again is up, pacing around. Lately, she hasn't been able to find a place to settle.
She can't settle, because she knows she doesn't belong here. She shouldn't be here. She needs to be elsewhere. An urgency pulls at her, forcing her to move, keep moving. On the very edges of her perceptions, she senses something's happening; something important way beyond anything she's doing here. But she can't tell what, and it nags at her.
It's months after she survived the Cammaragh. Months since she's was touched by the powers, and given the markings on her back that dispelled all doubts about her being the chosen one. Months spent trying to make some sense of everything. Months spent away from home.
Yeah, home. Where IS that exactly? Here, in Ireland? In Boston? Maybe L.A.? Where am I supposed to be? Why do I feel like things are slipping away from me? That I'm losing something so precious, so critical to who I am, what I want to be...that I feel like my heart is made of lead? God this is so bogus. I shouldn't be here. I don't belong here!!! But where do I belong????
She stops pacing, and stands still, as if hearing something calling to her. She moves again, back to the window, looking out. Looking for that something to make it all make sense.
Looking for Willow.
She misses her. So badly that at night she can't sleep. She stares at the ceiling, seeing her face, smiling at her. She feels her lying next to her, hearing her breathing. But when she turns to look at her, she's not there. She's not anywhere close to there. Lately she's been drinking at night, dulling herself to try to sleep... and it only half helps, knocking her out, but rest doesn't come. It only makes the mornings harder, waking up hung over, forcing herself to face another day. Alone.
Why the fuck am I still here? Why do I stay ? I wanna be there, in her arms, god I need those arms around me, holding me!! I need her ... god, I need her...
But life isn't often fair, and she knows she can't just run away to be in Willow's arms. She has responsibilities, she has things she has to do before she leaves. Her being chosen , without doubt, only complicated things.
So many things need to be done. What the hell were they doing before I came along? Shit, this place is a fucking madhouse! It doesn't help that every time she peels back a layer, figuring she has a problem solved, a crisis averted, another even more confusing layer of crap bubbles to the surface. Won't this ever end? How'm I ever gonna change things if I have to keep dealing with this crap?
There was the rub, the problem in a nutshell. She has to change things. She has no choice. She can't just l leave it . it's all a mess of petty factions and entrenched bureaucracies and egos. Everybody seems to have forgotten the mission, what Lehane is all about. It comes down to turf, and who's who, and who has the power.
All too familiar. Too much like what Angel had told her Wolfram and Hart was like.
She's been kicking ass and cutting through the bullshit for months now, and still she feels she's drowning in a sea of paper and petty jealousies. The more she does, the more that seems to crawl out of the corners. She can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Hell, I can't even fucking see my hand in front of my face!
At times she just wanted to say " Fuck it" and chuck it and walk. She felt so much frustration that there were times she just lost it and tore her office to bits. It already was on it's 5^th remodeling. No one ever asked about boo about it, but she knows they knew. Faith isn't exactly the quiet type when her temper went off.
At times however, she felt that she really accomplished something. That's what kept her hanging on. Seeing someone deserving getting a post she or he was best suited for. Or cutting through some ancient rules crappola that made things run better. or just sensing the morale on the rise, people feeling better about themselves, feeling eager to do what they could do to make things better. To see the light come on in the eyes, the smile of recognition, the pride in accomplishment. That gave her a good feeling, a feeling that she was doing something good here, making a difference. It kept her fighting, it kept her going. That feeling of accomplishment.
That feeling doesn't keep her warm at night, however. It doesn't cuddle up to her, and hold her. It doesn't touch her in the crazy making ways that she craves. It doesn't give her someone to talk to. Someone to listen, and sympathize; or conversely to listen and kick her ass for being a fool. It doesn't have soft olive green eyes and red hair and skin as smooth and soft as a baby's. It doesn't coo softly when she pleases her, or scowl when she doesn't. It doesn't babble incessantly when nervous; nor give her that look of utter love she craves so badly. It doesn't smell like ginger and spice, it doesn't moan when she finds those special places. It's smile doesn�t light up a room and tie up her heart and make her want to fall on her knees and crawl to her, kissing her feet and the ground they touch. It isn't smart, or bright, or funny; it isn't shy and reserved one minute, wild and crazy the next. It doesn't lose its temper and yell at her; nor does it hold her and soothe her and rub her when she's miserable.
It's not Willow.
So why doesn't she say " Fuck it" and chuck it and walk?
Because she can't. Despite her epiphanies, despite all she needs, she can't just leave it as it is . She cares. Much as she doesn't want to, she cares. The telling thing about Faith, her greatest strength, and her sometimes greatest weakness, is that when she cares, she's loyal beyond all measure. She can't just turn her back on something she cares about.
What about Red? Aren't you turning your back on her?
NO!
Isn't she important? Why aren't you with her? Why isn't she here?
That was the million dollar question. Regis couldn't have figured out a tougher one for her.
Why don't I have Red come here?
She knew why. She might lie to the world, but she knew why. If she brought Willow here, if Willow knew some of the things she had to do...
Change is never easy. It's often painful, and it can be ugly. And violent. And deadly.
Faith has blood on her hands once again. Doing things she never thought she'd have to do again. But in this, she had no choice. In a clan as large, as powerful, as far reaching as Lehane, some changes have to be done in ways that are beyond the law, beyond legal, beyond nice.
As leader, she has to do it.
But that doesn't mean Willow would get that, that Willow would, could or should forgive her. That Willow wouldn�t run away screaming, hating her for the rest of her life.
Faith can't even think the thought, it's so awful to her.
Any more awful than knowing she's slipping away from you? That she's slowly leaving you? That you're here, and her there, isn't exactly tightening the bond between you? That one day, she'll tire of waiting, and move on?
But at least, she won't hate me.
It's like asking, is it better to have a knife in the gut, or a bullet in the chest? Either way could kill her, just which would hurt less.
Which would make her feel less dead?
And the bonus question Regis, cuz I really need the points. Do I even deserve her?
And that hurt most of all, because she can't answer it.
She feels the anger welling up in her, the red rage that makes her want to trash things, make things pay for hurting her. Better cool it, Faith. You just redecorated this office. Don't want to do that again, do we?
Like I give a fucking rats ass!
At that moment, her intercom buzzer goes off. She looks at her desk, so wanting to throw the fucking thing through the window. But she gets herself in control, and walks over, punching the button.
" Yes, Amy, what is it?"
" You're two o'clock is here"
Faith smiles , but the smile would scare a demon. She's been waiting a long time to deal with this problem. A long time.
" Send her in."
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Buffy lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. She's worried.
Kira, noting her lover's distress, cuddles up to her, trying to comfort her.
"What is it baby?" She asks, softly. She runs her hand lovingly over the smaller woman's body.
Buffy turns and looks at Kira's soft gray eyes , and she feels her heart go thumpty thump in her chest. She can't believe how happy she's been since... oh god, since.... She smiles softly, wanting so much to lose herself in Kira, make her brain go away for awhile.
" it's nothing, honey, " She says, snuggling closer to Kira. She wraps her arms around her, and begins to feel better.
" It's Willow, isn't it?" Kira mentions the unmentionable.
Buffy sighs. God, can't she like for once NOT be right? Painful as it's, she sits up, leaning back against the headboard.
" You know, it's really not fair to read my mind," Buffy teases her.
" I'm not reading..." Kira starts to protest, then realizes Buffy's only yanking her chain." Like I need to. You wear your heart on your sleeve, Buffy. I know you're upset about Willow leaving."
" Not nearly as upset as Faith's gonna be when she finds out."
An atmosphere of gloom descend on them remembering what happened just a few day ago.

Willow was sitting in the lobby when Buffy descended the stairs that morning.
" Hey, Will, mornin!" Buffy nearly danced down the stairs. Ever since they'd joined and defeated the Clans champion, she'd felt charged. Ever since she and Kira had finally gotten together, she'd felt supercharged. Life is just too good!
Then she noticed the bags by Willow. And Willow wasn't exactly chipper or bright. She looked sad.
Buffy suddenly felt her stomach ache.
Willow looked up, and she put on her " Hey I'm not upset" smile. It really wasn't all that convincing
" Heya, Buff."
" What's this?" Buffy asked as she approached Willow. She gestured around, indicating the luggage.
" Ummm... it's luggage, Buffy. You know, stuff you pack when you go on a trip?"
" Very funny, Will. I'm laughing on the inside, ok? Why is all this?"
Willow looked up into Buffy's confused face, and suddenly realized how hard this was going to be.
" Yeah, this," Willow stalled, trying to think. " Well, Buff, it's been really nice being together again, really. And hey, did we rock when we knocked out that guy for Faith or what? But, I'm thinking... it's time for me to head home..." Oh, now that sounds so darned convincing, Will. Yeah.
" Home?" Buffy felt confused
" Back to San Francisco, Buffy. I mean, I've been here way, way too long. I've let things slide to the point where they're going to fall off a cliff if I don't start taking care of things. And I'm kinda missing home."
" What about the remote office Faith had set up for you before she left? I mean, can't you take care of things from there?"
" Not the same thing, Buff. Not like on site, hands on." Willow looks away, not wanting Buffy to see her face, " and I've been away just too long... need to get back home."
" Yeah, ok that, too!" Buffy said, a little hurt tone showing up in her voice, " home. I mean, isn't this like... home now?"
" Buffy, I've loved being here. It's been... but this isn't... not for me..." Willow is fighting to keep the catch out of her voice. If she lets on how it's hurting, she's lost.
" Will, I don't understand. Did I do something wrong? What did I do? I'm sorry, I didn't..."
" Buffy, you didn't do anything wrong!"
" But... you're leaving... and... I don't understand."

" Buffy, I can't stay forever. I've got to go home sometime..."
" Why not? Why can't you stay?" Buffy is getting more upset by the minute.
" I told you, Buffy. I've got things I have to take care of, things that..."
"What about me? " Buffy was nearly crying now. " I need you. I need you to be here. What about that?"
" God, Buffy. Don't make this harder. You don't need me," Willow wouldn't look at her, or she'd start crying. " You've got Kira now. She... you've got Kira. "
" I love Kira, Willow, I do. I love her. But she's not you. She doesn't know me like you know me. God, Will, we go back forever. No one knows me like you. Why are you doing this?"
" Buffy, stop!" Willow almost yelled it out. She sat silent for a minute, getting herself under control. " I have to go, Buffy. I'm sorry, but I have to."
" No you don't!" Buffy was lashing out, hurting and wanting to hurt, " You want to go. You don't 'have' to go. I bet you were even gonna sneak out, without saying shit! "
" I've been sitting here since 5 a.m. , waiting for someone to come down..." Willow turns to her. She's not crying, but her eyes are too bright. " I didn't want to leave without saying goodbye."
" I don't get this, Will. I really don't. What you're saying? Doesn't add up. Nothing you've said tells me that you've got to leave... nothing. Why are you going? "
" I told you why, Buffy." Willow turned away again, knowing she couldn't lie to Buffy, " just let it alone."
" Fine, you want to leave, then go!"
" Why're you being this way? You're acting like a child."
" Well, excuse me, Ms. Adult. But I wasn't the one that just dropped a nuclear bomb in the lobby. Exactly what did you expect? Roses and puppy dogs and kisses?"
Willow doesn't speak, not trusting her voice.
"Fine, just go then. Just go!" Buffy turns on her heel, storming out of the lobby. She stops when she hits the portico. She turns back to Willow.
" Just tell me this, Ms. I'm so smart, what do I tell Faith?" Buffy walked back into the lobby, striding quickly to stand in front of Willow. " What do I tell her when she calls and asks for you? ' Oh, sorry, Faith, she's not here. She had to go home.' C'mon, tell me, Will. What do I tell her???"
Willow didn't say anything.
"Tell me. I mean, forget me, how I feel, whatever. But what am I gonna tell Faith?"
For the longest time, Willow didn't say a word. Then she said, softly, almost whispering, " She'll know why."
Immediately, Buffy felt the anger dissipate. She knelt down in front of Willow, and took her hand. " What is it, Will? What's wrong? Did you guys fight or something?"
Willow shook her head.
" Then why... I don't get it. Why do you think Faith would know why?"
Willow looks up, and the tears are spilling out of her eyes. But she's trying her best not to lose it.
" It's tearing her apart, Buffy. Being there. Wanting to be here. It's killing her, Buffy. I can feel it."
" Oh god, Willow, " Buffy says, putting her arms around Willow. Willow leans heavily into her. " I know she's having a rough go of it. But Faith's strong, honey. She's a survivor. She'll get through this, and get home. You've just got to hold on a little longer..."
" That's not it, Buffy, " Willow says, as if talking hurts too much, " it's not that she... I know she's strong. I know that. But that's not the issue. Buffy, this is her destiny. To lead . To be a champion. But she doesn't know that, won't acknowledge it. And she wants to be here, with me. Oh, goddess, I want her here so badly. But..." she pauses, feeling out of breath, " I don't know how to explain this. When we linked with Faith a few months ago, I linked to her emotions, to her heart. That link never broke. I don't know why, but I can feel what she feels. She's in agony, Buffy, goddess she's tearing herself apart. And it's all my fault!"
"Ok, honey, I know that you think I'm pretty dense..."
" Buffy!"
" C'mon, Will. You think that " Buffy? Sweet girl, not too bright" crack hasn't gotten back to me? But I know this. Faith needs you more than ever. She loves you. I know that. She loves you with everything she's got!"
" And I love her, Buffy. I need her to my core, to every little bit of my tiniest bits. I need her. I love her, " Willow's voice is choking up, " but sometimes, that's not enough ... sometimes you've got to let go, or you'll wind up hurting someone worse... much worse."
" Ok, I admit it. I'm a dope. But you love her, she loves you. Go to her, if she can't come here."
" I wish I could, Buffy. I want to. But I told you, I can feel what she feels. She's..." Willow feels like she's betraying Faith, but she has to make Buffy understand, " She's doing things... things she's ashamed of. She doesn't know I know. This link is only one way. She's in a very fragile place right now, Buffy. She's already started drinking again, drinking heavily at night. Believe me, I don't like it when she's drunk, because then the pain trebles. She can't reconcile what she's doing, with what she thinks should be. And she can't deal with loving me, and doing these things. It's eating her alive. I'm killing her Buffy, and I can't... I won't do that!"
" And you leaving her... that won't kill her?" Buffy's tone was ironic.
" Not like this Buffy. You don't get it, " Willow sighed." God, everybody's gonna hate me now0, but I've got to make you see. I talked with Kira a few days ago..."
" I'm not that jealous of Kira talking to ..."
" Buffy! Concentrate! I talked to Kira about Faith. I've been feeling this for a long time, and I've been worried. But it's gotten worse... a lot worse... so I asked Kira to use her... gift..."
Buffy looked confused.
" Kira can see things. Things that'll be, and might be. I asked her to look into Faith. Look into her future. Buffy, what she said... it scared me..."
Buffy shook her head." What? What're you talking about?"
" Faith's strong, Buffy. I know that. But even Faith has her weak points. What Kira saw? Buffy, Faith had no future. If things didn't change..."
" WHAT?"
" ...if things don't change, Faith will tear herself apart emotionally. She'll go mad... or worse..."
" Worse?" Buffy felt a chill down her spine.
" Kira saw Faith dead... by her own hand..."
That did it. Willow broke down at that point.
Words were done. Buffy just held the sobbing woman.

"She was wrong. She should've stayed. We would've figured something out..." Buffy says to Kira.
" Buffy..." Kira says quietly.
" No. She should've stayed. God, Faith's going to ... this is so wrong, on so many levels..."
" Buffy..."
" Dammit, Kira. I'm not an idiot. I know some stuff. I know they need each other! They belong together!"
" Buffy, honey... I'm not arguing with you. I'm with you on this."
" Huh?" Buffy blushes. " Sorry, but ... I wish everyone wouldn't treat me like I'm the retarded cousin from Toledo. Why did you tell me what you and Willow talked about?"
" I couldn't, Buffy."
" Why?"
" Because, my sweet little girl, you'd get yourself right in the middle of it, trying to fix it, like you did months ago when you nearly died. This is not something we can 'fix', baby. This is something they've got to work out."
" Oh yeah, knowing them? Not gonna happen!"
" It'll happen. Things will be as they're supposed to be." Kira said, enigmatically.
" Oh, right. I suppose this is another one of your visions, huh?" She looks at Kira, and then cries. " IT IS ! It's one of your visions!!"
Kira just smiles.
" So tell me... what happens?"
Kira shakes her head. " Uh-uh. We agreed, when I got this power. No personal knowledge."
" You're a poop. You know that?"
Kira nods.
" Not gonna tell me, are you?"
" Nope"
" Poop!"
" Poop lover!" Kira giggles, and pulls Buffy into a kiss.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
" So you're here," Faith says, looking at the woman sitting across from her.
" Aye, I'm here, " Layne responds, nervously clutching her purse. " You asked me to come, so I came."
Faith stares at Layne. Her face is set into a cold expressionless mask. She gets up, and walks to the window, leaving Layne to sit , nervously, waiting for some response. Faith stares out at the trees blowing in the wind, making her wait.
"What am I gonna do with you?" Faith finally breaks the silence. She's still looking out the window, and it's almost as if she's talking to herself.
" I'm sorry, I don't understand. Do with me?" Layne shrugs, acting nonchalant. " Fire me, I suppose."
" Not that easy , Layne, " Faith turns from the window, looking at her. " I wish it were."
Layne looks puzzled, and underneath, she feels the beginnings of fear. She's heard about these office interviews. Things she didn't want to know.
" You betrayed me, Layne, " Faith continues, walking back to the desk. She doesn't sit, but rather perches, looking down on Layne. " That's the gist of it. No matter how you try to spin it, when it comes down to it, you betrayed me, and it nearly killed me."
" I never meant to happen what happened. I thought..."
" You thought that if you got me out of the way, Lehane would be yours. That�s the all of it, Layne."
" I never wanted you dead!" Layne protests.
" I know, " Faith says coldly, " That�s why you're not dead right now."
God, simple as that. She talks as if it's a TV show. They weren't lyin'!
" But that doesn't change the facts, does it Layne? You still betrayed me. It wasn't until the 11^th hour that you even warned me about..."
" I told you...Well, I told you're friend...as soon as I found out. I ... couldn't tell you sooner..."
" Again, I know that." Faith moves away from the desk, moving back to the window, looking out. She calls over her shoulder. " I even know why you did it."
" Do you now?" Layne bluffs being tough, " Enlighten me then. Why'd I do it?"
" Drop the 'tude, Layne, if you want to walk out of this office."
Layne blanches.
"What's the difference? If you're gonna kill me, just do it and be done!"
Faith sighs, turning back into the room." You haven't been listening. That's a problem with you, Layne. You might want to work on that."
" Stop it. I've heard what's been going on around here. With the former Triad members. Don't sugar coat it, Faith."
" I said, you don't listen. Not that you're deaf, or stupid. What did I say...oh, five minutes ago? Think real hard now."
Layne thinks for a minute, then replies, quietly. " ' What do I do with you? ' " ?
" Close enough, " Faith says, walking behind her, putting her hands on Layne's shoulders. Layne flinches. " Relax, I'm not going to hurt you... right now."
Layne exhales heavily.
" It's not so easy with you. Not like the others. Oh, sure, you've heard rumors... I get that, " Faith says quietly, keeping her hands on Layne's shoulders," And I'm not going to confirm or deny them. You're clever, Layne, and bright, very bright, " Faith moves away from her, and back to her desk, where she perches on the edge again. " But you're kind of not too smart. If you were, you would've hedged your bets better. But you got greedy. You wanted it all, and saw your chance to knock me down. Sorry that didn't work out for you, " Faith's voice is dripping sarcasm.
Layne glares at her silently.
" Thing is, Layne, you're a problem for me, " Faith takes on a near conversational tone. " As a clan member, your life is mine to do as I see fit. For what you did, I have every right to come over and snap your neck. So fast, you wouldn't even feel it."
Layne touches her neck.
" Faster than that, " Faith says quietly. " But I don't want to do that."
Layne looks at her, surprised and suspicious. " You don't?"
" Oh, I had fantasies about it, I'll admit. Thinking what you did. They were nice, " Faith's voice is almost dreamy. Layne feels a chill running down her spine, " but no, not really. Don't really wanna do it."
" Since I'm thinkin' you've not become Mother Teresa all of a sudden, I have to wonder why?"
" There's that 'tude again, Layne. You really have to get over this " I'm too smart by half" thing you've got going." Faith sighs. " There's really two reasons I want you alive. First, and foremost, is Kira."
" Kira," Layne says, a note of disparagement in her voice. " Figures."
" Layne, I'd start thinking about your relationship with your sister. Because I care about her, and don't want to hurt her, well, that's a big reason you're still breathing. So, a bit of advice? I'd start treating her better... a lot better."
Layne hangs her head. " I know... I've treated her ..." she sighs, and doesn't finish.
" Another reason is, if I kill you, I lose a pretty good resource. You need work, but you're a bright, clever and sometimes smart person. Someone good on their feet. Not all that common these days, it seems. I hate to just throw away a valuable resource so quickly."
" I don't understand, " She says, looking up, not believing her ears. " You want me to...what? Stay around?"
"Ahhh...there's the problem. You see, you've betrayed me once. How can I trust you again?"
" I dunno," Layne says simply.
" Oh, I think you do know. You're not stupid, no matter what I just said. You're smart. The answer is... I don't"
"Eh?"
" Oh, come on. You think we make up, air kiss ,and all is forgiven?" Faith shakes her head. " no, not that easy. I don't trust you Layne, and that just gives me more problems. Now, I can't kill you, because of what I said before. If I fire you, what's to keep you from coming back at me again? Not like you haven't done it before, and I didn't even fire you. So I keep getting fewer and fewer choices. Won't kill you... at least, not now... won't fire you...." Faith shrugs, " frankly, can't trust you much out of my sight... figuratively, that is. So I'm thinking, I'm going to have to keep you on..."
Layne's jaw drops.
" Fashion tip? You look better with that closed."
Layne closes her mouth.
" Better. So, what do you think?"
Layne shakes her head. " I don't get it. You're not firing me, you're not going to kill me..."
" Don't get too comfortable, that option isn't completely off the table"
Layne swallows hard, and continues, "... you're keepin' me on. I frankly don't know what to think..." She pauses. " I guess thank you is in order..."
" Don't thank me yet. Have you ever seen The Godfather ? "
"What?"
" Movie, 1972. Marlon Brando, James Caan, Al Pacino. About the Mafia?"
" What does that have to do with...?"
" There's a quote from it that applies here. It's been credited to Sun Tzu, and even Machiavelli. It goes something like " Keep your friends close, but keep your enemies even closer." I just kinda like the Italian connection, though, if you get my drift, " Faith rubs Layne's bigotry in her face, " the point is, you're staying on... and you'll be reporting to your sister, Kira. In short, she's in charge of you. Kinda just, somehow, considering..." Faith comes back over to Layne, and squats down next to her. " It'll be up to her what happens to you next. I mean, career-wise. If you prove yourself trustworthy, we'll see about giving you more responsibility. I'm just a... how'd you put it? " Half Irish, half Italian half breed bitch." Something like that, anyway... but I'm fair, you know? Prove that I can trust you, and I will... otherwise..." She doesn't finish.
" I guess it's better than the alternative..." Layne doesn't look overjoyed.
" It's better than you deserve, frankly, " Faith says. Before Layne can blink, Faith's behind her, hands resting lightly on her neck. " don't disappoint me. I'm not a demon that can't shoot straight, Layne. If I find out anything I don't want to hear about you..." she gently squeezes... just enough so Layne gets the point. " You won't know when it's coming... but it'll come..."
Layne gasps, just as Faith releases her neck. The phone rings, and Faith moves to answer it.
" We're done here, " Faith says dismissively. She answers the phone.
" Thank you, Faith, " Layne rises. She starts to say more.
" We're done here, " Faith nods towards the door. Layne gets the hint, and turns to leave.
She almost reaches the door when she hears a gasp. Turning around, she sees Faith, sitting at her desk, face white.
" What is it?" Layne asks. Faith doesn't answer, so she moves closer. " Are you alright?"
Faith looks up, her face pale. Her eyes look hollow, and a tear is just forming.
" It's about my grandfather. He just died."
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Boston, Mass.
St. Francis deSales Cemetery.
Faith stands at the graveside as the priest intones the graveside ritual.
On her arm is Mrs. Jane Jeffries, Henry's widow. She looked older, somehow. And shrunken, as if Henry's passing sucked a part of her life with it. Scattered about the grave were friends, relatives and people who, like Henry, had been ' in service'. It was a good size group; Henry had been much loved by those who knew him.
Faith didn't really pay much attention to the ceremony. Her mind was elsewhere, her attention caught by the trees swaying in the wind. The wind she thought, as the cold stiff breeze blew against her face thought I left that in Ireland... but it seems to have followed me here. What does it mean?
It didn't really much matter what she is thinking. She's trying to get through, cope with her grandfather's death. It hit her much harder than she expected.
It's funny how death can edit memories. Gone was the bad time, the time when she learned for sure who and what she was, the shock and pain she went through. All she can remember is the good times they had, even when she didn't know who he was. She wonders why it takes death to knock down the walls, to bring some peace to one's heart. It had been the same with her grandmother. It wasn't until the very end that she began to understand her, began to really try to forgive her. She wonders if it would always be like that.
A tugging on her sleeve brings her back to the now. She accompanies Mrs. Jeffries to the side of the casket, where it sits on the platform waiting to be lowered into the ground. Mrs. Jeffries places a rose on the casket, and Faith follows suit. They back away, allowing the other mourners to do likewise. Soon the top of the casket is covered in roses. As the priest finishes the burial service, the casket was slowly lowered into the grave, symbolizing Henry's transition from this life to the next. Whatever that means, Faith thinks, a slight bitterness in her heart.
"Are you alright, Faith?" Mrs. Jeffries asks, looking up at Faith with concerned eyes.
Faith looks into the light blue eyes of Mrs. Jeffries and smiles. It was always like her to be that way, more concerned with other's pain, rather than her own.
" I'm fine, Mrs. J. Just a little off, I guess." Faith sighs, " I wasn't really expecting this."
" I don't believe he ever really got over Miss Margaret's death," Jane Jeffries says, quietly, " He took it very hard. No wonder, as he loved her so."
Faith's head whirls towards Mrs. Jeffries, her look under other circumstances would be described as priceless.
" You knew? About them?" Faith's totally flabbergasted.
Jane Jeffries makes a disbelieving face. " Of course I knew, Faith. I'm old, not a fool." She smiles at her.
" But...but..." Faith stutters, " How? I mean... why? I don't understand. If you knew he loved her, why did you stay with him? "
" It's simple, Faith. I loved Henry Jeffries. I did from the day I met him," Jane Jeffries says, " Funny thing is, you don't choose who you love, you're chosen. I didn't know at first why he seemed so...sad. But after awhile I glommed on the reason, as you kids would say. Don't get me wrong, Faith. Henry never gave me a minute's heartache. He was loyal and devoted to me, never gave me cause for jealousy. He loved me, I know, in his own way. As much as he was capable. He was a good man, Faith, and I'll always love him."
Faith looks at this petite woman in wonder, and suddenly she feels very young, as this woman seems to stand many heads taller than she. She wonders if her grandfather knew how much Mrs. Jeffries... Jane... had loved him. She wonders if he realized how lucky he was to be loved so well by two strong women. It makes her heart ache all the more for Willow.
" Faith, dear, I notice you're friend, Miss Willow, isn't here?" Jane looked concerned. " I was wondering if everything was ok between you two?"
Faith is tempted to gloss things over. Now wasn't the time to bring her love life to Mrs. Jeffries. But as she gazes into Mrs. Jeffries face, seeing the genuine concern there, she feels the wall she uses to protect herself crack.
" I ... I really don't know, Mrs. J. I've been in Ireland these last few months, but we had some... disagreements before I left."
Jane's face becomes firm, reminding Faith of Willow's ' resolve' face. If the circumstances weren't so sad, she'd be laughing. As is , she smiles as Mrs. Jeffries pulls her away from the graveside.
Jane reaches into her purse, and pulls out a long legal sized envelope. She hands it Faith. Faith notes it bears her name.
" This is from Henry. When he realized he was dying, he sat down one night and wrote this to you. I haven't read it, figuring it was private. He knew, considering, that you wouldn't require money, but he included some personal things he thought you might like to have, " Jane gives Faith a sidelong glance, " I was going to give it to you at the Wake. But I think maybe you should have it now. Take some time to read it, and do some thinking. I think I know what he says, but... again, I haven't read it." She smiles." I will see you at the Wake, won't I?"
Faith nods, " In a little while. I'll be there after awhile." She indicates the envelope, " Thank you for this, Mrs. J."
" Please, Faith, after all these years, I think you can call me Jane."
" Right Mrs. ... er.. .Jane. Sorry, but you'll always be Mrs. J. to me" She smiles ruefully, " Old habits, you know."
" It's ok, dear, I understand, " Jane reaches out and squeezes Faith's arm. " Try not to be too long, ok Faith? I'd love to catch up with you before you leave, find out what you've been up to."
Jane turns, and walks back to the graveside to say her final goodbyes to Henry.
Faith turns away from the grave, contemplating the envelope in her hand. She walks away some distance, to give herself some privacy.
I've been in so many graveyards in my life, fighting vampires and demons, often risking my life. So why do I feel more fear now than ever before? She looks at the envelope, dreading what new surprise might be in store for her. Not caring about propriety at the moment, she sits down on the grass.
She opens the envelope hesitantly, as if something will pop out and bite her. She looks inside, and pulls out a small silver crucifix. Attached is a note with the legend. " This belonged to your Grandmother. I know she'd want you to have it." Laying the envelope aside, she takes the crucifix and puts it on her neck. She slid it down below her dress. Retrieving it again, she opens the envelope and finds... a packet of photographs.
They're of people, some she recognizes, some obscure. She recognizes one of herself, dressed in the boarding school uniform, sticking her tongue out at the camera. So pretty, Faith, she chuckled. She finds another one, of a young girl she doesn't recognize. She looks vaguely familiar. She turns it over, and on the back is written " Sarah, age 7". Her mother. She turns it over and realizes why she looks familiar. She looks a lot like Faith at that age. Looking through others, she sees an old picture, in black and white, of a handsome couple posed by an old car. She turns it over, and it reads: " Me and Maggie, 1952 ". Turning it over, she studies them, her grandparents, looking so young. They looked so right together, god. She shakes her head sadly. She puts the pictures away, having enough of this memory lane trip. She pulls out a two page letter, and opens it.
Dearest Faith,
Hello dear one . I guess if you're reading this letter, I've already passed on. Please try not to be too sad for me, sweetheart, because I've been lucky. I've had a good life, and had a good wife in Jane by my side. I'm happy, and ready for what awaits me beyond.
I'm sorry I didn't get in contact with you before, darling. Jane was after me to call you and tell you, but I knew you were busy, doing important things. I believed I would have more time. Funny how that never seems to work out as you think it will.
Damn you, grandfather. Do you think anything was more important than seeing you again, one more time?
I know you probably think you're grandmother and I are a pair of fools. Thinking back now, looking over my life, I would probably have to agree with you. I've had a lot of time to think over these last few months, and I realize that I missed a chance at a life that might have been very different, and maybe in some ways, happier for all concerned.
I love Jane, my wife. She's been the finest wife a man could have. No one could ask for better. I fear I've cheated her, however. Because I could never fully give her my heart, and considering how she's stuck by me all these years, she deserved that at the least. I'm a bad man, Faith, because despite it all, I never stopped loving your grandmother. I was weak. I should've left the Delano service long ago, but I couldn't be separated from either your grandmother, or my daughter, Sarah. I should've been more of a man, a good man. But I wasn't. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I hope Jane can forgive me too, god bless her.
Faith shakes her head. She loves you still, and I do too. Forgive what? Loving me, and my mother, and even my grandmother?
As I've said, I've done some pretty foolish things in my life, but I can only think of two things that I really regret.

The first is never marrying Margaret, your grandmother. I was weak, there is no other excuse for it. I could say it was because in those days, it was still frowned upon. I could say, it was because I never could give her what she was born to. I could use all the stupid excuses, but in the end, it was because I was afraid and weak. If you have to blame anyone for this farce, dear Faith, blame me. You're grandmother wanted to marry me, but I refused. I wouldn't do it, and not for the noble reasons I'm sure she filled your head with.

Still defending the grandmother to the end, huh, Henry? Faith has to smile, just a little.
The other thing I regret, is something you don't know. That night, when you came to us, upset about everything? When you took off after learning about yourself, upset and angry. I did something that I'm ashamed of. Willow did come that night, looking for you, desperate to find you.
Huh?
Not long after you left that night, she arrived at the door. You didn't need to be a psychic to tell she was worried about you, and that she loved you so much. She needed to see you, reassure you everything was alright, but I thought you needed to ... well, needed time alone. To digest everything that Margaret told you. So I lied to her, Faith. I told her you had been here, but that you said you didn't want to see her, that you needed to be alone. That you told us to tell her not to follow you.

I thought I was doing the right thing for you. I really did. But when I saw the look in her eyes, the way she looked like someone had just crushed her heart, I wanted to take it back. I knew I'd done wrong. Oh god, I was so wrong!

It wouldn't have mattered. I'm a chip off the old block, lying to her later. Telling her I didn't need her...
I hope someday you can forgive me, Faith. I really do. But please, I'm asking you to do one thing for me, as a last request.

I don't know if you ever found her again, and got together... after you left Boston. But if you didn't, please don't be a fool, like your grandparents. I don't know much, darling granddaughter, but I know she loves you. Loves you with all her heart. Don't let her go. Don't be a fool, like I was. I know you have this destiny, but I can tell you from experience. You can't be a hero if your heart isn't in it. And I know that if you don't have that young lady by your side, you'll never have your heart again.

Find her. Go wherever she is, and if you have to, get on your knees and beg her to take you back. I know you love her. I could see it in your eyes, hear it in your voice when you spoke of her. Whatever it takes, Faith, to get her back, do it. Do it as if your life depended on it. Believe an old fool when he says, it does.

I guess that's all, honey. Wherever I wind up, just know I love you, and will be looking out for you. I love you now, and I always will.

Be happy, Faith. You certainly deserve it.

With all my love,

Henry.

By the time she reaches the end of the letter, Faith can no longer read it. The tears are blurring her vision. It's as if someone had come with a sledgehammer and punched through the walls she had carefully built up around her heart. Somehow, once again, her family had managed to turn her life upside down. She feels helpless and alone, sitting in the graveyard.
After a long time, she pulls herself together, returning the letter to the envelope. She thinks it's appropriate that she read it here, because she knows that her old life, the life she's been living, is dying. It needs to be buried so she can start her new life.
Faith has finally found her independence. She realizes it doesn't mean you have to be alone. It means you have to realize what's important, really important to you, and focus on that.
Faith knows what's important now. Standing up, she feels incredibly light. Her heart feels free. For the first time she can remember, she doesn't feel as if the world is pressing down on her. Standing straight and tall, she strides to her grandfather's graveside. It's deserted except for the burial crew, who are beginning to fill in the hole.
As she watches them cover the grave, she thinks about her grandmother, the day she died. How sad it was, watching her, regressing back to a time when she was happy. The only time she'd ever been happy. She remembers her own life, how miserable she'd been. How all she ever wanted was someone to love her. Not because of her family. Not because they had to; just love her because they loved her.
She thinks of Willow. Her smile, how it lights up her heart. How her eyes capture her and drink her in. How she feels in her arms, how happy she makes her. She thinks how close she's come to losing her, and for a minute, her heart chills. She gets an image of herself, looking like her grandmother, alone in a great house. Alone and bitter and hating herself. She shivers.
She looks down at the grave, now covered, and kneels close to it. Reaching out, she touches the freshly turned earth.
" Thank you, Grandfather. I get it now. I really do."
Standing up, she brushes herself off. She turns, and not looking back, walks away.
It was time, way past time, to go home.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Los Angeles, California
2 weeks later.
It was near sunset when the rider pulled up in front of the Hyperion hotel.
Parking the Harley Road King near the entrance, she jumps off the bike and doffs the helmet. Shaking out her long raven colored tresses, she stands for a moment, drinking in the place.
It's been a long time since she's been here. Too long.
After her grandfather's wake in Boston, Faith decided she needed time to think, really think, about what she wanted to do with her life now. The only sure thing, the only thing set, was to get back to Willow. Somehow, she had to make it up to her, make her realize that she was number one in her life. So, instead of flying to L.A., she decided she'd ride. It would give her time to get things clear in her mind.
Three days into the journey, she realized that possibly she made a serious mistake in judgment. There is nothing like riding an open bike through the Midwest in early November. Snow, rain, sleet, hail. The four dreaded words to a biker. All hit her on her journey; often times she spent a night or two holed up until the weather cleared up enough to be passable.
Finally she decided to head south, where the weather was a little better this time of year. Texas... well, west Texas is always a hoot and a half, never mind the imminent tornadoes. Once she got into New Mexico, however, the sky cleared up pretty much, and she started actually making time. She always loved the desert; it's stark beauty and rough wildness appealed to her sense of freedom. She especially loved the nights, when the stars would light the sky with a cold fire. Even though she froze her ass off, she spent more than one night camping out in the desert. The night sky reminded her of that special night she and Willow spent on the bluff, celebrating the beauty of the heavens.
The morning she hit the California border, she called the Hyperion, letting them know she would probably be there sometime late in the afternoon. The only bad thing was she wasn't able to talk to Willow. When she asked after her, she just got some vague answers about her being out. She tried to shrug it off, figuring that everyone was just a little surprised to hear from her. Maybe a little surprised she was going to be there this afternoon. Still, a little gnawing feeling started in the pit of her stomach.
Riding up the 5 freeway from San Diego, Faith could feel the 'vibe' of L.A. long before she actually reached the city. The dominate landscape was freeways and buildings; very little of natural landscape peeped through. The difference between here and Boston was enormous. Here, historical buildings mean those not knocked down and built over in the last 30 years. Everything was now; then was illegal in L.A. Still, there was an undercurrent of excitement that couldn't be found anywhere else she'd been. She missed it, more than she realized.
Standing here now in front of the Hyperion, that gnawing feeling has grown. She's nervous, no doubt about it . Her tummy is doing a full aerobic workout, and she paces briefly on the sidewalk, working up the cool to go inside. She didn't know what to expect; she was finding in certain things, she really didn't like surprises.
What's it gonna be like? Will she even want to see me? God, I wish I hadn't left like I did. That was... crappy. Then she and Buffy and Kira went and covered my butt while fighting... and saved my ass, thank you. And when I talked to her on the phone right after, everything seemed good... but then things got weird again. Faith couldn't put it together.
At first, right after the Cammaragh, Willow seemed ... well, like Willow. Sweet and warm, Faith could almost hear her brilliant smile over the phone. It was great, for awhile. But as time dragged on, and as Faith stayed on in Ireland, things got... less great. It wasn't that Willow got petulant or angry, just seemed to get sad... then sadder... then started withdrawing, as if talking to Faith was ... painful. The more distant Willow became, the more Faith tried to reach out and pull her back in. But it didn't help; the phone calls became less frequent, and shorter. Then stopped. When she left Ireland, Faith hadn't spoken to Willow in nearly 3 weeks.
Dammit. When I called , she wouldn't talk to me. Why? Oh, I know they said she wasn't there, but that's just bogus. They sounded like they were I know she must've been there... why didn't she want to talk to me? What did I do? Is she mad at me? How'd I make her mad at me? Oh shit... did she... does she know what I've been doing there? Did someone tell her? Is that it? She thinks I'm... oh crap, this SUCKS!!! I hate this!!! Why'd I come here?? What's the point, if Red's gonna just..
Faith eye's her bike. For a moment, a strong temptation to hop on it, and just say " Fuck it " to all of this rises in her. Hopping on it, firing it up and making for the farthest place from here, sounds really good to her right now. She starts towards the bike, her face reflecting her indecision and confusion.
Never wanted this. Never wanted ANY of this. All I wanted to be was left the fuck alone!
Alone. Like your grandmother was alone? Dying with no one to really care? Losing your mind in the end, because the now is too fucking awful to deal with. That kind of alone?
Faith closes her eyes, seeing her grandmother's last moments, escaping into the past because, in the end, all of it meant nothing, nothing if there was no one to share it with. Nothing.
Faith shakes her head. No, can't. Won't end up like that. I won't lose the one thing I love in this world, because I'm too fucking scared to face the consequences. I ...
Faith turns on her heel, face set, and strides towards the front door. Moving through the garden, she pauses a second.
What the fuck? No lights? Where the hell is everybody? Shit, they must've taken off... forgot I was comin'. Well, aint that just swell? I don't think I got a key to this place with me. Well, fuck me dead. Now what?
Faith stands there for a moment, trying to look into the now gloomy looking lobby. Her slayer sense kicks in. Something just isn't right here, she thinks to herself looking in. Carefully, she edges up to the glass, cupping her hands around her face to see better. She thinks she sees movement inside, and ducks down quickly. This isn't good! She carefully edges through the shadows, making for the lobby door. Reaching out, keeping herself low, she pushes on the door. OPEN! Fuck , now I know this isn't good!! Staying low, she edges into the dark, deserted lobby...

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SURPRISE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
" I think she's coming"
One of the training slayers rushes into the lobby, having been playing look out in front of the hotel.
" I saw her on a bike, turning onto the street. She'll be here any minute!"
Buffy looks around at the group of slayers , and starts barking orders. " Ok, everybody. This is it. Get into position, and make sure you're not seen from the front. Somebody, get the lights. " She looks up at the banner, and sighs. It's still not straight. God, when they went to slayer school, didn't they teach them how to hang a banner. Ah well, no time to fix it now.
Buffy watches as the group of girls disperse into various hiding places around the lobby. The light's go out, and she makes for the spot she saw Kira hiding by.
" Faith is going to be sooo jazzed," Buffy gloats, in a very soft voice.
Kira grunts non committaly. Buffy, barely able to see her face in the dark, still can sense she's not onboard with this.
" What?" She says, in a whisper, a little peevishly.
" Nothing" Kira says quietly, staring at the front lobby windows.
" No, it's not nothing... what's wrong?" Buffy whispers, tugging on Kira's sleeve so she'll face her.
" Buffy, I'm really not liking this. Do you think this is the best idea, throwing her a surprise party, all considered?"
" No, that's why I'm doing it. Because I think it's a crappy idea!" The sarcasm is plain.

" Don't be that way, Buffy. I just mean, how much party down is she going to feel when she learns about Willow?"
" Yeah, well, I'm thinking she'll need something to cheer her up. God, what? Wanna just dress in black and get all somber and tell her? Maybe this way at least, she won't go nuclear... or crazy or something..."
" Yeah, instead it's going to be ' Surprise! Welcome back. Great party huh? oh, by the way, Willow dumped you?'
" Maybe we can get through the party without telling her..."
" Oh, right. She's not going to notice that Willow's not at a party in her honor... right," Kira catches the irony bug.
" Fine. Then we'll just tell everybody the party's off, and the funeral can begin, ok?" Buffy's tone is a little hurt, " look, the girls wanted to do this for her. What was I gonna do? Play scrooge or something? She deserves it. Maybe somehow, if we think, you with that big brain of yours, we can figure a way to tell her away from the others, and find a way to take some of the sting out of it. God, I don't know..."
" Buffy, that isn't what I..." Kira begins, but is interrupted.
" SHHHHH!!!! She's here!" One of the girls stage whispers.
The group sits and waits for Faith to come through the door.
And wait.
And wait.
Finally, the door edges open, and someone slips inside the lobby.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SURPRISE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The lights went up, catching Faith in a half crouch by the door. The look on her face was worth a million. It was that expression of surprise, consternation and just downright pissed off only Faith could manage.
" What the fu ---" was all she got out before being surrounded by 2 dozen slayers, who proceeded to lift her and carry her into the hotel lobby.
" Ok, ok what the hell is going on here?" Faith half growls, half giggles as the training slayers carry her in. She looks up and sees a slightly crooked banner that reads:
" WELCOME HOME, FAITH. YOU DA BOMB THAT KNOCKED OUT THE BUM AND GOT IT DONE!"
Despite herself, her face lights up and she starts to laugh. God, who the hell thought that up? Still and all, despite the 'tude, it's easy to see that Faith is rather pleased with it all.
" Let me down, for god's sake..." Faith barks, trying to get her feet back on the floor, " put me the hell down!" But she's laughing.
The girls comply, but then start peppering her with questions about the fight, how'd she do it, was she scared, what's she been doing... finally Faith raised her hands up.
" God, enough, " She laughs, " I just got back. Tell ya what, one of these days we'll have a big girl scout campout and weenie roast and swap war stories 'round the campfire, 'k?" Faith starts to try to muscle her way through the crowd when a loud " AHEM" is heard, and the girls, seemingly on cue, part. Buffy and Kira move down the aisle of girls, one carrying a package, the other pushing a cart carrying a rather large cake. The cake has a depiction of Faith , holding up a sword, fighting a demon. The legend on the cake reads " Da Bomb drops back home". It has lots and lots of candles on it.
"What the hell is this?" Faith looks at Buffy and Kira, and a grin spreads over her face. " Shoulda known you two were behind this. This so stinks of you." She shakes her head and grins, waving at the cake and candles. " What the hell is this? It's not by birthday, for Christ's sake! "
Buffy just grins.
Kira just grins.
Faith rolls her eyes. " Any excuse for cake, huh?" Leaning over, she blows out the candles. She looks at the box Buffy's holding, " So, what's that?"
" A little something we all chipped in on. For you" Buffy shoves the box toward Faith, who grabs it up, smiling. She tears at the paper, and inside is a hand polished oak box. Opening it, she looks down at the contents.
It's a long silver dagger, with an ebony handle. Its blade is filigreed with gold leaf, with an ornate pommel set with gems. Inscribed on the handle is the following legend:
"Fides triumphus super nex" ( Faith triumphs over death)
For the briefest second, she looks at the weapon, a strange expression on her face. But it quickly disappears and she smiles broadly, holding up the dagger.
" Wicked cool!" Faith says, waving it over her head. The girls applaud. " Thanks. This is really..." She trails off, seeming to be caught up in her emotions. She carefully returns the ornate dagger to its case and sets it on the reception desk. For a second, she stands, rubbing her hand lightly over the case. When she turns back, her face is all smiles.
" So, what's the hold up? Let's get this party rockin' " She calls out.
The crowd breaks up, moving into little groups. Someone sets up a boom box for music. Some girls head for the kitchen for plates and glasses, one carrying out a large punch bowl. Others move about, chatting. The party's underway.
Faith, a smirk on her face, moves over towards Buffy and Kira, wrapping her arms around their shoulders.
" You two are so dead, you got that, right?" She says calmly, " I do hope you brought some more adult stuff than cake and punch..." She looks from face to face.
" Oh yeah," Buffy nods towards the office.
" Good work, " Faith nods. She looks around at the crowd.
" So where's Red?"
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
A few hours later, Faith is sitting out in the garden, looking in on the party still in progress in the lobby. Next to her on the stone fountain is a bottle containing some clearish amber liquid. It's pretty evident she's done some serious damage to the contents. Her face is somewhat flushed, and her eyes are a little unfocused. Her expression is grim. Sitting with her, but not right next to her is Buffy, also looking a little unfocused, but not as badly as Faith. Faith grabs the bottle, tilts it to her mouth, and takes another pull. She sets it down, and stares in at the party.
" Well, aint this a hoot and a half, huh? Gotta say, this is one helluva welcome home, " Faith grins, lopsidedly. Her speech is somewhat slurred. She looks over at Buffy. " Hey, why you still out here, blondie? Go join the party, make... whatever" She chuckles and takes another pull.
" Naw, likin' it here, Faith, " Buffy says, her voice fuzzy, " Anyway you got the good stuff... why I wanna go back in for punch?"
" Lissen me, B, " Faith says, with an intensely serious expression, " Not like I can't take care of meself, ya know. Been doin' it like... forever. Don't need a babysitter now..." Faith slides the bottle over to Buffy. It nearly falls, but Buffy grabs it, taking a pull. She makes a face, but takes another. " Good one, blondie, thought that was a goner" Faith chuckles.
" No babysitting, Faithy. Just likin' the night air," Buffy exaggerates taking in a lungful of air. " Ahhh...." She coughs.
" C'mon, B. What? You think I belted with the stupid stick? I know Kira put you on guard duty ever since..."
Faith's mouth turns down, and she goes quiet. She reaches for the bottle, and realizing it's not there, looks towards Buffy. She reaches for it, loses balance, hits the bottle. It flies off the fountain, crashing onto the pathway, breaking. She looks at it mournfully.
" Ah, fuck me. I wassen done with that yet. Shit!" Faith looks at Buffy hopefully, " Got another?"
Buffy looks at Faith with concentrated seriousness. " Uh-uh. Cuttin' you off. You're drunk."
Faith makes a disgusted noise. " See. Tole ya. Babysitter. I know Kira sicced you on me to keep me from ... whatever... I'm outta here..." Faith stands up, wherein the alcohol hits her, hard. " Whooo... funtime!" She slurs, weaving a little.

" Just where do you think you're going, Faith?" Buffy over-enunciates her words. She stands, also feeling the effects. " Gonna have to stop you, you know."
" Ya, right blondie. You and who's army? Gonna so not happen, " Faith shakes her head, moving towards the street exit. Buffy moves to block her. " Move it, B. Don't really want to hurt you." Faith shoves her out of the way.
" That'd be a first, " Buffy says, drunkenly determined, shoves her back.
" Get outta my way, Buffy. You don't know. Just stay out of it." Faith shoves her again.
" Don't shove me, Faithy, " Buffy shoves back, overbalancing and nearly falling down. She manages to remain standing.
" I said, get outta my way!" Faith, angry, throws a punch. It misses Buffy.
Buffy laughs.
" God, Faith, thas the best you can do?" She turns her back, waving her off, " you're pathetic."
Faith, furious at herself and Buffy, strides drunkenly over to Buffy, and grabs her shoulder. Buffy, working on instinct, whirls and throws a punch... missing Faith, who also threw a punch. Missing Buffy. They fall at each other, knocking their foreheads together.
" OW!!" Buffy cries, angrily. She rubs her head
" SHIT!!" Faith growls. She rubs her head
" Gotta find her. Gotta explain."
" Not letting you go, Faith. Not like this. You're too upset and drunk to think straight." Buffy gets up, going to Faith. She puts a hand on her shoulder. " Just stay. We'll get her back, get her to come back. I promise."
" She's not comin' back, Buffy. Didn't you listen when she spoke? I mean, really listen? She ... hates me, Buffy... she thinks I'm... a monster... she prettied it up, but that's the facts, jack. She tole you that she... was killin' me? Fuck that, I'll die without her Buffy. Can't ... won't... gotta talk to her, explain..."
Faith stands, looking down at her hands.
" What? Faith, she loves you... that's why she left. She thought that being here would..."
" Shut UP!" Faith turns on her, face red, " Stop it. IT'S A LIE, DON'T YOU SEE THAT?" Faith yells at her. She thrusts her hands out at Buffy, " You can see it; I know you can. SAY IT! YOU CAN SEE IT!"
She shoves Buffy, and sticks her hands in her face.
" See what? I don't see anything." Buffy backs up a step, batting Faith's hands away. " Yer nuts! "
" Screw this," Faith says, turning back towards the exit. " I gotta see her. I gotta go..."
Buffy runs and blocks her exit. Faith tries to dodge around her, but Buffy won't give ground.
" Dammit, Buffy, move. I can't play with you all night. I gotta go find her!"
" Faith , chill. We'll all go to her, tomorrow. I promise." Buffy approaches her, " just let me take you upstairs, you'll feel better after you've rested..."
"NOOO!!"
Faith clasps her hands together, making one large fist. She swings on Buffy, meaning to hit her square in the face. But her timing and aim are off, and she misses. The force of the blow carries her, however, and she rams into Buffy , pushing the both of them into the Fountain.
That does it, for the both of them. They start to fight, but are so plastered, they can't really do any damage to each other. Frustration sets in, and they both start to slap each other, making more noise yelling than actually doing anything to each other.
A group of the mini slayers, hearing the commotion, line up at the windows to watch. They start cheering them on.
" FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!"
" Get her, Faith!"
" Knock her on her ass, Buffy!"
Kira sees the girls gathered around the windows, and goes to investigate. Her eyes go wide when she sees the fight.
The door to the lobby opens, a very upset Kira standing there, hands on hips.
"What's going on?"
" Your fucking girlfriend's in my way. Tell her to get the fuck outta my way, or..."
" Or what, Faith?" Buffy says, slapping her, " What're you gonna do?"
" I'll show ya, slayer!" Faith grabs Buffy by the shoulder and head butts her.
" OWWW!!!!" Buffy cries. She grabs Faith, and returns the head butt. They start in at each other again.
" BUFFEE!! FAITH!!!" Kira calls out, running to break them up.
" What in heaven...? "
Willow, backlit by the streetlights, is standing at the entrance to the garden, taking in the scene. She raises her arms.
" SEPARATE!!!"
The slayers fly apart. Faith flies backward in to Kira, knocking the both of them off their feet. Buffy flies towards Willow, who, prepared, stops her. Willow grabs Buffy, who starts back at Faith.
Faith, recovering, starts to get up, but Kira puts a bear hug on her.
" Well, damn. The prodigal daughter returns." Kira notices Willow for the first time. Her voice isn't particularly friendly, " Nice of you to drop by. Planning on leaving again soon?"
" What's going on?" Willow ignores Kira's remark, " Why're they fighting?"
" Do I really have to tell you, Willow?" Kira turns to her, still holding Faith back. " Three guesses, and the first two don't count!"
Willow looks stricken and guilty.
" Kira, stop!" Faith interjects, " It wasn�t her fault, it was mine! If you wanna be mad, be mad at me."
Kira looks at Faith, then at Buffy, then finally at Willow. Her expression is pure disgust.
" Right now? You're both on my short list of not fave people." She shoves Faith away, and gives her a ' if you try anything I'll pound your ass, slayer or not' look. She walks over, and ignoring Willow, grabs Buffy, hauling her towards the lobby." Kind of pissed off, seeing my girlfriend attacked! You'll excuse me, won't you, if I take Buffy inside... before I say something I'll regret?"
She helps Buffy, who's rather wobbly. Slinging Buffy's arm over her shoulder, she leads her out. As they exit, Buffy looks back, and mouths at Faith " You hit like a girl." She winks.
Kira turns to her. " And you! Fighting like a drunken sailor! I ask you to do one little thing..."
" I'm sorry, baby."
The reach the lobby doors. Kira, seeing the slayers still bunched at the doors, explodes at them.
" Don't you have elsewhere to be?"
Startled, the slayers turn away from the glass, heading back into the lobby.
Faith stands staring into the lobby, not wanting to face Willow, not daring to. She feels ugly and drunk and dirty. Nervously, she balls up her hands, as if trying to hide something.
Willow, who's been standing silently throughout the whole scene, comes up behind Faith. She pulls Faith around to face her.
" What was this all about? Why were you fighting with Buffy? I leave for a little while, and ... you get into a drunken brawl. With Buffy! Goddess, what's your problem?"
" No, don't. Don't touch me, please," Faith, unnerved, breaks away from Willow. She turns away, feeling ashamed. " God, I'm such a fuck up... all I wanted was to find you, to explain... I didn't mean to get in it with Buffy. I'm a fuck up, a totally stupid fucking fuck up. Drunk, and stupid... and..." Faith, at the maudlin phase of being drunk, starts to cry.
" Faith, please... don't cry, honey. I'm sorry, I really am, " Willow says to Faith's back, " but that's not really enough, is it? I hurt you, and I can't fix that, not with a sorry. God, what ... I don't know what I was thinking. I only ... I was afraid, Faith. Afraid I was hurting you, being here. Because you... oh god, you were in so much pain, and I was causing it. I didn't want to do that to you, I didn't want to hurt you anymore. I love you, and I couldn't bear thinking I was ... killing you," Her voice drops low. She turns away from Faith. " Goddess, I tried. I tried to do the right thing, and leave. Let you do what you had to do, be who you had to be. I know you've got this destiny... and I was just mucking up the works for you... I wanted to do right by you, but ... I'm weak, Faith. I left, yes, but when I got there? Back in San Francisco? I couldn't... I couldn't bear the emptiness. I felt so empty...everything was so cold and so... without you, it was all colorless. It was sterile and empty, and I was scared. Thinking of life without you... I couldn't deal. But I tried, I really tried to stay away, I did. I know you've got to be ... free. I'm not any good for you... you worrying about me... I'm so fucking weak. I need you, Faith, I need you're help. I need you to help me do the right thing..."
Willow looks over at Faith, and stops cold. Faith is sitting on the bench, arms tightly crossed over her chest. She's rocking back and forth, staring at something only she can see. But it's Faith's face that freezes Willow's heart. Her eyes are wide with a hopelessness she's never seen there before. She looks like she's lost everything, alone.
Willow goes over to Faith, sitting next to her. Faith scoots away from her, as if touching her is deadly.
" Faith, what is it? What's wrong?"
" Don't you see? Their eyes, they're looking at me. God they hate me... God, I can't stop them from looking at me. Make them stop, please?" Faith turns to her. " Help me, please?"
" Faith, honey? What is it? Who's looking at you?" Willow reaches out, to take Faith in an embrace, but Faith blocks her arms. " Baby?"
" No... don't touch me... don't. You'll get... the blood on you...."
Willow pales. " The blood?"
" Oh god, they won't stop..." She turns to Willow, almost desperate for some confirmation. " You can see it, can't you?" She holds out her hands, palms up. " No matter how much I wash them, it won't wash off..." She lets her hands fall to her lap.
Willow takes her into an embrace.
" Help me?" Faith sounds almost childlike, " Please?"
She leans into Willow, and starts to sob.
" It's ok, Baby, it's ok now. I'm here."
Willow caresses her, trying to calm her down. But Faith seems inconsolable. Willow slides her arm around Faith, gently pulling her to her feet.
" C'mon, honey, your tired and upset. I'll help you upstairs. You'll feel better after you've had some sleep, " And maybe a couple of pots of coffee.
She struggles with Faith, who's like a dead weight in her arms. They get about halfway to the lobby doors when Faith stops. She turns to Willow, her eyes unfocused. Her expression is puzzled.
" Do I know you? " She asks, sounding like a little girl, " You're nice".
Faith smiles a goofy smile. Then she frowns. " I been a bad girl."
Before Willow can do anything, Faith's eyes roll up in her head. She groans, and goes down, taking Willow with her. They wind up a heap on the garden path, Faith on top of Willow, unconscious. Willow is pinned under her, unable to move.
Aw crap, now what do I do?
Willow tries to shove her off, but it's no good. Finally she sighs, giving up.
" Help!" She calls out. Getting no response, she calls louder. " HELP!!!"
" CAN I GET A LITTLE HELP OUT HERE?"
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
To be continued.
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Independence