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Independence	By : norwalker Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > FemmeSlash - Female/Female > Faith/Willow Views: 7379 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 26
- 27
- 28
Independence

By Norwalker

Part 27 of

Summary: What did Willow and Faith discuss in that little car trip from L.A. to Sunnydale in season 7? And what were the consequences? A Willow/ Faith story

Rating: R, Very R
Category: romance/drama/angst
Spoilers: Possible season 7 spoilers. Possible season 4 Angel spoilers. C'mon, you must have seen 'em by now!
Time Line: Mid season 7(after the return of Faith) and beyond
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon , Mutant Enemy and Fox own them.

Warnings: Adult themes, violence, sexual situations between members of the same gender. Please be aware, character death is always a distinct possibility. It can happen here, so don't say I didn't warn you!!! Any racist remarks are spoken by the characters, and are in no way shared by the author. This story is not meant for children.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Ireland
County Limerick
Early morning
The day dawns pretty much has it has since time began.
The sun rises in the east. Everywhere life can feel the kiss of the new day, the warmth of the sun replacing the coolness of the night. Dew laden greenery sparkles like gems scattered in the morning light, and light and shadow do their inevitable dance across the landscape. Families rush through the early morning, trying to get to their lives, parents going to work and worrying about the kids; kids going to school avoiding yet some more rules and stuff from parents. People work, laze, help others, and cheat others; love, hate and all the rest. The sky doesn't burn, the sun doesn't explode, the earth doesn't tremble. Pretty much an average day worldwide.
Faith is running down the path to the hotel, sweating lightly from the exertion in the early morning hours. She's run for nearly an hour , starting before sunup. Her lungs feel hot, and she feels the delicious burn in her muscles. Slowing her pace as she approaches, she finally walks to bring her muscles and lungs into cool down.
Pacing around to keep from cramping up, she realizes this may be her last run, ever. She looks around, and feels the tiniest disappointment that everything looks so normal. Panting from her run, she watches as people leave their houses as usual, making their way to the jobs and lives. Traffic is light but getting heavier, as it usually does. She feels no uniqueness about today; no heightened perceptions, no portents. No thunder and lightning or dark clouds in the sky. No fire erupting from the earth, no eclipse to mark this morning. Nothing.
She walks through the hotel lobby, and no one stops to stare at her. No one recognizes her, she's just another hotel guest. As she approaches the elevator, someone behind her rushes up to her. Finally! Someone gets it!
" Ms. Lehane? I have a message for you, " the clerk on duty hands her a slip of paper. " Your car will be here at 7.30 am sharp to pick you up."
" Thank you, ummm… Henry, " She says, looking at his name tag. He turns and walks back to the reception desk.
As usual.
She walks into the lift, and watches as the gates close on her, and rides up to her room. All the time she's puzzling it all out.
So where is it? Where's all the fireworks and to-do that's supposed to portend important times? I mean, isn't this sort of part of the prophecy? Where're the rivers of fire, the crumbling mountains; all the crap they feed you that's supposed to signal a prophecy is happening? God, I might've run my last time, and nothing. All I got was a hitch in my side, and some sweat. No great revelations. No keen insights into the human, or demon, condition. Nada. Nothing. No voices, no trumpets sounding the end, no visitations by angels… ok, well, none today, anyway. This could be the last dawn I ever see. This probably will be the last time I walk down to my fucking room in this place. From what Layne told me last night, I'll probably get my fucking head chopped off, and hey, I still don't get the meaning of life. So what the hell is this all about anyway? Why the fuck are we even struggling if this is all there is? She stops in the hall, and looks around. This is it, huh? This is my big fucking destiny? This is all there is? What's the big deal about, anyway? Where's the flaming sword, pointing the way? It's a joke, ya know? One big fucking joke, that's all I can figure.
Shrugging at the ordinariness of it all, she lets herself into her room, and heads for the shower. Dropping her clothes on the floor, she steps in the shower and turns on the water, feeling the icy little knives turn into warm fingers massaging her now achy muscles. Turning around slowly in the shower, she luxuriates in the feel of the warm water hitting her body. This is one of her sweetest pleasures, taking a warm long shower. She loves the feel as the needles of water hit her skin, stimulating her. It relaxes her, soothes her; she feels the tension washing off her body and down the drain. Reaching for the soap, she lathers up richly, enjoying even the rather generic scent of the soap as she spreads it over herself. A happy little sigh escapes her, and for a second she forgets everything but the water hitting her. She is definitely a water baby, now and forever. The only thing that would please her more would be a long soak in the tub; but there's no time for that now.
Trying to stretch the moment as long as possible, she lets the water just wash over her. It's perfect; well, almost perfect. The only thing that would make it perfect if Willow were here, sharing the shower with her. An ache balloons in her chest, and she feels as if someone just kicked her in the stomach. God, I miss Red so fucking much. She fights to push down the tears. She can't break down now, not now. But it hurts, really hurts. I'm never gonna see her again! I'm never gonna hold her again, kiss her again, never touch her again!!!! God, I hate that more than anything. Never see her smile, never see her eyes, none of it. All gone, all fucking gone. For a moment, she stands there, unmoving, as the realization sinks in. God, I'm such a dope. I left her angry with me, left her standing there, staring at me like she couldn't believe I ever felt anything for her. I saw the hurt in her eyes, and I just turned and walked away. Walked away, cold as an ice queen, when all the time I wanted to turn around and grab her up and hold her, assure her everything was ok, she was great, I loved her to death, nothing had changed. But I didn't. I pushed her away. I had to, or I never would've done it. I would've run, dragging her with me. I had to push her away, had to, had to! Faith starts to pound on the shower wall. Had to, it's for the best. She can… hate me, whatever, but she'll get on with her life now, live, Goddammit, live She's safe, she's gotta be safe, she's safe now. She'll be ok, I know it. Now that…shit, shit, shit, shit! Faith starts to pound harder on the wall, cracking the tile. SHIT, SHIT, SHIT, SHIT, SHIT!!!!
Starting to sob, she keeps pounding on the wall. Finally, her legs give out under her, and she sits down hard on the debris. Not caring, her heart breaking, she sits there, crying as the shower water turns cold. I'm gonna die. Fuck me, I'm gonna die!! I don't wanna die, not now. Not when things can be so fucking good. Not now, I don't wanna die!!! She sits there, head down, cold water washing over her, crying. Feeling alone, isolated, hidden away in some anonymous hotel in a strange land. Alone.
When she looks up, her expression has changed. She's angry, her eyes fiery, her mouth in a scowl. She stands up quickly, and turns off the water.
" FUCK YOU!!!!" She yells, defiantly, her heart beating fast in her chest. " FUCK YOU!!! I'M NOT SOME FUCKING WEEPY BABY YOU CAN JUST PUSH AROUND. I'M NOT GONNA CRAWL AWAY WITH MY TAIL BETWEEN MY LEGS. YOU WANNA FIGHT, BABY, WE'RE GONNA FIGHT. I MIGHT LOSE, BUT YOU'RE SO GONNA KNOW YOU FOUGHT FAITH. YOU'RE GONNA WISH YOU NEVER DID!"
She nearly leaps out of the shower, grabbing a towel off the hook. Drying off, she walks to the mirror, and stops. Something… she felt something. Something wonderful and strange and… wonderful. She looks around.
" Red?" She asks, in a small voice. Then she shakes her head. Naw, now that's just stupid! She stops by the mirror to comb her hair, and she has the overwhelming feeling of being held. What in the hell? Shaking it off, she walks into the room to dress. But she can’t quite get over the feeling. Weird, too weird. I'm going crazy now, too. Just great!
Looking in her closet, she pauses. "What in hell do you wear to a fight to the death, huh?" Cursing under her breath, she grabs a purple tank top and a pair of jeans. She grabs her motorcycle boots, and walks out. Dressing quickly, she ties her hair behind her in a ponytail, and walks over to the mirror. She looks in the mirror, and steps back a step.
" Aw crap, just what I need. You." She grumbles , seeing her demon half reflected in the mirror.
Alt-Faith leans against an imaginary wall, giving her the once over. She smirks.
"Well, at least you're finally breakin' out of that " Ms. Corporate Executive " look you been sportin, babe. Tell ya, it was making me puke." Alt-Faith mimes a finger down the throat. Faith makes a face. " Oh, please, you've had bigger things down there." She leers suggestively.
" What the fuck do you want, anyway? Don't I got enough crap going on without you showing up?" Faith complains.
" Hey, gotta tell ya. You're lookin' pretty hot all toned up, Faith, " Alt-Faith gives her the once over, again, " I thinkin' if you weren't me, I'd do ya."
" Hey, if you're just gonna act like the slut you are, can we do this later… like, after I'm dead?"
" Aw, now, don't be that way, Faithy, " Alt-Faith grins, " I'm just here to play cheerleader, ya know? Give you the pep talk and all that crappola."
" Yeah, like I need a Knute Rockne from you, ya know?"
" Not exactly seeing a cheering section for you anywhere around, Faithy" Alt-Faith mocks, " Where's your bestest buddies, girlfriend? Off havin' their nails done?"
" Fuck off."
" Face it Faith, I'm it. I'm the one who'll never desert ya, get it? When everything screwed up, I'm gonna be with ya, fightin' with ya. Not because I like ya so much, but hey, I gotta live too. Pretty powerful reason, don't ya think? So, don't be blowin' me off, bitch."
" Yeah, you've been such a great help to me so far, I'm noticing. Not!" Faith dismisses her, and turns her back.
Alt-Faith reaches out from the mirror, and pulls Faith back.
" Don't you ever turn your back on me, got it? I'm the best part of you, like it or not. This is the day, bitch. Day to prove that you're more than just words, and without me? You're gonna last like maybe 2 minutes, tops."
Faith reaches back, and grabs Alt-Faith's wrist, twisting it. She turns around, twisting the arm so Alt-Faith sinks to her knees.
" I guess listening isn't one of your strengths, huh?" Faith says, sneering at her alter ego, " I told you to fuck off!"
" Hey, you're hurtin' me, " Alt-Faith whines. Then she grins, " I like it!" Before Faith can think, Alt-Faith has grabbed her arm and twists it. Now it's Faith on her knees, in front of the mirror. Alt-Faith reaches out, and slaps her. It feels like a slab of concrete hitting her. Faith glares up at her.
" You think all the toning and conditioning's gonna make a rat's ass today?" Alt-Faith sneers at her. She grabs Faith and forces her to her feet. " What you need, babe, is to want it. Want it bad. Want it so bad you can't think of nothin' else. Not sweet little Red, not Bleach Blonde Beach Bimbo Buffy, not nothin. Got it?" Alt-Faith jabs her in the gut. " You gotta want it here, feel the fire here. Nice abs, by the way."
" I want it…" Faith says through clenched jaws.
" Really? Cuz I'm wonderin' why you're goin' around actin' like you're already dusted." Alt-Faith twists Faith's arm, causing Faith to grimace." Think that hurts? Whattya think a blade through the gut's gonna feel like? Worse than that pig sticker Buffy used on you, baby." Alt-Faith leans in, whispering into Faith's ear. " Listen to me, you little sow, get the fire goin, bitch. I'm so not ready to die yet, and I'm not lettin' you take me out, get it? Get that fire in the belly, babe. Get it goin' fast. Don't be such a wimp. Fight, bitch, get it up. Get a pair and kick some ass here."
Faith feels a wave of icy anger go through her. Pretending to weaken, she leans over, and then rolls Alt-Faith over her shoulder, pulling her out of the mirror, and throwing her to the floor. She brings her boot down on her neck.
" Listen to me, bitch, once and for all. Fuck off!" Faith brings her booted foot in contact with Alt-Faith's ribs. " I'm tired of everybody tellin' me what to do, what I want, all that crap." Faith kicks her alter-ego again." IF I didn't want this, I wouldn't be her, you slut. So, shut up and stop naggin' at me." Faith kicks her a few more times for good measure.
Alt-Faith begins to laugh. In a moment, she's on her feet. Her eyes are glowing red.
" Oh yeah, baby, that's what I need. That anger. Where's it been hidin? Yeah, I think maybe you got some guts after all."
Before Faith's eyes, Alt-Faith begins to change. Her smile becomes broader, as her teeth sharpen. Her eyes are glowing coals of black and red, and her body lengthens and bulks up. Her hands change to claws.
" Yeah, I'm thinkin' you're ready for me now, bitch. Really ready for me now." Alt-Faith says, her voice low and guttural. She literal walks into Faith, melding with her as their bodies meet. Faith is glowing with a dark red glow, and her eyes change to red and black. She can feel the power coursing through her. She closes her eyes, and revels in the feeling, for a moment everything else forgotten.
" So, babe, " Alt-Faith says in Faith's mind. " Feelin' pretty good?"
" Oh yeah," Faith says, her grin inhuman and scary. " Feelin' real good."
" Ready to kick some ass?"
" Oh yeah"
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Ireland
County Limerick
St. Camillus hospital
Much earlier that morning
Layne stares out through the darkened window.
Sleep came fitfully, ever since Faith's visit. Even the drugs the nurses gave her didn't keep her asleep.
Her mind, her dreams are keeping her awake. Over and over, she sees the fight to come in the morning. Over and over, she sees Faith lying on the ground, bleeding, dying.
Although she certainly doesn't love Faith, and although she doesn't understand her, she doesn't want her death, either. All she ever wanted was what was rightfully hers: leadership of the clan. But Aaron's prophecy had put the kibosh on that, and she worked to bring her down. But not to kill her. That was never her plan.
Yet, she didn't object when the Triad took Faith on as a personal cause.
She didn't object when the talk became more radical, more violent.
And when they planned her death in the Cammaragh, she remained silent.
Might as well have loaded the gun myself and shot her. Would've been kinder, and quicker.
Tomorrow, in front of witnesses, she knows Faith will die. And it will be at least partly her fault. Faith's blood will be on her hands.
She finally understands Lady Macbeth's Dilemma. No matter how you try, no matter what you do, you can't wash the stain off your soul. The blood is always right there, taunting you, haunting you. Until it drives you quite mad.
Her problem is, that the Triad has already tried to kill her. Even if she can somehow help Faith, her life's forfeit. One betrayal, as long as it doesn't interfere, they might overlook( after shooting me, of course). But another? She doubts it.
She has to figure that she is dead if she does anything more.
But can she live with the guilt if she doesn't?

So, either lay back, and do nothing, and let the chips fall as they will. Or ring for the nurse, for a phone. To call Kira, to warn her, to get her to somehow find help for Faith. Maybe get the witch involved.
Layne shudders. She remembers Faith's parting words to her.
" You don't want to know what she did to the person who killed her last girlfriend."
She remembers all too well what she did when she was irritated with her.
What would she do if she got really angry?
Lay back. Or call the nurse?
Layne rang for the nurse.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Los Angeles, CA.

Late evening
Kira puts down the phone, looking a little pale.

Buffy and Willow discussing the best way to put their plan in action, look up and note her expression. Buffy comes over to her.
" What's going on, Kira. You look like you just … what is it?"
Kira looks at Buffy, eyes wide. She remains silent, trying to process what Layne just told her. Buffy starts to get a little worried.
" Kira, who was that? What's going on?" Buffy says a little more harshly than she meant. " Sorry, baby, just with everything so hinky right now, I'm kinda feeling edgy…"
" That was Layne. She called to tell me that the Cammaragh is being held tomorrow… no, wait" She looks at her watch and does some mental calculations, " With the time difference, it'll be about midnight here."
"What?" Willow, catching the last part, sounds a little panicked." Midnight, that's like 3 hours from now. that's not enough time… we… can't be prepared by then." Willow paces a little, " I need more time!"
" Will, we don't have more time, " Buffy starts to catch Willow's mood, getting slightly nervy. " We've got to do it now!"
" I need stuff, Buffy! I got most of the stuff, but I need an Asher's Eye crystal. And a lot more conjuring powder, and some herbs… where am I gonna get that stuff at 9 at night?" Willow goes into full panic mode now, " I'm not gonna be able to do this. We're so screwed!" She sits on the couch, muttering to herself, " We're never gonna do this. We're not gonna be able help her… I can't do this. Goddess, I'm so useless…"
Buffy kneels on the floor in front of her. " Will, Will… Willow, look at me, " Buffy commands, her tone firm, " You can do this…we can do this. We'll help, Will. Don't go wonky on me… it's gonna be ok. I promise!" Buffy looks at Kira for help.
" There's a place… Faith mentioned it to me once or twice. A place Angel used to get supplies. I think he stays open late." Kira runs into the office. A minute later she's back, clutching a piece of paper, triumphant. " Ok, got the number." She dials it, and speaks into the phone. " Yeah, ok, he's there, Willow. I can get your stuff. Tell me what you need."
Willow, still feeling lost, gets up and goes over to the reception desk. She takes the phone from Kira, and talks for awhile. She signals for a pencil and paper, which Kira supplies. She writes something down, and then hangs up.
" Ok, he's got what we need, " Willow says, her tone still doubtful, " but there's more. I have to know where Faith's gonna be… do you know where they hold this Cammaragh, Kira?"
Kira's face falls. " God, Willow, they haven't done this kind of thing… I don't know, for centuries I guess. It's not like they hold it annually…" Kira thinks for awhile, trying to remember the legends of the clan." There's a place, not used much anymore, that they used to do rituals at… maybe there?"
" Damn!" Willow sounds defeated, " that isn't good enough. I need a definite location…" She looks at Kira for more help, but doesn't get any. " I could try… but that… no, won't work."
" What?" Buffy has come up beside Willow, " try what? We got to try anything right now."
" I could try to link to her, psychically. But, that hasn't been working so well…"
" Wait a minute. Not 5 hours ago, I found you passed out, but you were linked to her, weren't you? I mean, your spirit or whatever mojo thing was there, right?" Buffy asks.
" I didn't do that, Buffy. Someone, or something, did it to me… I…don't know if I can reach that far…" She shakes her head, " besides, I got to get this stuff…" She shakes the list in her hand.
" I'll get the stuff, " Buffy says, " You just try to find Faith."
" Buffy!" Willow looks worried, " What if… I try…and I …what if I turn…" She doesn't want to say it, but she's worried her darkness will out if she does her magic.
" You're not, Willow. It's not going to happen, " Buffy walks over and puts her hand on Willow's shoulder." You can do this . I believe I you." She looks deep into Willow's green eyes, and sees the barely masked fear there. She pulls Willow into a hug, and whispers in her ear " You're gonna be ok, I promise. I wouldn't ever let anything bad happen to you, Will." She holds her, feeling the woman start to relax in her arms.
" Look, I'll get the supplies we need, " Kira pipes up, " I think you should stay here and help Willow through this." She takes the list from Willow, and starts for the lobby door.
" Kira?" Buffy's worried about Kira's reaction. Their relationship is so new, she's afraid that Kira might misunderstand.
Kira turns, and smiles. " Don't worry, honey. I'm cool with this. Not the jealous type… not much, anyway." She turns and walks out the lobby door.
" I'm being such an idiot, I'm sorry, Buffy," Willow breaks away from Buffy and goes to the couch. She sits, hands in lap." I'm just so afraid of … being her again, I…"
"Willow, don't." Buffy sits next to her, taking her hand, " quit beating yourself up. I know you're incredibly powerful, and you can do this. You can and not go dark. I'm right here with you. What can I do to help?"
" Just do that…" Willow squeezes Buffy's hand." Ground me, don't let me float away."
" I've gotcha, Will. You're not going anywhere." Buffy holds Willow's hand firmly.
Willow leans back, and closes her eyes. She concentrates on Faith, bringing her up in her mind's eye. Slowly, the image shifts, as she remembers her encounters with Faith. The images start to flash through her mind more rapidly, and her image becomes a kaleidoscope of Faith in various moods and expressions. Even though her eyes are closed, she feels the room starting to spin. Slowly at first, the tempo increases faster and faster. She can still feel Buffy holding her hand, but she feels as if she's floating. She feels as if her essence is escaping her body, and then suddenly she feels pulled…
Again she finds herself flying through a void, nothingness surrounding her like a thick fog. Everything is colorless, motionless, except her. She is moving like a meteor, crashing through the grayness, shooting towards somewhere. She can't direct where she's moving; it's as if she's being pulled along by a hook. She can't feel her body, anything… all of her seems to be coming apart . Faster, she moves faster and faster into oblivion ….
Then she stops. She feels woozy and disoriented. She tries to lean on something for support, but realizes she's not solid. For a moment, she closes her eyes to bring the dizziness under control.
When she opens them, she realizes she's in a bathroom. The shower curtain is drawn, and she can hear the water running.
" What the fu…" she exclaims, then hears something. A cry of anger and rage, followed by what sounds like something hitting the wall. Again and again the pounding is heard, in conjunction with small angry cries. She knows that voice, even without words.
Faith.
Curious, she walks over and starts to pull back the curtain, but her hand just goes through. Oh, swell, that's really helpful. You moron, you're not physical! She walks through the curtain, and stops.
Faith is sitting in the tub, water washing over her, surrounded by the tile broken in her tantrum. Her head is down, and she's crying. Forgetting herself, Willow kneels by Faith and tries to take her in her arms. They go right through Faith, and Willow says a string of words not often heard out of her lips. Dammit, I'm useless. I can't even comfort her! Helpless, she watches as Faith pulls herself together. Faith looks up, and Willow sees her expression has changed to anger. Faith almost leaps to her feet, and Willow, startled, retreats back out of the shower.
" FUCK YOU!!!!" Faith yells, defiantly, her heart beating fast in her chest. " FUCK YOU!!! I'M NOT SOME FUCKING WEEPY BABY YOU CAN JUST PUSH AROUND. I'M NOT GONNA CRAWL AWAY WITH MY TAIL BETWEEN MY LEGS. YOU WANNA FIGHT, BABY, WE'RE GONNA FIGHT. I MIGHT LOSE, BUT YOU'RE SO GONNA KNOW YOU FOUGHT FAITH. YOU'RE GONNA WISH YOU NEVER DID!"

Willow stands by the sink, watching as Faith grabs a towel and starts drying off. She can feel waves of anger and frustration rolling off of her, and she wants nothing more than to take Faith in her arms, hold her and make it better. She starts to walk towards her, at the very same time Faith is walking towards the mirror, and towards her…
She passes through Faith, and Willow's frustration grows. That, and the weirdness of Faith walking through her, gives her a major case of the wigs.
" Red?" Faith asks in a small voice, almost a whisper.
Willow, excited, calls out.
" Yes, baby, I'm here…I'm right here."
Faith walks to the mirror, combing her hair. Willow watches her. I gotta …somehow, I gotta let her know I'm here… She concentrates, gathering herself together. She walks over to Faith, and puts her arms around her, holding her. All the time she's thinking… feel me, baby. I'm here. I'm with you. I won't let you down… I love you! She hugs Faith tightly.
And she can feel Faith responding, feeling her holding her. Willow's heart leaps in her chest… and then sinks.
The pulling starts again, and hard as she tries, she can't resist it. She feels herself being pulled away from Faith.
" No…not now… dammit not now!!" Willow screams to no one, because no one can hear her. The scene before her fades, and she feels the grayness surrounding her.
An overwhelming sense of sadness invades her. She wanted nothing more than to stay there, hold Faith. She feels cheated. The pull is too strong however, and she's flying back. Back to Los Angeles, to her body.
There's something else. She can feel it. A warmth… a feeling she didn't have before. Locked in her heart. A connection to Faith. She can still feel her, even away from her. She closes her eyes, letting the warmth suffuse her.
When she opens them, she sees Buffy's worried face over hers. She's sweating, she can feel it on her brow, and panting, as if she's just run a very long distance. But she feels… wonderful.
" Will? You ok? God, you had me worried!" Buffy cries out, realizing her friend is back. From where? Where did she go?
A smile, a large goofy grin washes over Willow's face.
" I feel her Buffy, " Willow says, almost in a whisper. " I know where she is. I can follow her anywhere now."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Ireland
County Limerick

Faith stands quietly in the field, surrounded by members of the clan.
She is hooded; has been since after they picked her up at the hotel. This place is secret, a sacred space. Known only to the elders. This is the place that the Cammaragh would take place.
The air is heavy; breathing in the hood is difficult, but she makes no complaint. This was her choice.
Even though she can't see the people around her, her other senses take them in. She can hear the whispers and shuffling of feet. She can smell the sweetness of the grass, and the sour smell of sweat. She can feel the sun on her shoulders, hot and close. The sweat pours down her face and body.
More, her slayer sense brings home the hostility of the majority of the crowd. Guess there won't be any " Go, Faith" banners in the group, she thinks dryly. Compressing her lips, she stands waiting for the damned hood to be removed.
A small group of 6, the elders of the board, surround her. They look at her grimly, their stone faces not revealing their thoughts. One signals to the guard behind her, and her hood is removed.
Faith looks at the group, and her heart sinks a bit. Not a friendly face in the bunch. All of them voted against her. Oh, this is already looking too good. She stands facing them, her expression set and grim.
" Faith Lehane, nee Delano, born of the clan Lehane in the New World. You've been brought here on this day to face the judgment of the elders. You have been judged unfit to lead the clan, and have been judged so by your peers. What say you to these charges?"
Faith, remembering her line, responds, " I call for my right as leader for the Cammaragh"
The elder looks at her, his eyes betraying his doubt. " The Cammaragh. The Justice. This is a battle to the death. Are you aware of this?"
" Yes"
" The council has chosen its champion. He will fight you to either you or he dies. There is no mercy. Again, I ask you, are you aware of this?"
" Yes, I understand, " Faith says shortly.
" Very well," The elder replies, his tone disapproving, " You will be provided sword and shield, as is custom." He nods to one of the guards, and they bring her the sword and shield. Faith hefts the sword, noting it's a little heavier than she's used to. Has a fine balance, however, she notes as she moves it carefully through the air. She nods her acceptance.
" Bring in the champion."
A figure emerges from the crowd. He is tall, well built and clothed in leather armor. On his arm is a shield bearing the clan's emblem. He wears a helmet that nearly covers his face. Yet, somehow, there's something familiar about him. Faith looks at him closely.
" Liam?" She asks, incredulously. She didn't expect this.
" Aye, Faith. It's Liam," He says quietly, standing off a bit.
" You're the clan's champion?"
" So it would appear," he says, a small smile tugging at his mouth.
" Why?"
His face goes grim, " It's my duty, Faith. You're not fit to lead the clan."
" You really believe that?"
" I do"
Faith sighs. For a second she wonders if this is really what she wants. She's fond of Liam, always has been. If he thinks I'm not fit… but she cuts off the thought. Her face sets into a mask.
" You realize I've got to kill you?" Faith asks, quietly.
" I do, " He replies, " if you can."
Faith is about to retort when the elder interrupts.
" The challenger and the champion will acknowledge each other by touching swords. When the horn sounds, the fight begins. Do you both understand?"
Faith nods curtly. Liam also nods.
They lift swords, and touch them together. Faith feels a chill go down her spine… and a slight weakening. So, it's true. What Layne said. Damn! Well, if I live through this, there's gonna be hell to pay…
The crowd on the field retreat, leaving the combatants in the circle. Liam walks to the other end of the battleground and waits. Faith can sense the excitement rising in the crowd, and it sickens her. So, they're looking for a little blood, eh? So much for the pacifists.
Nerves taught, a frown on her face, she waits for the signal.
The horn blows.
" Let's get it done!" She mutters , as she charges into the battle.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Los Angeles, CA.
Hyperion Hotel.
Near midnight.

The lights of the lobby have been dimmed, and Willow walks about the circle, lighting the candles placed there earlier. She says a small prayer as she lights each one, sprinkling a pinch of herbs on each. Finally, done, she joins the others within the circle.
Seated facing each other, Buffy and Kira look to Willow for guidance. In the center is a large blue crystal. A flaw in the crystal looks almost like an eye, giving it special properties, and it's name: Asher's Eye. Forming a circle around it sit three small incense burners. They are filled with a blend of herbs and conjuring powder. Willow motions for Kira and Buffy to be seated, and hands them a card, and a lighter.
" Are you ready?" Willow asks, feeling a little nervous. Buffy nods solemnly, but Kira giggles. Buffy and Willow look at her.
"Sorry, just never done this before. I feel a little silly…" Kira shrugs and blushes.
" Look, if you're not serious about this…" Willow starts to stand up, but Buffy just looks at her. A silent message seems to pass between them, and Willow, a little deflated, sits down with a rueful grin on her face. " Sorry. I guess I'm nervous too, and I've done this a lot. I felt really silly first time I tried it."
Buffy squeezes Kira's hand, and she smiles. Willow smiles.
"Ok, here we go." She pauses, and lifts up the text by her side. " Hecate, goddess, hear our plea. We beseech thee to intervene in our behalf. Help us to help our sister who faces mortal danger." She cues the other two, who respond.
" Hear our plea" Buffy and Kira chant together.
" Gaia, Goddess of the earth, she who connects all, bring us together with our sister, so we may help her in this her time of battle"
" Hear us, Oh Gaia"
" Artemis, Goddess of the hunt, protector of young women, watch over our sister as she battles for her life."
" Hear us, Oh Artemis!"
" Athena, Goddess of Wisdom, warrior, protect our sister in her struggle. Call out your goddesses, Nike, victory, and Nemesis, she of the righteous anger, to protect and help our sister."
" Hear us, Oh Athena!"
Willow motions to the others to light the mixture in the incense burners in front of them. They do, and she continues.
" We burn these offerings in your honor, oh powerful ones. Please, aid us in our struggle!"
They sit quiet for awhile, as the herbs burn in the incense holders.
Willow turns over her card. " I am the Shield, the protector. I guard the body, the soul and the heart of my sister in battle."
Buffy turns over her card. " I am the Sword. I give strength and power. I join with my sister in her battle."
Kira turns over her card. " I am the Eye. I see beyond what is visible. I give insight and wisdom, to my sister who struggles."
Willow motions for them to join hands.
" Gaia, our mother, hear us, " Willow intones, " join us with our sister who battles for her life. Take our essences, and join them with her, so she may be strengthened."
They say together the rest together.
" Join us"
" Join us"
" Join us"
Sitting in the darkness, at first nothing seems to happen. Then from each a bright light seems to appear, slowly moving around the circle, joining with the others to become very bright. Willow stares into the Asher's eye, concentrating on Faith. The energy coalesces, and enters the crystal, then erupts, magnified, and shoots skyward, through the roof.
The three women, still holding hands, fall back unconscious.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Ireland
County Limerick

Faith is on the ground, on hands and knees, sweating and bleeding.
She's getting her ass whipped.
The fight has been uneven since the beginning. Although she got in a fair amount of blows, each seemed to slide off Liam. Each time a blow struck, she felt a chill, and became weaker. Things were definitely not going well for her.
But she won't quit. She pushes off, bringing her sword up. Her shield is gone, long shattered by Liam's blows. Her whole body is protesting, but she's not giving up. She won't lie still and just take it. Forcing herself into a stance, she prepares for the next onslaught.
What rankles her most is that Liam is not even going for the kill. He's toying with her, playing around at fighting her, hitting her with glancing blows; designed to hurt, but not finish the job. He's rubbing salt into her wounds, humiliating her as well as fighting her. She's heard more than a little laughter at her expense. Gritting her teeth, ignoring the sweat trickling into her eyes, she charges him, trying to land a blow.
Liam, confident and hardly feeling the battle, waits and steps out of the way at the last moment, watching as she overshoots him. He twirls around, hitting her with the flat of his blade. She goes flying into the ground, her chin jarring on the hard earth. She stays there for a moment, stunned.
Liam walks over, and stands above her, putting the point of his sword barely into her back.
" C'mon Faith, I know you can do better than this. You're a slayer, right? You're supposed to be a warrior." He raises his foot and shoves her side, rolling her over on her back. She lies there, exhausted and stunned.
" So, this is the leader of the Lehane, huh? That's what you thought to be. Look at you, Faith. It's over. You can't even move. Just give up, and I'll end this now." Liam brings the point of the sword. " I don't want to humiliate you anymore. Just give it up."
Faith looks up at him. She aches all over; there's not a place on her that doesn't hurt. Her lungs feel like their on fire, and she can barely lift herself off the ground. But she won't give up. She pushes up, as fast as possible, and spits on him.
" Screw you, Liam!" Faith chokes out. She scrambles to recover her sword. She finds it, and is picking it up when a voice shouts in her head.
" FAITH, DUCK!!!"
Instinctively, Faith does a shoulder roll, coming up just a little away from where Liam's blade almost pierced her. She looks around, confused.
" Red?" She whispers hoarsely. She's feeling shaky, her knees near ready to give out. I must be hallucinating, now. Shit!
"Here baby," Faith hears Willow's voice in her head, " I'm not gonna let you do this alone. Oh, and I brought a couple of friends with. Hope you don't mind… er… Faith? RUN!"
Faith, exhausted, doesn't argue. She starts to run as fast as she can, hearing Liam behind her, trying to hit her with his sword.
" Heya, Faith. How's it going? Not too good, I'm seeing, " Faith hears Buffy's voice in her head, " want a little help?"
" Hi, Faith, we're here. Not gonna let you die or anything, " Kira's voice pops up in her head.
Faith keeps running. She figures she's just losing it, her mind is beginning to crack. Could be worse, I guess. Could be my old parole officer… Faith's energy gives out, and she stumbles. She tries to keep going, but her legs give out, and she falls. Liam comes up behind her, and raises his sword.
" It's over, Faith. You lost." He starts to bring his sword down… and then it stops. Mid-air. He can't thrust it any closer. He stands over Faith, looking puzzled.
"What in the hell?" He ponders, looking down at Faith.
At that moment, a glow of energy seems to surround Faith. Liam, startled, backs up a couple of steps. Inside, Faith feels a healing surge flood through her body. Her wounds close; her strength returns to normal. More, she feels powerful. Very powerful. A sense of calm enwraps her as she feels her spirit, her essence, join with the others. She nearly leaps off the ground. Her eyes seem to glow.
Liam, for the first time since they started, feels fear. He starts to back away.
"What the hell is this?" He mutters, taking a stance. He brings up his sword.
" This is called payback" Faith growls.
Weaponless, she runs at Liam. For the first time, her eyes seem to clear. She can see the shining stone amulet on his breastplate.
" That's it!" Red says in her head, " hit it. Hit the jewel. You've got to destroy it."
Liam brings the broadsword down, as if to strike her. Faith grabs his wrist, stopping it. He stands there, stunned. She raises her other fist, and brings it down hard on is breastplate. The jewel shimmers, and cracks, but stays intact.
" What the hell are you doing?" Liam growls. He brings his other fist around to punch her, but still holding his wrist, she ducks the blow. Her knee comes up, and hits him square in the groin. He screams, and his eyes go wide. He stumbles and falls over.
" THAT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!" He yells, grabbing at his crotch, moaning. Faith stands above him, laughing.
" Yeah, life's a bitch, aint it?" She chortles.
" Faith… do it, destroy the stone. I don't know how much longer we can keep this up!" Red urges her.
Faith, angry, kicks him in the groin again, and Liam groans, trying to avoid her in anyway he can. He starts to wriggle away on the ground.
" Get up, get up, dammit! Fight her, kill her you coward!" A voice calls out from the crowd. Faith turns towards the voice, but can't see where it's coming from. She looks around, and spots a stone. Picking it up, she goes over to Liam. Kicking him, she turns him over. Menoch's hope is exposed. She brings the stone down hard on his breastplate, shattering the amulet's jewel.
The next thing she knows, she's flying backwards through the air. The jewel, being destroyed, releases all the energy it ever collected in its use. A bright, brilliant flash envelops Liam, and then a blue-white column of fire shoots into the sky. Most of the energy, the owners long dead, dissipates into the air. But Faith's life force comes slamming back into her. She stands up, her body suffused with the energy of herself and her friends.
She looks over to where Liam lies, limp and unmoving. She walks over, and kneels beside him. She touches his neck. She turns and looks at the crowd.
" He's dead, " she says simply. But it doesn't sound like Faith anymore. All of their voices blend into hers. The crowd backs up, scared. All but one.
" Witch! You cheated!" He cries out, pointing at her. " What kind of dark arts are these? Where did you get the power?"
Faith calmly pulls something off Liam's body. She holds it up.

" I cheated? What do you call this?" She shows the amulet to the crowd.
One of the elders , still afraid to get too close, nonetheless advances. She throws it to him. He inspects it, his brow furrowed.
" It's the Menoch's hope. How did he get ahold of this? It's supposed to be in a museum. It's never supposed to be used!"
The crowd murmurs.
" It's a trick. This … witch… planted it on him. She used magic to destroy him!" The man yells out.
More murmurs form the crowd.
" Don't just stand there, " he cries out, signaling to his men, " Shoot her!"
A number of the crowd, in cloaks, step out of the crowd. From underneath the cloaks they bring up automatic weapons, all pointed at Faith. Faith doesn't move except to shake her head.
" Those things? Never helpful, " She says in a mocking voice.
" Die, witch!" the first man yells. At that, his men start to fire.
" Not today," Faith says, and holds up her hands. The bullets stop mid-air, as if stuck in glue. Then they change into flowers, dropping harmlessly onto the ground.
The men stare at the flowers, then start to raise their guns again, only to cry out in horror when their guns turn into snakes. The snakes turn on them, biting them. Scared out of their wits, they turn and run off the field.
" Not to worry. The snakes? Harmless" Faith looks at the man in front of her. He pulls out a pistol and aims it at her, point blank.
" Maybe they can't shoot you, bitch, but I can!" Faith just gestures; slowly his gun turns on him. His eyes go wide as he realizes that he can't stop it. He drops the gun, and it turns into a dove, and flies away.
" Ooops, " Faith says. " Well, lets see who's trying to kill me so badly, shall we?" She walks over and grabs the man, holding him high over her head. She pulls off his cowl, and his face is revealed.
" Sean!" many in the crowd shout out.
" Naw, lets see who he really is!" Faith , with Kira's abilities infused in her, can see his true self under his guise. Using Red's magic, she waves her hand in front of her, revealing " Sean" to be a demon. A rather nasty looking battle demon, in fact.
"Well, well, as my grandmother would say, looks like there's a fox in the henhouse!"
The battle demon breaks her grip, moving away. He takes a stance, and yelling, charges her. Faith , using her combined strength, lands a haymaker on him, stopping him in his tracks. Before he can recover, she grabs him by the neck and twists, snapping it. The demon falls to the ground.
Faith feels a sudden dizziness, and braces herself. Sitting down hard on the ground, she feels as if a good part of her is being drained. She feels suddenly alone. They're gone, she thinks, sitting there for a moment to recover.
She stands, and starts to walk over to where Liam's body lies. A few of the elders start towards her, but she waves them off angrily. They back off, and she stops by his body, looking down at her now dead cousin.
So, was it worth it, Liam? Did you make your point? She asks the dead man, angrily, did you die for your ideals? Was this how you wanted it to end? Will your family be proud of you? Was it worth your life? She wonders if she's asking Liam these questions, or herself. She looks at his face, so innocent now in death. She wonders what kind of life he would've had. Would you have married? What about your children? The children that won't be born now? What might they have done, if they had a chance. Did you even think about that? All for what, Liam? What did you accomplish, anyway? Honor? Bragging rights? Tell your mates you took out a slayer? How proud are they gonna be now, knowing you were following a demon all this time? The very thing you were supposed to be fighting? Faith stands there, looking down at the dead boy, feeling her eyes burn from hot tears forming. What a waste. Whatta fucking waste!
Faith picks up Liam's fallen sword. She feels its weight and holds it, as an overwhelming sadness takes her. I won, but what does it mean, really? What was it for? What did I prove here? That I was better? That's a joke. I nearly got my ass kicked. If Willow hadn't done whatever she did, I'd be lying there. I know if they hadn't cheated, I would've probably been ok, but … could I have killed him? I've killed before, but that was the old me. Wasn't it? Am I still that monster? Does it rule me, or me it? How many years have I tried to put that behind me, and look where I'm at. Still standing over death and violence I caused. I could've … maybe should've… walked away from this. I didn't have to do this. But I did. Because I … why? Why? What good excuse do I have for doing this? To change things? To fight evil on my terms? What good have I done here?
She looks up, and sees the crowd of spectators broken into groups, milling around, afraid to approach her. She feels her sadness overtaken by anger. LOOK AT THEM!!! She wants to scream at the sheep that pretend to be people. Look at them! One hardly more than a boy, the other the very thing we fight. And you threw the one on the pyre for the other. Is this what you're about? Is this what the great Lehane is all about? You sit back and hide in the shadows, spinning your webs to make things go how you want to see them. How're you any different from Wolfram and Hart I wanna know? You blind yourself to a monster in your midst, and let some poor boy die for you…for what? If I peel back the layers, what kind of monsters will I find hiding under your pious, self-righteous looks? Who are you? WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?
Who the fuck am I? I'm the worst of all, cuz I shoulda known better!!!
She doesn't say a word. She just looks at them, and disgust wells up in her heart. She takes the sword, and raising it over her head, drives it into the earth. A few of the spectators gasp, thinking she's about do something more. Some hurry away, fearful for their safety.
Run, you fucking sheep, she thinks as she starts to walk towards the crowd. Run and hide, and wait for someone else to lead you. She strides across the field, trying to get as much distance from this disaster as she can. She suddenly stops, and feels dizzy. She tries to steady herself, but her knees seem to give out on her. Crying out in pain, she falls over, lying prone on the ground.
A small group of elders, breaking off from the pack, come over to where she lay. The look down at her. one of them, seemingly the oldest of the group, kneels down beside her and touches her lightly on the back, quickly withdrawing his hand when it burns. Motioning to the others, they tear her shirt. On her back, looking still raw and fresh, appears to be a branding . It's an intricate pattern of lines and circles, and they recognize it instantly: it was the sign of Lehane, worn only by those designated as the chosen one, the one who is above all. Even as they watch, the pattern darkens as Faith's accelerated healing process kicks in. The rawness scabs over; soon it will be merely a patterned scarring on her back. They sit quietly for a moment, pondering over the miracle sent to them by the powers that be.
Slowly, almost reverentially, they lift the fallen warrior off the ground, and carry her off the battleground.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Los Angeles, CA.
Hyperion Hotel, Lobby
Sometime in the very early morning hours.

There is a stirring amongst the women lying prone on the lobby floor. Buffy rises first, and stretches, looking at the other two, who are still seemingly out of it. She hears a groan come from Kira, and scootches over towards her, in time to watch her open her eyes.
At first Kira seems disoriented, as if she's not sure where or when she is. She looks through Buffy as if she doesn't recognize her. Her eyes seem flat and dull. Slowly, a light comes on in them, and she smiles up at the little blond woman hovering over her.
" Hey, we did it. We really did it!" Kira says, softly, in wonder. " I was there. I could see it all. God, that was a trip!"
" That was amazing. I could feel everything, I felt like I was part of her. A part of all of us. It's just…" Buffy trails off, unable to verbalize or even completely process the feelings.
For a long while, the two just stare at each other, realizing they shared an intimacy rare amongst anyone. Kira pushes up and looks over in the general direction of Willow.
" How's Willow? She seems…" she stops, seeing Willow for the first time.
Buffy looks over, then rushes over to Willow. Willow is still lying there. Her gaze is fixed and glassy. Buffy, worried, feels for her pulse, and breathes when she finds it strong. Kneeling beside her, Buffy is a little startled when she feels her skin. It's cool and clammy. Looking closely, she sees how pale she is, and her she begins to worry all over again. Motioning to Kira, they lift her and carry her to the couch.
" What's wrong with her?" Kira asks, staring down at the unconscious woman.
" I dunno. Maybe… shit, I think she might be going into shock. Maybe … call an ambulance, Kira. I'll get a blanket to keep her warm. " Buffy looks frightened. " What happened to her?"
Buffy is turning to run up the stairs when she hears a loud gasp. Turning back, she sees Willow sitting up, seeming to gasp for air. Then, almost on cue, a wail comes out of her, a wail so terrible and lonesome and sad, it hurts to hear it. Buffy and Kira, frightened and confused, stand stock still as the wail seems to go on and on. Finally, pulling at her clothes and hair, Willow starts to sob. She leans over, her body shaking.
Buffy, moving first, goes over and kneels by Willow, putting an arm around her shoulder. Willow leans into her, and cries her heart out.
" What is it, honey? What's wrong?" Buffy tries to soothe her friend.
Willow looks up at Buffy, her cheeks stained in tears. She clings to Buffy, needing the warmth.
" Oh, Buffy. I'm.. I can feel her, feel what she feels."
" Who, Will? Faith?"
" Yes, Faith. God, Buffy. The pain, god, it's horrible Buffy. The sadness, the anger, all of it, I can feel it. It's like knives. Goddess, Buffy, she's… she feels empty, lost, god she feels so lost.
" She feels so alone…"
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Ireland
County Limerick

Faith lays face down on the small cot.
She can barely feel any pain from her back, the wound has almost healed. The itching's terrible; it takes all her will not to reach back and scratch. She's almost grateful for the itch, however, because it breaks into her thoughts.
It's her thoughts that cause her pain.
All she could see was death. Liam, lying dead in the field. Angel, destroyed by the demons of Wolfram and Hart. The faces of the all too many people she killed. The Slayers and SiT's that died fighting the first. Death, and more death, and more death. It felt like raw wounds to her heart, jagged gaping wounds that wouldn't heal, only hurt and hurt and hurt some more. She couldn't even cry; her eyes felt hot and grainy, but no tears would come.
Why, why, why, why, why? she cries out in her mind, the images surrounding her and taunting her. Why're you doing this to me? I didn't want this! I didn't want him to die. What? Is that all I'm good for? Killing? Is that the grand plan, the great " Destiny" you've got in store for me? To be your fucking hit man? Why don't you leave me alone? Why can't I do anything right? Why does everything I touch die? GOD, I HATE THIS!!!! Why're you doing this to me?????
Unable to rest, she pushes off the cot, and gets up, pacing around the small room where they've put her. Now you've marked me. What? Am I Cain now? Am I the bad one again? Doesn't anything I've done, anything I've been through in the last 5 years mean anything?
She shakes her head. She remembers that Angel told her that no matter what she did, she might never balance the scales. I've tried, I've really tried to atone, to make good. But maybe I'm just never going to make it. Maybe I was never meant to be anything but a killer.
She raises her palms, and even though they're clean, she can still see blood dripping from them. In her minds eye, her hands will never be clean. She thinks about Liam, how he looked lying there, gone, nothing but his body; his shell starting the slow rot of death. She can feel the stickiness of the blood on her hands, smell the coppery smell.
No choice. I didn't have a choice. I had to do this. This was my destiny. This is what I'm supposed to do. Isn't it?
Even as the thought goes through her mind, she realizes how hollow it sounded. How empty.
Empty. Like she feels now.
Underneath the pain, that's what she feels. Empty. All this, supposedly what she wants, just feels… like nothing. This is her victory, her proving that she's best, she deserves to lead.
Lead what? She thought to herself, bitterly, sheep? Cuz that's what I saw out there , lookin' at me. Sheep. Sheep that instead of following, sit around and bleat about how wrong any new idea is. How the 'old' way is the best way. Fucking sheep too scared of their own shadows too much to do anything but hide in them. Sheep who can't tell the diff when a demon comes to lead them. This last causes a rueful smile, considering her own heritage. Sheep who fall in line and follow a demon cuz he says what they want to hear. Yeah. Sheep.
As good as that sounds, she knows she's still lying to herself. Because that isn't why she feels hollow. Why it doesn't feel right. That something bigger, more fundamental is missing. She knows it's a lie, but she doesn't know why yet.
Feeling confined, hemmed in, she bolts for the door. Opening it, she sees it opens into an enclosed courtyard. She steps out, walking over the path to a spot in the sun. She stands, looking at her shadow, her mind trying to penetrate the seeming mist hiding the truth from her.
As she stands there, two sparrows descend from the sky, and land . They start pecking at something unseen on the ground, and then start to get aggressive with each other, fighting over a morsel that is too small to share. She watches fascinated as each on vies to claim the prize. Finally one, more aggressive than the other, chases off its rival, and stands over its prize, consuming it.
In that moment, she has a clarity of vision, an epiphany. It's as if a light shines in the dark corners, and reveals the truth to her.
Mine!
That's why this doesn't feel right, none of it. It's not hers. Not her vision, not her expectations.
Despite her claims at being herself, being free, it's simply a lie. A lie she told herself to justify what she's done. How she's lived her life. But in this clarity, she sees that she's never been truly free. That she's lived her life living up, or down, to other's expectations of herself. That her vaunted ' independence' was a sham. How she acted in Sunnydale was because she was reacting to what the ' gang' thought she should act. First being a 'good' slayer, then later, when things went wrong, a 'bad' slayer. Killing for the Mayor? Again, because he expected it of her. Was it what she wanted? No, it was what HE wanted her to do. She wanted his approval so badly she put her own feelings aside. Later, with Angel, same thing. She started the ' atonement' because she thought that was what he expected of her. Not what she expected of herself, but what she felt he saw in her. Then the prophecy, she was the chosen. So again, she subsumes her own desires, her own expectations, to do what is expected of her. She does it, but slowly, gradually it slips away. The feeling of rightness, the sense of purpose.
So here she stands, feeling empty. Because in the end, being independent isn't just ' doing your own thing'. It's living up to your own expectations of yourself. Realizing what's important to you, to your life, and acting on it. That's something she's never really done. She's reacted to what others wanted of her, demanded of her, expected of her. But when it came to knowing what she wanted, needed, or expected of herself, she's never taken to the time to find out.
And then she hears the mocking laugh.
She turns, and leaning against a tree in the courtyard, she sees herself. Her ' worst half' if you will, looking at her with a self satisfied grin on her face.

" So, baby, you finally got it, huh? Boy, took ya long enough."
Faith just stares at her with compressed lips.
" Oh, don't be that way. What, you were expecting like some Angel or somethin'? Trumpets and harps and a corps of divine figures comin' down to hit you with the smart stick? Get real. Here's the scoop. All this time you been playin' their game, and you been losin' out on what's important. That it's YOUR game now. That you gotta pick up the ball and run with it. That you gotta figure out what's right for you , what you need to do so that in the middle of the night, you aint wakin' up wondering what the hell you're doin here."
" Ok, so how come if you knew this, you didn't clue me?" Faith asks, a bit irritated. " Might've made things a whole lot less crappy, you know?"
Her alter ego just shakes her head. " God, it's still not sinking in, is it? I'm you, dumbass. I'm not some separate being, I'm you. I don't know it til you know it. I'm just smart enough to see the truth when it comes up and slaps me in the face. God, I can be such a dork." She sees Faith's skepticism," listen, I'll try to explain it to you one last time. I'll go real slow and use small words, so it doesn't go flyin' over your head. I'm you, dope. I'm not like your "Demon" half. You aint like the " good half." It's all mixed together, all the way down the scale. We're part of each other, light and dark, good or bad, or however ya wanna figure it. You aint you without me, and fuck me, I'm stuck with you. So get used to it, ok? There's no separating us, cuz we're the same thing." She gives Faith a look, " don't be so glum, chum. It's not just you. Nobody's pure good or pure evil. We all got the mix, so to speak. It's just how you use it, what you do with what you got, makes the diff."
" So what now?"
" Hey, don't look at me! What, am I the information lady or somethin? Figure it out, that's your job… for the rest of your life, girlfriend. Me? I'm takin' a nap. Wake me when you got it, 'k?" With that, her alter ego fades out, leaving Faith even more puzzled.
Faith walks over and sits under the tree, wincing a little as she leans back on her still slightly sore back. She closes her eyes, and sighs.
So, what now?
What now?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
To be continued.
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Independence