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Know Who I Am	By : Paigie Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > FemmeSlash - Female/Female > Buffy/Faith Views: 4757 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, UPN and WB Television Networks own the television shows, "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and "Angel". Dark Horse and IDW own the Comics. No copyright infringement is intended, no money is be

Chapter List
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“Buffy, will you please pay attention? This is important,” Wesley says and trust me, it’s not. He’s been going on and on for the last twenty minutes about fight strategy and all of this I’ve already learned from Giles. What I haven’t learned from Giles I learned on my own when I was trying to, I don’t know, not be killed by vampires or demons.
“Just give it up, Wes, we know this shit already,” Faith says and leans back in her chair. Ok, so she’s the real reason why I haven’t been paying attention. She looks so beautiful today. She’s kind of glowing, and I think she dressed up a little just for me. At least that’s what I’m hoping. I can’t keep my eyes off of her. And apparently neither can Xander because he’s staring at her and pretending to read that book. Keep your eyes off my girl!
“Ow!” Xander yelps and I can’t believe I just did that. What is wrong with me that I would kick Xander in the shin like a four-year-old? At least I didn’t use slayer strength or his leg would have snapped like a twig. “Which one of you just kicked me?” He reaches down and rubs his shin and he looks like he’s in a lot of pain. Ok, so maybe I did use a little slayer strength. It’s not my fault he was eyeing my girl like a hobo staring into the window of a Red Lobster.
“Children,” Giles says in that voice that sounds like he’s being serious but he’s really being sarcastic. “Need I remind you of the basic school house rules? No cursing and keep your body parts to yourself.” I can’t help but giggle a little bit and I smile when Faith looks over at me with that mischievous smirk. I can’t believe that one little facial expression can turn me on to the point where I think I need to change my panties. Today is going to be very uncomfortable.
“Wesley, Faith is right. We already know this stuff, and going over it again isn’t going to give us any type of advantage,” I say and my whole body tenses up when I feel something touch my leg. I glance down as subtly as possible. Faith is rubbing her foot against my ankle? Faith is playing footsie with me? I think I woke up in some alternate dimension where I’m the oversexed pervy one and Faith is the almost innocent sweet girl you just want to hold.
“Girls, going over battle strategies could be useful if you run into the vampire cult on your patrol,” Giles says and I can’t help but sigh. I’m not sighing because I’m irritated or anything. I’m sighing because of the feel of Faith’s foot lightly rubbing against mine. I rub back and I can’t help the little tingle that shot up my spine. There’s just something about playing footsie with a bunch of people in the room that makes it so much better.
“Right. Thank you Mr. Giles for backing me up. Now, as I was saying,” Wesley says and I tune him out. I’m focused completely on Faith and her foot lightly rubbing against mine and up and down my leg. I can’t believe how turned on I’m getting. I don’t think I’m going to be able to take much more of this. I might have to do something embarrassing and gross, like relieve some of this tension in a bathroom stall myself, if I’m going to get through the rest of this day with my sanity intact.
I can’t help think about last night. They way she touched me, the way she took me over so completely and then gave up all of her control to me…it was amazing. She was amazing and I can’t believe we really did all of those things. I’ve never felt more out of my element, more terrified or more intimidated, and I’ve also never felt more loved than any other time in my life.
“Buffy,” I hear Willow practically yell and I pull my leg away from Faith’s so quickly that when it slams against the leg of the table, the leg snaps and the table tilts and all of the books fall off. What is wrong with me today? I’m acting like such a spazz. Why can’t I just be normal? Is that really too much to ask? “Are you ok?” I look up at Willow and ignore Giles and Wesley freaking out about how old and irreplaceable the demons books are.
“I’m fine, Will,” I tell her but she doesn’t believe me. I can tell just by the look on her face that she thinks I’m lying to her. “Really, I just have a lot of stuff on my mind.” I glance over at Faith and then look back at Will. She gets that expression on her face like a light bulb just went off inside her mind. Now she’s going to want to talk about it and I’m not sure that I can.
“Buffy are you sure you’re alright? You’ve seemed a little unlike yourself all afternoon. If you’re feeling under the weather maybe Faith should patrol alone tonight,” Giles says as he picks up more books and takes them over to the counter. My eyes go wide and I glance over at Faith. I break one table and he wants to separate us? We’re not little kids, he can’t tell us not to patrol together. Who died and made him the boss of me? Oh right, the slayer before me.
“No Giles, I’m fine,” I tell him but I don’t think he’s really paying attention because he’s picking up more books and grumbling about a broken spine. “Besides, with these vamps still on the loose it’s not safe for any of us to be out alone. We should stick together just in case.” I love patrolling with Faith because that’s the only real chance we have to talk about whatever is on our minds and I’m not having that taken away.
“I don’t know, Buffy, maybe you should take a night off and rest,” Willow says and she sounds really concerned but her face is giving her away. She’s passively aggressively teasing me because she knows something happened and it’s going to be a while before she can ask me, and even longer before I’ll be ready to open up. “I mean, you must have fought some really strong baddie last night. You’ve been limping all day.” Oh, she is such a bitch. Well, not really because she’s sweet, loveable Willow but right now she is such a bitch.
“You didn’t mention any of this, Buffy,” Wesley says and I know I’m going to get a lecture. I glare at Willow and she has the decency to look guilty but she also looks a little amused. Remind me to give her shit about this later. “As your watcher I’m to know the goings on of your patrols and that includes fighting any type of creature of the night, no matter how insignificant it may seem at the time.” His face is getting red and flustered so this is probably going to go on for a while. “This vampire or demon you fought may very well be a link to this vampire cult we’re trying to find.”
“Hey Wes, back off,” Faith says and she sounds really pissed. She stands up and crosses her arms over her chest and the look on her face is nothing but serious. “You’re our watcher not our slave master and you don’t get to talk to us like you are.” There’s a tense moment as she stares him down and he looks nervous. “You got a problem with that or do I need to show you what a slayer can really do?” Wow, my almost-girlfriend is really protective. Normally I don’t like it when other people try to fight my battles for me but I think I’m going to let her handle Wesley from now on if his face turns that white every time.
“Perhaps my tone was a bit harsh, but this is important, Faith. These rules and procedures are set in place in order to keep people safe,” he says and I can’t help but roll my eyes. He can never just admit when he’s wrong and apologize, he always has to justify it. If I didn’t want to avoid a major lecture from Giles, I’d throw that little weasel across the room. I could do it too, I’m totally strong enough.
“We never followed all the rules before and we were just fine. Sure, a couple of people almost poked their eyes out running with scissors but they learned that not everything is all fun and games,” Xander says and I send a little smile his way. I’m so lucky to have him and Willow as friends. Who knows what I would be like if I were really all alone. I’d probably be some butchy semi-rouge slayer with a bad attitude and split ends. Thank God for Willow and Xander because unless you’re about to storm a beach there is no excuse for combat boots.
“Ah, yes Xander, you are correct,” Wesley says and Xander gets that ‘haha, I told you so’ look on his face. But Wesley was being sarcastic and I can tell he’s going to say something rude. He always gets that smug look on his face before he says something rude. “And last year the beast Angelus was allowed to be set free. Are you forgetting about all of the destruction he caused or are you simply shrugging it off as a minor indiscretion?” His words feel like a slap to the face and all of the air leaves my body. The room goes dead quiet and there’s enough tension it could be cut with a broadsword.
“You need to leave this room,” Giles says and takes a step towards Wesley. He isn’t messing around and if Wesley isn’t careful Giles is going to kick his ass and I think everyone in the room will help him. “Right now.” They stare each other down for what feels like hours but Wesley finally turns around and walks out the library doors.
I can’t move and I can’t breathe which is a problem because everyone is staring at me with concerned looks on their faces and they’re expecting me to say something. Well, everyone but Giles. He’s cleaning his glasses and he looks like he’s either trying not to lose his temper and punch a wall, or break down and cry. Probably both. I feel Faith put her hand on my shoulder and it feels like I’ve been burned. I jump up out of my chair and away from her. Willow knows there’s something majorly wrong with that and jumps in.
“Buffy, don’t listen to him,” she says and she sounds just as concerned and upset as she looks. I hate this, I hate this so much. I wish I could just move on. I wish I could get the image of driving that sword through him and the betrayed look he got on his face before he was sucked into hell out of my mind but I can’t. And I probably never will. “He doesn’t know what he’s talking about. He wasn’t here. He doesn’t know anything about what happened with Angel.”
“Right,” I say and my voice cracked. I hate it when that happens. “For not knowing what he’s talking about, he sure got a lot of things right. If I hadn’t been so stupid, if I hadn’t given myself to the wrong person none of that would have happened.” I glance over at Faith and she looks really shocked. Probably because I practically announced to everyone that I wish she had been my first. I can’t take this, it’s all too much.
“B, wait up,” she says and I hear her follow after me as I storm off to Giles’ office. I know I’m being immature and melodramatic but I don’t care. I just had the loss of my virginity and the fact that it turned my boyfriend into a psycho-killer thrown back in my face by some uptight douche in a tweed suite. I think I’ve earned the right to be a little melodramatic.
“What Faith?” I ask as soon as we’re alone in the office. Today started out so perfect, how did everything get so wrong? “What am I supposed to say? Everything that Wesley said is right. I didn’t take dating a cursed vampire serious enough and people got hurt. People get hurt, Faith, all the time and I don’t know how to stop it.” She wraps her arms around me and I don’t hesitate before I wrap mine around her and hide my face in her neck and breathe her in. I know it sounds stupid, but it’s calming me down a little.
“Hey, shh,” she says and gently rubs my back. I’m a little surprised she’s being so sweet and not asking about that huge bomb I dropped in there. “Relax, B. Wesley isn’t right. He’s just being a dick because he’s useless to us and he knows it. You can’t let him get to you.” I let out a little sob but it’s not for the reasons she thinks. It’s because we’re breaking our own rules and I know someone is going to get hurt.
“Come on, B, don’t cry, ok?” she says and leaves a very tender kiss on the side of my head. “Look, I can’t imagine what that must’ve been like for you so I’m not gonna pretend to know. But I know what it’s like to find out the guy you’re in love with is a monster.” I let out another sob and hot tears leak down my face. The last thing I wanted was for her to go through that again. I’m a horrible almost-girlfriend.
“It makes you feel like the whole time he was just pretending and he never loved you in the first place. It makes you feel stupid for believing his words and you think if you were stronger you could just walk away and go back to being you, you know?” She goes quiet but I can’t say anything. I’m trying hard not to start bawling and I know if I try to speak I’ll lose that battle. “Wesley’s wrong, B. You didn’t break any rules ‘cause you loved Angel and love doesn’t have any rules.”
She gets it. She gets it more than anybody ever could. She knows me and understands me better than anyone in the past ever has, including Angel, and I loved him with all my heart and soul. I pull back from her neck and before she has a chance to say anything else, I kiss her. I kiss her softly, tenderly because this isn’t about passion or wanting to show her how much I burn for her. This is a thank you for getting it, for understanding it, and for not making me feel guilty about it. Then I hear someone clear their throat and I almost panic.
“Giles wants to see you guys,” Willow says and she has the deepest blush in the world on her face. I think this is some kind of record. “He said he wants to go over a battle plan for patrol tonight. He’s still cranky about what Wesley said, so just humor him, ok?” She walks off without saying another word and you have no idea how glad I am that it wasn’t Xander or Giles who walked in on us.
“That was close,” she says and I can’t help but chuckle. You have no idea how close we came to being found out and it would be horrible. The timing is all wrong and I don’t want anyone else knowing until we’re together for real. “We’re gonna have to be careful. Wouldn’t want to give G a heart attack.” I chuckle again and she leaves one last kiss on my lips. “Let’s get back out there. I think Red might have popped a vessel she was blushin so hard.” When we walk out of Giles’ office, for the first time since I’ve been called the weight of the world doesn’t feel like it’s completely on my shoulders.
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Know Who I Am