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Know Who I Am	By : Paigie Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > FemmeSlash - Female/Female > Buffy/Faith Views: 4757 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
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Chapter List
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When I open my eyes I have no idea where I am. This isn’t my room and this is not my bed. I know because my bed never has someone else lying in it when I wake up. As soon as I see Faith sleeping next to me, her hair wild and sticking out all over the place, and scratch marks running down her back, the night before floods through my mind. I feel like I haven’t slept in days, my body is stiff and sore and there’s a light throbbing between my legs. All of that is from Faith and the incredible, mind blowing, life changing love we made last night.
I never knew it could be like that. I’ve only been with one other person and now that I’ve shared that experience with Faith, I really don’t think I was ready with Angel. It’s nothing against him, I just don’t think my intentions were right. I slept with him because everything around me was going to hell. I was having horrible nightmares of Drusilla killing him, and it freaked me out. Then she put the Judge back together again and that time I really did feel like we were going to lose. I thought if I slept with Angel, if I let him be in control of me completely then for a while I could just forget about my problems and breathe and afterwards everything wouldn’t be as scary.
Yeah, that ended horribly and I could not have been more wrong. But last night with Faith…it was different. She wasn’t a distraction or a way to make me feel better. It was all about showing her how much I love her for those fleeting couple of hours because today we have to go back to pretending we’re just friends. I don’t know how that’s going to work out. I love her, we spent most of the night showing each other just how much we mean to one another. I don’t think I can be around her and not be at least a little clingy. I know that’s not very attractive but it’s the truth.
Looking at her right now lying on her stomach with that adorable look on her face, like she’s up to no good even in her dreams, makes me want to take her in my arms and never let her go. I know that’s insane and unrealistic because eventually we’d have to get up for food and water and to use the bathroom and shower. As much as I want to stay right here and just watch her sleep, I can’t. I have to get up soon to get ready for school and if my mom catches us like this horrible God awful things will happen.
But I can’t just sneak out of here like some hussy. I don’t want Faith to think that I’m ashamed of what we did or that I regret it. The first time we…well, made love isn’t the right term because that was all repressed sexual tension and rampaging hormones. So I’ll call it getting buck wild. Buck wild? I think Faith is starting to rub off on me and not in just a sexy way. So anyway, the first time we got buck wild I was regret-o girl right after. I started crying and called myself a whore but I’m so far from feeling like that right now those feelings don’t even exist.
I need to wake her up and tell her that I’m leaving. It’s the right thing to do. It’s the only thing that makes sense, really. What kind of almost-girlfriend would I be if I just snuck out and let her believe I think what we did was dirty and wrong? Not a very good one, that’s for sure. Just because we can’t be together yet because of these stupid circumstances that we can’t change doesn’t mean I can’t show her how good she’s going to have it once we’re together. Wow, that sounded really dirty even in my head. Ok, shut up and wake her up now. You’re wasting time.
“Faith,” I whisper and softly move the stray hair out of her face. Last night I had a chance to be on top and her hair got pretty matted from the pillow. I don’t even want to imagine what mine must look like. Maybe I should just go. I don’t want her to wake up and attack me because she thinks some freaky looking demon is in her bed. No, dammit, stop being a self-conscious freak and wake her up. “Faith, wake up. I need to talk to you.” I gently rub her bare back and some of her muscles are starting to twitch.
“Faith, sweetheart, please wake up,” I say and cringe on the inside. I didn’t mean to say sweetheart. I hope she didn’t hear that because I don’t know if she’ll freak out or not. But she did tell me that she loves me and cute pet names come with the whole love territory. I keep rubbing her back and then I feel as well as see her whole body stretch. I hear the bones and joints pop and for some reason it makes me smile. She yawns really wide and stretches her arms above her head. She’s adorable when she wakes up. I’m so glad I decided to do this.
“Is Sammy awake?” she asks and her voice sounds so deep and raw, not only from sleep but from all of the noise she made last night. I’ll never forget the sound of her moaning my name all husky and breathy right against my ear. I don’t think that’s something anyone would be able to forget. She hasn’t opened her eyes yet and I’m a little disappointed about it. I love looking into her eyes, it’s always so intense and I get chills all over.
“No, she’s still sleeping,” I say and right when the words come out of my mouth her whole body tenses up and her eyes fly open. She looks surprised and it wouldn’t take a genius to figure out why. She thought I was Tanner. I’m not upset or confused as to why. She’s been waking up next to him for years, so it’s not her fault she thought he was the one being so sweet to her, even though he’s the devil incarnate.
“B,” she says and she sounds as surprised as she looks. Her voice sends little chills down my spine and a tiny part of me hates that she has that kind of power over me. The shock wears off in a couple of seconds. Her face goes back to looking sleepy and adorable and she has the sexiest little smirk I’ve ever seen plastered on her face. If she knew what kind of power and control she had over me with just that one look I’d be screwed. Well, more than I already was last night.
“I’m sorry for waking you up so early. I just didn’t want to leave without saying anything. That didn’t feel right and I didn’t want you to think I was being avoid-o girl or something,” I tell her and she stretches again. I’m still gently rubbing her back and I love the feel of her muscles tensing and relaxing. It reminds me of the way they felt last night when she was completely taking me over. Her smirk turns into a smile and she reaches out and wraps her arm around me.
“It’s ok, B. I like waking up to the sight of you,” she says and lays her head on my shoulder. I never thought Faith would be the cuddling type but what I’ve learned the most about her is that everything I thought I knew about her is completely wrong. “That’s some pretty wicked bed head you got goin. Didn’t think anyone would be able to rock that but you pull it off.” I can feel my neck and face heat up in a deep blush. Why did she have to bring that up? The morning was going so perfect until just now.
“Aw, B, I’m just joking around. I think it looks wicked cute.” That makes my lip stick out in a huge pout. “I’ve always wanted to do this.” Before I can react and ask what she’s talking about, she leans up and takes my bottom, pouting lip between her teeth and sucks on it nice and slow. My whole body is heating up even though her morning breath is strong enough to light a fire. She lets go of my lip and I instantly kiss her. This is so addicting. I might have to start going to a methadone clinic or something.
I feel her hand start to move. It’s softly caressing my stomach and I have to fight not to giggle because I don’t want to look stupid. My muscles are jumping and twitching under her fingers and she must know what’s going on because she’s smiling against my lips. My heartbeat speeds up and the tingling in my body intensifies when her hand starts to travel down. I wrap my arms around her back and kiss her like it’s the last time I’m ever going to get to. I spread my legs a little wider for her and as soon as I do her middle and ring fingers slip into my folds. I pull back from the kiss and wince loudly at the feeling.
“You have to be gentle, ok?” I tell her and she rests her forehead against mine. My heart starts pounding harder and my blood rushes downwards as her fingers softly explore everything they claimed for themselves last night. I wouldn’t be surprised if there was some blood on the sheets. Things got a little out of control at one point. “Everything is really sore.” Even though she’s being gentle and tender and everything I need, it still hurts.
“Don’t worry, B,” she says and leaves a little kiss on the tip of my nose. It’s kind of amazing how sweet she can be. “I’ll kiss it all better.” My eyes open wide and she’s looking at me with this intense gaze and she has a little smirk on her face. That’s the one thing I wouldn’t let her do to me because no one has ever done that to me before and I was too nervous and self-conscious to let her go there. Well, that and I didn’t want to lose the feel of her body pressed to mine.
“Don’t be scared, B,” she says and the smirk disappears. She’s nothing but serious and loving now and I’m glad because if she tried to make a joke out of this or something I’d be so pissed off at her. “Just let me take care of you, ok?” I gently run my fingertips along the scratch marks that are slowly starting to fade and she’s looking so deeply into my eyes that it feels like she just touched my soul. I know that sounds incredibly corny but it’s the truth.
“Ok,” I tell her and nod my head a little. It’s kind of hard to do with her forehead still pressed against mine. She kisses me on the mouth and this time it feels so intense and deep I can’t fight the moan that vibrates at the back of my throat. She pulls back and looks into my eyes. She looks even more intense than she did before she kissed me. This must mean a lot to her. I don’t know why. I’ll have to talk to her later and find out. If doing this is something special to her than maybe I won’t be so weird about it.
She pulls the covers off me so that I’m completely exposed to her. The sun has just started to come up so there isn’t a whole lot of light but slayers have really good night vision so she doesn’t need a lot of light to see me. Her fingers are still softly rubbing over my clit and lips but I kind of wish she would stop doing that because they’re so sore. Everything in that general area is pretty sore. If I didn’t love her I would be irritated with her because there’s no way I’m going to be able to walk normal today. Willow’s face is probably going to turn as red as her hair when she sees me hobbling.
Ok, I think I need to have my head checked. Faith, beautiful, hot, sexy, amazing, gorgeous, Faith who you’re in love with is kissing her way very quickly down your completely naked body and you’re thinking about Willow? I better be careful where my thoughts wander off to because if I accidentally say Willow’s name I might die of embarrassment before Faith has a chance to get mad at me.
I feel her spread my legs wider and I glance down at her. She’s looking at my…at me, so intensely that just the feel of her eyes sends shivers up my spine. I feel her spread my lips wider apart and I shiver from the cool morning air touching my…sensitive parts. Either she knows I’m getting cold or she just wants to see me squirm because I feel a hot stream of air blow over me and it makes me hiss in a deep breath and my legs spread a little wider.
“If it gets too much for you, B, just say the word and I stop, ok?” she asks and I look down at her and nod my head. I don’t think I could talk right now even if I tried. I watch as she lowers her face to my…to me and I feel her tongue give a small, almost timid, lick and my eyes instantly slam shut and my hips try to grind against her face. What she did was almost nothing but it sent a shock wave through my whole body.
She grabs onto my hips and practically holds me down and her tongue gets less tentative, and she’s also using her lips to gently pull at mine and softly suck on my clitoris. I grab her pillow and hold it over my face because I can’t control my vocal cords. Right now there’s no music to cover up the sounds of what we’re doing. I just had a perfect night and this morning is turning out to be perfect too, I don’t want that to be ruined.
The things she’s doing to me I didn’t even know it was physically possible for a person to do that. There’s no way she’s just a person. She has to be part something else, some type of hybrid, because there’s no way a normal person’s tongue can feel so big and full inside me and then feel so tiny and delicate as it flutters against the tip of my clit. I’m clinging onto the pillow as tight as I can and my voice is completely out of my control and I’m moaning and whimpering and yelling out her name.
Her grip on my hips is tight. I think I’m going to get bruises, but if she wasn’t holding on that tightly I’d probably break her neck. From the way she’s going at it I really don’t think she would mind dying right where she is, but if she dies while I’m this worked up I might explode and not in a good way at all. If she keeps doing what she’s doing with her tongue then I’m definitely going to explode. If she stops what she’s doing then I’m going to explode into a bunch of bloody Buffy pieces all over the wall and that would be bad.
“Oh Faith, oh fuck, I’m coming!” I scream into the pillow and I can feel my hips going berserk. I don’t feel her anymore but my body doesn’t care as it shudders and spasms and goes crazy. When it finally ends I’m lying on the bed in a liquefied puddle of Buffy, and I can’t wipe the big dopey smile off my face. Everyone should start their day off like that. There’d be no more hate and no more wars in the world if everyone felt that in the morning.
“Are you back to the land of the living or is your head still in the clouds?” I hear Faith ask and her voice sounds muffled because the pillow is still over my face and head. I can’t help the giggle that bubbles up out of my body and she quickly pulls the sound-barrier away from me. Her mouth is surrounded by what looks like a red rash and it’s completely giving a new meaning to the term ‘carpet burn’. That thought makes me giggle again and she smiles a big happy smile. She’s licking her lips and has a look on her face like it’s the best taste ever.
“Isn’t that icky?” I ask and make a face. I never tasted her last night. I was curious but I was afraid of what would happen if I didn’t like it. She gives me a look like she thinks I’m going crazy and gathers some of the drying wetness on her face onto the tips of her fingers and quickly sucks it off. I guess that answers that question.
“No, B, it tastes amazing. I think I’m going to get an addiction to this stuff,” she says and keeps cleaning off her face. I guess I’m not the only one who’s going to need to go to the methadone clinic. We can’t be together yet so there won’t be any more relief for our current addictions. Maybe there’s some type of support groups we can join. And this way we can carpool and save some money on gas. Anyway, getting back to what we’re talking about.
“Really? Because I can’t really imagine it tasting anything but weird,” I tell her and she lays down next to me. She wraps an arm around my stomach and snuggles up really close. Today is going to be the worse day ever. Worse than when I found out Santa isn’t real, worse than when I became a slayer, worse than when my mom and dad’s marriage fell apart, and worse than when I rammed that sword through Angel’s heart and sent him to hell. Being in her arms is all I’m going to be able to think about and I know I can’t do it.
“It’s not weird,” she says and she’s drawing little invisible patterns on my skin. I kind of hate that she’s being so sweet to me. It’s going to make being away from her that much harder. “It tastes kind of like hazelnut coffee creamer. Kinda creaming, kinda nutty, all kinds of awesome. You can’t go wrong with that, B.” If that’s what I taste like, I wonder what she tastes like. Now that I can hear my mom’s alarm going off, letting me know I have exactly four minutes to make it back to my room, or maybe the bathroom, before we’re both skinned alive, I guess I’ll never know.
“Buffy, honey, it’s time to get ready for school,” I hear my mom say and she knocks on my bedroom door. I don’t know how I’m going to slip passed her in last night’s clothes without her getting suspicious. Maybe I can put on some of Faith’s pajamas and say I fell asleep in here because Faith needed some comfort. Yeah, she needed comfort alright and I gave it to her all night long. Ok, I need to get my mind right. I’m starting to sound like Xander.
“So, I guess this is it for a while, huh?” Faith says and she keeps drawing little patterns on my stomach. No, wait…they’re not patterns. She’s drawing little B’s and then drawing a little heart around it. That is so adorable. God, why does she have to be so sweet to me? Doesn’t she know that it’s just making everything so much harder? I don’t want to leave this room, or this bed, or her arms but I have to and I hate it.
“Yeah, but we can still patrol together and we live together so it’s not like we’ll never be in the same room,” I say and try to sound happy about it but on the inside I’m dying a little. Yeah, we’ll be in the same room and we’ll have to stay at least five feet away from each other or I won’t be able to stop myself from kissing her. “And like you said, it’s only for a while. When you and Sam adjust to things being different we’ll be together. Plus us being together would be a distraction and we need to focus if we’re going to find those vamps.”
“Yeah, right,” she says and she sounds distracted. Probably because her hand found my breast and she’s lightly toying with my hard nipple. It’s not just hard because the room is kind of chilly, it’s because she makes my whole body feel like electricity is running through it and my nerve endings come alive. “Well, you better get goin before your mom comes looking for you. I’ll see you at the library after school, ok?” I nod my head yes even though she can’t see it. Why do I feel like if I leave this room the whole world is going to end?
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Know Who I Am