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Need	By : addielogan Category: > Buffy/Spike(William) > Buffy/Spike(William) Views: 19394 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Buffy heard the shower running in the
bathroom when she came into William's room. She almost went in there to join
him, knowing that no matter how angry William was, he'd forget it the moment
she was wet, naked, and on her knees in front of him.
But that wasn't why she was there. She had
hurt William and she needed to try to make that better, not just gloss it over
with sex. That could come after she'd given him her explanation�
She sat on the bed, nervously wringing her
hands as she listened to the sound of the water. Her heart began to beat faster
when she heard the water shut off and knew that William would be out soon. She
took a deep breath, steeling herself for what she had to say to him. She had to
do this, had to be strong enough to open up and let William in.
Then he stepped out of the bathroom and all
coherent thoughts promptly left her mind. He was still damp from the shower and
wearing nothing but a towel slung low around his hips. She stared, gaping. Even
after seeing him naked as many times as she had, she couldn't seem to get used
to just how gorgeous he was.
"What are you doing here?" William
asked sharply, stopping short when he saw Buffy on his bed. "Come to stare
at me all night?"
Buffy blinked, coming back to herself.
"What? Oh, sorry. You're just all with the wet and naked, and I�"
William's eyebrow arched
in annoyance. "Did you have
something important to say?"
"Uh, yeah, but� I can't say it with you
like that."
William sighed heavily, going over to his
dresser and getting out a pair of sweatpants. Buffy swallowed at the quick view
she got of his perfect ass as he dropped the towel before putting on the pants.
He turned around then, walking back over to the bed and sitting down a little
bit away from Buffy. "So if you've got some reason to be here other than
to drool, then go ahead and spit out what you have to say."
Buffy gave him a dirty look at that.
"I'm trying to apologize. You
don't have to be all rude."
"Can't say I'm in the
best of moods right now. I don't
think I have to tell you why."
"I know." Buffy took a deep breath
and let it out slowly. "I'm sorry, William. I was wrong for what I said
earlier tonight�and for how I acted about everything that happened with Cecily.
I�I was scared."
"Scared?" William asked, frowning.
"What were you scared of?"
"You." William's eyes widened at Buffy's response, but she
stopped him before he could speak. "But not really you.
I just� I was afraid of what could happen with you. My past relationships
haven't been with real winners, and it wasn't that I didn't trust you�I just didn't
trust any guy."
"But I wouldn't hurt you, Buffy,"
William replied. "I haven't even done anything to make it seem like I
would."
"I know." Buffy sighed.
"Look, let me tell you about my first relationship, okay? Maybe then it'll
make more sense."
William nodded. "Yeah.
Go ahead."
"Okay. Here goes." Buffy took
another deep breath, preparing herself. She had never told a lot of this to
anyone before, but she hoped that hearing it could make William see why the
prospect of loving a man scared her so damn much. "My freshman year of
high school, I started dating this guy�Angel," she began. "For the
first couple of months, it was wonderful�like a high school fairy tale. We were
the 'it' couple, and I was already fantasizing about our wedding, the house
with the white picket fence, the two and a half children�all that
"But then he came up to me one day and
told me he was tired of me being such a tease. He said he didn't date girls who
didn't put out and that if I didn't start acting the way a girlfriend should, then he would find someone who did. I�I was only fourteen
and I didn't feel ready. But I was so in love with him. I would've done
anything for him, anything to keep him."
Buffy turned away, unable to look at William
as she told him what happened next. "We had sex in the backseat of his car
after a football game three days later. I could tell Angel wasn't very pleased
with me, but I had no idea what I was supposed to do. I was nervous and it
hurt. And then he was so frustrated with me that I started crying, and that
only made it all worse. He didn't say a word to me when he drove me home and
then he didn't even walk me to my door."
Buffy felt the strong memory of all the
humiliation she felt that night rush her. Her stomach turned as she remembered
getting out of the car and watching Angel drive away without even looking at
her, remembered crying herself to sleep and hating herself for being such a
horrible girlfriend. It was then that William reached out, wrapping his arms around
her and pulling her close. "It's all right, pet," he said soothingly,
kissing the top of her head. "I understand what you're saying to me. You
don't have to torture yourself by telling me the rest."
"I can do it," Buffy replied. And
in the warm, protective circle of William's embrace, she really felt like she
could. "I need to tell you this, let you know where I've been and why I am
what I am. Besides�it gets worse."
William tightened his arms around Buffy. Now
that he knew what Angel really was, his jealousy was gone, though he also found
himself hating the other man even more. How could anyone treat someone that
way? And to think it had happened to Buffy� "Go on then, pet. Get it off
your chest, yeah?"
"Okay." Buffy swallowed. "I
thought it was over after that, but then Angel showed up at school that Monday acting
as if everything was just fine. He said that since it was my first time he
understood and that I could make it up to him. I did try to, but I still didn't
know what to do. I'd get so nervous that I'd pretty much just lie there, and
that would only make him angrier. I found out later that he and his friends
used to call me 'the starfish' behind my back because he said I was like a
starfish, all flat with my limbs spread."
If Angel had been in the room right then,
William was pretty sure he'd try to kill him. Instead, he rubbed gentle circles
against Buffy's back, letting her know he was there, supporting her.
"Looking back, I don't really blame
myself the way I did then," Buffy said. "I remember one time, we were
having sex and he slipped out of me. I thought he'd stop and fix it, but he
didn't. He just kept moving on top of me, sliding between my legs. I didn't
know what I should do, or if maybe it was something he was doing on purpose
that I didn't understand. I thought maybe he'd be mad at me if I said anything,
but then it just kept going on like that."
"Wait," William said, pulling back
to look at her. "Are you telling me that this tosser didn't know the
difference between bein' inside that exquisite little pussy of yours and
humping your leg?"
"Apparently not," Buffy replied,
shaking her head.
"Please tell me you don't still think
the bad sex was your fault, 'cause I know I'm not exactly an expert on the
subject, but I know when I'm having sex and when I'm not."
Buffy giggled. "No, I don't blame
myself now. Kinda the point of that little anecdote. I
can look back on it and realize I was sleeping with a selfish, idiotic jackass.
But at fourteen, I hated myself for it. I thought there was something seriously
wrong with me because I couldn't get into sex. My friends would talk about what
they'd do with their boyfriends and about how good it felt, and I thought I was
defective or something. I'd keep telling myself I'd make myself get more into
it the next time, but apparently such passionate foreplay as telling me 'hurry
up and get your clothes off' before climbing on top of me and sweating just
doesn't get me hot."
William's opinion of Angel managed to
plummet even lower. How daft was he to have a woman as gorgeous as Buffy in his
bed and not take advantage of the situation? It boggled his mind.
"So things went on like that for a
while," Buffy continued, "Until there was this party. I'd been sick
earlier that day and wasn't going to go, but when I started to feel better, I
decided to anyway. I showed up only to find Angel with his tongue shoved down
the throat of Cordelia Chase, the daughter of one of my father's business
partners. I'd known her since we were kids, but apparently that didn't stop her
from screwing around with my boyfriend.
"I stood there in front of them, crying
and begging Angel to tell me why he'd done this to me when he'd said he loved
me. His response? He gave me this cold laugh and said,
'You have a lot to learn about men, kiddo,' and then
went right back to making out with Cordelia.
"I was heartbroken. I cut myself off
from everyone, barely eating or sleeping. My grades dropped, I was suspended
from the cheerleading squad for missing practices�I was a mess. And then I
heard that Angel and Cordelia had broken up. A couple days afterwards, there
was this karaoke night thing at the school, and I went because I heard Angel
was going to be there. He was, and about halfway through the night, he got up on
stage and sang to me. It was 'Mandy' by Barry Manilow,
only he changed 'Mandy' to 'Buffy.' We got back together that night."
William quirked an
eyebrow. "He wooed you back
with Manilow?"
"I was like fifteen! I didn't know any
better!"
"Still, Manilow�
Are you sure he was straight?" William asked.
"Yes," Buffy replied, slapping
William's chest. "Now shut up and let me finish my story."
William kissed her forehead. "All right. Tell me more about how your heart went
pitter-patter to the sounds of bad 70's love songs."
Jerk," Buffy said, though there was a
small smile tugging at her lips. "Okay, so there was the Manilow and the wooing
and we got back together. Things were more like they were in the beginning, and
I was happy. I was still having a hard time really getting into sex, but I'd
done some researchy-type stuff while we were broken
up and learned how to fake it. He seemed less frustrated with me when I did
that, so I thought he was enjoying it more.
"But then came the next school year,
and it turns out I wasn't the only one faking stuff� He told me that since he
was now a senior and he had college to think about, he didn't need to waste his
time with some lovesick little girl who didn't know the first thing about really
pleasing a man. He told me this right in the middle of the cafeteria in front
of pretty much everyone."
Buffy paused for a moment, resting her head
against William's chest. He'd been so supportive of her through this whole
conversation, making her feel better about her past than she had before.
"I thought I couldn't live without him," she said. "And I
thought�I thought it was all my fault, that I had to
change who I was so he would want me. So I tried to prove I wasn't just a
little girl like he said I was. I started going to wild parties, drinking and
sleeping around. Especially the sleeping around� I was so certain I'd get him
back someday, and I wanted to have learned how to please him.
"But I never got him back. He went to
college, and the last I heard, he was engaged to Cordelia. And
me� Well, I was pretty much on my path then. I was known as a party
girl, and that's a hard rep to shake. All the guys knew I was easy, and that's
why they were interested in me. That's who I was, Buffy the slut, only good for
one thing. Get her drunk and see how quickly her legs open."
William ran his hand down Buffy's hair.
"You know I want more from you than that, don't you? You're not just sex
to me, Buffy. And if you'd rather we didn't, you can tell me. I don't want you
to feel pressured."
"I don't. I do like sex�at least now,
and with a man who isn't a total selfish prick." She paused, looking up
into William's eyes. "Besides, you love me."
William gaped in surprise for a moment
before he began to smile. "So you believe me now?"
"Yes. I'm sorry about not believing you
at first. I was being�skittish."
"After what you just told me, I can see
why," William replied. "But don't worry now, pet. I won't do to you
what he did."
"I know. I really do trust you,
William. This is just�it isn't at all what I expected. I'd made up my mind to never
fall in love ever again because that had only led to badness in the past, but
then you came along and turned all that upside down, and it scared me."
William reached up, cupping her cheek.
"You're afraid of loving me?"
Buffy shook her head. "No. I'm afraid
of losing you."
"That isn't going to happen,
kitten." He gave her a wry smile. "I've become a bit of a Buffy
addict, and I don't think they've got a patch for that."
Buffy laughed, the sound warming William's
heart. "I think I've grown pretty addicted to you, too."
"Then I guess we're stuck with each
other, yeah?"
"Looks like. William?"
"Yes, pet?"
"I love you."
An almost-goofy smile spread across
William's face. "Really? You mean that?"
Buffy looked at him sharply. "I just
said I did, William. Are you doubting me?"
William blinked. "No! Buffy, I didn't
mean�" He stopped when Buffy started to laugh. "Oi!
Not nice to scare me like that!"
"Sorry. I couldn't resist."
"Evil lil' chit," William
muttered.
"So what if I am? Whatcha gonna do
about it, mister?"
"This," William replied, tossing
her back on the bed and tickling her sides.
Buffy squealed, wriggling under him. She
moved her hands up, trying to tickle him back, only to have William pin her
wrists above her head with one hand so he could continue his attack unhindered.
"No fair!" Buffy complained even as she laughed and squirmed beneath
William.
"Seems fair enough to me," William
replied with a smirk. "And I do love the way you're moving." He
wagged his tongue between his teeth.
"Perv!" Buffy replied, though her movements continued.
"You made me one," William
replied. "I was a right proper boy before you went and seduced me."
He stopped his tickling, looking down at her with darkened eyes.
"You were a seduction waiting to
happen, Will. I was just lucky enough to get to you first."
William shook his head. "Wouldn't
have been anyone else. I think I've been waiting for you my whole life,
Buffy."
The conviction in his voice was reflected in
his eyes, and Buffy felt herself suddenly tear up. She didn't think she'd known
what it was like to really feel until
she was on the receiving end of those looks William gave her. "Make love
to me," she said softly. "We've had sex so many times, but I don't
think we�ve ever done that before�"
"I made love to you every time,
Buffy," William replied. "Every damn time."
He leaned in, kissing her slowly but passionately. He scooted her up towards
the pillows, still not breaking the kiss, keeping his body flush against hers.
They were both panting when they broke apart
for air, their eyes locked now that their lips were apart. William began to
inch down her body, slowly removing her clothes as he kissed patches of skin he
was revealing to his hungry eyes. Buffy moaned, reveling in his sensual touch. Angel
may have had more experience, but William was by far the better lover. His nature was innately sexual, his ability
to make her melt based on intuition. Angel had been a fumbling idiot in
comparison.
Once he had her naked, William climbed back
up her body, looking down at her. "You seem pretty responsive to me,"
he said with a self-satisfied smirk. "Just gotta know what buttons to
push. Like this little one here�" His fingers found her clit unerringly,
rubbing it with just the perfect amount of pressure. Buffy moaned, arching up
into his touch. "That feel good, kitten?"
"Yes�oh, William�so good�"
"Gonna make you feel even better,"
William promised, his eyes almost black with desire. "I'm gonna slide so
deep inside you, Buffy, fill you up. Make you feel it all, baby."
Buffy thrust her hips at his words,
desperate for what he was promising her. William kissed her one more time before
slipping off his sweatpants so there was nothing between them. "Ready for
me, luv?" he asked, nipping at her ear.
"Always ready," Buffy replied,
parting her legs to allow him to slip between them.
William propped himself up on one arm,
grasping his cock with his other hand and guiding it to her entrance. He slid
the tip in and stopped, their eyes locking. "I love you, Buffy," he
said, his voice heavy with emotion. "Always."
"I love you, too, William. Always."
He pushed the rest of the way in then,
filling her. Buffy wrapped her legs around his waist, her arms around his back,
holding her lover close as he moved in and out of her with a slow, steady pace.
They took their time in a way they hadn't before, allowing themselves to
acknowledge the emotional connection as well as the physical. Buffy could feel
William touching every part of her, as if he was erasing the pain of her past heartaches
and replacing it with the warmth his love brought her.
He was making her whole again.
"You're everything to me, Buffy,"
William said, his lips against her ear. "You're my sun, my light�my goddess."
Buffy gasped, her arms tightening around
him. She could feel William's pace beginning to quicken, desire taking over. She
reached up and cupped his face, turning his head so he was looking into her
eyes. "I love you," she mouthed, William smiling softly before
mouthing it back.
Their gaze didn't unlock as they continued
to make love, even as they came together, cries of mutual pleasure filling the
room. It was a moment of perfection for both of them,
their emotions laid out, raw and bare, only to have their hearts safe in the
hands of another.
William rolled off of her, gathering Buffy
into his arms as he pulled the blankets over them. "I love you," he murmured
as he pressed a kiss against her hair.
"I love you, too," Buffy replied,
a small smile of contentment on her lips.
"Can you stay tonight?" William
asked, unable to stand the thought of sleeping alone after what they had just
shared.
"I can stay forever," Buffy
replied.
William chuckled, holding her tightly.
"I can handle forever."

***
*** ***
That chapter was a bit longer than my
chapters usually are, but I didn't think anyone would mind� Please remember to
leave a review!
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