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Need	By : addielogan Category: > Buffy/Spike(William) > Buffy/Spike(William) Views: 19394 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Buffy and William lay together in silence
for a long while, neither of them quite ready to give voice to the thoughts
running through their minds. Silence was enough for the moment.
William had not missed that Buffy hadn't
returned his declaration of love. He hadn't really expected her to, and while part of him was simply relieved that she
hadn't reacted negatively to it, he was also disappointed to find that she
really didn't love him back. Part of him had hoped for it even as he'd told
himself it wouldn't happen.
He was back with her now, but William
wondered how long it would last. She didn't love him, and eventually she'd want
to be with someone whom she did love. She'd break his heart all over again, and
this time it would be for good. He tightened his arms around her, pulling her
closer to him.
Buffy felt William's
embrace strengthen. She couldn't
stop thinking about those three words he'd let slip earlier and whether or not
he'd actually meant them. It certainly wasn't the first time a man had claimed
to love her during sex, though it was the first time the words came as
something other than a shout of orgasmic bliss. Did that give more credence to
his words?
What if William only thought he loved her?
She knew this was his first relationship and that the feelings of desire were
strong on both sides�that much was obvious. Was he confusing lust for love? And
what happened when the passion cooled, as Buffy knew it had a habit of doing?
Would the love he claimed to feel for her dry up with it?
She couldn't shake that thought, no matter
how hard she tried. It was a very real possibility, and one that Buffy found
herself leaning towards. He thought he loved her now, but soon enough he'd
realize it had been just lust.
Buffy couldn't stand that thought. It cut her
deeply, and she reached up to put her hand against his cheek, stroking it
gently for a moment before tugging him down for a hard kiss.
William kissed her back hungrily, feeling his
erection returning already. It took but a touch from Buffy and his desire was
nearly uncontrollable. She pressed herself against him, rubbing her wet pussy
against his thigh, and William knew he had to have her again. He'd gone too
long without her and his body felt starved. The quick tumble he'd had with her
by the door had merely whet his appetite. He pulled Buffy up, rolling her over
so she was straddling his waist.
Buffy immediately slid down, taking him
inside. Her whole body trembled as he filled her and she leaned forward
slightly, bracing herself against his chest. William's hands slid along her
thighs and hips, sending shockwaves in their wake.
"Need you to move, kitten,"
William said, pushing his hips up to urge her on.
Buffy groaned at the desperation in his
voice as she started her rhythm, slowly rocking her hips against him. Every
nerve in her body was on alert and even this was almost too much for her. The
intensity of their coupling was shaking her to her very core, hitting her hard
after so many days without him.
William's entire body strained for more. He
felt as if he was drowning in her even as he reached to her for something to hold
on to. He pushed his hips up harder with every thrust, needing more than the
gentle rocking sensation she was creating. He needed all the passion, all the
heat. He needed everything.
Soon, he was slamming into her, making Buffy
buck upwards with every hard thrust. She cried out over and over, her body
shaking uncontrollably. She clung to William's shoulders, not trusting herself
to stay upright without support. She could feel her approaching orgasm
gathering strength inside of her, tightening her body until she exploded with a
scream.
Buffy slumped forward against William's
chest, her only movements those of the involuntary aftershocks making her
spasm. William flipped them over, hooking her legs over his arms so he could
drive into her. Buffy grunted with every thrust, her mind having practically
shut down from it all. Finally, William called out, pinning her hips to the
mattress with his as he came hard inside of her.
William rolled off of Buffy, lying on his
back and panting heavily as he stared up at the ceiling. He'd already had sex
with Buffy so many times that he'd lost count, but that� He could barely move
now, his body feeling almost completely drained. He was fighting to get his
breathing to return to normal, and his heart was pounding in his chest so
loudly that he wondered if Buffy could hear it.
Finally, he felt his strength return enough
that he could roll over, gathering Buffy in his arms. He pulled her close and
looked down at her, only to find her crying. "Buffy?" William asked
softly, worry creasing his face. "What's wrong, luv?"
"Not wrong," Buffy replied, her
voice weak. "Just so much� You were gone, and now you're here, and that
was� God, William, I don't know what
that was exactly, but it felt�"
"Intense?"
"Yeah."
William pushed her hair back from her face
before brushing away her tears. She looked so beautiful there, even with her
hair mussed and her make-up long since gone. "I love you," he said
softly.
Buffy tensed in his arms. "William, I�"
She looked away. "Don't."
Her response broke his heart, especially
after what they'd just shared. "Buffy, please� I'm not asking for anything
return, luv, just please don't turn away from me like that."
She looked up slightly, though she wouldn't
meet his eyes. "You don't love me, William."
That wasn't at all the response William had
expected. "What?"
"You don't love me. You only think you
do."
William stiffened. He'd expected Buffy to
tell him she didn't love him, not the other way around. "You don't know
what I'm feeling, Buffy."
"Yes, I do."
William felt himself growing angry. How
could she presume to know his feelings better than he did? "Oh, well then,
by all means, enlighten me on what I'm
feeling. Do tell."
"It's just the way things have been
between us, William�so passionate and intense. And since you've never been in a
relationship before, you're�"
William didn't let her finish. He got out of
the bed, storming over to his clothes and snatching them from the floor. Buffy
sat up, pulling the sheet over her chest. "Where are you going?" she
asked.
"Home. I can't be around you right now."
"William, I'm sorry," Buffy said
as she watched him dress. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I just don't want
you to be confused about what you're feeling."
"I'm not!" William yelled, making
Buffy shrink back. "Bloody hell, I know what I feel for you, and it's
love. Although I wish it wasn't, considering what a right bitch you've been to
me this week. Be a sight easier if I could just bloody hate you."
"How can you say that?" Buffy
asked. "You say you love me and then turn around and say that? That should prove my point right
there!"
"It's doesn't prove a damn thing except
that you're driving me out of my sodding mind! There's nothing I've wanted in
this relationship except to be here for you�to love you�and you just throw it
back in my face. You don't trust me. You think the worst of me every chance you
get." William held out his hand, ticking things off on his fingers as he
listed them. "You've accused me of thinking you're a whore and not wanting
you because of my class standing. You've accused me of screwing around with a
woman I wouldn't touch for anything in the world, and instead of just asking me
about it personally in the first place, you jumped to conclusions after
catching two bloody seconds of the scene�and followed that up by yelling that
you never wanted to see me again. And now you have the audacity to sit there
and tell me I don't love you." He threw his hands up. "Bloody fucking
hell� Either I do love you or I'm
incredibly masochistic to put up with this shite."
Buffy gaped for a moment. "William, I�"
"No. Just don't. I'm tired of this,
Buffy. I thought after I found out what had you so upset that I could just
explain to you the truth and we could go back to the way things were, but
apparently I was wrong. I guess that's because of my completely lack of
relationship knowledge, too. How stupid of me."
William turned around before halting, facing her again. "You know, I may not have the experience of the men you've known in
the past, but no one will ever love you like I do. Ever."
He stormed out then, slamming the door hard enough to shake the room.
As soon as he was gone, Buffy's tears broke
into sobs. She had never expected William to respond like that. He'd been so
angry�
And the worst part was that he was right
about much of what he'd said. She never had given him the benefit of the doubt,
had never listened to his side. But then again, how could she have done things
any differently given her past experiences? Every other time she'd faced something
like this, the man had been doing exactly what she'd accused him of. How could
she have assumed things to be any different with William? She had to look out
for herself, after all.
But if everything William had said was true,
them her behavior had been grossly unfair to him. He was right to call her a
bitch. She'd been that and more. She realized now that she probably shouldn't
have responded the way she did when William had told her he loved her, but she
hadn't really been rejecting him like he thought. It was simply something she
couldn't just let herself believe. She'd accepted a man's love in the past and
he'd turned right around and cruelly taken it back, making it quite clear that
he'd never really loved her to begin with. What if that happened with William? What
if he realized not too long from then that he didn't really love her at all?
That's all she'd been trying to prevent. She just didn't want him to say he
loved her unless it was real�and it certainly couldn't be real for him now.
Or could it? Buffy knew without a doubt that
she loved him. Was it really so farfetched that he'd fallen just as quickly?
But he was a guy, and they were different
from women�at least in Buffy's experience. They could turn their feelings off
and on, care one minute and not the next. That's just what they did and it was
what she'd come to expect. Even her own father had easily stopped loving her.
But then there was Giles� He had nothing
really to gain from taking her in and showing her kindness the way that he had.
Furthermore, he'd asked for nothing in return. Didn't that alone fly in the face
of all her beliefs about men?
So maybe Giles wasn't like the other men she
knew. Maybe he could care about someone besides himself. If that were the case
with him, then it was possible that she'd been wrong in her beliefs that all
men her like her father and Angel. And if that
were true, then it could be real love that William was feeling for her.
He'd never treated her badly. The two times
she'd thought he'd done something to hurt her he claimed were
misunderstandings. Why shouldn't she believe him?
Because she was afraid. Her past with Angel had done so much damage, made
her terrified to trust. Angel had used her and thrown her away, only to then
come back and do it all over again. Buffy had been petrified that William would
do the same thing, suddenly going from one sort of man to another the way Angel
had.
But it hadn't really been sudden with Angel.
Buffy knew that now, even if she hadn't wanted to see it in the past. She had
adored Angel and that had led her to do things and accept things that she never
should have. She'd known deep down that he'd never been faithful to her, yet
she'd also let herself be willingly blind in order to
stay with the man she loved. The warning signs had all been there�she'd just
chosen to ignore them.
They hadn't been there with William. He'd
been kind and supportive, never once showing a single sign that he wanted to
hurt her. What had happened with Cecily was easily put off on her, as cruel and
vindictive as she tended to be towards Buffy.
And the way William looked at her� Angel had
never looked at Buffy that way�not once
in their whole relationship. William's eyes held so much emotion that it
frightened her sometimes. It was raw and intense, pure feeling. It was�
It was
love.
Buffy gasped at the realization, her heart
beating faster. She'd been so worried about not being loved that she'd missed
it when it was right there in front of her. She knew it now. She'd seen it
every time he looked at her, felt it every time he touched her.
William loved her.

***
*** ***
William found the house quiet when he
returned home, his mother having apparently already gone to bed. It was still
relatively early, but it was common enough that he didn't question it. She was
tired quite often.
He went straight to his room, his body tense
with anger. How could she look at him and tell him he didn't love her? What
right did she have to decide his feelings for him?
His frustration boiling over, William swiped
an arm across his desk, knocking everything to the ground with a roar. Tears
stung his eyes even as his body shook in fury, and he grabbed a glass from his
side table, throwing it against the wall so it smashed.
His breaths were coming in sharp, ragged
pants, and he knew he had to get a grip on himself. Hoping it would calm him down, he went into the bathroom and stripped off his clothes
before turning on the shower as hot as he could stand it.
William stood in the stall, angry tears
mingling with the water. He tried not to think of the time he'd spent in there
with Buffy, how much she'd made him feel. He didn't care what she said, he knew it was love. Nothing else could
feel like this. The lust and desire were certainly present, but that wasn't all
he felt. How could she belittle his feelings that way, make it all about his
body and not at all about his heart?
Finally, William had control of himself again,
and he turned off the water, stepping out of the shower. He grabbed a towel
from the rack, wrapping it around his hips as he walked back towards his
bedroom. He was drained and needed to sleep. He could deal with things in the
morning.
William opened the door, stopping short when
he looked into his room.
Buffy was sitting on the end of his bed.

***
*** ***
I'd apologize for ending it there, but I'm
really not sorry at all. I just love a cliffhanger�
It's come to my attention that some people
reading this fic spend a portion of their day obsessively checking for updates.
While I am quite flattered that people like my story that much, I also feel
sorry that those of you have to waste all that time. So, here's a reminder
about my updates mailing list I have had set up for several months now. As soon
as I post, I go over there and send an email letting everyone on the list know
that a new chapter is up and where it is. It's not really a chatty sort of
list, so it doesn't fill your inbox either. You can either go here: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/addielogan/
or, if you're having trouble getting in there, write me an email at addie_logan@yahoo.com and I can
manually add you.
Please remember to leave a review!
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