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Summer of Faith	By : norwalker Category: BtVS AU/AR > FemmeSlash - Female/Female > Buffy/Faith Views: 7168 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 23
- 24
Chapter 24
Buffy is in hell.
Or at least, she wishes she were. Or anywhere but here, now. Facing that dreaded word.
The only word she heard the doctors say to her
“… Coma …”
She looks down at Faith, lying quietly on the bed. Her mind refuses to accept the verdict. Coma
It can’t be real. It isn’t happening. This is a bad dream I’m having, I’ll wake up. She’ll be beside me. We’ll laugh, and make love, and run. We’ll eat, we’ll hang out, we’ll patrol. And all this won’t be real. It’ll be my nightmare, the nightmare I awoke from.
But it's real. All too real. Faith is lying in the bed, there, in front of her. She is silent, can’t speak, can’t joke, can’t kiss, doesn’t move… just lies there, sleeping. As if cursed. As if the Evil witch(sorry, willow)cursed her to 100 years of sleep. And there is nothing Buffy can do. She can’t go out and kill a demon, and bring her back. No matter how many vamps she slays, Faith will still be lying there. She can save the world… but she can’t save Faith. And it’s cutting her heart like a dull knife.
The others are gone for the moment. She sent them away. She needs time alone with Faith. She touches her hand, feels it’s warmth. She slips her hand in Faith’s. She gently squeezes it , but there’s no response. She strokes her fingertips over Faith’s arm, something she always loved Buffy to do. But nothing. She is still, she is quiet. She breaths, but nothing more.
How could this happen to her? She is so … alive, so vital. Her whole body, her whole being is energy and movement. Faith is not good at sitting still; she constantly has to be in motion. Even if it’s only her finger tapping, or her leg swinging. Something on her is always active, always so alive. But here, now , it's like who she is , what she is, is trapped somewhere else, hidden away, unable to be Faith.
Why baby, why did you do this? Why didn’t you let me face the Mayor? Why didn’t you stay safe for me? Stay with me? No, you had to be the hero, you had to try to protect me. And for what? So I can sit here, by your bedside, and grieve? What’s my life, my existence, without you baby? Nothing . Dark. Lonely. Why didn’t you trust me enough, believe in me enough to let me do what I had to do? To know I wouldn’t let myself be harmed? To come back to you? You know I wouldn’t leave you baby. Why? Why didn’t you let me protect you? Why? Why?
Buffy feels the tears spilling onto her cheeks, but she doesn’t care. She sits, holding Faith’s hand. Not wanting to break contact. She knows, somewhere, Faith can feel it, is reaching back. She doesn’t want to let her go, let her feel alone.
So she sits, hour after hour, holding Faith’s hand. Stroking it, occasionally stroking her hair, or brushing away a wisp of it out of her eyes. She doesn’t move, she doesn’t leave. She sits, and waits.
She wakes up. She is alone
There is a harsh light where she’s at, but it drops off quickly into darkness. It's cold here, and she is shivering, and alone. So alone. She gets up, and tries to find something, anything that will tell her where she is, but all she finds is darkness.
She comes to a door. It's free standing, there is no wall around it. She attempts to walk around it, but she can’t. She feels no wall, but she can’t go around the door. Weird.
She walks back to the door. It's locked, but she has the key in her hand. Weird. She opens the door, and she walks through
She knows where she is. It’s one of the many hovels laughingly called apartments she shared with her mother. Sometimes with her mother, and her mother’s boyfriends.
She is 7 years old.
She has a surprise for mommy!
She made it for her at school.
They had art class today. Faith loves art class. She loves to draw and paint. She loves making pretty things. Things she can give her mommy. It makes her feel good.
She loves her mommy. She wants her to feel better. Mommy’s been sick again. She gets sick so much. Faith is afraid when mommy gets too sick, ‘cause then mommy can be bad. Faith knows mommy doesn’t like being bad, but she gets bad. When she gets her medicine, then she is better. For awhile. Then she gets sick again. Faith feels bad when mommy is sick.
But Faith made a special picture for mommy today. To make her feel better. She drew in mommy, and Faith, and a pretty flower. And they were standing by the flower, and smiling. Faith loves it when mommy smiles. Mommy doesn’t smile much anymore.
Faith ran home today, so she could give mommy her present real soon. But mommy was sleeping again, so she went to get something out of the fridge to eat. There isn’t much here… just the funny juice that mommy says she shouldn’t drink, and some cheese with the green stuff on it, and some pickles, and some old ,old ham that looks funny. She gets the cheese, and the pickles. She cuts away the green stuff, and slices the pickle. She finds some old bread(checking, no green stuff) and makes a sandwich. She knows mommy will get some more food when the Check comes, but it hasn’t come yet this month.
Faith eats her sandwich, and waits quietly for mommy to wake up. She knows mommy is sick, and doesn’t want to make her mad by being noisy. She sees a bug crawling across the floor, and stomps it quietly. She knows mommy hates the bugs, so she tries to kill them so mommy doesn’t see them. She goes over to her mattress on the floor, and gets her doll. She like her doll, she tells it everything. She plays quietly ‘til she hears mommy waking up in the next room.
Mommy is really sick, Faith can tell. She is walking funny, and is shivering and looks bad. She smiles. She knows her picture will make mommy feel better.
“Mommy?”
“ Not now, Faith. Mommy’s really sick” The woman replies. And she is. She is hurting, bad. She hasn’t been able to score, and her body is beginning withdrawals.
“ I made something for you, mommy, look” Faith holds up the picture.
The woman is starting to sweat. “ Not now, Faith. I’m sick… go play with your doll and be quiet”
“ But look, mommy. I made you a special picture. It has you, and me, and….”
The woman , sick, desperate, and hurting, backhands the child. She can’t take the noise.
“Faith, BE QUIET. I'm SICK!!” The woman yells.
Faith drops the picture. Her face is smarting, and cut where the woman’s ring hit the child. She can’t help it. She starts to cry.
“I … I…. I’m sorry, mommy” Faith chokes out as she cries.
“Why won’t you be quiet, Faith?” The woman turns to her, and takes her in her arms. “ Do you see what you make me do? Just be quiet, please!!!!” She holds the child for awhile until she calms down. Then she gets up, and struggles into her coat.
“I’m going out, Faith. To get my medicine. Stay here, and be good. Stop being such a bad child. I’ll be back soon. God, why did I even have you? You cause me nothing but problems”. The woman goes to the door, and leaves, slamming it after herself.
Faith watches her mommy go, and is sad. And hurt. Mommy is feeling bad again, and is being bad. She can’t be angry with mommy… she loves mommy. She notices the picture she made, of the them and the flower. Her anger is hot, and she takes the picture, and tears it up, tears of frustration coming to her.
And suddenly, she feels a glow surrounding her. A soft, warm glow embracing her.
And before her stands an angel. She is very pretty, with blonde hair, and hazel green eyes. She is smiling at faith, and has her arms open to her. Faith runs into her arms, and feels them surround her, giving her love and peace.
And in the arms of her angel, she sleeps.
Buffy is home now. For awhile.
Her mom and friends forced her to go home.
She wouldn’t leave Faith’s side. For 3 days straight, she sat by her. She only left to go to the bathroom, otherwise she sat there. Holding Faith’s hand. She wouldn’t eat, she slept only in when she couldn’t keep her eyes open any longer, and then only briefly. Her friends came by, and were upset at her condition. She was pale, her eyes had dark rings. She was nervy, and at times dazed. But she wouldn’t leave. They sat with her for awhile, then left, then came back later. She was still there. Refusing to move, refusing to eat. Finally, after three days, they ganged up on her, and forced her to leave. She was too tired and too weak to really fight them, so they brought her home. And put her to bed. She slept for 12 hours, and then ate ravenously. She wanted to go right back to the hospital. Joyce was worried about her daughter, but she knew she had to handle this delicately.
“Buffy, honey. I know you’re worried about Faith. We all are, sweetheart. But you being there all the time isn’t helping her, and it’s not helping you”
“But, mom, what if she wakes up and I’m not there? What’s she gonna think? I left her? Abandoned her?”
“Of course she won’t, honey. And if she wakes up, and you’re not there because you’re too sick and weak to see her. How is she going to feel then?” Joyce gently chides her.
Buffy looks down “ Mom, I just love her so much. It’s breaking my heart to see her this way. Why did this have to happen to her?” Buffy feels the tears threatening again, she tries to fight them back.
Joyce comes over and hugs her daughter “ It’s not fair, honey, I know. I wish I had some smart words how life doesn’t always play fair with us, but it’s all so trite. All you can do is hold on for her, dear, and be there for her when she needs you. If you hurt yourself, she won’t have you when she does need you, baby.”
“Why did she do this mom? Why? I don’t understand. I know she was worried for me, wanted to protect me. But does she really think that this is better?” Buffy is close to tears now, really close.
Joyce sighs. Buffy is asking her to explain the meaning of love. That is almost as easy as explaining the meaning of life.
“ Honey, sometimes people who love others do foolish things, because they want to protect them, no matter what it costs themselves. Faith acted from her heart; she was afraid you would be hurt, or killed. She didn’t think it through, Buffy. She reminds me of a certain stubborn blonde I know that does the same thing any time one of her friends or family are in danger” Joyce smiles at her daughter. “ She loves you, Buffy, just like you love her. Your grieving for her now, because you can’t understand why she did what she did. But I know you would have done the same thing for her, were it reversed.
“ I’ve come to love Faith like a daughter, honey, and it's hard to see you both hurting. I'm worried about her, but I’m also worried about you. What you have to do now, sweetheart, is live for her, until she is better. And I know she will get better”
“Mom, you don’t know that. The doctors don’t know that. What if she doesn’t? What if she never comes back to me?” Buffy loses it now, the thought just hurts too much.
“Wha...Wha…What if I never get to tell her how much I love her?” Buffy cries, her body shaking
Joyce just holds her daughter, soothing her best she can. She waits ‘til she has calmed before answering.
“Honey, no matter what, Faith knows how much you loved her. It’s as much as she loved you. Why she did what she did. Now you have to be strong for her, and help her come back to you… to all of us” Faith feels some tears coming, herself. She is going to be very upset indeed if Faith doesn’t recover.
“I’ll...try, mom. I’ll really try” Buffy says, as the tears come again.
Slowly she calms down, and makes a vow to herself. She vows she will do everything she can to bring Faith back to her
Faith wakes up.
She is 12 now. She knows what’s going on. She knows mom is zoned again. Somewhere in druggieland.
They’re in another cheap ‘apartment’ where the rats compete with the cockroaches for what little food can be scavenged. Never much around here anyway. Faith often goes to school(when she goes) hungry. She scrounges what she can from her friends. She tries to stay away from the place as much as possible. Especially now since her mom’s latest “Boyfriend” has been living with them.
He supplies Faith’s mom with drugs…enough to keep her happy. And he comes on to Faith. All the time. He touches her where he shouldn’t, watches her when he shouldn’t …. “Fucking perv” Faith thinks.
Then one night he crosses the line. He is drunk, but he is bigger than Faith, and stronger than Faith. He rapes her. Then he threatens her. Tells her he will kill her mom if she says anything. Kill her, too. Faith is scared, really scared. So she acquiesces. She lets him do what he wants to do. And blames herself for it.
She tries to think of being other places when it happens. It helps, some. But she still knows it happens. It makes her feel weak, and awful, and bad. She starts acting out in school, and starts dressing older than her age. She starts her “Bad Faith” character, to hide her pain, and her loneliness.
At times, she has fantasies about an angel. The angel comes to rescue her. She is beautiful. Blonde, with hazel green eyes and a gentle smile. She is strong. She kills the boyfriend with a sword. Then she holds Faith in her arms, and comforts her. Tells her she is safe now. That no one will hurt Faith while she is there.
And Faith can sleep, and rest easy, knowing her blonde angel is there, protecting her
Buffy is in mom mode.
She is doing everything she can for Faith.
She spends every minute that her mom will allow(ok, not nag her) with Faith.
She sleeps at home. She does her chores. She even goes out with her friends, at time(so they won’t nag her). She patrols. But every other minute of her waking day, she spends with Faith.
She talks to her. She encourages her friends to come by, and talk to her. She reads to her. Magazines she think Faith might like, books, anything. She begged the staff to let her take care of her when she is there. She bathes her, she makes sure she is turned to prevent bedsores. She massages her arms and legs to keep up blood flow and to keep the muscles toned a bit. She combs her hair every day, 100 strokes at least. She loves doing that. It gives her a feeling of closeness with Faith. At night, before she leaves, she sings to her. Sometimes pop, sometimes kids songs, anything she can think of.
So this is Buffy’s life now. Sleep, meals, chores, patrol and Faith. Mostly Faith.
The staff comes to know her. The nurses all call her by name. Sometimes she will find a new book, or magazine, or maybe a little treat for herself, left by one of the staff. Even as overworked as they are, as busy as they are, they recognize how devoted this young woman is to her friend. It touches their heart in a way they rarely are touched.
And so the time passes, hours into days, into weeks.
Faith is 15 now. She has been with Ms. Haversham for nearly 3 years
Ms. Haversham adopted her. After her mother one day skipped out on her. And left her to the tender mercies of the Child Protection services, and a series of … foster homes.
Ms. Haversham. Who gave her a real home, and real food, and real clothes, and all the stuff a young girl needs. Who treated her like a daughter.
Ms. Haversham, who told her of her destiny. To be a slayer
“In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against
the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer.”
“Cool” says Faith, and grins
So she trained, learned her ‘calling’. She trained hard, devoting a lot of energy to it. She found it to be a good outlet for the anger and pain she had built up over her years of neglect and abuse.
Before we think, though, she became another Kendra… well, that just so isn’t Faith. She also was a party girl, liked to cut school, got into trouble(much to Ms. H’s disapproval). She smoked(not much), swore(too much), and liked having fun. “Get in, get some, get out” became her motto.
And at nights, when the bad dreams came, when she remembered what had been done to her, her blonde angel would come to her, and protect her. Holding her ‘til the nightmares fled.
And one day, she changed.
She felt what was like a new energy come over her. Almost like a glow
And she became stronger, and faster, and her perceptions increased.
She became a slayer.
“ The last slayer had died, and you have become the Slayer” Ms. Haversham informed her, in her all too direct way.
And her life was sweet. 5 by 5, as she liked to say.
Until he came, and destroyed it for her.
Kakistos.
They had begun to patrol in earnest, looking for vampires and demons to kill. Unlike Sunnydale, however, Boston was full of human evil, but mystical evil was more rare.
They had tracked a nest of vampires to an abandoned warehouse close to the port district. They broke in, and dusted most of them. They were about to finish up when Faith felt a solid blow, and found herself flying against a wall.
Before her stood the largest vampire she had ever seen. He was like a brick wall. And his hands and feet were cloven.
“ I’m Kakistos, little slayer. And you are dead” He laughed.
She made to attack him, but two of his ‘associates’ held her back. And while she was captive, she had to watch, as Kakistos literally tore apart her watcher. Tore apart the only mother she had ever really had. Tore apart her world.
In a burst of anger and hate and adrenaline, she broke free from the vamps holding her. She quickly dusted them, and then attacked Kakistos.
But he was too powerful for her. Too old. Too hard to kill. But she did wound him, wound him badly. She cut his right eye , leaving a nasty scar and him blinded in that eye.
She escaped from him, and ran home. She packed some stuff… what she could carry, and ran…and kept running.
Buffy was getting impatient.
There was supposed to be a Scooby meeting here. Something about some new threat. But no one had showed. She was sitting here, waiting for them, and no one was here. It’s cutting into her time, time she could be with Faith.
Then they filed in. As a group. Looking solemn.
Uh oh. Looks serious.
Then Giles came in, and they were ready to start.
“ We’re here today, Buffy, not because of a new threat….” Giles began
What?
“…. But because we’re worried about you Buffy. We feel that you are spending an inordinate amount of time at the hospital. You seem to have stalled your life”
“That’s … stupid. I’m just spending my free time with Faith. She needs me” Buffy protested.
“Buff. Buffster” Xander said, cutting in. “ You know I’m your number one fan. Go Buffy. But, you’re doing the nun thing. Repentance. Cooping yourself up. You need to get out more, hang with your buds more. Faith wouldn’t want you to do this”
“How do you know what Faith would want? Is your girlfriend in the hospital in a coma, Xander? Do you even HAVE a girlfriend, Xander?” Buffy retorts. She is getting pissed.
Xander retreats, looking wounded.
“Matter of fact, show of hands. How many of you have lost someone fighting a ….” And then she stops. And looks at Giles. Who is looking an away, back straight, his hands gripped behind his back. She feels all the guilt about Angel and Jenny Calendar’s death come back to her. She approaches him, and quietly hugs him
“I’m sorry, Giles” she says softly, touching his cheek. “ But, if that were Jenny in the hospital…?” He looks down.
“Look, guys. I know what you’re doing. And I love you for it. Believe me I do. But you don’t understand. Faith * is * my life right now. She is the biggest part of my life. I love her. She is lying in the hospital, because she tried to protect me. She saved the world, for God’s sake. Is it asking too much to let me be with her, be there when she wakes up?” Buffy pleads with them.
Oz, in his usual quiet way, asks “ Buffy? What if she doesn’t?”
Buffy looks at Oz, stricken.
Willow gets up, and approaches Buffy. She stands in front of her
“Buffy, you… have to accept that she might not wake up…ever.” Willow looks grieved. She hates having to say this “ You have to prepare yourself for that. She may never wake up, Buffy”
Buffy doesn’t want to hear this” No. Will. No. She won’t….she can’t leave me. She WILL wake up, I know she will. She …she…” But they hit her greatest fear, the one gnawing at her since the library blew. That she has lost Faith. Her resolve wilts, and she falls into Willow, crying.
Willow puts her arms around her best friend, trying to comfort her.
“Will…she can’t leave me like this. What’ll I do? How will I live without her? She has to come back to me, Will.” Buffy is crying and pleading with Willow. It’s breaking Willow’s heart to see Buffy this way.
“Tell me , Will. Please. Tell me she’ll come back to me” Buffy breaks down, her heart falling to pieces.
Slowly her gangs, her scoobies, surround her, trying to heal their slayer.
Trying to heal their friend.
She wakes up. She is alone
She’s in a pool of harsh light, surrounded by darkness. It’s cold where she’s at. She is alone.
So alone.
She wanders around through the darkness, looking for a way back. A way home.
Thoughts and memories assault her. Bad things, and good things.
And mostly, her thoughts are of Buffy.
She remembers when she first saw her. In that grease pit of a diner in L.A. How she had lit up the whole place for Faith, though she didn’t realize it at the moment. Anne…her sweet Annie. Cute, shy, smart. Even that first day she had me.
She remembered when she learned Buffy was a slayer. How mad she had been, because Buffy hadn’t told her. How glad she had been, knowing she wasn’t alone anymore. She had someone who understood her life.
She remembered their first kiss. On that turnout on Muhlholland drive. How she had impulsively kissed her, and then feared she had ruined everything. Until their second kiss. Later that night. When she dropped off Buffy, and Buffy had kissed her.
She remembered the first time they had made love. In that tiny little flat of Buffy’s. Her wearing that blue dress Faith had given her. How… they had never finished dinner, their hunger for each other was so intense. How special, how wonderful it was. Like nothing ever before in her life. How much more the little blonde had wrapped her heart in love and joy.
She remembers how they ran to each other, and away from each other. How they fought, and made up, and fought again. How finally they put their demons aside, and found each other, really found each other.
She remembered the joy, and the pain, the love and the anger.
And she knew…how much she missed her love. How much her love meant to her. How her heart was empty without Buffy.
And it all came to her, back to her, like a wave of emotion, and overwhelmed her, and filled her.
And the darkness around her began to lighten. And she felt, surrounding her, the wings of her angel. The angel who had loved her, protected her, forever.
And the light around her grew brighter and brighter. And she felt peace in her heart. She knew she was going home.
Buffy’s running late.
She’d been dashing around all day, trying to get what she needed done, done.
Now she finally got the last bit done. Got the gift she had been waiting for form the jewelers
Now, just let me get to the hospital, God. Please. On time. I can’t miss visiting hours. Not tonight. Not tonight of all nights.
It was her anniversary. Their anniversary. The anniversary she had met Faith.
All day long, it had been a struggle. Trying to get everything done, and get here on time. She wanted to be here, sooner. Tried to be, but it seemed everything had gone so slowly. Like everything was trying to keep them apart. But not on this day. No way. Nothing would keep them apart on this day.
She pulled into the Hospital parking lot, slammed into a space, and ran for the lobby. She was on time!
She didn’t, couldn’t wait for the elevators. She literally flew up the four flights of stairs to Faith’s room. She ran down the hall, and stopped in front of Faith’s door.
Something was different. She could feel it. Like… some great energy was present. She walked into the room, and it was stronger. She stopped for a moment, closing her eyes. It washed over her, and left her… calm. She felt it dissipate, and fade.
She looked with hope at the bed where Faith lay, but nothing was different. She still was quiet, her eyes closed, breathing but not moving.
Buffy sighed, and felt a brief twinge of disappointment. She had hoped that it was some kind of sign, or something. But nothing had changed. Faith still lay in a coma.
She screwed up her will, and her courage, and walked to the bed. She sat in the chair next to it, and took Faith’s hand.
“ Hi, baby, I’m here. Sorry I’m so late. It was such a funny day. Everything seemed to go in slow motion. I couldn’t get anything done when I wanted it to. But I knew, somehow, I’d be here. Think I’d miss our anniversary?” Buffy said, smiling at her love.
“ I got you a little something for our Anniversary. I know you can’t see it, but I’ll tell you all about it” Buffy says, her voice quavering a little. She opened the box with the gift inside, then opened Faith’s hand. She laid it in her hand. It was a gold chain with a pendant. The pendant had two gold hearts, entwined, with a small diamond where they joined. She closed Faith’s hand over it and smiled.
“ It’s just like the one you gave me, Baby, for my birthday. I looked all over for another one, but couldn’t find it. I finally had to have one custom made. I hated letting go of mine, but I have it back now, and I have one for you too” Buffy can feel tears starting to form in her eyes, but she holds them back.
“ I got in engraved too, see? “ Buffy opens Faith’s hand, turns the pendant over, and rubs Faith’s thumb over the engraving. Buffy’s bottom lip, not co-operating, starts to quiver.
” It says “ My heart is forever yours. All my love, B.” She can’t hold them back any longer. The tears start to roll down her cheeks.
“ Here, Baby, let me put it on you” Buffy manages to get out. She gently lifts faith up, putting Faiths arms over her shoulders. She then, holding her up with her forearms, clasps the chain around her neck. Ever so gently, she lowers her. She arranges the chain on her. “ There, perfect. Just like you.”
Buffy looks down on her, and the tears start to flood. “ Oh , baby I miss you sooo much. Won’t you come back to me, honey? Won’t you come home to me? I need you, I can’t go on without you. Please, please baby. Come home to me.”
Buffy is overwhelmed with sadness and grief. She lays her head down on Faith’s chest, and starts to cry. Her heart aches so much for Faith, the dam just bursts. Her body is shaking with sobs, but she just can’t stop.
Slowly, an arm comes up off the bed. A hand begins to gently stroke Buffy’s hair. She is so caught in her emotions, she at first doesn’t feel it.
Gradually she becomes aware that someone is stroking her hair. She looks up, and there is Faith, eyes half open, a small flirty smirk on her lips. Buffy is so overwhelmed, she doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry, or both.

“Gee, Annie, I know the food stinks here, but ya don’t have to cry over it” Faith quips, her voice hoarse from not being used “So, what’s good?”
Buffy struggles for a bit. She is trying to remember how she answered that question a year ago. It suddenly comes to her
“What’s good is eating somewhere else” She replies, giggling, but the tears still flowing down her cheeks.
“Hey, B” Faith whispers, a little raspy.
“Hey, baby” Buffy answers, her voice choking a little on her tears.
Faith gently wipes away Buffy’s tears, and smiles at her.
“ I missed ya, Blondie” Faith says
“ I missed you so much, dimples” Buffy replies, her heart beating again
“B. ?” Faith asks
“Yeah, Faith?” Buffy replies.
“ There’s gotta be an easier way to get the girl”

~~&~~&~~&~~&~~

Fin
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Summer of Faith