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Know Who I Am	By : Paigie Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > FemmeSlash - Female/Female > Buffy/Faith Views: 4757 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
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Chapter List
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I’m startled awake when I hear the door open. What the hell? Where am I? This totally isn’t my bed, or my bedroom. My room smells way better than this. I open my eyes and take a look around. Ok, I’m in Faith’s room. Hers is the only room in the house with that creepy Rob Zombie poster. It takes a couple of seconds but last night starts rushing through my mind. I remember taking Sam to the hospital and her crying really hard when the doctor touched her. I remember talking to Faith and letting her cry against me. I remember that we kissed, and that I had a really hard time falling asleep because she wanted to snuggle. Faith snuggles, who knew?
I glance over at the door and see Sam standing there looking very tired, and a little upset. Maybe leaving her in my room wasn’t such a good idea. I don’t think she knows I’m awake otherwise she might’ve said something. I watch as she tip toes across the room. She’s headed for Faith’s side of the bed. Faith is still asleep, so I think I better stop Sam from waking her up. She didn’t get a whole lot of sleep either. I very slowly sit up and as soon as Sam sees me she freezes.
“Hi,” I whisper and she waves. I smile at her and she very slowly walks over to my side of the bed. I roll over so I’m facing her, and she looks a little sad. She starts messing with her splint and that’s not a good thing. “No, sweetie, don’t touch that. It’s going to help make your arm all better.” She stops touching it and now it looks like she doesn’t know what to do.
“Can I have some Coco Pops?” she says in a little whisper. So I guess she’s hungry. Makes sense since she didn’t want to eat yesterday. She was so sore, and in so much pain. All she wanted to do was sit in Faith’s lap. Anyway, back to what’s happening right now.
“You mean Coco Puffs?” I ask and she nods her head and she has this look on her face like ‘duh, that’s what I said’. “Yeah. But you have to be very quiet ok? Your mommy is still asleep and we don’t want to wake her up.” She just nods her little head and takes a step back so I have room to get up. Her curly hair bounces a little bit around her shoulders and it’s the cutest thing.
I very slowly get out of Faith’s bed and I freeze when she starts to move around. I watch as she grabs onto my pillow and snuggles up to it. Who knew Faith could be such a cuddle monster? ‘Cause I didn’t until last night. But I already told you about that. I know Faith would probably kill me if I said this to her but she’s really cute when she’s sleeping.
Anyway, Sam very gently holds onto my hand and we leave the room. I make sure to close the door just in case any sound does drift up here. I put the little cutie in her high chair and she yawns a very wide yawn. I look out the kitchen window and groan a little bit. The sun is just starting to rise.
“Can I have my Coco Pops now?” Sam asks and it snaps me back to reality. I’m glad she did. I was about to go all emo and think about all of the bad things that have happened since Tanner and Faith moved in. I need to look on the bright side. At least now I know that he isn’t perfect, far, far from it actually. And he’ll never come in here again.
“Yeah, just a second,” I say and walk over to the fridge to get the milk. Now that I’m thinking about it I have no idea what to do. Not with the cereal, I know how to do that. I mean, what do you talk about to a three-year-old? I’ve never actually spent any alone time with her before. So what the hell am I supposed to do? I think I’ll just wait for her to talk. She’s a chatter box once she’s a little more awake.
“Thank you,” she says when I put the bowl down and hand her the spoon. I tell her you’re welcome and she starts eating. Hmmm, what do I want for breakfast? Oh, I know. I’ll make breakfast for Faith and me. A classic too. I’m thinking toast, bacon, eggs and two tall glasses of orange juice. Sounds good to me. If only I knew how Faith likes her eggs. I think I’ll just go with scrambled.
“When is Gram coming home?” she asks and takes another bite of her cereal. Yeah, she calls my mom Gram, sometimes Grams. We gave up trying to tell her hat my mom isn’t her grandma. Faith and I even made a little family tree to try and show her how the generations work, but she just called us silly and walked away. Her mind is made up and there’s no changing it. My mom is her Gram and that’s final.
“She’s coming home tonight.” How scary is that thought? I have no idea how I’m going to explain everything to my mom. And I still don’t know if Faith wants to do it or not. I didn’t bring it up because she had enough on her mind without having to worry about that too. “But she’s not getting back until really late so you won’t see her until tomorrow.”
“Well I can stay up late and see her.” She sounds so…determined. Yep, she really is Faith’s kid. No doubt about that. “I can. I can see her and say goodnight. Because…” She takes a small bite and chews really fast. “Because that’s what people do. They say goodnight and go to bed. But they don’t go to bed first. They don’t do that. No. They say goodnight then they go to bed.” Ok. Well I’m glad I got that cleared up.
“You’re really smart, Sam,” I say and she just nods her head. “And you’re modest about it too.” She gets a confused look on her face but she doesn’t say anything because she’s too busy chewing. It’s nice to see she has manners. I guess she isn’t exactly like Faith after all. I’m definitely not complaining. One Faith is plenty enough.
“My daddy’s smart too.” And that’s where I have to disagree with her. I don’t say anything though. I just keep an eye on the bacon so it doesn’t burn. I want Faith to have a nice breakfast, not a charcoal one. “He can make stuff out of wood. He made me a pretty toy box.” Even though I don’t like Tanner I have to agree that he is good with his hands. He just causes pain with them too.
“I know. It’s a very pretty toy box.” Until the other night I would’ve described Tanner as the perfect dad. He made a toy box for Sam and they painted it together. He worked so much that they didn’t’ get to spend a lot of time together. But when they did he always did something worth remembering. If I hadn’t seen it for myself I would’ve never believed that he could lay a hand on her in a bad way. “You’re mommy is really smart too.” She just nods her head a little bit.
Ok, I guess that conversation is over since she’s not talking anymore. I guess I’ll just focus on breakfast then. Ok, the bacon is done. I put it on a plate and then put it in the microwave to keep it warm. Now that the bacon is done I’ll start cooking the eggs. You know, I can totally see myself doing this some of the time. Getting up with Sam to take care of her, and then making breakfast for Faith. While I’m down here cooking she would come in for a cup of coffee and wrap her arms around me and give my neck a little kiss.
“What are you making that stuff for?” she asks and starts slurping the milk from the bowl. I don’t know if she’s allowed to slurp like that. I’ve never seen her do it before so I don’t know what Faith would say. I guess I’ll just turn a blind eye and pretend that it never happened.
“I’m making it for me and your mom.” She gets a very puzzled look on her face. I don’t ask her about it though. I have a very bad habit of getting distracted and letting the eggs burn. She noisily slurps her milk and doesn’t say anything. I’m really, really hoping she won’t bring up Tanner again. Sooner or later she’s going to ask about him and why he’s not here, but I have no idea what to say.
When the eggs are done I put them on a plate and some bread in the toaster. Sam is watching me very closely, and it’s a little…unnerving. It’s kind of like when you go over to a friend’s house and their cat just sits and stares at you without blinking. You get all uncomfortable and you want to smack it, or scare it to make it go away. Well, that’s kind of what it’s like.
“Why are you making Mommy breakfast? You never make Mommy breakfast ‘fore.” Ok, I guess that’s a valid question. And she’s right, I’ve never cooked breakfast for Faith, or any other type of meal for that matter. But I’ve also never tried to subconsciously implant the idea that I would make a better girlfriend then Tanner is a boyfriend. Now that he’s gone I think it’s time to start implanting some thoughts.
“Because your mommy is very tired, and when she wakes up she’s going to be hungry. It’s nice cooking food for other people.” I read somewhere that cooking for someone that you really like is almost as intimate as having sex with them because you’re giving a part of yourself to that person. I’m not saying that’s what I’m trying to do here. I’m just kind of hoping Faith thinks the same too.
Ok, I have no idea how Faith likes her toast. We have four different kinds of jelly but I don’t remember what kind she likes. Or maybe she just likes butter on it? I have no idea. Alright, so new idea. I’ll just take them upstairs with me and she can pick which one she wants. Sounds good to me. I put all of the food on a plate, and then dig out the breakfast tray. I get a rag and wash the dust off of it. It’s been a really long time since we’ve used this.
“Ok little girl,” I say and pick Sam up. I set her down on the floor and she rubs her eyes. “Can you do me a super huge favor?” She nods her head and she looks a little excited. I don’t know if all little kids are like this but she really likes helping people out. “Can you go upstairs with me and open your mommy’s door?” She nods her head vigorously and she has a big smile on her face.
“Yeah, I can do that. I can open doors. I can do that,” she says and takes off for the stairs. I hope Faith doesn’t get mad that we’re going to wake her up. But we’re waking her up with food already made so it should be a fair exchange. Hopefully she won’t start throwing her fists around. I don’t know if that’s how Faith wakes up but I got a feeling that could happen.
When I get to the top of the stairs I can hear Faith talking to Sam. I don’t know what she’s saying because my slayer hearing isn’t that good. I stop in the doorway and just watch the very cute scene. Faith is sitting up in the bed with her back against the headboard. Sam is sitting between Faith’s legs and Faith is very gently holding Sam’s wrist in her hands. Both of them have behead like you wouldn’t believe and it’s so damn adorable that I want to take a picture.
“And in a couple weeks we’ll go back to the doctor and if your arm is all better he’ll take this off,” she says and her voice sounds all rough and sexy because she just woke up. Well, her voice always sounds sexy but I think it sounds sexier in the morning when it’s all gravely like this.
“Ok,” Sam says and she gets very quiet. Her little eyebrows knit together and I know she’s going to ask a question. That looks is almost always followed by a question. “Mommy, why Daddy so mad at me?” I was really hoping she wouldn’t bring that up today. But she did and there’s not much we can do about it now.
“Sammy, Dad wasn’t mad at you.” He’s just fucked up in the head. “He was mad because….” She trails off and it’s clear she has no idea what to say. I guess it’s time for me to do what I do best and save the day. I balance the tray in one hand and gently knock on the door. They both look up really quick and I can’t help but smile. They’re both just so cute.
“I made some breakfast,” I say and walk in the room. I smile a little wider when I hear Faith’s stomach growl. It wasn’t loud or anything. Just enough for my slayer hearing to pick up but Sam didn’t hear it. Faith has Sam move so she’s sitting next to her, and I carefully hand her the tray. She takes in a big whiff and I can practically see her mouth salivating. I didn’t think my cooking was that good. Then again she hasn’t tasted it.
“Damn, B, this looks good,” she says and takes a large bite of the eggs. I’m going to go ahead and take that whole “her eyes rolling into the back of her head” thing as a good sign. Yeah, definitely since she just let out a little moan. If those are the types of noises she makes I’ll cook for her every day. But then her eyebrows knit together and I know she’s going to ask a question. “You didn’t make any for yourself?” Hmmm, should I tell her I planned to share? Nah, I won’t.
“No, I didn’t really think about it.” She sits up a little more and stabs some eggs with the fork. She holds them out towards me and she has a very expectant look on her face. I hesitate and she raises an eyebrow. “Ok, if you insist.” I sit on the bed and scoot towards her until I’m close enough to take the bite. I wrap my lips around the fork and very slowly pull back looking into Faith’s eyes the entire time. I’m trying to make it as suggestive as possible and she’s definitely noticing. She has a little smirk on her face and I want to kiss her.
“Mom can I have some too?” Sam asks and I sigh. She’s so cute but she has horrible timing. Doesn’t she know I’m trying to show her mom how happy she could be with me, and how good I would treat her? Well I hope not. She’s too little to know about that stuff.
“Yeah baby,” Faith says and then feeds some to Samantha. She keeps looking over at me with that little smirk on her lips. Every time I see that smirk I want to giggle. It’s just so playful with a hint of naughty and very infectious. I know we’re still a long way from even thinking about dating but hopefully every morning will be like this, and that includes waking up in the same bed.
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Know Who I Am