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Independence	By : norwalker Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > FemmeSlash - Female/Female > Faith/Willow Views: 7379 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 21
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- 23
Independence
By Norwalker
Part 22 of
Summary: What did Willow and Faith discuss in that little car trip from L.A. to Sunnydale in season 7? And what were the consequences? A Willow/ Faith story
Rating: R, Very R
Category: romance/drama/angst
Spoilers: Possible season 7 spoilers. Possible season 4 Angel spoilers. C'mon, you must have seen 'em by now!
Time Line: Mid season 7(after the return of Faith) and beyond
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon , Mutant Enemy and Fox own them.
Warnings: Adult themes, violence, sexual situations between members of the same gender. Please be aware, character death is always a distinct possibility. It can happen here, so don't say I didn't warn you!!! Any racist remarks are spoken by the characters, and are in no way shared by the author. This story is not meant for children.
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Los Angeles
Yesterday evening
The four of them sit around a small table in one of the numerous " Irish Pubs" that's located in Los Angeles.
Liam, Peter and Layne sit quietly awaiting instructions from the fourth member of the group, who goes by the name Sean. He is somewhat older than the others, and his face and hands reflect the many political and physical battles he's been part and parcel to. His dark eyes are hard and piercing, his nose aquiline and sharp, his lips long but ungenerous, seeming to be naturally compressed most of the time. His brown hair is shot through with gray, and his brows seem to be permanently furrowed.
He looks over the group, quickly dismissing Peter and Liam, and addressing himself mostly to Layne.
"So, how did our Faith take the tidings you brought her?"
" To put a fine point on it, ' our ' Faith wasn't at all pleased with the news, " Layne replies. Her tone is moderate, but holds a slight edge. Unlike her cousins, she is somewhat skeptical of this so-called clan elder. Experience has taught her that hero worship in any form only leads to disappointment.
" Well, naturally, having one's plans derailed, or at least sidetracked, would tend to make one ... testy? But I guess what I really want to know is how she handled it?"
" Oh, well enough, I suppose. She was clearly not happy, but she took the news calmly enough, " Layne smiles a small, bitter smile, " but I don't think she's going to just lie there and take it, Sean. I suspect you'll still have a fight on your hands."
" Aye, no doubt about it, " Sean nods," she's a fiery one, that one. Very full of her own ideas and ideals. She's young, the young tend to be that way... thinking with the heart, and not the head." He shakes his head, " tis a pity , really. She could be a good leader, with some seasoning..."
" She is the one, Sean. The one in the prophecy, " Layne says, quietly, " She is supposed to lead us into a new age."
" The ' prophecy' is bunk, lass. You know that, " Sean's voice gets gruffer, " written 400 years ago by a madman. A call to arms by a fool and a dreamer, is what it is . "
" Be that as it may, " Layne doesn't dispute his words, " most of the board holds it to be valid and sacred. She is their leader. How do you plan to overcome that?"
" Most of the board is made up of dolts and dreamers. They're like sheep, following whatever comes along. They need to be... educated in the realities of life. What this little hellion is proposing is to change the clan in ways that are... too radical to contemplate. We've survived for millennia because we've taken a cautious approach in our fight against the old ones. We've become powerful and influential by staying in the background, nudging and coercing, not fighting and making war. At least, not being at the forefront of war. Ours is a unique place in the balance, and what she proposes... would change all that, throw us out of kilter, rend to bits the very delicate web we've woven. It can't be allowed, don't you see?"
" I see fear. I see resistance to change. I see a group of old fogies stuck in the past, " Layne smirks, " yet, I too agree that what she wants to do goes somewhat too far. We'll need to change, but you can't do it overnight. She doesn't have the patience or the skill to lead."
" Which is why you came to the ' old fogies', isn't it Layne? Because you want to lead the clan in her stead."
" Aye, Sean, I'll make no bones about it. I deserve to lead the clan. My family is older, our contributions greater, yet somehow, by some strange coincidence of birth, she's picked over me to lead... and it's not right, " Layne's eyes narrow, " She's not even Irish, for god's sake! She's American... and her heritage is Black Irish. Such as it is ."
"Am I detecting a wee bit of snobbery, here, Layne? After all, the Hearne branch has been out of favor long before Faith was made leader. Ever since that little do involving your great grandfather in Newcastle West . Seems to me a bit of the fox declaring the grapes to be rather untasty."
" That was a long time ago, and it's different. Nothing was every proved about my great grandfather," Layne's expression is rather tight, " However, the hijinks of our current 'leader' seem to be public record. Quite a colorful record, indeed."
" Indeed, so you would save the clan from an unsavory influence, is that it, Layne?" Sean's look darkens, as he glances 'round the table, " indeed, I'm sure there's no one sitting at this table, " this last remark is pointedly directed towards Layne," that hasn't done a thing or two that they're not ashamed of."
" Now, wait a minute..." Peter leaps in to Layne's defense.
" Quiet, whelp. I'm not here to defend our current 'leader', nor am I here to besmirch anyone here. Quite the contrary, Faith is a danger to everything we've worked for all these centuries. I'm not about to sit back and allow our purpose to be corrupted by some ... deluded child with a mission. I've got the best of my group working on the board now, bringing them around to our way of thinking. I suspect by the time Faith shows up at the next meeting, it'll be all over except for her cleaning out her office."
" Good, that's for the best, right?" Liam, to this point, puts in, " I'm thinking Faith is showing the stresses of being at the helm, so to speak. She was quite...upset by the news, even if she hid it well. Taking it personally, I think." He nods his head. " Anyway, as Sean said, the old ways have served us well, all this time. Why change now?"
" Exactly, lad. Well put, " Sean says agreeably. He notes the expression on Layne's face, " now, I'm knowing that change is coming... don't fret, lass. But it has to be brought slowly. We can't be going willy-nilly into some new plan. Things have to be done with some thought. I know you'll use some wisdom and discretion before instituting change in the clan."
Layne nods curtly in acknowledgement. She's not happy being at this table. She likes Faith, thinks she's got real fire, but she's all wrong for leadership. Her idea is right; change needs to come to the clan. But you can't cram change down the throat, you have to introduce it gradually, mixed in with some honey to make it go down sweeter. When she becomes leader, that's the approach she'll take. Slow and gradual.
" Now, we've agreed, right? Nothing is to happen to Faith, per se. She is after all, the living embodiment of the prophecy. She's a symbol, one that we'll use wisely when the leadership is returned to those with more experience. She's not to be harmed in any way, yes?"
" Of course not. She's Lehane. We don't go around killing our own, you know that, Layne, " Sean avows.
" Indeed, I know your reputation, Sean. It wouldn't be the first time that someone 'disappeared' or wound up dead, conveniently for your purposes, " Layne looks at him with a hardened expression." I'll be watching. She's not to be harmed, am I clear? There won't be the Orangemen around to blame."

" Don't be ridiculous. There's no need for violence, or threats, Layne. All is going according to plan."
" Good, we're done here, then," Layne says, standing up. She gestures to the others they're leaving. " We'll see you next month, then?" She's anxious to be away. She doesn't like this ' old warrior' much.
"Aye, next month" Sean nods.
" Goodbye then, Sean. Peace to you." She turns, and followed by Liam and Peter, departs.
" And to you lass," Sean says to their departing backs.
Sean leans back in his chair, and sits awhile alone. Taking a coin out of his pocket, he begins flipping it idly, checking the results on each toss. A small smile creases his well worn face.
" Heads or tails, lass, I win." Sean talks to himself in a low voice, " I fear things will not quite go as you plan, Layne. I know this Faith too well; she has the gift. She can persuade even the most stubborn to her 'cause'. Even with all we've done, it' won't be enough. Ah well, " He pockets the coin, " we'll just have to use other methods to still her voice, I suppose. ' Tis a pity, that."
Reaching for his glass, he stands and heads towards the bar.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Hyperion Hotel
Mid-morning
Buffy flits nervously around her room, unable to settle down.
She's hiding out. Hoping the maelstrom she started ... -God, was it only hours ago?- ... would blow over, so she could escape quietly. � Sneak out, don't you mean? Don't really want to see anyone, do you Buff? Not after last night. God, when you look up loser in the dictionary, my picture's right there. Shit, what've I done?-
Buffy's face is red, her eyes swollen from crying, a desperate, almost haunted look to them. She hasn't slept, she can't sleep. She's too upset; her mind keeps going over and over the fight in the lobby earlier this morning. She hears the words come out, in her voice, but she can't , won't believe she's talking. But she knows it's her. She sees the faces of the others; every little detail.
She sees the shock and anger on Willow's face. � God, she must hate me. I betrayed her.- She sees Giles looking at her as if he's never seen her before, and he's not liking what he sees. Kira looks as if she swallowed something vile. �Well of course. I'm not good enough to even think of 'her' Faith that way. Of course she thinks it's awful.-
The worst is Faith. The look on Faith's face is killing her. Surprise, yes, but also contempt, mixed with pity. As if Buffy were some hideous, nasty new species of bug that just crawled out of a crack... something she has to kill, but is so fascinating in its horribleness. When she opens her heart for Faith, let her see what's inside, when she clings to her, asking for one tiny sign that it isn't just her... she feels Faith stiffen in revulsion. Then she does the unthinkable, she grabs Faith and kisses her. She puts it all right there, in her kiss. And Faith throws her across the room in disgust. Buffy sees the truth then, over and over. She's vile, she's ... nothing... she's never meant anything to any of them, especially Faith. True to form, she runs.
Buffy flings her suitcase on the bed, opening it and starting to throw her things into it. She can't stay here any longer... not now...not with the way things have ...the way she made things. � I've ruined everything. How can I stay here and look at them, pretend nothing happened? Everything happened, and I'm... shit, I wish I were drunk! God, I wish I were dead, anything so I could stop thinking about it!!!!!- But she can't. It keeps playing over and over in her head: what she said, what she did. What they felt. All she has left now is to run. Run far enough away so they can't find her.
- What makes you think they'd look? Why do you think they even care? Maybe this is for the best. It's all out in the open now, you know how they feel, they know you're insane-o. Good. Maybe I can go away from here, forget them, forget her... forget... her lips, her taste... how? The way she felt in my arms, even if only a second... how do I forget that? Well, doesn't matter, you've got to forget, forget it all. Nobody left... Dawn. She's left. She'll stick by me, right? Can't count on it, Buff. Have to start standing on your own feet. Get away, make your own life. Let them go. So what if ... never mind... don't go there. Just go!- Buffy finishes packing, closing the case and looking around to be sure she didn't leave anything. In her haste, she didn't pack the pictures adorning the dresser and night stand. Growling angrily to herself, she starts to collect them, then stops. � No, clean break. No reminders, no memories. Start new.- She knows it's the only way. She has to leave everything and everybody behind. Carrying the bag, she crosses to the door, then stops. Slowly, she turns around, and goes back to the pictures.
She stares at each one, as if burning it into her mind. The one with her and Will and Xander, all smiling happily. Nothing special, they'd just goofed off, but everybody was happy... that day. The one with her and Dawn, Dawn giving her a noogie. Right after she flipped Dawnie on her back and tickled her til she peed. One with her and her mom, Buffy in her cap and gown from Sunnydale high, posing as Xander took the shot. Her mom looked so proud and happy. Buffy smiles, remembering. The one with the three of them in their robes, Xander in the center, giving Willow and Buffy the horns behind their heads. A small copy of the last formal shot they had with the whole family: Dad, Mom, Dawn and her...- just before the divorce, pretty much. Or they decided to divorce, anyway.- Then the two she had of Faith. Both taken that one Christmas Eve she came over to Buffy's house. One caught Faith unexpectedly. She had a smile; not her usual smirk, but a shy, happy smile. Her heart starts to beat faster looking at it. � Don't know how mom managed to get it. But she's so... beautiful...- Buffy's lip begins to quiver. She looks at the other one. It's after she got back. After it snowed for the only time ever in Sunnydale history. Like the kids they were, they'd gotten into a snow fight... Faith beat her, of course, and when it was over, Buffy looked like a drown rat. But Joyce took their picture. Arms around each other, Faith grinning happily. Buffy looking less pleased. Buffy puts it face down, not wanting to look.
She turns, and starts towards the door again. Then she stops, curses herself, and turns around. She opens the bag, and on impulse, scoops all the pictures in, and then shuts it. � Ok, I know I said clean break. But it's part of my life...-. This time she's ready. She grabs her suitcase, grabs her purse. � Outta here. So gonna get lost, no one'll ever find me. Well, she'll never find me, anyway. Better that way!- She marches with determination to the door, pulls it open...
And something ... or someone ... tumbles into the doorway. Buffy takes a step back, and Kira bonks her head on the floor, which interestingly wakes her up. She sits up, and seeing Buffy, smiles sleepily.
" Hey, Buffy." Kira rubs her head, " Ouch." She looks and sees Buffy carrying a suitcase. " Where ya going?"
" Kira? What the hell? What're... what's going on here?" Buffy, surprised, drops her suitcase. She walks over to Kira, and looks at where she hit her head. " Well, doesn't look like you hurt yourself too badly. What're you doing at my door?"
Kira gets a strained look on her face. " Buffy, if you don't mind...I've been squatting at the door for like four hours. I really..." She gets up and runs towards the bathroom... then stops. " Don't go nowhere, but I gotta pee so badly..." She runs into the bathroom and the door shuts behind her.
Buffy sits on the bed, amused despite herself.- What am I doing? I should go while she's in there.�- Buffy stands, ready to grab her suitcase, then sits again. - It wouldn't be right. She sat there for ... four hours? Is she nuts?... I can at least wait til she's done peeing. Give her five minutes and boom, I'm gone.- Buffy looks puzzled, as if she can't understand why Kira would sit at her door for four hours. � Maybe Faith stuck her there. To keep me from bolting. Well, forget that one.- Buffy stands, grabbing her 'case. She starts for the door.
" Oh, that's so much... Buffy! Where're you going? God, can't you wait a minute? Crap..." Kira rushes over to her, trying to block her way. " What's the rush, for goodness sake?" Buffy, as gently as she can, moves Kira out of the way.
" I'm leaving , Kira." Buffy says, going out the door.
" Why? I mean, what? You afraid some deep dark secret is going to come out? One we don't know?"
Buffy stops, frozen. She turns around, her face red. She glares at Kira.
" Face it, Buffy. You pretty much made a jackass out of yourself last night. And look I'm still here! How much worse can it get?"
" Yeah, why ARE you here?" Buffy growls, low. " Faith stick you here? Tell you to keep me here until she can humiliate me herself?"
Kira makes a face, " Oh, please, Buffy. Get over yourself. You think you're the only thing Faith has to worry about? Or even, the most important thing?"
" N-No..." Buffy says, her voice, her attitude defeated. " She doesn't care ... that's pretty clear from last night. God, what did I do?" Buffy shakes her head and turns, " just let me go, ok? I'm really ... god, I just need to get out of here!"
" What you need, Buffy, is a good spanking." Kira says, firmly." God, you're a spoiled brat."
" WHAAAT?" Buffy turns beet red.
" So, Faith doesn't love you? Well... boo hoo. Get over it, Buffy. Maybe if you'd opened your mouth sooner, rather than sit and nurse your pain and feelings, maybe things would be different. Well, they're not different, so get over it!"
" Just like that, huh?" Buffy turns, dropping her case again, and going to Kira. She gets in her face, " Just snap my fingers, and boom, what I feel is gone. Is that it? God, what do YOU know anyway, Popsicle stick? You ever EVEN been in love? Do you know what it's like to love someone so much, you can't breathe? Do you? DO YOU HAVE A CLUE AT ALL????"
" Maybe, " Kira says quietly, not backing down," maybe if you weren't so self involved, you'd see it."
" You too?" Buffy says, misunderstanding. Her mercurial mood changes, and she's all sympathy, " God, we're a pair, huh? I mean, being in love with Faith, but trying to get Willow and her back together. God, must be torture for you, working so close and all with her, feeling like you do, and then boom, her old flame shows up, and ..." She reaches out , and touches Kira's face. " You're braver than me, I gotta say. I can't do it. I can't be here, look at her, be around her, and pretend I don't feel what I feel. I'm not strong like you. I gotta go." She walks over and picks up her suitcase again. " Good luck, Kira. Don't pine away for her like I did, ok? Find somebody else you can love... I don't want to see you wind up all screwed up like me, ok?" She smiles a sad little smile, and starts walking away.
" HEY!" Kira calls out, " STOP YOU!" Kira rushes up to her.
" What IS it Kira? I told you, I can't ..."
But Buffy doesn�t get to complete that thought. Kira grabs her, shoves her against a wall, and lays a toe curling kiss on her. Buffy struggles against her, and pushes her away... as gently as she can.
" Kira, what the hell are..."
Kira shuts her up with another kiss, again Buffy shoving her away.
" Stop it. STOP IT!" Buffy growls, when Kira makes to kiss her again, " WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
" Kinda obvious, don't you think?" Kira asks. A satisfied little grin on her face.
" Yeah ok, Duh! I know what you're doing. WHY?" Buffy asks, wide eyed.
" You know, Buffy, that little thing you did down in the office yesterday? Acting like a bubble headed mall rat? I thought it was an act. I really did. But I'm beginning to believe you're really an airhead, get it?"
" Well, thanks, Kira. Nice to know what you think of me, " Buffy says, sarcastically, " love you too, babe!"
" No, dumbass, that's the problem. You DON'T love me. You love Faith... god knows why, but you do. Instead of someone who maybe could love you back. Someone like me!" Angrily, she shoves Buffy, then walks across the hall, leaning against the opposite wall. She stares at Buffy.
Buffy for her part, feels like Cletus the slack jawed yokel. She's speechless.
" First time I saw you, Buffy, I was in the lobby downstairs, talking to that moron, Darren, looking out the window. And you walked in the garden, and boom. It was ... you glowed, I swear, you glowed. All golden like. I'd never seen anyone like you... God, I lost my train of thought looking at you. That's NEVER happened to me before, with anyone!" Kira sighs, " then Faith brings you in and introduces you, and I see this woman, a little on the short side, but so damned...god, so damned... anyway, I'm like flustered 10 ways from midnight. You were so cute and sexy and hot... and you smiled, and it was this polite smile, I know, but God my heart just leapt in my chest. Leapt in my chest! God." She blushes, "stupid, huh? Then Faith wants to go for drinks, and I try to back off. Not because I don't want to, not because I'm some kinda temperance do-gooder type, as you like to think . Naw, I ... for the first time in my life, I was afraid to be out of control, not knowing how I'd act around you, thinking you'd think I was some kinda ... damn." She hits the wall behind her with her fist, " Ow. How do you do that?" She shakes her fist, cuz it hurts. " I never felt like that before. God, not about a girl, anyway. Shoot, I never even thought about girls that way, til you. Get it?"
Buffy nods. She doesn't trust herself to speak.
" Me, Ms. Straight Arrow, getting all gooey and giggly over a woman? No way! I like guys. I like guy parts. I like to get wriggly with guys. Yet, here I am, sitting in a bar, after you two dragged me there, sitting across from you, trying to peek down your blouse! I've never done that before in my life. I sat there, and as you yammered on about something or the other with Faith, I was wondering what you looked like naked. Wondered what it would be like to hold you naked, me being naked too. Wondering what kissing you would be like. I was sitting there, scheming on ways I could ' accidentally' spill my drink on your blouse. So I'd have an excuse to ..." Kira goes red.
Buffy stares at her, goggle-eyed.
"That first night when I had to go looking for you? When I found you in the club? When I saw you dancing with those guys, getting them all hot and bothered? I was so totally jealous. I wanted you to be doing that to me. I wanted you to pay attention to ME. Never mind watching you made me so hot I nearly... god, I can't believe I'm saying this... I nearly wet my pants. Oh, and dumbass. You think you ' forced ' me to get drunk? Get real, girl. You're not the only one with feminine wiles. God, you're easy, that way. You thought you were ' corrupting' me, girl. And I let you think it, because it made you happy, I thought. Shit, I could probably drink you under the table, girl. I acted drunk, baby. I wasn't drunk. Dope!" She laughs at the amazed expression on Buffy's face. " My sister didn't exaggerate, Buffy. I'm the wild one in the family. But you saw me one way, and hey, it was easier to let you go on thinking it. Know why? Cuz saying no to you is like...magic. I say no, and boy you're all over me, turning on the charm, putting on the moves, doing whatever it takes to get your way, brat! Yeah, brat! But I loved it, because it ... it was you, and ... " she changes tack." Why do you think I was so eager to help you get Faith and Willow together? Never mind I didn't have a clue how you felt about Faith, and it obviously was some kind of self flagellation thing you had going on. But it meant more time with you, scheming with you, scheming how I could get you alone, finally, after they were ' together' and ... well, frankly, jump your bones. "
Buffy, ever silent, stands with a small " O" plastered on her mouth.
Kira looks Buffy's face over carefully, looking for some kind of response. She smiles sadly, " You see, Buffy? Faith isn't the only one not seeing things. How many anvils do I gotta drop before you get a clue? Why do you think I hang out with you so much, even when it gets me in trouble with Faith? Why do you think I get irritated when you almost beg me to go out, and I can't, and you can't understand. Why do you think I spent the last four hours squatted by your door, when you kept telling me to 'Go away, I hate you, go away, I don't want you, go away Kira, go away?' Why do you think I'm here, now, Buffy?" She walks over to Buffy, and cups her face in her hands, " Don't you think I'd do anything to make the hurt go away, Buffy?" Kira says softly, rubbing her thumbs against Buffy's cheeks. " Don't you know it breaks my heart to see you hurt like this? But I can't do it, Buffy. I can't make you whole. I can't make it go away. Only you can do that. Won't happen today, or tomorrow. Who knows when it won't feel like you wanna die?" She lets her hands drop to her sides." It's the shits, Buffy, I know. I know how you feel, believe me. I can feel the pain, so much. Until last night, I didn't know it... because I didn't feel it. I'm feeling it now." Kira pauses, trying to keep her own anguish and hurt from coming out. " I'm going to hurt while you hurt, Buffy. Because there's no room in your heart for me right now. She has it, and boy, that really hurts. I can't fix you Buffy, but if you'll let me, I'll help."
Kira looks for some kind of reaction from Buffy. Anything that tells her she wants to move on. But she gets nothing. Kira's shoulders slump, as if defeated once again.
"Ok, babe, I get it. Better than you think. I can't do miracles. I can't be you, Buffy. I can't go around and eat myself up wanting something I can't have. I'll be patient, Buffy. But I won't stop living. Not because you love her. I'm sorry, I won't"
Kira turns, and starts down the hall. She pushes her tears down, not wanting Buffy to know she's hurting. She reaches the stairs, and looks back. Buffy is still standing there, looking blankly at the floor. It takes every bit of her will not to run to her, and shake her, and cover her with kisses. Anything to make her come alive.- Can't help her if she doesn't want it.- She turns, and starts down the stairs. She hears a crash, and stops. She looks again, and Buffy has put her fist through the wall, staring at it as if she didn't know what she was doing. She looks up at Kira, her face red and full of pain.
" Help me? Please? Help me?" Buffy cries out softly. She leans against the wall, her fist still stuck in the hole. She doesn't cry, she doesn't sob. She just calls out in a plaintive voice. " Please, help me..."
Kira rushes up the stairs, and helps Buffy to extract her hand from the hole. The hand is cut and bleeding. Buffy looks up at her, her eyes pleading, bright with unshed tears. Her lip quivers, but she won't let herself cry. Instead, she leans into Kira. She lays her head on Kira's chest. She starts to shake. Kira puts her arm around Buffy, and pulls her close.
" I'm s-so sorry. P-Please, help me. I d-d-don't want t-to feel like this anymore."
Kira gently guides Buffy to her room.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Los Angeles
Afternoon
Willow Rosenberg is doing some aimless window-shopping on a lovely L.A. afternoon. She stops occasionally at something that catches her eye, but mostly she's just walking around.
She needs to get away from the Hyperion for awhile. She needs to think, without Faith or Buffy being so close at hand.
She can't understand how things could go from being so wonderful to being so dreadful in a few short hours. To her it was as if the Powers that Be really were having a joke at her expense. All of their expenses, actually.
Last night with Faith had been beyond awesome. There was sweet, and tender, and playful, and rough, and downright nasty( where DID Faith get those inventive little toys, anyway? She wondered.). But the most beautiful had been how attentive, how focused Faith had been on her. As if she'd been the most important thing in the world, as if nothing else mattered. Beyond simple pleasure, Willow had felt loved like she hadn't felt in a very long time.
She should've known it wouldn�t last. � Does the good stuff ever go on? Not in my experience.- Kira had shown up, telling them how Buffy had once again gotten into trouble. With Connor, and now both were in jail.
They'd hastily dressed and gone down to bail them out. Only to run into the Riley's, Connor's parents, who were there for Connor. The recriminations, the threats of lawsuit, of criminal action if ANY of them ever came near Connor again, didn't help Faith's temper, which was already up and running.
Buffy only made it worse by acting nonchalant about what happened. Faith was near livid, threatening to leave Buffy right where she was. Buffy just shrugged and in a defiant tone said go ahead, who cares? If Willow hadn't interceded, and pulled Faith aside to calm her down, there's no telling what would've happened. Willow noted out of the corner of her eye, as she was talking down Faith, that Giles was talking to Buffy rather sternly, very out of character for him. Buffy's expression just grew more and more sullen, as far as she could see.
The ride home had been in a strained, chilly silence, only punctuated occasionally with a rude comment from either Buffy or Faith, which was answered with barely more than a grunt from the other.
Back at the Hyperion, in the lobby, things just went into meltdown mode. Willow has to give credit to Faith; she tried to talk to Buffy privately, but Buffy wasn't having any of it. � God, she can be so damned stubborn!- But it looked like a typical fight between the two, recriminations all around. Giles, Kira and Willow had decided wisely to stay out of it. But Buffy included them, and that finally led to the weirdness.
Because Buffy lost it totally. She broke down, and revealed she loved Faith, loved her for years, since almost when she first met her. She went over the top, hopped the wall, and ran straight into insane-o land. She yelled, she cried, she grabbed Faith and almost kissed her feet... then she grabbed her and kissed her like... Willow shudders, remembering. Faith pushed her away; more, she tossed her across the room. Buffy ran out, crying.
But to Willow, that wasn't the strangest or most troubling. It was after, when Faith and Kira started fighting as to who should go talk to Buffy. It got heated(- Holy macaroni, I didn't know Kira felt like that about Buffy!�-), tempers and passions raised, and then it came out. From Faith's own lips.
" YEAH? WELL YOU'RE CRAZY. I LOVE HER TOO!"
Willow felt like someone had hit her with a sledgehammer. Of course, Faith immediately said tried to take it back, saying she meant like a sister, Buffy was like a sister. But Willow had heard the tone, the passion... and she didn't know.
So here she was, wandering around, window-shopping, and trying her best to sort all of last night out in her mind. That Faith loved her? She didn't have any doubts. Faith more than proved that last night.- She didn't fuck me last night, she made love to me. She... was there, all there, with me. I could feel her reactions, how she felt... I know she loves me.- That really isn't what's troubling Willow. It's her heated confession of love for Buffy. It didn't sound like the kind of love Willow feels for Buffy. Because there's no doubt Willow loves Buffy... Buffy is like her sister, the sister she never had. She can share anything with Buffy, and know that private stays private. They've got their problems, they aren't as close as they once were, but that happens all the time. Push come to shove, Willow would stick by Buffy, and she knows Buffy would stick with her.
But the way Faith said it last night, at the top of her lungs, with the kind of passion... it didn't sound like that. It sounded like hot and heavy, wanna get naked and fuck your brains out kind of love, a lover's love. �Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm still insecure about Faith's love for me. Maybe I put something there that wasn't there.- But that was hard to reconcile with what she witnessed. Because it wasn't even the words, or how she said them that threw her, but the expression on her face. -t was in the heat of the argument, sure. Faith was pushed to her limits with everything that happened that day, sure ( note to self, find out what happened in the office that day with Faith and those people). Faith was really upset with Buffy's latest prank. Got that.-
But to Willow, the look on Faith's face said she believed every word she said as it came out. � So now I gotta wonder, does she love Buffy too? I mean, does she think about Buffy as a lover? I know for awhile, way back when in Sunnydale, I suspected that there was more than the bonding of sisters when they started hanging around with each other almost exclusively. I kinda wondered if something more wasn't going on... but then Alan Finch died, and everything went blooey, and that ended. But did it? Are there some like residual feelings on a deeper level there? I know for a really brief time, after Oz ... god, can that still hurt after all this time? Yikes! After Oz left, and when Buffy was kind of drifting, guy wise, I felt some things... I guess I shouldn't have felt. Buffy IS a very attractive, and warm, and lovable... whoa, Will, lets really NOT go there. Aren't things weird enough? Just saying, I can see the attraction. But...-

What bothered Willow was she was very monogamous in her feelings. She tended to be extremely faithful to whom she was with, and she had a hard time understanding loving more than one person at the same time. �How can she do that? I mean, how can she love me and Buffy at the same time. Oh, sure, I get that you love each person differently. I know my love with Faith is very different than my love with Tara. Tara loved me in a sweet, gentle way. It was peaceful, and enriching and goddess, so simple. Faith, my god, it's... here and there and everywhere, and drama? God the drama... and so passionate that sometimes I feel like I'm melting and oh god do I love it when she makes me melt. It's crazy ... and I love the crazy! But how do you make room for two in your heart? I mean, in that way? How can two people get you feeling all squishy and crazy and needing more? Make you feel on the edge and safe at the same time? How...do you feel like that with two or more people? Maybe it's like, she loves me for some things, but Buffy arouses other feelings in her. Isn't it supposed to happen that way with one person though?-
No matter how she tried, Willow couldn't wrap her mind around that. She couldn't get loving more than one person at a time. So now she had to find out. � Who does Faith love. Really love?- She knew she had to go and talk to Faith now. She couldn't put it off any longer.
She had to admit to herself, she had been putting it off. She avoided Faith this morning, as much as possible. Faith, for her part, hadn't exactly run after her, wanting answers, either. Both sensed it wasn't time yet. But it was now. She had to do it now, as soon as she could.
-If it turns out that Faith loves Buffy, wants Buffy instead of me ... oh crap ... there's that burning feeling... damn...ok, settle, Will. If she does, then best to do it now, get it done. I know that I'll just have to leave if that's what the what is. I can't be around her if she ... oh, crap, stop crying!!!!! Get a grip, Willow!! Ok, ok, I'm ok... if she loves Buffy... then I can't be here. I gotta go. Faith's like a drug to me. A bad , bad drug that I crave with every bit of me, and if I stay, I'll go crazy. No, I gotta know. So I can go, and really, really make a new life for myself this time. Really, really try to forget her. Yeah, that's gonna happen... shit. Doesn't this ever get easier?-
-Doesn't it?-
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Evening
Hyperion Hotel, Lobby
Faith stands behind the reception desk of the Hyperion hotel, reports spread out over the counter. There are projections, personnel reports, personal profiles, costing reports, and a variety of other documents spread along the long curved counter. On the desk area she has a laptop connected to the T-3 line she's had installed in the Hyperion. She's in intense work mode, trying to put together her now exploded plans.
For the briefest moment, a few hours back, she just wanted to throw up her hands, yell at the top of her lungs, and run away as far as her legs and whatever money she had in her pocket could take her. She couldn't believe that little over a month ago, everything seemed so ok, she was top of the world, and ready to conquer.
Now, in little over 24 hours, her life has gone into the toilet, and she's struggling to save it from the whirlpool. She picks up another folder, trying to study the projected figures on the page, but the words and numbers just keep swirling around crazily. She can't think about this. Too much had happened.
The last two days have been just too much for her. -First I go all blubbery in the garden, and Willow has to lead me away like a baby(ok, not going to get all negativo on that... the after snuggling... yeah, that was better than fine). Then there was that strange dream.�- What did that mean? Watch out, your friends are gonna screw you is what I got out of it. Ok, great, but which ones? Right now, it seems like everybody is angry in one way or another with me. Well, except Giles, and with him who can tell?- Then Liam, Peter and most of all, Layne shows up. Oh fun that was. They sat there perched like fucking vultures, while telling me that the board is reconsidering my plans... and that I better come up with something good in a month's time, or it's over. Like, didn't they get it the first time? But no, some members are getting all squiggly because they might actually have to do something for once. GOD, are they a bunch of bozos, or what? What do they want? Blood? Shit, I'm putting my everything on the line here, and they want justification. Oh, and if Layne thinks I don't know she's jonesing for my job? She's a bigger moron than I think she is. How can she be related to Kira, who's probably 1000 times smarter than she is? Yet, she's the matriarch of her family, and what she says, goes. Crappolla shittola deluxe!!! And what about Kira, anyway? Is she with me, or is she working with Layne. Crap, that's just what I need... not knowing! Who can I trust, anyway?
A big grin breaks out on Faith's face. � Well, ok, it wasn't all bad. God, I was blown away when Willow came to me... and so wanted to...to. Man, that girl. What she does to me is illegal... and should be bottled. Who woulda thought lil mousy Red, Buffy's geeky friend, would turn out to be such a ... is there such a thing as a witchy slutty tigress, anyway? Don't know, but if there is, Willow's picture is right there. I gotta know how she does that 1000 finger thing... I swear, it feels like her hands are all over me everywhere at the same time. Shit, I nearly lose my mind when she does that. Oh, but don't ever stop doing it, baby !!! hmmm... doubly yummies. Shit just thinking about it is getting me wet!- Faith chuckles.- Got her back though. Loved how her eyes went like saucers when I pulled out my little toy. Boy did she squeal when I used it on her. Thought I was killing her til she started gasping out " harder, harder fuck me harder." Shit, that girl is insatiable. Scared me shitless though, I gotta admit. She got this funny look on her face, like she wanted to make it a permanent attachment... she wouldn't, would she?- Faith shudders. That's just a little too weird to contemplate. � But boy, she's not one to lay there and take it. Doin the sweaty with her is way tiring... and then, she gets to paddling my butt. Ok, really didn't think I was gonna like that... til she started the rubbing and kissing ... oh, crap, I gotta stop thinking about it, or I'm gonna never get anything done!!! Never mind I've run out of panties, and I so need to do laundry!- Faith picks up another folder, and starts to review it. Anything to get her mind out of the bedroom. She studies it for awhile, but then her mind wanders again, and she throws it down in disgust.
- What the fuck am I gonna do? I.am.totally.screwed. Willow's gonna so leave my ass, and how can I really blame her? After last night. And Buffy. God, Buffy!! Well, at least now I've got a clue why she's been acting crazy. But it's insane. She can't really feel that way, can she? That's just nuts!!! I never- ever- ever encouraged that... did I? Ok, so I was a little wild at that age, well who wasn�t? Except maybe Miss stuck-up-prim-and-proper-goody-two-shoes Buffy. Seems not so prim and proper, though. But I never like... came on to her, did I? Hell no! Ok, now with Xander, we got sweaty and wriggly. Cool beans. But Buffy? Sheet, girl. I figured she'd have a heart attack if I ever... did I want to, though? Well, shit, she was cheerleader cute. Who doesn't like pom-poms? And she's got way cute pom-poms. Oh stop, Faith, for god's sake! I never ... well, ok I teased her once in awhile, and maybe I flirted a little with her, but hell.. that was just kid stuff. And ok, we got a little sweaty in one little dance at the Bronze. And shit, why am I remembering this stuff so damned well No, no, no, no, no, no and way NO! I love Red, I don't love Buffy. Simple. She's just well, like maybe there was a tiny little crushing there for a little while. She was a slayer, too, and you know how that goes. We worked and fought together, and got you know how it is after slaying... hungry and horny. So yeah, ok, maybe just a little horniness there after. But nothing real, nothing like serious. Not for ME, anyway. Right?
" YEAH? WELL YOU'RE CRAZY. I LOVE HER TOO!"
-Shut up, head! I was pissed off, and I didn't like what Kira was saying to me. I love Buffy, sure, like I love a sister! Not like I love Red. But boy, that look on Red's face... oh shit O'Leary, I'm so dead!!! She looked like she just swallowed piss, for Christ's sake. Man, why did I even say that? I didn't mean I loved her, loved her. I just meant I cared about her. I mean, c'mon, she makes me crazy, and every time we meet, she fucking punches me in the face!... kiss me til my lips bleed? Wonder what... STOP IT!!!
" YEAH? WELL YOU'RE CRAZY. I LOVE HER TOO!"
- STOP IT. I DON'T LOVE HER, I LOVE WILLOW! ...the lady doth protest too much... yeah, well, you're full of crap! Yeah, ok, there were times, especially in prison, when it was late at night, and I had some fantasies... but that was all it was, and that was before I really got to know Red, ok? Shit, she's a little blond hottie, who WOULDN'T fantasize about her once in awhile... and hey, not like I was getting any. Think I wanted something from those skanks in the joint? Never mind I kept my distance because I had way too many shivs pulled on me. Naw, it was just like fantasy, you know. That's what all of this is, fantasy. Because, it aint real, it aint happening, I got who I want, and that�s...
" Hi, busy?"
Faith looks up, startled. Willow is standing by the counter, smiling at her. She flushes a bright pink.
" Red, hi. Busy. Umm... kinda. Going over some stuff here. But hey, always time for you!" Faith makes like the employee who's been caught daydreaming at their desk. That is, she starts trying to look busy and involved.
" Really? Cuz, to me it looked like you were kind of doing the woolgathering thing."
" Me? No, no, I was... that is, I'm ... what did you want?" Faith stumbles over her words.
Willow can't help laughing. Faith being distressed, at least right now, is just so cute to her.
"What's so funny?" Faith asks, aggrieved.
" You're funny, you goof!" Willow giggles, reaching out and touching Faith's arm. " You obviously weren't looking over these reports... you were standing there with this goofball expression on your face."
" I was not... huh?" Faith looks confused.
" Poor baby, I've been standing here for five minutes, and you didn't notice me!"
" Oh... OH... god, Red, I'm so sorry... "
" Don't be, silly. Just tell me what was going on in your head that was so fascinating!!!"
" Nothing, " Faith says. She sees Willow's face get serious, and her eyebrow arch. " Ok, ok... I ... was thinking how screwed I was..."
"Are you, Faith? I mean, are you feeling screwed?" Red looks at her with a sidelong glance, trying to divine her feelings.
" Everything is just falling apart, Red. I mean, everything I've been working on for the last year... it's going to hell. And then, last night, of all nights, Buffy goes whacko and decides she loves me... what's that about?"
" Yeah, I've been meaning to ask you about that. What WAS that about... especially later, with you and Kira?"
" Oh, god, Red..." Faith pleads," I... I was upset, and I was angry, and I didn't like what Kira said... I was ... I said ... I didn't mean what it sounded like, don't you see? It... oh, crap, I don't know... I mean, I do know... I love YOU, Red, only you..."
" Faith, I'm really not trying to persecute you here, honey. But when you said it last night, I saw your face, and it looked like, and sounded like, you meant it."
" Look, Willow, I'm not going to lie to you. In the past, I admit there were some feelings I had about Buffy. Ok, it's not unnatural, you know... and I admit at times, IN THE PAST, I fantasized a little about her. But it was never serious, Red. NEVER! And , that was before I really got to know you. Know how wonderful, how beautiful, how damned special you are. You... you're the good thing in my life, Red. The thing that if everything else goes to hell, I know is there. Do you see? I love you, Red, love you with every little bitty bit of me. I love Buffy, I do, LIKE A SISTER. Like Buffy loves Dawn. But it's you I need, Red. You I adore, you I dream about and jones about and can't live without."
" Faith... there you go again, " Willow's voice has a happy crying tone to it, all choked up, " You say just the perfect thing, and I melt like a ice cream cone on a August day. Damn you!" Willow comes over to the counter, and reaches across. " You come here you!" Willow grabs Faith and pulls her into a rather awkward, if warm kiss. They kiss, and kiss... oh, and kiss.
" Hey guys, what.. oh... crap...ok, well, you're busy, I'll come back later..." Buffy, coming downstairs sees Willow and Faith smooching over the counter. � Well, at least I managed not to fuck that up!-. Buffy does a 180 and starts back up the stairs.
" WHOA!" Faith, breaking the kiss, shouts out. " YOU! Stop your ass right there, and get here. NOW!" Her tone is stern.
" Faith, don't be too..." Willow starts, but Faith puts up her hand to stop her.
Buffy stands frozen on the stair, a little wary of Faith's tone. � Crap, I'm so dead. I'm deader than dead.-
" Well, do I have to repeat myself, B? Get your butt down here. Don't MAKE me come get you!" Faith's face looks stern, but if you look very carefully at the corner of her mouth, you'll see it twitching.
Buffy, looking like a puppy that just got caught chewing the slippers, comes down slowly, shoulders slumped. Tail firmly tucked between her legs. She walks obediently to the desk and stands, waiting to get her nose...or whatever, rubbed in it.
Faith stands glaring at her. Inside, she's gloating. She's so loving watching Buffy be uncomfortable for once; revenge is so sweet, sometimes. But she can't really stay mad at the dumb blond, because she does love her like a sister, and she has a soft spot in her heart for her. But she's so going to savor this moment.
" So, you screwed up again, didn't ya?" Faith says, her tone cool.
Buffy, shamefaced, nods.
" And you managed to get everybody all worked up and angry and pissed again, didn't you?"
" uh-huh, " Buffy replies, in a tiny little voice. She looks up with a heartbreakingly little girl lost expression.
Willow wants to go over and hug her, but Faith isn't buying it.
" Faith, don't..." She starts to move towards Buffy, but Faith reaches over and restrains her.
" No, Red. She's gotta learn. She's been doing this and doing this, and we've been letting her get away with it. That stops, now!"
" She's sorry. Can't you see she's sorry?" Willow says.
" Faith, really, I'm sooo sorry..." Buffy begins. Faith cuts her off.
" No, B. Sorry doesn't cut it." Faith shakes her head. " If it were just me, Buffy, it wouldn't be so bad. But you're hurting everybody around here, and hey, I'm not going to stand by and take it. You're an adult, now Buffy. Think of Willow, here..."
" It's ok, Faith, I know she didn't really..."
" No, she did, or she wouldn't say it. What about Kira? You hurt her too. And she's mad at ME now. She won't even talk to me, now. Think I like that one, Buffy? Kira's my best friend, and she...." Faith breaks off, making a growling sound.
" Faith, please," Buffy begs, getting down on her knees." I'm so sorry... please, I know I've been a fuck up, but I'm wanting to make it right. Please, please forgive me!"
" C'mon, Buffy, be real. Do you think it's that easy? You've been acting like this since you got here, practically. Do you think you can just stomp on people's feelings and then apologize and everything's ok? Doesn't work that way, Buffy."
"What can I do, Faith? How can I prove I want to make it right? I'll do whatever you ask, just please, give me a chance."
" You want a chance, huh? Another chance?" Faith turns away, her back to Buffy. She so doesn't want her to see the grin she can't help. She stands there for awhile, pretending to think it over. Then she says, over her shoulder, " ok, I think that's fair. Another chance. Well, the first thing? I want you to get the fuck off your knees, and stand up for yourself!!!"
" Huh?" Buffy says, surprised.
" Huh?" Willow is also surprised.
" God, Buffy," Faith shakes her head, and turns around, smiling, " you screwed up. Well, big Whoop girl. Ummm... need I remind you I kinda have my own things I'm not proud of. How 'bout you, Will? Ever make a mistake?"
" Ummm..." Willow, finally getting it, plays along, " Oh, maybe one or two..."
Buffy, back on her feet, stares at the both of them.
" Buffy, I'm not gonna say everything's ok. It really isn't. But you can make it right, simply by acting like an adult, and thinking before you do stupid ass stuff like last night. Oh, and here's a tip. Wanna stop screwing up? Well, Stop it! See, easy? Just start taking responsibility for yourself, and maybe you won't go doing the stupid, get it?"
Buffy nods. She looks at Faith.
" So, you're not mad with me, then?" She asks hopefully.
" Did I say that?" Faith asks.
" No, " Buffy says, deflating.
" I'll get over it, " Faith says, half smiling. Her expression turns serious. " I think we have something more important to talk about, don't you?"
" Oh, yeah, " Buffy says, looking away. She can't really look at her.
" Did you mean what you said last night?" Faith asks, her tone gentle.
" Yes," Buffy replies, softly." I'm sorry."
" Don't be sorry, Buffy, " Faith says, gently, " you can't help who you love. I know that."
Buffy stands silent, not looking at either one of them.
" Buffy, look at me, " Faith says.
Buffy shakes her head.
" Look at me, Buffy!" Faith uses a more commanding tone.
Buffy looks up, her eyes bright.
" B, I don't want to hurt you. You know that, right?"

Buffy nods, not trusting her voice.
" Buffy, I'm sorry. I just don't feel that way about you. I love Willow. She's my everything."
" I know," Buffy says, her voice breaking.
" I love you like a sister, Buffy. It hurts me to see you hurt. But, there's nothing I can do, you understand?"
Buffy nods. She's not sobbing, but the tears are rolling down her eyes. She rubs at them, trying to hide her pain.
" C'mere, Buffy," Faith says, gently. Buffy shuffles over, head down. Faith gently chucks her under the chin, raising her face. The tears are still rolling, she can't stop them.
" I'll do whatever I can to help, Buffy. But I can't say anything to make it better. It's gonna hurt, and I can't take that away. I'm sorry, I really wish I could." Buffy pulls away, and looks down.
Faith looks up, and sees Kira standing at the top of the stares, looking down. She gestures for her to come join them.
" Thank you," Buffy says, quietly.
" I'm sorry?" Faith is puzzled.
" For not hating me." Buffy says.
" Don't be a moron, you idiot." Faith smiles. Willow is also crying, softly, and comes over and puts her arms around Buffy.
" How could we hate you, you dope?" Willow says.
" I think this calls for ice cream, myself, " Faith says, trying to break the mood. " Hey, B, know anybody who likes ice cream?"
Buffy can't help it. She giggles, and looks up. A small, sad smile on her face.
" Oh yeah, I think I do." She says. " I'll go get her."
" No need, itty-bitty. I'm already here." Kira says, walking up. She takes over for Willow, holding onto Buffy. Buffy leans against her.
"So, what say? My treat?" Faith says, smiling. General agreement noises. " Yeah, figures."
"Bring lot's of money. Kira will eat the place out , if you let her," Buffy cracks. Kira punches her. " Ow!"
" Faith Lehane?" A voice from the lobby doors calls out.
" Yes?" Faith looks up, seeing a youngish man standing at the entry.
" The Triad sends its regards." He raises a gun.
Everything seems to go into slow motion. Faith pushes Willow down, to protect her, then starts to hop the counter. Buffy pushes Kira away.
Flashes go through Buffy's mind. Of a time, years ago, in her backyard in Sunnydale. Warren Mears with a gun. Tara dying, Willow turning dark. Her whole world going upside down.

-Not again. I won't let it happen again!-

All this flashes through her mind in less than a second. She's already off towards the gunman. Faith is just getting landing on the other side of the counter when he fires.

Buffy leaps at him, trying to deflect his hand. Too late, she hears the gun go off. Too late.

The bullet hits her, and she's thrown back and down, landing on the ground. A bloom of blood appears on her sweater.

"Nooooooooooooooo!!!!" the cry seems to come from the depths of Willow as she sees Buffy fall.

" Noooooooooooooooo!!!" Kira cries, her anguish total. Not thinking about her safety, she runs to where Buffy is lying on the ground.

Faith hits the gunman like a ton of bricks. She quickly wrenches the gun away, and starts whaling on him. She's crying, and hitting him over and over.

" Faith...Faith... stop... you'll kill him!" Willow cries, rushing to her, trying to stop Faith.

" So? I WANT TO KILL HIM!" Faith cries out, pummeling on him.

" No...Faith... stop." Willow uses a spell, and throws Faith off the unconscious assassin. " Don't kill him."

" Why? Why'd you stop me?" Faith cries out, hunched over.

" Because, " Willow says, looking up. Her voice drops an octave. Her eyes are solid black, " We've got to find out who sent him!"
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

To be continued.
- 21
- 22
- 23
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Independence