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The Birthday Present	By : SpikesEvilbint Category: Angel the Series > Slash - Male/Male Views: 10088 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Chapter Twenty-One

�Angel,� said Buffy, looking at Spike sharply. �You know Angel?�

Spike cringed away from her stare. �Yes � no � I don�t know. It just seemed�� What? Familiar? Terrifying? He shook his head and dropped his eyes to his hands. He gripped the wrist of his left with his right hand in an attempt to stop them both from trembling. He hated what he had become. �I dunno,� he finished lamely.

When Buffy covered his hands with her own, he jumped as if scalded but didn�t pull away.

�Spike. It�s okay. Don�t push trying to get all of your memories back or even to make sense of what you do remember. It�ll just take time.�

He lifted his eyes to meet hers. �Can you fix me?� he whispered.

�We�re here to help you, Spike,� replied Buffy, unwilling to give him the answer that he so desperately needed. How could she say yes when she wasn�t sure that it was possible? The tiny bit of trust he had for her would be gone and with it any chance of him being okay.

Spike sighed and held her gaze for a moment. He nodded slightly as if he�d heard her thoughts. He knew that Buffy didn�t know if they could undo the damage, but as he stared in to her eyes, he knew that she would do everything that she could for him. He pulled one hand free and touched his legs.

�Can you fix these now? Don�t care if it hurts � just hate�� He impatiently swiped his arm across his face. Would he ever stop crying like a ponce?

Buffy squeezed his hands. �I�ll go and have a word with Willow and see if she�s ready to do it, okay?�

�Okay, but please��

�I know, Spike. I�ll let her know how strongly you feel about it being done.�

�Thanks,� he mumbled.

�Just rest up and I�ll be back soon,� said Buffy.

She ran a hand over Spike�s hair as she stood up. She was heartened by the fact that he leaned in to her touch albeit briefly.

Spike watched her go. His stomach rumbled loudly, he was very hungry but knew that he was only given food when it suited his owners. His head hurt. He knew that she wasn�t his owner � Lindsey was. Spike wondered if Lindsey was looking for him? Was he missing him? Spike tried to shift his ass on the bed, his hand reached tentatively for his erection.

Should I do it? She said that I should when it was hard.

Spike sighed as he gripped his shaft and began to pump. He thought of how Lindsey would do it for him and found that he ached for his touch. Within a couple of minutes, he�d brought himself to a climax. His spendings coated his hand and belly. He�d pushed the sweat pants down for ease of access but he had dirtied his t-shirt. He looked in horror at the spreading wet patch. Not supposed to get it on clothes. He glanced around the room anxiously but there was nothing within reach that he could use to mop it up with. He brought his left hand to his mouth and licked it clean and then tried to do the same with the t-shirt. He growled and ripped the t-shirt from his body, eyes blazing yellow, when he realised what he was doing, the unconscious act enraging him as his mind momentarily cleared. Spike threw the shirt as far as he could.

Licking spunk off a sodding t-shirt! Is this what I�ve become? Fucking disgusting!

Spike twisted his torso so that he could bury his face in his pillow to try to stop the others from hearing his sobs. He wished that he was just back with Lindsey � before he�d given him away for the weekend. Least then he knew what he had to do and nothing felt wrong. The glimpses of what he should be like, of life before the program, just added to his distress.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Spike was bored. He�d cried until he had no tears left. He still couldn�t make any more sense of the jumbled mess of memories that he had. Every time that he thought of Lindsey he had become aroused. He�d tried to ignore his erection but in the end he had resorted to repeatedly wanking off. Being careful to catch all his spendings and hating himself when he cleaned himself up in the only way that he could, without risking punishment for getting the sheets dirty � too afraid to do otherwise.

He felt empty � he needed to be fucked. To be filled up. He�d fingered his puckered hole and had been dismayed to find no plug at all. It would hurt, but he still wanted to be filled with a hard cock. Why had they taken it out? Had they told him? Was it because they were female?

It seemed like hours later that Buffy returned to the basement, Willow was with her.

�Spike? Are you sure that you�re ready for this?� asked Willow, carefully avoiding looking directly at the stains on the crotch of Spike�s pants.

Spike guiltily whipped his hand from his softening cock. He wasn�t sure what to do with the sticky mess on his hand. He kept his eyes down and nodded mutely.

Willow glanced at Buffy. Both would rather wait at least another day but were worried that Spike wasn�t improving at all. Buffy walked to the shower room in the corner of the basement and returned with a towel.

�Use this,� she said softly.

Spike�s troubled eyes met hers. �W�What f�for?�

�To get clean, okay?�

�Okay,� said Spike, taking the towel and vigorously wiping his left hand on it. He looked at Buffy helplessly when he�d used it. What should he do with it? She took it from him and put it a laundry basket near the washing machine.

�So,� said Willow. �Are you ready?�

�Y�yes.�

�Right, I need to put you to sleep so that I can access the chip ��

�No!� cried Spike, before cowering as far away from Willow as he could get. Bound to be punished for shouting at an owner.

�Hey, Spike, it�s okay, I�m not angry. But I need to put you to sleep for the procedure. It�s too dangerous to do it while you�re awake. If you moved, even slightly it could be disastrous,� said Willow.

�But ��

�No, Spike,� said Buffy sitting on the edge of the cot. �You�ll be safe. Nothing will happen to you while you�re asleep. Just what you want Willow to do. I promise.�

�P�p�promise?�

�I do. So are you okay to let Willow put a sleeping spell on you?�

Spike nodded, his eyes never leaving Buffy�s. He wanted to believe her.

Willow recited a short Latin phrase and Spike fell into a deep and dreamless sleep. She looked up at Buffy. �This is going to take some time, better get comfortable.�

�I just hope that you can reverse the shut down, I�m not sure that we�re equipped to deal with a vampire who can�t walk,� said Buffy.

�I�ll do my best, Buff,� replied Willow.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Lindsey walked along the hallway towards the apartment he shared with Spike. He felt nervous as he put his key in to the lock.

Don�t be stupid. Nothing to worry about. He won�t remember a thing and he�ll probably be sitting there with a hard on when I get inside.

Lindsey was grinning as he pushed open the door. God, he couldn�t wait to push into Spike�s tight little ass. He hoped that his dad hadn�t left too big a plug in Spike. He wanted Spike to feel his cock � to yell with every thrust. Lindsey was in danger of spilling his load in his pants at the thought. He hadn�t gone without sex for as long as this since he had owned Spike.

�Spike! I�m home! Time to play!�

He turned the lights on and walked to the lounge area. Funny that Spike hadn�t got the TV on. Lindsey had told him off for watching it too much, but he never thought that the little vamp would be able to resist a TV marathon once he got home. Lindsey turned to the bedroom.

The eager little slut is ready and waiting.

Lindsey pulled off his shirt as he walked quickly to the bedroom; he frowned when he found this was in darkness too. Not wanting to spoil the mood he made his way to the bed without flicking the light switch.

�What�s with the darkness, Spike? You know that I like to see your face when I fuck you.�

When there was no reply, Lindsey impatiently put the light on and cursed when he saw the empty bed.

�The bastard! He promised to have Spike back before I got home.�

Lindsey marched out of the bedroom and to the telephone in the kitchen. He noticed the answer machine was flashing as his hand went to pick up the phone. He pushed the button to hear the message.

�Lindsey. It�s your father. Call me immediately. We have a problem.�

Lindsey�s blood ran cold. Spike. Something had happened to Spike.

Crap! Was stupid to make the deal with him in the first place.

He�d spent the weekend hating the thought of his father touching Spike. He looked around the apartment � was it worth it? He dialled his parents� home. His dad answered almost before it had time to ring.

�Hello?� McDonald snapped.

�Dad, it�s me. What�s going on? Where�s Spike? Is he okay?� babbled Lindsey.

�For Christ�s sake, stop with all the questions. I�ll come to the apartment � your mother is home so I can�t talk here.�

With that McDonald hung up.

�Fuck!� yelled Lindsey.

What had happened? What if Spike were dust? His dad would never pay for another and if he did he wouldn�t let him have the upgrades from Warren again. He walked back to where he�d discarded his shirt, picked it up from the floor and put it back on, fastening the buttons as he returned to the kitchen. He switched the kettle on and sat at the counter waiting for his father to arrive.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Spike woke up two hours after Willow had finished working on the chip. In the end it had taken her most of the day but she was reasonably sure that she had reversed the partial shut down. She had deepened the sleeping spell in the hope that Spike would be oblivious of the worse of the pain.

Spike opened his eyes and then squeezed them shut again. Even the dim light in the basement was too bright. The pain in his head was so intense that it was all that he was aware of. He curled his body up in to a foetal position, wrapping his hands around his head in the vain hope that it would take the pain away. He knew what this pain meant. His body knew what this pain meant. He couldn�t talk. Couldn�t hear. Could no longer resist what was being done. They�d won. The bastards had finally won.

Buffy watched anxiously as Spike drew himself up into a ball.

Good job with the legs, Will.

She watched him for a further thirty minutes before deciding that she�d go to get him some more blood. He only had half a cup so far today and she knew that the more he managed to take, the quicker that he would heal. She didn�t want to startle him by shouting upstairs.

Spike opened his eyes again, and this time the light no longer seared. He glanced around the room.

Why aren�t I in the white room? Is this a new test?

He swung his feet to the floor and then swivelled his head around to see if anyone had noticed his movement. But the chip hadn�t fired so maybe he�d been told to do it but just couldn�t remember? That had happened before. Least when he was in the white room he knew that he was going to be tested. He stared in horror at the sweatpants that he was wearing.

Toys don�t wear clothes.

One of first things taught. No clothes. No hiding your genitals. Not yours to hide. Spike frantically tried to remember being told to wear them. He couldn�t and began to pant.

Sure to be punished.

Buffy walked down the stairs and was surprised to see Spike sitting with his feet on the floor. She smiled as she thought that he was just desperate to move them again.

�Hey, Spike. How are you doing?� she said.

Spike didn�t react. Buffy walked up to him and touched his arm. He shuddered slightly but still didn�t look at her or speak.

�Spike? Are you all right?�

Still nothing. Alarmed, she knelt down so that her face was level with his. She cupped his chin in her right hand and forced it upwards until their eyes met.

�Look at me. Is it your head? Does your head really hurt bad?�

Now, Spike was totally confused. Where was that voice in his head that told him what to do? He had read her lips but without the voice telling him to look at her he let his gaze slide out of focus. Lip reading was not allowed. Should he do what she had said even though the voice hadn�t told him to? Had he heard the female in front of him? Not supposed to hear. He was close to panic and slid from the bed and took the shut down position, willing the oblivion to claim him. Maybe if she shut him down then the voice would be back to tell him what to do? Perhaps she�d lost the controller?

�Spike! What are you doing?� yelled Buffy.

He ignored her and squatted down on his haunches, wrapped his arms around his legs, lowered his head to his knees and closed his eyes. If they knew that he could hear they�d hurt him again.

�Oh God! Willow! Something�s gone wrong!� Buffy shouted up the stairs. �I need your help!�

Willow ran down the stairs in response to Buffy�s call. Oz had been with here in the kitchen but she�d told him to stay there. Not knowing what the problem was, she didn�t want him to see Spike. She groaned when she saw Spike had put himself in the total shutdown position. He�d regressed even from the little bit of progress he�d made so far. It was accessing the chip. The pain of it being reprogrammed was too familiar a reminder of his training.

Willow knelt down next to Spike and Buffy.

�What�s gone wrong, Willow?� asked Buffy. For some reason � probably the level of abuse that he�d suffered � this vampire had got under her skin. She acutely felt for him.

Willow looked at Spike carefully. She could see him trembling and so knew that it wasn�t a chip ordered shut down. He would be immobile if that were the case. He must just be terrified of being here. She glanced around and picked up the remote control for the small TV that they kept for their vampires to watch.

�Spike,� she said clearly, she pressed one of the buttons. �I have activated you and you are now voice responsive.�

Buffy shuffled back a pace as Spike abruptly stood up.

�Willow? What�s going on? Is the chip controlling him again?� she asked.

Willow got to her feet and shook her head. �No, but he thinks it is. It�s the only way he has of feeling safe.�

�Safe? After what has happened to him?� Buffy said incredulously. �How can that possibly make him feel safe?�

Willow glanced down at her friend. �It stops the pain, Buffy. If he does as he�s told he won�t be hurt. Waking up to the pain I inflicted by accessing the chip has maybe, made him think that he�s back in the program, or at least with an owner.�

Voice controlled now. No voice in my head. Not wrong to hear them.

Spike stood waiting for further instructions.

�Spike,� said Willow gently. �You can sit down on the bed.�

Not a command. Trick. No fooling Spike. Not again.

Buffy stood up. �It wasn�t a direct order, Will.�

�Damn,� said Willow. �Was hoping that he�d respond anyway.� She turned to Buffy. �He�s so badly broken, Buffy, and I think that I�ve made it worse.� She looked back at Spike. �Spike, sit on the bed.�

Spike sat down. He kept his eyes downcast.

Don�t stare at the owner.

Willow pulled up a chair and sat down facing Spike. She took one of his hands in hers. Spike watched it curiously, tilting his head very slightly before remembering that he hadn�t been told to move and then he froze.

Don�t move unless told. I know that. No more pain please.

�Spike, I want you to look at me.� Willow paused until his eyes met her own. �I am going to give you some orders and I want you to nod if you understand them, okay?�

Spike didn�t move but just gazed at her.

�You will move around this room as you want. You do not need to be ordered before moving ever again. Understand?�

Spike�s eyes had widened as she spoke but he tentatively nodded his head.

�You can touch yourself or any of the people you meet here, without being ordered to. Understand?�

Again a small nod.

Willow looked up to Buffy, who was standing next to her. �What else do I need to tell him?�

�Um�that he can ask for food. That he can talk to us,� she suggested.

Spike let his gaze move to Buffy. Talk? But toys don�t talk back � ever!

�Spike, did you understand what Buffy said?� asked Willow.

Spike nodded once more.

�Tell me that you understand.�

Spike began to pant. What if I can�t talk? Was fixed so can�t talk. No more pain, please. A tear ran down his face. He opened his mouth and almost inaudibly whispered. �Understand.�

Willow squeezed his hand. �Well done, Spike.� She smiled at him.

He gave her a ghost of a smile in return. Can talk! His stomach rumbled loudly. He glanced at it and then up at first Willow, and then Buffy. Said to ask for food. He swallowed hard. �Hungry,� he said quietly, dropping his gaze as he spoke.

The girls looked at each other in delight. �I�ll go and get you some blood. Won�t be long,� said Buffy.

Spike watched her run up the stairs. He put his free hand to his head and met Willow�s eyes. �Hurts. Don�t r�remember b�being bad.�

�Oh, Spike,� said Willow. �You haven�t been bad, sweetie. Your legs weren�t working � do you remember that?�

Spike squinted as he tried to think but it just hurt too much to concentrate on his memories. He shook his head. �C�can�t t�think. Hurts.�

�Well, your legs are fine now and your head will stop hurting soon, I promise.�

�No p�pain?�

Willow nodded. �No pain soon.�

Spike managed a broader smile in response to her promise. He turned his attention to Buffy as she came back down carrying two large mugs of steaming blood. The smell made Spike want to vamp out but he concentrated hard to prevent it.

Not told to show demon�s face � good toys don�t show it unless told.

Spike tilted his head and twisted to face Buffy, offering her his neck. She passed one of the mugs to Willow and cupped his chin. �You drink it now. No more tubes.� Buffy guessed that the smell of the blood would be calling to his demon. �You can show your other face whenever you like. Don�t wait to be told.�

Buffy had barely got the words out of her mouth before Spike�s face shifted and his amber eyes stared at the mug in her hand. She hoped that if he took lots of blood that his fangs would grow back. She hated to see them barely erupting from his gums. She gave him a mug and he brought it up to his mouth, licking his lips before drinking it rapidly. She was glad that she�d put it in the training cups as he still managed to dribble some down his chin. She shook her head, appalled at a creature so screwed with by humans that he was almost incapable of feeding properly.

The tang of the blood in his mouth prompted memories to flood through Spike�s pain addled brain. He stared at the two girls when he finished his second mug.

�Safe,� he whispered, still not quite sure why he felt that way.

�Yes, Spike. You�re safe,� said Willow firmly. �I think that you will feel better if you have a nap now, don�t you?�

Spike nodded his head. He felt very tired. He gave his mug back to Buffy, lay down on the bed and curled up on his side.

Willow touched Buffy�s arm. �Come on; let him rest. Hopefully he�ll have remembered more when he wakes up.�

�At least he feels safe,� said Buffy as they walked out of the basement.

Oz was anxiously pacing back and forth in the kitchen; he whipped around when the door opened.

�How is he?� he asked as soon as he saw the girls.

Willow sighed. �I just wish that I�d been able to make him sleep for longer, and then he wouldn�t have had to go through what he has.�

Buffy put her arm around her friend�s shoulder. �It�s not your fault, Will. He seemed to have settled down again. He�s just in a mess � big time. It�s going to be harder for him than any of the others. I wish that I could find the person who did those illegal upgrades on him � that�s what has made things so bad for him � he has no real sense of identity left.�

�Is there anything I can do?" said Oz. "I wish I�d realised what was going on before�before�� He shook his head at the thought of the abuse Spike had suffered. �I mean, I always felt there was something a bit off about him.�

�Look,� said Buffy impatiently. �Will everyone stop trying to take the blame or feel responsible for what�s happened to Spike? The guilty ones are The Initiative for creating such a freaking awful program and the people sick enough to go and buy one!�

�Like my friend, Lindsey,� said Oz quietly.

Buffy looked at him sharply. �There is something that you can do.�

Oz looked up. �What?�

�Go home and see if Lindsey gets in touch with you. You might be able to find out if they are trying to find Spike or if they have reported him as missing to the cops and The Initiative.�

Oz shuddered at the thought of talking to Lindsey. What would his friend do if he knew his own little secret? What if the program began including werewolves?

�Okay, I will go. Promise that you�ll keep letting me know how Spike is.�

�We will, Oz,� replied Willow.

As soon as Oz had left, Buffy reached for the telephone.

�Who are you calling?� asked Willow.

�Angel,� replied Buffy. �When I mentioned him to Spike earlier, he seemed like he recognised the name. When you first brought Spike here I felt like I had heard of him too � so maybe Angel will be able to tell me more.�

�Good idea,� said Willow.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Lindsey got up from the couch and glared at his father as he walked into the apartment.

�Christ, couldn�t you even knock?� snapped Lindsey referring to the fact that McDonald had used the key to let himself in.

He sneered at his son. �Why wouldn�t I use the key � it is my apartment. I paid for its rent.�

�I live here � not you. And using Spike was payback. Where is he?�

�Gone,� stated McDonald baldly.

Lindsey felt sick. Gone! Dust! Oh God, Spike�s dead. He clenched his fists, and fought back the tears that stung his eyes. �Why did you kill him?�

McDonald regarded his son with contempt. Look at him, crying over a fucking toy! Just like when I broke his little red fire-truck when he was seven. �He�s not dead. Though he will be if I get my hands on him again. Showing me up like that in front of the boys. No, he escaped.�

�Escaped? How was he able to? With the drugs he shouldn�t have cared�oh, God! You didn�t dope him did you?� Lindsey stepped angrily towards his father, right fist raised. �You promised! You bastard.� He threw a wild punch at him.

McDonald ducked under the punch and jabbed his fist into Lindsey�s abdomen, watching with satisfaction as his son collapsed, gasping, to the floor.

�You will never use language like that to me again,� he snarled. �Nor will you question what I do with any property I have bought. Whether it is this apartment or that remote controlled vampire.�

McDonald held his hand out to his son, who after a moment�s hesitation took it and let his father help him to his feet. Lindsey stood with his right arm protectively across his stomach, and didn�t straighten up completely.

�So what did you want to tell me?� he wheezed, trying and failing to look his dad in the eyes.

�Let�s sit down; no need for this to be uncomfortable.�

Lindsey glanced at his father. Was he for real? He followed his dad and sat on an armchair when McDonald took the couch.

�The vampire performed really well on the first night. The boys were very impressed with what he could take. I swear that Randy is hung like a mule and yet he didn�t tear the toy up much at all. His own vamp can�t sit down anymore because he can never prepare the thing properly before he fucks it,� McDonald chuckled. �But I knew that he�d want the first go in front of everybody � the fool thought that he�d rip the ass out of Spike and ruin the night�s entertainment, so I put in a huge plug. Mind you the little vamp would have screamed a bit if he hadn�t been gagged.�

Lindsey tried hard not to show how much he hated what his father was saying. Poor Spike. He glanced at his dad; he felt afraid of him. He�d never raised a hand to Lindsey before. But then, Lindsey hadn�t known that he�d been going for �boys� nights in� where the entertainment wasn�t playing poker but fucking vampires. Like you have done. A little voice sounded in his mind. No, not the same. I treated Spike well; he loves me. Lindsey tried to dispel the unsettling thoughts that he was actually just like his father.

�So, how did he escape?� asked Lindsey nervously.

�The little shit ripped out one of those rings in his hands. I�ll sue the woman who recommended them. If I�d�ve used chains as I normally would have done, he wouldn�t have gotten away. I went round the neighbourhood and tried to find him. He was butt naked so I thought I�d have no trouble finding him. Even went to that little friend of yours � what�s he called�� He snapped his fingers a couple of times.

�Oz?� supplied Lindsey.

�Oz, yeah, that�s it. He wasn�t home though. I partially shut Spike down. Not sure how he�s avoided being caught for so long with him not being able to walk. I thought he�d soon get reported by someone. I�ll have to notify The Initiative in the morning.� McDonald made Lindsey jump as he thumped the arm of the couch. �That�s a call I�m not looking forward to. They won�t be happy about one of their toys going AWOL.�

Lindsey was hit by an image of Spike lying in some dirty alley, unable to move and all alone. He had to bite his lip to keep from sobbing. A glance at his father showed him that his emotions had been spotted.

�When I get him back, he will be kept in my basement. He will be put back to being controlled by the box. I don�t mind the fact that he can speak or show facial expressions � adds so much more pleasure when you can hear and see what your attentions are achieving. You can come and use him when the boys are there but not on your own. In fact, you can join us on our weekly gatherings starting next weekend. It�s Martin�s turn to host. He has a couple of them. I don�t know how much he paid for the one, but it�s a female. So we always like it when it�s Martin�s turn. We get a live porn show when he makes the two of them fuck and then we can go at them any way we like.� McDonald smiled wistfully. �Might have to see about getting a female myself.�

Lindsey shuddered at he thought of attending one of those evenings, but was wise enough to stay silent.

�So I�ll contact the manufacturers and see what happens,� said McDonald. �I won�t mention the illegal upgrades because they won�t try to trace it if they knew about them, and I figure they have the best chance of tracking the fucker down.�

McDonald stood up, and Lindsey tried not to flinch at the sudden movement.

�Well. I�d better get home to your mother. I�ll let you know what The Initiative says when I speak to them. Night, son.�

�Er�goodnight, Dad,� replied Lindsey.

McDonald nodded to his son and let himself out. Lindsey felt numb. He couldn�t believe what had happened. He never thought that his father would hit him. Or be so sexually depraved. Lindsey wasn�t sure whether he wanted Spike to be found or not.

Tbc

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The Birthday Present