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Gardens of Oblivion	By : addielogan Category: > Buffy/Spike(William) > Buffy/Spike(William) Views: 12475 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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�I want you to
turn me.�

For a moment, all
Spike could do was stare at her, his body still as he tried to process what
he�d just heard. She couldn�t have said�

He looked up,
found her eyes in the darkness, and knew that she had.

Spike jumped up
from the bed, moving away from her, his hands in front of him. �Buffy, no. No.
You�you don�t want this. I don�t want this.�

Buffy looked at him,
hurt clear in her expression. �You�you don�t want me like that?�

�No, but not for
why you�re thinking,� Spike replied, shaking his head as he spoke. �It�� He
paused, trying to find the words to talk her out of this. She didn�t know what she was asking for� �Turning isn�t like how
you think.�

�I don�t care,�
Buffy said, taking a step towards him. �I don�t care what it�s like, I don�t
care what you have to do to me, or what it makes me become. I just want you to
do it.�

�Buffy,
listen to me. You�re not thinking
clearly,� Spike argued. �What happened with Riley�
You�re upset.�

�I am upset, but
it�s not�it�s not just Riley. If it was just Riley, I�I think maybe I could
learn to understand,� Buffy tried to explain, wanting him to know why this was
what she had to do. �I don�t know what happened between the two of you, but I�m
sure he wasn�t passive in the whole thing. The way he�s been acting recently�those
burns on you� You could give me a reason, an excuse, and I would believe you.�

Buffy stopped for
a moment, taking a deep breath to help her through the rest of what she had to
say. �But it wasn�t just Riley, was it, Spike? The�the police said tonight that
Riley�s wounds matched ones they�ve been finding on dead girls in the area. You
did that, too, didn�t you? You�you kill when you feed.�

�I never said I
didn�t. You may have assumed I didn�t, but I never said it. It�s�it�s what I
am, Buffy,� Spike argued, though he knew he�d known all along what she�d chosen
to believe and had done nothing to correct her before.

�I know. I
understand that now.� She moved closer to him, joining him in the moonlight.
Though Spike could see tears shining in her eyes, her face was calm, almost
stoic. As if she had resigned herself to a fate. �That�s why I need you to do
this.�

Spike took hold
of her arms, touching her for the first time since she�d made her terrible
request of him. �Buffy, listen to me. I turn you, and you�re no longer you. Not like you are now anyway. Your
soul will be gone and there will be a demon in its place. The way you feel, the
way you see things � it�s all going to change. You�re going to change.�

�I know,� Buffy
replied, though she swallowed hard. �I�I want to change.�

Spike gave her a
heartbreaking smile and ran his knuckles softly over her cheek. �But I don�t
want you to change, luv.�

Buffy reached up
and took his hand, bringing it away from her face but keeping it wrapped in
hers. �I have to, Spike. I can�t go back to who I was before I met you, and��
She stopped, the tears that had been forming coming in
earnest now. �I can�t stay with you like I am. I�I tried to pretend that you
weren�t what you are, but I�ve seen it now. It�s too real now, and I can�t� I
can�t be with you and be who I am now. I can only be with you if I�m like
you. If you don�t do this, you�re going to lose me, Spike.�

�I�ll lose you if
I do,� Spike replied, pulling his hand from hers. �You�ll be different. You
won�t want me anymore. You won�t care about me anymore.�

�Yes, I will,�
Buffy insisted. �I know I will,
Spike.�

�No, you don�t
know that. You don�t know what it�s like. You don�t know how it changes you �
what it turns you into.�

�But you can
still love, right?� Buffy asked. �You�you love me, so�so you can still love.�

He looked down,
though Buffy saw the signs of a painful memory flickering in his eyes. �Sometimes.�

Buffy moved close
to him again, taking one hand back in hers and placing her other hand against
his cheek. �I�ll still love you, William. I know I will.�

He turned sharply
at her declaration, searching her face. �You�you love me?�

Buffy nodded,
stroking his face with her thumb, the gentle touch reinforcing her words. The
realization had surprised her, but she knew it was true all the same. Even after
learning the truth about what he was, her heart still ached with a need to be
with him. �I do. I know�I know it�s fast, and it�s
crazy, but�but I know I love you, too. I wouldn�t be standing here asking you
for this if I didn�t love you � if I didn�t think you were worth taking a
chance on forever. But I also realized today that we can�t go on like this. I�m
not a part of your world, and you�re not a part of mine. And�and since you
can�t step back into the light with me, then the only choice I have is to go
into the dark with you.�

�I don�t want to
do this to you, Buffy,� he said, though she could hear in his voice that he was
giving in � or maybe giving up.

�I know. But we
don�t have a choice anymore.�

�It�s really the
only way I can keep you?� Spike asked, his voice
small.

She knew what
this was doing to him, could see how deeply what she was asking of him hurt
him, but� �Can you think of another?� Buffy asked softly.

For a long
moment, Spike was still and silent before he finally shook his head. �No.�

Buffy pushed her
hair back, exposing her neck, already marred by his fangs, to the pale moonlight.
�Then do it. Please, Spike. I need you to.�

Spike pulled her
into his arms and lowered his mouth to her neck. He lingered there, his lips
against his old marks before he let out a choked sob. �I can�t. I�m sorry,
Buffy� I can�t. I can�t.�

Buffy ran her hand
up his back and into his hair, gently holding him there at her neck. �It�s okay, William. It�s okay. I promise you, it�s all going
to be okay.�

He shook his head
against her skin, his body feeling nearly limp against hers. Buffy stroked the
back of his hair, cooing softly against him. Eventually, he stood up straight
and met her eyes again, deciding to try a final time to talk her out of this.
�You don�t know what my world is like, Buffy. You�you don�t know how to live in
it.�

�Then you�ll show
me.�

He shook his head
again, wanting to deny the entire moment. �You�you�re so warm, Buffy. You�ll lose that. You�ll be dead.� He looked down at
the ground, away from her eyes. �You�ll be dead like me.�

Buffy reached out
and touched his face, guiding him to look at her again. �You�re not dead when
you�re with me, Spike. We�we won�t be dead as long as we�re together.�

He trembled
against her hand. �Buffy��

�Will�will you
still love me like that?� she asked softly.

�Yes. I� Nothing
could make me stop loving you. Nothing.�

�Then we�ll have
each other.� She stepped closer to him and pressed her lips against his ear.
�You�ll never be alone again.�

He shook against
her and let out a soft, strangled cry. Buffy turned his face towards her and
kissed him, pleading this time without words for him to let them take the only
chance they had left anymore. When she felt his body loosen, his resistance
slip away, she led him over to the bed, pulling him down with her on the
mattress so his body lay over hers.

Spike pressed his
face against her neck, breathing in her scent. He�d known from the moment she�d
asked him to turn her that he was going to do it, even if he didn�t want to. He
didn�t want to lose her, but the offer she was making � the chance to truly
have her forever � was too tempting for him to pass up.

But the fear�the
fear was still strong. He�d seen first hand how turnings could go wrong, and
while his heart held onto the hope that when she opened her eyes for the first
time as a vampire, they�d hold the same spark of love he saw in them now, he
couldn�t find it in him to truly believe that would be the case. However, he
also knew she was right when she said they couldn�t go back and they couldn�t
continue on like nothing had changed. Not now that she knew everything.

Buffy wasn�t part
of his world, and he certainly couldn�t live in hers. He�d proven that today.
Their only chance was for him to bring her into his.

He wished he
could make love to her now, to ease the pain and fear that came with turning.
He wanted to sink inside of her and feel her warmth one last time, to listen to
her rapid heartbeat and feel her pulsing all around him. He wanted to savor it
all, to imprint it on his memory for when he woke without her heat. But he
couldn�t, his body frozen with the horror of what he had to do and the fear of whom
she would be when it was over.

Instead, he slid
his hand up her skirt, his heart breaking as he remembered the last time he�d
done this, only that afternoon. It seemed like a lifetime ago now, and he
wished he could take it all back, have the afternoon to do over again so he
could keep her just as she had been then. But it was too late now, and he shut
his eyes tight, focusing on the task at hand instead of the aching in his
chest.

He pumped two
fingers inside of her as he rubbed her clit with his thumb, knowing just what
to do to bring her rapidly towards orgasm despite her own mental distress. She
clutched his forearm, tiny, choked gasps coming from her as she spiraled
towards release. Spike wanted to detach himself from the moment, and he tried
to perform the actions mechanically, thinking only about what was necessary to
turn someone and not the person he was turning.

He heard her
breath hitch, felt her clench tightly around his fingers, and he dove at her
neck, biting hard and pulling deep. She screamed in a mix of pleasure and pain,
and Spike tried to block it out as he drank until she hovered on the brink of
death.

Yet when he
pulled up, all detachment ceased. Buffy was staring at him with glassy,
almost-lifeless eyes, her normally golden skin pale. He sobbed, shaking his
head in denial of what he was seeing, of what he had done.

She tried to
raise her hand towards him, but she was too weak, and it quickly fell back to
the mattress. He stared at her, frozen, his entire body rebelling against
finishing this. It was too late to go back now, but if he took the last step,
would that only make things worse in the long run?

Then, she met his
eyes, and though so much of the light was gone from then, they were still hers. Her mouth curved in a soft, small
smile before she whispered one word.

William�

His whole body
shuddered as he lifted his wrist to his mouth, his fangs slicing his own skin
before he brought it to her lips. They parted, his blood running between them
as she drank. Then, a sigh rattled through her body and her eyes closed.

The room grew
silent, the comforting sound of her heartbeat coming to a stop.

Spike gathered
her into his arms and wept.

*** *** ***

That chapter took
a lot out of me to write, so feedback would really be appreciated.
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Gardens of Oblivion