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Need	By : addielogan Category: > Buffy/Spike(William) > Buffy/Spike(William) Views: 19394 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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William spent most of the day Friday trying
to come up with a way to get Buffy back. He rejected every plan that come to
his mind, nothing seeming to be quite the right way to convince Buffy that he
wanted her for more than sex and that her past wasn't something he was going to
let come between them.
Finally, he accepted what he needed to do.
In some ways it was the simplest plan, but it also felt like the most
difficult.
He had to tell Buffy that he loved her.
The idea had him in a near panic, even as he
tried to look at it rationally. He'd already lost her, so it wasn't as if it
could really ruin the relationship further. Maybe it would actually work in his
favor and Buffy would want his love�would want to stay with him.
And maybe she would throw his declaration
back in his face the same way Cecily had.
It was that fear that made William keep
hesitating. Cecily's rejection had hurt, but he knew Buffy's would be a
thousand times worse. If she laughed at him and mocked his feelings he didn't
think he'd be able to take it.
But would Buffy do that? Was that the kind
of woman he had spent the past week with, that he had
fallen in love with? He remembered all the times Buffy had urged him to believe
in himself, to be strong, to stop thinking he was nothing. No, Buffy wasn't at
all cold-hearted like Cecily.
Finally, William had his mind firmly set. He
would go to her right then, tell her how he felt. Buffy had made him a man
It was time he started acting like one.

***
*** ***
William took a deep breath when the front
door of Buffy's house started to open, telling himself that he could do this�that
he had to do this. He looked up at
the man who had answered the door, taking a deep breath before he spoke,
"Mr. Giles�I do apologize for the late hour, but it is important that I
speak with Buffy."
Giles had hoped William would come through
after all, and he was certain that's why he was there then. He had every bit
the look of a lovesick boy desperate to win back the object of his affections.
"I'm sorry, William, Buffy isn't here. She's attending a party with a
school friend of hers, a Miss Willow Rosenberg."
"Oh," William said,
his disappointment obvious.
"However, if you'd be willing to wait a
moment, I could ask my driver for the address of where he dropped off the
girls."
Hope returned to William's eyes. "Would
you?"
"Of course. Please, come in while I make the inquiry."
William nodded, saying a quick thank you as
he stepped into the house. Perhaps this night would go well for him after all�

***
*** ***
As soon as he walked through the door,
William remembered why he hated parties. It was too loud, too crowded, and he
couldn't find Buffy anywhere. He sighed, just about to start asking around,
when he felt a tug on his arm. He turned, frowning at who he saw. "Oh. Cecily. It's you."
"William, I must speak with you,"
Cecily said, biting her lip in a way William assumed she thought was provocative.
If that were indeed the case, William found her to be sadly mistaken. "It
is rather important."
"I don't have the time right now,
Cecily," William replied, pulling his arm out of her grasp.
"Please, William. Don't make me beg
you." She grabbed his arm again, pulling him away from the crowd and into
another room. "Does this remind you of anything?" she asked once they
were alone.
"No," William replied, annoyed.
"Should it?"
"It's much like the situation we were
in when you first professed your love for me," Cecily said with a coy
smile.
William frowned. He guessed the rooms were somewhat similar. "Then it's also much
like the situation where you rejected me�like quite a bitch, I might add."
"I know. Oh, how I regret that night!"
She paused, looking into his eyes. "William, I really do love you. I was a
fool before, for what I said to you. I didn't mean it, darling!"
William stared at her for a moment. Only a
short time ago, those words would have filled him delight. Now they only filled
him with nausea. How could he have ever thought this woman was anything
special? And Buffy had been right about her eyes. They did bulge in a rather
disturbing fashion. He frowned. "Cecily, I�"
Suddenly, Cecily had grabbed him and kissed
him. William froze for a moment, her unexpected action putting him into shock.
But soon he realized what was happening and pushed her away in disgust,
frantically wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. Cecily's kiss did
nothing to him that Buffy's kisses did, the whole experience being not a thing
but unpleasant.
"I don't love you, Cecily,"
William replied angrily. "I don't even like
you. I think you're a horrible, selfish person. What you did to Buffy to come
between us was cruel. I have never seen anyone so petty in my life. Any
feelings I may have felt for you in the past were based on my own personal
delusions, and I can promise you I am quite over them."
"Because of that slut Buffy Summers?
Please, William!" Cecily screeched. "She isn't good enough for you.
You're a baron, William�she's nothing but a whore!"
Cecily's words made a few things click into
place for William. "You told the same thing to Buffy on Wednesday, didn't
you?" he accused.
"It's the truth, William. If you can't
see it�"
William grabbed Cecily by the arms.
"Listen to me, you bloody little bint. You stay far away from Buffy,"
he snarled, his anger clear in his eyes. "She's better than you'll ever be,
you daft cow."
Cecily trembled. "William! You're
frightening me!"
"I'll do more than that if you ever
come near Buffy again," William sneered. He dropped Cecily and turned
towards the door.
"You'll regret this," Cecily said,
rubbing her sore arms.
"The only thing I regret is being fool
enough to believe I cared for you," William replied.
He went back to the party, searching for
Buffy. He asked several people, the general consensus being she had been there
but since vanished. And something about Cecily and a fork?
After an hour, William came to the
conclusion that she had left. Cursing under his breath, he stormed out of the
party, determined to hunt her down, even if it took him all night.

***
*** ***
"I'm sorry I'm being so un-fun
tonight," Buffy said to Willow as they both sat on Buffy's bed, an
assortment of snack foods between them.
"Don't worry about that at all,"
Willow replied. "You have the right to be sulky-girl right now. I would
be, too."
"Still, you're probably wishing you'd
just stayed back at school in the dorms."
"Uh, no," Willow said. "This
is my first weekend away from that place all year. I would definitely rather be
here than there. Besides, you need a friend right now."
"I do. I'm really glad you're here. I'm
not sure I could be handling things too well right now if I was alone."
"You don't have to. I'll�" Willow
stopped. "Did you hear something?"
"No. Like what?" Buffy asked with
a frown.
"Some sort of tapping." Both girls
were quiet for a moment until Willow said, "I heard it again."
"Me, too, that time," Buffy said,
rising to her feet. "It sounds like someone's throwing stuff at the
window." She walked over, opening the curtains and then the window itself,
looking out. She gasped when she saw William standing beneath it. "What do
you want?" she snapped.
"Buffy, please, I need to talk to
you," William replied. "It's important."
The image of him kissing Cecily played over
and over in Buffy's mind. "I have nothing to say to you, William."
"Buffy, please, just give me a few
minutes�"
"No! Go away, William! I don't ever
want to see you again!" She slammed the window shut and pulled the
curtains closed.
Willow had come up behind her when she had
heard Buffy yelling at William. "Are you gonna be okay?" she asked softly.
"I�I think so," Buffy replied,
even as fresh tears were forming in her eyes. "I can't believe he came
here. What, did Cecily turn him down again, so he thought he'd try to see what
he could get from his old stand by?"
Willow gave her a sympathetic look.
"I'm so sorry, Buffy. I really wish William hadn't turned out to be such a
jerk."
"Yeah, me, too." Buffy walked back over to the bed, sitting on the
edge. "I really thought he was different. He seemed like such a nice guy,
and I was really starting to believe that that's what he was. But I guess I was
wrong again. Stupid, na�ve Buffy, falling in love again even after having her
heart ripped out before�" She sighed. "And you know what the worst
part is? I still love him. After all of this, my heart should just kick him
out, y'know? He's apparently not the man I thought he was, so I should just
stop loving him. But I can't. I still want him so badly, Willow."
Willow sat down beside her. "Love
sounds rough."
"It is," Buffy said, wiping at her
eyes. "It's so tempting to just crawl back to him and beg him to keep me
at least a little while longer, but I can't. I did that with Angel, and things
only got worse. I have to be strong this time like I wasn't then. I can't allow
myself to get walked all over."
"I'll be here with you this weekend,
make sure you stay strong," Willow offered.
"Thank you. I really appreciate it.
It'll be better having a friend around to keep my mind off of William-y type
things." Buffy took a deep breath and let it out. "But would you be
disappointed if I was ready to just go to sleep now? I'm worn out."
"Of course I wouldn't," Willow
replied. "I'm pretty tired myself, actually."
"Okay." Buffy stood. "I'll
walk you over to your room."
Willow got up and followed Buffy out.

***
*** ***
William walked dejectedly back to his house,
fighting tears. He was tired of crying, tired of feeling so weak. The tears had
seemed to be ever present since Buffy had walked out of his bedroom two days
ago and he wished they'd stop. He was feeling pathetic.
He went up to his room, not bothering to
turn on the lights as he walked over to his bed and sat down on the edge,
facing Buffy's bedroom. The curtains were drawn, closing her off to him. He
longed for the days when they'd been open, and not just for the sort of voyeuristic
treat Buffy had given him the night they'd met. Everything had seemed brighter
with her there, as if the light she exuded pierced
through the darkness his life had been before he'd met her. She was radiant,
his golden goddess.
"This is the east, and Juliet's the
sun! Arise fair sun, and kill the envious moon, who's
already sick and pale with grief," William said aloud, his words followed by
an almost hysterical laugh. The tears he'd tried to fight off earlier were
coming now, and he wiped them away roughly, cursing his heart for breaking.
He saw now that he was an idiot for
believing he could simply talk to Buffy and make everything go back to the way
it had been. She'd never loved him and losing him seemed to mean little to her.
She could still party with her friends. She could dismiss him easily, banishing
him from her life without a second glance.
She never wanted to see him again� He'd
decided in the beginning that he'd do anything for Buffy, but how could he
grant such a request? How could he spend the rest of his life without the woman
he loved?
It seemed to be impossible. While he knew
that he'd spent much more of his life without Buffy than with, she'd managed to
turn his whole world upside down when she'd stepped into it. He couldn't go
back to the way things had been before now that he knew the way they could be.
But there was nothing he could do to change
it. If that was how Buffy felt, then it was truly over.
William would just have to learn to live
without her.

***
*** ***
I want to take a moment to say thank you for
the huge response this fic has gotten. I never intended it to become anything
like this, planning a short story without much in the way of a plot at all. But
instead, it grew into something much more that has seemed to capture not only
my attention, but that of many readers. This fic has quickly become my most
read and my most reviewed on every website where I post, and I can't tell you
how much it means to me that so many people are enjoying this story. I don't
think it could've become what it is without the support of so many readers, and
I thank each and every one of you for allowing me to entertain you.
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