ONE NORMAL LIFE / TWO EXTRAORDINARY LIVES

CHAPTER 206 – SMOKE AND MIRRORS

“If that’s all for now, I want to go check on William. I don't think I should be leaving him alone right now."

“I understand. However, if you can spare another few minutes, I’d like to now consider your involvement in tonight’s nightmare.”

“Briefly, Giles. I need to check on him," Buffy said, walking over to the doorway, so she could at least hear him. Anxiously, her eyes drifted across the hall.

Giles nodded. “I just wanted to verify that that this was the only time that you yourself experienced being inside of William’s nightmare.”

“Yeah, it was.”

“Can you think of any reason why that would be; rather, why tonight and not last month? Last year?”

Buffy thought for a moment, then something dawned on her.

“I don’t know why it only happened last night, but we were sort of…um…joined together when we were asleep.”

“By joined you mean…?”

“Diagram, much, Giles?”

“Um…no. Please,” Giles said clearing his throat.

“Good!” In the interest of the question, she forced herself to continue.
“I mean that, in itself, isn’t totally rare for us. It’s happened before, but I guess never during a night…” Buffy stopped as something suddenly occurred to her.

“Giles,” she said, excitedly. “I don’t think The First ever expected me to actually be there. I wasn't part of its plan. At least, not in that way. All this time, its been making William think that he's doing these things to me or others; at the very least, that he still wants to do those things. Don't you see, Giles? None of it's been real. It's all been smoke and mirrors."

"Not to split hairs, but nightmares usually aren’t real. You mean that you believe the nightmares have been perpetrated by The First?"

"Perpetrated, put there, whatever you want to call it; yes! William didn't create these nightmares out of some deep rooted bloodlust he still carries with him; The First crafted these nightmares just for him."

“And you’re absolutely positive that it was The First that you were seeing?”

“I’ve never been more certain of anything, Giles.”

"I believe you, Buffy. You of all people would know The First when you see it.”

“Yeah,” she said, grimacing. “That’s some dubious distinction I just happen to have, isn’t it?”

“Be that as it may; the question then becomes; for what purpose?"

~~~~~

“Hey guys,” Willow said, as she walked into the study, passing Buffy by the doorway on her way in. “I talked to Althanea and told her what was happening.”

“Will she be able to help?” Giles asked.

“Yes, although she said it might take her the rest of the day to locate some of the ‘big gun’ type of supplies that the coven generally doesn’t keep on hand for everyday use. She and some of the others will come tomorrow; by dusk, at the latest.”

“And until then?” Giles asked.

“Until then, I’ll be joining forces on the Internet with others in the coven, in approximately...” Willow took the cell phone from her pocket and looked at the time, “...two hours and 12 minutes.”

“Jenny...Miss Calendar, did something like that once,” Giles said, wistfully. “I think the term she used was, technopagan.”

“Wasn’t that the time I inadvertently let Moloch out of some old text when you had me scanning them?”

“Indeed, it was.”

“Ugh, don’t remind me. Then he started corresponding with me, and I was acting like...”

“A school girl?” Giles asked, with a small chuckle.

“I’m surprised I wasn’t turned off by all boys at that point, but then, there was Oz...”

“Willow!” Buffy snapped.

All eyes turned towards her.

“Is this spell going to be strong enough? Buffy asked tersely. After all, she didn’t think she could be blamed for not exactly having faith in protection spells anymore.

“It will protect everyone here from any physical agents of The First, and hopefully, any non-corporeal ones, as well. However, if The First is coming to William as he sleeps, I don’t know if there is a spell that can prevent that.”

“Well that’s just great, isn’t it? What the hell good are protection spells if they only work some of the time, or are easily broken? In Michigan, you assured me that William would be protected for two years. I’m sorry, Willow, but you and your coven’s protection spells have really fallen short of that; haven't they?”

There, she’d said it.

Willow looked stricken, and Buffy felt a flush of shame rise to her cheeks.

“I know it seems like that, but magic is only magic. It can help circumvent evil; thwart it, even. What it can’t do is completely eradicate it; especially if what’s doing it is really determined. Buffy, if this is really The First...”

“It is.”

“Then its evil is much stronger than even the darkest of magicks...which,” she hurried to explain, “this isn’t what this spell will be conjured from.”

“I know, and I'm sorry, Willow. I know you tried your best."

Guiltily, Willow ventured a furtive glance at Giles. The slight shake of his head warned her to not proceed, but she ignored him. "Um, Buffy, about that..."

"About what? The protection spell?"

"Not so much that exactly, more like the time period you mentioned."

Buffy quickly replayed the exchange they'd just had in her mind. "Are you talking about the spell that was supposed to protect William for two years?"

Willow nodded nervously. "Yep, that. You remember back in Michigan, when you asked me why the protection spell was only good for two years?”

“I remember,” she answered slowly. “You said something like the magicks being so strong that they had to be renewed. Though, looking back maybe they should’ve been renewed every month or every week so they wouldn’t weaken.”

“Well...you see, there was a little more to it than that...”

Buffy’s body automatically tensed, as tenuous strands of memory from bits and pieces of past conversations tried to connect. However, before she could connect dots, she heard William calling out for her from across the hall.
She let out a breath in relief. Oh well...out of the frying pan and into the fire, or vice versa; she really no longer knew.

“I’ll be back,” she said to Giles, before hurrying across the hall.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Feeling like he had ten tons of bricks lying on top his head, William slowly came to, her name unconsciously tumbling from his lips. His eyes fluttered open, and he blinked a couple of times at the sight of the unfamiliar ceiling. Gradually, his senses started to return to him, and along with them, a terrible sinking sensation, as the memory of what he had done came flooding back.

The next thing he knew, Elizabeth was kneeling down by his side, concern written on her face.

“I’m so sorry,” he said, his voice cracking.

“Shhh, it’s okay. I’m okay, remember?”

Overwhelmed by the shame that gripped him, he turned his head away from her. At least he tried to. Her strong, yet gentle, hands took hold of his face and turned it back towards her.

“Hey, none of that now, okay?” Buffy said softly, as she looked into his eyes.

”I told you before, and I’m telling you again. We’re in this together, for better or worse. What happened last night, obviously, falls under the worse side of the equation. Nonetheless, we’re in this together, all of it, no matter what. I love you.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t,” William said wearily, sitting up.

Buffy leaned back on her heels and stared at him. “What did you just say?”

“I said maybe you shouldn’t. You’d be better off if you didn’t; if you never had.”

“No, you don’t get to say that! Not now, not after everything I’ve...we've been through. You don't ever get to tell me that."

“Elizabeth…”

“Spike would never have said that to me!”

William sat forward and grabbed her arms. “Spike would rip your frickin’ throat out, or have you forgotten already?” William hissed at her through clenched teeth.

“Bullshit! That wasn’t Spike, and that wasn’t you!”

Buffy shook his hands off of her, and grabbed his right hand. Slapping it to her left, she entwined her fingers with his and squeezed so hard, she could feel the anchor from the chain-link bracelet she bought him, digging into her wrist.

William stilled as he looked at their hands, then up at her with a tiny spark of hope in his eyes. Her angry glare softened, and she nodded.

“This is real. That other thing you were experiencing as yourself, all of what you’ve been experiencing in your nightmares from the beginning; that’s been The First all along! It made you believe that it was you doing all those things, or at the very least, wanting to do all those things. It made you doubt yourself and made you believe that you still had some sort of evil inside you.”

William let out a heavy sigh. “How can you be so sure that I don’t.”

“Because I know you - as a man, and even before that, as a vampire -- with a soul and without one. Even when it looked like you and spoke like you. That thing was never you.”

“You have no idea how much I wish that to be true,” William said, looking away from her.

“It is true. I know it. I know the difference, and you should, too.”

“I don’t know anything anymore.”

“Listen to me!” Buffy said, the ideas and conviction behind her words flowing with ease now. “The First took advantage of everything you’ve been afraid of since you returned, and more so since you found out that you’d been a vampire. It took the things you feared the most -- like hurting me, and your guilt over the things Spike did before he got his soul back -- and he twisted that fear and guilt even further. Don't you see? He scripted those nightmares specifically for you! He made you believe that everything he showed you in them, every impulse you thought you were having now, or in the past, had originated with you, but they didn't.”

“Say that’s true and I believe that, I’d still wager it didn’t take much scripting. I…Spike wasn’t a bleedin’ choirboy. He did horrible things -- terrible, evil things.

Buffy unlaced their fingers, then took both of his hands in hers.

“Yes, he did. He also changed his nature, got a soul, and died a hero saving the world. I realize that doesn’t change the past, or bring back those that were killed. However, I think it’s a testament to those things, that you got another chance to do good in this world when you came back as a human being; as the good man you were before any of this had ever happened to you. You were given a clean slate.”

“I thought it was some damn prophecy that brought me back. You make it sound like divine intervention,” he said, with a bitter snort.

Buffy paused a minute, something niggling at her mind. She mentally shook herself off. “I don’t care what’s behind it. The point is you came back, you’re here, you’re a good man, and the world is a better place with you in it.”
She reached up and tenderly stroked his cheek. “My world is a better place because you’re in it.”

William swallowed the lump that had risen to his throat.

“I don’t think all people Spike killed would share your same opinion, luv.”

“I don’t believe that you, William, are responsible for what you did as Spike, but I’m also beginning to realize that it’s not my place to tell you to not feel guilty, or to tell you what an appropriate burden should, or shouldn’t be. That’s up to you to work though. But not this guilt, and not this burden, because William, that thing in those nightmares isn’t you.”

“How is it that you can be sure some part of me isn’t that thing?”

Buffy softly caressed his face again.

“Because, I know. I believe in you, William.”

A single tear escaped and rolled down his cheek, as William stared into her eyes, digesting all that she’d told him.

“Why is it doing this to me?” William asked bravely.

For that, she had no answer.


END CHAPTER 206