ONE NORMAL LIFE / TWO EXTRAORDINARY LIVES

CHAPTER 201 - WHISPERS

GREENWICH
4:30PM

William held the door for Buffy after using his key to let them into Giles’ flat. He’d barely said a word after they’d left the cemetery and made their way back, but he still had manners.

“Buffy?” Willow called from the kitchen.

“Yeah, it’s us,” Buffy said, trying to keep the weariness and worry out of her voice. She hung up her coat next to the door on the wooden rack provided. By the time she turned towards William for his, he had already started up the stairs.

She was about to call out to him, when Giles stepped into the hall from the study.

“You’re back,” Giles said.

“Yep, just got in,” Buffy said, taking another glance up the stairs before turning towards Giles.

“Is everything alright?” Giles asked, walking over to her and motioning towards the retreating footsteps as they made their way to the third floor.

“Sure, why wouldn’t it be?” Buffy asked.

“Well, judging by the look on your face...”

Buffy hesitated, then shook her head. “He’s just tired. It was a long day,” she said, not ready to talk about it yet; not even sure there was anything to talk about.

“I see. Well, if you want to...”

“Dinner is going to be in about half an hour. It got finished a bit sooner than I thought it would. I made soup. It seemed like a good day for it,” Willow said, coming out into the hallway.

“Great,” Buffy said distractedly, but letting Willow’s interruption be her escape to go upstairs, too. “I’ll let William know.”

~~~~~~~~~

“What’s up?” Willow asked, as soon as Buffy was out of hearing range.

“I really don’t know,” Giles answered.

“Buffy seemed a little…avoidy.”

Giles suppressed a smile at Willow’s use of what he termed, Sunnydale-speak. He wouldn’t admit it as such, but he’d missed the way Buffy and her friends had managed to so completely mangle the English language. Now that she was here, he’d been rather enjoying hearing it again.

“I guess we’ll see,” he said, and headed back to his study to look over the translation texts he’d brought back with him from the Council.

~~~~~~~~~

After hurrying upstairs as though the very hounds of hell were at his heels, William sagged against the inside of his bedroom door in relief; all the while detesting that he hadn’t even had the reserves to greet the other members of the household, but he hadn’t. Ever since the cemetery, that inner voice of doubt and self-loathing - blessedly silent since Elizabeth had come - had been ceaseless. Though it only told him what he already knew; that he didn’t belong in the company and lives of decent people, especially, hers. He didn’t belong in this world at all.

He walked over to the window and pulled back the curtains, his hand resting on the icy glass. There were no stars to guide one tonight, only clouds that foretold of further storms.

“What would you have me do?” William asked, as he looked up at the lonely night sky. “How can I change what’s past? How can I atone for these...things... acts I can’t even remember? Things I did when I was him?”

There was no reply from above. There was only that voice - seductive and convincing - once more whispering the resolution.

~~~~~~~~~~~

With grim determination, William logged onto his computer and found the links to the car rental company and the lodge in The Lake District, where he’d made reservations before the holidays. A quick glance at the calendar verified that he was supposed to have picked up the car this afternoon and have arrived there late today. Of course, after Elizabeth had showed up, he hadn’t even given it another thought. Until now.

In her arms once more, his loneliness abated, he’d had almost let himself believe that they could go on and still have a future; a normal life, even. But the past would always be present like a dark cloud over their lives. What sort of life was that to offer her?

After typing in his name and address, he took out his new bankcard, and entered the information requested. His fingers hesitated over the ‘Confirm Reservation’ button, a little white arrow hovering; awaiting his decision. He withdrew his hand. Instead, his eyes were drawn to his inbox. Moving the mouse cursor, he clicked on the mailbox to find two letters, one from Dawn and one from Lawrence.

He opened Dawn’s letter first:

12-26-09

Dear William,

I just talked to you earlier today (guess that’s yesterday, now) but I’m so happy that you and Buffy are together again that I just had to write. You have no idea how worried she was about you when you were gone and she didn’t hear from you - how worried we all were.

I would’ve never guessed that you’d go back to England -- and to Giles’ no less! Then again, I guess it makes a sort of sense. Whatever the reason, I’m just glad that things worked (or are working) out.

Just remember, no matter how hard and how much you have to deal with, (and I know it’s a lot!) we can help you get through it. That’s what families do, and whether you know it or believe it, that’s what we are - and what we’ve been - even when you were still Spike.

Please come home soon. I miss you. John does, too, but I miss you more!

Love,

Dawn

P.S. It’s the middle of the night, but I can’t sleep. I blame you, you big dummy, (but not in a bad way, so don’t get all guilt-trippy, okay?) I’m just so happy that you’re okay and you and Buffy are together again.

William closed his eyes, as he tried to envision Dawn the last time he saw her in front of Edna's restaurant; bestowing on him both slugs and hugs. Besides Elizabeth, she was the person he was closest to since coming back. He'd felt their bond almost immediately. He sighed; knowing it was the breaking of that very bond, which caused her to feel almost as hurt as her sister did when he'd left. It pained him to think how hurt and disappointed she would ultimately be by him once again. Still, he’d rather that, than the hate she would surely feel for him should his inaction cause Elizabeth true harm in the future.

Lawrence’s letter was just as important to him:

Dear William,

I trust that you have had a good holiday thus far. Edna informed me that she spoke to both you and Elizabeth, and was very happy to know that you were together in England. I, too, was heartened to hear this.

I have done as you instructed and strengthened the terms of your will in regards to Elizabeth. This takes into account your non-married status and satisfies all contingencies, thereof. I believe there is no stronger addendum to be added to your original at this time, nor could a new drafted one be made stronger.

If this is to your satisfaction, please follow the link provided, to a secure site in order to digitally sign it, unless you would rather do so by mail, in which case I’ll send it to you post haste. If you decide to digitally sign it, know that there will still be a ‘hard’ copy for you upon your request or return, whichever comes first.

Your humble servant and friend,

Lawrence

William signed the document and sent it back to Lawrence, grateful that Elizabeth would be taken care of no matter what happened to him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Despite her desire to rush right up to his room to make sure he was okay, Buffy decided the best thing would be to give William some time to himself. Instead, she went into her room and fished a change of clothes out from her still mostly-unpacked luggage. After changing, she washed up, brushed out her tangled, wind-blown hair, and reapplied her makeup. More or less satisfied with the results she saw in the mirror, she headed up to the third floor. Taking a deep breath, she tapped lightly on his door before entering.

William sat by the window, staring out, a notebook and pen lay idle on his lap. Buffy’s eyes were also drawn to the laptop sitting open in the middle of the old dining table that served as his makeshift desk. It hadn't been there before they’d left.

“Hey,” she said softly, coming up to him and placing a hand on his shoulder. She felt him tense for a moment, before relaxing and leaning into her touch. Encouraged, she did the same with her other hand. His head eventually rolled back and he rotated his neck as she kneaded his taut muscles. Buffy glanced down at the notebook, hoping for some hint as to what he might have been doing, or his state of mind. No such luck; if he'd written anything, it was on the side that was face down.

Buffy finished the massage, and walked over to lean on the windowsill, so that she was now facing William.

“Willow said dinner was done, do you need a few more minutes?”

Gently, William took her hands in his. “Don’t think I’d be very good company tonight, Elizabeth,” he said, his words carefully measured, as he looked up into her eyes.

Buffy studied him, then slowly nodded.

“I’ll bring you up something later.”

“Alright,” he said, then brought her hands up to his lips, and genteelly placed a kiss on each.

Buffy hesitated for a moment of at the door; a vague, uneasy feeling niggling at her consciousness

“William?”

“Yes?”

“You sure you’re okay? I mean considering...”

William nodded.

“Okay. I’ll see you in a while, then,” Buffy said, as she left to join Willow and Giles.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Given the brief time until dinner, Giles hadn’t planned on doing anything other than having a cursory look at the text he’d brought home with him. However, curiosity had overtaken him, and he soon had the Shanshu Prophecy unrolled in front of him as well. His eyes darted back and forth between the original manuscript and the translation, as he hurriedly scribbled notes on a tablet of paper that sat between them.

As it turned out, once all the elements were in his hands; a short time may have been all that was needed.

Giles sat back in his chair, a small self-congratulatory smile threatening to erupt. But no, he mustn’t get too excited. Not yet, anyway. Just then he heard the timer from the kitchen stove go off, and looked at his watch. No, he would rein in his excitement at least until after dinner.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Giles and Willow were already seated when Buffy came into the dining room. A white and pink china tureen of soup sat in the middle of the table atop its matching platter. On it was an English scene of grazing cattle, horses, and sheep by the edge of a pond. In the background were trees, mountains, as well as a distant castle. Four matching bowls sat in front of each of their seats.

“Good evening, Buffy,” Giles said, partly standing, as she took her seat.

“Evening. The soup smells great, Will,” Buffy said, her stomach growling in anticipation.

“Thanks. Tastes good too. At least, I think it does. It was Tara’s recipe,” Willow said, a tinge of sadness in her voice.

Buffy took a spoonful and nodded. “I thought it tasted familiar. It reminds me of Sunnydale. I think it’s a nice thing to remember her by...comforting.”

They were quiet for a moment, remembering the gentle young woman.

Giles cleared his throat. “Buffy?”

“Yes?”

“Isn’t William joining us?”

Buffy shook her head, putting down her spoon. “He’s not...he’s just tired. I’ll bring him up something after dinner.”

“Ah, I see,” Giles said.

"Where did you and William go today?" Willow asked.

“Just sightseeing."

"You're so lucky; William is like having a living, breathing Victorian era history guide at your beck and call."

"I never quite thought of it that way. I'm just glad to be here with William, period."

"Well, of course you are."

"How about you guys? What did you two do today?” Buffy asked, a little too quickly in an attempt to deflect the conversation before Willow could ask about specifics. She'd seen sights, alright, but nothing that she wanted to talk about.

“Nothing,” Giles and Willow both answered at the same time, causing Buffy to look from one to the other; her curiosity peaked.

“Well, I don’t mean nothing-nothing,” Willow said. “There was stuff. Oh, and I talked to Kennedy.”

“How is she?” Buffy asked.

“Keeping busy it sounds like. Her sister is moving into a new house, so Kennedy’s been helping a lot with that. Also, her dad’s not doing too well, so she said she might stay another week or two until he feels better. "

“Willow, you know it's totally okay with me if you need to go and be with her, don't you? You already missed being with Kennedy at Christmas; I really don’t want you to not go because of me.”

“It’s not. Besides, we already talked about that,” Willow said pointedly.

“I know. As long as you’re okay.”

“I am.”

Giles cleared his throat. “I went to the Council for a while.”

“Any reason in particular?” Buffy asked. Not that she thought Giles needed a reason to go to the Council. It was almost like him telling her that he’d read a book.

“Um...no. Just to do a bit of paperwork.”

“Sounds fascinating,” Buffy said, ribbing Giles just for old times’ sake, but it didn’t get the expected rise from him.

“Yes, quite.”

They went back to eating their soup in mostly silence; punctuated only by small talk. Buffy couldn’t help but feel that there was something that both Giles and Willow weren’t telling her. Then again, maybe she was just projecting. She wasn’t exactly all with the forthcoming-girl herself at the moment.

~~~~~~~~~~~

After helping Willow with the dishes, Buffy begged off for the evening, anxious to not leave William alone for too long.

The room was semi-dark when she let herself in, with the only light coming from the laptop’s screensaver. William lay on the bed, his back to her, not stirring. Carefully, she made her way across the room and around to his side. After putting down the plate of food she’d brought for him on the nightstand, Buffy sat down on the edge of the bed.

“William? Are you asleep?” Buffy asked, lightly touching his arm.

He murmured her name as his eyelids struggled to open.

“Yeah, it’s me,” Buffy said softly.

“What time is it?” William mumbled.

“Around seven.”

His eyes fluttered in rapid succession as he tried to focus. Blearily, he looked at her, then past her towards the window. “Seven? It’s still dark.”

“That’s because it’s seven in the evening, not morning,” she said, turning on the bedside lamp.

“Oh…”

“I brought you some dinner; there’s soup and crackers, and a piece of apple pie cake.”

William arched his eyebrow. “Which is it?”

“Which is what?”

“Pie or cake?”

“Both; at least that’s what Willow says. Whatever you call it, it’s good,” Buffy said, as she held it out to him.

William sighed and closed his eyes again. “Doesn’t matter. Not hungry. Tired.”

“I know, but you should still try to eat something. It’s been hours since we had lunch.”

William didn’t respond.

“Look, I need to take a shower, but I’m not leaving until you open your eyes and sit up. If you don’t, I’m not only going to be naggy and pissy, but stinky as well; sort of like the Seven Dwarves... but only three. Though I’m sure I could think of at least four more.”

William groaned, but nonetheless did as he was asked.

Encouraged, Buffy smiled and handed him a cup of tea, and put the tray of food over his lap. “Eat something! I’ll be back in a little while.”

“I will,” William said, sipping his tea for her like a good little boy, but it was only a facade. He wasn’t a good anything.

Buffy smiled and started for the door.

“But maybe you shouldn't,” he added

Buffy stopped in mid-stride to face him. “Shouldn't what? Shower? Leave?”

William shook his head. “Come back,” he said, feeling like a heel at the look of distress that crossed her face. “I…I think I just need to be by myself tonight if that’s alright.”

She stood staring at him for a minute, her face inscrutable, before stalking back over to the bed.

"It's not alright and it doesn't work like that anymore, William. I know you had a horrible day -- a horrific day -- but you know what? So did I. Do you think having to watch you go through all that, and then seeing your name on an empty grave was a picnic for me? Well think again!"

Ashamed, William looked away from the angry eyes that bore into him.

"I know it's not the same thing and maybe I can't even know what it is that you're feeling," Buffy said in a much softer, calmer voice, as she knelt down by the bed, forcing him to look at her. "All I know is that you're hurting, but that's why I'm here; that and I love you, so I'm not going anywhere."

"I just don't know what I can give you right now," William said, staring into her eyes.

"And I'm not asking you for anything, other than to not shut me out. We're in this together; all of it: the good, the bad, and the badder still, if that's what it takes, okay?"

William nodded once.

"Okay, then," Buffy said, rising. "I'll be back in a little while."

William let out his breath as the door shut behind her. Returning the untouched tray of food to the nightstand, he sunk back into the bed, into sleep and despair.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Willow, might I see you for a moment?” Giles called from the door of his study, after Buffy had gone upstairs.

“Sure, what’s up?”

“Close the door behind you,” he said, as she entered the study.

“Giles?”

“Here, I want you to see this and tell me what you think,” Giles said, walking to his desk. The manuscript containing the prophecy was laid out next to the page in the book that he was sure held the literal translation.

Willow sat down and looked at the few notes they’d made on the prophecy text earlier that day. It was identical to the one she'd translated after hacking into Wolfram & Hart’s files, back when Buffy had started having slayer dreams of Spike being alive. That is, all except that tricky passage of words that had to do with the two-year clause that the beneficiary of the Shanshu had to satisfy. Lying next to that was an old translation text she hadn’t seen before.

Willow looked up at Giles, wide-eyed. He nodded. Excitedly, she grabbed a notebook and started to scribble down the words in question out of the original Shanshu Prophecy manuscript, next to which she wrote the new translation using the text from the Council. When she’d finished, she handed it to Giles. He put the notebook back on the desk in front of her, then turned back the pages to where he'd written down his translation.

They were one and the same.

“What is it?” Giles asked, seeing Willow's expression darken.

“It’s not what we…not what I thought it was after all. I guess this makes more sense. I should've known," Willow said.

"It was an easy mistake to make. The words are almost identical."

“I know, I was just thinking, this is going to be much harder. The first thing I thought it was, well, no problem on that count, but this…problem.”

“I thought of that as well. Still, we’re not exactly sure how that’s to be taken, or in which context it’s meant to... “

“However it's meant to apply or be taken, Giles, I think we can agree that William is about as far away from being that as is possible. God, it’s almost two years now. How much longer does he…? Four months?”

They were both silent for a moment.

“Are we going to tell Buffy? I mean, I think we have to. Don’t we?” Willow asked, chewing on her lower lip.

Giles nodded.

“She deserves to know, don’t you think? So does William for that matter, although I think I might leave that decision up to her. No, come to think of it, I believe that William has as much right to know about something that is going to affect his life as much as she does, if not more. It is his life, after all.”

"Or what's left of it? Oh, God, Giles! Why didn't I look into this further? I mean, all you had to do was make a phone call to Wesley and you have the actual manuscript in your hand. You know what's worse? I didn't even consider checking it out further. I just took the information from Wolfram & Hart as the end-all, be-all in translations. It's my fault that Buffy didn't have the full story. It's just when I thought it was the other thing, it didn't seem that it was necessary. Buffy was so happy to have found William alive and they were in love; it was like they were finally going to that fairytale ending. But now...one little word changes everything,” Willow said, her expression, crestfallen.

“One little word, indeed,” Giles repeated, thoughtfully.

“Still, what’s done is done and it won’t help for you to feel guilty or responsible for this,” he held up his hand seeing Willow about to protest. “I’m afraid we’ve both done our fair share of lying to Buffy over the years; both on purpose and by omission. Were we to compare notes - and please, let's not – I believe that I would come out the poorer. However, be that as it may, what's important now is how do we help her and William so that--if indeed, this two-year clause is set in prophetic stone--he comes through it."

“When are you...I mean, when are we...going to tell them about it?”

“I can do it myself if you’d rather not, Willow.”

“No, Giles. I need to see this thing through, even if Buffy is upset with me.”

Giles nodded.

“Tomorrow sometime, I should think. We can afford to at least take a bit more time and make sure that our initial translation here is correct. I might even ring up Wesley later, if you can help me by scanning the passage in question, so I can email it to him?”

Willow nodded, grateful to be able to feel useful under the circumstances. “Sounds like a plan.”

END CHAPTER 201