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Know Who I Am	By : Paigie Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > FemmeSlash - Female/Female > Buffy/Faith Views: 4757 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
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Chapter List
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This silence is starting to kill me. I mean that seriously, I’m not just being dramatic. I feel like I can’t breathe as I look at Giles. His face is a mix of so many different emotions that I can’t even begin to name them. Well, I can name a couple. Anger is a big one. Shock is another. Disappointment and sadness are tied at number three.
When he first saw Samantha he thought I rescued her from a vampire. As soon as she passed out from all of the crying and stress I told him everything. Ok so not everything. I didn’t tell him about Faith and I sleeping together but I told him about Tanner, and how they’ve been living at my house. I told him what happened we got home from patrolling only I left out most of the things that Tanner said.
I finished talking about forty minutes ago, and I finished crying about ten minutes ago. I can’t believe I just left Faith there. I know it normally takes a lot more than a human to kill a slayer but she wasn’t defending herself. He was hitting her, screaming at her, calling her awful names, and she just let him. She could be dead right now. She could be dead and it’s my fault for just taking off like that. I should’ve put Sam in my room and then I should’ve put Tanner in a grave.
“First things first,” I jump a little at the sound of his voice. It was just over a whisper but it startled me. “We need to take the girl to the hospital to be examined. I think she has a broken wrist.” Oh my God. I’m going to kill Tanner the next time I see him. Wait, we can’t go to the hospital. Going to the hospital would be bad.
“They’ll call the police and she’ll get taken away. We can’t do that. Faith told me Tanner’s parents are rich, and if he goes to jail then they’ll fight for custody and they’ll win because she can’t afford to hire a good lawyer. And if she asks her parents for help then they’ll fight for custody and if they get it they’ll put Sam up for adoption.” He takes off his glasses and pinches the bridge of his nose. He only does that when he’s really irritated.
Before either of us can say anything there’s a loud pounding on the door. Oh God, Tanner killed Faith and now he’s trying to take Sam away! I jump off the couch and stand at the foot of the stairs. If he wants her he has to go through me. I watch silently as Giles stands up and walks towards the door. He puts his hand on the knob but he doesn’t open it yet. He looks back at me, and I take in a deep breath. When I nod my head he opens the door but before he can say anything he’s pushed aside.
“Where is she? Is she alright? Where is she?” Faith says in one breath as she rushes into the room. She starts looking around and I try not to freak out. Faith looks so scared, and completely freaked out. She has bruises on her face and arms, and her lip is cut. It’s already starting to heal but that’s not the point.
“Is Tanner gone?” I look into her big brown eyes and she looks a little confused, like me bringing up Tanner is an insane thing to do. “Because if he’s at my house when we go home I’m going to kill him.” She looks a little scared but I’m so pissed off I can’t force myself to care. Before she can say anything Giles clears his throat.
“Buffy, perhaps Faith should see…her daughter before we start asking questions.” My jaw almost hits the floor, and a cold shiver runs down my back. What the fuck is wrong with Giles? He’s really going to let Faith see Sam after she failed to do her job? A job that’s more important than slaying or anything else in the world. “She’s asleep in my bed. Up the stairs, first door on the right.” She pushes passed me and runs up the stairs. I hope Sam inherited some of Faith’s healing powers because if her wrist is broken she’s going to be in a lot of pain.
“Don’t start,” he says before I can say a word. Wow, he really does know me. “Keeping Faith away from her daughter will only make matters worse. They’ve been through a lot tonight. Let’s not add to the stress.” I’d say they’ve been through more than a lot. I could kill Tanner, but I can’t leave. Faith is always saying how evil the Watcher’s Council is, and now that Giles knows about Sam there’s every chance she’ll run.
“Ok. I don’t think she should be left alone with Sam.” Before he can say anything I’m walking up the stairs. I told Giles about Faith’s fear of the Council, and he confirmed that the Council doesn’t want slayers to have children. He didn’t tell me exactly what they’ll do to Sam, but I could just tell by the look on his face that it’s not good.
I stop when I get to Giles’ bedroom. The door is open and the hall light is spilling inside so I can see Faith is sitting on the bed next to Sam. She isn’t touching her, she’s just looking at her. The way she’s looking at her…I can’t really describe it. It reminds me of this show I watched on National Geographic. A lion killed some baby cheetahs and when the mom found them lying there dead she kept trying to wake them. It’s like she didn’t want to accept reality. That’s what Faith looks like. She doesn’t want to accept what happened but she has to.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers so softly that I barely hear it. “I’m so, so sorry.” Her voice is really shaky and I think she’s going to cry. I can’t help but feel angry. There’s no way she didn’t know about this. There’s no way Tanner hasn’t done something like this before. She didn’t look surprised to see Tanner like that. She looked…scared, but she looked far from surprised. She leans down and leaves a very gentle kiss on Sam’s forehead. Then she stands up and walks into the hallway and closes the door behind her.
She’s standing right in front of me, close enough to reach out and touch, but she’s not looking at me. She’s looking down at her hands. They didn’t have any bruises on them. They’re probably the only part of her that doesn’t have a bruise. She looks so…broken is a good word for it, but that’s no quite it.
“What the hell were you thinking?” I don’t sound as mad as I feel, mostly because I’m forcing my voice to stay low so I won’t wake Sam up. She finally looks into my eyes and now she looks surprised. “He’s done this before, hasn’t he? Had just a little too much to drink, and everyone around him becomes a punching bag.” She tries to talk but I don’t let her. “He’s been living with us for weeks, and you didn’t say anything. What if my mother had been home? You really think he would’ve held back because she’s been nothing but nice?”
She takes in a big shaky breath and she’s trying not to cry. A part of me wants to take her in my arms and protect her, but a much bigger part wants to hell at her. I hate conflicting emotions. I wish I could feel one thing at a time. Things would be so much simpler. I wait very patiently for her to speak because I want to hear what she has to say for herself.
“He promised he was gonna change. He said once we moved in with you guys he’d stop drinking.” They all say that! God, hasn’t she ever watched the Lifetime channel? “He never laid a hand on her before. He always just took it out on me. But we were out late, later than normal.” Oh God, here comes the excuses. “I never thought he’d hit her.” She’s crying now and she’s trying to talk but she can’t. I can just tell by the look in her eyes that she’s telling the truth. She really did think he’d never hit their daughter, and I can’t be mad at her anymore.
“It’s ok, Faith,” I say and gently caress her bruised face. “It’s alright because I’m here now.” I slowly pull her into my arms, and hold her gently but firmly. She probably has bruises all over and I don’t want to hurt her. “He’s never going to touch you guys again. I won’t let him.” I carefully pick her up and carry her into Giles’ spare bedroom. This is where he keeps most of his books, and there is no bed, just a really uncomfortable couch, but Faith’s crying is getting pretty loud and I don’t want Sam to wake up.
“I promise. I promise he’s never going to hurt you again.” I sit down on the couch, and she’s sitting across my lap. Her arms are wrapped around my neck and she’s crying so hard. But I know she can hear me even though I’m talking softly. “I love you. I know you don’t want to hear it, but I do. And I’m not going to let this happen. I love you, Faith, and I’m going to take care of you. Just let me take care of you.”
She starts crying even harder, and I kind of want to question her on it. I want to ask her if she’s crying harder because she doesn’t want to hear that, or because she’s glad I’m going to help her. But as much as I want to ask I don’t. I just let her cry. I hear the door creak open and I look up. Giles is standing there with a worried expression on his face. I get it completely. I’m worried too. I’m worried that I won’t be able to protect her. If a judge decides Sam is better off Tanner I won’t be able to stop it.
I don’t want to think about that right now. I need to focus all of my attention on Faith because if I don’t I might run my hand through a wall or something. I gently rub the back of her head as she sobs so hard she can barely breathe. I kill her temple every few seconds and she’s starting to calm down. I have no idea how long we’ve been like this but I have a feeling that it’s late, like really, really late. I just need to close my eyes for a second. Just for a few minutes then I’ll get up and deal with everything.
Ok, this is weird. I’m in a bed, but I can tell it’s not my bed. And there’s something warm pressed against me. I open my eyes very slowly and wait for them to adjust to the light. Why is there light? I only closed my eyes for like, two minutes. I glance around the room and I can just tell I’m in Giles’ bedroom. But how did I get here? I look over to the other side of the bed, and what I see makes me smile.
Sam is the warm thing pressed against me. Her little butt is pressed into my side, and she’s facing away from me. Her other half is snuggled up to Faith. She has her little arms wrapped around her, and they look peaceful. I frown though when I see Faith. She has bruises all over her face. Most of them have already faded to almost nothin, but a couple are still a little dark. Her arms are even worse though, and her hands have cuts on them.
I very slowly sneak out of the bed. I don’t want to wake them up or anything. But they stay asleep, which I’m grateful for. If Faith knew what I’m going to do then I don’t think she’d let me leave peacefully, and she’d probably take off. Once I’m out of the room I go into the bathroom and look in the mirror. Things aren’t too bad, which his good. The goal this morning is to look intimidating not clinically insane.
I think it’s pretty safe to say that Giles is the one who put us in his bed. I am pretty grateful because sleeping on the couch like that would’ve been really uncomfortable. Anyway, he didn’t take my shoes off, which I’m glad because I can just leave without having to wait. That’s exactly what I do. I go down the stairs and I’m out the door before Giles can say a word. As soon as the door is shut behind me I start running as fast as I can.
I run up the stairs, and down the sidewalk. Passed all of the houses, and the driving cars. Passed all of the kids on bikes and skateboards, and rollerblades. I barely look at the as I run by, and all I can really focus on in the anger building up in my body. As much as I want to I can’t kill Tanner. He’s a human, and even though he’s a worthless one who doesn’t deserve to live it’s not my call to make. So I can’t kill him, but there are a lot of ways to hurt someone without killing them.
I slow down to a fast paced walk when I get to my house. His truck is still here, but that’s no guarantee that he’s inside. Still I have to find out. When I open the door the smell is the first thing that hits me. Not literally, but you get the idea. It smells like vomit, and alcohol, and piss. Oh yeah, it’s going to be fun cleaning that up. I ignore it the best I can and go upstairs. That’s probably where he is since that’s where Faith’s bedroom is. Notice how I said ‘Faith’s bedroom’? Yeah, he’s as good as gone in my mind.
When I see him laying on the bed in nothing but his boxers my stomach tightens. Just looking at him is painful because I want to run over there and rip his throat out. But I don’t do that. Instead I run over to the bed and grab onto the sheets. I pull as hard as I can and he goes flying off the bed. He crashes to the floor, and when he hits he lets out a loud yell. I walk over to the other side of the bed, and kick him in the ribs.
“What the…fuck, bitch?” he breathes out as he grabs his ribs. I don’t say anything though. I reach down, and grab a fist full of his stupid sandy blonde hair. I pull up and he yells out in pain. Even though he’s on his feet I don’t let go of his hair. “Let me go you fucking bitch.” Ok, I’ll let you go. I let go and punch him in the face. He stumbles back, and slams into the wall. His mouth is bleeding and he looks pretty pissed off.
“You shut up, and just listen,” I say and I get right in his face. He looks a little scared and I’m glad. I want more of it, and I know I have to be careful. “You like beating up on women, huh? It makes you feel tough, and manly. Is that right?” He tries to say something so I punch him in the face. “I said just listen.” He’s already getting a black eye and I want to smile but I don’t.
“You made a big mistake doing this shit in my house.” I wrap my hand around his neck and slam him against the wall. My grip is tight, but not too tight. He can still breathe…a little. “Faith won’t go to the cops because she’s afraid of the Council, but trust me if you ever come near her again you’ll wish you were in prison.” I tighten my grip a little more, and now he’s starting to turn funny colors. I need to make this quick.
“You are going to leave, you’ll get the fuck out of Sunnydale, and you’ll never come back. If you try to take Samantha away from Faith, if you even think about taking her to court, or kidnapping Sam you will be a footnote in history. I won’t kill you, Tanner. I’m a slayer, that’s not what I do. But I have nothing against breaking your legs and leaving you in a cemetery for the vampires to find.”
I let him go and he falls to the floor. He’s coughing, and gasping for breath. Maybe I shouldn’t have held on so tight. Then again he did beat his baby so I really don’t care how uncomfortable he is right now. I wait and watch while he stands up. He looks at me with nothing but hate. Man, I really want to kill this guy. I don’t move though. I just stand here, staring him down.
“They’re my family,” he says and coughs a little bit. Right, they’re his family. If they were really his family he wouldn’t beat on them. “And I’m not gonna let some little blonde whore take it away from me. You wanna fuck her, is that it?” My jaw clenches and my back tenses up. “I’ll let you fuck her.” I punch him hard in the face and he falls down. I kick him really hard in the stomach and he groans in pain.
“Faith is not a whore. She’s not your property that you can loan out to someone else.” I grab him by the back of the neck and pick him up. “You know about demons, right? I mean, Faith is a slayer so she must’ve told you about demons.” When he doesn’t say anything I squeeze even harder and he nods his head yes. “Demons are really big fans of rituals, and most of those rituals require human body parts. All I have to do is take you downtown and I can sell you to some nasty creatures, and by the next day there won’t be any body parts for the police to find.”
I let go of him, and he stumbles away from me. He looks pretty scared even though he’s trying to hide it. I don’t take my eyes off of him for a second as he goes over to the closet and grabs a duffle bag. He starts tossing clothes in it, most of them are probably dirty since he’s grabbing them off the floor. He goes to pick up a black t-shirt from the corner of the room, but he stops.
He gets this sad look on his face for about five seconds. He picks the shirt up, and tosses it on the bed, and now he looks even more pissed off then before. He puts on some clothes, grabs his wallet and keys off the dresser and he leaves. He stomps down the stairs, slams the front door, and gets in his truck. I hear him slam the door, and he peels out of the driveway. I just pray he takes my advice, because if Faith loses Sam after all they’ve been through I don’t know what she’ll do.
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Know Who I Am