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Both Sides Now	By : addielogan Category: BtVS AU/AR > Het - Male/Female Views: 6136 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 19
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With everything
they'd had to do to prepare to make the move from Rome to London, the last week
and a half had passed quickly for Dawn.
Still, she was
ready to leave, ready to get to London and see Andrew again. Her anger faded
more the longer they were apart, and she found herself missing him more than
anything else. Her bed seemed too big, too cold now, and all too often she'd
start aching for his touch, longing for the way his skin felt against hers.
She'd wake up in the night, throbbing, wanting him so badly it hurt.
Even beyond that,
she just missed him. She wanted to hear him laugh, see him smile. She
kept thinking of things she wanted to tell him, and frowning when she
remembered she couldn't.
But the waiting
would be over soon. They were on their way from the Watcher's Council's private
hangar bay to Slayer Central and Dawn was eagerly awaiting the arrival. It felt
even more like they were starting over than when they left Sunnydale, more like
starting something new than the impromptu move to Rome that still left Dawn
scratching her head as to why they'd done it.
London made sense.
Buffy taking over the every day operations of Slayer Central was something Dawn
thought she probably should be doing, and with Spike back in the picture as
Buffy's fianc�, Dawn felt like she had a real family again.
To add to her
happiness, Buffy had announced that morning that she had asked for a flat down
the hall from the one Spike and Buffy would be living in to be set up for Dawn.
Previously, Buffy had wanted Dawn to live in one of their spare bedrooms, something
Dawn had been less than thrilled with. She'd wondered a bit about Buffy's
sudden change of mind until she'd seen the discarded pregnancy test in the
bathroom and known why Buffy suddenly wanted the extra room to remain
vacant�for nine months at least.
Dawn smiled every
time she thought about that. She was going to be an aunt. Cool.
The driver
announced that they were almost there, and Dawn bounced a little in her seat,
her excitement barely contained. She looked out the window as they drew nearer,
taking in the place that would be her new home. It was larger than she'd
imagined, spanning several buildings to provide space for both living quarters
for the local Slayers and Watchers as well as business offices and training
facilities. And from the briefs that Giles had had sent over, it seemed like it
was quite a busy place.
The car pulled
into the driveway, and Dawn smiled. She was getting a new home and soon she'd
have her boyfriend back in her life. Things couldn't get any better.

*** *** ***
Dawn walked around
her new flat, hardly able to believe it was actually hers. It wasn't really
very large, but it was way bigger than the bedroom she'd had back in Rome, and
more than enough space for her anyway. And it was completely hers. No
more having to share her space with anyone. Well, anyone she didn't want to
anyway�
She had her own
kitchen, her own bathroom, and a door with a deadbolt. The whole place had been
furnished, complete with a television and stereo system�everything a seventeen
year old could possibly want. Except the boyfriend to cuddle up with while
watching the very shiny new television, but that would come soon enough. She
just had to find out where he was hiding out in the very large Slayer compound.
Dawn still wasn't
sure she'd ever learn to find her way around this place. She'd taken a wrong
turn earlier and ended up in the Slayer dining hall�a mistake she never wanted
to repeat. She made up her mind to stay in the staff living quarters unless
accompanied by an escort. And a map. And quite possibly a compass, too.
Except that she
really needed to find Andrew, and that was something
she would have to do on her own. They had to talk about things, sort them out,
and for that, it needed to be just the two of them. Dawn was pretty sure she
remembered how to get to Giles's office from what she'd seen that day, and
maybe he could point her in the direction of wherever Andrew was. Giles was,
after all, Andrew's boss. It would stand to reason that Giles would therefore
know where Dawn should go to find Andrew.
But she could do
that in the morning. It had been a long day, one that had started out in an
entirely different country. Dawn was tired, and all she wanted to do was curl
up in her new bed and sleep. Tomorrow she would find him, and tomorrow they would
talk.
Dawn yawned and
stretched before walking into her bedroom to search her suitcases for something
to sleep in.

*** *** ***
Dawn walked down a
long, cobblestone road, her surroundings not ones she recognized. The street
was empty save for her, and the wind whipped around her and chilled her to the
bone. Dawn wrapped her arms tightly around herself in a
attempt to stop her shivering. It didn't do her any good.
"You know,
I'm really getting sick of these all-too-vivid dream things!" Dawn called
out. "If you're like, living inside me, can't you just, like, send me a
memo while I'm awake?"
A familiar voice
that Dawn strained to place responded from an alley to her right. "You're
not ready."
"For
memos?" Dawn asked with a frown.
"For
all of this. For what you seek and what you'll face. You aren't ready."
The voice wasn't
the one she normally heard in these dreams, but it was familiar all the same.
She knew she should be able to put a name to it, but something was off, making
it just different enough that she couldn't place it. "Fine.
I'm not ready. So how do I get ready, huh? Is there like some sort of training.
Am I going to get my own personal Mr. Miyagi? Or�or is there like a book I have
to read? Learning How �to Be the Key in Twelve Easy Steps?"
"You're not ready
for more than just being the Key. You've still got so much growing to do."
"Growing? I
don't know about that. Buffy says if I get any taller, she's chopping me off at
the knees." Dawn cleared her throat. "I can't see you. If you're
going to talk to me, at least come out here."
"I'm right
here. I'm with you."
Dawn let out a
short yelp as the voice now came from behind her. She turned slowly, gasping
when she realized she was now face to face with�herself? But it wasn't her, not
quite anyway. This version was a little older and exuded a confidence that Dawn
had never known. Furthermore, Dawn knew she couldn't possibly be as beautiful
as the woman she was seeing now. "You are
me. Well, sort of�"
"All this has
been you. It's all inside of you, Dawnie. The strength, the power�it's there.
But you just don't know it yet."
Dawn swallowed.
"But�but you just told me, so I know now, right?"
The older Dawn
shook her head, her expression sad. "I'm afraid not. Learning like the
kind you have to do can only come through pain."
"But�but I
don't want pain. I've already had lots of that, so haven't I learned enough
from pain? Can't I learn from like big fluffy hugs or something?"
"Pain can
always teach us something new. And living through it�it makes the joy so much
sweeter."
"Can't I just
get sweeter joy by having lots of it? Candy starts to taste sweeter after I eat
so much I wanna barf." Dawn frowned. "Okay, that didn't really come
out the way it sounded in my head."
"I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I can't make it better."
"Make what
better? The pain I'm going to learn from?"
Dawn didn't get a
response with words. Instead, the older version of herself pressed a kiss
against Dawn's forehead. A green light emanated from the place where their skin
touched, spreading out until it engulfed them both. Then, it was gone, and Dawn
was once again alone.
Dawn looked around
frantically to see where the other her had gone, but she saw nothing. Suddenly,
the wind picked up, howling past her now, gaining strength until it was blowing
Dawn backwards. She screamed as the world around her faded in a blur and she
was falling, nothing but darkness surrounding her now.
She sat up
straight in bed, gasping to catch her breath as she did. "I'm really getting sick of those," Dawn
muttered as she flopped back on her pillow.

*** *** ***
Dawn was proud of
herself for not getting lost on her way to Giles's office the next morning.
Granted, she'd asked for directions and drawn herself a map, but she'd gotten
there with no serious problems at all.
"Hey Giles,
can I talk to you for a moment?" Dawn asked as she poked her head in past
his slightly-opened door.
Giles looked up
from his desk and gave Dawn a small smile. "Of course, Dawn. Anytime. Come in."
Dawn walked over
to the desk. Her arms were crossed over her chest, and she tried to push down
the butterflies that arose in her stomach. Why was she so nervous anyway? She
was just asking Giles if he knew where she could find Andrew�it wasn't like
this part was that big of a deal. The talking to Andrew part would be, sure,
but not this part. This part was easy.
So why did she
feel something strangely close to dread curling in her stomach?
"Did you need
something?" Giles asked. His question pulled Dawn out of her thoughts and made
her realize that she'd been standing there silent for longer than she should
have.
"Oh, right,
sorry. I was wondering if you could tell me where Andrew is. I need to talk to
him."
Giles frowned.
"Andrew? I assume you mean Andrew Wells."
"Yeah,
him. He
left Rome before us, and I haven't seen him since we got here."
"Andrew isn't
here, Dawn."
Dawn blinked.
"Oh. Well, when will he be back?"
"Not for some
time, I'm afraid," Giles replied. "He accepted a job for the Council that
will keep him away for at least the next few years."
Dawn stumbled back
a few steps, the dread in her stomach changing to something much worse. "Y�years?"
"Yes. I was
in Texas recruiting a newly located Slayer, or I would've stopped him from
going. He's been a surprisingly competent Watcher, and I've liked having him as
my second-in-command. But he apparently made the decision quite quickly and
refused to let anyone talk him out of it."
"Where did he
go?" Dawn asked in a small voice.
"We have some
Watchers who have agreed to travel through other dimensions in search of lost
texts. He's gone with a group of them."
Dawn couldn't
believe what she was hearing. Andrew had actually gone on one of those crazy
missions? "Make him come back!" Dawn yelled, startling Giles.
"I�I'm afraid
I can't, Dawn. The nature of this sort of endeavor requires them to sever
communication with the Council. I'm sorry."
"Is�is it
dangerous?"
"Yes, it
is," Giles answered truthfully. "Personally, I'd rather it not be
done at all, but several of the other Watchers believe it's imperative that we
recover these texts. I�" Giles stopped and looked Dawn over for a moment,
the pain on her face greater than what he would have expected. "Were the
two of you in a relationship?"
"I�I guess
not," Dawn replied. "I have to go�"
Dawn heard Giles
calling to her as she ran out of the office, but she didn't turn around, didn't
stop until she was back in her own flat. She sunk to the floor beside the door
and pulled her knees to her chin, tears streaming down her face as her heart
broke completely.
Andrew was gone.
She'd lost him�

*** *** ***
- 19
- 20
- 21
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