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Journal of a Watcher	By : Krulos Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > General Views: 1961 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (the series, in all forms) is the property of Joss Whedon, and thus far, him alone. I accept no money for this.

Chapter List
- 1-Journal of a Watcher
- 2-Kennedy's explosive temper.
- 1
- 2
Chapter 2.) Kennedy's explosive temper.
Author's Notes Chapter 2: Chapter rating is probably "high teen" at most accurate, I am not really certain what level of intensity is what age level. Again, sorry about that detail, I would correct that if I could, but for now I seem to have to suffer with this uncertainty.
I was up at about 5:15am some few days later in our home, when I heard the sounds of a workout going on in the family gym in the basement, several kiais were clearly heard. As I snuck down to the basement, I could see Kennedy in her workout cloths; what looked like a tight tank-top (but modest) t-shirt, gym pants, sneakers, et cetera. Her black hair was in a ponytail, tied with what looked like a rubber band, and she was really wailing on the punching bag in the family gym. I sipped my beverage- a hot chocolate- for the caffeine, mainly, plus I like the taste early in the morning, or late in the day… I find that it relaxes me, and helps me think calmly- maybe not the wisest idea., I really don't know.
As her workout continued, I began to detect that this was beyond her usual workout methods, sure she was working up a healthy sweat- something I am proud of her for- she was just keeping at it long after it was necessary for her health. "That's not a vampire, you know…" I said in a teasing tone, and returned to my sipping of my drink. "I may need to replace that thing soon, with the way she's going at it." I realized with a thought; sure enough, one final "Hyah" of hers, and the punching bag didn't detach from the ceiling, it simply disintegrated! Basically, the entire bag ruptured, and the innards went all over the floor, escaping from the bag itself! I burst out laughing! My child had demolished the darn thing- Completely! "She's upset." I realized.
Sure enough, I was correct… she looked right at me, flapped her arms against her sides, and said "Who messed me up?" I was seated on the stairs at the time. Then I realized she was mad. "This'll take some explaining to do…" I said, then got a funny smile on my face. For some moments, we just looked at eachother; her - flabbergasted over something, myself- amused. Then she practically shouted "What?", a little annoyed. "I was just remembering a pre-teen girl at age twelve with a striking resemblance to you interested in joining girl scouts."
Roughly six years before; about 1995.
I walked into Kennedy's room to talk to her, and found her wearing a blue and red checkerboard shirt-blouse, and long blue jeans, seated on her bed, her black hair bound in a pony-tail, and the twelve-year-old girl was reading a girl-scouts recruiting magazine with profound interest. It was pretty clear she wanted to join, clear to me at that moment. The main problem I saw was her orientation, and the kind of temptations it can lead to in her heart. Her legs were crossed, left over right, she just looked so content and pretty in that appearance. I just had to take delight in paternal love for her: taking delight in her development, caring for her in all matters (especially education and character), I especially delighted in her modesty in this situation, but as a man should to a girl; a protector, a father or brother, something like that, or a teacher (all good examples).
"My child, this will be a tremendous fight for you at times,,, of course, I'll support you in your interest in going into scouting, but the same rules apply to you as to any other person- platonic interaction only! You must maintain absolute alertness over your flesh; you'll have to see your 'troopmates' as you see Nina- as your 'sisters', NOT as potential dates… am I clear? I do not threaten you, you must understand- by trying to make-out with the other girls, you can get yourself in Tremendous trouble- even criminal charges!" This scared her, she didn't want to wind up in prison, but she knew well what charges I meant: attempted rape! I don't like scare tactics, but this is wise to let her know what the results of her actions are in advance, so she'll mind the consequences of her deeds- and thereby avoid the booby-traps of the Evil One in her case. She was then asked if she still thought she could do whatever is necessary to join and to remain pure; more for the sake of these new 'sorority sisters' she would be inheriting than for anything else "I think so, Dad." she said.
"If you have to, stay away from them,,, I know it's hard for a young female, but you'll have to risk being mocked sometimes, for it's better to keep one's mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and prove oneself one." "Ben Franklin, right, Dad?" she asked. "You know your history well, kiddo." was my response.
"And speaking of history…" I began "the likely sector you'll have to mind is what might be called 'Indian affairs'- your flesh. I'll try my best to see to it that you're able to have a private tent in campouts, for modesty's sake." "Dad, you implied that this 'computer glitch' that I have is from the Devil, now you say it's from the flesh, the two are quite different, we studied this in Catechism class, in Church School, now, as my Watcher, which one is it?" she practically demanded, worried, and had every right to demand accurate information on her situation- for her souls sake, so I'm more that happy to acquiesce to her request. "That's why I referred to 'Indian affairs' child, I believe your flesh is a 'cultural weakness', and so, the Evil One, like a tyrant in the manner of Stalin, would have it's agents- in this case: temptation, infiltrate your flesh, in the mind, to corrupt and twist you into it's agent in the real world" I could see my statement of truth hurt her, women and girls do NOT like to be thought of as weak, or flawed, so I'd have to explain "the weakness I spoke of is similar to a city being prone to rebellion- out of all humanity; only 2 humans didn't have a natural inclination to sin- to rebel against the moral order- the moral law… and these lived about 2000 years ago. The Devil- Lucifer, very rarely takes the front, it likes to fight wars by proxy- using minions to fight wars- it tried open warfare, the result was disastrous for it's cause." I was explaining. "The benefits of 'warfare by proxy', utilizing minor nations that will easily be overrun are multifold for a foreign invader, at least some of them are: 1.) it can drain the manpower of the target nation and distract them from the real target- or threat, 2.) the propensity for a hatred-based genocide of a weaker nation is much greater- especially if it's based upon greed, and that basically retards the development progress of the more powerful nation, 3.) the 'after effects', nobody wants to be known as a murderer- that does some kind of psychological damage that is not easily remedied, and that will damage the victorious nation's self-image, possibly to the point of not making it's subjects want to defend their country any more- just think of how the left of today has taken advantage of the destruction of the American Indian Nations- their conquest… true, the 'trail of tears' is a dark deed of the United States, and seems to have been motivated by a form of both paranoia and greed."
As I talked to her, it dawned upon her what I mean; a combination temptation.
After some discussion, it was clear to both of us what was needed for my child to join Girl scouts, and the reality that she wanted to do so, so I promised to help her, but she'd have to control herself absolutely. I thought that would be a perfect practice for her to maintain modesty in her heart (something vital for Catholics- if they want to see God in the after-life, something I wanted for her and her sister immensely), she'd have to remain pure in her heart- and this meant she'd have to actually seek purity in her life. I told her so, and her response was predictable "Dad, is it possible for a lesbian to be pure in her heart?" she questioned, with a degree of desire to do so- she could clearly see it as desirable to be modest. "As possible as for anyone else- it's lust that threatens purity, not orientation, my daughter. So fight it, and don't regard your orientation as any kind of condemnation." I explained to her with kindness in my voice.
She hugged me "Thanks, Dad, you have really made my day!" she exclaimed, extremely happy to be able to partake in these outdoor activities.
Our Home about November of 2001:
She looked at me quizzically, and I just patted the step next to myself on the stairs, as if to say 'sit down here' with my left hand. We'd have to clean up the floor, I knew, but that could be done at a slightly later time, right now my child needed my help and assistance with her internal troubles related to her orientation and feelings. As I held my large mug of hot cocoa in my hands and thought, occasionally licking my lips, she folded her hands in her lap. The pause lasted for roughly five to eight minutes before I started talking to her about what had happened, but she started first "Dad, sorry about the punching bag." "It's expected, judging from your strength and skills demonstrated thus far, that the thing would break, I just never conceived of it disintegrating under a pummeling like the one you just gave it!" I exclaimed, shocked, and kind of cracking up. "You must have been furious, do you want to talk about it?" I asked her.
She then looked at me as if I was daft; as if to say "Of course I want to talk about it!" in response to my suggestion. "I think the being who messed you up is called "the serpent in the garden", and I'd advise you not to go looking for him." I said, and from her facial expression, I could tell that this upset her big time! She doesn't like to let anything wrong go un-avenged if it is an attack on either her or one of her friends or loved ones! That little rule I learned about her from when she was a very little girl too. "Oh, it will self-destruct in the system of rule, of that I can assure you! Just look at the USSR in recent history: it was a profoundly economically unstable nation, and to be a successful warrior, you have to mind all details of warfare and combat- a good training for this activity is wargames, in fact, Kennedy." I told her; appealing to her propensity for intelligent ideas. Of this she comprehended the concept almost immediately.
"Do you remember how much fun you had with campouts in Girl Scouts?" I asked her, and my little tomboy's face lit up immediately, she had loved those activities!
"Well, if our world broke down; that'd be everyday life, not a vacation, so I would emphasize learning those skills." I told her. She was still upset about what had happened a bit earlier, and how she had been feeling abused by structure, or something like that.
Right about then, her stomach grumbled rather loudly, and she said "Hoop! BLT time! Preferably with Mayo." and headed up the stairs. As she headed up, I found myself starting to gaze at her in a weird way, thinking "She sure is getting attractive." then I shook myself into my senses, and rebuked myself as she strode up the stairs in her shorts, trying to get up and get herself a lunch. My rebuke went something like this "Get ahold of yourself- Brian! She's your Daughter! OF COURSE you should be appreciative of her accomplishments, besides the biological fact that She's your Child, you're Married!" and I proceeded to berate myself, in a effort to pound down the rebellion that had cropped up in my head and heart with every single weapon at my disposal- it literally was an obliteration offensive, as I had no intention of any remnants surviving in any state that could continue that Perverse and Adulterous thought-train! I absolutely hated that thought-trajectory!
At the same time, I was upset with myself for the fact that my thoughts got along that track of ideas; but if I had any sense, I knew that I should read it as a Temptation, and NOT as a sin, as the tirade I launched against that idea should have demolished any consent for it in my heart! I was scared, to say the least, but knew that nothing has come of that idea at all!
All in all, as I sat reminiscing over what had occurred, I knew that I should be satisfied, and aware that the Evil One had tried to mess me up and had failed in his larger goal, but the reality that that idea had entered my head still frightened me immensely, so I sent as many divisions of my own defenses as I had available to re-enforce my presence in my control of the flesh that I had established so long ago- and that I valued so darn much. Honestly: I was absolutely terrified!
"What's up with you?" I berated myself, knowing that I know better than to think that about my own child "She's most appropriately dressed for this activity that she was taking part in- How Could You?!" I was still upset over having thought that about my little girl! Honestly: no amount of emotional running-down is even close to adequate for even having such thoughts! That's my attitude, unequivocally and forever!
As soon as I got to my journal, I proceeded to write the following information down in it:
To my children:
To be perfectly honest- no amount of self-abasement is even close to adequate as a self-punishment for even having ideas of the flesh in yourselves, but remember: Don't EVER Torture yourself! Mutilations are a NO-NO! Never-Ever do them! Remember: Your body is a Divine Temple- Don't Desecrate it- Ever!
I wrote that as a warning, not knowing how long I have to protect and teach these young ladies about right and wrong.
Right about then, Nina and Kennedy started to do their schoolwork, and to help eachother out with it; they had worked out a mutual 'grading and tutoring' system between them, as many young sisters will do with eachother- each helping the other out with understanding her assignments. While I envied and valued their love for eachother, and mutual support, I didn't approve of them doing this kind of helping of eachother- as it was too close to cheating the other person out of their lessons. However, so long as their 'surprise quizzes' were passed, I decided not to care really about that, for these young girls would learn their lessons soon enough and well enough.
As I watched my teen daughters go about their day's assignments: I elected to go over my own situation, just to make certain that it wouldn't happen again! And as far as I could discern, it was just a sudden temptation- supposedly from the Evil One, but I was still profoundly upset with myself for getting attacked in this way! As well as being scared too! Very Scared!- of what would happen to Me, and my soul! However, I had correctly figured out that that evil desire could only have been a letter from the First Evil- the Devil itself, but Man was it still upsetting.
It can take a lot to upset me: I had fought in Vietnam during the war, but This idea was Way too close to home for my tastes, and set me into a protective sort of 'berserk mode' or 'protective rage'- kind of like Smaug in The Hobbit when he figures out that he's been robbed!
My little girls, however, figured out that I was upset by my mannerisms of behavior, the way my body kept on twitching continuously in weird ways, and it made them rather nervous too.
Author's Notes: End Chapter 2: In this one, the main message is that Purity is good, whereas evil desires are usually from the venue of the Flesh, but Commanded by the Evil One.
This is also designed as a fun family-based storyline, and the most fun I had in thinking up this chapter was having Kennedy want to join Girl Scouts at about age twelve.
The message in that one part (where Kennedy is trying to join Girl Scouts) is that she's GOT to be pure, and see her troop-members as her Sisters, NOT as 'potential lovers', although loving them is Going to be an asset for the young girl.
Every fanfiction story of mine has a moral in it; and many chapters in my stories do too.
This element will lead to the next chapter, and there probably will be one.
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Journal of a Watcher