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Baby, It's Cold Outside	By : addielogan Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > Het - Male/Female > Buffy/Spike(William) > Buffy/Spike(William) Views: 8726 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Baby, It's Cold Outside
- 2-2
- 3-3
- 4-4
- 5-5
- 6-6
- 7-7
- 8-8
- 9-9
- 10-10
- 11-11
- 12-12
- 1
- 2
- 3
Buffy felt like she hadn't been
asleep ten minutes when she heard her mother calling her. She grumbled as she
rolled over. "What?"
"I need you to help me get a
Christmas tree. There's a nice farm up the road, but I doubt I can get one home
by myself. Some of that Slayer strength would come in handy."
"Can it wait until later?"
"I'd really like to start filling
this place with some Christmas cheer," Joyce replied.
"We can't have Christmas cheer
in a couple of hours?" Buffy asked hopefully.
"No. We're having Christmas
cheer right now. Get up."
Buffy mumbled to herself as she got
off the couch. "You know, this could be considered a form of child abuse.
And I think that couch is really a medieval torture device in disguise."
"Get
dressed, Buffy."
Buffy started towards her mother's
room where she'd left her suitcases, then stopped. "Mom, we can't leave
now. Spike will be in the cabin all alone."
"Honey, I checked on Spike
this morning. He's fine�sleeping."
"That's not what I meant. If
we leave, he could escape."
"Into broad
daylight with no shelter from the sun for miles?"
"Okay, maybe he couldn't
escape. But he could still do something evil."
"Like what? There's not really
a lot of 'evil' to be done around here."
"He could�" Buffy
frowned, searching for something to say. "He could loosen the top of the
salt shaker so if we use it, all the salt will dump out at once."
Joyce raised an eyebrow.
"That's the best you can come up with?"
"Hey, that's pretty evil. Too
much salt can kill you."
"Buffy, go get dressed."
Buffy grumbled as she made her way
to the bedroom.

***
*** ***
"How's this, Mom?" Buffy
asked under the strain of the six foot tall evergreen.
"Not quite right. Maybe a little more to the left?"
Buffy muttered under her breath,
trying to ignore the assault of pine needles in her face as she moved the tree.
"Is this good?"
Joyce scrutinized the tree.
"No, that's too far. Go back right again."
Buffy sighed,
the tree swaying as she almost lost her balance. "Here?"
"Almost. Move up a bit. It's too close to that back
wall."
Buffy tried moving the tree again,
but this time she stumbled. The pine came crashing down, pinning Buffy beneath,
her arms sticking out from either side. "Buffy!"
Joyce yelled, running over to her. "Honey, are you okay?"
"I've had worse," Buffy
replied from under the tree. "Think maybe you can help me?"
Joyce attempted to lift the tree,
but managed only to drop it back on Buffy, who grunted in pain. Spike walked
out of the bedroom, surveying the scene with amusement. "Need help?"
he asked.
Buffy lay under the tree,
humiliation filling her completely when she heard Spike's voice. If there was
one thing worse than being trapped under a Christmas tree, it was being trapped
under a Christmas tree and having
your mortal enemy see it.
"Spike! We didn't wake you, did we?" Joyce
asked.
"Um, Mom, more important
issues here than whether or not Spike got a good day's sleep."
Spike contained his laughter as he
went over, easily lifting the tree off Buffy and setting it upright again. He made
sure the stand was secure before turning back to Buffy, who was by this point
covered in pine needles. "That's a nice look for you, Slayer."
"Drop dead, Spike."
"Too late,
luv."
"Buffy!" Joyce snapped.
"Spike just helped you! You apologize for being rude and tell him thank you!"
"Mom! I am not apologizing or thanking
Spike!"
"You do it right this instant,
young lady!"
Buffy hung her head, unable to look
Spike in the face. "I'm sorry and thank you."
"Apology accepted, Slayer. And
you're welcome."
Buffy glanced up slightly, the fury
in her eyes quite clear to the vampire. He smirked.
"Um, Joyce�is there any way to
the kitchen that doesn't pass the picture window? It's a bit sunny for my
tastes at the moment" Spike asked.
"Oh! I didn't even think about
that!" Joyce replied. "Spike, I'm so sorry! Are you hungry?"
"A little,
yeah."
"Don't worry about it. I'll go
heat you up some blood right now. How hot do you like it?"
"Ninety
eight point six."
"Of course. I'll be right back."
"Mom! You can't go fix a mug of blood for a
vampire. It's just�wrong. Spike can wait until he can do it himself."
Spike turned to Buffy, running his
tongue over his teeth. "Nothing you haven't done, pet." He winked.
"That�that was a spell!"
Joyce looked over at her daughter,
her hands placed on her hips. "Buffy, as I've said before, Spike is our
guest�and right now, our guest is hungry." She turned away from Buffy and
smiled sweetly at Spike. "I'll have it for you in a minute, dear."
"Thanks Joyce."
Buffy threw her hands up in
disgust. As her mother left the room, she turned to Spike. "You know, this
isn't cute."
"What, your pine-fresh
look?"
Buffy glared, angrily picking the
needles off of her. "No. You pretending to like
my mom."
"I do like your mom."
"You said last night your were harassing me."
Spike smiled. "Added
bonus."
"Well, you're laying it on a
little thick."
"Your
point?"
"Almost everything in this
cabin is made of wood, Spike. Maybe you should think about that."
"You should watch the threats,
Slayer. Mum wouldn't approve."
The vampire and the Slayer stared
at each other, their narrow gazes locked until Joyce walked out from the
kitchen, carrying a mug with her. The design on the outside appeared to be a
frowning Scrooge, but as the warm liquid inside heated it up, the image changed
to a smiling Santa. "Here you go, Spike."
"Thank you, Joyce," Spike
replied, taking the mug. "I really appreciate it."
"You're very welcome. Anything
else I can get you?"
"No, this will be fine."
"I'm going to take a
nap," Buffy announced, heading towards her mother's room. "In a bed. You two have a nice afternoon."
"I just don't know what's
gotten into her," Joyce said as Buffy shut the door.
Spike smirked, drinking his blood.

***
*** ***
By the time Buffy woke, the sun was
down. She could hear Spike and her mother talking somewhere in the cabin, and
she groaned. This would be bearable if Joyce would just let her keep Spike
bound and gagged, but no. He was their "guest." Buffy figured it could
have been somewhat funny if it wasn't so horrifying.
When Buffy entered the kitchen, she
realized she had yet to know truly horrifying until that moment. Spike and her
mother were�decorating Christmas cookies? "What are you doing?" Buffy
asked, even though the answer was obvious.
"Spike's helping me with the
cookies," Joyce replied.
"But I always do that,"
Buffy said in a pitiful voice.
"Well, you decided to sleep
the day away," Joyce replied. "But you can help now if you
want."
Buffy grumbled, sitting down at the
table. It was easy to tell which cookies Spike had decorated. The Santa with
fangs and black icing ridges on its forehead was a giveaway. "You do
realize he's making cookies of evil, don't you?" Buffy asked.
"I think they're cute,"
Joyce said. "Very creative." She stood.
"Why don't you help decorate the rest of them, Buffy? I need to take a
shower. I think I have flour in my hair."
"I'd rather decorate them with
you instead of him," Buffy replied.
"I'll be back out in a little
bit," Joyce said, ignoring her daughter's angry muttering.
As soon as Joyce was out of the
room, Spike grabbed a gingerbread man and began very carefully drawing on a
face with icing. Buffy frowned as she realized what he was doing. Pointed hair,
fangs, and a prominent brow� She hated to admit it, but it was a rather good
cookie likeness of her ex-lover. Spike finished by writing "Peaches"
across the cookie man's chest, then looked up at Buffy,
an evil gleam in his eye. He ripped the head off with his teeth, giving her a
smirk as he swallowed it.
"That's it!" Buffy
yelled, leaping up and tackling Spike to the ground. She pulled a stake out
from where, Spike wasn't sure, and held it above his heart. "I've had
enough of you," she growled.
Just then, Joyce rushed into the
kitchen. "Buffy! What are you doing?"
"He made an Angel cookie! And
then he bit its head off!" Buffy frowned. "And weren't you in the
shower?"
"I was about to be when I
heard a commotion in the kitchen. Buffy, staking guests is not appropriate
either."
"But, Mom! Angel cookie!"
Spike looked up at Joyce, his
expression the very picture of innocence. "Buffy Anne Summers, get up this
instant. If I come out of the shower to find you've hurt Spike, you are going
to be in more trouble than you have ever been in your life. Do you understand me,
young lady?"
Buffy got up, the stake
disappearing again. "Yes," she mumbled.
"I didn't hear you."
"Yes!"
Joyce smiled. "Good. Now you
two play nice." Joyce left the kitchen again.
"One of these days she's not
going to be around to protect you."
"And one of these days this
chip won't be around to protect you."
They glared at each other for a
moment before both sitting down at the table and resuming the cookie
decorating.

***
*** ***
"It was horrible, Willow. I
had to decorate a Christmas tree with Spike." Buffy frowned, twirling the
phone cord around her fingers.
"Was he a total meanie about
it?"
"No! That's the worst part!
He's like the sweetest guy in the world with my mom around. He's all 'oh, let
me get that Joyce' and 'oh, I love to help, Joyce.' It's driving me insane.
Granted, that's exactly why he's doing it, but dammit, it's working!"
"I'm sorry, Buffy."
"And do you know what he did
today? He made a gingerbread Angel and bit its head off!" Buffy frowned at
the sound coming from the other end of the line. "Willow, are you
laughing?"
"Sorry, Buffy, but that's
kinda funny."
"It was mean, and he's causing
me emotional distress and ruining my Christmas!"
"Have you tried ignoring
him?"
"What?"
"He's doing it for attention,
obviously. If you don't give it to him, maybe he'll stop."
"Willow, it's
Spike. He's so annoying it's physically impossible to ignore him."
"Then I don't know what to
tell you, Buffy. What's he doing right now?"
"Watching It's a Wonderful Life with my
mother."
"That's a scary thought."
"Tell me about it. Oh, did I
mention I'm sleeping on the couch?"
"What?"
"Spike gets the bed. There's
less sunlight in the bedroom, apparently."
"That does sound rather sucky. I know it doesn't help much, but I am sorry you're
not having a good time."
"Thanks, Wills. And I'm sorry
I've been bitch-a-lot Buffy, but grr. Spike has me
totally at my limits. I don't think I've ever wanted to stake him so bad�and that's
saying a lot."
"Just six more days, and
you'll be Spikeless again."
"Oh believe me, I know. I'm
counting down the seconds."
"It could be worse," Willow
replied. "Your mom could be gone, and you could be stuck with just
Spike."
"Oh god, Willow, don't say
anything that horrible! Stuck up here with Spike�I'd end up like Jack Nicholson
in The Shining." Buffy sighed.
"Hey, I should probably go. Leaving Spike alone with my
mom for too long creeps me out. I'm afraid I'm going to go out there and
find them knitting stockings to hang over the fireplace."
"If that happens, call me and
I'll work out some sort of emergency rescue."
"Thanks."
"And call me any time you need
to vent a little. It helps with sanity-retention."
"Will do. Bye, Wills."
"Bye, Buffy."

***
*** ***
Buffy stood, tapping her foot as
the phone rang. Finally, there was a click on the other line and a mumbled word
that could've been "hello." "Willow! Thank goodness you're
home!"
"Buffy, it's
six o'clock in the morning. Where else would I be?"
"Did you do another 'will be
done' spell?"
"Huh?"
"Did you do another
spell?"
"No. Why?"
"Because my
mother is leaving!"
Buffy exclaimed. "I'm going to be alone with Spike�just like you said last
night on the phone!"
"What! Your mother is going to
leave you alone with Spike for Christmas?"
"Not for Christmas. Just for a
day, she says. Some sort of emergency at the gallery. But that's a whole day
cooped up in here with Spike!"
"Buffy, I swear, I didn't do a
spell. It's just a really unpleasant coincidence."
Buffy sighed, able to tell that
Willow was indeed telling the truth. "It's official. Someone up there
hates me."
"Look on the bright side�with your
mother gone, you can spend a night sleeping in a bed instead of the
couch."
"I guess that's
something," Buffy grumbled.
"Um, now that we've
established I didn't do any magicks, can I go back to sleep?" Willow
asked.
"Yeah. Sorry for waking you."
"It's okay. Bye."
Before Buffy could say anything,
the sound on the other end of the line switched from her best friend's voice to
a dial tone. Buffy sighed, hanging up the phone. Slowly, she walked to the
living room where her mother was preparing to leave. "Do you have to
go?" Buffy asked.
"Yes. I'm really sorry, sweetie, but it'll only be a day. You'll be okay
until I get back. You'll have Spike to keep you company."
"That's the problem."
"Honey, he's not that bad. If
you'd just give him a chance�"
"I am not giving Spike a chance. He is an evil, repulsive vampire. Maybe
you don't see that, but I do."
"I'm just saying you should
make the best of the situation, Buffy. Try not to be so negative."
"Not be so negative? I'm going
to be stuck in here with my least favorite person ever."
Joyce slung her bag over her
shoulder. "Be good, Buffy. Call me if you need anything." She kissed
her daughter on the forehead.
"But, Mom�"
"Be good, Buffy!" Joyce
said again before walking out the door and shutting it behind her.
Buffy slumped down on the couch.
"Well, isn't this just the most craptastic Christmas ever."

***
*** ***
When Spike came out into the living
room that afternoon, Buffy was sitting on the couch, staring into the lit fireplace.
"Whatcha thinking, Slayer? 'Fire pretty?'"
Buffy whipped around, obviously
startled by the vampire's presence. "Go away, Spike."
"Where's your mum?"
"She had to go back to
Sunnydale for the day. Something for the gallery.
She'll be back some time tomorrow. And before you ask, I'm not getting your
blood for you."
"Mum wouldn't like it if she
came home to find out you let the guest go hungry�"
Buffy gaped. "So you'd what,
tattle on me?"
Spike's only response was a grin.
Buffy threw her arms up. "Fine. I'll get your
damn blood. But I'm not making sure it's heated to human body
temperature!"
Spike grinned wider as Buffy
stormed off to the kitchen. A nice comfy cabin and the Slayer fetching his
blood� Spike decided it was the best Christmas ever.

***
*** ***
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Baby, It's Cold Outside