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Remember Me	By : Janina Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > Threesomes/Moresomes > Angel(us)/Buffy/Spike(William) > Angel(us)/Buffy/Spike(William) Views: 8254 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1
- 2
- 3
Thank you Shelly!!

Chapter Twenty-Two

"Buffy, I--" Spike started.

"I can't use my magic, I'm tied up, my head is filled with. . ." She squeezed her eyes shut, "why didn't you just kill me?" She finally whispered.

"Buffy, luv--"

"DON'T CALL ME THAT EVER YOU MONSTER!" She screamed at the top of her lungs, thrashing her chains. Angel fell out of bed, which in other circumstances would have been comical.

Spike stared at his beloved in shock. The force of her anger was enough to knock him over. But, there was something else too. She was trembling, her eyes were now wild. Confusion and something else that was driving her outburst. Fear. He could smell her fear.

"Buffy, calm down," Angel tried, standing up.

She darted her eyes to him, "calm down? What the fuck did he do to me--what did YOU do to me?"

Angel gave Spike an 'I told you so' look as Giles burst through the room.

"Good lord, what is all the screaming about? Oh. Buffy, you're awake."

Her eyes widened, "you? You know them? You're supposed to be a Watcher!"

"Former Watcher. Buffy, these two vampires, they have their souls."

Silence fell over the room and then Buffy burst out in hysterical laughter as tears poured down her cheeks. "Souls?" She managed between her laughter. The sound sent chills up Angel and Spike's backs.

"Just kill me, just kill me and get it over with," she finally said, her laughter dying abruptly.

"No. We love you," Angel told her.

Her eyes closed and she shook her head as she tried to fight against the chains that held her bound.

"Could I have a moment with Buffy please?" Giles asked suddenly.

Buffy opened her eyes and glared at him.

"Sure. Come on Spike," Angel told his grandchilde.

Spike could only nod as he stared at his girl. His girl that hated him. He followed Angel out of the door with his head down.
Giles watched Buffy intently as she watched him. She was tense, he could see every muscle in her body bowed tight, her breathing was ragged, her eyes wild. She appeared every bit the caged animal unaware of its surroundings but definitely sure it wasn't where it should be, or wanted to be.

"Buffy, do you remember anything?" Giles asked as he took a seat in the only chair in the room opposite the bed.

"What are you doing? Why am I here? Where's Lindsey? Does he know?"

"Buffy, all questions will be answered if you answer mine."

She narrowed her eyes at him, "I have to cut a deal with you now? How's THAT work?"

"An answer for an answer?"

She gritted her teeth, "fine. Me first. Why am I here?"

"An injustice was done against you that must be rectified. Do you remember anything?"

She stiffened even more if it were possible. "I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?"

"I ask next!" She shouted at him. "What are you going to do to me?"

"Nothing that will hurt you, Buffy, I promise."

"I'm tied up, away from my Watcher, away from my home with two vampires that. . . that. . . " She closed her eyes tight and her
bottom lip quivered. She was fighting for control. "And you're not going to hurt me?"

"If I could trust that you wouldn't hurt US and run off, I'd release you in a heartbeat Buffy."

"Do it."

"I'm sorry, I can't."

"You're not sorry," she scoffed.

"I am sorry, Buffy. I'm sorry for what's happened to you. But if you let me, I will help you. I'll help you to learn the truth of what's
become of you. I'm a former Watcher, Buffy. I killed vampires, demons and Gods. I've trained Slayers to do the same. I did it for many years. I still believe in fighting evil and doing good. Do you believe me when I tell you that I would not invite demons into my home, into my life if believed they were doing harm? When I tell you that Spike and Angel have their souls, I mean it."

Buffy remained silent.

"You believe me don't you? Spike's bite�It made you see things, correct?"

She fell silent and looked away from him. "Buffy�"

"Lindsey will find me. Quentin will come after me once he finds out I'm missing."

"Quentin Travers is the Devil himself," Giles ground out. "Lindsey McDonald is nothing but one of his minions."

Buffy dropped an icy glare at him, "you leave Lindsey alone," she told him icily.

"Do you trust him, Buffy?"

"I don't know who to trust," she whispered, staring down at the bed.

"Trust what you feel, Buffy."

Her head shot up and she stared him vacantly.

"I'll leave you alone now. Do you need anything before I go? The bathroom? Food? Drink?"

She shook her head. Stubborn as she was, she'd probably never admit to needing anything. Giles left her and felt his heart break
for her all over again. Spike's rash decision had done what he feared the most: Given her two sets of memories. One of her real life coupled with the ones that Travers had manipulated. The poor girl didn't know which end was up, what to believe, what to feel, who to trust. She was on the verge of a breakdown, that much was apparent.

He found Spike and Angel sitting silently in his living room. Angel stared blankly across the room while Spike sat gazing out a partially draped window.

"She's resting now. Well, as much as she can anyway," Giles informed them.

Spike looked up at him, sorrow written plainly on his face. "I�I didn't think. I'm sorry. I just wanted to help her. I wanted her back. Wanted to erase what they did to her."

Giles opened his mouth to speak, but Angel beat him to it. "There was nothing else we could have done," he said quietly. "Short of kidnapping her ourselves, there was no other way. Biting her. . . it jogged something inside her that nothing else would have touched." Angel looked up at Giles almost apologetically, "I'm sorry, but it's true. It's about the blood. The blood always remembers."

Giles said nothing. He wanted to believe that there had to have been something that could have been done that wouldn't have created such turmoil for the small girl in the other room. Unfortunately, he knew at the same time, that Angel was probably right. Now all they could do was wait. Buffy was in no state at that time to share what was going on inside her. She probably didn't even know.

Buffy stared up at the ceiling, mute. She was fighting the tears that kept threatening to spill. Images, words and feelings were swirling around inside her and she couldn't pinpoint one of them to save her life. In fact, she didn't want to save her life. She wanted release from the despair and confusion she was feeling.

FLASHBACK

"Tell me a story," Buffy said as she cuddled up against Spike's side. The three of them were sitting on the couch, just lounging and basking in each other's company. They were huddled on the couch, Angel had her legs draped over his lap and she leaned in to Spike, resting her head on his chest.

Spike smiled and dropped a kiss on her forehead. Angel smiled and rubbed her legs. "Okay, I'll tell you a story."

Reaching out, Buffy grabbed one of Angel's hands and entwined it in her own. Spike wrapped his arm around her and started speaking in a low voice.

"Once upon a time there was a man," he began.

"Is the man you?"

"Are you going to interrupt me through the whole story or are you going to let me tell it?"

"Sorry. Go ahead."

"So, anyway, there was this man. He wasn't much. He wasn't the brightest, the fastest�he wasn't the best at anything. He just was.

He bumbled through his life, just trying to get through it, just trying to live as he could. At times he fancied himself handsome,
intelligent, strong and untouchable. He wasn't though. As I said, he just was.
Then one day, he met a fair Princess. She lit up the world with her radiance, she was the sun in his dark world. With everything she touched, she brought life to it. And when she met this man, she brought him to life. She saw him and saw all that he could be and would be. She revived him so that he did become the brightest, the fastest, the strongest, but, he wasn't untouchable. He couldn't be because he needed to be everywhere and anywhere that his Princess was. She touched him as only she could."

"Did they live happily ever after?" Buffy asked, looking up at him with a gentle smile on her face.

"What do you think?" Spike asked her.

She rested her head against Spike's chest once again and squeezed Angel's hand. "I think they did. For there were two men and those men were already so radiant. They just didn't know it. If she glowed, it was only because she was reflecting the joy they brought her. They were meant for each other and they would stay together. Forever."

END FLASHBACK

"I want my mommy," Buffy whimpered to the ceiling. She started to sob, unaware of the
two vampires standing outside her room that felt helpless to do anything but listen to her sobs. Spike slumped to the floor and wept silently with his girl and Angel rested his head against the door, his eyes closed with his arms wrapped around himself.

Chapter Twenty-Three

"I need the bathroom now!" Buffy shouted at the top of her lungs after she awakened from what felt like a year's worth of sleep. It was the only escape she had from the �memories'.

Giles came bustling in a second later, biting his lip. "I can't just let you go," he told her sympathetically.

"Excuse me?"

"The bathroom. I can't just let you go and risk you running out."

Buffy narrowed her eyes, "what exactly are you telling me here? That you're going to stand there while I take a leak?" She shook
her head. "I'd rather wet the bed," she muttered.

"Well, that's a little extreme."

"So, what do you propose then?"

"The door stays open. Do your business with the door open and I'll stand guard."

"Can I get a shower out of this too or . . .?"

"Of course you can. I'm assuming you need clothes?"

"Yeah, I didn't think to pack in case of abductions when I went out hunting earlier," she said sarcastically.

Giles nodded, "I don't have any. . . I might have some shirts you could borrow. Would that suffice for now?"

"It'll have to won't it?"

"Yes, I think it will."

"Then fine."

"I'll have to stand outside the shower."

"You're kidding right? Standing outside the door isn't enough?"

"I can't take any chances."

"Of what? I'm thinking I won't be MacGyvering my way out of here with the soap and shampoo. I'm pretty inventive, but I don't
think I'm capable of that."

"I can't trust you to not escape, can I Buffy? Can I trust you to not do that?"

She stared at the older man with the kind yet stern face that she thought at one time she would like. She saw the regret in his
face, saw that he didn't want to do this.

"No, you can't trust me," she whispered, opting for honesty with him.

He nodded and silently unshackled her from the bed. Using smaller cuffs with a chain in between for her feet and wrists, he led her
to the bathroom.

"Where are they?" She asked wearily. How was it possible that she was tired still?

"In the living room. They didn't think you wanted them to help you to the bathroom."

"They're right."

She followed Giles down the hall and quickly caught sight of them sitting on opposite sides of said living room, heads down. She
felt the sudden urge to go to them, mainly Spike, but she quelled it as soon as it came. She dug her nails in her palms to keep
from reacting to the instinct and stared straight ahead, staring at Giles's back.

Entering the bathroom, Buffy took note of her surroundings. There was a window in the back and it was high and small. There was
no way she could escape through there. She sighed heavily. There wasn't any way she could escape them any way. Angel and Spike
were just down the hall. If she tried anything against Giles, they'd be on her in a heartbeat. She had to plan this.

"Are you feeling all right?" Giles asked, breaking her out of her musings.

She shot him a look.

Giles nodded, "right." He stared at her for, about to say something when Buffy cut him off.

"Can I pee now?"

"Of course," and he made his way out of the bathroom. He stood in the doorway. "Don't try anything Buffy."

"Don't worry, I won't," she muttered.

Standing in the shower, letting the warm water hit her skin felt like a little slice of heaven amidst the hell she was surrounded by.
She closed her eyes and had an image of her, Angel and Spike making love in the shower. Her eyes popped open. "Dammit," she swore.

"Everything all right?" Giles called out.

"Yeah, it's. . . peachy," she called back and turned up the hot water. She proceeded to scrub her body until it was raw. She needed to get to Lindsey.

Even if it wasn't her shirt she was slipping on, it felt nice to be putting something clean on. Using the spare toothbrush Giles had
placed on the counter, Buffy brushed her teeth as she thought about kissing the murderers in the next room. Spitting out the mouthful of toothpaste and wiping her mouth, she stared at herself in the half fogged mirror. She had dark circles under her eyes, she was pale, and skinny. She barely recognized the person staring back at her. The 'memories' that Spike had given her showed her a happy, healthy radiant Buffy. She forced a smile.

"That's something I haven't seen in a long time."

She jumped a mile and spun to see Angelus standing in the doorway instead of Giles. She glared at him. "What are you doing?"

"Giles had a phonecall."

Buffy rushed to the doorway, her only thought that it could be Lindsey. "Lind--" She started to shout before Angelus slammed his
hand over her mouth. She bit him, hard, and his blood splashed her tongue. Her eyes widened as well as the vampires. She took a step back, stumbling as more images flooded her mind. More memories, feelings and thoughts of Angelus. They coincided with the ones of Spike, and added more. She saw herself being dropped on Angelus's bed, kissing him, wanting him, yearning for him. She saw him comforting her as she wept for her mother. . . her mother.

Dropping to the floor, she closed her eyes tightly and gripped her own hair in her fists and tugged at her hair as hard as she could screaming "NO!!"

"Buffy, stop!" She barely heard Angelus yell before he sank to the ground with her and pried her fists out of her hair. He wrapped his arms around her, trapping her own against her body.

"What the bloody hell is going on in here?" Spike barked as he fled into the room, followed by Giles.

Angelus rocked her, trying to soothe her. "She bit me, she took in some of my blood," he told them.

Spike dropped down next to them, stroking her hair. "She remembers more?"

"Yes, I think so," Angelus murmured. "Buffy, talk to me please. What do you see? What do you remember?"

She didn't answer. Instead, she let her body go limp. She stared at the wall, not even seeing Spike stand in front of her, not even hearing the voices around her trying to get her to talk.

"She's shut down," Angel said softly, still holding onto her.

"How do you know?" Giles asked.

"She did this after her mother died. She didn't move, didn't talk. She retreated inside herself and didn't come out until she was
good and ready to. Gave Angel and I a fright for a few hours let me tell you." Spike leaned over and stroked Buffy's still wet hair. "Buffy luv? You in there, pet? We love you, kitten, come back to us all right?"

"The last thing she wants to do is come back to us," Angel told him, standing and lifting her with him.

Angel carried her into the bedroom and laid her down, wincing as Giles shackled her back to the bed.

"What happened? How did she end up biting you?" Spike asked.

"When she heard Giles was on the phone, she thought it was Lindsey and she started to yell for him. I put my hand over her
mouth and she bit me. Was it him?"

"No, but I expect to be hearing from him any time now. He must be frantic searching for her. My worry is when Quentin comes round."

Spike growled at the thought.

"Do you think it's possible that Lindsey could help?" Angel blurted out.

"What?" Giles and Spike asked, jaws dropped. "How?" They looked at each other funny and Spike took a few steps away from him.

"Lindsey is safe to her. He �saved' her from us. She trusts him right now, probably feels that he's the only one she can trust
because well, she doesn't know what's happening to her. She has all these memories floating inside her head right now, she can't discern which ones are real and which ones are fake."

"She feels though, she feels which ones are real and which ones are fake," Spike supplied.

"You don't know that. She's not exactly talking and whatever is going on inside her head is not settling well."

"She thinks you're playing tricks with her mind," Giles said suddenly, shaking his finger at them. He took off his glasses and
started to clean them with his shirt. "She believes the memories are a mind game that you're playing with her due to your claims on her."

"So maybe, if Lindsey loves her as much as he says he does, he'll help her. He'll tell her the truth. Didn't he say that the only way to help her was for her to find her old self?" Angel started to pace.

"Lindsey won't help us. He wants Buffy for himself. He'll call the troops in to make sure we're dust and we don't get near her," Spike told him, exasperated.

"There might be another way to reach her," Giles stopped and put his glasses back on. He looked up at Angel. "Do you think you
could get inside her mind?"

Angel blinked, "you mean like I did before in her meditation?"

"Exactly."

"You think she's there?"

"She's somewhere. Can you get there?"

Angel glanced down at Buffy, laying there, staring blankly at the ceiling. "I won't stop until I do," he promised.

Chapter Twenty-Four

Angel sat down beside her on the bed as Spike and Giles sat across the room, ready in case Angel and/or Buffy should need them. Taking Buffy's limp hands in his own, Angel first placed a gentle kiss in the palms before beginning. Closing his eyes, he allowed himself to ground and center. Relaxing his body he focused on her blood that was still part of him. He didn't have Buffy to bring him in this time, so he focused on reaching his essence out to meet and join with hers.

He became aware of her warmth first as it spread throughout his body. He then became aware of a tingling sensation starting at his feet and travelling to the crown of his head. He felt her then, all of her, all around him. He felt as if his feet had touched down and he opened his eyes. What he saw, startled him. This was not her happy place. Where she was. . . he wasn't sure.

There were two Buffy's in two alternate realities, each going on side by side of each other. In one reality Buffy was in a dark apartment with her mother scraped up and sipping hot chocolate, smiling through the pain at what appeared to be a tired, overworked and worried Joyce.

In the other, she was sitting the apartment she used to live in before her mother died. It was bright, cheery and homey. She was alone in the kitchen, her foot impatiently tapping the floor as she sat, obviously waiting for someone or something. She was staring at Angel.

"You made it," she told him simply.

"Where am I Buffy?"

"In my mind, silly. You already knew that."

"What happened to your meadow?"

"Buffy. . . you trust me?" Angel asked as he stepped through to the kitchen that Buffy sat at.

"Of course I trust you. You're my Angel."

"And Spike?"

"Of course. I love you both, you know that."

"What's happening here Buffy?"

"Oh you mean with the other place?" She asked, pointing to the wall that seperated the two realities.

He nodded.

Buffy bit her lip and looked sadly to the wall. "It's so sad over there. So much pain. Loss. Heartache."

"You know it never happened."

"She doesn't know that."

"She? You mean the other Buffy over there?"

Buffy nodded sadly. "You see the wall. She put it there. She doesn't want to see. You're not welcome over there. Neither am I."

"You and her. . . you're the same," he explained gently.

"No. . . that Buffy holds on to her despair. It's all she knows, all she thinks she knows. Her mind is not her own."

"Have you tried to break through? Have you tried to see her?"

"No. She keeps us separate. I'm not allowed. If I try. . . bad things will happen. To both of us."

"Like what Buffy?"

Buffy stared at him. "She wants to die," she whispered. She shook her head sadly, her ponytail bobbing back and forth. "It's sad
really. She's so lost."

"Do you have any idea how to help her?"

"No. I told you already. She's separated us. She keeps it that way."

"Come with me, Buffy. Let's try to see her," he moved to take her hand.

Buffy's eyes widened. "I can't do that," she said fearfully, recoiling from him as if he'd burned her.

"Why?"

"I don't want to become her!"

"She could become you," he told her gently, "you could merge and the pain would end. Buffy�"

"She won't do it. You can't make me!" Buffy shouted and shoved him as hard as she could.

Angel jumped and his eyes flew open.

"What happened?" Spike asked, coming over to him.

Angel stared down at Buffy, her eyes glassy. She was still gone to them.

"I think I figured out a way to get Buffy back," Angel told them.

Lindsey was frantic. Buffy had been missing for almost a full day and even though Quentin hadn't been sniffing around asking for her, Lindsey knew it was just a matter of time before he did.

His last concern, however, was on Quentin. His main concern was of course Buffy and her safety. Had she been hurt? Was she unable to get back to him? Settling himself down as well as he could and trying to reign in his emotions and scattered energies,
Lindsey tried a locater spell.

Nothing.

Where the fucking hell was she?

He knew where to start. The one person who might have more of an inkling than himself.

Giles.

"Who the bloody hell could that be?" Giles muttered as someone pounded on his door. He looked towards Angel and Spike whose first instinct was to stand in front of Buffy's lifeless body and protect her. "Don't make a sound. I'll get rid of whoever it is."

Shutting the door behind him, Giles straightened himself and made his way to the door. He opened the door to find a frenzied Lindsey.

"Mr. McDonald. How can I help you?" Giles asked as pleasantly.

"Buffy. She's missing. I can't seem to locate her. . .I tried a locater spell and I just can't. . . I need your help. I have to find her."

"Did she run away or did she leave of her own volition?"

"She snuck out. Snuck out last night after she came home from seeing you." Lindsey narrowed his eyes, "what did she see you
about exactly?"

"She didn't tell you?"

"She told me she saw Angelus and Spike while meditating. What did she say to you?"

"The same." How much she actually told Lindsey was piece of the puzzle that remained missing. Giles was not about to let loose
any information that could incriminate him, Buffy or Spike and Angel.

"Does Quentin know she's missing?"

"No, and he won't."

"How do you plan on hiding it from him?"

Lindsey tilted his head to the side, his wild eyes boring into Giles, his nostrils flared. "You going to tell him?"

"No, of course not."

"Then don't worry about it. Just help me find Buffy."

"Maybe she doesn't want to be found," that flew out of his mouth before he could stop it.

Lindsey looked surprised, "you know something," he accused and pointed at Giles.

"I know nothing. I do know that the girl has been through a lot and being under the thumb of Quentin Travers can't be helping
matters."

"You think I don't know that? I know what a monster he is!" Lindsey practically shrieked. "You think I LIKE working with him?"

"You do more than work with him, Mr. McDonald. You work under him. You're his pet."

Lindsey made a disgusted face. "I hate him. I hate him with all that I am." His voice dropped then, "if I could, I'd kill him myself."

Giles was stunned. And curious. Maybe, just MAYBE Lindsey would help them. It would take some digging. Something Giles was
willing to do to help the poor comatosed woman in the next room.

"What has he done?" Giles asked innocently, sitting on his couch and waiting patiently for Lindsey to unload on him. If he
portrayed himself as someone who was willing to listen and help without judgement, maybe Lindsey would tell him the truth.
Hopefully.

Lindsey pushed his unruly hair from his face and let out a heavy sigh as he sat down on the armchair, his head in his
hands. "Unspeakable things," he muttered after a long silence.

"He has a knack for it. What has he done recently? Does it involve Buffy? Could it be why she's left?"

Lindsey's head popped up and his eyes narrowed. "You certainly have a lot of questions."

Giles shrugged and sat back, relaxed. "I want to help. Buffy is a unique case, I felt that from the start. What she's been
through. . . she deserves some peace, don't you think?"

Lindsey nodded, his expression unreadable. "She deserves peace. And love."

"Is that where you step in?"

Lindsey stood now and he was shaking his head, unshed tears shone in his eyes. "I tried, I have tried. So hard. But she doesn't
want me. Doesn't need me."

"She does need you, Lindsey. She trusts you."

"She didn't trust me enough to tell me what had her so spooked during her meditation!" He screamed.

"Sometimes when things don't make sense, we feel we need to hide from those we care about. To save them."

"I want to save HER. I can't�" He sunk back into the chair, regret etched all over his face.

"Can't what?" Giles prompted when he took too long to finish.

"Have you ever been in love Giles?"

Giles blinked, "I have, yes."

"What was it like?"

Giles sighed, "Heaven. And hell."

"Hell, how?"

"Because when I wasn't with her, touching her, being with her, talking to her, I was in hell." Pause. "I was in hell when she hurt.
When I couldn't do anything to make her pain any less."

Lindsey nodded, tears streaming down his face, unchecked. "That I know about. Pain. The pain of loving someone and not being
able to help them. What's worse? Loving them and seeing them in pain and KNOWING you had something to do with it and feeling
TERROR at telling them."

"You feel terror for not being honest with the woman you love?"

"Yes. Because if I tell her. . . I lose her."

Giles looked at him sadly, "did you ever have her?"

Lindsey shook his head, "no. I never did. She's not mine."

"She's a free woman, independent."

"She's not free. She's a prisoner. Jailed by lies and deception and power hungry. . . and weaklings. She's jailed by a weakling who
couldn't. . . who was too afraid. She never belonged to me. And you know what? She never will. She loves. . . loves ones that she
hates. She belongs to them but she doesn't know it."

Silence fell

The scream was something that Giles did not expect. It shot through the house, nearly vibrating the walls with its ferocity and he
knew the minute it all registered in Lindsey's head because the clarity came in his eyes and he sprang at the sound of his name
and ran before Giles could stop him. He ran until he found her.

"You found her," Lindsey whispered as he beheld Buffy's bound body on the bed, staring up at him with hope in his eyes. He knew
he should have paid heed to the snarling vampires that stood guard by her body, but he wasn't always a smart man. The feeling
that washed over him was not what he expected. Relief.

Lindsey felt relief.
TBC...........
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Remember Me