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To Live Again	By : moosesal Category: AtS/BtVS Crossovers > Threesomes/Moresomes Views: 2328 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own AtS or BtVS. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Chapter 2 -- Second Chances

Wesley sat on his sofa sipping a glass of whiskey and thinking about his friends at Angel Investigations. Fred had called with her weekly update -- these calls had started a few months before when Angel had disappeared. As always, he didn't answered the phone, but he sat there listening to her talk to his machine. He wasn't ready to ask after his friends, but he certainly was interested in knowing that they were all alright. Apparently Angel was doing better, they were still looking for Connor, Cordy was readjusting to life in this realm, and an old vampire friend of Angel's was staying at the hotel. Fred described the vampire as "a cute blond guy named Will." Wesley wondered if "Will" was William the Bloody a.k.a. Spike and if so, why on earth was Angel letting him stay at the hotel? The last time Spike dropped by Angel ended up being tortured. Had spending a few months at the bottom of the ocean affected Angel's thinking? Finally, Fred wished him well and (as always) asked him to call -- even if only to let her know he was okay.

But he wouldn't call. Week after week he listened, but made no move to pick up the phone or to call her back. He wasn't okay, he didn't know if he ever would be again, and he didn't know how to tell Fred the truth without it sounding as if he wasn't taking responsibility. He was. He blamed himself, and no one else for everything that had happened. It didn't matter that the prophecy had been doctored by a demon -- he translated it and chose to believe it. He hated himself for trusting his translation instead of trusting Angel. He knew in his heart that Angel never would have harmed Connor, but Wesley had always had trouble trusting his heart before his head. *That's why I always end up alone.*

*I miss my friends -- _no my family,_ they're more than just friends. Or they were, before I went and screwed everything up by taking Connor. I miss Angel.* Wesley sighed and slunk down deeper into the sofa and tried to figure out how to begin to repair the disaster that his life had become.

A knock on the door startled him. He walked to the door and opened it, expecting Lilah to be on the other side -- she was the only one who ever came to visit him. She'd been trying to get him to do some freelance work for Wolfram & Hart, but so far he'd say no to every offer. Fucking was one thing, working for her was something else entirely. To his surprise, however, he found himself face to face with Lorne.

"Lorne. Umm... what are you doing here?" Wesley suddenly flashed on the minutes before taking Connor. He had hit Lorne and knocked him unconscious -- he had hurt his friend. Had Lorne finally come seeking revenge? Given Lorne's, usual disposition, it didn't seem likely. But after Wesley's actions, he knew he deserved it.

"Wesley." Lorne spoke without emotion, pausing before continuing. "May I come in?"

"Sure... of course." Wesley stepped out of the way and motioned for Lorne to enter his flat. "Is everything alright?"

"Yes, everything is fine. Well, mostly so." Lorne paused again. "Angel and Cordelia sent me over to ask you for some research help."

"A-a-angel and Cordelia?" Wesley could barely speak he was so shocked by the idea that they were ng fng for his help. The last time he saw Angel, the vampire had tried to kill him -- not that Wesley blamed him; Cordelia had refused to speak to him since she returned from Mexico and learned what had happened while she was away. He couldn't imagine what would drive them to ask for his help. What could possibly be that dire? Surely Fred would have said something on the phone if they were in serious trouble. "They want my help? You must be joking?"

"No, I'm not joking. You've heard of a vampire known as William the Bloody?"

"Yes. Also goes by the name of Spike. He was living on the Hellmouth, last I heard. Is that who Fred was referring to when she mentioned a blond vampire named Will who was staying at the hotel?"

"Yes. Apparently, he now has a soul."

"A soul? Like Angel?" Wesley was shocked.

"Not exactly ... there's no curse, no risk of losing it. And it's his soul, from before he was turned. Evidently he earned it after facing some demon's trials in the African desert."

Wesley face paled, "Dear God. We thought it was a myth."

"We?" Lorne asked, obviously surprised by Wesley's response.

"The Council." Wesley replied. "There have been rumors for centuries about this. There are very powerful demons who can ... grant wishes, usually to humans in the misguided name of 'justice'. The Council has been arguing for ages about whether a vampires, or any other demons for that matter, might be able to make wishes for themselves. Wishes that would give them a combination of human and demon traits to make them more powerful -- becoming daywalkers ... demons with souls ... having heartbeats ... even returning vampires to a fully human state. But no one's ever seen proof before, it's just a theory. After all the years, many on the Council stopped even considering it a viable theory, it became a myth, or legend."

"Well, it looks like it can be done -- the soul returning anyway. He's definitely got a soul, I've read him and there is no mistaking it. It's tearing him apart, Wes. That's why Angel and Cordy sent me. They were hoping you might be able to help Will deal with this."

"What about Angel? He's been dealing with the weight of a soul for decades. Has he talked to Will about his methods - Tai Chi, meditation? Surely, he's better prepared to deal with this than I am."

"Yeah, they've been working on meditating, but right now it's not enough. He's plagued by bad dreams when he sleeps and visions when he's awake. I can feel how haunted he is. Just being near him is overwhelming for me, I don't need him to sing or even speak to see what's in his head." Lorne seemed quite shaken, but pulled himself together. "Angel thought perhaps there might be some technique Watchers use when training Slayers to deal with their dreams."

"Perhaps. I could look into it."

"You're willing to help then?" Lorne asked. "We weren't sure. You told Gunn to stay away and you haven't returned Fred's calls or tried to contact anyone else. And ..." Lorne trailed off.

"And what, Lorne? You can say it. Whatever it is, I deserve it. I betrayed my friends, my family, nothing you could say would be out of line."

"Well, you've been seen recently with Lilah and we weren't sure if ..."

"If I'm working with Wolfram & Hart?" Lorne nodded. "No, I'm not. I ..." Wesley blushed and lowered his eyes, "I was ... sleeping with her, nothing more. I'm not even sure why."

"Self-loathing." Lorne stated. Wesley raised his eyes and looked at Lorne as the green demon studied him. "It's written all over you. You've even considered suicide more than once over the last few months, haven't you?"

Wesley just nodded as a single tear rolled down his cheek. "I'm ... sorry, Lorne. I'm sorry for what I did to you. I hope that you can trust me again someday."

"I hope so too." Lorne reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. As he handed it to Wesley he explained, "Here's the address of a pub Angel thought you and Spike could meet in to talk. It's a nice English place, mixed clientele -- human and demon. I've been there, you'll both be safe. Angel thought you'd be comfortable there ... and, well he's not exactly ready to have you back at the hotel yet."

"Of course, I understand." Wesley pocketed the address. He felt extremely awkward, he didn't know what to say or do. Finally, Lorne stepped towards the door.

"I'll be going now. Angel said to meet Spike at the bar day after tomorrow, just after sunset." Lorne opened the door and stepped into the hall, before turning around and facing Wesley. "Take care of yourself. Don't give up hope, everything will work out fine in the end."

"How can you be so sure?"

"I just know. Take it one day at a time, Wes. Things will sort themselves out." With that Lorne walked away.

Wesley stood in his apartment, leaning his head against his front door as tears flowed down his cheeks. *Don't blow this Wesley, this is your chance to get back in Angel's life. I may never win his love, but maybe we can one day work side-by-side again.* "Time for research," he muttered to get his mind off thoughts of Angel before he found himself engrossed in his fantasies. He walked over to his bookcase and pulled down a few books about dreams and meditation and set to working on a way to help Spike, or Will as he now wished to be addressed.
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To Live Again