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Green Eyes	By : girlnextdoor Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > Het - Male/Female > Buffy/Xander Views: 8814 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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�

She was
reasonably sure that she was a unexpected sight in this shoddy little bar �
although how these senseless humans felt they were in any position to judge her
� well, it was beyond the ex-demon to imagine. Still, she could hardly blame
them for taking a second glance at the woman with tear-stained cheeks, wearing
a wedding dress in the sort of place where ripped jeans would probably be
considered formal wear.

�Anyanka? Anyanka, have you even heard a word I�ve been
saying? Honestly, I think you�ve been spending too much time around those
humans you seem so fond of � your mind is beginning to wander at the first
distraction, just like theirs ��

�Hallie �� but she stopped with a sigh. Was there really any
point in arguing? Perhaps she had been kidding herself that a demon � ex, or
otherwise � could ever truly fit in here. Maybe she had simply been spending
too long denying who she really was � Although, it seemed that some things just
don�t change � her friend, Hallie, for example could still be as annoying as
ever. Distraction. As if the collapse of her marriage before it ever started
was some mere trifle to be brushed aside and forgotten! No, brushing Xander aside did not sound
right � throwing him with great force
� now, that had a ring to it.

�I mean,
really, you are a shadow of your former self!� her old friend from back in her
demon days continued, almost as if she hadn�t even heard her. �And I suppose
you will just let them go unpunished for their callous treatment of you? How
dare a mere mortal humiliate a vengeance demon like this?! Okay, okay � ex
vengeance demon, but that�s hardly the issue, is it? Or maybe it is �� The
demon, still in her human guise, tilted her head thoughtfully to contemplate
her friend. �Perhaps this is a sign ��

�A sign of
what, Hallie?� sighed Anya wearily, downing another shot of whatever they had
been ordering and wincing as it hit the back of her throat. She held no doubt
that she was going to be told anyway, so she might as well humour her friend.

�That you
should return to your true calling, of course!� she said brightly, as if it
should have been obvious Anya. �You should return to avenging those who have
been wronged � and who better to start with than yourself?�

�You know I
cannot grant my own wish for vengeance ��

�But I could! Anything to help a friend, you
know me; anything to oblige ��

Anya
thought it over for a moment � all the hurt and confusion and utter misery that
Xander had wrought upon her in one simple act. She still didn�t understand how
he could claim to love her and yet do that to her � she would never understand
that, no matter how long she lived.

�The
thought of giving him some great physical pain does seem strangely satisfactory
�� she mused, focusing on her anger in order to avoid the pain she was going
through. She would far rather think about all the ways she could make Xander
suffer than break down in tears again �

CUT

Unaware
that his ex-wife-to-be was currently contemplating the many ways she could
inflict pain upon him, Xander was back in the apartment they were to have
shared in their new life together as man and wife. He was having trouble
understanding how that whole dream life had fallen apart, so of course he was
doing what any self-respecting schmuck would do, having just destroyed the rest
of his life � drowning his sorrows. He took a long drag from the beer can in
his hand, crumpled the empty tin and threw it to the floor to join the growing
pile there. Not that it was helping, but it did give him something to do �
something to numb the pain even a little and distract him from thinking too
clearly �

He glanced
up at the sound of a knock on the door and froze guiltily. Anya. She was coming
to talk to him, to straighten things out and he could explain and make
everything all right again. What the hell would she think when she saw him
drinking himself stupid?

However, he
didn�t even pause to hide the evidence � it was more important that he see her
and fix this as soon as possible, so he hurried to get the door and threw it
open.

�Hey.�

Damn. There
he was with the getting up of the hopes � shouldn�t he know better than that by
now? Xander Harris, screw-up extraordinaire � when would he ever learn?

�Hey.� he
said flatly, turning away from his visitor, leaving the door open but making no
attempt to invite her in. He threw himself back onto the couch and opened
another beer for himself before looking up at his guest and gesturing vaguely
towards the fridge. �Think there�s still a cold one ��

�Still kinda early for me, but, uh, thanks �� said Buffy
awkwardly, unused to seeing the ever cheerful Xander in such a state. Not that
she blamed him, but he really wasn�t doing himself any favours. �So � how are
you?�

�Well, lets see � I screwed up. Again. Anya�s gone. She hates me.
I�m great.� he said with blatantly false enthusiasm.

�Sorry,
dumb question.�

Feeling
totally out of her depth, Buffy sat down gingerly on the edge of the couch and
tried to think of a less stupid way to break the uncomfortable silence which
had descended. Give her vampires, demons, or even apocalypses any day � those
she could handle. Relationship problems � so not her strong point.

�She loves
you, you know.�

�Good of
you to defend her � didn�t think you�d be that big on sisterhood what with her
stealing your boyfriend an� all.�

�I�m not
defending her. And she didn�t steal him �� said Buffy before realising she
wasn�t doing her own case any favours. �And he�s not my boyfriend!�

�And in
that order, you leap to protest.� Xander said wryly, taking another mouthful of
beer.

�Look, this
is not about me � I�m here because I�m worried about you. Xander, I thought you said this wasn�t about that thing with �
him? Anya didn�t mean to � She made a mistake, a big stupid mistake and she ��

�And I have
to ask, are we talking about Anya or you here?� Xander leaned forward, arms
resting on his knees, his head down as he shook it slightly in disbelief. �All
those times I told Spike to get lost ... that he didn't have a chance with a
girl like you ��

Buffy looked away at his bitter laugh and bit her lip, trying to think of a way
to explain without being too hard on him. She knew he was hurting so he was
lashing out � making things worse was the last thing she wanted to do.

�You don't know how hard it's been.� she said softly.

�What, lying to me?�

He seemed determined not to make this any easier for her.

�Being here. After I was brought back.�
she said, a little of her anger at being judged like this escaping. She
instantly regretted her harsh tone as her friend�s face fell, obviously
remembering her musical confession of being torn from heaven and their horror
at having been unwittingly responsible for causing her such pain. �You have no
idea how hard it is just being here.� she added, more calmly but still needing
him to understand.

�You could have told me.�

�You didn't want to know.�

�So you went to him instead?�

Buffy sighed and ran her hands through her long golden
locks, a little despairingly. The old green-eyed monster rearing its head
again. She had thought they had moved on from that. She had always been aware
of Xander�s inherent dislike and mistrust of Angel, but it wasn�t like she and
Xander were ever going to be more than just good friends � best friends, in
fact � and she thought that he had accepted that fact. She had been with other
guys � Riley and Parker, though she didn�t like to dwell on either of those
relationships much now � and Xander and Anya were obviously made for each other
� Even if they couldn�t see it. Just when she thought all that jealousy was in
the past, here he was getting all wound up about Spike of all people.

�Xander, what I do with my
personal life is none of your business.�

He looked at her and a little humorless smile touched his lips briefly � there
was a look in his eyes that wouldn�t have been out of place if she had hauled
back and slapped him. �It used to be.�

When was she going to get through putting her foot in her
mouth? She just couldn�t seem to find the words she needed to make this okay
but for some reason she felt compelled to justify herself, to defend her �
well, whatever it was that had happened between her and the blonde vampire. If
it had her confused though, how could she even start to explain to someone
else?

�It just happened, okay?�

Xander actually chuckled, �Oh, like, uh � �Say,
you're evil - get on me�?�

Buffy couldn�t explain it, but she realized that the flare of anger which she
had to struggle to hide was not for herself. She could
do without one of her best friends practically calling her a ho, but strangely
her first thought was to ask herself where exactly he got off calling Spike
evil after everything that had happened. At the back of her mind, a little
voice seemed to hint that there was significance in such unexpected defense of
her once greatest nemesis, but she chose to ignore it for now.

�You fought side by side with him when I was gone. You let
him take care of Dawn.� she said coldly.

�But I never forgot what he really is. God, what were you
thinking?�

She couldn�t claim he was completely wrong � she knew what
Spike was, but it did hurt to be reminded. So she wasn�t perfect � who was?
Xander was hardly in much of a position himself to criticize.

�You're asking me that? Oh, 'cause your decision making skills have really
sparkled lately!� she said with a harsh laugh, but inwardly she cringed. Now
who was the one lashing out?

�I'm not saying I didn't make any mistakes.� said Xander quietly, looking away
regretfully before composing himself and pushing away all the thought of his
failed relationship to return to the issue of Buffy and the soulless vampire.
�But last time I checked, slaughtering half of Europe
wasn't one of them! He doesn't have a soul, Buffy. Just some leash they jammed
in his head. You think he'd still be all snuggles if that chip ever stopped
working? Would you still trust him with Dawn then?�

She hadn�t thought that far ahead � forward planning wasn�t exactly a strong
point with her and the thought of Spike ever turning on her young sister made
her blood run cold. Yes, she knew what he was, but he was different now �
different with her and different with Dawn. He had sworn to protect the
teenager and he had stood by his word, even when she wasn�t around to give him
brownie points. So the chip meant he couldn�t bite � it couldn�t be responsible
for all the other changes in him � or could it?

�It doesn't matter.� she said, her tone one of resignation. �I'm not seeing him
anymore. It's over.�

Just a bitter smirk from Xander. �Yeah. There's a lot
of that going around.�

~*~

tbc�
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Green Eyes