Adult-FanFiction.org : Buffy

Why do we write this?	By : goolecaptain Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > General Views: 4401 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1
- 2
- 3
FINALLY figured out why everyone was moaning about my syntax! I used to post at USCL (anyone else?) which insisted you put everything in text and I kept doing it so now I’m republishing in word. Also intended to put links in everything but it’s just too big so I’ll put them in at the end instead

Summary; an exploration/parody of fanfiction detailing every conceivable pairing and sexual act you can ima. Pl. Please read to the end, it’s the most important bit. Please don’t be offended but all these are satires on existing pieces of fanfic, you might recognise some of them. If you want to know the originals and where to find them give me an e-mail and I’ll send you the list.
Spoilers/Timeline; Irrelevant
Rating; is there anything higher than R? Gang rape, sadism, bondage, lesbianism between mother/daughters/sisters (NOT incest, no such thing between women), incest, underage sex, character death, bloodplay, slavery, bondage, oral, anal, suicide, M/F domination, F/F domination and god knows what else! PLEASE BE WARNED, this is strong stuff, I plumbed the darker reaches of my soul/imagination but not just smut for smut’s sake (although there’s nothing wrong with that!). It also contains off-colour humour and some words I’ve never actually spoken out loud (and I was sailor)
Pairing; easier to list whom this doesn’t involve! Buffy/Joyce/Dawn, Hank/Buffy/Dawn, Angelus/Buffy, Drusilla/Buffy, vampWillow/vampTara/Buffy, Andrew/Buffy/Dawn/Anya/Willow, Glory/Faith the list is pretty much endless…. In all stories featuring Dawn she is 16 (17/18 or whatever your local AOC is) unless otherwise stated .
Disclaimer; all these characters belong to the creators and producers of Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel/Renaissance Pictures and not me, this work has no profit motive and is purely for fun/education
Distribution; take what you like
Feedback; why I wrote this, goolecaptain@btopenworld.com

Why do we write this 9

The knight swept Buffy off her feet and carried her away towards his castle on his charger.
“I better fight him off” Buffy thought, laying prostrate across his lap, the rough smell of the leather saddle filling her nostrils, the rhythmic sensations of the powerfully galloping horse below her, both of them conscious of his gauntleted steadying hand resting firmly on her hip. “In a minute. No hurry. Fight him off in a few minutes. Maybe half an hour. Definitely by tonight. Tomorrow morning for sure…”
*

Wes looked up from his writing as Spike materialised beside him. Spike’s expression was one of sheer panic. “Tell me it’s not true!” he begged.
Wes nodded sadly. “It is I’m afraid” he looked resignedly at the monitor in his office. “England all out for 195, Pakistan to bat after lunch”
“God no!” Spike swore.
*

”“WHAT DID YOU DO?” Angelus screamed at the demon as he throttled it.
“Cursed you to make your worst nightmares come true” it smiled as it died.
He ran all the way to the cemetery. But their graves were already empty.
“Guess who’s alive?” Gunn had written across his headstone.
*

“Do you think I could be a mad girl in an asylum?” Buffy asked Giles.
“Even though lots of things happen here that you never know about, you don’t remember being in the asylum when you died or fled your calling, your life there is infinitely more comforting than here but this is supposed to be your escape, you were able to go catatonic and dreamed within your dream, you’re aware of cultural and historical developments that you could never know of in the asylum, you remember being in the asylum in the first place when a truly mad person would never accept that, people like your father and mother can feature in both worlds… Do you want me to continue?”
“Yeah ok, this is reality, I accept that, if this was my fantasy I’d have made myself taller”
*

“Good thing Dawnie needed help with her science homework” Giles observed.
“Yes” Jenny replied. “Otherwise Angelus might have caught me at the school by myself”
*

“Buffy, what’s going on?” Willow asked, keeping her at bay with her magic.
Buffy lowered her stake. “Guess you’re human in this dimension” she gestured at the unconscious figure of Dawn on the ground. “This Dawn is from my universe, she’s a vamp. Came here via a portal to try and get away from me. I’m going to take her home and keep her in a cage” She pointed to a comatose Buffy, blood still visible on her neck, a tranquiliser dart from the alternate Buffy’s rifle in her chest. “She must have sired your Buffy”. She gestured to a dead looking Dawn on the bed, blood smeared around her mouth, “Who sired your Dawn” She offered them the stake “I’ll kill them if you don’t want to”
Willow and Tara looked at each other aghast. “We don’t have to kill them” Tara declared.
“No” agreed Willow, “ We can resoul them”
“What?” alternate Buffy asked incredulously.
“You can sit here”
She smiled. She’d felt so lost on her first day at nursery but now she had a friend.
She went to sit down. Another little girl got there before her. She realised he had been speaking to her the entire time, neither of them had even noticed her. They started talking and laughing together, not even aware she was there.
She fought back the tears as she sat down beside a little blonde girl.
Then Mr Flutie started to call the roll.
“Amy Madison?”
“Here”
“Jonathon Levinson?”
“Yes”
“Cordelia Chase”
“H-here” she stuttered. A ripple of giggling went through the class at her nervousness. She blushed.
“Harmony Kendall?”
“Yes” replied the blonde girl sitting beside her.
“Larr…”
“THAT’S ME!” bellowed a hulking boy to her right, startling her a little.
“Willow Rosenberg?”
“Yes” the little girl beamed, sharing a smile with the boy beside her. She felt sheer hatred rising in her chest against her.
“Alexander Harris?”
“Oh yeah” he replied.
“Jesse…”
When no one was looking Cordelia lent over and snapped the yellow crayon on Willow’s desk.
*

“For every action there is a counteraction” the Wraith gestured. “A life was taken by sorcery, now another is restored to equal the balance. A creature of the light to tip the scales of your darkness” The magic sparkled in it’s hands.
The demonic scream echoed through the night “NO! NO, NOT THAT ONE!”
*

“No” said vampDawn refusing the chalice of Mohra demon blood. “I need to make up for all the harm I did, I need to be strong enough to fight if we’re going to turn our Sunnydale into a paradise like yours”
Buffy couldn’t help grinning. She liked Sunnydale but a paradise? She supposed it was what you compared it to.
“You already gave me my soul back” vampDawn continued, “That’s more than enough”
“And you gave me back my sister” Buffy’s doppleganger wrapped her arms around vampDawn’s shoulders’. “I can never repay you”
Dawn embraced her mirror image, Buffy hers. Willow stood back a little, putting away her magical apparatus. They looked so alike yet so different. VampDawn the image of Dawn but a little younger, obviously having been sired earlier in the timeline. Buffy’s double scarred and cynical, reminiscent of Faith but with hope now shining in her eyes.
She conjured a portal and the pair stepped through it hand in hand, waving as they returned to their own dimension, vampDawn covering herself with her coat in case she emerged into daylight, alternate Buffy helping her. On their backs a pair of rucksacks laden with Mohra blood and Orbs of Thesula.
This universe’s Buffy stroked the bandages around Dawn’s neck, licking away the last traces of Mohra blood from her own lips. “Sorry for…well, you know, biting you and siring you and everything”
Dawn shrugged. ”You were a vampire, it’s what they do. Besides, it’s nice to know even when you were undead you still wanted us to be together”
Buffy smiled. “Even then I thought of mom, that I’d promised to take care of you, even if we were both vamps”
Dawn took her hand as they walked behind Willow. “I guess love really does overcome all”
*

She climbed onto the bed and rubbed her body up and down Willow’s naked legs. Willow smiled and stroked her head.
“You always know just how to make me feel better” she assured her.
Miss Kitty began to purr.
*
“Remember when I was in Faith’s body and I said this wasn’t the time for kinky bondage fun?”
“Yes”
“Well, now is”
*

She looked on in approval as each Scooby moaned their pleasure, trapped by the spell in their chairs around the table of the Magic Shop, each experiencing their own ultimate fantasies, helpless in their state of pleasure. Every time they reached the point of exhaustion they were magically revived, every time they climaxed their exquisite tormentors were replaced by a new image, an endless succession of cocks, cunnies, mouths, breasts and backsides that would simply never stop. They found themselves utterly lost in their passions as their unrestrained cries of passion rent the air
“We’re your slaves now” Buffy gasped in between orgasms as the representation of Angelus’ fucked her arse with enthusiasm as he bent her over the table. He climaxed and was immediately replaced by the naked form of Faith suckling at her breasts as she fell back onto her chair. Harmony was behind her, dressed as a French maid, kissing her neck. Dawn’s image appeared and began kissing Faith’s shoulders.
She giggled as she watched Buffy with her imaginary lovers. “Sweetie, you always were, you all were”
“What?” Dawn managed to ask as the magical projection of Glory tied her hands behind her head for the umpteenth time. She forgot about her question as the solid illusion of the Hellgod stripped her jeans and panties off once more and began to lick affectionately between her thighs. Giles’ appeared and began to stifle her moans by kissing her softly whilst toying with her breasts.
“We’re all slaves to love, honeybun”
“I love you mistress” Willow shrieked as the leather clad vision of Cordy spanked her naked backside with a leather riding crop. Drusilla knelt before her, clad in flowers, licking her cunny. Joyce was stroking her hair.
“Of course you do. I love you all too” her words were utterly truthful and left none in any doubt that she was entirely serious.
“Then…then you’re not evil” Giles managed to blurt as Jenny sucked him dry yet again. She disappeared and was replaced by Joyce clad in a nurses’ uniform. She climbed onto his lap and tore open his shirt which had miraculously repaired itself from the last time it had been rent. She began to kiss him all over. A Buffy appeared dressed as a schoolgirl and joined her mother on his other knee. A naked Dawn began to massage his neck muscles and gently nibble on his earlobe. Another Dawn repeated her actions on his other ear.
Aphrodite laughed “Dearie, love is NEVER evil! Stick with me kids, I need your help, your love”
“You need our love?” Xander queried as he picked Amy up and threw her on the table. He spread her unresisting legs and began to rip off her cheerleaders outfit as her fucked her harshly. Behind him Cordy, a pair of Buffys, Dawn, Tara, Kendra, Amy Yip, Jenny, Harmony, Anya and Faith were also dressed as cheerleaders, practising their dance routine moves as they each awaited their turn.
“Who’s the stud who get’s our dander?
The great, the handsome, mighty Xander!” they chanted in unison.
“ Just for tonight” Aphrodite assured them. ”Tomorrow everything’s back as it was but for tonight you’re my batteries and the love goddess needs a recharge!” She basked in the love, passion and lust that filled the room, visibly growing more powerful by the minute. She simply radiated goodness and affection from every pore of her perfect body.
For a moment each Scooby understood, relief flooding their hearts. Then they got distracted again.
In the morning she was gone, each Scooby receiving a divinely blissful goodbye kiss on the lips, leaving them collapsed around the magic shop in a state of exhausted euphoria. It took them all a week to recover, even Buffy with her Slayer powers was absolutely drained by the experience, having to let the Buffybot take her place on patrol for a few nights before she was ready to resume slaying again. But when she did she felt stronger and more formidable than ever. They all did. .
They would never see her again. But the memories of that wonderful night would last them the rest of their lives.
And gladden their hearts with the sublime touch of the most prized goddess and her most precious commodity.
Because she was the love goddess, baby.
L-O-V-E goddess.
*
“Let me try that” Elvis asked copying the high kick.
“Try it without the jacket” Angel advised.
Elvis handed it to him. He performed the kick again, this time much more adeptly.
“Keep the jacket” Elvis told him, gesturing towards the black leather garment, “Maybe if I tried something looser? When I was in the army the paratroopers had these ‘jump’ suits…”
*
Buffy looked at the bodies with a mixture of sadness and anger.
“Just couldn’t resist letting her in, could you? After all I told you!” she scolded the corpses angrily. She looked up at the picture on the mantelpiece. Little Harmony, about six years old, smiling in her bright pink dress as she sat on the knees of her proud parents. She had one just like it at home, little Buffy posed with Hank and Joyce.
“No” she remarked, her tone softening “I couldn’t have turned her away either”
She picked up the phone to call the police.
*
"How many more times do I have to say I'm sorry?"
"Until your jaw hurts really badly"
Faith rolled her eyes. "Look, I did the jail thing, I released Cordy from being my sex slave, I helped team Angel defeat the Beast, I resouled him, I'm here now to help you. Let’s face it, my guilt was always going to bring me back here to make amends. What more do you want? Whip me?"
Silently Buffy produced a whip and pair off handcuffs from behind her back.
Faith obediently slipped off her top, allowing Buffy to fasten the first cuff to her wrist as she removed the rest of her clothes. "Things are looking up" she thought.
*
“Honestly Buffy, what is this stuff?” Joyce asked, attempting to wash the demon blood from her daughter’s new blouse.
“Why it’s…ah…it’s”
“Poster paint from Buffy helping me with my art project” Dawn piped up helpfully.
Buffy gave her a thankful wink. “Can I borrow your sewing kit, I ripped my jeans…during gym class”
“Again!?”
*
“I’m sorry I killed you” Cordelia felt the tears well up from deep within her soul, the thing she prized most in all the world. It seemed so little to say for so great a sin.
Giles’ spirit looked at her from atop his gravestone, forgiveness in his eyes. “Horrible things happen to good people all the time Cordelia, they’re killed by vampires, struck by lightning, die from tripping in the street. All things have a purpose. If you hadn’t become a vampire, if you hadn’t been resouled, would you have been able to save Larry? Been able to save Doyle? Or any of the others? All the innocents you’ve aided and protected? Save the world on more than one occasion?”
She shook her head, staring at the ground.
“Just take your gift and use it well. Make me proud Cordelia, make me proud”
She smiled and looked up at him “Every day” she replied simply.
*
“This is her” the gaoler indicated the prisoner. Buffy lay beaten on the floor, chained and broken.
The robed figure didn’t say a word. Instead it produced a .357 Magnum from the folds of its’ cloak and blew his brains out.
“Think I’d ever stop looking for you?” Dawn asked, removing her disguise as the portal transported her and Buffy back home.
*
“So we’re all OK now? Everything settled?”
They nodded, both Scoobies and Fang Gang, any differences between and amongst them well and truly buried. It was good to be friends again. They’d missed it dreadfully. The good fight could be lonely.
*
Buffy put down the phone and turned to Angelus who was chained to the bed and gagged.
“Willow will be along in the morning to resoul you. Oz will give you a lift back to LA”. He looked genuinely horrified.
She let her bathrobe fall to the floor to reveal her camp vampire outshe she had hired from the costume shop, a red leather basque complete with lacing over her breasts, sleek black leather gloves and fishnet stockings. His eyes bulged and for a moment he felt a faint hope that she had somehow been sired but he could tell she was still human, he could smell it, sense her warmth and humanity, could hear her heart beating in her chest. She was playing a game, he realised.
It was a game he didn’t like.
She popped a pair of joke shop plastic fangs into her mouth. Tomorrow her beloved Angel would return. Will would resoul him, Oz would take him back to the Hyperion and she would have to get on with her normal life without her beloved. She would go for a morning walk before work in the bright sunlight, relishing her beautiful mortality and the marvellous, banal sensations of everyday living. But tonight she would have some dark fun with Angelus. And make him pay for all he’d ever done to her.
She leapt astride him and began to undo his leather trousers. “But whilst we’re waiting…”
She bit into the flesh of his neck, her fake fangs actually drawing a little blood before they snapped. She spat them out as he gave a muffled cry of pain.
“Aww!” she teased him. “I always thought that was your favourite part?”
“Women!” thought Angelus angrily. “THEY were truly evil!”
*
“Buffy?” Dawn poked her head around the bedroom door.
“Here!” the voice emerged from beneath her bed. Dawn knelt down and placed the steaming hot cup of tea on the floor. Buffy’s hand shot out from beneath the bed-sheets and retracted it towards her.
“Two sugars?”
“Three” Dawn confirmed. “Are you really going to keep this up all day?”
“Until my birthday is over Dawnie I’m staying right here!”
“You don’t think you being a bit….AHHHHHHH!” Dawn screamed as the Noseen demon crashed through the window, spewing vile drool from every orifice. Buffy flipped the bed up with her legs, knocking the beast flat. She jumped on top of it, pinning it to the floor and began hacking the helpless demon to bits with her broadsword.
“Oh screw it, go get my presents and cake!” she remarked mid-sword swing.
“Uhuh” Dawn whimpered as she crawled from the room on all fours.
“And get some garbage bags to put the pieces of this thing in!”
“OK!” Dawn replied, running down the stairs to fetch the funny hats .
*
“YOU BROUGHT HER BACK!” Spike looked at Angelus in wonder, standing amidst the bodies of the sacrifices the ceremony had necessitated.
Angelus looked up, badly beaten during his captives’ escape. “I couldn’t live without her” he whimpered pathetically.
*
This was it, there was no escape. Then the light of inspiration glowed in Buffy’s eyes.
She clicked her heels together three times and in a blinding flash of light emerged safely home.
“Thank god I wore my ruby slippers”
*
Buffy/Willow/Anya/Dawn/ Joyce/Darla/Drusilla/ Harmony/Amanda/Kennedy/ Cordelia/Faith/Amy/ Tara/Glory/Kendra/ Fred/Lilah/Kate/ Gwen/Xena/Gabrielle/ Callisto/Dana Scully/ 7of 9/Max hung suspended helplessly by the chains from the ceiling, spreadeagled like a starfish, her cunny dripping with pleasure at the repeated stinging blows on her buttocks from the flat of the sword. She gasped as she felt something hard and smooth penetrate her cunt and realised with delight that Giles/Xander/Angel/ Spike/Jonothan/Andrew/ Larry/Hank/Lindsay/ Gunn/Wes/Riley/ Forrest/Graham/Oz/ Mayor Wilkins/Doyle/ Lorne/Connor had penetrated her with the pommel of her own sword and was fucking her with it, right up to the hilt…
*
“Xander, Willow, take care of Spike, we need him back in the game asap. There’s plenty of pig’s blood in the fridge, that should be a good start. Kennedy, get the girls training, they need the practice if we’re going to fight more of these things. Anya, Giles, research” she motioned to the Turok-Han dust she had dumped on the floor to make her point “Andrew, hoover that up. Dawn, with me now!”
They jumped to it as Buffy strode purposefully up the stairs, Dawn trailing behind her, curious as to what her assignment would be. When they were in Buffy’s bedroom she instructed Dawn to lock the door behind them which peaked her curiosity even further.
Buffy let the Bringer’s robe fall from her shoulders to reveal her naked body underneath. Dawn gasped in horror as Buffy turned around to face her, her eyes staring in mute shock at the terrible scars and bruising that seemed to cover every inch of her sisters’ skin. The dried blood around her nipples, vagina and anus told their own dreadful story. Dawn didn’t know whether to retch or cry.
“H-hold me” Buffy managed to plead before fainting into Dawn’s arms.
Dawn laid her down on the bed and covered her with a blanket. She stripped off to her underwear and slipped in beside her, holding her as tightly as she could without aggravating her injuries. She kissed her on the cheek.
“It’s ok Buffy, I’m here, they won’t hurt you any more, I won’t let anyone hurt you ever again”
In her heart she knew the words were a lie, that she would never be able to keep this promise. Tomorrow Buffy would be healed again. Dawn would bathe her carefully and fix her hair and makeup and she would walk downstairs, the Slayer once more, ready to face all the evil and violence the First could throw at her as if her tble ble ordeal had never happened. Such was the life of the chosen one.
But tonight she was plain Buffy Summers and would rest safe in her sister’s arms. And Dawn would kill ANYTHING that would try to ruin this moment.
Buffy’s facial expression softened visibly as she slipped from unconsciousness into a normal, peaceful sleep. Dawn closed her eyes and lay there for what seemed like hours, listening to the wonderful sound of her sister’s steady breathing, revelling in the shared warmth of their bodies. Eventually she joined Buffy in a deep, dreamless slumber, the skin beneath her tender embrace restoring itself at an accelerated rate due to Buffy’s Slayer healing powers, their hearts beating as one.
Joyce’s apparition stood unseen by their bedside, watching over her sleeping children throughout the night. At daybreak she faded away to nothingness.
But her love for her daughters extended far beyond the grave.
*
“So you’re the Slayer?”
“Yes” Buffy replied calmly, held helpless in the bounds of Wonder Woman’s lariat, forced to tell the truth.
“Guess we can’t be enemies then” she went to remove Buffy’s bonds “What do we do now?” she wondered out loud.
“I want to bury my face in your breasts” Buffy appeared a little embarrassed by her involuntary confession as Princess Diana removed her lasso, seemingly unperturbed by Buffy’s unintended forwardness.
“Sweetie don’t be shy. I’m from Amazon Island” she replaced heriatriat on her hip and opened up her arms to the Slayer. “We don’t even have men there”
*
“Anyway, here’s your money” Faith offered extending a large roll of banknotes towards a stunned Buffy. “It’s what I spent when I was borrowing your body”
Buffy took it suspiciously, counting it carefully “Where did you get this?”
“Well I played a lot of cards in prison…” Faith tapered off as she noticed a roomful of disbelieving glances. She sighed. “Oh alright” She produced a carefully folded poster from her the hip pocket of her jeans. “Meet Miss February 2003”
“Wow!” said Xander.
“Momma!” said Willow.
Uhuh!” agreed Kennedy.
“Nice photography” observed Andrew.
“My word!” Giles exclaimed.
“Tramp” Anya commented without malice.
“Very tasteful” Buffy offered.
“How old do you have to be to pose?” Dawn asked.
*
The Fates span their loom, the threads of life so delicate in their grasp.
“Stay your hand” the Mother instructed as the Crone used the shears to snip the lifeline.
“Buffy Summers should have died countless times” the Crone observed.
“She has a destiny, they all do” the Maiden objected. “It is set by a greater power than we”
The Crone nodded and put the shears away. Her wizened fingers re-threaded the strands setting them back on course again, re-fashioning reality to suit the grand design. A design that would inevitably end in the triumph of the scoobies.
And humanity.
“Awww, c’mon Buff, it’ll be fun!”
Buffy shook her head. “Nah, I was always a cheerleader, team sports weren’t really my thing”
She walked away.
“Wuss” Faith muttered under her breath.
“AND WE’RE PLAYING!” Buffy announced turning around again, “Dawn, you’re on my team, mark Xander, Giles you’re referee”
“I don’t know the rules!” Giles objected.
“Dawn’s the tallest girl and Xander can only see from one side!” Faith protested.
“I called first. You can have Wood”
“He’s still got his stitches in!”
Wood looked affronted. “Not all black guys are automatically superb at basketball you know”
“But you are good, right?" Faith whispered.
“Ohhhhhhh yeeeaaaahhhhh” he whispered back.
“Wish we had Riley” Xander observed as they split up the SITs between them.
“I think Faith’s ‘had’ Riley quite enough thank you” Buffy retorted.
Faith rolled her eyes.
*
“Well, that’s everything set to rights” said Buffy and walked away victorious.
*
They walked back towards the bus.
“You realise we’re all now flat broke?” Giles stated a little reticently.
“Nothing new” Faith responded.
“We can always hit Angel for a loan” Buffy replied, “Or Riley or dad or Aunt Arlene. We’ll get federal disaster aid for the house, it’s about the only way to get rid of a property in Sunnydale anyway”
“Don’t worry about it” Kennedy assured them. “I’ll just dip into my trust fund”
“Knew there was a reason I liked you” Willow told her.
“There’s always the Council’s resources” Giles offered, “I’m a trustee so once it gets reformed they should be able to help us out. I plan to make a lot of changes to it’s running”
“So they’ll be hiring then?” Dawn asked.
“Yes but you’ll have to have graduated high school first” he teased her.
“I can always pose for Playboy again” Faith ventured. “We should do it together ‘Babes of Vampire Fighting”
“They like sister/sister stuff, right?” Dawn cheekily inquired.
Xander looked back at the crater. “You know, thinking about it, the remains of Sunnydale Bank are still in there somewhere?”
“Twelve more looting days to Christmas!” Willow offered. “Or Hanukah”
The walked happily away, chattering and planning. The First watched them go, seething with anger in it’s Buffy guise.
“Why must I always fail!” it screamed.
“Because it’s your path” the figure by its’ side replied. “Mankind is meant to be tested and prevail”
The First turned to face it with boundless hatred in its’ expression.
But the figure was already gone.
*
“What a weird dream” Buffy thought, waking up and opening her eyes.
*
“How the blazes did you do that, Dawnie?” Spike asked in wonder as the portal closed around Wolfram and Hart’s army, trapping them in the Quor-toth.
“My Key powers really kicked in when I turned 18” she explained. She couldn’t help staring at Ilyria who was cradling a still bleeding Gunn. Around her Buffy and her army of Slayers looked almost disappointed that they wouldn’t have to fight.
“Why didn’t you tell us you’d called her?” Spike asked Angel.
“Couldn’t risk one of you being captured. Besides it was fun to watch your expression”
Spike snorted. “Where’s Wes?” asked Buffy.
“Dead” Spike replied simply. Buffy and Dawn both looked slightly saddened, the triumph of victory marred by loss and regret. But there’d be time to mourn later.
“Let’s get Gunn to a hospital” Angel suggested. Dawn nodded and created another portal, the trio stepping through to the emergency room.
Angel watched her go, looking over her maturing figure. “She sure grew up” he observed.
Buffy took his arm, then Spike’s. “We all did”
*
Mistress Spanks-a-lot gazed impatiently at her watch. “Where is Wesley? He’s normally never late”
*
“You’re human!” Buffy looked at him in wonder.
“And you’re not the Slayer anymore” Angel smiled as she shook her head. “We can be together”
They embraced and kissed.
“Happily ever after” Xander commented. He couldn’t decide if he was happy or sad.
Willow said nothing. She took him in her arms and kissed him until it hurt. Eventually she let him up for air.
“Ahem” Buffy looked at them, dazed, Angel smiling broadly. “What about the whole gay thing Will?”
Willow looked at a still reeling Xander.
“I’ll work around it if you will?”
*
Dawn let out a sigh of relief, realising it was Buffy. “For a moment I thought I was dead. But you did die” she stared puzzled at her for a second then down at her own body. “Why are you 16 again? And why am I 14? We should both be 80”
Buffy smiled “You are dead Dawnie. You died in your sleep, just like me” She took her by the hands. “C’mon, everybody’s waiting for you. We’ve been waiting such a long time. We missed you. But now we’ll all be together. Welcome to heaven”
Dawn looked shocked for a second but then broke a huge smile, mirroring the one on Buffy’s face.
Buffy led her towards the light. And eternal grace. .
*
Buff let herself in and hung her coat up in the hall. The rest of the gang were having coffee in the kitchen.
“Hey Buffster, what you been doing?” Xander asked looking up from the sports page.
Buffy took a stool. “Well let’s see? I’ve had my neck broken, been vamped, been suffocated, been gang raped, enslaved, come out as a lesbian, indecently assaulted by various inanimate objects, impregnated, killed, tied up, whipped until I was raw, surrendered myself to countless vamps and committed suicide. Oh and you all died too”
“Fanfic huh?” Willow observed tapping fervently on her laptop.
“Uhuh”
“Willow nodded “Just off the phone with Angel myself, restoring his soul for the fifth time this week. Cured Cordy and the rest of the gang too”
“Faith?”
“Sure thing, resouled her, Angel’s making her a Mohra blood milkshake right now”
“Same old, same old”
Dawn poured her a cup of coffee. “We still screwing like bunnies?”
“Anya always hated that phrase” Xander observed, largely to himself.
“Oh yeah, Dawnie. They got us doing mom now, too. We Summers girls just can’t keep our hands off each other” She leaned forward and wound Dawn’s ponytail around her hand, drawing her face to within inches of her own. “Give me some sugar baby!” she pouted.
Dawn returned the pout and leaned in to kiss her. At the last moment she brought up a spoonful of white crystals and stirred them into Buffy’s coffee instead. There was a tearing sound as Xander unwittingly ripped the Sunnydale Times in twain.
He adopted a wounded expression as the girls cackled uncontrollably.
“Unfair!”
“Come on, sweetie” Willow retorted, wiping her eyes. “Why do guys go for that anyway?”
Xander looked puzzled. “YOU’RE asking ME?”
“Not the whole lesbian thing, we get that” replied Buffy sipping her coffee. She became aware that Willow was looking at her looking at her curiously. “Well, I mean with guys more is better” she continued hurriedly, “Pamela Anderson is living proof. But the whole lesbian incest thing, why’s that a turn on?”
“Well for starters it isn’t incest…”
“Oh, come on!” exclaimed Dawn. “You’re not going to use the whole ‘ they’re not really sisters’ thing are you? What about Buffy and mom?”
“And don’t say ‘it’s Faith in Buffy’s body’ either, that’s just an excuse” added Willow.
“No, what I was going to say was that there’s no such thing as incest between females, it’s only between male and female. We had this discussion once at work about the Barbi twins and the firm’s legal rep said it just didn’t exist”
“You must have interesting lunch breaks!” Buffy observed buttering a bagel.
“You have no idea” Xander cautioned.
“Ok” said Willow, “But does that mean it doesn’t happen or it never gets reported?”
Xander shrugged. “Either I suppose?”
“Probably something guys like to believe” Dawn opinioned. “Like the whole slumber party pillow fight in French knickers thing”
“Knickers?” Buff shook her head. “Dawn, you’ve been hanging around with Giles too much”
“Spike actually”
“Yeah, well next time the subject comes up tell him I want my pink frillies he nicked from my underwear drawer back. They were a gift from Scott”
“Maybe they were a gift for Scott, maybe he bought them for you as an excuse to wear them himself?” Xander mused.
Willow rolled her eyes. “Not all gay men are drag queens Xan. In fact not all drag queens are gay men”
“But still, I don’t understand” Dawn opinioned. “It’s just so gross even if it isn’t incest”
Xander took a deep breath. “Do you all want me to explain?”
“Yes” came three prompt replies.
“Here we go!” he thought
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