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Seasons of Faith	By : norwalker Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > FemmeSlash - Female/Female > Buffy/Faith Views: 4355 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 18
- 19
- 20
Seasons of faith
Chapter 19
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Giles: It was so sudden
Buffy: She…seemed so … happy
Dawn: This can't be. It can't be!
Faith: I'm sorry, P-nut
Buffy: How'd this happen?
Giles: It was so unexpected
Faith: (Squeezing her eyes shut. They hurt) I don't understand.
Dawn: Why? Why did it happen?
Dawn and Buffy are with Joyce in the Summer's home. They are upstairs, and are making a small fuss over their mom.
"My God, It's a miracle!" Buffy says, her tone mocking.
" I didn't know she owned anything but that blue bathrobe" Dawn says, teasing her mom." Mom, in street clothes. What a concept!"
"You two!" Joyce replies, trying hard not to grin. " I just looked at that … thing today, and couldn't do it. Couldn't put it on again."
" I say we rip it up, burn it. It's evil, it must die" Buffy says, grinning. " Death to the bathrobe!"
Dawn and Buffy, each holding a side of the dreaded bathrobe, carrying it, far out in front of them, out of the room…
Willow: Poor Buffy. I've got to be there for Buffy. And Dawn. God, she must be totally….( She holds up a piece of clothing) Is this ok?
Tara: (Nodding, sympathetic) It's fine, Willow.
Willow: Ok( she starts to put it on. Changes her mind. Tries something else). How about this?
Xander and Anya walk into Willow's room. Xander's emotions are written all over his face. Anya is for once, quiet and reserved.
Xander: Hey
Willow: Hey( she walks to him, and they hug)
Xander: How're you doing?
Willow: I dunno. Ok, I guess( everything in her body language and gestures contradict what she says).
Xander: Yeah.
Willow: (breaking away. Looking at herself, disgusted with what she's wearing). This is awful. Don't I have any grown up clothes? I can be a grown-up, can't I?
Tara: (walking over to Willow, hugging her) It's ok, Baby.
Willow: I can't do this( She's stiff in Tara's arms). I can't
Tara: Shhh. We'll do this. We'll get through it.
Buffy, Faith and Dawn are sitting on the sofa in the living room of the Summer's home. Joyce is standing before them, modeling a new dress.
" So, what do you think?" Joyce asks, hopeful.
" I dunno" Buffy says, sounding doubtful." Can you turn around for me, please?"
Joyce complies, looking at the group for approval.
Dawn shakes her head, undecided." Can you do it again?"
Joyce spins around again, smiling. She looks at them.
"Can you do it the other way now?" Faith asks, biting her lip to keep from laughing.
Joyce starts to spin. She stops. She looks at them, with a mom expression. " You're messing with me, aren't you?"
The three girls look at her with innocent smiles, like…us?
" So, who is this guy, anyway?" Dawn asks. " I mean, should we be worried?"
" His name is Brian. I met him at the gallery" Joyce says, looking flushed and a little excited.
Buffy and Dawn share a look. Their faces say "oh-oh!" Joyce sees the expressions, and rushes to reassure them.
" No, no, it's ok. It's not another Ted" Joyce swears.
Faith is puzzled. " Ted?"
Buffy speaks up, to clarify." Ted was before you're time, Faith. He was a …( she was going to say, robot, but remembers that mom and Dawn don't know that)… weirdo. Trust me, you don't want to have known Ted"
Faith, still unenlightened, shoots a look at Joyce, who shrugs a " Well, nobody's perfect".
" So, tell us all about this new hottie, Mrs. S" Faith says. Joyce shoots Faith a questioning look. Faith blushes. " Uhhh… mom" Faith looks embarrassed at forgetting again. Joyce smiles, and Buffy and Dawn grin at Faith. She keeps forgetting.
"Well, it's kind of a funny story, really. It was my first day back at the Gallery. I was still kinda shaky about things. Anyway, Brian comes in, and starts asking about antique cameos. I'm lost…Carol had been doing all the ordering while I was away. So… I didn't know anything about the cameos. So, turns out, we had a lot to talk about…"
"So, where's Mr. Hot Stuff takin' you, mom?" Buffy asks.
"Dinner and a movie. I wonder" Joyce muses." Think maybe we should go to the movie first? Then we'll have something to talk about during dinner. But, if we do that, there's all that time at the movie that we can't talk…" Joyce looks anxious, uncertain.
The three girls are all desperately holding back a serious case of the giggles. Joyce sees their expressions.
"Hey, it's been a long time, ok?" She says, defensively.
"Hey, Mrs. ….ummm… mom" Faith says, trying to reassure her." You’re a hottie. Don't worry. You'll have him all sweaty and …"
"Faith!!!" Buffy growls, covering Dawns ears. " Little ears…."
"Geeze, Buffy!" Dawn pouts." I like, know about sex"
"You don't need a refresher, then, right?" Buffy says, shooting a look at Faith. Faith blushes.
"C'mon, girls. What do you think?" Joyce asks, changing the subject. God, they have her in bed, already. Sheesh!
" I like it" Dawn pipes up.
"Really? It's not too… mom-ish?" Joyce asks.
"That's why I like it" Dawn says, teasing her.
" No way" Buffy says. " Not at all mom-ish. Definitely Date friendly"
" Yeah" Faith adds." You'll…( feeling Buffy's look drilling a hole in her head)… knock his socks off!"
Joyce looks satisfied… and a little relieved. This dating stuff is rough.

Faith: I don’t understand! I thought they said they got it all…
Buffy: That's right! They said they got it all out. What happened?
Giles: The doctor said there was a possibility of aneurysms…
The doctor walks into the waiting room. He speaks to Buffy and Faith.
"I've finished my examination. It appears to that an aneurysm developed close to the site of the tumor. An aneurysm is a weakening of the wall of the blood vessel. Joyce knew the risks. Evidently it was very quick, since she didn't even get on the phone to call for help. There is nothing anyone could have done."
"Was there much pain?" Buffy asks.
"She probably felt very little pain" The doctor replies. Buffy hears " I have to lie to you, you know"
Xander: It's those doctors. They don't know what they're doing. They gave her a clean bill of health.
Willow:(softly, trying to comfort him) They couldn't have known, Xan. It… just happened.
Xander: (upset). These things don't *Just happen * Will. Somebody…someone screwed up…did this( he's pacing, getting more upset). How can you think this just happened?( he needs something or someone to fight, to fix this).
Willow: (looking at him… putting up her fists). Ok. Me and you. Lets go.
Xander: (looks at Willow, surprised. His anger and frustration breaks.) You know I can't take you.
Willow: Damn straight.
Xander walks over to her, and kisses her forehead. She hugs him, rubbing his back to comfort him.
"I look hot!"
Faith is checking herself out in the mirror, and approves what she sees. A very beautiful young woman, dressed in a strapless black satin evening length gown. Around her waist is a red sash, secured at the hip with a gold clasp. The ends fall casually over her hip. She is wearing opera length lace gloves, black and fingerless. She is wearing black patent pumps with three inch heels. Around her neck is a small black choker.
She has put up her hair into upsweep, some of the strands left loose to accentuate her neck. She is wearing crimson lipstick, and enough makeup to accentuate, but not overpower her naturally beautiful eyes. She is wearing crimson nail polish.
She is grinning.
“Is B gonna be surprised. She was expecting me in a Tux. I'm gonna so bowl that girl over tonight.”
Faith does a little pirouette, watching as her dress fans out. She is giggling like a schoolgirl.
At that moment, Joyce Summers walks in. She is carrying a small jewel case.
“ My, don’t you look lovely, Faith” Joyce smiles. She is so glad Faith changed her mind about the tux. She looks so much better in the formal. “ Turn around and let me see”
Faith turns around, and Joyce makes an approving noise.
“I may be prejudiced, but I do believe you two will be the most striking couple at the Prom” Joyce says.
Faith blushes prettily.
“Sit down dear, I have something for you”
“For me?” Faith is curious, and a little excited. She sits by the dressing table mirror.
Joyce comes over, and opens the jewel case. Inside is a gold necklace with a Ruby drop pendant, along with the matching set of earrings.
Faith’s eyes widen. They’re gorgeous.
“ My mother had these originally” Joyce said. “ On the night of my senior prom, she gave them to me. I would like you to have them, Faith”.
Faith looks at Joyce, her lip quivering.
“ But… but…shouldn’t Buffy have these?” Faith eyes are bright with tears.
“No. Buffy had something special of her own to wear already”. Joyce notices the tears, and takes a tissue to dab at Faith’s eyes. “ Now, dear, no tears, you’ll ruin your makeup”
Faith throws her arms around Joyce, hugging her tightly. Joyce has become quite fond of the dark haired girl in the last few months. She pats Faith’s back, and gently disengages herself.
“Now, dear, let me see how this look on you” Joyce removes Faith’s choker, and helps Faith secure the necklace. Faith puts on the earrings. She is overcome with the generosity of this woman. They are perfect.
“ Perfect” Joyce mirrors her thought “ Like they were made for you”
“ Thank you Joyce, they’re beautiful” Faith hugs the older woman again…

Buffy: I should have saved her. If only I'd been there a few minutes earlier, I could have saved her.
Giles: There was nothing you could do, Buffy.
Faith: B.( Walks over and puts her hands on Buffy's shoulders).There's nothing you could've done to save her. The doc said it happened too fast. No one could've saved her. ( Buffy breaks away from her, holds herself).
Buffy: It's my fault, I should've been there. I shouldn't have left her alone. It's my fault.
Buffy walks into the house at Revello drive. She closes the door, and sees the flowers on the stand by the door. She walks over to them.
"Ooo, pretty!" She exclaims. She looks at the card, and reads it.
'Joyce
Thanks for the wonderful night last night.
Brian'
Buffy smiles to herself." Well, at least some guys are getting it right". She walks to Stairs
"Hello? HELLO? Anyone here?" She waits for a response. " Hey, Flower-getting lady? Want me to pick up Dawn?" Still no response. She turns towards the living room, and sees her mom lying on the couch. She thinks at first she's napping, then sees her eyes are open.
" Hey, whatcha doin?" She asks. A chill runs through her when her mom doesn't respond.
"Mom?" Buffy calls, a little louder.
"MOM" Buffy, louder, more forceful. Her stomach begins to churn inside her.
"Mommy?" Buffy says, little girl voice, desperate. Help me!
Buffy can't remember the next hour very clearly. She knows she called 911. She doesn’t remember calling anyone else. She knows the paramedics came. She knows…her mother's dead. The Paramedics told her that. Told her that the Coroner's Office would be by for an investigation. To not disturb the body.
She thinks she tried CPR before the paramedics arrived. She…remembers …something breaking( I think I broke something!).
Giles and Faith rush into the house. Buffy had called Faith on her cell, and she'd been at the Magic Box. Giles came with her.
" Buffy! Are you alright?" Giles calls out. They don’t see her, and they're worried.
" B? Is it Glory?" Faith calls. She sounded so … strange on the phone.
Giles sees Joyce laying on the floor first. " Joyce! Oh my god!" He rushes over to check on her. At that moment, Buffy enters the dining room from the Kitchen. She rushes over to Giles, and is a bit hysterical.
"NO….NO… don't touch her! They said don't touch her. You're not supposed to disturb the body…." It, all of it, hits her right then. It's like someone dropped a pile of bricks on her. The haze she's been in breaks, and every nerve in her body is aware of what's going on. She stands stock still. Like she's frozen. But she's weaving, like she's going to fall. Faith runs to her, and holds her.
"She's… she's…." But she can't get it out. She clings to Faith, trying to tell her. But she can't. Faith already knows. Her whole body wants to collapse, fall down and cry. But she can't right now. She's gotta be strong. For Buffy. She needs her now more than ever.
Anya: Are we going to see the body?
Willow: (looking at her like she's from another planet) No, I don't think so
Anya: Are they going to cut her open?
Willow(Horrified) God! … What… Will you stop talking, please!
Anya: What am I doing?
Willow: The way you act….
Anya: But I don't understand…
Willow: Because it's not ok for you to be talking this way.
Anya: (upset)No one will tell me anything! I don't understand. I knew her. I liked her, but now she's just a body. I can't understand why she can't just get back in and not be dead anymore( tears start to fall down her cheeks). I was having fruit punch. Then Xander told me, and I realized that Joyce will never have fruit punch anymore. Or eggs. Or yawn. Or comb her hair. Ever again. And no one will explain it to me!( She crying, and covers her face)
Willow: (crying also) We don't know how it works( she sits)…or why.
Dawn had been having a bad day. What had happened to her, what she'd done had gotten around to some of the students. One of the popular girls in school had called her " Freak" which really upset her( if they only knew how much!). She'd run into the bathroom to cry. She'd pulled herself together, and went out, to her next class. She was settling down( with the help of the Boy she had a major crush on, telling her he understood how it felt, etc.) All seemed to be ok when… Buffy walked into her class. Buffy walked to her teacher, and said a few words, who nodded. Buffy walked over to Dawn.
"I need to talk to you" Buffy said, quietly.
"Can't it wait?" Dawn asked, totally embarrassed by her sister being here. "I'm in the middle of a class". She had a sinking feeling. It must be bad for Buffy to come here.
"It’s important Dawn." Buffy said, still quiet.
Buffy takes Dawn out of the classroom, into the hall.
"Let's go outside, Dawnie" Buffy says. She doesn't want Dawn to learn about mom in the middle of the halls.
"No! Tell me here. What is it, Buffy?" Dawn asks. Her anxiety is growing." Is it mom?"
"Mom's… umm…had an accident" Buffy says. She's still not quite dealing herself.
"Is she ok? Tell me, Buffy. It's serious… but she's ok, right?" Dawn is almost pleading.
Buffy can't get it out, but Dawn is looking at her. In her eyes. She sees the tears there, threatening to spill out. She knows. She knows.
"No. NO… NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Dawn moans, collapsing onto the floor.
Buffy: I should have been there. I could have saved her, Faith!
Faith: B. There is no one who could've saved her. It… just wasn't possible.
The two young women were in the bedroom they share at the Revello Drive house. It was late evening. They'd spent the last hours, after getting the report from the autopsy, consoling Dawn. They'd just managed to get her to bed, to sleep. She'd been a wreck.
Neither girl had been able to let down. They both felt the need to be strong, for each other, and for Dawn. It'd been an emotional hell for both of them, but they couldn't crack. Not now. Too much to do yet.
Buffy: I don't know what to do.(she is staring off into space). What do I do now, Faith?
Faith: B? I …I don't know( she looks at Buffy.) We'll … figger it out as we go along.
Buffy: Everybody thought I was the strong one. But it was mom. She was the strong one. She knew what to do, always. I … I don't have a clue, Faith. How am I gonna handle all of this? Dawn, and Glory, and… taking care of us?
Faith:(quietly) We'll handle it, Buffy. We'll figure it out.
Buffy: ( almost like she didn't hear, her veneer beginning to show some cracks) … I can't do this, Faith. I don't know how!
Faith: B.(She takes Buffy's hand in hers, giving it a reassuring squeeze) We can do this, Buffy. you and me. We'll get through it. We'll make mistakes and stuff, but we'll figure it out. We'll manage. You, me and Dawn. That's what she'd want.
Faith puts her arm around Buffy, and Buffy leans into her. Faith gently strokes the older slayer's blonde hair, and shuts her eyes. She's holding back her own tears, stamping down her pain. Right now, Buffy needs her clear headed. She can't give into grief right now.
Both slayers stay that way for awhile, seeming to draw and give strength to each other. Their peace is shattered by cries coming from Dawn's room.
" MOM!! MOM!!!! MOMMMMMYYY!!!!!!!!" Dawn screams out. Then they hear her break into sobs. They get up, rushing to comfort Dawn.
Over the next week before the funeral, an uneasy peace settles over the Summer's household. Buffy, Faith and Dawn all go about, trying to cope in their own way. Each becomes an island of grief; by choice or otherwise.
Buffy tries to deal by staying busy. Attending to every last detail of what must be done to take care of the funeral. She has to keep busy, has to keep going. That's her mantra. If she stops… but she can't stop. She has to keep going. She has to keep moving… she's afraid to stop.
Dawn is cutting school. She can't deal with the incessant drone of class, the kids, any of it. She pretends to go, then ditches. She most often sits alone, in a park. Staring for hours into nowhere. Nothing. She feels more alone and isolated than ever.
As the two sisters seem to drift farther apart, Faith is trying to bridge the widening gap between them. She is trying to be the glue that Joyce was, and trying to support Buffy, and trying to reach out to Dawn, and trying to deal with her own grief. And under it all she feels she is failing miserably, and doesn’t know what to do.
"What can I do Buffy?" Faith asks, near pleading." Please, baby let me help you".
Buffy just looks at her, or through her." Faith, I've got it. It's ok. I can handle it" Buffy says. She's afraid to lean on Faith. Afraid she'll fall over, collapse and never get up again. So, she keeps going. Keeps doing. And shuts Faith out.
Faith sees Dawn in the park one day, sitting alone. She walks over and sits by her.
"Hey, P-nut. No school?" Faith asks. " Or did ya ditch?"
"Why should I go? Not real, remember?" Dawn says, sullenly. "So what's the big?" She looks at Faith." I guess you're gonna tell Buffy, huh?"
"No, Dawnie" Faith says, quietly. " I know school can suck. For me, school sucked a lot".
"Thanks" Dawn said. She goes quiet.
There's no conversation for awhile.
"Want to talk about it?" Faith asks, after awhile.
"No" Dawn says.
Another long silence ensues. Dawn breaks it this time.
"Why doesn't she care, Faith?" Dawn asks. " Why is Buffy acting like she doesn't care?"
"What?" Faith says, taken aback. " That's not true, Dawnie".
"Yes it is . You know it’s true. She's running around, doing stuff like it's no big, like it's nothing important." Dawn says.
"That's so wrong, Dawnie" Faith says, defending Buffy." That's not fair."
"It's not wrong. I'm not blind, Faith. I can see. She's … just … it’s like she doesn't care, Faith. She doesn't care. She doesn't care mom died. She doesn't care about me. She just cares about herself!" Dawn spits out, frustrated, and confused.
"Dawn! How can you say that?" Faith exclaims. She takes hold of Dawn. " Look at me Dawn" She says. Dawn doesn't look. She's more insistent. " Look at me, Dawn!" Dawn looks, a sullen expression on her face. " Your sister cares very much. I know it's tearing her up inside, you're mom dying. It's breaking her heart, and this is the only way she knows how to deal. And as for caring about you… you're the most important thing in the world to her, Dawnie. She'd do anything for you… ".
"Liar!" Dawn says, low and mean." You're lying. Of course you defend her. She's your lover. But that doesn't make it right. She doesn't care that mom died, and neither do you. You both don't care!" She stands up. She shakes off Faith. " I hate you! I HATE YOU BOTH!!! Leave me ALONE!!!" She runs off, crying.
Faith starts after her, but stops. She's screwed it up bad enough. Catching her is just going to make it worse. She stands there, watching as Dawn recedes in the distance.
She sits back down, looking at her hands like she's never seen them before. She feels alone… alone like she hasn't felt in a long time. Buffy doesn't seem to need or want her. Dawn… hates her. She wants so desperately to talk to Joyce. To … understand. But she can't. She's gone. Tears sting at her eyes, tears of anger, frustration, pain and sorrow. But she won't let them come. She can't. It'd tear her apart. She can't be in pieces right now. She has to be here. For Buffy, for Dawn.
Who don't need her, or want her.
She feels like crap.

The night before the funeral.
Spike approaches the Summer's house carrying flowers. As he's about to lay them on the porch, Xander comes out. Willow is with him.
"What're you doing here?" Xander asks, suspicious.
"I brought these for Joyce" Spike says, indicating the flowers he's holding.
"Well, we don't want your flowers" Xander says." Or you, for that matter".
"These aren't FOR you, boy" Spike rejoins." They're for Mrs. Summers"
"God, you're a piece of work" Xander says, with disgust
"What's that supposed to mean?" Spike says, irritated.
" Trying to score points by bringing flowers. You're really something, Spike. Something that should be staked" Xander says.
" Listen, you git" Spike says, voice rising as his anger kicks in." These are for a lady. I liked Joyce Summers. She treated me decently… more than I can say for the rest of you. I'm showing my respect!"
"Well, that was her mistake, wasn't it?" Xander sneers.
"Shut up. The both of you" Willow hisses. "This is not the time, or place for this!"
"Right" Spike says. His face is a mask of wounded pride." Just forget it" He tosses the flowers down, turns on his heel, and walks off.
"God, the nerve of that guy. Trying to make points with Buffy this way" Xander's voice reflects his disgust.
Willow, who's gone down to retrieve the flowers, speaks up" Xander"
"What?" Xander asks, a little annoyed.
" There's no card. He didn't leave a card. Hard to score points if no one knows who their from" Willow says quietly.
Xander, not bending, just looks in the direction Spike left.
The day of the funeral dawns bright.
Dawn, Buffy and Faith all seem to be moving in slow motion. Or like they're moving through molasses. There is a general malaise in the air.
For Faith, the light today is too bright, too harsh. She wishes it'd been overcast, to fit the way she felt. The light today seems to hurt her eyes, and pierce her heart.
All of them are uncomfortable. They don't want to be here, but don't want to go anywhere before the funeral. So they are stuck together, and it's the first time since Joyce died that they've had to be together for more than an hour or so. Buffy and Dawn don't seem to want to deal with each other, and Faith feels like a battered buffer between them. Dawn asks to stay with Tara and Willow after the funeral, to stay overnight with them. Buffy assents, almost seeming relieved. Dawn picks this up, and is more sullen and moody. Faith looks at the both of them, and wants to bash their heads together, and afterwards hug them til their bruised. She…so desperately wants them to reach out to each other; what's happening now is just madness.
They are getting dressed for the funeral. About midway through getting dressed, Buffy sits on the bed suddenly, like she's lost all energy to move. Faith, worried, sits next to her.
"B? What is it?" Faith asks, gently.
" I'm screwing up, aren't I Faith?" Buffy asks, sounding lost.
"Buffy, you're doing the best you can" Faith says, encouragingly.
"I mean with Dawn. I'm… really screwing up" Buffy says, morosely.
"It's been hard on you both" Faith says, diplomatically." You just need to reach out a little to her. Let her know you care."
"I don't know how, Faith" Buffy says, sadly.
" Just do what your heart tells you, B. It's not gonna be easy. But try" Faith says. She gets up, and continues getting ready.
Just as they are both finished getting ready, a knock comes at the front door.
"I'll get that, B." Faith says. " You check on Dawn" She leaves to answer the door.
Buffy, sighing, gets up and goes to Dawn's room. She finds her sitting there, ready.
"Are you ready to go, Dawnie?" Buffy asks.
"Yes" Dawn responds, a little curtly.
Buffy goes and sits by Dawn. " Are you ok?" She asks, putting her arm around Dawn's shoulders.
Dawn shrugs her off, and replies." What do you care?" She replies. She gets up, and leaves the room.
Stung, Buffy sits there for a moment. Then, resigned to the fact she had that coming(and more), she gets up and follows Dawn out.
Standing at the gravesite, Faith looks around and is amazed at the amount of mourners.
She is standing with Buffy and Dawn. At first, she wasn't sure she should be with 'family'. But they both, silently, insisted. Fact of the matter was, they silently maneuvered it so she was between them. Somehow, this made Faith even more uncomfortable, but she accepted it. At first, they stood there, no one touching. Then Buffy's hand slips into her left hand, and Dawn's hand into her right hand. She squeezes both hands reassuringly, and does her best to keep from crying. She's afraid she won't stop if she starts now.
She is looking around, discreetly, as the service is read. She catches little snatches of it, but she is more interested in all the people that came to say goodbye to Joyce Summers. As she contemplates it, she sees the rightness in it. Joyce Summers had touched each and every one of these persons' lives. Yes, she made mistakes, lost her temper, could be clueless at times. But through it all a real and very endearing person emerged. One with the charm, grace and dignity to have a special place in so many hearts. Her heart filled with a deeper love and admiration for the woman. She only wished when her time came, she could have a fraction of the amount of people here want to say goodbye to her.
" ….We commit this body to the soil, as we commit her soul to you, Oh lord".
Quietly, Buffy leading the way, each approached the casket. They each laid a rose on the coffin. Buffy first, and then Dawn. Then Faith( who almost broke down, but recovered herself). Then friends, then others. By the time all were done, Joyce's coffin was covered in roses. It touched Faith on a deep level.
After that the funeral broke up. People started leaving in little groups.
Willow approached Buffy and Faith, who were still standing by the grave, and said quietly." Dawn's ready to go. We thought we'd take her back now…if that's ok? We can wait for awhile, if you want?"
"No… you go ahead, Will. I need a little more time here" Buffy replied.
"Ok, Buffy. I'll call you later" Willow said. She turned and walked back to Tara and Dawn. They left.
The two women stood side by side at the gravesite for awhile longer, silent and in their own thoughts. Finally Buffy broke the silence.
"Faith? Would it be ok if I had a little time alone here? I'm not trying to be rude…I…" Buffy asked. Faith just squeezed her hand.
"It's ok, B. I understand. I'll see you back at the house" She said, turning away. She did understand. She wanted her own chance to say goodbye privately. She'd come back later.
It was 10 pm, and Faith was getting really worried.
She'd been waiting hours for Buffy to return from the cemetery. She'd held dinner till it turned into a rock, and still Buffy hadn't returned. She thought maybe she decided to patrol. But dismissed that thought when she remembered how Buffy was dressed, and was without weapons.
All sorts of bad things began to play through her mind. What if she'd been attacked by vamps while at the cemetery? What if Glory had caught up to her, and decided to attack? She kept telling herself it was silly. She'd be home any minute now, calm down everything's alright. But her gut didn't feel it was alright. Maybe she stopped at the Bronze? Or… maybe she went to check up on Dawn? Or…
Finally, wound up tight, she decided to patrol and look for Buffy. Well, look for Buffy, and pretend she was patrolling, anyway. She changed into clothing more suitable for patrolling, got a knife and a few stakes, and set out. First stop. Restfield.
She quietly approached the grave. In case Buffy was still there, she didn't want to disturb her. The moon was bright overhead, so seeing was no problem. Later, when thinking back, she wished it had been.
When she got close to the grave, she noted that two figures were there, standing side by side. One was Buffy, which immediately took a heavy weight off Faith's heart. She's ok, she's fine, Faith thought, relieved.
The other was a tall, dark man, standing close to Buffy, arm around her shoulders. Something was familiar about him, but she couldn't quite place it as their backs were turned to her. Then they turned to face each other, and she recognized the man.
Angel!
She quietly retreated to the nearest tree, and looked towards the couple. She saw them draw closer… and kiss.
She felt her heart sink to her toes. The tears threatening to spill all week were at her eyes, nearly blinding her.
After all she'd been through, the stress, trying to hold it together, trying to hold Buffy and Dawn together, this was just too much.
Not even bothering to be quiet, not really looking where she was going, she ran
And ran, and ran. Til her lungs and muscles gave out.
Then she sat, exhausted, as the tears flowed and her body was wracked with sobs.
It took awhile, more than an hour, but she cried herself out. Dispirited, feeling more alone, she walked back home.
Wondering how much more she could take.
Wondering if she'd be calling it home much longer.
She just didn't know.

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Seasons of Faith