• 1-Independence
• 2-Independence, Part 2
• 3-Independence, Part 3
• 4-Independence, Part 4
• 5-Independence, Part 5
• 6-Independence, Part 6
• 7-Independence, Part 7
• 8-Independence, Part 8
• 9-Independence, Part 9
• 10-Independence, Part 10
• 11-Independence, Part 11
• 12-Independence, Part 12
• 13-Independence, Part 13
• 14-Independence, Part 14
• 15-Independence, Part 15
• 16-Independence, Part 16
• 17-Independence, Part 17
• 18-Independence, Part 18
• 19-Independence, Part 19
• 20-Independence, Part 20
• 21-Independence, Part 21
• 22-Independence, Part 22
• 23-Independence, Part 23
• 24-Independence, Part 24
• 25-Independence, Part 25
• 26-Independence, Part 26
• 27-Independence, Part 27
• 28-Independence, Part 28
• 29-Independence, Part 29

Independence

By Norwalker

Part 19 of

Summary: What did Willow and Faith discuss in that little car trip from L.A. to Sunnydale in season 7? And what were the consequences? A Willow/ Faith story

Rating: R, Very R
Category: romance/drama/angst
Spoilers: Possible season 7 spoilers. Possible season 4 Angel spoilers. C'mon, you must have seen 'em by now!
Time Line: Mid season 7(after the return of Faith) and beyond
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon , Mutant Enemy and Fox own them.

Warrnings: Adult themes, violence, sexual situations between members of the same gender. Please be aware, character death is always a distinct possibility. It can happen here, so don't say I didn't warn you!!! Any racist remarks are spoken by the characters, and are in no way shared by the author. This story is not meant for children.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Willow pushes herself up off the bed, into a sitting position, trying to gain control of her emotions. Wiping her face of tears, she looks around at the room, and sighs. – Well, Will, I see you've got that control down really good. Boy, wouldn't Giles be proud of how you manage your emotions?- She hops off the bed, and begins to pick up the scattered clothing, bric-a-brac and furniture she tossed around in her little temper tantrum earlier this morning.

Picking up the suitcase she shoved off the bed when she ran in here earlier, she opens it, planning to start packing her clothes. – It's really pointless to hang around here any longer. Don't even know why I stayed overnight, really. Should've just left after that fiasco of a memorial last night. No, couldn't do that. Buffy had gone missing. Yeah, uh-huh, started lying to yourself again, Will? You know you didn't know about Buffy until Faith came up and told you Buffy was AWOL. No, c'mon, at least, be honest with yourself. You were hoping maybe you could talk to Faith, maybe… what am I thinking? Talk to her? That's kinda pointless. She's made a new life for herself, evidently with that tall, come-hither, over pretty model type she works with. God, never knew she was into that type.- Willow purses her lips. – Yuh-huh, and exactly what type did you think Faith would go for, huh, Willow? May your type? You're so the hypocrite. You tell everybody you're over her, you act as if it's all so doesn't matter that she has her own life, a life that doesn't include you, yet you get all petty about her being with someone. I mean, Will, did you really live the nun's life in San Fran? Don't think so. You were out dating… one Jana, as I recall. The only reason you haven't gone to bed with her is the thing about getting too serious. So, how come it's ok for you to date, for you to contemplate going a little further than dating, and it's not ok for Faith?-

Willow hates that she has to be fair.- So how come I gotta be all fair, anyway? Was it fair that she dumped me? Did I ask to be dumped? Did I say, "Gee, Faith, why don't you just drop me and go off and live your own life and get some gorgeous girlfriend and you know, forget about me?"- Willow stops and thinks about that thought, and even she realizes exactly how twisted that is.- Jealous much, Will? If you're eyes get any greener, they're gonna glow. Do you think maybe all these tantrums, and all this stupid thinking, might be just jealousy? That you want to see her miserable, and suffering, and pining like mad over you… instead of being all confident and strong and … GAAAH, I can't even stand it, it's so petty, Willow. You're better than this, you know that. Ok, sure, it hurts, but you know what? I think it's time you show her exactly what kind of girl she lost. Go down there, make nice, or peace, or whatever, and let her know you're happy for her, and that you hope she's … well, happy. She may be squiring 'round some model or something, but hey, I'll just show her that I'm cool, I'm together, I don't need anyone to make me strong. Yeah… Yeah! First though, I should go over and tell Buffy. Poor baby, all worried about me, and it's her that needs some support here, you know? Yeah, this is good, this is really good. I'm gonna do it… yeah, gonna do it right now…-

-Wait, wait. Get packed first. Gotta get myself ready to go.- Willow begins to buzz about the room, picking things up to pack . - I mean… really, what'm I sticking around here for, anyway? Just so I can see Faith? Why? Pointless. Ex stuff. I mean, really, it's history, right? Damn, but what about Buffy? I mean… I'm really thinking she needs a friend right now. Someone to get her out of her funk. She's acting so not like Buffy.- Willow stops moving for a moment.- I mean, I just can't leave her to twist in the wind. She needs me. I can't just leave her here alone to face whatever demons she's battling. That'd be wrong. No, no, I better stay, you know?- Willow starts grabbing the clothes she put into the suitcases and moves to the dresser to put them away. – I mean, Buffy's my best friend. She needs me now, and I gotta be with her, right? No, I gotta stay, that's the thing. I gotta stay for Buffy.- Willow puts the clothes in the dresser, and turns back towards the suitcase to grab more. She makes it halfway and stops. – Wait, my business. I just can't not be there. I've got a business to run. I can't do that from here. Oh, sure, they can handle it for awhile when I'm away, like now… but I can't take months off. I mean, who knows how long this'll take? No, I can't stay. But I can't desert Buffy, either. Goddess, what'm I gonna do?- Willow stands, thinking about it for a minute, then a big grin breaks over her face.- Well, duh. She comes back to San Francisco with me. Geeze, Will, you're supposed to be smart, why didn't you think about that. Hey, I got that house, plenty of room for two. Yeah, It'll be cool… just like old times back in Sunnydale. The slayer and the witch, together again. Yeah. Not like she'd get too bored, plenty of weirdness in San Fran. And hey, that'll give us a chance to talk, maybe I can suss out what's the what with her, help her find a solution, you know? Be the best friend I'm supposed to be. Yeah, this is good. Oh Will, you're just too good.- Making up her mind, Willow turns back to the dresser to get her stuff to pack.

- This is gonna be so good! Yeah, me and Buff, in San Fran. Too cool.- Willow makes it to the dresser, then stops. - Whoa… hold on, Will. What if Buffy doesn't wanna go to San Francisco with you? I mean, she's from L.A., maybe she wants to stay here. Ever think of that? I mean, maybe she wants to be close to where Angel was. Oh, goddess, what about Jana? She's already upset me coming here without her. What'll she think if I bring someone "home". Never mind I told her it wasn't supposed to be serious, never mind that Buffy and I are just friends. It could get so weird. I mean, what she gonna think ? Well, heck. If she wants to be a major poop head about it, let her. I mean, I said time after time, not serious. If she can't deal with me helping my best friend, what does that say about her? I mean, I like her… I like her a lot. But she's just gotta accept that I have friends.. girlfriends… ok, friends that're girls, and there's nothing more to it. I mean, geeze, does she have to be a child about it?- Willow stops, half way to the suitcase, and realizes what she's been doing. - WILLOW, STOP!!! WILLOW, STOP!!! God, you're way beyond over-thinking this. God, just stop! You're way beyond over-thinking this. First thing to do is talk to Buffy. Then talk to Faith, maybe. Then figure this all out. You're making yourself crazy, here. Go talk to Buffy.­ That's the ticket!- Willow finds herself halfway between the bed and dresser, clutching some clothing she picked up earlier from the floor. She looks at the dresser, then the bed. Then she shrugs, and lets the clothing drop back on the floor. ­– I'll deal with this later. Got other more important things to do.­- Carefully stepping over the clothing she just dropped, and the other little piles of clothing in the room, she heads towards the door.

Willow crosses the hall, noticing Buffy's door is ajar. Not wanting to just barge in on her, she stops and knocks on the door jamb.

" Hey, Buffy, can we talk?"

No answer. – Well, maybe she's napping. She looked a little ragged.

" Buffy?" Willow calls out , not too loudly. – No use to wake her if she's sleeping. I mean, we can talk later.-

Still no reply. Curious, Willow carefully pushes the door open wider.- Just peek in, be sure she's ok- She looks around, but no Buffy in sight.- Hmmm… wonder where she got to?- Willow shrugs. – Oh, well, maybe she's downstairs. She couldn't have gotten too far.-

Willow heads for the staircase.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Giles barrels through the doorway leading to the garden, expecting to have to give chase to Buffy.- I really am getting too old to be chasing after young women… alright, Rupert, that truly sounds wrong!!-

He's more than a little surprised when he nearly trips over Buffy, who's sitting on the garden fountain, staring at the ground. Stopping himself, and panting a little because the adrenaline is still pumping through him, he looks at Buffy, who seems to look a bit lost. And more than a little embarrassed.

" Sorry for the freak out, Giles, " Buffy says, staring at the ground, not really wanting to look at him, " but that scene in there was just a little too déjà vu-ey ."

" I quite understand, Buffy. Though, I promise you, there is no apocalypse coming. At least, none that I've heard of." Breaking through his normal British reserve, Giles reaches down and chucks Buffy under her chin, raising her face to look at him, " are you quite sure you're ok?"

" I think we both know the answer to that one, don't we, Giles?" Buffy grins ruefully at him. " I think it's time, Giles."

" Time?" inquires Giles, not following.

" To fire me from the council? Way past time, actually."

" Buffy! Really, I don't see any need for you to leave the council!"

" Oh, come on, Giles. It's been way past time for a long time. I haven't exactly been contributing there, not in some time."

" Well, I understand, with Angel's passing and all…"

" No, Giles, even before that… you know that. Only reason I've remained as long as I have is because you're on the council. If you weren't there, I would've been booted long before."

" Buffy, that's simply not true!"

" Giles, please. I know you respect me and all, but let's face it. In the intellectual department, I'm not exactly amongst the heavy lifters. Kinda hard to even get in the 5 pound barbell division. And I so suck at politics, and bureaucracy makes me itchy. All kind of saying, " So not Council material." Wouldn't you say? I mean, if it were anyone but me?"

" I'd say that was a rather percipient observation, Buffy… which rather speaks against your own argument. But, I can understand your disenchantment with the council… believe me, I do so heartily understand it" his own tone reflects a certain bitterness." Bloody sodding burkes."

" Giles!" Buffy smiles for the first time, " for you, that's nearly swearing like a sailor." She gently tweaks him.

Giles smiles, a little color coming to his cheeks.

" Let's face it, Giles. We haven't totally failed, I don't think. I mean, we've gotten some reforms passed. But in the over all picture? I'm not making any difference there…"

" Well then, Buffy, what do you plan to do?" Giles asks, gently.

" I don't know, Giles, I … I'll have to find something…" Buffy looks up at Giles, her face reflective, " It used to be simple, Giles. I knew what I was, what my destiny was. No choice, it was what it was. But I had this feeling... of being part of something, a purpose. Now…" She shrugs.

" Do you regret what you did in Sunnydale? Making all the potentials into slayers?" Giles asks

" No, no… it was right. The right thing to do. The rules had to change… it was wrong the way it was, and frankly? No real choice, not if we wanted to defeat the First." Buffy sighs, " but like everything else, there was a cost. This is mine…"

"Buffy, perhaps now is the time to pursue that ' normal life ' you've always wanted," Giles says, "After all, you've earned it."

Buffy chuckles, not at Giles but at circumstance, " I wish, Giles. Thing is, I've seen too much, I know what's out there… I can't just turn my back on it, much as I wish I could. And…"

" And?"

" Angel's death really brought me up short, Giles. I always thought… he'd be here. I hoped that somehow the Shanshu Prophecy would be fulfilled… sometime before I hit 50, since it would look odd me , 50, being with a man 250 years old who looked in his mid 20's… know what I mean? But, there was a hope of a life with Angel, and all the stuff we couldn't have together. Like kids, and picnics, and days at the beach…" Buffy seems to shrink into herself, and she looks down at the hands in her lap. " But he's gone, Giles. Gone. That's never going to happen."

" Buffy…."

" No, Giles… it's ok, I'll deal. It's just left this huge canyon in my heart, you know? And… I feel like I'm drifting…"

" Buffy… what can I do to help?"

" No one can help, Giles. Listening helps, " She looks up, with a crooked grin on her face, " Giles, you know I love you, don't you? That's never changed. Even if I've built this big wall between us… so we've been kind of awkward lately…"

" I know, Buffy. I love you also, " Giles says, " I did my part to build the wall."

" Do you think we could like… build a gate in the wall then? I really could use a hug right now."

Giles smiles, and holds out his arms. Buffy slips into them comfortably. It's not a new place for her, but right now, it certainly feels wonderfully refreshing. They hold the hug for awhile, Buffy leaning her head on Giles' chest. Then she notices a change in Giles, and looks up. She sees him peering over her head, looking inside the hotel lobby.

"What is it, Giles?" Buffy asks.

" There's something going on inside, Buffy."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Willow hears voices downstairs… a lot of voices.

Curiosity piqued, she looks down to see a crowd of young girls milling around the lobby.- What's this about?- She begins to descend the stairs, and sees that woman… Kira … standing looking out through the garden doors.- Oh, swell, just who I need. Oh, chill Will. At least maybe she'll know what's going on.- As she hits mid stairs, she can start to pick out snatches of conversations.

" Well, did you see her bugger out?"

" She did look freaked. What's her deal?"

" Man, she looked like she seen a ghost or something."

" It's these celebrity types. They're always a little spooky, ya know?"

" Excuse me, " Willow calls out. Kira hears her voice and turns around, " Exactly who are you, and what do you want here?"

" Oh, hey. Are you in charge here?" One of the girls calls up.

" Are you Faith?" Another one asks.

" Don't be a nitwit. That's not Faith. Mr. Giles says Faith's a brunette. Does she look like a brunette to you?"

" Well, excuse ME, Ms. Authority!"

" Mr. Giles?" Willow asks, puzzled. " Is Giles here?" Willow looks around, but doesn't see him.

" Actually, I think you girls are looking for me, " Faith, leaning on the reception desk, calls out." I'm Faith. If you'll move your butts over here, we'll get you assigned to rooms." She goes around the desk and pulls out a clipboard.

Kira turns back to looking out the lobby windows.

The girls, relieved to finally have somebody back in charge, gather around the reception desk. That doesn't stop them from all jabbering at once, however, trying to jockey for best rooms, asking questions and complaining in general. Faith at first tries to put up with the general chaos, but finds it nearly impossible to hear herself think, much less get things organized.

" Ok…OK… SHUT UP!" Faith finally yells out. The lobby goes quiet, and Faith smiles." Better. Ok, listen up. You girls are doubling up. This isn't the Hilton, girls, it's school. I've spoken to Mr. Giles, and we've set up room assignments based on that conversation. Don't be bitching about who you're assigned with, for now it sticks. If, later on, you absolutely can't stand each other, we'll see if we can't make some changes, but for now, things are set. Is that clear?"

There is some of the usual grumbling, but it subsides quickly, and Faith continues.

" Ok, then. Now, before we give out the room assignments, we're going to go over the house rules. First of all, there is a definite curfew. 10 pm during the week, Midnight Fridays and Saturdays. No exceptions! If for some reason you're going to be late, call. You've all been given cell phones, so there's no excuse for not calling. Don't make the house proctor come looking for you, or you're going to be in a whole world of hurt. Questions?"

" What happens if you're late?" One of the girls pipes up.

" Well, it's simple. One late, and you're warned. Two, and you're on probation. Three times late during training, and you're going home."

" That’s not fair, " Another girl grumbles.

" Fair? Who said anything about fair? This is slayer training. Not private school. Your life depends on your training, and being disciplined enough to follow that training. We don't have time to coddle you, you're lives can and will be on the line. So, everything depends on you being here, and being rested. The training is intense, tough and highly physical. A tired slayer doesn't do us jack. Understood?"

More grumbles.

" Good, ok then. Next. As you know, the actual training facility is located separate from housing. That means you'll all go by bus to training. Training lasts from 9 am to 5 pm, Monday through Friday. The bus will be here at 8 am to pick you up. Breakfast will be served at 7 am. So you can get used to it, some slack will be cut on the first week. After the first week, if you're more than 10 minutes late to breakfast, you'll be training on an empty stomach 'til lunch. So make sure you get up in time to do what you need to do so you're on time. Oh, a tip? Whining won't help, so don't try it, ok? Clear?"

Nods, moans and some chatter signify everything's understood.

Willow turns away. Despite what's happened, and how she's feeling, she can't help the small smile that’s on her face. The irony is just too delicious. – Is this the same Faith that was a rebel? The girl didn't know rules, didn't want to know them, and resented it if you tried to introduce her to them? Man, things have changed in a year.- Willow sighs, - Changed too much. I wouldn't take away what she has now; she's confident, she believes in herself… I love seeing that in her. But I'd change that night at my Grammy's house. Why didn't I just see?- Looking up, Willow notices that Kira is staring out the windows to the garden. ­– What's up. Why's she so focused on what's going on out there? Why isn't Ms. Perfect with her honey, helping out with the girls?- Curious, Willow walks over to where Kira is , and sees Giles and Buffy in the garden, talking. Well, actually, it's Buffy that appears to be talking; Giles is standing, listening. Moving past Kira, Willow starts towards the door, when a hand reaches out to restrain her.

" Don't," Kira says, quietly, " I think they need some time."

Willow turns around, frowning. " Get your hand off me, please, " She says, shaking Kira off.

" Look, I know why you're angry at me, ok?"

" Well, isn't that special?" Willow replies, her voice dripping acid. " I can see why Faith likes you. You're just right on top of it, aren't you?"

" It's not what you think…"

" Oh, you know what I think now? Gee, good talent, mind reading. Been doing it long?"

Kira feels the impulse to reach out and slap Willow, but lets it slide, " Buffy came down to tear me a new one, when she was convinced by someone that Faith and I were … well, more than friends. Got any ideas who that might be?"

" Hey, I didn't ask her to. Frankly I didn't want her to. Less I have to think about you, the better."

" She's very loyal to you. You're lucky, you know, " Kira looks out to where Buffy and Giles are talking.

" Yeah, well, that's what friends do. Sorry if in your limited experience you don't know that. Maybe because you don't have any friends?"

" Faith is my friend."

" Oh, yeah, you two were getting real friendly, I know," Willow smirks.

" What is your problem, anyway? Yeah, we're friendly. Friends, remember? Buffy told me you saw us hug. So? I was comforting her…"

" I bet you were."

Kira, seeing it's pointless talking to Willow, diverts the subject, " You're friend is… in trouble, isn't she." She nods towards the garden. " She really lost it when Mr. Giles came in with the girls. But even before that, she's been acting… weird."

" What business is that of yours, anyway? What do you care? She's my friend, not yours." Willow has moved in front of her, as if the block her off.

" I'd like to be her friend, Willow. I'd like to be your friend, if you'd let me."

Willow sizes her up. " You're good, you're real good, " Willow's tone is slightly bitter, " sure, you can be her friend. Why not? You can afford to be generous, right? You've got Faith, right? Now you want to be Buffy's 'friend' too. Sure, why not take her from me too?"

Kira tilts her head, staring at Willow. " That's what this is all about, isn't it? You think I've 'taken' Faith from you. If that wasn't so utterly stupid, I might almost laugh. I didn't take Faith from you, you moron. Faith doesn't look at me that way, and I don't want Faith that way. Oh, and a tip? I can't 'take' something from you when you don't have it!"

" Do you think I'm blind, or stupid? I saw you this morning, touching her, holding her. You can call it anything you want, but it sure looked pretty cozy to me!"

" Do you want to know why I was holding her?" Kira feels her temper rising, and her voice with it, but she's beyond caring." Over you, you nitwit. She was grieving, again, over you!!! She scared, but you never even wanted to know that, did you? She's so scared of losing you, it's tearing her apart. But do you care? I really gotta wonder!"

" Losing me?" Willow feels her own temper rising," For god's sake, maybe she didn't tell you, but she dumped ME, Kira, not the other way around. She walked away from me! I didn't want that!!!"

" Did you even bother to find out why? Did you?"

" She told me a b.s. story about not wanting to hurt me. Oh, and dumping me didn't hurt?" Willow turns away, " Oh yeah, I know she's part demon. I know that. But did she even give me a chance? No. Just walked away. I'm sorry, but that doesn't wash."

" You don't have a clue, do you?" Kira turns Willow back around, " You don't get it, do you?"

" What… what the hell are you talking about?"

" Why she really … god, you're so dense, it's unbelievable. But I guess I shouldn't expect more. I mean, you're so damned selfish and self-involved, why should I think you'd see beyond your own feelings, and try to understand why Faith left you."

" Ok, I'll repeat. What the hell are you talking about?"

" Don't you think Faith talks to me? I'm her friend, whether you want to believe it or not. We talk, a lot. Remember that night, that night she killed that thing that was her father, remember that night at all, Ms. Rosenberg. Do you? DO YOU?"

" How can I forget it?" Willow hisses, " I was there. I saw it."

" Yeah, and do you remember your reaction? Because, Faith does."

" I was scared, yeah… I ran out… I didn't know what to think…"

" Did you think maybe Faith didn't notice? Maybe she just blanked out? She saw fear and revulsion on your face, in your eyes. And you left her there, alone, to deal. Remember that? Did you know why you were there? Because her … that monster… had you there. He wanted you to do exactly what you did. He set it up, to show Faith that she was a monster. That no one could believe her, love her. and you… you did exactly what he wanted, as if you had a script. You didn't think to believe in Faith, to trust her. No, you thought she was some kind of killer. Not like you're exactly powerless, is it Willow? Not from what Faith tells me. You could've stopped her if she acted crazy. But you didn't even give her a chance, did you? You ran out on her. After having a lifetime of people run out on her, throw her away, how do you think that made her feel? But you didn't think of that, did you?"

" No… I panicked, ok, I'm human" Willow says, defensively.

" I'm glad you remember that… too bad you didn't think to remember that about Faith. She knows you were scared, but she was scared too. She saw you run away, afraid of her. She dealt with what she'd done, but when you didn't come back… she knew she'd lost you. No matter what, it'd always be there. That fear, that doubt. That revulsion."

" But I figured it out, I did come back, but she was gone…" Willow says, " I looked for her, I even went to her grandmother's house, looking for her. But I didn't find her!"

" You looked for her? How hard? You're a witch, right? Pretty powerful, right? Isn't there some kind of spell or something you could've done to locate her, if you really wanted to?"

" Yes," Willow says, softly.

" But you didn't think to do that, did you? Because, I really don't think you wanted to find her."

" That's just stupid!"

" Is it? I don't think so. Why did you wait for Faith to come to you, then? If you really wanted to find her? Why didn't you try to locate her? Let her know that you loved her? Don't you think she maybe needed that?"

" Henry… her grandfather, he said… she needed time alone." Willow says, realizing how lame that sounds as it leaves her mouth.

" And you bought that. But it fits. Do you want to know why?"

" No, I really don't want to know why. Because I don't think you've got a clue."

" Too bad, going to tell you anyway. I think you like being the 'tragic victim'."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Willow's voice goes up an octave.

" Faith told me about your last girlfriend… I can't remember her name…"

" Tara." Willow says quietly.

" Yes, Tara. I know how she died. How awful it was, and I'm sorry, " Kira says softly, but then her voice rises, " but you're using her as an excuse. You don't want to open up, so you shove anyone that tries to get too close away. Look at Kennedy. She got too close, and you dropped her for Faith. When Faith got too close, you let her dump you. And now you're the ' tragic victim' again. You don't have to deal, because everybody knows you're 'suffering'."

" You don't know anything about it!" Willow yells at her, " You're full of shit!"

"Am I, really? Then what's the deal? Why'd you give up on her way before she left you, Willow? WHY?"

" I didn't! I DIDN'T!!!"

" Then why didn't you try to find her, let her know you loved her, no matter what? WHY?"

" Leave me alone, just leave me the hell alone!" Willow tries to get away, but Kira blocks her. " Get out of my way!"

" No. Not until you give me the truth… or did I hit it? Is that it, Willow? Is it? Everyone thinks of you as ' Poor Willow, never gets a break. Always the poor victim.' "

" GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY!" Willow screams, raising her hands to start a spell.

" No… not until you tell me… why? Why did you let her go?"

" BECAUSE I CAN'T WATCH HER DIE!!!! NOT LIKE TARA!!!! I CAN'T LET HER DIE! NOT BECAUSE OF ME!! IF SHE DIED,IT'D BE MY FAULT, JUST LIKE TARA. I CAN'T DO IT. I CAN'T. IF SHE DIED… if she died…I …I'd want to kill again, I'd go evil again… no coming back … no coming back… I can't let her die… not because me … no, not again… not again…"

Suddenly Willow remembers they're not alone. The entire place is quiet, looking at her and Kira. Faith is by the reception desk, her mouth hung open. Willow, wrecked, embarrassed, runs up the stairs, trying to get away. Kira starts after her.

" No, leave her alone!" Faith calls out. It's not a request

" She needs…"

" You've done enough, Kira. Leave her alone!" Faith barks. She moves to the staircase, and says more quietly, "Get down here, I need you to finish this."

Kira comes downstairs, crossing Faith's path as she does.

" I'm sorry… I'm really sorry, " Kira says, remorsefully

" Never mind. Just get the room assignments done. I'll take care of this." Faith starts up the stairs.

- God, If I only had a clue as to how-

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"What's going on in here?" Rupert Giles asks as he and Buffy re-enter the lobby.

The baby slayers are gathered around the reception desk and Kira behind it, handing out room assignments. But that seems to be the secondary activity to the hum and buzz going on.

" Oh, Mr. Giles. It was something" one of the baby slayers calls out to Giles, " They had a heck of a fight, and then the red headed woman took off up the stairs. Faith followed her up, trying to catch her I think."

" Fight? Faith and Willow had a fight?" Buffy asks, moving towards the stairs.

" No, not Faith and … Willow?…. her and Willow !" The slayer to be points at Kira.

" Yeah, they were fighting about Faith and Willow though, I think. And some third woman… Tara? Was that the name?"

" I think so, yes, that's it" the first one says.

- Tara?! Oh, god, that's like rubbing salt in the wound. Why the hell did she…? -

" Tara? You brought up Tara? To Will? Why would you do that? Do you even KNOW Tara, Kira?"

" I didn't bring her up… well, not really. I just …" Kira trails off.

" Not really? How… not really?" Buffy barks.

" I was just trying to get her to admit that she was … well, she held some fault in the … I didn't mean…" Kira stumbles over her words, seeing the look on Buffy's face.

" Held fault in what?" Buffy's voice is low… dangerously low.

" In her and Faith's break up … that she used Tara's death as an excuse to …" But that's as far as she gets. There's a sharp cracking sound. Everybody looks, and Buffy is holding what's left of the rounded top of the first stile on the staircase. The rest of it is in pieces.

" You. utter. moron." Buffy growls at Kira. " Do you have any idea… how much of an idiot you are?"

" Buffy!" Giles calls out.

" No, Giles, don't even try to defend her. She wasn't there when it came down. You were there, remember? You nearly died… " Buffy turns to Kira, a look of angry disgust on her face. " Do you even know what happened? That Willow as in the room when Tara was shot? Right in front of her eyes? Did you know she was splattered with her dying lover's blood? The woman she loved so much…. but you wouldn't know jack about that, would you, KIRA? "

Kira blanches, and her eyes go wide. She flinches for a minute when it looks like Buffy's going to throw the remaining piece of the stile at her head, but at the last second Buffy throws it at the wall, putting a hole in it.

" Buffy, for God's sake, calm down!" Giles tries to come to her, but she puts her hand up.

" I'm not going to hurt her, Giles." Buffy turns to Kira, " I don't kill humans. Lucky you. Maybe next time you'll think before you open your goddamn mouth." With that, Buffy runs up the stairs.

" What the hell is her problem, anyway?" A scared, and therefore somewhat belligerent Kira asks.

" Her problem, Kira, is that Buffy has this funny habit of protecting those she cares about. Willow is like a sister to her, and you did something to hurt her. Not intentionally, I know… but to Buffy, that doesn't always make a difference." Giles comes behind the counter, and helps Kira pass out the room assignments. With the buzz going on, and the excitement, it takes awhile, but finally the lobby is cleared out. He turns to Kira, and speaks. "Exactly what do you know about Willow, Kira?" he asks gently.

" Not a lot, really. Just what Faith says about her. She talks all the time about her, but not really much about her past. I did get that she was a powerful witch, and that her lover, before Faith, had been killed by accident, by a stray bullet. That she… well, she broken up about it… but not really much more than that."

" Did you know that two years ago, she came within inches of destroying the world?" Giles asks, quietly.

" What? I… oh my god, Mr. Giles, what're you talking about?"

Giles patiently explains what happened to Willow in the aftermath of Tara's death. How she ' went to a place of rage and pain and vengeance', and literally absorbed the dark art's books, how her power corrupted her, and how she killed Warren, and how she nearly killed her friends, himself included. How her pain was so great, so consuming, she nearly destroyed the world. Kira shakes her head, finding this all hard to process. She looks up the stairs, then back at Giles.

" I … I had no idea… " Kira looks humbled.

" I know, Kira. You meant well," Giles reassures her, " but magic to Willow is like a drug. She's been recovering for over 2 years, and she's … still hurting, some. Certain things … still bring up the bad memories for her. Tara is one." Giles looks at Kira sympathetically, " You were just trying to help Faith. I know that… Buffy will too, once she calms down."

" She's something, isn't she?" Kira asks, then clarifies, " Buffy, I mean. She'll fool you. She's kind of … peculiar." Kira's brow furrows.

" She is something," Giles agrees. " Though, I think I prefer special."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Willow sits quietly on her bed, staring at the floor. There are no tears in her eyes; she's not crying. She's more in the shock that happens when you're forced to face a fundamental truth about yourself. A truth that isn't reassuring or pleasant.

She spent a long time trying to find answers to why she and Faith broke up. She blamed Faith, since on the surface, it was Faith that left her. But how much responsibility belonged to her? Because much as she hated to admit it, Kira was right. She could've… should've… done more to find Faith, to reassure her that she loved her, that it was alright. Why hadn't she? Why had she just gone passive, waiting for Faith to come and decide their life together, or as it went, not together?

Because she was guilty of the very thing she blamed Faith for: she was afraid of getting to close, becoming too involved with Faith, or anyone. Because she still blamed herself for Tara's death, and wouldn't allow herself to even get close to it happening again. She was the coward she blamed of being. She helped torpedo their relationship , sharing at least equal blame with Faith. The difference being, Faith had accepted responsibility for it coming apart, she hadn't. She didn't like what that implied about her.

- Even if Faith hadn't broken it off, how long would it have lasted? I mean, before I managed to let my fears sabotage it? There I was, always screaming at her, " Trust me, trust me!" But was I trusting her? I hate this, really hate this, because I hurt her… I really did… and shit…-

She breaks off that line of thought, because it really is just self defeating. It's already fait accompli, no matter how much she blames herself. The questions she has to ask herself are:

Can you make it right?

What do you want? Really want?

Can you finally face your fears, and get past them?

Does it really matter, because, will Faith really ever want you back, anyway?

That last is the hardest. – It may be too late. Too much time, too much distance, may have killed whatever we once had. At least for her. After what I did, I can't expect her to really trust me, can I? Much less, forgive me, or want me. How can I be so damned stupid, anyway? I'm smarter than that. I'm supposed to be the smart one. But hey, when it comes to the important stuff, the stuff that make life worth living, I'm a total 'tard. Mega Moron. Incredible idiot. And, hey, this is really helping, too, isn't it? Beating the dead horse?-

W illow gets up, and opens her suitcase.-Time to pack, and get out of here. Can't think here, can't really be here anymore -. Watching Faith, knowing what she does, knowing that chances are, somewhere around nil, it's more torture than she can really handle.- Maybe at least I've learned something. Maybe, if someday I get a chance to be with someone again, I won't fuck it up again.- Willow crosses to the dresser to get her clothing when she hears a light knock at her door.

" Go away, please. I really don't feel like talking to anyone."

Faith stands staring at the door. – Now what? Brilliant, Faith. Come up here, without a clue of what to say. Totally brilliant.- She starts to knock again, but realizes it'll be futile unless she speaks up. That's what's killing her… trying to find the courage to actually say what's in her heart. To open herself up, to show Willow that she's willing to risk it. – Maybe if she sees I'll put it on the line, she'll try too. Maybe. Damn. Ah, fuck this. Stupid idea, anyway.- She starts to turn away, when it hits her. – Do you really want to live your life without her? Cuz, if you let her go now, it's over. It's really over. Is that what you want, Faith? Can you live with that?- Faith knows the answer to that one. She turns back to the door, and calls out.

" C'mon, Red, we gotta talk. We gotta talk about this."

There's a long pause. So long in fact, that Faith figures that Willow isn't going to reply. She's ready to turn away again, when the door opens, and Willow is standing there, looking at her. She doesn't look happy to see her.

"What's the point, Faith? What's to talk about?"

" For one thing, that Kira was way outta line. She never should've said those things to you."

" Kira was right, Faith. I didn't do everything I could to find you. I didn't try as hard as I should've, not nearly as hard. Oh, and … I'm scared, Faith, scared to love you… or anybody."

" And you think you're the only scared one in this hallway, Red? You think I'm not scared? The way you looked at me that night was like a knife to my heart. I saw fear and revulsion in your eyes. I'm…no… I'm not saying it wasn't right for you to feel that way. Not after what you saw. But it didn't make it any better… and when you didn't come back, I was afraid you hated me. I… I couldn't face you . That's why I didn't wait longer. I …"

"Stop, don't, " Willow puts her fingers to Faith's lips. " Don't do this to yourself. You didn't fail me that night, I failed you. I should've believed in you, gave you the benefit of the doubt, no matter. But I didn't…." Willow retracts her hand. " I can't stand here Faith. It hurts too much to stand here. I can't look at you in the eyes. I'm so ashamed of myself. What I've done to you…" She trails off, and starts to close the door. Faith puts her foot in the door.

" That's it? You're giving up? You don't want to try? It's over?" Faith's voice cracks.

" Faith, please… don't make this harder than it already is. I don't know if I can try. I don't know… and I can't hurt you again, not again. Please, don't ask me to." Willow looks at the floor, not able to meet Faith's gaze. " how can you even stand to be near me? I let you down so badly, I let you take all the blame. How can …" she shakes her head "… please, just go."

" Not until you say it."

" Say what, Faith? What do you want me to say?" Willow is nearly pleading with her.

" Look at me, look me in the eye, and tell me you don't love me."

" I don't. I don't love you," Willow says, looking at the floor.

" NO! In the eye. Look me in the eyes and say it." Faith reaches out, grabs Willow's chin, and pulls her head up.

" Ow! Dammit… ok…I don't…. I don't… oh shit…" Willow starts to cry. " not now, I don't want to cry now." But the tears won't listen to her.

" Tell me"

" Let go of me, dammit. Goddamn you Faith, let go of me!" Willow struggles to loosen Faith's grip, but Faith won't let go. " Ok, ok, DAMMIT I LOVE YOU HAPPY NOW?" She shoves Faith hard, and slams the door on her.

Faith hears Willow slide down the door, her muffled sobs coming through the door. She crouches down, leaning against the door.

" I love you too, Red. I don't want to. I try not to. I try to get you out of my mind, my thoughts. But I can't do it. I haven't been able to do it." Faith rubs her hand against the door, as if trying to touch Willow through the wood. " My heart won't let go of you. I'm sorry."

Faith hears Willow through the door. Her sobs are keening, as if her very breath were burning her, as if her heart were breaking into pieces. Faith feels her own eyes tearing up, her tears starting to fall.

" I… I … can't love…you… like I… want to… love you, Faith…I'm sooo … scared… I …it …hurts so much…"

Faith tries to control herself, keep herself calm. It almost works.

" Please, baby, please… just open the door… just let me in." Faith's voice betrays her, cracking at the end.

" Don't… pleeeaaaseee don't do this, Faith. Just go, please."

" I won't hurt you, baby," Faith nearly whispers it at the door, " just let me in."

Faith nearly falls into the room when the door opens. Like Faith, Willow is kneeling by the door, her face wet with tears.

" You will, I know you will. You'll hurt me. You'll leave me, just like Tara left me. You'll go, and I'll be alone… all alone… all alone…"

Faith pulls her into her arms, laying Willow's head on her chest. She holds her, gently stroking her hair.

" Shhh, shhh… it's ok, I'm here, I'm here" Faith softly croons to her, holding the broken woman in her arms.

From the shadows, Buffy bites her lip to keep from crying. She watches as Faith holds Willow, soothing her. She feels the tears flowing down her face, a combination of sad and happy tears.

- And so, once again, Buffy rides to the rescue,- she thinks to herself. Quietly, she turns to the stairs, to leave them the privacy they need. Useless again, huh, Buffy? You really were needed here, weren't you?- She reaches the stairs, and sees Kira and Giles in serious conversation. She's never felt more isolated in her life.- I need a drink. No, I need lots of drinks.-

She starts downstairs, each step seeming to sink her deeper and deeper in her funk. She hits ground level, and Giles and Kira look at her, expectantly.

" What're you looking at me for? I mean, it's Kira that's on top of it. You were right, Kira. Good job, really good job" Buffy tries to hide the bitter tone in her voice, " Great you could figure out my best friend better than me. Really great, Kira. Yeah, great." She shrugs," Well, another happy ending, huh? Me? I'm outta here!" Buffy starts to walk toward the lobby entrance.

" What happened?" Kira calls out.

" They're upstairs making nice, don't ya know?" Buffy says over her shoulder.

" Where you going?" Giles asks, worried about Buffy's attitude.

" Out!"

" Where?" Kira puts in.

" Anywhere but here!"

Before anymore questions can be put to her, Buffy's out the door.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A while later, Faith and Willow walk downstairs. They're not arm in arm, or anything. Nothing seems changed, except they're walking side by side, and their fingers, while not interlaced, touch now and then, as if they need the contact to face what's coming. They're not all smiles and giggles and puppies, but the black clouds seem to have at least for now receded.

" So, what does this mean?" Kira asks, quickly smiling.

" It doesn't 'mean' anything, Kira, " Faith says. She sees Kira's disappointment. " It means, for now, we're going to stop hurting each other. Too soon for anything else, Kira."

"Good, well, that's good, right?" Kira says, not regaining her smile, " I mean, that's a start, right?"

" Yeah, " Faith says, her tone suspicious. She looks at Kira, then Giles. Her brow furrows. " Ok, why the grimmage?"

" Nothing, nothing, " Giles puts in, quickly. Too quickly.

" Uh-huh, and I just fell off that beet truck last week. What's the what?"

Willow looks around the lobby. " Where's Buffy?"

Kira and Giles look at each other, then face forward, tight lipped.

" Buffy," Faith's face becomes grim, also. And tight lipped.

" She's out… she went out, " Kira says, trying to cover. Just a beat or so too late.

" What happened?" Faith's voice is low and calm, belying the churning she feels in her tummy.

" Nothing… really, nothing, " Kira says, " She was upstairs, then she came down, and went out."

" Upstairs?" Willow says, surprised. She looks at Faith, who shrugs. " We didn't see her up there."

" She went up all full of fire and stuff, right after…" Kira turns away, blushing.

" After?" Faith queries, beginning really not to like this.

" After Kira's tussle with Willow… after she learned about it, anyway" Giles puts in.

" But she… we… I don't get it. Why didn't we…?" Willow looks confused.

" She must've hid back in the shadows, watching," Faith figures it out. Despite herself, her mouth struggles with a grin, " She must've been rushing up to protect you from the big bad me, Red."

" Then she saw what happened…" Willow starts.

" And realized she was … not needed, " Kira finishes.

Faith sighs loudly. " Not good."

" Where'd she go?" Willow asks.

" She wouldn't say, " Giles replies, " but she didn't sound like herself."

" What did she say, exactly?" Willow asks.

" Just that she said you two were making nice, and that she was going out, " Kira replies.

" No, exactly… what did she say?" Willow repeats.

" She said something weird…what was it Giles? Oh… yeah… anywhere but here."

Willow frowns.

"What?" Faith asks, seeing Willow's expression.

" Back in Sunnydale, when thing's got bad, we used to play a game called " Anywhere but here." We'd pretend we were somewhere else, our dream place, with our dream person. It helped take the edge off, sometimes, let us blow off steam without actually…" Willow pauses, " … but somehow, I don't think she's going to play that game. I think she's going somewhere to blow off some steam."

" That's good, though, right?" Kira says, hopefully, " I mean, she'll blow off some steam, come back feeling better?"

" Ever see a slayer blow off steam?" Faith asks, knowing the answer, " It might not be pretty."

" Any ideas where she might go?" Willow asks, " Maybe I should do a locator spell." She starts towards the stairs to get supplies.

" I think I might know." Kira says, grabbing her purse. " I'll get her." She exchanges a look with Faith.

" Uh, excuse me? You figure you can handle Buffy?" Faith looks at her friend with doubtfully. " I'll get her."

" No," Kira stops Faith by grabbing her arm. " I made the mess, I'll clean it up. Anyway, don't you have other things to … take care of?" She nods significantly in Willow's general direction.

" Kira, there's no way you can handle Buffy alone, " Faith says, shaking her off.

" She hasn't been gone that long. She can't be that… I'll scout her out, talk to her." She reaches in her phone, producing her cell. " If I can't handle it, I'll call you, ok?"

" I'll go with her," Giles says, moving around the desk.

" No!" All three chime in at once.

Giles looks hurt. Willow goes to him, patting his arm. " Trust me Giles, it…it'll go better if you're not there, ok?"

" Kira, stay here with Willow, I won't be long." Faith starts towards the lobby exit, but Kira runs and blocks her.

" Please, Faith. Please. Let me do this, ok?" She's almost pleading with Faith. " I promise, I won't mess it up."

" Kira, you can't…" she sees the look in Kira's eyes.- Damn- . She looks at the other two, who are shaking their heads ' No, no, don't do this.' But Kira is a friend, and … she relents." Ok, but any trouble… ANY trouble, and you call me… got it?" Kira nods, and slips out quickly before Faith can come to her senses.

" Faith, what're you doing?" Giles demands, " Kira isn't equipped to handle Buffy is she's… belligerent."

" Faith?" Willow looks questioningly at Faith.

" I … had to let her try." Faith says, " I know that look she had. " Faith walks back towards the reception desk.

" What look, Faith?" Giles asks

" The look saying I need to fix this, to make amends."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Kira notices two things as she approaches the club.

It's loud. And it's busy. There's a line at the door, a bouncer with a rope keeping them out until there's room inside. She quickly scans the line, and seeing that Buffy isn't in it, she makes her way towards the bouncer.