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Both Sides Now	By : addielogan Category: BtVS AU/AR > Het - Male/Female Views: 6137 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 18
- 19
- 20
"Dawn? Can I
come in?"
Dawn sighed when
she heard Andrew at her bedroom door and debated whether or not she should let
him in. She was furious with him for his deception, as well as brokenhearted
that he'd do this to her. She was torn between ignoring him and yelling at him,
but the yelling won out and she stormed from her bed to the door and flung it
open, her anger clear on her face. "What do you want?" she snapped.
Andrew had no clue
why she'd be so furious with him and looked at her with surprise. "Dawn?
What�"
"Don't play
dumb," Dawn said. She ushered him into the bedroom and shut the door,
wanting to be able to talk to him privately. "How could you do this to me,
Andrew?"
"Do what?
Dawn, I really don't know why you're mad at me�"
Dawn took a deep
breath, her body trembling. "Spike. You knew. You
knew."
So that was what
this was about� Andrew looked down, not knowing what to say. "I'm sorry,
Dawn."
"You're
sorry? That's it? You lied to me about�about something like this, and
you're just sorry?"
"Really
sorry?" Andrew looked up. "What do you want me to say? I know I screwed
up."
"Oh
yeah.
You did. Big time." A flicker of hurt went across
Dawn's face. "You said you loved me�"
"And I
do!" Andrew insisted. "I love you so much, Dawn."
"Then how
could you do this to me! How could you keep something like this a secret,
knowing how much it was hurting me to think he was dead? How could you!?"
Dawn was bordering on hysterical now, and Andrew took a step back from her.
"I don't
know! Spike told me in L.A. that he didn't want Buffy to know, and�"
"I'm not Buffy," Dawn said, her voice almost a growl.
"I know! But
if you knew, then Buffy would know, so I kept quiet about it. And then you and
I got together, and I didn't know how to handle the whole thing."
"So you lied
to me? Really not the way to do it, Andrew," Dawn snapped.
"I know! And
I knew at the time, I just�"
"You
just what? Thought it would be fun to screw with me like that?"
"No! God, no,
Dawn, it was never anything like that! Please, I'm sorry. I'm so, so
sorry�"
"I
can't�" Dawn held up her hand. "I can't even look at you right
now."
Andrew's head went
down again. "Oh." He paused for a moment. "I'll�I'll leave
then."
"Good.
Go."
Andrew gave her
one last look before he walked out of the bedroom. As soon as the door shut,
Dawn threw herself back on her bed and sobbed.

*** *** ***
Buffy stood when
she heard yelling in Dawn's room, but Spike grabbed her hand and stopped her
from going in. She looked at him in confusion, and he shook his head.
"Lovers'
quarrel, pet. Best if we keep out."
Buffy's brow wrinkled
in confusion. "Lovers' quarrel? What are you
talking about? That would make Dawn and Andrew�" At Spike slow nod, Buffy
paled. "Oh god. Please tell me you're
joking."
"'Fraid not,
kitten."
Buffy sat down on
the couch. "I can never leave her alone again. Ever."
Spike put his arm
around her. "Could be worse."
"I'm failing
to see how," Buffy replied, looking over at him.
"He could
still be trying to be evil."
Buffy sighed.
"Okay, fine. It could be worse."
It wasn't long
until Andrew emerged from the bedroom, his head hanging. He stopped by the
couch and looked at Buffy and Spike for a moment. "Congratulations on your
engagement. And�I'm sorry. For� I'm just sorry."
He walked past them and out of the apartment, shutting the door behind him.
Buffy and Spike looked
at each other for a moment before Buffy stood. "I should go talk to
her."
Spike nodded. "Yeah. Go on."
Buffy took a deep
breath and went to Dawn's door. "Dawnie?" she called as she knocked. When
the only response she got was the soft sound of tears, Buffy sighed and walked
in. She frowned at the sight of Dawn, stretched out on her stomach on the bed,
sobbing into her pillow.
"Sweetie? Can I get you
anything?"
"A boyfriend
who isn't an ass," Dawn replied, her voice muffled by the pillow.
"Hey, if I
could find those, I'd be a miracle worker," Buffy said. She went over to
the bed and sat beside Dawn, rubbing her back softly. "Wanna tell me what
happened?"
Dawn sat up, her
eyes red and puffy. "Andrew knew about Spike. Since he
went to L.A., apparently. Spike told him not to say anything to you for
some crazy Spike reason, I guess, so he didn't�and he didn't tell me either.
Even after you went to L.A. where you were bound to see Spike, and after he sat
there and watched me cry because I was missing him! How could he do that to
me?"
Buffy wished she
had a real answer to give her sister. Instead, all she could offer was,
"Because men are complete and total boneheads?"
Dawn snorted.
"I knew that." Her face crumbled as her tears started anew. "It
hurts so much."
Buffy wrapped her
arms around her little sister and pulled her in for a hug. "I know."
"I feel so
betrayed," Dawn said softly. "He�he told me he loved me. And�and
we�"
Buffy was grateful
Dawn didn't finish that sentence so she could fill it in her own way. With
something like "and we took a nice stroll through the park." Because strolls through the park, Buffy could handle.
"Guys do stupid things even when they love us. I mean, Spike, total
moron. But he loves me."
Dawn chuckled a
little at that. "I guess. I just�did Andrew leave?"
Buffy nodded. "Yeah. But he didn't take anything with him, so I
assume he'll be back."
Dawn sighed.
"I think I need some space right now anyway. To sort out all this big mess
of feelings inside me right now."
"Space is
good," Buffy said. "It helps. Talk to him again when you've calmed
down, and I bet you two will work it out." Buffy tried to ignore the fact
that she'd just told her sister to try to work things out with Andrew Wells.
She still hadn't wrapped her head around that at all.
"I'm
tired," Dawn said as she pulled away from Buffy. "Would you mind if I
just maybe slept for a bit?"
"No,
not at all. Let Spike or me know if you need anything, okay? We'll be out in the
living room."
Dawn nodded.
"Thanks, Buffy. And I'm sorry to be doing this now, with Spike back and
everything. Really bad timing on my part, I know."
"It's fine, Dawn. Really."
Buffy kissed dawn's forehead. "I love you."
"I love you,
too," Dawn replied with a small smile.
Buffy got off the
bed and Dawn lay back down, curling up as her tears continued to flow.

*** *** ***
Dawn had a hard
time falling asleep after Buffy left, but when she finally did, she slept
through the rest of the night and the next morning. It was well into the
afternoon before she finally got out of bed, and she was happy to notice that
sleeping had made her feel better.
She was still
hurt, and she still wanted to smack Andrew repeatedly upside the head, but she
was over the initial shock. With a little more time and some groveling on his
part, she was sure she could forgive him.
Even after this,
she couldn't deny that she loved him. The fact that he'd lied to her, had kept
something this important from her when she'd thought they were being open with
each other hurt her deeply. But the thought of going on without him now, after
all that they'd shared�that hurt more. A lot more.
Dawn went out into
the living room and immediately noticed that something was wrong. And then it
hit her. There was no pile of DVD's by the television, no handheld video game
system on the coffee table, no trunk of clothes stashed behind the couch.
Andrew's things�they were all gone.
"He came and
got them this morning. Said it was best not to wake
you."
Dawn turned at the
sound of Spike's voice. "He�he left? Really left? But�" The
tears she thought had dried up the night before were back again.
"He said he
was going to London," Spike replied. "Back to
Slayer Central."
Dawn let out a
breath of relief. "Oh. Then we'll see him when we go, I guess."
Spike nodded. "Yeah. You all right, bit?"
"More or
less," Dawn replied. She shrugged. "Maybe a little time apart like
this will be good."
"It can
be," Spike said. He cleared his throat. "I'm sorry. For my part in this. I�I could hear what the two of you were
fighting about in there, and I'm sorry. If I'd known it would lead to something
like this�" Spike paused for a moment and ran his hand through his hair.
"Keeping the fact I was back from you and your sister was a really bad
thing for me to do, all the way around. I keep regretting it more and
more."
"Yeah, it
was," Dawn replied. "But I'm so damn happy that you're not dead, I'm
forgiving you."
Spike gave her a
half smile. "I'm glad for that. I thought I'd lost you for good back in
Sunnydale."
"You
didn't." Dawn walked over to him and took his hand. "You're family,
you know. And with family, no matter how much you want to strangle them
sometimes, they're still family. And I love you, Spike."
Spike glanced down
at their hands for a moment before he looked back up at her face and smiled,
"Love you, too, platelet."
"I know you
do." Dawn wrapped her arms around him and held him close. "I'm sorry
I didn't do this sooner. I should have, back in Sunnydale. I was just
hurt."
"You had
every reason to be," Spike said. "After what I did to Buffy�" He
winced, the pain of that memory still raw, no matter how hard he tried to move
past it.
"No,"
Dawn said, shaking her head against him. "It wasn't just that. It was part
of it, yeah, but�" She swallowed. "I felt� I felt like you abandoned
me."
Spike pulled back
from her and looked into her eyes. "Abandoned you? When I left to get the
soul?"
"No,
not then." She sighed. "It was before. When Buffy came back.
All summer, you'd been focused on me. You were around all the time, protecting
me, hanging out with me. And then Buffy came back, and
you weren't around anymore. I felt�ditched."
Guilt was heavy on
Spike's face. "Dawn�I never meant� I'm sorry you felt that way, sorry I made you feel that way. I just got so caught up
in things� But it's not an excuse. You're right�I did stop paying the sort of attention
to you I should've been, and I was wrong to do that."
"I know why
you did," Dawn said. "Buffy told me about that year, the things that
were going on, and well, I think she needed you more than I did�even if she was
being all stubborn." She smiled slightly. "Let's just let it be the past, okay? New life for you, new start for us. Deal?"
Spike smiled back.
"Deal," he replied with obvious relief.
"Good, then
it's all settled. Where'd Buffy go?"
"She went to
get something to eat," Spike said. "She should be home soon."
"Great, cause
I'm starved," Dawn said. "Wanna watch television with me while we
wait for her?"
"Yeah,"
Spike replied. "I'd like that."

*** *** ***
Andrew had barely
slept since he'd left Rome. Every time he tried, he'd roll over onto the empty
space in his bed and it would wake him up again, reminding him all too clearly
that Dawn wasn't there with him anymore.
He'd known from
the beginning this was going to happen. How could it not? Dawn was like a
goddess, and he was nothing. He wasn't even worthy to be in her presence, never
mind actually touch her. Granted, he hadn't thought it would happen quite as
quickly as it had, but he certainly couldn't say he was surprised. This was the
way a relationship like theirs was destined to end�with her realizing that he
wasn't worth keeping around after all.
But that didn't
mean it didn't hurt. He couldn't stop thinking about the last words they'd
shared.
She couldn't stand to look at him�
Another weight
hung heavy on his conscience, and Andrew hated himself even more than he had
before. He ruined everything he touched, brought nothing but pain to everyone
he knew. He should've stayed away from Dawn, shouldn't have even gone to Rome.
He'd been weak, not willing to put what was best for her before what he wanted.
And because of it, he'd taken something from her that he could never give back
and he'd broken her heart.
And still, he
longed for her. If she were to walk through his door right then and tell him
she wanted him again, he'd be back in her arms in an instant, despite knowing
that all he'd ever be capable of was causing her more pain.
All he ever did was hurt people�
His own heart was breaking,
but he didn't resent the pain. He deserved it. Every bit of aching the universe
could throw on him, he deserved. He was nothing but a worthless screw up.
His one
consolation was that maybe now with him gone, Dawn could find someone worthy of
her love, someone who could make her forget all about
him. She'd find someone who was handsome and good, someone who was everything
he wasn't. He could spend his life miserable and alone, but she should be
happy. He prayed that without him there to mess everything up, she'd find that.
Knowing sleep
wasn't going to come, Andrew lay alone in the bed and
stared up at the ceiling, waiting for the sun to rise.

*** *** ***
- 18
- 19
- 20
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