ONE NORMAL LIFE / TWO EXTRAORDINARY LIVES

CHAPTER 190 – DON’T LEAVE

8:30PM

William felt the warmth go out of the room before he even saw that she was gone. In every fiber of his being he sensed it. Slowly he turned around, his eyes anxiously scanning over the crowd to verify what he already knew.

He should've felt a sense of relief; after all, his Plan B to alienate Elizabeth and send her packing had been a success; she wouldn't be in harm's way. Instead, as he stood there in the midst of the happy partygoers, he'd never felt so utterly alone. Suddenly, his facade cracked. He just couldn’t go through with it; couldn’t let her go, not like this. Not with her thinking...

Willow was just about to go downstairs to give William a piece of her mind, when he burst through the stairwell doors.

“Where is she?” he asked, skidding to a stop in front of her.

“Oh good, you’re here,” Willow said, ignoring his question. “I was just coming to find you to let you know that your cruel, juvenile prank worked.”

William winced. “I didn’t mean to...”

“You didn’t mean to what? You didn’t mean to trample Buffy’s feelings, or you didn’t mean to treat her like she was nothing to you, ever since she arrived?”

“I didn’t ask her to come,” William protested feebly.

“Well, then it won’t bother you that she’s gone.” Willow said, turning to walk away. “By the way, nobody asked her to come if that’s what you’re thinking; she figured it out on her own.”

“Gone? Where?” William asked, his throat dry.

“Why should I tell you?” Willow said, without looking back. “You obviously didn’t care enough...”

William ran around to head her off. “Please, Willow,” he said, his eyes imploring her, “tell me where she went.”

Willow studied him for a moment, then nodded towards the door. “She just went to the car to get her luggage. She’s going to try to catch a taxi to a motel or the airport.”

Without another word, he bolted out the door.

“Hope you’re not too late,” Willow said softly.

~~~~~~~

After getting her luggage out of Willow’s car, Buffy looked up and down the street, considering her options. Deciding it might be easier to hail a cab from the busier intersection a block away, she started towards the corner.

William ran down the walkway, anxiously scanning the street until he spotted her.

“Elizabeth! Wait! Elizabeth!”

Buffy hesitated a moment as she heard him calling, but kept walking. He quickly caught up to her.

“Elizabeth, wait!” William said, grabbing her arm.

“What do you want?” she demanded, pulling her arm free as she spun around to face him.

“Elizabeth...I...”

She waited.

“Where are you going?” he stammered.

“Away from here, that’s for sure! I should’ve never come.”

“Don’t...” he said, plaintively.

“Don’t what?”

William could only stare at Elizabeth, his head refusing to give voice to what his heart felt.

“You can’t even say it, can you? It’s clear you don’t want me here; that’s fine, I got the message. You don’t have to feel guilty about it. Go back to the party and your....”Buffy laughed suddenly, the full irony of the situation hitting her. “God, I’m so stupid!”

“What are you talking about?” William said.

“Slayers, what else? First, with Spike, and now you. It’s always been about having a thing for the slayer! Hell, now you’ve got a world of them to pick and choose from.”

After a moment’s confusion, his eyes grew wide, as the double meaning became clear.

“It’s not...I don’t...” he stammered, desperate now to deny the very thing he’d been trying to convince her of all night.

“Please, William, for God’s sakes, let’s not beat a dead horse. I can’t take that; not from you.”

Frozen, he stood watching as she turned and walked down the street away from him. A taxi came by and she flagged it down. It wasn’t until the cab started to pull away, that William suddenly felt the veil of uncertainty and lassitude lifting. Simultaneously, his soul, heart, body, and brain were spurred into action.

“Miss? Not any of my business, but...” the cabdriver said as he turned the rearview mirror for her to see. She took a quick glance, then turned around in her seat to see William, waving his arms and yelling as he ran after the taxi.

“Shall I keep driving?”

“No. Stop the cab,” Buffy said softly.

Buffy bridged the distance the last couple of feet, stopping only when they were mere inches apart. This time their eyes met each other's in a place of hope and forgiveness.

“Elizabeth...don’t leave! Please,” William said, as he reached out to cup her face in his hands.

Buffy sighed softly at his touch, and he closed the final gap, pulling her into his arms. The kiss was deep; full of both their sorrow and yearning.

“Don’t leave,” he kept murmuring into her mouth.

“I won’t leave. I'm here. I won't leave,” she whispered to him, again and again, her own tears now flowing. The kiss broke off and he clung to her, trembling. Like the fear she'd sensed in him earlier at Giles’, Buffy didn't understand why, but for now, she stroked his back and tried to sooth him with her hands and her words.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~


After waiting a discreet amount of time, the cabdriver rolled down his window.
“Is there someplace you’d like me to take you?”

Slowly, they released each other. Buffy was about to answer, when she saw William suddenly staring at her, his eyes wide.

“What is it?” Buffy asked, alarmed. “What’s wrong?”

“Blood...there’s blood,” he whispered, pointing to the right side of her face.

She lifted her hand to her face and felt it. Nothing felt wrong, but, indeed, her hand came away with blood on it.

Puzzled, Buffy reached out and gently took hold of his left hand and turned it over, palm side up. It was covered in cuts. William let out an audible sigh of relief.

“What happened?”

“A glass broke,” he answered, looking down.

Her thumbs gently traced the wounds on his hand. “It’s okay. We’ll take care of it at Giles’ place, alright?”

“I got blood on you, on your jacket, too. I’m sorry,” William said.

Her instinct was to quip that it wasn’t the first time, but she quickly thought better of it. He was too fragile at the moment to appreciate her bad humor.

“It’s alright. I can get it out. Expert, here.”

He only nodded, not looking at her. Gently, she released his hand.

“You ready?” Buffy asked, motioning to the cab.

In response, William opened the door for her, and followed her into the back seat. After giving the address to the driver, they settled back in the seat. Firmly, Buffy entwined her warm hands with his, grounding him; quieting a fractured conscience that would argue that he’d only put her at risk by going after her.

She held on, not letting go until they arrived.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

9:00PM
GREENICH
GILE’S BATHROOM

“There, how’s that?” Buffy asked, as she sat back on her feet, surveying her handiwork. Buffy had taken charge as soon as they’d arrived back at Giles’, insisting that they take care of his injured hand. She’d made him sit on the edge of the tub, as she knelt on the floor between his legs; picking out the splinters of glass, disinfecting the wounds, then rolling a long piece of sterile gauze around his hand. It had given them both a focus, other than the still-strained atmosphere between them.

“Better; much better. Thank you,” William said softly, only briefly looking into her eyes before looking back down at his hand again.

She started to reach out to him, then demurred. Despite the fact that William had come after her, Buffy sensed that she couldn’t push him too far, or too fast.

“William?”

“Elizabeth...I don’t know where to start.”

“I was going to suggest you start with an old English tradition.”

He looked up at her, questioningly.

“By offering me some tea,” she said, grinning.

“Oh. Of course,” William said, rising. Offering her his hand, he pulled her up off the floor. They stood facing each other, in the small space between the tub and sink, neither willing to break the moment. Stirred by the close proximity of her body, he unconsciously licked his lips, as his eyes wandered down to sudden rise and fall of her breasts.

The definite rise in temperature had certainly not gone unnoticed by Buffy. Mesmerized, she watched him as he stared at her with undisguised hunger. Her lips parted and she felt her breath hitch, as the longing to touch him increased.

Then, as abruptly as it had occurred, the moment ended with William seemingly shaking himself out of his reverie. Any embarrassment they might have been feeling was cut short by the house phone ringing. He motioned to her to follow him, as he went downstairs.

“I’ll be right there,” he said, motioning towards the kitchen, as he went into Giles’ study to answer the call. A few minutes later he joined her in the kitchen.

“That was Giles. I didn’t get to the phone on time, but his number was on the Caller ID.”

“Checking up on us?”

“Presumably,” William answered, a small, wry grin flickering across his face.

“Don’t you think you should call him back and let him know we’re here?”

“In a few minutes,” William said, as he poured the water into the teakettle and placed it on the stove. He got out two teacups and saucers, and placed an assortment of teas down in front of her. She chose one, and he put it into a tea strainer, placing it in her teacup; then did the same for himself. The kettle whistled. He brought it over to the table and poured, sitting down across from her.

As they waited for the tea to cool, her fingers drifted across the island to touch his.

“How is it...being back in England?”

“Strange,” William began. “So many things over here are so old that they look exactly the same; yet, everything around them is completely different from what I remember. It’s been...disconcerting. Over there, in California and Julian, I didn’t have the other memories of it being different, so it didn’t contradict what I could recall; at least, not visually. Here...”

“It’s all different,” Buffy concurred.

“Yeah,” he said softly. “Feel like stranger in a strange land. Think I saw a book by that title when I worked at the Julian Library. I was going to give it a look, but never got around to it. Do you remember who wrote it?”

“No, sorry. I’m not familiar with it.”

“It’s okay. Got my own story, don’t I?” William asked, taking a sip of his tea.

Buffy nodded, placing her hand over his. Concentrating on her own tea, she went over the various ways in which she might get him to open up. She was about to ask him what had happened to him last weekend, when she saw that his eyes had closed; his head starting to nod. Unabashedly, she stared at him; her heart going out to him. He looked so very, very tired.

Just then the front door opened. William startled, causing some of his tea to slosh onto the counter.

“Anybody home?” Giles called.

“We’re in here,” Buffy called.

Willow and Giles walked into the kitchen, a look of relief written on both their faces.

“I called a while ago. Did you just get in?” Giles asked.

“We were upstairs. I guess we didn’t hear it,” Buffy answered, nudging William’s leg with her knee.

William nodded.

Giles looked from Buffy to William, then down to his bandaged hand.

“But the important thing is that they’re both here and both alright, right?” Willow said brightly.

“Um...yes, of course,” Giles said quickly.

The room fell into an awkward silence, until Willow seized the moment.

“Wow, I didn’t realize how sleepy I was,” she said with an exaggerated yawn.

“Ah...yes, it is getting rather late, isn’t it?” Giles asked, although, truly, it wasn’t. The party had taken place early, so that the girls would have all of tomorrow to travel if going home, or to otherwise attend to what they wished.

“Shall I show you to your room then, Willow?”

“That would be great, Giles.”

“Well, good-night then,” he said, nodding to William and Buffy, while discreetly leaving the question which bedroom she would sleep in, unmentioned.

“Good-night, Giles; good-night, Willow. I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”

“Before I forget, Buffy, Mrs. Grieves serves breakfast between seven and seven-thirty, should you be up that early. If not, it will be in the warmer, as William can attest,” Giles said, dryly.

“Oh, okay. Thanks,” Buffy said, then whispered to William, “Who’s Mrs. Grieves?”

“The housekeeper,” he said, rolling his eyes.

“Oh...”

“Do you want another cup?” William asked a few minutes later.

“No, I’m good; but if you do, I could make it for you...”

William shook his head. Silence fell over them once more, until finally he cleared his throat.

“Elizabeth,” he began, “I know there's a lot you want to ask me; a lot to talk about, but I...I don’t think I can do that tonight. I just want to...go to bed; to sleep.”

“That’s okay, it’s been a long day. Um...you want to show me where to go? Giles said there was a couple of extra bedrooms on the second floor.”

William nodded.

She followed him up the stairs; he insisted on carrying her suitcase. Willow was just coming out of the bathroom as they came up on the landing.

“Oh, hey guys. You on your way to bed, too?” Willow asked.

“Yeah we are, Willow. It’s been a really long day. Can you tell me which room you’re in?”

“That one,” Willow said, pointing to the end of the hall.

“So, which one...?” Buffy asked, looking at William.

He picked up the suitcase and put it down in front of the other spare bedroom, next door to Giles’.

“Oh...Well, good-night again,” Willow said, making a hasty retreat.

Buffy opened the door, and reached in feel for the light switch.

“Guess this is my stop,” Buffy said, opening the door. William reached around her to feel for the light switch, flipping it on for her, then set her suitcase inside the doorway.

She gave the room a cursory glance, and nodded.

“Well...good-night, Elizabeth,“ he said softly, but made no move to leave.

Good-night, William,” Buffy answered, waiting.

He leaned in towards her, and she closed her eyes, but she needn’t have. The kiss was chastely placed on the top of her head.

“Good-night,” William said again, this time quickly retreating down the hall.

“Night,” Buffy said with a sigh, closing the door.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

DECEMBER 24, 2009
WEDNESDAY
MIDNIGHT

Buffy would’ve thought that having been awake for over twenty-four hours, flying across time zones, and an emotionally fraught reunion with William would’ve made falling asleep an easy task.

Hardly.

For over two hours she tossed and turned, her mind refusing to let her body put claim to the rest it needed. During the first hour, she’d heard his footsteps upstairs, restlessly pacing the boards. Now, those too had quieted and for his sake, she hoped he’d been able to find the sleep that eluded her.

“This is ridiculous,” she said, sitting up and swinging her legs over the edge of the bed, and turned on the small lamp near the bed and glanced around.

The room was a decent size, about the same as hers in Julian. The walls were painted a deep, golden yellow, which set off the dark, but delicate looking Victorian furniture. Actually, besides the bed, table next to it, and dresser, the room didn’t seem to be quite able to make up its mind as to which century it wanted to represent. Stuck in a nook where the wall recessed, there was a strangely, out-of-place chrome and wood-veneer desk, ala 1950’s. Covering most of the hardwood floor, was a newer looking, pretty Oriental rug in browns, golds, and reds. However, it was overshadowed by two overstuffed and broken-in looking chairs, covered with what can only be described as some sort of orange and blue flocked material, pattered to resemble a quilt. Looking at it, Buffy couldn’t help but wonder exactly what and how many drugs Giles may have done in his youth.

Deciding that perhaps a glass of warm milk was in order, she got up and rummaged through her still-packed suitcase, until she found her robe. Buffy opened the bedroom door, then abruptly stopped, stifling a gasp. There stood William, half-slumping, half-leaning against the opposite wall, as though...It dawned on her that when she’d stopped hearing his footsteps up above, it was probably because he’d been standing here all this time instead; waiting for her.

“Couldn’t sleep, either, huh?”

He snorted softly. He wasn’t even sure he knew the meaning of the term anymore.

Without another word, Buffy stepped into the hall and held out her hand to him. William looked down at it, then up into her eyes; she nodded. Reaching out, he took hold of it and allowed himself to be drawn over the threshold and into her room.

“Would you like to sit?” Buffy asked.

Tentatively, he sat down in one of the overstuffed chairs. She sat down in the one next to him and waited for him to initiate the conversation.

“How did you find out I was here?” William finally asked.

“I recognized Giles’ number on your part of phone bill. I just put two and two together. After that, I sort of cajoled Clem into spilling. Just so you know, he never volunteered the information, and he hopes you’re not angry with him.”

William shook his head.

“How’s Dawn?”

“She’s good. She’s spending the holiday with John and his parents up north.

“And everyone else?”

“Well, let’s see. Clem is spending Christmas Eve at Edna’s, then going to his cousin’s in San Diego. Edna is doing well. She always talks about you; you know how she is. I meant to call Xander before I left, and it totally slipped my mind, but got a Christmas card from them. Little Ann and Alex look bigger in the photograph they sent; it’s cute, they’re on Santa’s lap. Oh, and Alex sent you a new drawing. Angela said he insisted, made her have to redo the envelope and everything.”

“He did?” William asked, remembering the little tyke fondly.

“Now I need to ask you something,” Buffy said, taking a deep breath before the plunge. “Before you left, you said that you needed to do this on your own; it was ‘what you had to do as a man’ you told me. I understood that. At least I tried to; that after what you’d been through and all that...I also believed that you weren’t just running away from your problems, but you were trying to deal with them this time.”

“I was,” William said, quietly.

Buffy continued. “The only thing that made your leaving bearable, was that you swore to me that your leaving wasn’t about you trying to push me out of your life or not wanting us to be together. I believed you; you’ve never lied to me. So, what I want to know is this; is that still true?”

William looked at her, but didn’t answer right away and Buffy felt her heart breaking just a little bit more than it already had been. She didn’t understand the mixed messages she kept receiving from him. All night long he’d acted as though he didn’t want her there, but he’d come after her. Yet, here they were again at an impasse.

“Talk to me, William. Why can’t you tell me what’s going on in your head? There’s got to be a reason. I just want to...”

“Forty-three thousand, eight hundred,” William blurted out.

“What?”

“Reasons, Elizabeth. Forty-three thousand, eight hundred reasons.”

“I don’t understand.”

William abruptly stood up and started to pace.

“It’s quite simple, really. Three hundred sixty-five times one hundred and twenty years, equals forty-three thousand, eight hundred. If there was only one victim a night, that’s how many people I killed. Give or take a thousand here or there,” he said, with bitter laugh.

“William, this is insane,” Buffy said, standing up and going to him. “You can’t be held responsible for what you did when you were Spike! You were a vampire; it’s what vampires do! It wasn’t you...”

“Wasn’t it, though? Didn’t you say you still saw me inside of Spike? That means it was me, too.”

Buffy took a deep breath before continuing, “No, I mean yes, I saw glimpses of you when you were still Spike, but mostly that happened after you got your soul back.”

“Mostly...”

“Yes, mostly. I won’t lie to you and tell you that I didn’t see the man that you had been inside of Spike from time to time. Even before the soul, Spike helped me. He fought with me, stood up to Glory in order to save Dawn, and protected her even after I died.”

“Had a government implanted chip then, right?”

“Yeah, Spike had a chip, but that only prevented him from hurting people. It didn’t make him help.”

“You contradict yourself then.”

“I know,” Buffy said, running her hands through her hair. “It’s confusing. It’s always been confusing when it comes to you! You weren’t like any other vampire I’d ever met!”

He let out a small laugh.

“Or man,” she amended quickly, touching him on the arm. ”You’re not like any other man I’ve ever met, either.”

Looking at her, as she stared expectantly into his eyes, there was nothing more that William wanted than to take her into his arms, and lose himself in hers, but he couldn’t. Reluctantly, he took a step backwards.

“Do you know what forty-thousand people looks like?”

Buffy shook her head.

“I do. I saw them.”

“Saw them? “ Buffy echoed.

Then it dawned on her.

“It was at the game, wasn’t it? You saw all those people, and you left.”

William nodded. “Giles told you about that?”

“Just that you’d disappeared during the game, that he was worried and had everyone searching for you. You turned up drunk, passed out, and didn’t remember much the next day.”

“Yeah...”

“Not that he actually bought the claustrophobia excuse.”

William paced back and forth, finally sitting down on the side of the bed.

“I couldn’t tell him that seeing all those people -- men, women, children; all I could think about was all the lives I’d destroyed. Not just the ones I’d killed, but the ones they left behind, and all the future generations of those people who were never born, because they no longer existed. It could be millions...millions.”

Buffy came up and stood in front of him. She could see his knuckles turning white as he gripped his hands together; his shoulders starting to quake as the emotions overtook him.

“It’s okay...”

“It’s not! How can you say that? How can you...” he couldn’t finish, as he convulsed into heart wrenching sobs that he’d tried to hold back from her seeing.

In a flash, she had her arms around him. William only resisted for a moment, then pulled her to him, clinging to her, as he sobbed into her breasts. Soon, her own tears came, mingling with his – in both sorrow and relief. In all the time since they’d had their world tipped onto its side, they had never cried together, only apart.

Somewhere outside of his own misery, he could feel hers as she told him she was sorry. As acute as his own, her anguish wend its way into his heart; breaking it for how he’d let her down, for the things they’d lost, and for the things he believed he could never lay claim to again.

“Please don’t cry, Elizabeth. You’ve nothing to be sorry for. Nothing!”

“You’re wrong, William,” she said between sniffles. “I’m sorry that I never told you about your past when I could’ve, I’m sorry that I let you get hurt that way, I’m sorry you’re in such pain. Oh God I’m so sorry...”

After holding her for a while as she cried, he gently pushed her off, then pulled her down, so she was sitting next to him on the bed, turning to face her.

“You mustn’t ever think that. Ever! I admit, I was angry with you at first; blamed you in a way. My only excuse is that I was so confused. I didn’t want to know the truth about what I’d been, still don’t, truth be told,” William said, looking up at her with a small, sad smile. “Last year, even before...before the attack, you have to remember the times that I would ask you something that didn’t seem to make sense, but then I’d let it go...”

Buffy nodded. “I let you let it go. It was easier, but I should’ve told you; prepared you somehow.”

“...because I didn’t want to know.”

“I didn’t want to lie to you,” she said, sniffling. “At first, I knew I couldn’t just tell you; you were so...helpless at first. I kept waiting for the right time, the right opportunity, but I made excuses. And after a while, I no longer wanted to tell you the truth. We were so hap...I was so happy; I thought I’d never feel like that again. I thought if I could just pretend that the past didn’t really exist, that we could go on as though it didn’t. I’m so sorry...”

“Shhhh,” William said, wiping away a tear that was rolling down her face. “Now that I look back, I don’t see how your telling me sooner would’ve made any difference, except we wouldn’t have had that time together like we did, and I would never, ever trade a moment that I’ve had with you, for having found out earlier.”

“I wouldn’t either,” Buffy said, hugging him tightly, “but now...you speak of it as all in the past. You don’t see a future for us do you? I mean, I know it can never be the same, but it can still be...” She looked at him, and her tears started again.”

“Elizabeth...it’s not that,” he said, a bit of him dying seeing her in so much pain.

“I know, it’s all those people; all the things you did as Spike...”

He nodded, afraid to trust his voice.

“...and it’s horrible; worse than horrible. But, I still don’t think you can hold yourself responsible for what Spike did when he didn’t have a soul, and before he started to change. I have to think that by saving the world, and being sent back by The Powers That Be, that you’ve been forgiven for the things you did as a vampire. You’ve been given a clean slate. Tabula Rasa.”

“You know Latin now?” he gently teased her, pulling a strand of hair off her wet cheeks.

“Of course,” she teased back, glad for the momentary break from the high seas drama. “ That, and carpe diem.”

“Seize the day,” he said thoughtfully. “I hear what you say, luv. I even understand how it would seem that way, but it just seems too simple. I mean, one grand gesture, when all I basically did was wear something around my neck, and go down with the ship hardly seems worthy of all my prior sins being erased, does it?”

“Yes, it does; to me! I was there; I saw what you did. What you did obviously fulfilled the Shanshu prophecy or you wouldn’t have been allowed to come back. I think that’s the bottom line.”

“Even if that were true, and I believed it, I don’t think that’s all there is to it.”

“Why not?”

He turned to look at her, opening his mouth as though he were going to say something, then closed it, and turned away from her.

“Tell me. You can tell me anything.”

William lifted his head, and looked into her eyes.

“I don’t think that evil is done with me yet...”

END CHAPTER 190


A/N

As always, thanks to my wonderful beta Judy. We’re almost like an old married couple we’ve been together on this story for so long. LOL

Sometimes we disagree or squabble about plot points, and/or semi-colons,
(Secretly, she works for the Semi-Colon Council -SCC for short- I just know it, and I have my detectives working around the clock to prove it!) but, she’s been there for me tirelessly as we’ve gone through the story, as well as real life, in the past couple of years.

Raises glass of virtual wine to Judy! Cheers!


Thanks to my tireless readers as well! Love you guys! Met and talked to so many interesting people since I’ve gotten into writing fanfic. You people are from all over the bloody world! *Duh, say the people!* How cool is that?

Raises glass of virtual wine to the people! Cheers!

Hiccup...