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Know Who I Am	By : Paigie Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > FemmeSlash - Female/Female > Buffy/Faith Views: 4757 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
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Chapter List
- 17
- 18
- 19
Ok, here’s a little update on what’s been going on. It’s been exactly two weeks since the sleepover at Willow’s and things have gotten a little better in the Faith department. We’re not hanging out as much as we used to, and I wouldn’t really describe us as friends, but we’re working on it.
Besides I don’t think things could ever go back to the way they were before. Too much has happened that can’t be taken back or forgotten and I honestly don’t want to just be friends with Faith. At least not like the way we were. I want us to have meaningful talks. Maybe I can get her to open up about her home life and her obvious daddy issues.
Sorry about that, I got side tracked. Where was I? Oh yeah, so Faith and I are becoming friendly but things between me and Tanner have been chilly at best. He definitely knows something is going on and he doesn’t really like me and Faith spending so much time together. I’m with her when I get home from school, and we’re patrolling together again.
To answer your question, yes patrolling with her is a little awkward. She is always at least three feet away from me if she can help it. We had to fight a group of vampires the other night and we were back to back most of the time. We got so caught u pin the moment and everything just melted away. It was just her and me doing what we do best. Afterwards it was extremely awkward because of the double h’s, as Faith puts it, and there was tons of sexual tension.
Faith has also made a couple appearances at the Bronze, but she was mostly trying to keep the gang happy and thinking nothing is wrong. It’s working for the most part. Wesley is a little mad that she doesn’t come into the library that often but he hasn’t gone looking for her or anything. She’s starting to come in on Thursdays again so that’s something. She doesn’t want to train that much with me because she wants me. I can tell that she’s starting to get sexually frustrated, and it’s kind of sad, but amusing at the same time.
Hearing her and Tanner go at it for two and a half hours is never fun, but seeing her all twitchy the next morning because he can’t satisfy her puts a little smile on my face. She admitted to me awhile ago that since she became a slayer he can’t fulfill her, and our…encounter left her very satisfied, but now the frustration is building back up.
I can go on and on about Faith all day, so I’ll skip it for now. I have some other things to talk about. Those vampires that came to town and have been hiding out are finally starting to do something. At least we’re pretty sure it’s them. Four little girls have gone missing in the last two weeks. And two things I don’t believe in are unicorns and coincidences. I haven’t really been too worried about them because they were being so quiet, but now they’ve pissed me off.
Right now we’re in the middle of a scooby meeting, Faith included, and so far we’ve gotten nowhere. Well, we have gotten somewhere but it’s nowhere useful. I’m frustrated, Giles is annoyed, Willow is sad, Xander is worried, Faith is restless, Cordelia looks bored, and Oz is completely calm and blank faced like always. I don’t really know why Cordelia is here, it’s not like she’s helping or anything. She’s reading the latest addition of People while Giles and I argue.
“Giles, I get that this is dangerous, I really do. But I’m sick of just sitting around doing nothing and waiting for them to make a move. Faith and I should be out hunting them down and slaying them like they deserve!” You bet your ass I’m yelling. I’ve had enough of this bullshit. He puts his hands on the table and leans towards me a little. He looks pissed as hell and a little scary but I’m not backing down.
“It’s not that simple. We don’t know how many vampires there are. You two going out and hunting them like wild dogs is not only stupid, it’s suicidal. You’re angry because there’s a large chance that they’ve turned those four girls, we all are, but we need a plan if we’re going to defeat them once and for all.” I’ll admit only to myself that he has a point. But like that’s ever stopped me from arguing.
“You’re damn right I’m angry. Four little girls are dead, Giles. The oldest one was seven, and they were all killed on my watch. We need to start looking for them, we need to kill them, and now before anymore girls die.” Vampires, except for Angel, don’t have souls so there’s a possibility some very sick, fucked up things happened to those girls before they died.
“You are not to blame for what happened.” And here he goes with this crap. “What happened is a tragedy, but there’s nothing you could have done to prevent it. Each girl was taken from a different part of town, and you can’t be everywhere at once.” I’m getting sick of his voice. Without saying anything I storm out of the library. It was totally dramatic, I know, but I can’t think clearly right now. I hear someone walking behind me but I don’t stop or even look back. I just want to be alone. I guess that’s not going to happen considering I’m being pulled into an empty classroom.
“Let go,” I say and tug my arm free. I turn around in time to see Faith shutting the door. The room is pretty dark because the only light is coming on through the little window thing on the door. I can still see pretty good though because of my slayer eyesight. I’m silent as Faith turns around and stands about six inches in front of me. She’s really close and I don’t want that right now.
“Alright, B, it’s time to calm down. I get that you’re pissed but takin it out on Giles isn’t gonna help.” I back away from her and lean against one of the desks. She didn’t read the newspaper like I did, so she doesn’t know why I’m so pissed. A family was just passing through Sunnydale on their way to LA, and decided to stay here for the night. While they were sleeping their motel room was broken in and their five-year-old daughter was taken. It was the same motel Faith used to live at.
“I don’t care right now. I haven’t been doing my job, Faith.” I look down at my hands and then back into her eyes. She looks a little confused, and she also has this look like ‘well, go on’. “Things have been so crazy lately because of…everything that’s happened and I haven’t been patrolling as much as I used to. If I had been out there trying to find these vampires then this wouldn’t have happened.” She gets closer until she’s right in my personal space.
“You don’t know that for sure. I’m a slayer too, this is just as much my fault as it is yours.” No, it’s not. It’s different because this is my town. Faith has made it pretty clear that she doesn’t want to stay in Sunnydale permanently and I have to because of the hellmouth. “You know I hate agreein with watchers but Giles is right. We don’t know how many of those vamps are out there out there, and if we hunt them down and we’re not ready then we’re dead, and that’s not an option.” I really don’t want to use a scare tactic, but here it goes.
“One of those girls was taken from the motel you were staying at.” She looks a little surprised so I keep going. “It could’ve been Sam, Faith. If things were different and you didn’t move in with us it could’ve been her.” I open my mouth to say more but she puts a finger on my lips to keep me quiet. I kind of hate her right now.
“Stop it. I know what you’re doin and it’s not gonna work. Things aren’t different, and it wasn’t her.” Her finger moves from my lips and now she’s gently cupping my cheek. I take in a shaky breath as she steps a little closer to me. The look in her eyes is so intense and I can feel myself getting lost in them. “We’re going to find them and we’re going to stop them. It’s what we do best, girlfriend. Kill the baddies and lookin good doin it.”
“But what about those little girls, Faith?” Now that my adrenaline isn’t pumping anymore I have tears in my eyes. “Killing those vampires isn’t going to bring them back. We can never make up for what they did.” The tears slowly run down my face and Faith uses her thumbs to brush them away. She’s so close to me now that I can feel her body brushing against mine. My breathing stops when she closes the distance between our mouths. My eyes slide shut when I feel her soft lips press against mine. They feel so much better then I remember.
It only lasts a few seconds, and she very slowly pulls away. Both of her hands are on my face now and her fingers are lightly petting my cheeks. The way she’s touching me, the look in her eyes right now just everything about her demeanor it’s like I’m the most delicate thing in the world and she’s trying so hard not to break me. But the way she’s standing up perfectly straight, and the way her body is pressed against mine it’s also like she’s silently telling me she’s going to protect me. From what I’m not sure.
Going against all of my better judgment I lean forward and kiss her. This one isn’t a soft, comforting kiss that only lasts mere seconds. Not at all. Sure it’s pretty soft, and I do feel comforted, but it’s different because almost as soon as my lips touch hers our tongues are out and very ready. She takes control right away, and her tongue gently massages mine. Her right hand moves from my face to the small of my back.
She pulls me against her and we’re touching in all of the right places. I turn my head a little to the side and roll my tongue against hers like I’m trying to say an ‘r’ sound in Spanish. A small moan escapes her throat and I wrap my arms around her neck. We haven’t even been kissing for five minutes and already I want her. My body is ready for her to take me, and I definitely want her to.
She pulls back and ends the kiss. We’re both panting very roughly and our heavy breathing is the only sound in the room. My heart is racing and if the flush on her face is an indicator then so is hers. She leans her forehead against mine and closes her eyes. I’d give anything to know what’s running through her mind right now. I don’t move and I concentrate on slowing down my breathing while I wait to see what she’s going to do.
When she opens her eyes I can just tell that this moment is over. It isn’t just her and me anymore, hiding away from the rest of the world, and trying to comfort each other. Now it’s Faith, me, and all of the reasons why this is wrong. It doesn’t stop her from rubbing the tip of her nose against mine, and I smile a big goofy smile.
“You’re a little bit of a dork,” I say and pull my head back so I can look at all of her face. She smiles back and she lets go of me. I do the same thing even thought I really don’t want to.
Well, I don’t like seeing you cry.” I didn’t know Faith could be this sweet. I know she has a soft side. All you have to do is watch her with Sam and you can see that she can be gentle, and sweet and that she isn’t this hardcore, badass girl. Just when I think she’s going to say something totally sweet and cute again she gets this look in her eyes and I know it’s over.
“We should get back,” I tell her and she nods her head a little. “Someone might come looking for us. We’ve been gone for a while.” I look into her eyes like I’m trying to study them or something. I can just tell that she doesn’t want to leave. She wants to be with me, but she can’t an she looks so torn. I sigh a little and walk passed her. If she wasn’t going to make the first move to leave then I had to or I probably would’ve kissed her again.
When I get out into the hall I hear her walking behind me. She walks a little faster until she’s right next to me. We walk towards the library in silence and it’s a little awkward. I hate that it’s like this between us. I hate that I can’t just reach over and hold her hand. I hate that I can’t grab onto her arm and press her up against the lockers and kiss her like I really want to.
I’ve had enough of all this bullshit. She loves me too, I know she does, and we’re both legal adults so there shouldn’t be anything stopping us. Being an adult is about making choices and sticking by them. Life is about finding the things that are worth having and fighting for them with all you’ve got. Ever since I was a little kid those are the things people have been telling me, and now I’m ready to make a choice. I’m ready to fight with everything I have to win Faith over. To prove to her that we can work as a couple.
“Here’s what we’re going to do,” I say as we enter the library. There’s no way we don’t look totally badass right now. “Faith and I will up our patrolling, and take along some extra weapons just in case. We’ll find where these vampires are hiding and do some recon. We’ll try to count how many there are without being seen and take out all of the ones we can without getting caught. When we have proof that there are too many for us to handle then we’ll meet again for strategy talks but until then we’re going after them like there’s a bounty.” Not one of my best speeches but they all look impressed.
I don’t know exactly how I’m going to prove to Faith that I love her, and convince her that we can be together. I guess I need to go right to the source of the problem. I need to find out everything I can about Tanner. He’s the one I’m up against so I need a plan, and lots of information for that plan and I need it fast. I need to know why Faith is so afraid of him because that’s the key. If she feels like she can trust me and that I’ll protect her then I stand a chance. I might have to play a little dirty but all is fair in love and war, right?
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Know Who I Am