• 1-Prologue
• 2-Abandoned Love
• 3-Shelter From the Storm
• 4-Temporary Like Achilles
• 5-Mixed Up Confusion
• 6-Simple Twist of Fate
• 7-Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues
• 8-All I Really Wanna Do
• 9-It Ain't Me Babe
• 10-Tell Me, Momma
• 11-I'll Keep It With Mine
• 12-On a Night Like This
• 13-Let's Keep It Between Us
• 14-Love Sick
• 15-Not Dark Yet
• 16-Where Are You Tonight?
• 17-Farewell Angelina
• 18-Idiot Wind
• 19-Cold Irons Bound
• 20-Rainy Day Women #12 & 35
• 21-To Be Alone With You
• 22-Lay Lady Lay
• 23-Standing in the Doorway
• 24-It Ain't Me Babe
• 25-Mississippi
• 26-Tomorrow Is A Long Time
• 27-Can't Wait: Part 1
• 28-Can't Wait: Part 2
• 29-Black Crow Blues
• 30-Visions of Johanna
• 31-Pledgin' My Time
• 32-Love Minus Zero/No Limit
• 33-One of Us Must Know (Sooner or Later)
• 34-Don't Fall Apart on Me Tonight
• 35-Ballad of a Thin Man
• 36-Mama, You Been On My Mind
• 37-I'd Have you Anytime
• 38-She Belongs To Me
• 39-I Want You

A/N: Please please me. Review! Oh, and I really liked writing this, I hope you like reading it. Again, please review.

Spike dreamt of Tara and Xander. Of Willow and Anya. He watched them together and he hurt but something was changing inside him. Something was filling up a place that was dead, and places that he hadn't even known existed before. He could feel Buffy all around him, could smell her, taste her. Her warmth seeped into his body and he felt whole for the first time since he'd really understood that his mother was dead and never coming back. She wasn't going to leave him. His best friend, his first love, his sister, his father, the mothers he knew and didn't know, they could abandon him but Buffy was always there.

He moved slowly toward consciousness and he felt Buffy pressed up against his back leaving soft, tender kisses on his neck. Her fingernails were lightly grazing his stomach and that really wasn't helping in the effort to forget about his morning erection.

"Mmmm..."

"Morning."

Spike didn't say anything, just reached back to stroke her thigh with one hand and entwine his fingers with hers over his stomach. He could feel her smiling against his back as her free hand drifted down to dance around his cock without ever touching him. It was driving him crazy, but it was a good crazy.

"Buffy..." It came out as a contented sigh as she finally closed her deft fingers around him. "Yes, luv."

"I love you in the morning."

He smiled without opening his eyes. "Just the morning, pet?"

"Well, ok, all the time. But you're so cute when you're all sleepy and purring like a kitten."

He turned and pinned her to the bed faster than she would have guessed possible in those circumstances. "Cute? Purring? Think you might be projecting."

She reached up to ruffle his already messed hair. "Nope. I have terrible and unmanageable bed hair, yours is just plain adorable."

He growled and attacked her neck with open-mouthed kisses that had her gasping and moaning in seconds. "Your hair is always beautiful, just like the rest of you."

"Less talky more bitey."

He laughed and resumed his previous task while she maneuvered her hand between them to stroke him again. He moaned and closed his hand over hers pressing her tighter. He moved from her neck to her collarbone and then began to pull up the hem of the shirt she was wearing.

“Spike?”

“Hmm?”

“Maybe we should...”

Her hand stopped moving though her fingers where still wrapped around him and he looked up into her eyes. “What is it?”

“I’m not... we’re kinda one step away here, don’t you think?”

He smoothed the shirt back down and brought her hand from his aching cock to his lips and kissed her fingers. “Yeah... after last night....” He sighed. “Things might be harder to control now, eh?”

She nodded and he kissed her tenderly trying not to think about how angry his dick was going to be with him for making this decision.

“I’m sorry, I do want to, just-”

He rolled off of her and propped himself up on his elbow. “No worries, luv. I want to too.” They both looked down and she couldn’t help but grin at his grimace. “Just want it to be right. Can’t rush everything can we?”

She shook her head, feeling terrible about leaving him like that. She contemplated just finishing him off and then taking a shower to help herself but he moved out of bed and pulled on his jeans. “I think I might need a shower right about now.”

“Yeah, guess that’s a good idea.”

She watched him gingerly tuck himself into his jeans and walk delicately over to kiss her again. “Was gonna ask you,” he paused and she looked at him expectantly. “I need to talk to.. my father...” It seemed a lot harder than it should for him to say those words and she reached for his hand. “Think you’d like to.. maybe meet him today?”

She sat up and brought a hand to his cheek. “Yeah, of course. Let me have some time to get ready and we can go.”

He nodded and stood. He ran a hand over he hair before smiling softly and walking to the bathroom. She got her things from his room and on her way past the bathroom where she could hear the shower going, she couldn’t help but lean in to listen.

“Buffy...”

She grinned and made her way to her room.

***

Buffy could feel the tension rolling off of Spike as they approached a small house near the campus. He pulled into the drive and shut off the engine before looking over at her. He’d held her hand, more and more tightly as the ride went on and now he brought it up to his lips and kissed it softly.

“Are you gonna be ok?”

“Yeah... Just a little nervous. Last time we talked things were good and I thought... Now it’s all fucked again and I don’t know how he’s gonna react. Maybe we should come together some other time, when he’s not almost sure to hate me again.”

“Spike... It’s ok, nobody has the perfect parent/child relationship worked out. You’ve told me about most of the problems and I don’t think he’s going to freak out and blame you for this.” She left out the “again” part, sure he was filling it in himself and hugged him tightly. “I want to be here for you.”

“God you’re amazing.”

She smiled brightly and opened her door after quickly kissing him. “I know.”

They walked up the drive and to the door hand in hand and she gave him a reassuring squeeze before he knocked.

An older man with only a slight resemblance to Spike, but a huge one to what she imagined William was like greeted them.

“William, son, how are you?”

They embraced and Buffy couldn’t help but smile at the affection in the older man’s eyes for his child. She knew they’d had hard times, but she could see it wasn’t possible for this man to feel anything more than love for his son.

Spike cleared his throat and stepped back. “Umm, fine, Dad...” He put a hand at the small of Buffy’s back and urged her forward. “I’d like you to meet someone. This is Buffy Summers. Buffy, this is my father, Rupert Giles.”

She smiled and he took her hand and shook it warmly returning her smile and nodding. “Hello, Buffy, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Pleasure to meet you, Mr. Giles.”

“Oh please, just Giles, or Rupert if you prefer, though no one’s called me that name in years.” He gestured for them to come inside and they moved into the sitting room. It wasn’t a large home, but it was homey and Buffy could see a young William living in a place like this, with a lot of books and a distinctly British look to the furniture.

“Sit down, sit down. Tea?”

Spike’s nervousness wasn’t really lessening and Buffy took his hand again in hopes of calming him down. “That sounds great, Giles. Right, Spike?”

He looked up suddenly and she could tell this place was bringing back a lot of memories, and probably not pleasant ones. “Umm, yeah, Dad, thanks.”

While Giles busied himself in the kitchen Buffy tried to ease Spike’s anxiety with soft touches. “It’ll be ok, Spike. Everyone’s fine, and you’re going to deal with this in a way that will make him proud.”

He just looked at her and kissed her a little desperately before he resumed his earlier musing over memories. Giles returned soon after and sat down after handing out their cups.

“So, William, what brings you here?”

Spike took a deep breath and looked up at his father. Buffy could see the tension settle in the older man’s body and she tensed as well. “Willow... had and accident. She’s fine now,” he added quickly.

Most of the color drained from Giles’ face and Buffy squeezed Spike’s hand hard. “What happened?”

“She was... There was a fight... She and Tara were attacked.. Xander too a few weeks ago. Everybody’s ok, but we.. I need to take care of it.”

“And have you?” There was something deadly and too grave about his voice and Buffy started to realize why Spike was so terrified.

“I will. I’m going to today, just thought you should know about things before anything goes down. Don’t want you to be out of the loop and clueless if they call you to identify my body.”

“Spike!”

“William!”

Buffy shook her head and brought her other hand to cover their joined ones trying to remain calm. Giles wasn’t so able to restrain himself.

“You’re not doing this again, are you? Getting into these bloody situations and not being able to get out, because we’ve come too damn far for you to do this to us... to do it to yourself.”

Spike looked at the ground. “I’m not... I think Dru’s back in town and I didn’t know. Xander got hurt, and now Willow, and she thinks.... I’m not questioning it. This is just revenge. I haven’t seen her since that night and I don’t know why she chose now but she did. I’m taking care of it. I swear.”

Giles sat and drank his tea for a moment silently before looking back at his son. “Do you need anything? Help from anyone? I can call in a few favors.”

“No, I want this to be done. I need to do it. I need...” Spike shook his head and Giles looked over at Buffy.

“I understand, son, I do. I’m glad you came to talk to me. I want to help you, but only if you need it. Remember pride goeth-”

“Before the fall, yeah I remember.”

They were all silent for a moment before Giles looked over at Buffy again. “So, Buffy, where did you meet William?”

***

They left the house amid Buffy and Giles’ laughter and Spike’s groans.

“I bloody hate it when he starts with those stories.”

Buffy grinned up at him and leaned against him as they walked to the car. It was much later in the afternoon and they were both surprised that they had stayed so long. Buffy was happy that things had turned out like they did. She really liked Spike’s father, and he seemed to like her. She could see that the events of the past had left a big impression on both of the men, but it had worked out for the best. They could respect one another, and be there to help if need be.

They got into the car and Spike stuck the key in the ignition but then stopped and looked at Buffy. “I have to go.”

The grin faded and she looked down at their hands, they hadn’t really been separated all day. Now he was going off to do something they sounded way too dangerous for her tastes and there was no way she would be able to go along. She could handle herself, she was sure of it, but they would only distract each other, and that could result in bigger problems than worry.

“I know. Just-”

“I’m coming back whole. I swear to you.”

“You better.”

He pulled her to him and kissed her fiercely. “You know I love you too bloody much to stay away. I’ll be fine, and once Dru knows what’s what, we can live our lives. Everybody can, without worry about going out at night. It’s fucking ridiculous, watchin’ our backs like this. Makes me crazy.”

She smoothed the furrow from his brow with her hand and he leaned into it. “Just you focus on getting back. If things get too hectic, get out.”

He nodded and they kissed again before he started the engine and began the drive back home.

***

Spike's lips were still tingling from the kiss Buffy gave him before he dropped her off when he reached the place he’d heard Dru was staying. He still had a few people loyal to him in that circle, and now he was glad he’d kept those contacts. Spending the night searching for her wasn’t something he wanted to do. The sooner he got back to Buffy, the sooner he’d be able to rest assured that he could keep his family safe.

He parked his car a few houses away from the one he’d be going into. The cops knew him well enough, he didn’t need to be picked up for being seen in the wrong place at the wrong time.

He could feel the dread begin to creep up on him the closer he got to her. He hadn’t seen her since he’d murdered Angel, and that memory still nearly brought him to his knees. It didn’t help that he’d never really had any closure with Dru. Sure, seeing her willingly fuck the man who’d been raping him for a year was a pretty good way to kill any mood, but it left him unsatisfied, he hated that.

He didn’t bother knocking before he entered. He could hear people in the basement and he walked in and saw her sitting with a few others he didn’t recognize. He didn’t account for the effect of seeing her again. The emotions that ran through him were volatile and hit him hard. He nearly staggered under the weight of it, but he managed to keep a cool facade.

“William. I knew you’d come.”

“Why are you here, Dru?”

“Come give me a proper hello and I’ll tell you all my secrets.”

“Can’t, luv.”

She studied him for a moment and then smiled. “Ahh yes, little girl surrounding you now. I can see her floating all around you. You’re covered in her.”

He shook his head and looked at her again. “I didn’t come to make small talk. Get out of here.”

“Now, William-”

“Get out, or I will make you get out.”

She stood and gestured vaguely to those around her and they seemed to understand. They gathered up a few bottles and some small packets and left the room closing the door behind them. She walked toward him and wrapped her arms around his neck. He stiffened but didn’t pull away. He couldn’t.

“I want you to say something for me, and then I’ll go.”

He looked at her warily. “What?”

“Tell me,” she whispered in his ear making him shudder, “that you don’t,” her tongue darted out to lick his earlobe, “love me anymore.”

He jerked back and she smiled. “Fuck you.”

“Maybe.”

He pushed her away and walked to the door with his back to her. “Don’t play these fucking head games with me. Just get out and I won’t do anything drastic.”

“Like murder?”

He closed his eyes and she moved behind him, molding herself to his body. “Dru, please...”

“Please what? This?” She reached in front of him and caressed his cock through his jeans. It jumped against her fingers and he hated himself.

“Stop it.”

“I don’t think that’s what you really want.” She didn’t move her hand and he didn’t stop her. Couldn’t. “The little girl doesn’t satisfy you like I do. She doesn’t know what makes you hard. What makes you beg and come until you can’t see straight. I do.”

She bit his neck hard and grabbed him more firmly. He couldn’t help his bodies reaction to her, she always had him in her thrall.

“Don’t. I’m not playing here.”

“Neither am I, sweet William. You’ve been so so naughty. Killing Daddy, fucking Daddy, trying to forget about us, but we’re always there. Always inside you. You still love us, still need us to fill you up and remind you how dirty you really are.” She pressed herself closer and he couldn’t help but moan. “Disgusting boy.”

He couldn’t help the tears that fell from his eyes and he couldn’t help the way his cock sprung to life at her words. He forced his hand to remove her from the front of his pants and pull himself away.

He leaned against the door panting and she watched him. “I can’t... you’ve trained me well, baby. And I may not be able to tell you no in so many words...”

“Tell me you don’t love-”

“Shut-up!” Love you, love you, always love you, you fucking heartless bitch!

“You’ve got one bloody hour. Get your shit and get the fuck out of my town or I’m going to make you regret it. I couldn’t hurt you myself, Dru, but there are other ways.”

He fought the instinct to turn around and bury himself in her and walked out to his car. He managed to drive to a parking lot close by before he pressed his head to steering wheel and wept. He hated her, hated her so much it made him want to vomit.

He hated her because he couldn’t stop loving her, because there was this little poncey shit inside him that needed her around to make him feel needed, even if he was just needed to make her feel superior. He slammed his hands against the dashboard as he raged until his voice was hoarse from screaming and his head ached and his eyes itched. He hated that not even Buffy could make the need for Dru go away.

“There is something so seriously fucking wrong with you, mate.”

He looked down at the clock and saw that her hour was up. He picked up his cell phone and dialed. “Hello, yes... I need to report some drug activity, maybe even more in my neighborhood.”

***

He made it back home after midnight. He’d gone by Dru’s on the way back and saw the cop cars. Stupid bitch couldn’t heed his advice, she could get carted away for all he cared. He fought back any guilt he felt and tried to seem presentable as he pulled into the drive. Buffy was halfway down the walk before he even fully got out of his car.

He stood up and she jumped into his arms. They held each other tightly without words for a while before he put her down and she checked him over for any injuries. He refused to meet her eyes and she figured he was still a little upset about the whole thing.

“Do you want to talk?”

“She’s in jail now I think. Didn’t really check, but she’s gone either way.”

He didn’t elaborate anymore on his meeting with her and Buffy didn’t ask sensing that he needed to leave it alone for a while. She pulled him inside and he went along willingly, hoping she didn’t make a big deal about his demeanor. She didn’t.

They were silent, and it wasn’t entirely uncomfortable. They stripped and got into bed without a word. Buffy was a little hesitant to touch Spike as he seemed a little distant, but after a few moments of them lying on their backs staring at the ceiling a foot away from each other, Spike turned and pulled her against him, burying his face in her neck and inhaling before he let out a choked sob.

Buffy pulled him closer and whispered whatever came to mind to help him. She kissed his temple when she felt him calm down a bit and start to fall asleep.

“I love you, Spike.”

He swallowed hard and held in the pain that statement caused him after what he’d done to her. “I love you too. I just want to be a good man for you.”

“You are, Spike.”

He didn’t argue, just held her closer and drifted off to sleep hoping that if he never saw Dru again, he’d never have to deal with her legacy.