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Independence	By : norwalker Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > FemmeSlash - Female/Female > Faith/Willow Views: 7379 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 16
- 17
- 18
Independence
By Norwalker
Part 17 of
Summary: What did Willow and Faith discuss in that little car trip from L.A. to Sunnydale in season 7? And what were the consequences? A Willow/ Faith story
Rating: R, Very R
Category: romance/drama/angst
Spoilers: Possible season 7 spoilers. Possible season 4 Angel spoilers. C'mon, you must have seen 'em by now!
Time Line: Mid season 7(after the return of Faith) and beyond
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon , Mutant Enemy and Fox own them.
Warnings: Adult themes, violence, sexual situations between members of the same gender. Please be aware, character death is always a distinct possibility. It can happen here, so don't say I didn't warn you!!! Any racist remarks are spoken by the characters, and are in no way shared by the author. This story is not meant for children.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
They're running down an alley, Connor in the lead. It seems like they'd been running for hours, but Buffy knows it hasn't been that long. She felt the sweat on her brow; it was a humid night. Connor doesn't even seem to notice it. ��God, doesn't he ever tire?- Buffy wonders to herself.- You're just getting old, grandma. C'mon, move it.
" Do you see them?" Buffy calls out to Connor. She's been following him since he came to her back at the hotel. He said he'd seen where some of the vamps had gone, did she want to come along. She was still in a mood to kill; still smarting from Faith's reprimand. She followed eagerly.
But she hasn't seen any vampires, and they keep twisting and turning in alleys.- Where are they? Should've seen something by now.�- But all she saw was Connor, running ahead, seeming to be following some internal instinct or invisible guide all his own.
" They went this way, "Connor calls back, still running.
" Where? I don't see them..." Buffy is beginning to think this is a wild goose chase.
" I can hear them, " Connor says, " They're up ahead, I know they are. " He puts on a burst of speed, and Buffy does her best to keep up. He rounds a corner up ahead, and for a second Buffy loses sight of him. She comes around the corner, and he's standing there, looking at a brick wall blocking the way. They've reached a dead end.
" Well, I'm pretty sure they're not here, " Buffy says, sounding sarcastic and a little disappointed. She looks at the wall blocking the alley... too high to jump over." I think they got lost, like us."
" I don't get it, " Connor says, " I heard them come this way. I can still hear them."
" Well, unless they can turn into bats like in the movies..." Buffy looks around, and then sees it. Using gestures, she points to a window fronting the alley, on the second floor. It's broken out. It's accessible by an old rusted out fire escape. Putting her finger to her lips, she gestures to Connor to follow her.
Slowly, quietly she climbs the fire escape. Connor follows after her, instinctively placing his steps to keep quiet. They reach the broken window, and hunker down below the sill. Buffy raises her head slowly to look inside.
At first, it's too dark to see inside. As her eyes adjust, she can make out some figures in the light coming through the windows in front. Gripping Connor's hand to get his attention, she indicates she's going in, and he should follow. She slip through the broken pane, and drops quietly to the floor.
"Where are they?" Connors whispers into her ear, nearly causing her to have a heart attack. She didn't even hear him come in. She turns and puts her finger to his lips, then points with her other hand. She waves that he should go left, and she'll go right. They start toward where the silhouettes of the figures are bunched.
When they've made it halfway across, a dim light appears by where the group is gathered. Buffy stops, trying to figure out the situation. �They're all bunched up. That's weird... shit, they must be feeding. Nothing crankier than a hungry vamp interrupted at the dinner bell.- Buffy glances around, and sees Connor off to the side, standing and watching. � Why's he standing there? Is he waiting for an engraved invite?- Buffy's seen enough. She pulls out a stake � don't leave home without it- and starts to charge the vampires.
" Hey, fangoria, hate to break up the little party. No, wait, you broke up mine. Not hating it" Buffy rushes in, ready to kill, smash, and generally dish some mayhem.
" No, Buffy, wait!" Connor calls out, but it's too late. Buffy lays into the first figure, hitting it with a punch... and it falls over, and just lays there. Buffy stops, puzzled... especially since the other figures don't react... except the one on the floor, which leaps to his feet.
At that moment, the lights come up in the warehouse, and a security guard has a gun pointed at Buffy...
Buffy looks, and sees she's kicked... a mannequin. It's lying over on its side. It's fall knocked over a couple of other mannequins, the rest are surrounding them, formed into various poses. � Dummies? I'm fighting DUMMIES?- She looks over to where Connor is standing, looking a little sheepish. The 'victim' is a homeless guy. His 'stuff' is lying on the floor by the dummies; obviously he nests here to get out of the night.
" What the hell is going on in here?" the security guard, holding the gun on Buffy, looks nervous." Christ, lady, what're you doing, anyway?"
" The woman's nuts. I was just lying here, minding my own business, and she goes all psycho and starts kicking the dummies," the homeless guy, looking scared, plasters himself against the wall.
" Hey, you're not supposed to be in here..." the guard briefly turns to the homeless man, and that gives Buffy her opening. Before he can react, she twirls and around and kicks him, knocking him to the ground. She punches him, knocking him unconscious. His gun goes flying off along the wall.
" Buffy?" Connor says, moving a little closer, "Well, you decked him pretty good."
" Connor" Buffy isn't looking at him, but at the homeless guy cowering against the wall. " What the hell's going on?"
" My names not Connor... it's Beau, " The homeless guy says, trembling, " please, don't hurt me, ok?"
" Not talking to you," Buffy says, and turns to Connor. " I thought you said there were vamps in here."
" I saw them come in here... I think. I heard them, I swear I did!"
" Well, I killed some mannequins. I think the world's safe now, " Buffy says, grinning ruefully. She hears the guard groan. " Shoot, we gotta get outta here before he wakes up."
" What about him?" Connor says, nodding towards the homeless guy, " He could identify us."
Buffy looks intently at the homeless guy, who sidles away from her. " I didn't see nothing... honest. I don't know nothing..."
" Leave him, lets get outta here," Buffy says, as the guard begins to stir. She grabs Connor's arm, and runs towards the window they popped in through.
" Hold it! Stop" the guard yells out, " Stop or I'll... shoot, where's my gun? Dammit it, where's my gun?" He gets up, trying to find his missing gun.
Buffy and Connor crash through the window, overshooting the fire escape and landing on their feet in the alley.
" You ok?" Connor asks, going to Buffy, who's still kneeling on the ground where she landed.
" Yeah, Fine, I'm peachy, " She says, sarcastically. " Lets went, already." She takes off down the way they came, Connor following close behind. They wind down the maze of alleys they came through to get where they were, and finally make it back to the street. Buffy exits the alley first, and leans against a building. Connor follows, and stands watching her.
" What happened to the vampires, Connor?" Buffy says, panting a little.
" I don't know. I followed them, but when we came to the dead end, I didn't see them. I thought I heard them..."
" Connor, don't lie to me," Buffy says, firmly.
" I'm not lying ... I saw some vampires getting away, and I came for you, and we..."
" Really? Why'm I having such a hard time believing that? I never saw any vamps, or sensed any vamps... I just followed you, because I ..."
"What?"
" Never mind, " Buffy says, covering, " look, there never were any vamps, was there?"
" There were vampires. I saw them. I'm sorry you didn't, but then you don't have ...."
" I don't have what?" Buffy stares at him
" I'm ... my parents were vampires. I have some of their ... abilities"
" Connor, I'm the... a slayer. I can sense vampires, even when I can't see them. There weren't any vamps."
"Uh-huh... that's why you attacked those mannequins then? Because they were evil? I mean if you can sense vampires, why..."
" Not the point, Connor. Why'd you lead me on a wild goose chase for some vampires that ... weren't?"
Connor just stares at her, stubbornly refusing to acknowledge he might be wrong. She sighs, and straightens up.
" Why don't you just go home, Connor?" Buffy starts to walk towards the Hyperion, " it's been a long night, weird night. Everybody's kinda off." She starts to walk away.

" Why?" Connor asks suddenly. Buffy stops.
" Why?" She asks, really not understanding what he is asking.
" Why do you love him? Dad ... Angel?"
" Loved, Connor. I loved Angel. We haven't been together... in a long time."
" Love. I can see it written all over your face. Whatever you felt... well, you're feeling now."
" My feelings are personal, Connor, and not really explainable."
" It doesn�t make sense, though. You're the slayer. He was a vampire. You were supposed to kill him, not love him."
" Look, Connor, when I met him, I didn't know he was a vampire. I fell for him, before I knew it. When I found out, I was ... freaked, believe me, " Buffy looks thoughtful," whatever I'm feeling now about Angel? It's because of all we've been through. Angel wasn't just a vampire, you know that, Connor. He had a soul. He was different."
Connor looks as if he's decided something. " Buffy, I want to show you something, ok?"
"I dunno, Connor. It's been a long night. I just want to ..."
"Please, it's important."
"Connor, "Buffy starts, but sees the look on his face," Alright. I must be nuts, but alright."
Connor, smiling, takes her hand, and leads her off.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Faith enters the lobby of the Hyperion with a frown, slumped shoulders and a feeling of frustration. Looking at the wrecked lobby only added to her sense of dark humor
- So, my little get together went boom. How typical, don't ya think? B running off, with Connor, just making things so much sparklier? Bonus!
She surveys the wreckage with an accepting sigh, then finds a place not too damaged to sit and contemplate what to do now.
- I suppose I should go out and look for them some more, but it seems kinda pointless. Wherever they've gotten to, it's not where I'm thinking. Shit. I can only hope they don't get thrown in jail or hurt themselves, or somebody else. I guess I should've kept a closer eye on B after she went postal on Dru, but with the fight and all... crap. Now she's got Connor with her, and that could be... interesting? Faith looks around at the lobby again, and the irony hits her. � Gee, aren't I supposed to be the wild one? And B, the mature one? There's a hoot for ya.
Faith doesn't realize she isn't exactly alone in the lobby. Well, that is, if you count the stairs. For at the head of the stairs stands Willow, looking down at her. On her face is one worried expression. She's heard Buffy has run off with Connor, somewhere, and that's one worry. Then she heard Faith was going out to find them, and that was a whole new set of worries. She's been back and forth checking out the lobby, hoping Buffy or Faith or someone would show up. That things would work out ok, and no one would be hurt... or worse.
She watches as Faith sits down. Faith looks a little lost, and Willow's heart goes out to her.- Poor baby, she look so sad... like her last friend just spit in her face.- Willow starts down to comfort her, but hesitates. � Maybe not wanting my comfort.- She's just decided to go down, anyway, when someone emerges from the office. Kira. She watches as the Kira walks over to Faith, wondering what exactly she's doing up so late.- I wonder if there's more to their relationship than employer, employee? Or just friends, even?-
" Hey, Faith, not looking too good, huh?" Kira looks around at the damage, with a practiced eye at what it's going to cost to get repaired.
" Yeah, looks like my big idea went poof again... nothing new, huh?" Faith says, self deprecatingly.
" Hey, don't be so hard on yourself, Faith," Kira says, coming over and putting her hands on Faith's shoulders, " wasn't your fault that the vampire brigade showed up and crashed the party."
"Yeah, well, I should've planned it better. Had my girls outside, keeping the bloodsuckers out of the place. Sometimes I swear I'm an idiot."
" Hey, stop that. You're not an idiot. It was going great, even though there were a lot more people here than expected. No one can think of everything. It's cool."
" Yeah, but look at the place. It was supposed to be ready tomorrow morning. Now it's trashed. Don't have a clue what it's going to cost to get it fixed back on time, or close to time." Faith says, a little unhappily. " made a promise, now I'm gonna have to break it."
" Naw, not really. I already contacted some people. Not going to be cheap, but I can get some guys to fix this up in the morning. No sweat."
Faith gets up, " I better get back out there. Buffy and Connor are on the loose, getting up to who knows what. I better find them before they do too much damage." She starts to walk away, but Kira grabs her arm to stop her.
" Faith, let them go. Buffy's an adult, " Kira says, and then sees Faith's expression, " well, chronologically, at least. And Connor's 18. Buffy might be a little off, but I don't think she'll let him get hurt, or anything serious. Let 'em blow off some steam, girl. They're both kinda wound tight. I mean, they both had a special relationship with Angel, too. This must've been kind hard for them."
" I know that. That's why I gotta find them. You've got two people out grieving over a loss. No big until you consider how strong they are, and what damage they can do. I..."
" Faith. When did you become Buffy's keeper?"
Faith gives Kira a look.
" You're acting like you are responsible for Buffy and what she does. Same with Connor. When did you get to be mother hen, anyway?"
"So not being a mother hen. I don't want to deal with the crap they'll pull, is all. And Connor? Ok, 18, but he still has his adoptive parents. What're they gonna do if he gets into trouble? They weren't so happy to have him coming to the memorial, anyway. They figure we're a bad influence. If he winds up in trouble, well, duh, what're you thinking they're gonna do? Throw roses at us?"
" You know Faith, you're a really terrible liar. We should play poker sometime, I can use the money." Kira grins.
" What're you babbling? I'm not wanting any legal trouble because of a hormonal teenage boy and a looney tunes slayer, is all."
" Uh-huh. Like you don't know I already got it covered, and that I've already put a couple of the girls from the squad... ones not hurt, out looking for them. Don't sweat it , Faith. It's handled, " Kira says, with her usual clipped tone," except, of course, you're gonna sweat it. That's you. You can't fool me Faith."
Faith looks askance at her.
" Oh, c'mon, Faith. Not dumb here, thought you'd get that by now. You're not worried about Buffy or Connor because of what they might do, but because of what might happen to them. Knowing how you feel about Angel, I can understand Connor. He's a kid, lost his father, going through a rough time, even IF he doesn't show it. Not getting the Buffy angle, however."
" It's complicated..." Faith, admitting her true feelings in the bargain.
" Yeah, when is something concerning you not?" Kira smiles. She grabs Faith's arm and tugs on it, " c'mon. There's really nothing you can do that isn't being done, you know? I don't need something else to worry about. Buy you a drink... looks like you could use it."
" I guess you're right, " Faith says, hating to admit defeat, " I guess there's nothing more I can do right now. Dammit, I hate this. Why does she have to ... " she trails off, feeling the anger build in her. The anger she doesn't need and doesn't really want. She's not really angry at Buffy. She knows she's been going through a hard time. She wants to help...if she could figure out what's bugging her. She sees a lot of what she felt not so long ago in Buffy, and she knows where that can go. She's worried about Connor too. But she also knows that he'll be ok. She has a lot more confidence that Connor is going to straighten himself out. � His parents aren't gonna let him stray too far.- What worries her most about him is whether his adoptive folks are going to let him be a part of what's going to come. � No real choice there. He's part of the prophecy. But they could make it difficult for him. This isn't going to help.- Faith wonders, somewhat ironically, why she became the responsible one all of a sudden.
" Faith, you ok? Looking a bit lost there, " Kira pokes her arm.
" Yeah, fine. Look, think I'm gonna skip the drink..."
" My god, is the world going to end tomorrow? Faith Delano Lehane, skipping a drink? God, what next?"
Faith gives her a poke back. Kira makes a little yelp, and rubs her arm.
" You're loving this, aren�t you?," Faith grins despite herself, " I'm just feeling a little tired. Think I'll try to get some rest."
" Yeah, that's probably a good idea... hate to have to carry you back here, half drunk."
" Don't push it, Kira."
" I'll let you know if I hear anything, ok?" Kira starts to walk to the office, then turns back to Faith, who's heading towards the stairs. " Hey"
" What?" Faith turns around, maybe a little irritated. Not sure if she wants any more of Kira's humor tonight.
" You gotta stop trying to carry the world on your shoulders, girl, " Kira says, her tone soft but full of empathy, " You gotta remember that others like you, and care about you, and want to help."
Faith looks at her a minute, and a smile, a genuine full- face- reach-to-the-eyes smile breaks out on her face. "You're something else, Kiddo. I don't know what I'd do without you." She turns and climbs the stairs.
Willow, eavesdropping on the conversation, quickly retreats back to her room. As she closes the door softly behind her, she feels all sorts of emotions going through her.
-Well, what'd you expect, Dummy? She obviously moved on with her life. Did you expect her to sit around, mooning for you? Pretty clear that she and Kira got something going. You know it was going to happen, why're you so surprised, anyway? I mean, they work together, thrown together a lot. And I guess Kira is kinda cute, in a too tall model thin drop dead gorgeous kind of way. Who wouldn't like that? Not like you haven't been dating. Why did you expect Faith to become a nun, huh?-
Willow walks over to the bed, and plops down on it, her otherwise sweet face creased with a frown. She bites her lower lip to keep it from trembling, and pounds her fists on the bed in anger.�- So, why does it so hurt to see that, anyway? I mean... shouldn't I be so over her by now? When does it stop hurting so damned much? Why am I so jealous? I hate this, I hate feeling like this!- Despite that, she feels the tears coming.- Why can she make me feel so damned bad?- Cursing herself and Faith, she nevertheless falls over onto her pillow, sobbing in pain.
Willow never wanted to break it off with Faith. That had been Faith's choice. She accepted it, because she didn't have a choice. That doesn't mean it makes it easier for her, and seeing her like this, with somebody else, really tears her up.- Why wouldn't she trust me? Why didn't she let me try to be there for her. I wanted to be there for her, but she shoved me away? Why? " I don't want to hurt you" Oh yeah, this doesn't hurt. Oh no, I'm dancing through the daffodils with puppies here. Yeah, sure. This is so great. I can't even get on with my life because you won't get out of my heart!!!! Damn you Faith whatever the hell your name is! Don't you know I'm crazy about you? No, you don't. You can't , or you wouldn't do this to me. Would you? Is this some kind of scheme to make me hurt. Well, good one, Faith. I'm hurting. I'm hurting real bad. You turn to some stranger for comfort, but not me. Oh no, not Red. No way. She's Buffy's friend. And we know how evil that is. You don't trust me, you never did. God, I'm so fucking blind. You never loved me, did you? Shit, shit, shit. You were just using me to get to Buffy. Well, it backfired real good, Faith. Because I love you, and ... aw, crap. What do you care, anyway? I hope you're happy, Faith. Cuz I'm miserable. I bet your laughing your ass off at me. Damn you to hell!
In her anger and grief, Willow almost doesn't hear the soft knock at her door. � Oh, fine, now what? Who the hell wants me at this time of night?- Getting up, wiping her face of tears, she goes to her door and opens it.
Faith is standing there, looking a little lost.
" Hey, Willow. I was wondering..."
" What do you want, Faith?" Willow says, harshly. She tries to hide the evidence of her crying.
Faith, however, notices it, and her expression turns to concern.
"What's wrong? You've been crying. Are you ok?" She starts to move into the room, but Willow puts up her hand.
" Stop right there. I haven't been crying, " Willow lies, " anyway, what biz is it of yours? What do you want?"
" Willow..." Faith starts, trying to figure out what's upsetting Willow so much. Again, she tries to come into the room, and again, Willow blocks her.
" I'm kinda tired Faith. So get to it, what do you want?" Willow says, coldly.
"Ok," Faith says, not getting Willow's mood, " Buffy's kinda... lost. I've been looking for her, but I can't find her anywhere...I was hoping maybe...well, you being big in the magicks, maybe you could do a spell or something to find her?"
" Buffy's lost?"
" Yeah, she took out after some vampires... some that attacked us... and she's still gone. Kinda worried. She's been a little... off ... afraid she might get into trouble, or something."
" You... Faith... you care about what happens to Buffy? This is new, " Willow says, not able to keep the edge of sarcasm out of her voice.
" Ok, I guess I've got that coming, " Faith says, her hackles rising, " but she is your friend. I thought you'd want to help find her."
Willow stares at her.- Why don't you get your girlfriend to help?- " Whatever," Willow sighs, " I got most of what I need for a locator spell. But I need a map of the area. Got one?"
" Yes," Faith is still trying to figure out Willow's mood. " In the office, I think." She doesn't move.
" Today would be good, " Willow says, again sarcasm coloring her voice.
Faith, not understanding why Willow is being so mean, is stung. She turns, and without another word, leaves the room.
Willow watches her leave, hands clenched. Her tears start to flow again, but she bites her lip hard to stop crying.
- Gotta do this. It's for Buffy. Just remember that. It's for Buffy.-
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
" Here"
Buffy follows Connor into the non-descript alley, and sees him kneeling by a spot. He's touching his fingers to the pavement, and looks up at Buffy, his expression unreadable.
" I don't understand, Connor. Why're we here?" Buffy moves closer to Connor, looking where he's touching. " What's here?"
" This is where I was born, " Connor says, quietly. " At least, that's what Dad told me."
"What?" Buffy looks around at the alley, her face puzzled. " You were born in an alley?"
" It was a rainy night, at least that's what Angel said, " Connor continues, " Fath... Holtz had just attacked Caritas, which is over there" Connor points to a wall close by. You can see that parts of it have been patched, " and Angel and my mother, and the rest, came out this way to escape. But Holtz was already here. My mother was in labor, and Angel laid her down here, to protect her... and me, I guess. She died here, giving me birth." He stares at the spot.
Buffy hunkers down by Connor, putting her hand on his shoulder. " I'm sorry, Connor. I didn't know."
" It doesn't matter, really. I just thought you might want to know, " Connor says, standing up. " My life started here, but it ... never was about this. Not really. I didn't know her..." Connor turns away. " I was raised in a hell dimension, you know?"

" I really don't know much about it," Buffy says, regretfully.- Just another part of Angel's life I didn't share.-
" Quortoth," Connor says, " that's why I'm not like... three years old, I guess. Time moves differently in hell dimensions. That's what they tell me, anyway."
" Yeah, I know about that one, " Buffy says, remembering her own trip to a hell dimension. She explains when Connor looks at her with a strange expression, " I was imprisoned in a hell dimension for awhile."
" When I came back here, I was 16 years old. It'd only been a few weeks on this side, " Connor says, " I came back not knowing what to do, what was real. All I knew was that I hated him. Angel. I thought he was to blame for everything. That's what Holtz told me. That Angel had killed his family, and drove us into that dimension, as some kind of torture. I didn't know any better. When I found a way out, I took it... and there I was, confronted with Angel. I tried to kill him, you know."
Buffy didn't know, and made a gesture indicating that.
" I was confused by him. Father... Holtz told me that Angel murdered his family, all of them, and that he was evil. But he didn't act evil. Not towards me, or what I saw him do. I couldn't get a handle on him. While I was trying to figure him out, Holtz died. Was killed. I thought it was Angel that did it. There were two puncture wounds in his neck... looked like a vampire bite to me. I thought Angel killed him, and I took revenge. I cornered Angel on the beach, fought him, and then entombed him in a capsule under the sea. He was there 3 months or so until Wesley found him, and brought him back."
Connor sees Buffy's expression, and flinches.
" I thought he was evil. Like Holtz said. I was punishing him..." he trails off. Buffy remains silent, tight lipped. " I guess you aren't very happy with me right now. There's more."
" Not so sure I'm wanting to hear it, " Buffy says, tightly, " Does it involve you trying to kill Angel?"
" Not really... not directly," Connor says. He as briefly as he can, explains what happened after. About his relationship with the 'returned' Cordelia, how they became lovers, and out of their union came Jasmine. How, before Jasmine was born, Angel gave up his soul, trying to discover what he knew about the Beast, who came and started general havoc in L.A. , which culminated in the loss of the sun. How they imprisoned Angel, and he escaped, and how Faith figured in bringing him back. It was suspected that the Beast was working for a higher power... they just didn't know whom. They found out.
Jasmine was born, fully grown, from Cordelia. She instantly had everyone in her thrall. She was considered a goddess, come to fix the wrongs of the world. She was universally adored and revered. Until somehow Fred broke the spell... and saw her for what she truly was. She freed the others, except Connor. And Angel finally brought about her downfall when he managed to break the mental spell Jasmine had on the people.
In the end, it was Connor that killed Jasmine. After her spell had been broken, he broke her neck, destroying her physical form. But he didn't do it out of anger or betrayal. He'd stopped believing in her before the spell was broken. He didn't believe in her, or anything anymore.
" It was the lowest point in my life. I didn't believe in anything, or anybody anymore. Everything I'd invested my trust into had betrayed me. I just wanted to run, to kill or die. I didn't care anymore"
Buffy looks at him with empathy. She knows what he went through. She walks over, and puts her hand on his shoulder, looking directly in his eyes. She sees a sense of self awareness and self acceptance she envies. What Connors sees in her eyes disturbs him. It's the same look he saw in the mirror too many times in the past.
" Then he did something for me I can never repay, " Connor says quietly, " he gave me up. He made a deal with the devil, or Wolfram and Hart, to take over their L.A. offices, effectively ending the war between them. In exchange, they used their mystics to bend time, to change things so I never was Angel's son. Or at least, I never knew I was his son. No one did... except, I found out later, himself. Someone had to remember how things were. That was part of the deal. He remembered me, but couldn�t see me. Or speak with me, or be with me. The Riley's became my parents. They still believe they're my parents. It wasn't until Cyvus Vail wanted to eliminate old enemies, Sahjhan to be specific, that things changed. It was prophesied that I would kill Sahjhan, and the old demon wizard kidnapped my parents to force me to do it. Angel trained me again, but I wasn't skilled enough to fight Sahjhan... not until Wesley broke the Orlon Window, and my skills at fighting returned to me. My skills, and my memories..." he pauses briefly, the dichotomy in his head making this part most difficult. " Thing was, I retained both sets of memories, the new ones, the ones manufactured by Cyvus, most real. Do you get that? I remembered my other life, too, but it wasn't as ... hurtful as before. They seemed more like a bad dream, rather than real. I knew Angel was my father, and I learned from Wesley what he'd done. But it didn't consume me like before. I knew I had my own destiny now. Do you get that?"
" Not all of it, not all the oogly-boogly stuff. But yeah, I get the gist of it, " Buffy says, pensively." He loved you very much. He gave up any claim to you, so you could have a normal, happy life."
" He wanted me to live, Buffy. To have my own life. I think that's what it was all about, " Connor looks at her intently, " The day before he died, I asked him his greatest regret. He said his greatest regret was that he never could give you the life he wanted you to have. He loved you very much too, Buffy."
Buffy stands silent, biting her lip. Her eyes are shiny with tears. She's doing her best not to cry.
" I know you think I'm just a kid, Buffy. But even I know you have to find peace with yourself. Find your purpose and go for it. Otherwise, you're going to be miserable."
" You're pretty smart for a kid, " Buffy says, smiling through her tears. " We better get you home before your parents sic the police on me."
Taking his hand, they walk, hand in hand, out of the dark alley into the lighted street.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
" That can't be right. Do it again!"
" Faith, I've done the spell four times. It's always the same. This is where she's at." Willow, already upset by the night's events, and what she saw downstairs a little earlier, isn't in the mood to be questioned.
" But that puts her right here... in the hotel. That can't be right, " Faith is adamant. " She went missing hours ago. No one saw her come in. She's not here. Your spell is wonky."
" My spell is so not wonky, " Willow retorts, angrily, " You're being a stupid, stubborn jackass, Faith. Have you even checked to see if she might be here? Checked her room? Checked the garden? There's like a hundred places she could be hiding out around here. My spell isn't the wonky thing around here!"
" Well, geeze, you don't need to get so pissy about it..." Faith sounds wounded, and is pouting just a little bit.
" I don't need to..." Willow chokes off her anger, her voice going calm , " ... you come up here, asking for my help to find Buffy. Even though you've been avoiding me the entire time I've been here. You haven't said 10 words to me before tonight. Fine. But when I help you, I locate Buffy for you, you tell me I'm doing it wrong. I'm NOT doing it wrong, Faith. Buffy is in this hotel, somewhere, and if you quit being an ass and look for her, you'll find her. Now... get out of my room."
" Gee, Red, don't sugar coat it, " Faith says sarcastically, her irritation rising, " just say what you think, ok?"
" You don't want to know what I think, " Willow mutters, " Just go, ok?"
" No, I won't go. Not until you tell me what your thinking" Faith crosses her arms. She's not moving.
Willow feels the flush creeping up her neck. � Don't do this, just let it go. You'll be gone in a day or so, so just let it go... don't do this!- But Willow's had too much tonight. Between the fight, and the thing downstairs, and Faith virtually ignoring her since she got here, and with Jana and all the rest, she's hit a wall. She turns, her face flushed in anger.
" Fine, you want to know what I think? I'll tell you what I think. I think you're the biggest coward I ever met, Faith Demarco or Delano or whatEVER THE HELL YOUR NAME IS THIS WEEK!"
Faith's face tightens, her anger swelling inside." Lehane. My name's Lehane, " Faith mutters.
"Whatever," Willow turns away, and starts to pace. " You walk around here all cocky and bold and like nothing fazes you, like you own the place..."

" I do own the place."
" Will you shut up and listen? ... yet, when it comes to anything beneath the skin, the stuff that matters? You run like your butt's on fire. You can't deal with someone who may care about you, it scares you silly. So you run away. That's your grand plan, Faith. If things get rough, run like hell."
" That's not true, " Faith says firmly and quietly.
" ' That's not true' , " Willow mocks, " You can't deal, Faith. If anyone gets too close to you, you shove them away. I know for a fact that's true, Faith."
" You know why I left... " Faith starts, but Willow's out of patience with her.
" Did you even give me a chance, Faith? Did you even try to include me in the decision? No, you just left because, and I quote, " I might lose control and hurt you." Willow turns back to Faith, her eyes black, " I'm not some weak kitten, Faith. I'm not defenseless." She utters a word, and gestures, and suddenly Faith finds herself pinned to the ceiling. Willow looks up at her, frowning, " I can take care of myself, Faith. Trust me. I could tear you to pieces, if I wanted to. Want me to show you how?"
Faith feels her heart beating fast in her chest. " N-N- No" She whispers.
Willow makes a gesture, like she's going to let Faith drop from the ceiling. But she just floats her down, back on her feet. She gives Faith the once over, and shakes her head.
" I know what it's like to be out of control, Faith. I know as much as you do, " Willow says, her eyes returning to normal, her voice quiet, but firm." You think the power I have doesn�t scare me? That I'm not afraid of losing myself to it, doing something incredibly bad? I know what it's like Faith, having something dark and terrible inside. I know, and I deal with it. Every day. So, you're noble sacrifice? Just doesn't wash. That's not what you're afraid of, Faith, not at all. Good excuse, if I were an idiot. But I'm not, and I'm tired of you insulting my intelligence." Willow turns her back on Faith. " Get out."
" How does that make me a coward, Red? Not making too much sense here..."
" I never thought you were an idiot, Faith, but now I'm beginning to wonder, " Willow turns around, " Do you really think I'm THAT stupid? That I bought your excuse that night? Remember what I told you? ' Don't make me your excuse.' Remember? I guess not. Well, Faith whoeverthehellyouare, here's the deal. I'll keep it really simple, so you can get it. You can't deal with someone loving you. You're afraid everybody's gonna leave you, throw you away. I'm sorry you had such a crappy life, but honey, you never EVEN gave me a chance to be different. You didn't let me in, you didn't let me try to help. You kept me apart. Fine. But don't think I'm gonna take it when you use me as a reason to break up with me. THAT MAKES YOU A COWARD , FAITH!!! DO YOU GET IT NOW?"
Faith is stunned by Willow's vehemence. She stands silently, tight lipped.
Willow squeezes her eyes shut, as if looking at Faith hurts too much. " I'm tired, I want to sleep. I told you where Buffy is. Now go, please, just go."
" Red... Willow...I'm sorry..."
" Too late for sorry, Faith. Way too late." Willow, still not looking at Faith, gestures her hand. Faith finds herself gently but irresistibly pushed out the door, which then slams in her face. She stares at the door for what seems to her like forever, but is really less than a minute. Then she turns, and her body slumped, walks away.
Willow, her strength to hold back the tears gone, throws herself on the bed, and cries. She clutches at the bedclothes, trying to find some way to hide from her pain. But it's no good; she can feel her heart breaking all over again.
She vows to herself this is the last time.
She'll never let Faith hurt her like this again.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Buffy sits in her room, the only light a nightlight close at hand. She's lying in bed, half clothed, her only companion a half empty bottle of scotch. She grabs the bottle, tilting it up and taking a pull off it. She puts it down, and makes a face, her tongue out, making a disgusted noise. She's more than plastered. She's approaching blotto.
- God, there's gotta be an easier way to get drunk,-she thinks, as she takes another pull, the taste disgusting her. �What did mom use to drink? Oh yeah... peppermint Schnapps. Maybe that'd be better.- She grimaces at the bottle, but takes another pull anyway.- Naw... too wussy.- She giggles. � Oh, oh, Slayer, better be careful. You almost said a bad word back there. Wussy. Hee hee hee .- Buffy takes another pull on the bottle, then sets it back on the nightstand... almost missing and dropping it. � Shit. Almost lost it. God, you're drunk, Buffy. No, I'm not... I can still think, so I'm so not drunk! Not drunk enough, anyway!- Buffy leans back in the bed, and stares at the ceiling. � God, even a kid's got it so much more together than I do. How fucking fair is that? Hmmm ... wonder how fair he is at fucking? He is kinda cute... oh, God, Buffy, that's disgusting on so many levels, I wanna puke! You're disgusting, Buffy, and disgustingly drunk. I'm cutting you off! Right after this drink. Now, don't argue with me, you've had too much already. No, no, I'm firm about this! After this drink? You're so cut off. No, no, no don't beg. Won't do any good!- Buffy grabs the bottle, and drinks, spilling some of it on herself. - Aw, shit, you're a slob Buffy. Disgusting, and a slob. A disgusting slob! I mean, really, do you reeeaaallly want him after where he's been? I mean, really? Cordelia? Ewww times one thousand! Not enough booze in the world to make that palat... palata...crap, make that ok. Never mind he's Angel's son. More Ewww. That's it, right after this drink, you're cut off. Even thinking like that is totally gross.- Buffy takes another drink, and slams the bottle back down on the table.
- Well, you sure tole it, didn't you, Buffy ole girl? Who says you're a waste of space, huh? Tough as nails, that's you, slayer! You betcha. I think that calls for another drink, don't you? Right! Buffy picks up the bottle, and takes another drink.- Gaaah!!! That's stuff's disgusting! How's Giles stand it, anyway? Gaaah.- Buffy shivers. � You're drunk slayer. I'm not drunk! You so are drunk, you disgusting slobby drunk. You smell bad, too! Know what else? You're horny. You're drunk, you're a slob, and you're horny. Hey...when did you change into a guy, huh?- Buffy giggles.- God, I can't remember when I had sex last. What the fuck was sex again? Oh, yeah, that's when you fuck the what, right?- More giggles.- Aw, fuck that, slayer. Who'd want a slobby, disgusting smelly drunk like you, anyway? Whaz wrong, slayer? Feelin' sorry for yourself? Time for Pity Party, Buffy style? Well , less have another drinkie then , don't ya think?- Buffy picks up the bottle, and takes another pull. - Aw, now look, almost gone. Thaz no good! Knew I shoulda snagged another bottle from downstairs. Gonna have to go get refills, I guess. Right, refills. Got it. Right after this drink. - She upends the bottle and drains it.- Ya know? That stuff don't taste so bad once you get used to it! Ok, Buffy. Up we go, time to get reinforcements.- She giggles hysterically. -Reinforcements my ass. Refills. Hmmm... wait... maybe my ass needs reinforcements. Getting a bit lumpy, I thinks. Gotta start doin' more workouts, ya know?- Buffy tries to lift herself off the bed, then falls back. -Wheee... look at the room go! Shit, that's no good. Can't get up if the rooms all gonna be spinney and stuff. What kinda joint is this? With rooms that spin? A circus? A carnival? Shit O'Leary, didn't want to go to no carnival. Hate 'em. Yeah, that's it. Hate 'em. Buffy wants a drink, not a ring toss! Ok once again. Upsy dupsy! - Buffy makes another attempt, and actually gets sitting up... but grips tightly to the edges of the bed. -Man, ok, just gonna sit her til the room stops twirling...

At that moment, the light in Buffy's room snaps on. She cries out, startled, and covers her eyes with her hand.
"Whattafuck you doin'? Turn out the lights, " she slurs, trying to block the harsh light from her eyes.
"Where the hell have you been?" A very pissed off Faith asks her, seeing her sitting on the bed.- Oh, fucking swell. Red was right after all. She's been here who knows how long, and I've been going crazy worrying about her. What a waste of time!- " You've had us half crazy with worry. And where's Connor?"
" Connor? Connor... I know that name, give me a sec here... Connor, " Buffy muses seriously, then giggles, " Oh yeah, Angel's son. Cute kid. Got him home... took him home. Kinda cute, you know? Wonder what he's like in the sack...? Oh, shit, did I say that out loud?" Buffy giggles, weaving a little.
Faith looks at her intently, and then sees the empty bottle on the floor. " You're drunk!"
"So not drunk, " Buffy slurs convincingly, " I... I been out doin' the slayer duty thing. Keepin' the world safe from the baddies. Broke in and broke up a ring of evil manne... manne ... ah, shit, dummies. Killed em all I did!" Buffy giggles. " Aren't ya proud of me? Made the world safe from dummies!" Buffy lurches left, then right. " Hey, no fair, hold still!" She squeezes her eyes shut. " God, can this room stop spinning, already? Don't feel so good."
" Crap. How much did you have to drink?" Faith rushes over to Buffy, picking up the bottle , " Did you drink all of this?" She holds it in Buffy's face.
Buffy opens her eyes, which are slightly crossed, and looks at the bottle, " Hell, no, I only drank one. I didn't drink the other one, honest, your honor!" She giggles, then make an 'urpping' noise. Her face blanches.
" Oh, man, " Faith says, putting her arm around Buffy's waist. " Don't hurl, Buffy. Please, don't hurl... not til we..."
But it's beyond too late. Buffy lurches over, and the content of her stomach hits the floor. Faith, tired, upset and angry, almost hurls just smelling it. She holds on, and rushes Buffy into the bathroom before she can toss her cookies again. Buffy leans over the toilet, and Faith holds her head as more of the scotch comes back up the way it went down. Buffy chokes, then vomits again, Faith quietly holding her, trying to keep the spew in the toilet. She feels her own stomach rebelling at the stench.- That'd be just lovely, me hurling on top of Buffy. Right now, thinking she deserves it! Damn her, never mind worrying me to death, she managed to get me and Red fighting again.- Realizing Buffy seems to be done vomiting, she lifts her, and struggling a bit, starts to strip off her clothing.
" Hey... hey. Whatcha doin? Getting a little personal, aren't we?" Buffy giggles, " you trying to seduce me, Faith? Gee, didn't know you cared. It's alright, ya know. You're really kinda cute... and I'm really kinda horny."
" Yeah, and really kinda drunk, B." Faith makes a disgusted face. She pushes Buffy towards the shower.
"What're you doin', Faithy Waithy? Oooo... faithy waithy" Buffy giggles, " you're so cute!"
" And you smell like a brewery. In you go!" Faith , not too gently, pushes Buffy into the shower.
"Yeah, kinda stinky, I guess, " Buffy slurs agreeably. She grins, "Wanna join me? Could be fun!"
Faith just rolls her eyes, and holding Buffy up, reaches over and turns on the cold tap...full blast.
"WHATTDAFUCKYOUDOING!" Buffy yells as the cold water hits her" SHITSHITSHITSHITSHIT!!!"
Faith, getting soaked , hold Buffy up as the needle like spray washes over her. Buffy is cursing up a storm, and struggling with her. Faith holds her arms, and presses her to the wall, letting the spray wash over both of them, but mostly trying to let it wash over Buffy.
" Lemme go , dammit Faith lemme go. Shit it hurts, stop it you fucking bitch let me go. I'm so gonna deck you , you fucking whore let me go dammit lemme go!" She flails at Faith, who manages to duck her blows.
" Shut up, Buffy" Faith growls, already pissed to the max.
"What the hell is going on in here?" Willow is standing in the bathroom doorway, hands on hips.
-Oh, fuck, just what I need. Another country heard from!-
" She's tryin' to kill me, Will.. help!" Buffy cries, trying to beat on Faith.
" She's drunk, Red. Didn't ya notice the empty bottle and steaming pile of puke when you walked in? She drank a whole bottle of scotch, and I'm trying to sober her up enough so she doesn't choke on her own puke!" Faith is struggling to keep the drunken Buffy contained under the shower.
" She's lyin', Will. She's trying to drown me!" Buffy screams, " let me go, you fucking bitch!"
" Faith, that's enough. Let her go" Willow says quietly.
" Red, you back off. I got this handled. Go back to bed."
" She's my friend, Faith. I'll take care of her, " Willow says, making a small hand gesture. Faith is pushed slightly back, but slips on water spilled over from the shower, and falls hard on her butt. She yelps, and then glares at Willow.
" I had this in control until you came in!" Faith mutters, standing up and rubbing her butt.
" Yeah you did. That's why she's screaming, scared to death, huh?" Willow says, going over and covering Buffy with a towel. She starts to dry Buffy off.
" She was drunk outta her mind. She didn't like the cold water, " Faith mutters, " and she's more than a little spoiled, to boot."
" Just go. I'll take care of this, " Willow says, helping Buffy towards the bed.
Faith has had it. - They deserve each other � She thinks, as she leaves the bathroom.
" Screw you, " Faith says, angry, " screw you both." She storms out, slamming the door after her.
Willow sits Buffy on the bed, who, after her rather icy shower, is wide awake, and beginning to shake the effects of the scotch. She's leaning over, clutching her head.
" Ooooo crap, what'd I do now?" she moans, the beginnings of a hangover hitting her.
" You mean, other than get drunk, puke on the carpeting, and accuse Faith of trying to murder you? Not much, dummy!" Willow says, plainly irritated with her friend. And herself, for giving Faith more grief this evening. -Why'd I attack her, anyway? She was just trying to help Buffy. A little more than petty, don't you think, Will? Really stupid, don't you think... like on a mega scale?-

" I so screwed up, " Buffy moans, contritely, " Where's Faith? I know she was here... she tried to help me... is she mad at me?"
" She left. I think she's pretty mad at both of us, " Willow says. " Get some sleep, we'll talk about this in the morning."
" I'm sorry, Will, " Buffy says, " god, Faith is so gonna kick my ass in the morning, I know it. I screwed up badly here."
" Shhh. Don't you get upset. She'll chill out," Willow reassures her. -At least, she'll chill out with you.-
" Mad at you?" That part finally sinks into Buffy's fogged out mind, " Why should she be mad at you? She loves you!"
" I don't think so, Buffy," Willow stands up, " Get some sleep, we'll talk tomorrow."
" No... no, you don't get it Will ! She's.. she's nuts about you. God, she's like carrying a torch the size of... I dunno, but it's really big, you know?"
" Buffy, don't be a dope, ok? You've had way too much to drink. Whatever Faith and I had ... that's way over. You'll remember that in the morning, when your sober."
" 'K, admit I'm drunk, Will, but not that drunk. She's ... god, ever since you were due to arrive, she's been like a cat in the dog pound. She's been so scared she'd screw things up. With you, I mean. She's been all... shit, she's all broken up over you, still ,Willow. Don't you know that?"
Willow smiles down at Buffy, " You're sweet, Buffy. Drunk, but sweet. Me and Faith, we're over, ok? Quit playing cupid," Willow says, tightly, " anyway, I think Faith's moved on."
"What're you talking about?" Buffy asks.
" She likes that what... model-cum-assistant of hers? What's her name?"
"Kira? Tall, skinny, really intense eyes? Kira? Is that who you mean?"
" Yeah, I guess so. Anyway, I saw them downstairs tonight. They looked pretty chummy..."
" Well, of course they're chummy, you moron. They�re friends. Like you and me are friends. Shit, girl, we've palled around like forever. Doesn't mean we're googly for each other. They're just like that. They're just buds, is all."
" I think you're seeing what you want to see, Buffy, you goof. I know you want me to be happy, but let's face facts. Faith's moved on, and it's time I did too."
" Know what I think? I think you're seeing things with green eyes... I mean, you're jealous!"
"Well, that's stupid, Buffy. You gotta care to be jealous, you know."
" Oh, I see... and you don't care about Faith, is that it?"
" Well... yeah!"
" Liar!"
" You're bent, Buffy, and drunk. You don't know anything about it. I don't care about Faith, not a whit."
" Then why're your ears red, Willow?"
"What? What're you talking about?" Willow claps her hands over her ears.
" God, Will, you've never been a good liar, and you're ears always give you away. They turn red when you lie. You know that. " Buffy shakes her head, " I told ya I wasn't that drunk," Buffy mutters.
" Ok, suppose , just suppose, cuz I'm not admitting anything, but just pretend you're right, ok? So what? Faith doesn't want me. That's pretty damned clear, you know?" Willow flushes," she dumped me, Buffy, not the other way 'round. Do you know how much that hurt?"
" I gotcha. So, because Faith was a dope, you're gonna be one, too?"
" Buffy, it's not that easy..."
" I'm sorry, and god, I never ever wanted to sound like Xander, but it IS that easy, Will. So Faith is a moron when it comes to the love stuff, " Buffy pauses, and rolls her eyes, " God, we're all morons when it comes to the love stuff, if you wanna be honest here. But does that make her feelings any less real? Or yours, for that matter?" Buffy groans.
"What? What's wrong?" Willow asks, looking concerned.
" I think I'm sobering up... and it really, really hurts." Buffy groans again." Never ever let me drink again, promise?"
" Buffy, you need to sleep. We'll talk in the morning, ok?" Willow starts to move away, but her arm is grabbed by an amazingly strong hand. " Buffy? Let me go, please!"
" No way, Will. Don't make me chase you, not with my head feeling like a balloon ready to pop. Sit you're butt down, we're not done here! "
" Buffy..."
" SIT!"
Willow sits.
" Ok, and god, here I am, channeling Xander again, but you love her, and she loves you, and love is hard, and messy. God, do I know that one. Look how I messed up everyone I loved, huh? Anyway, oh and thank you for bringing me back to sober-land," Buffy grabs her head again, moaning, " anyway, if she's not the one you want to be with, if she's not the one that makes your heart go crazy when you enter a room, if she's just the one you were getting over Tara with? Ok, not over, but getting on with life without Tara with... I know that makes sense in some universe... then, yeah, cut it off, and let her go, and yes, get on with your life. I hate seeing you hurt, Will O Mine. So if it's not her, let her go, and you go on, too. But if she's the one, the one you want... then don't, please, don't pull a Buffy, ok?" Buffy pats Will's hand, and lets her go, " I kinda want to see you happy, Will, you know?"
- Aw crap, more tears.- Willow wipes surreptitiously at her eyes, trying to hide it from Buffy.
" Did I mention I kinda love you?" Willow asks, her voice betraying her when it cracks, just a little.
" You did now, but I kinda beat you by a few years," Buffy grins. Willow goes to hug her, but Buffy puts up her hands. " No... please, no hugs. I'm kinda feeling crappy again, and not wanting to ralf on you." Buffy lays down, and sliding under the covers, rolls onto her side, " thinking I'm gonna sleep now." almost as soon as her head hits the pillow, Buffy is gently snoring.
Willow sits and watches Buffy sleep for awhile. She smoothes out the sleeping girl's hair, and smiles sadly at her. -That's my Buffy. Sweet, not too bright. I wish it were as easy as you make it out to be, sweetie. I really do.- She stands up , and leans over, kissing Buffy on the cheek. She turns out the light, and makes her way to the door. She looks back at Buffy one last time, and a sad smile comes on her face.
- God, Buffy, I hope you find some happiness, too. I think you really need it. �
She slips out the door, closing it quietly behind her.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
To be continued.
- 16
- 17
- 18
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Independence