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Right before your eyes	By : darkangel985 Category: Angel the Series > Slash - Male/Male Views: 2675 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Angel: The Series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 16
- 17
- 18
I know I'm torturing
you with the lack of updates, but my Internet
connection is currently down and I can only publish while I'm at my
parent's place.

Chapter 17 - ...and misery

If
it had been possible, Wes would have had steam coming out of his ears
the whole time Gunn talked to his friends. He simply couldn't believe
it. Gunn had promised him that he would tell his friends, his family
as he called them, about their relationship
and now he had called Wes nothing but a work colleague.

Maybe
he would have understood if his lover hadn't be ready to tell his
friends about them and had called him a friend. But he hadn't even
gotten that title. He was somebody Gunn worked with. Like
Angel and Cordy, about whom he had told them the same thing.

The
whole time Gunn had urged him to tell his father the truth, to not
hide behind a lie. But who was the one hiding now? Wesley could
remember all the times his lover had called him a coward, because he
had said that he was afraid of telling his family about them. Who was
the coward now?

But
Wes, being the well-mannered Englishman he was raised to be, didn't
yell at his lover while he still talked to his friends. No. He
reigned in his anger, letting it build with every word that Gunn
said. And when they were finished with talking and finally went on
their merry way again he waited for them to get out of earshot,
although he was seething inside. But when Gunn asked him if
everything was ok he finally exploded.

“OK? YOU WANT TO KNOW IF
EVERYTHING IS OK? SURE, EVERYTHING IS JUST FUCKING FINE!”

Gunn
flinched at his outburst, his rare use of swearword adding to the
force of what he said. Raising his hands in the air Gunn tried to
placate his lover: “Whoa, whoa, Wes. Try to calm down, man.
You...”

“Don't you dare Wes me. I'm
sick of this shit. The whole time you keep telling me that I'm a
coward for not telling my family and now you call me nothing but a
work colleague.” The astonished look on Gunn's face did nothing
to calm his anger, obviously it hadn't even occurred
to his lover what he had done wrong.

Trying
to put his arms around Wes Gunn spoke: “I'm sorry. I just can't
tell them. This is something completely different from your family.
And it wasn't like they meant much to you anyway.” His rage
flaring up another notch the Englishman pushed his lover away, once
again starting to yell.

“OH, SO BECAUSE YOUR FRIENDS
MEAN SOMETHING TO YOU, IT'S OK. IF THEY ARE SO IMPORTANT TO YOU, WHY
DON'T YOU GO AFTER THEM, BECAUSE THERE IS NO NEED TO COME AFTER ME!”
Wes took a few steps in the direction they had come from, before
continuing a little calmer. “I'm through with this. I won't be
treated as your little dirty secret. I've had enough of this all my
life.”

And
with these words Wes finally turned around, storming back to his
bike. It hurt to leave Gunn behind, but being denoted by his lover
had hurt just as much. It needed to stop. He needed to stop being the
idiot in his relationships, the little dirty secret his lovers only
admitted to while they were in private. He was really sick of it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~+~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gunn
stared at Wes' retreating back, while his mind screamed at him what
the hell he was doing. He was letting the love of his life walk away
from him, because he hadn't dared to tell his friends about them.

Maybe
he would have gone after his now obviously ex-lover, but sometimes
Gunn was too proud for his own good. Wes had overreacted. It wasn't
like he had actively denied their relationship when he was asked and
their friends knew about them.

He
ignored the little voice in the back of his mind, that insisted that
he had still lied and that it was his fault that Wes had left. The
voice was wrong and he wouldn't be going after his lover. Wesley had
overreacted and it would be him who would need to come back and
apologize. Stubbornly clinging to his pride Gunn walked in the
direction of his home, forcing down the feeling of loss that tried to
settle in his heart.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~+~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wes
sat at his desk, staring off into space. Three days had passed since
he had broken up with his lover. Three days that had passed him in a
daze that hadn't even been broken by demons or his friends. Sure they
had gone out to fight evil, but Wesley hadn't really paid attention,
absentmindedly shooting arrows at the demons and almost dusting Angel
in the process.

He
stubbornly ignored the worried looks his friends shot him, trying to
concentrate on one demonology book or another, whenever they looked
at him. Not that he remembered anything he read. The only thing he
could thing about was Gunn.

His
lover had taken over every bit of his thoughts, barely leaving him
two or three hours of sleep at night, while he was assaulted with
nightmares and erotic dreams about him. It was torture, even worse
than thinking that he could never have Gunn, because he now knew what
the other man felt like.

He
missed Gunn, there was no denying it. He missed the feeling of his
lover's velvety skin under his fingers, the taste of his mouth, the
feeling of thrusting into the tight heat of his body and the feeling
of being filled and stretched by his cock.

But
he refused to give in, no matter how much it hurt. He refused to give
in, because if he now went back to his lover nothing would ever
change. The other man still wouldn't deem it necessary to tell his
friends about their relationship and he would still be the dirty
secret he had sworn himself to never become again. It was simply a
matter of pride.

Maybe
if Gunn had come to the office he would have caved and begged him to
come back, but Gunn hadn't been there since three days ago. Since
three days his desk was abandoned, a few unsorted files still resting
there, a constant focus for Wes' staring eyes.

He
was unawares of Cordy looking at him and shaking her head, before she
grabbed her purse and headed out of the door, determination spread
over her features.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~+~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The
loud beat hammered in Gunn's ears, barely distracting him from the
headache that stubbornly pounded in his head. The headache that had
barely left him the last couple of days. How long was it now, that
Wes had left him?

He
had no idea. Time didn't have a meaning at the moment, since every
second he spend without Wes felt like a month to him. His thoughts
were desperately circling around the one subject that now ruled his
life. Wesley, his love and his stupidy.

Gunn
didn't know why he didn't simply go back to his lover and tell him
that he was sorry, because he really wanted to do so. His heart was
aching for the stuffy, white Englishman, for the closeness and love
they had shared during the time they had
been together.

He
would never admit it to anybody, but he not only missed Wes, but also
Cordy and Angel to a certain extent. It was true that his old gang
had taken him back with open arm and had also accepted him as leader
again, but somehow he just didn't fit in with them anymore. He hadn't
even known that it had happened but Wes had changed him, changed his
view of demons. Whenever they went out to slay the monster of the day
he remembered bits and pieces Wes had told him about that kind of
demon.

And
it was distracting him. His shoulder was aching slightly, because he
had been too lost in thoughts of Wes to duck away from demon claws in
time. He knew all too well that this kind of behavior could get him
killed, but he couldn't help thinking about his former lover. About
what he was doing at that moment and
whether or not Wes missed him too.

All
in all it was a shitty situation, but still not bad enough to get him
over his dumb pride. Even his friends seemed to catch up on his
bleary mood, constantly asking him if he was ok. But he usually
dismissed them with a quick one-word-answer, just wanting to be left
alone.

It
was barely ten, when Ann decided that the party the youth shelter had
had to celebrate a huge donation, was over. As soon as she had
announced the end Gunn was already out of the door, glad that he was
finally free to go. He needed time to think, to clear his mind from
thoughts of Wesley that constantly haunted him.

Gunn
had only gone a few meters, when a hand
grabbed his arm and a quick, but still painful
slap was delivered to his cheek.

TBC...
- 16
- 17
- 18
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Right before your eyes