ONE NORMAL LIFE / TWO EXTRAORDINARY LIVES
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BtVS AU/AR › Het - Male/Female › Buffy/Spike(William)
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
210
Views:
11,875
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Category:
BtVS AU/AR › Het - Male/Female › Buffy/Spike(William)
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
210
Views:
11,875
Reviews:
182
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
WITH OR WITHOUT YOU
CHAPTER 156 - WITH OR WITHOUT YOU
JULIAN
SEPTEMBER 2, 2009
MONDAY
3:00AM
William sat alone up in the annex. By candlelight and by the light of the stars that shone in from the skylight, he looked at the sketches he'd made of Dru,el, el, and Darla all those years ago, trying to reconcile the knowledge that they had been his family for decades. They had been his murderous companions, partners, and paramour, in unspeakable monstrosity.
When he couldn't stand to look at their images anymore, he took out the drawings he'd made of Elizabeth, from the first time she'd said he brought her here. His heart ached as he looked at the beautiful images of her, some with her wearing nothing but the lovebird nece. ce. All the while, the real woman was alone, sleeping by herself, and William was left to feel like a voyeur in someone else's life.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
7:00am
Buffy applied the finishing touches to her makeup, then went into the kitchen. As she was pouring herself a cup of coffee, she heard the water running in the bathroom. Walking over to the kitchen doorway, she looked back expectantly towards the living room, and to William's bedroom door.
For some reason, she'd thought maybe this morning he would've gotten up to see her off, this being her first day back to work. She'd half expected him to bring her a cup of coffee while she was in the bathroom like he used to, as part of their morning routine.
"Guess not," she said, sighing, and went back into the kitchen to get ready to leave
.
"See you later, William," she whispered, as she let herself out the back door.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SEPTEMBER 13, 2009
SATURDAY
9:00AM
For the past couple of weeks, William had taken to sleeping all day, sometimes only waking after she’d already had dinner. Usually, after she’d settled down to grade the day’s school papers, he would awaken, and disheveled, make his way into the kitchen to eat whatever leftovers she’d saved for him.
Communication was down to a bare minimum, only an acknowlegement of passing each other in the same room, or a one to two word answer to a question.
Earlier in the week, she’d been asked again by Mrs. Carpello, as to if William might possibly do some work around the school. She’d lied and told her that he was too busy with his own school work, and work, and that he sent his apologies. She didn’t think that Mrs. Carpello believed her.
What else could she tell her; that William right now had no interest in anything or anybody?
Right before Labor Day, she’d received a phone call from Dr. Wittman, who’d gotten her number from William’s employment sheet. He’d wanted to talk to William about coming back to work, but when she’d tried to give him the phone, he shook his head. She’d insisted, putting it into his hand, "Talk to him," she’d hissed. She’d left the room, but had managed to hear him tell Dr. Wittman, that he was sorry, but that he wouldn’t be going back to school, or to work for him.
"What are you going to do with yourself?" she’d asked him, walking back into the room.
He shrugged, looking up at her, "I don’t know. What do other former vampires, turned back into men in another century do with themselves?"
"I don’t know, never knew any other ones. Maybe they just sit around feeling sorry for themselves," she’d yelled, "or they can get the hell on with their lives!"
She waited to hear him throw something, yell at her, anything. Anything would’ve been better than him just doing nothing, but he hadn’t. Just sat there like before.
Buffy had wanted to scream at him, shake him until his head rattled, throw her arms around him, and make him see what he was doing to himself, but instead, she had just left the room. He had already left it, so it would appear.
There had also been a recent voice mail message from Edna, who was wondering when she was going to see her ‘favorite couple’ again. It hurt her to hear Edna’s voice, and to remember how connected their lives were to hers.
Buffy didn’t call her back.
She had stopped by a few times to see Clem on her way home, but there was an awkwardness between them now, which had never been there before. Buffy could tell that Clem still smarted from William’s rejection of him, but still offered his help, if she ever needed him. She’d thanked him, and on another day brought him over some baked goods from Dudley’s as a sort of peace offering, which he’d accepted gratefully. Still, the spontaneity of just being able to call or stop by whenever either chose to was gone, and the relationship felt strained.
Buffy soon stopped dropping by, thinking it would just be a painful reminder to him, of what he had lost, too.
Then there were the calls from Willow, and Dawn, and even Xander. Xander had tried to convince her to let him talk to William, but he had been sleeping when he’d called, and she didn’t want to wake him up. She also didn’t want to fight with William to try to get him to take the phone, and have Xander hear that.
She just started to let the voice mail pick up everything.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
But by far, the weekends were the hardest for Buffy to take.
When she’d lived in the house for the previous five years, being alone is something that she’d gotten used to, hadn’t even minded, after a while. The house had been Spike’s, as she had been, and her living here had fit, helped her heal. And here, she could talk to Spike still. She’d still felt his love in this house.
But now she’d never felt so lonely as being here with him; just mere feet away, yet he might as well have been on the other side of the world.. It was like living in a morgue, an emotional one in any case. Now there was this disjointed, quality about their lives, which made it seem like he’d been more alive to her when he’d been dead.
She used to love to spend the weekends at home with him, but now being there felt like Chinese water torture...a bit of her dying, bit by bit.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
William couldn’t sleep with her, nor sleep at night in the other bed without her, and so he wandered through the house at night, keeping some sort of watch over her. He would sometimes stand by her door, his ear pressed up against it, just so he could listen to the sounds of her breathing. In want and need, his body and soul would ache for her, to be able to take her in his arms, kiss her, make love to her, as he stood just feet away. But he couldn’t. He didn’t deserve her.
It was only as morning approached that William would feel at ease enough to lie down. There would be no more creatures of the night to worry about for now, no more sounds that set his skin crawling, no more things that went bump in the night. So, he would pretend to be asleep, as he listened to Elizabeth awaken, take her shower, and get ready for school. Finally, after hearing her car leave, he would try to sleep. Though, that was at best, hit or miss.
Often, htosstoss and turn until finally, he’d get up, and cross through their adjoining bathroom, into ‘her’ bedroom. Lying down in ‘his’ spot; he’d set the second alarm so it would awaken him before she got home. Then, hugging her pillows, comforted by her smell, he would finally sleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SEPTEMBER 22, 2009
MONDAY
2:00AM
Buffy tossed and turned, as the same old dream returned to haunt her once more.
"No, you've done enough Spike, you can still..." she said, desperately looking for a way to spare him this fate.
He shook his head, "No, you beat 'em back, it's for me to do the cleanup."
She heard the explosive sounds as the walls of The Hellmouth started to crumble around her. Reaching out to Spike, she entwined her fingers with his for a last time.
Buffy awoke, heart pounding to the sound of a loud crash from above.
She slipped out of bed, and walked through the bathroom into William's room. His bed was empty, but the closet door leading to the annex was open. Looking up the stairs, she could see a faint light coming from above. Quietly, she climbed the stairs.
William was bent over, picking up old tubes of paints and charcoal, which had fallen out of a carton which had been stored up there for years. Also, scattered around him, and lying open were the sketchbooks, containing the drawings he'd made of her and him years ago.
Tentatively, she walked over to him, and knelt down in front of him.
He looked up, shocked to see her there. "Elizabeth, what are you...? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...it fell, I'm sorry."
Hesitantly, she reached out to touch his hand, still busy picking up the tubes, "It's okay," she said softly, looking into his eyes.
Her touch, so soft and warm, sent shivers through him. Quickly, he pulled his hand away.
Buffy sighed, looking at the pictures next to him, "They're beautifuren\ren't they?"
He nodded, his eyes drawn to them, despite being embarrassed to have her find him here with them.
"It's because the man who drew them did so with such love in his heart, they couldn't help but turn out beautiful."
"You mean the monster?" William scoffed, his voice sounding harsh in the quiet of the attic.
She looked at him sadly, "A monster didn't draw these, the man inside who was always there did; you did."
He shook his head, "No, they’re only beautiful because the subject matter...because you are," he said his voice so soft she barely could hear him.
"You think I'm beautiful?" she asked, pausing as she dared to look at him; a bit of hope written on her face.
He looked up at her, into her liquid hazel green eyes, and felt himself falling into them, "Always," he said, his voice low, pained with yearning.
"William," she whispered his name, as she slowly reached toward him.
"Don’t," he said, suddenly backing away, "I can’t do this."
"Why?" Buffy pleaded. "Talk to me! Please!"
He shook his head, his arms going around himself in a protective hug, "I can’t. I just can’t!"
William saw the unfathomable pain in her eyes, as she rose and ran from the room, and down the stairs.
"I’m sorry," he whispered to the room now gone cold without her warmth, his heart breaking all the more.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SEPTEMBER 22, 2009
MONDAY
7:30AM
Buffy had called Mrs. Carpello that morning, asking if she would meet her there before anyone else arrived. She was at her desk, when Buffy walked in.
"Hi, thanks for meeting with me," Buffy said.
"Sit down," Mrs. Carpello motioned her to the chair, and pushed a coffee towards her she'd picked up on the way. "What's up, you sounded serious."
Buffy took a grateful sip of coffee, followed by a deep sigh, "I need some time off."
"I see," Mrs. Carpello said, meeting Buffy's gaze and holding it, "when?"
"Now."
"Now?"
Buffy nodd"Ye"Yeah, I'm really, really sorry to spring this on you like this. I've been trying to deal with...these things and it's just...it's only getting worse. I can't...I can't..." Buffy struggled to get the right words out, but found herself getting choked up instead.
"It's alright," Mrs. Carpello said, patting her hand across the table. "Is it about William?"
Buffy nodded, not trusting her voice.
"I thought as much. We've all been concerned for you lately."
"You have?" Buffy asked, taken aback. "I thought...I tried not to let anything show. I didn't want to burden anyone with stuff that's going on in my personal life. I tried to just come in and do my job, be there for the students..."
"You have been, dear. It's not about the quality of your teaching that we've been concerned. It's just that you've seemed so unhappy. Especially, when compared to how happy you seemed last year, after you found William again. What's the matter with him anyway?" she asked, angry all of a sudden. "I realize that losing one’s memory, and all that entails must be very tricky, but still..."
"It's complicated, he's...he's confused right now."
"Doesn't William realize what he has in you? How much you love him?"
"Apparently not," Buffy said, with a hollow laugh.
Mrs. Carpello just shook her head; "Men!" she declared. "They're idiots half the time, and children the other half. No wonder...oh nevermind. How much time do you need off?"
Buffy looked at her gratefully; "I'm not sure. Could I have...the rest of the week?"
Mrs. Carpello nodded, "If you can work it out with Lily, and put together the lesson plans for the rest of the week, then I'll agree. But you have to promise me something."
"Of course," Buffy said, relieved, "what?"
"Just don't quit on me all of a sudden, okay?"
"I won't. I wouldn't just do that without giving you fair notice."
"Alright then," she said as she stood up, "go get your stuff together and I'll get a hold of Lily for you."
"Thank you," Buffy said gratefully.
"Elizabeth?"
Buffy stopped and looked back at Mrs. Carpello, waiting.
"Good luck. I hope it works out for you; for both of you."
"Me, too," she said in a small voice. "Me, too."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
10:30AM
William stirred awake to sounsounds of drawers opening and closing, not so quietly, in the next room. Confused, he looked at the clock. Why was he hearing noises at this hour of the morning, when Elizabeth should be at school? His heart started pounding, as he imagined what else might possibly be in the house with him. However, the more he listened, the more he knew by sound; that it was her.
Still, concerned as to why she was home on a school day, he got up. He came out into the living room, theoppeopped as he saw the suitcase outside her bedroom door.
Buffy walked out of her bedroom, and saw him. She nodded to him, then continued with what she was doing.
William followed her out to the kitchen, as she took a box of tea she preferred out of the cupboard, along with her to-go mug, and put them into a small bag. She put it on the floor by the back door.
"Excuse me," she said, as she walked past him back into the living room, picked up her suitcase and carried it to the back door as well.
She started to walk past him once more, when his hand grabbed her arm. She stopped and looked at him, her resolve almost wavering upon seeing the confusion and hurt in his eyes.
"Wh...where are you going?"
"To Dawn’s."
"Don’t you...don’t you have work?" he asked, not understanding why she would be going at the beginning of the week.
"I took some time off," she said, looking at his hand, "may I?"
He released her arm, then fold hed her, as she went through the bedroom, and into the bathroom, gathering up her toiletries.
"When are you coming back?" he asked, his voice starting to show the strain.
"I don’t know," she said, "does it matter to you?"
"Does it matter... what do you mean?" he asked, stammering.
"It’s a simple, direct question William. Does it matter to you, when I come back? Does it matter to you that I’m even leaving?"
He leaned back against the framframe, staring at her, then looked down.
She nodded slightly, swallowing down the lump in her throat, and started throwing stuff into her makeup bag. She angrily swiped at her eyes, sniffling.
She brushed past him, and went out to the kitchen.
He stood there, until he heard the back door being opened, then bolted out of the bedroom.
"Elizabeth!"
She was on the porch, walking back into the kitchen to get the last bag, when she heard him call out her name.
He stood there uncertain, as she walked in, wanting to go to her.
Buffy stood in the doorway waiting, hoping he would say something, anything to make her change her mind, but he didn’t.
A voice in William’s head screamed out to him, ‘Say something, do something before this goes any further, before she leaves you!’ but he stood there mute, unable to change the inevitable.
Finally, she blinked. Sadly, she walked over to him, and stood directly before him. Reaching up, she touched his face, "I love you. You know that, don’t you?"
He nodded his head, afraid to speak, but not shying away from her touch, either.
"But I can’t live like this, not after what we had," she continued, letting go of him, "you’re not happy with me anymore, you won’t talk to me, you barely can stand to look at me, you won’t touch me..."
"Shhh," he said, putting his arms over her shoulders, and his head down next to hers. "Don’t. ‘S not you. It’s me, I just can’t..."
"I know...but it isn’t just you William. It is me! It’s just so...its all messed up right now, isn’t it?"
He nodded into her hair, closing his eyes as he took in the smell and feel of her, committing it to memory.
"I know you promised that you’d never leave me, but don’t you see? You’ve already left me in every other way. You’re here physically, but you’re not here in any other way. That’s why I’m leaving for a while, so you can decide what you want from yourself, as well as from me. Decide what you want from us, if there still is an us."
Gently, she pulled away from him. He held on for another moment, before letting her go.
"I told myself, when I found out that you were alive that no matter what, I’d be there for you, even if you didn’t love me anymore. That still stands."
"I don’t think I can wear these right now," she said, taking off her ring, and then her lovebird necklace, undoing the triple latches that had held them securely next to her heart for all these years. She held them out to him.
He shook his head, so she placed them on the table, "It’s for the best for now, don’t you think?"
William didn’t answer her.
Buffy kissed him gently on the cheek before walking to the back door again; "You’ve got Dawn’s numbers, and Johns, I think, right?"
He could only numbly nod, as he looked at her, his pupils large.
"Goodbye...William," Buffy said softly, as she picked up her suitcase and went out the backdoor. He stood there listening until he heard her car start, and the sound of it driving away.
Slowly he turned and looked down at the ring and the necklace on the table. Slumping into the nearest chair, he clutched them to his chest.
END CHAPTER 156
JULIAN
SEPTEMBER 2, 2009
MONDAY
3:00AM
William sat alone up in the annex. By candlelight and by the light of the stars that shone in from the skylight, he looked at the sketches he'd made of Dru,el, el, and Darla all those years ago, trying to reconcile the knowledge that they had been his family for decades. They had been his murderous companions, partners, and paramour, in unspeakable monstrosity.
When he couldn't stand to look at their images anymore, he took out the drawings he'd made of Elizabeth, from the first time she'd said he brought her here. His heart ached as he looked at the beautiful images of her, some with her wearing nothing but the lovebird nece. ce. All the while, the real woman was alone, sleeping by herself, and William was left to feel like a voyeur in someone else's life.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
7:00am
Buffy applied the finishing touches to her makeup, then went into the kitchen. As she was pouring herself a cup of coffee, she heard the water running in the bathroom. Walking over to the kitchen doorway, she looked back expectantly towards the living room, and to William's bedroom door.
For some reason, she'd thought maybe this morning he would've gotten up to see her off, this being her first day back to work. She'd half expected him to bring her a cup of coffee while she was in the bathroom like he used to, as part of their morning routine.
"Guess not," she said, sighing, and went back into the kitchen to get ready to leave
.
"See you later, William," she whispered, as she let herself out the back door.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SEPTEMBER 13, 2009
SATURDAY
9:00AM
For the past couple of weeks, William had taken to sleeping all day, sometimes only waking after she’d already had dinner. Usually, after she’d settled down to grade the day’s school papers, he would awaken, and disheveled, make his way into the kitchen to eat whatever leftovers she’d saved for him.
Communication was down to a bare minimum, only an acknowlegement of passing each other in the same room, or a one to two word answer to a question.
Earlier in the week, she’d been asked again by Mrs. Carpello, as to if William might possibly do some work around the school. She’d lied and told her that he was too busy with his own school work, and work, and that he sent his apologies. She didn’t think that Mrs. Carpello believed her.
What else could she tell her; that William right now had no interest in anything or anybody?
Right before Labor Day, she’d received a phone call from Dr. Wittman, who’d gotten her number from William’s employment sheet. He’d wanted to talk to William about coming back to work, but when she’d tried to give him the phone, he shook his head. She’d insisted, putting it into his hand, "Talk to him," she’d hissed. She’d left the room, but had managed to hear him tell Dr. Wittman, that he was sorry, but that he wouldn’t be going back to school, or to work for him.
"What are you going to do with yourself?" she’d asked him, walking back into the room.
He shrugged, looking up at her, "I don’t know. What do other former vampires, turned back into men in another century do with themselves?"
"I don’t know, never knew any other ones. Maybe they just sit around feeling sorry for themselves," she’d yelled, "or they can get the hell on with their lives!"
She waited to hear him throw something, yell at her, anything. Anything would’ve been better than him just doing nothing, but he hadn’t. Just sat there like before.
Buffy had wanted to scream at him, shake him until his head rattled, throw her arms around him, and make him see what he was doing to himself, but instead, she had just left the room. He had already left it, so it would appear.
There had also been a recent voice mail message from Edna, who was wondering when she was going to see her ‘favorite couple’ again. It hurt her to hear Edna’s voice, and to remember how connected their lives were to hers.
Buffy didn’t call her back.
She had stopped by a few times to see Clem on her way home, but there was an awkwardness between them now, which had never been there before. Buffy could tell that Clem still smarted from William’s rejection of him, but still offered his help, if she ever needed him. She’d thanked him, and on another day brought him over some baked goods from Dudley’s as a sort of peace offering, which he’d accepted gratefully. Still, the spontaneity of just being able to call or stop by whenever either chose to was gone, and the relationship felt strained.
Buffy soon stopped dropping by, thinking it would just be a painful reminder to him, of what he had lost, too.
Then there were the calls from Willow, and Dawn, and even Xander. Xander had tried to convince her to let him talk to William, but he had been sleeping when he’d called, and she didn’t want to wake him up. She also didn’t want to fight with William to try to get him to take the phone, and have Xander hear that.
She just started to let the voice mail pick up everything.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
But by far, the weekends were the hardest for Buffy to take.
When she’d lived in the house for the previous five years, being alone is something that she’d gotten used to, hadn’t even minded, after a while. The house had been Spike’s, as she had been, and her living here had fit, helped her heal. And here, she could talk to Spike still. She’d still felt his love in this house.
But now she’d never felt so lonely as being here with him; just mere feet away, yet he might as well have been on the other side of the world.. It was like living in a morgue, an emotional one in any case. Now there was this disjointed, quality about their lives, which made it seem like he’d been more alive to her when he’d been dead.
She used to love to spend the weekends at home with him, but now being there felt like Chinese water torture...a bit of her dying, bit by bit.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
William couldn’t sleep with her, nor sleep at night in the other bed without her, and so he wandered through the house at night, keeping some sort of watch over her. He would sometimes stand by her door, his ear pressed up against it, just so he could listen to the sounds of her breathing. In want and need, his body and soul would ache for her, to be able to take her in his arms, kiss her, make love to her, as he stood just feet away. But he couldn’t. He didn’t deserve her.
It was only as morning approached that William would feel at ease enough to lie down. There would be no more creatures of the night to worry about for now, no more sounds that set his skin crawling, no more things that went bump in the night. So, he would pretend to be asleep, as he listened to Elizabeth awaken, take her shower, and get ready for school. Finally, after hearing her car leave, he would try to sleep. Though, that was at best, hit or miss.
Often, htosstoss and turn until finally, he’d get up, and cross through their adjoining bathroom, into ‘her’ bedroom. Lying down in ‘his’ spot; he’d set the second alarm so it would awaken him before she got home. Then, hugging her pillows, comforted by her smell, he would finally sleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SEPTEMBER 22, 2009
MONDAY
2:00AM
Buffy tossed and turned, as the same old dream returned to haunt her once more.
"No, you've done enough Spike, you can still..." she said, desperately looking for a way to spare him this fate.
He shook his head, "No, you beat 'em back, it's for me to do the cleanup."
She heard the explosive sounds as the walls of The Hellmouth started to crumble around her. Reaching out to Spike, she entwined her fingers with his for a last time.
Buffy awoke, heart pounding to the sound of a loud crash from above.
She slipped out of bed, and walked through the bathroom into William's room. His bed was empty, but the closet door leading to the annex was open. Looking up the stairs, she could see a faint light coming from above. Quietly, she climbed the stairs.
William was bent over, picking up old tubes of paints and charcoal, which had fallen out of a carton which had been stored up there for years. Also, scattered around him, and lying open were the sketchbooks, containing the drawings he'd made of her and him years ago.
Tentatively, she walked over to him, and knelt down in front of him.
He looked up, shocked to see her there. "Elizabeth, what are you...? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...it fell, I'm sorry."
Hesitantly, she reached out to touch his hand, still busy picking up the tubes, "It's okay," she said softly, looking into his eyes.
Her touch, so soft and warm, sent shivers through him. Quickly, he pulled his hand away.
Buffy sighed, looking at the pictures next to him, "They're beautifuren\ren't they?"
He nodded, his eyes drawn to them, despite being embarrassed to have her find him here with them.
"It's because the man who drew them did so with such love in his heart, they couldn't help but turn out beautiful."
"You mean the monster?" William scoffed, his voice sounding harsh in the quiet of the attic.
She looked at him sadly, "A monster didn't draw these, the man inside who was always there did; you did."
He shook his head, "No, they’re only beautiful because the subject matter...because you are," he said his voice so soft she barely could hear him.
"You think I'm beautiful?" she asked, pausing as she dared to look at him; a bit of hope written on her face.
He looked up at her, into her liquid hazel green eyes, and felt himself falling into them, "Always," he said, his voice low, pained with yearning.
"William," she whispered his name, as she slowly reached toward him.
"Don’t," he said, suddenly backing away, "I can’t do this."
"Why?" Buffy pleaded. "Talk to me! Please!"
He shook his head, his arms going around himself in a protective hug, "I can’t. I just can’t!"
William saw the unfathomable pain in her eyes, as she rose and ran from the room, and down the stairs.
"I’m sorry," he whispered to the room now gone cold without her warmth, his heart breaking all the more.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SEPTEMBER 22, 2009
MONDAY
7:30AM
Buffy had called Mrs. Carpello that morning, asking if she would meet her there before anyone else arrived. She was at her desk, when Buffy walked in.
"Hi, thanks for meeting with me," Buffy said.
"Sit down," Mrs. Carpello motioned her to the chair, and pushed a coffee towards her she'd picked up on the way. "What's up, you sounded serious."
Buffy took a grateful sip of coffee, followed by a deep sigh, "I need some time off."
"I see," Mrs. Carpello said, meeting Buffy's gaze and holding it, "when?"
"Now."
"Now?"
Buffy nodd"Ye"Yeah, I'm really, really sorry to spring this on you like this. I've been trying to deal with...these things and it's just...it's only getting worse. I can't...I can't..." Buffy struggled to get the right words out, but found herself getting choked up instead.
"It's alright," Mrs. Carpello said, patting her hand across the table. "Is it about William?"
Buffy nodded, not trusting her voice.
"I thought as much. We've all been concerned for you lately."
"You have?" Buffy asked, taken aback. "I thought...I tried not to let anything show. I didn't want to burden anyone with stuff that's going on in my personal life. I tried to just come in and do my job, be there for the students..."
"You have been, dear. It's not about the quality of your teaching that we've been concerned. It's just that you've seemed so unhappy. Especially, when compared to how happy you seemed last year, after you found William again. What's the matter with him anyway?" she asked, angry all of a sudden. "I realize that losing one’s memory, and all that entails must be very tricky, but still..."
"It's complicated, he's...he's confused right now."
"Doesn't William realize what he has in you? How much you love him?"
"Apparently not," Buffy said, with a hollow laugh.
Mrs. Carpello just shook her head; "Men!" she declared. "They're idiots half the time, and children the other half. No wonder...oh nevermind. How much time do you need off?"
Buffy looked at her gratefully; "I'm not sure. Could I have...the rest of the week?"
Mrs. Carpello nodded, "If you can work it out with Lily, and put together the lesson plans for the rest of the week, then I'll agree. But you have to promise me something."
"Of course," Buffy said, relieved, "what?"
"Just don't quit on me all of a sudden, okay?"
"I won't. I wouldn't just do that without giving you fair notice."
"Alright then," she said as she stood up, "go get your stuff together and I'll get a hold of Lily for you."
"Thank you," Buffy said gratefully.
"Elizabeth?"
Buffy stopped and looked back at Mrs. Carpello, waiting.
"Good luck. I hope it works out for you; for both of you."
"Me, too," she said in a small voice. "Me, too."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
10:30AM
William stirred awake to sounsounds of drawers opening and closing, not so quietly, in the next room. Confused, he looked at the clock. Why was he hearing noises at this hour of the morning, when Elizabeth should be at school? His heart started pounding, as he imagined what else might possibly be in the house with him. However, the more he listened, the more he knew by sound; that it was her.
Still, concerned as to why she was home on a school day, he got up. He came out into the living room, theoppeopped as he saw the suitcase outside her bedroom door.
Buffy walked out of her bedroom, and saw him. She nodded to him, then continued with what she was doing.
William followed her out to the kitchen, as she took a box of tea she preferred out of the cupboard, along with her to-go mug, and put them into a small bag. She put it on the floor by the back door.
"Excuse me," she said, as she walked past him back into the living room, picked up her suitcase and carried it to the back door as well.
She started to walk past him once more, when his hand grabbed her arm. She stopped and looked at him, her resolve almost wavering upon seeing the confusion and hurt in his eyes.
"Wh...where are you going?"
"To Dawn’s."
"Don’t you...don’t you have work?" he asked, not understanding why she would be going at the beginning of the week.
"I took some time off," she said, looking at his hand, "may I?"
He released her arm, then fold hed her, as she went through the bedroom, and into the bathroom, gathering up her toiletries.
"When are you coming back?" he asked, his voice starting to show the strain.
"I don’t know," she said, "does it matter to you?"
"Does it matter... what do you mean?" he asked, stammering.
"It’s a simple, direct question William. Does it matter to you, when I come back? Does it matter to you that I’m even leaving?"
He leaned back against the framframe, staring at her, then looked down.
She nodded slightly, swallowing down the lump in her throat, and started throwing stuff into her makeup bag. She angrily swiped at her eyes, sniffling.
She brushed past him, and went out to the kitchen.
He stood there, until he heard the back door being opened, then bolted out of the bedroom.
"Elizabeth!"
She was on the porch, walking back into the kitchen to get the last bag, when she heard him call out her name.
He stood there uncertain, as she walked in, wanting to go to her.
Buffy stood in the doorway waiting, hoping he would say something, anything to make her change her mind, but he didn’t.
A voice in William’s head screamed out to him, ‘Say something, do something before this goes any further, before she leaves you!’ but he stood there mute, unable to change the inevitable.
Finally, she blinked. Sadly, she walked over to him, and stood directly before him. Reaching up, she touched his face, "I love you. You know that, don’t you?"
He nodded his head, afraid to speak, but not shying away from her touch, either.
"But I can’t live like this, not after what we had," she continued, letting go of him, "you’re not happy with me anymore, you won’t talk to me, you barely can stand to look at me, you won’t touch me..."
"Shhh," he said, putting his arms over her shoulders, and his head down next to hers. "Don’t. ‘S not you. It’s me, I just can’t..."
"I know...but it isn’t just you William. It is me! It’s just so...its all messed up right now, isn’t it?"
He nodded into her hair, closing his eyes as he took in the smell and feel of her, committing it to memory.
"I know you promised that you’d never leave me, but don’t you see? You’ve already left me in every other way. You’re here physically, but you’re not here in any other way. That’s why I’m leaving for a while, so you can decide what you want from yourself, as well as from me. Decide what you want from us, if there still is an us."
Gently, she pulled away from him. He held on for another moment, before letting her go.
"I told myself, when I found out that you were alive that no matter what, I’d be there for you, even if you didn’t love me anymore. That still stands."
"I don’t think I can wear these right now," she said, taking off her ring, and then her lovebird necklace, undoing the triple latches that had held them securely next to her heart for all these years. She held them out to him.
He shook his head, so she placed them on the table, "It’s for the best for now, don’t you think?"
William didn’t answer her.
Buffy kissed him gently on the cheek before walking to the back door again; "You’ve got Dawn’s numbers, and Johns, I think, right?"
He could only numbly nod, as he looked at her, his pupils large.
"Goodbye...William," Buffy said softly, as she picked up her suitcase and went out the backdoor. He stood there listening until he heard her car start, and the sound of it driving away.
Slowly he turned and looked down at the ring and the necklace on the table. Slumping into the nearest chair, he clutched them to his chest.
END CHAPTER 156