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Mirror	By : norwalker Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > FemmeSlash - Female/Female > Buffy/Faith Views: 8850 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 14
- 15
- 16
Mirror

By Norwalker

Part 14

Disclaimer: Joss, Mutant Enemy, Inc, and Fox own the characters that appeared on " Buffy the Vampire Slayer" Television show. Original characters, and the story, belong to the author. If any of this reminds you of anyone living or dead, it's just a coincidence. Deal with it.

1

Heartache does different things to different people.

Some, feeling shame, try to lose themselves. They get lost, try to disappear. If they're lucky, they meets someone who drags them back and sets them back on their path.

Some, feeling hopeless, walk away. They leave the place that gives them pain; the place that breaks their heart. They move on, trying to build a new life for themselves. They try to forget, push it away.

Some, feeling loss, feeling left behind, go within themselves. They seek the thing that makes them strong, makes them what they are, and when they find it, they become it again. Sometimes, the lose more than they gain.

Buffy hit the streets, tried to get lost. She was found, and is working her way back.

Willow walked away. She looks forward, not back, trying to put away the ache.

Faith? She went to war.

Faith stands looking down at the pile of dust that just moments earlier was a vampire. She smiles a tight little smirk.

So that's what? 4… or 5 tonight? She shrugs. Doesn't matter as long as it's dust. She's about to leave when she notices something glittering on the ground, half covered by the ash . She stoops and picks up what looks like a collar of some sort.

She turns it around in her hands, noticing the intricate silver design on black, and the blood red rubies . Something looked familiar about it. Where've I seen this before? She turns it around again. It seems so familiar to her. Damn, I know this. Finally, figuring that it'll come to her, she puts the collar in her coat pocket, to figure it out. Maybe I'll show it to Giles. Maybe he'll know what it is.

She looks at the night sky, and notes that while it's not getting light yet, it's getting close to dawn. She looks at her watch. Yup, nearly 5:40 … and dawn's at 6:05 this morning. No more hunting tonight. All the nice lil vamps will be snuggling in to beddy-bye by now. Guess it's time to get home and get ready for my run.

Faith isn't all that eager to get home now. Since Willow left a couple of months ago, she's radically changed her lifestyle. Pretty much, she's been living at night, sleeping during the day. Hell, might as well be a vampire. I never see much of daylight these days.

She's turned back to her slaying to get her through the days… or nights. It's been the only thing that seems simple, uncomplicated, and just plain understandable. I got stake, they got fangs. We fight, I dust them. Simple. If only the rest made that kind of sense.

Of course, it didn't. Nothing made sense to her these days except the slaying.

When Willow left a week after that night at the Bronze, Faith felt like something broke inside her. Something huge. She'd stood there with Willow; neither wanting to talk, neither having a clue what to say. They were afraid to touch, because that would've been a disaster. We probably would've done something stupid like cry, then run off to the ladies, and make crazy love til we were both tired and then Red would've missed her plane and then she'd have rebook and we'd go back to her place and make more with the hot and sweaty and then she'd miss the next booking and next and next and then she'd never have left and still be here and we'd be miserable with guilt but … she'd still be here. But we didn't touch.

They just stood there, trying to think of something to say. Trying to say something to make it easier for each other. That didn't work. Then something to make it easier for themselves, and that failed worse. So they stood there, looking and not looking at each other, until her plane was called. And they stood, not wanting to say goodbye, but having to say it. Then suddenly she was in my arms, hugging me so tight, so tight. Crying, and dammit if I didn't start blubbering too, even though I swore a thousand times I wouldn’t . Then we both said I love you. And I heard me say don't leave, please stay. And she cried harder, and said don't make it harder, god I don't want to leave but I gotta leave. And damn I felt like someone just drove a hot poker through my guts. And then ,too soon, way too soon she let go and was gone. Gone.

Faith disappeared for a few days after that. Going on a walkabout, she said, and boom, she was gone. She never said where she went or what she did during that time. When she did return, she was in control. She didn't cry, didn't talk about it. She just started concentrating on her training, and threw herself into slaying.

It wasn't as if she'd neglected her duties before. She'd patrol, but mostly it was single sweeps, and with the population seemingly to be on the down curve, it didn't matter too much how many she bagged. With Willow here, and missing Buffy, and all the other thousand details of life, she wasn't primarily focused on it.

Now she was. This was her life now. Her way to deal. She sleeps days, and hunts at night. No longer the casual sweeps, she often staked out known haunts. She'd track them, following them to nests. And the strange thing was the vamp population seemed to be on the upswing again. She hadn't noticed so many before. Or maybe, she hadn't really been looking that hard.

She knows Giles and Joyce are worried about her. Her change in habits, her focus on vampires, almost to the exclusion of anything else, her withdrawal from them. She didn't consciously withdraw. It's just how could she tell them about what was going on inside? Would they understand? Probably not. Could they help? Definitely not. She had them left, and bringing them too close? Well, she knew how that worked out. Look at Red. Look at Buffy. Too close, now gone.

She stops, mid stride, and looks around. Oh good, moron. You nearly passed the house! She backtracks and walks up the walkway to the Summers house. Where the hell is your brain, anyway? She makes an impatient noise directed at herself as she pulls out her key.

Letting herself in, she hears Joyce speaking to someone in the kitchen. She wanders over, curious, and sees her talking on the phone. Who's calling at she looks at her watch 5:57 a.m. for god's sake?

Joyce looks up, smiles and speaks into the phone. " She's here, right here. Yes, she just walked in. Wait a second." She calls out to Faith. " Faith, phone." She waves the receiver at her.

What the fuck?

" Hello?" Faith says, feeling very confused. Who the hell would be calling me?

" Faith?" the soft voice asks on the phone. " Is that you? It's me…"

BUFFY!

" Buffy?!?!" Faith asks, suddenly feeling as if her heart has slipped into high gear. " Buffy?"

" That's my name, love. Don't wear it out, 'K?" Buffy teases her.

" Buffy, my god it's been so … how are you? When're you coming home? "

" I'm doing better, Faith," Buffy evades the second question," How're you doing?"

" I'm ok, baby. I… I'm fine. I just miss you so much!"

" Fine? Really? Mom's kind of worried about you." Buffy says, " She seems to think something's wrong."

" Mom worries about everything, Buff. You know that, " Faith does some evading of her own.

" She says you're sleeping all day and going out all night?"

" Well, I've been focusing more on the slaying, you know. The Slayer, my sacred duty, yada, yada, yada."

" Yeah, yeah I remember, remember?" Buffy says, " But this doesn't have anything to do with Willow leaving, then?"

" Willow?" Faith feels a tug at her heart, " She told you about that? I mean her leaving?"

" Well, yeah. I mean, I am Willow's best bud. Well, used to be. You seem to be that lately, " Buffy says, " Of course, that's good, really. Being there for her, about Tara and all. "

You're lying to me, Buffy Summers. Don't think I can't hear it in your voice!

" Look, Buffy. Willow's leaving had nothing to do with what I'm doing, ok? Just, now I have more time to really focus on who I am, the Slayer. That's what I’m supposed to do, right?" Of course, it's ok for me to lie, just a little. Right?

" Yeah, " Buffy says, sounding doubtful, " but it's not good ….look, Faith, I know you miss me. And don't tell me it didn't hurt a little when Willow left. She's a friend, a good friend, you know? I mean… I understand if you love her a little. Geeze, I love her a little, you know? How can you know Willow and not love her? Look up ' Lovable' in the dictionary, and her picture's right by it. So… I just don't want you being unhappy, honey. If you guys got a little close, that's cool too. It's good if you were there for each other. I know this has been hard on you."

You don't even have a clue, Buff. Do you? Not really.

" I just miss you honey," Faith says, diverting the topic.

" I miss you too Faith, I really miss you," Buffy sounds plaintive.

"When're you coming home, Buff?" Faith puts it right out there. " You sound good. I miss you. When do I get to see you again?"

There's a silence on the phone. " I don't know, Faith, " Buffy finally speaks up, " I just don't know yet…"

" Buffy, please. I'm dying here without you. Whatever it is, can't we work it out … here, with you here?"

" Faith, don't you think it's killing me … being without you. Not able to see you? Touch you? Feel… oh god I miss you so much it hurts, it hurts bad. But I can't … not right now. Things are right. I haven't…I … don’t you see? I can't come back til I've made it right?"

"Make it right? What the hell does that mean?" Faith loses patience." How're you going to ' make it right' from England? That's just crazy talk!"

" Well, I guess that fits," Buffy says, quietly, " me being crazy and all."

" God, I didn't mean that, Buffy. I just mean… I don't get it. Make what right? Please, just tell me."

" What I did. To you, mom, Giles…everyone… I can't… I just can't face you yet…"

"Buffy, god no one hates you or blames you. We love you. Just come home."

" No, I can't Faith. Not until I've made it right. Not until then."

" When?"

" What?"

"When? Give me some kind of idea when, Buffy. A week? A month? A year? 10 years? When?"

" I just don't know, Faith. I’m sorry, I just don't."

There's a silence.

" How long am I supposed to wait, Buffy? Until it's right?"

Another silence.

" Maybe you shouldn't wait. Maybe you should do what you promised, and move on."

" Just like that? Just 'move on' ? Just get over it? Doesn't work that way, Buffy, does it? Oh, you should know that. You've had nearly a year there to even try to get over it, and still I don't have a clue when you'll feel you can come back to me. But no, you don't have a clue, and I’m sitting here like a fool, waiting. And I don't want to stop waiting, because I love you, Buffy. It’s not like I can just take you off and toss you in the closet like an old pair of shoes, and forget you. I need you, Buffy. I just want to know when I get to stop hurting here!!!!"

There's a long silence on the other end.

" Maybe, Faith, you should forget about me. Move on… I was hoping you and Will… but… maybe you should just forget about me…"

" What? What's this? You're breaking up with me? Is that what this is? Breaking up with me? On the fucking phone!!!"

" No! no… god I don’t know…I don't know what I'm doing… I can't do this… I can't talk anymore…"

" No…don't you hang up with me. Don’t you DARE HANG UP ON ME!!!"

>>Click<<

" SHIT!" She stares at the receiver in her hand. "Dammit!" She looks up, to see Joyce looking at her, worried. " Oh… sorry mom, really… I didn't mean to… " She hands the phone to Joyce, turns and runs up the stairs.

" Faith… honey…" Joyce hears a door slam upstairs. She sighs. Hanging up the phone, she looks at the coffeepot longingly. Then she starts up the stairs.

Sometimes, it sucks to be mom.

Buffy hurls the disposable cell phone across the room, hitting the wall. She walks over and stamps on it until it's pieces. " Why, why, why, WHY?" Her voice rises up the scale. " Why don't you just forget me? I'm no good, don't you get that Faith? I'm no damned good. Why don't you just move on? Don't you see I'll just ruin your life, like I've ruined everything else in my life? Why don't you get smart and forget about me!!!! Forget ABOUT ME!!! "

Buffy kicks the pieces of the phone, scattering them across the floor. She gets down on her hands and knees, picking up the pieces." I'm sorry, god I'm so sorry." She starts to cry as she picks up each piece carefully as if it's precious. " I didn't mean to hurt you anymore, baby. I 'm so bad. Why won't you see that? Why do you keep loving me? I don't deserve it. I don't deserve you. Please, baby… just… please." She stops, kneeling there, crying.

Willow, taking out some trash, hears some noises from the back house. Mystery girl is at it again! She walks to the trash can, and drops the bag in. Ok, that was just plain mean, Willow. She looks at the backhouse. Grandma said she's having a rough time of it. Think you could be a little less catty? I just wish she wouldn't be so… I dunno, I just wish … Willow starts towards the backhouse, intending to see if the girl's ok. She stops. No, grandma said, don't bother her. She doesn't want to be bothered. Why the Garbo, anyway? What's she hiding? Gee, Will, you'd think you wanted to date her or something. Willow shakes her head, laughing. I just wish I knew.

Willow stands staring at the guest house for awhile longer, then turns and returns to the main house.

Joyce knocks softly on the shut door. " Faith, hon. Are you ok?"

"Sure, mom. I'm peaches, " Faith says, sarcastically, " Just peaches."

" Do you want to talk about it, Faith?" Joyce asks. No, no, please no. I'm out of my depth here.

The door opens, and Faith looks out.

"What to talk about, mom? She's doing the famous " No dump-dump". She's trying to get me to break up with her, so she can feel all good about it. ' but she left me, you see.' It's a load mom, ok? Now, we done talking?"

" Faith, do you think perhaps you're being a little hard on her?" Joyce asks, " She's going through a lot right now…"

" Maybe, " Faith interrupts her, " but you know what? Going through a lot myself." Faith starts to close the door.

" Honey, maybe we should talk about it…the whole thing?"

" What're you talking about, Mom?"

" I think this might go beyond just Buffy and you. Maybe include a certain redhead that left town a little while ago…?"

"What're you asking here, Mom? Do I miss Red? Yeah, she was a friend. Good friend. Nice to have to talk to. Is there anything more going on? No."

Joyce switches tacks. " Honey, sometimes when two people get close, things… happen. You know? Not anyone's fault, just does. So, it's possible that maybe…?"

" Mom, I love Buffy. That hasn't changed, " Faith asserts. Good on the half-truths there, Faithy.

Joyce scans her face.

" I really believe you do, dear, " Joyce thinks about it, " I guess I’m just being mom-ish. Kinda gross, I know, Buffy always tells me that. But… it's just when Willow left, you seem to take to take it so personally… then disappeared for days…"

" I just had things to work out, mom," Faith says. " I know, lot of that going around huh? But really, I'm ok…well, except maybe that Buffy's looking to dump me," Faith sighs.

" Honey, I’m sure she's just going through a difficult patch. Don't give up on her yet."

" Ok, mom," Faith hugs her. " Thanks" You just don't get it, mom. I just don't get it, mom!

" You're welcome, dear, " Joyce pats her back, then breaks the hug. She starts away.

" Oh, ummm… mom?"

" Yes, Faith?"

" Being mom-ish? Not gross. Not at all." Faith closes her door.

Joyce walks towards the stairs, smiling.

Ok, doesn't always suck.

Faith leans against the door. She feels like yet another mule has kicked her.

Well, what more do I need? God, why not just send the Dump-O-Gram, Buff? Shit!

Impatiently, she pushes off the door . She starts to undress, getting ready for her run. She throws her jacket away, and hears a clattering sound as something hits the floor. She walks over, and sees the collar she recovered from this evening. She picks it up, and looks at it again.

Damn, now I know where I've seen this. At the club that night. Willow was wearing one… but it had green stones. Whoa… Faith twirls the collar in her hand. Must be from the club… that vamp… maybe lots of them…

Faith suddenly feels angry. Very angry.

All this crap. All of it … leads back to that place. That place. Buffy going there, being part of that after she became human… that's what caused all this trouble. That fucking place…

Faith crushes the collar in her hand.

Maybe it's time to pay the club a little visit.

2

" … 29…. 30." She grunts, releasing the bar and dropping back to the floor.

Buffy stands under the makeshift pull-up bar she rigged up in the guest house, shaking her head. Still need to get better. Gotta get better. She puffs a little, her body covered with sweat. She looks around at the little homemade gym that she's created out of whatever she could find, beg, borrow or otherwise. An old set of weights, a really ratty looking speed bag and punching bag with lots of patches… still, it helped her train. That, and the fact she's taken up running in the mornings are helping her strength and speed.

Yeah, be nice to have slayer powers back, though. She thought as she lay down to do sit ups. Real nice.

After finishing her sit-ups, she moved over to the speed bag, for agility, and the heavy bag to do some upper body building. Finally, sweating profusely she hit the shower, stripping out of her sweats. She looks at herself critically in the full length mirror, wincing at the scarring, but noting she's beginning to tone a little. Not enough, dammit, but better.

She hops in the shower, and lets the spray carry away some aches and pains. Gotta work harder, Buffy. Gotta get buff. You're not going up against fluffy kitties here. God, why can't I find some evil fluffy kitties or cute puppies to go up against? No, I gotta pick the pointy tooth crowd. She looks over her body at the collection of bruises she's acquired over the last few weeks. Gotta get faster, Buff. Can't take the blows like you used to. Still, could be worse.

She closes her eyes and lets the warm spray wash over her. Her mind goes back over the conversation this morning with Faith. Her heart aches over the outcome, how it ended. But hearing her voice again, just felt… so good. It was like a caress, soft and warm, until it went to shit, it gave her a major happy. She just realizes how much, again, she misses that voice, the smile, her eyes… Oh, those sweet brown eyes… the way her hair just sort of cascades down her head over her shoulders… it sometimes is just right, and one of her cute ears peek out… and you just so want to nibble it…ok, this is so not helping… Buffy sighs, picking up the sponge and soap, lathering, washing herself. What's it matter anyway? I can't go back to her. I can't ruin her life again. I got to put her out of my mind… but why did Willow leave? I mean… they must've… forget that one too, Buffy. She left. I don't get that. It doesn't make sense. Right, Buff, like you're the shining example of good sense, right? That's why they put you in the crazy place for 8 months. Because you're the cover girl for Sanity Faire. Maybe you should just do what you got to do, and let Faith figure out who she wants. Stop trying to force something…

Buffy hops out of the shower, and dries off, again inspecting her body. Idiot, you're like fooling yourself. First vamp that really fights back? You're toast. She wraps herself in her towel, and grabbing another, dries her hair. She looks in the mirror and shakes her head. Who're you fooling? You're hoping you get killed, so you can just be done. So it'll be right again.

Walking in the front room, she quickly dresses in jeans, boots, and pull over turtle neck sweater. All dark colors. She grabs her coat, and slipping into it, goes to a drawer in her makeshift dresser.

Inside are stakes, a large Bowie type knife, a stun gun, and other supplies. She straps the knife on her leg, the stakes and holy water and extra cross she puts in her jacket. She puts the stun gun in an exterior jacket pocket.

At the bottom of the drawer is a small silver cross with a script 'B' engraved on it. She picks it up, carefully hanging it on her neck. The rest she doesn't care if she loses; this is precious.

The last little bit: donning her knit cap and tucking the hair under it. No reason to give 'em something to grab.

For a moment she stands. Like every night, she's undecided. Is this what I really want to do? She fingers the cross around her neck. No choice. I've got to.

Sighing, she leaves the guest house, dousing the lights as she goes.

" And she's off," Willow comments as she sees a shadowy form pass by down the unlit driveway.

" You seem to be awfully interested in my tenant, dear, " Rose Weiss says to her granddaughter. " Seems to me you'd want to be finishing that paper rather than staring out the window after her, don't you think?"

Willow sighs, and looks back at her laptop screen. " Well, you've got to admit, Gram, she seems rather to play up the ' mystery boarder' to the hilt. Never see her around, she's gone most of the time… where's she going every night, anyway? And then there's the occasional weird noises from the back at night… sounds like she's screaming…"

" She has nightmares. She told me that, and I told you, after the first time turned me out of bed to call the police."

" She sounded like she was being killed… " Willow adds ominously, " or killing someone."

" You're imagination, " Rose shakes her head, " I swear. We let you read way too many Nancy Drew novels when you were younger…"

" What do you know about her, Gram?" Willow says, " I mean, she could've told you a pack of lies…"

" …and she could've told me the truth, which I suspect is more likely, " Rose's expression is not too happy.

" What?" Willow catches her grandmother's look.

" Why are you so concerned about this girl, Willow. She's hardly a slip of a thing. What's bothering you?"

" Oh, well, I guess worrying about my Gram's safety… that's a bad thing, huh?"

"No, dear, of course not. But look, she's been here two months, and goodness, I'm still alive!" Rose can't help teasing her Willow sometimes. She's so serious." Dear, where's all this sudden concern coming from?"

"Well, you told me she was mental…"

" Operative word, was… troubled, dear, " Rose says, " but she's been in therapy…"

" Oh, and that means she could never, ever relapse."

" Which is why she's in the back house, dear, and not the main house. I'm old dear, not foolish. She would have a very hard time getting in here without me letting her in…"

" But you've let her in lots of times… and I’m not here to protect you!"

" Yes, like all those years you've been here to protect me up to now…" Rose smiles. " You know this isn't the first tenant I've had like this, dear. What about all of them?"

" Well, I'm here now, and she's here now, and she's so secretive about everything and I don't like it!"

" Hmmm… so this has nothing to do with you not being able to use the back house, then, dear?"

" NO!" Willow protests. " Well, maybe a little, but more I just don't trust her."

" I see," Rose says, " So, has she done something sneaky or underhanded to you, dear?"

" She hasn't done anything! I haven't seen her except her shadow passing in the night, sometimes."

" So… then, if you met her, would that alleviate your fears?"

" Yes! No… maybe, I don't know, " Willow says, pouting a little. " You think I'm being childish, don't you?"

" A little, dear, " Rose comes to her, putting her hands on her shoulders, " but it's nice you're concerned for your frail, doddering grandmother, too." She kisses the top of Willow's hair.

" You're not frail and doddering. But sometimes, maybe a little naïve."

" Indeed?"

" You don't know these people, Gram. They could be dangerous, they could hurt you. You're here by yourself, who'd help you?"

" Of course, dear, you're right. How ever have I managed for the last 67 years without you here to protect me?" Rose says, tongue planted firmly in cheek.

" Sarcasm doesn't suit you, Gram," Willow says petulantly, " I'm only trying to look out for you."

" I know, dear," Rose pats her shoulder," but you have to remember that Gram wasn't exactly born last night. I'm a pretty good judge of character, dear."

" I know Gram, but you also have this humungo heart, and are a sucker for someone in trouble." Willow says, patting Rose's hand. " I just don't want to see you get hurt. Who knows what the what is on this girl."

" Well, I'll tell you what, Willow. I'll invite Anne for dinner, and you can meet her, and give her the once over, and see if you're old Granny is in trouble, ok?"

" Anne?" Willow looks at Rose, " That's her name?"

" Yes, didn't I tell you?" Rose smiles at her. " Silly me. Anne Saunders. I think you'll like her. Sweet girl, a little too hard on herself…sort of like someone else I know…"

" I'm so not hard on myself!" Willow says defensively.

" Oh? So then, after three years of taking care of a friend…"

" Tara was more than a friend, Grams," Willow says quietly.

" Yes, dear. But after three years of devoting yourself to her, with the knowledge that she'd never be herself again, you finally decide to let go… and are still blaming yourself about it." Rose arches a brow." Or maybe that isn't you I hear crying late at night?"

" Gram!" Willow blushes. " I…" Ah, if she knew ALL the reasons I'm crying…yikes…

" Mmm-hmmm. Rather like Anne. She blames herself for the things that happened in her life, a lot like, well, you dear." Rose nods her head, " actually, it might be a good thing you two meet. You might be good for each other." She nods again. " Yes, I think so. I'll invite her to dinner one of these nights…"

" Gram," Willow cocks her head, " If I didn't know better, I'd say you're trying to fix me up here."

" Well, Willow, you could do worse than Anne. She's a pretty decent young lady…" She walks over to the sofa, and sits, " Pretty too, if she'd fix herself up a little."

" Gram. Didn't I mention? I'm not gay anymore? That… was just like a college thing. You know, kind of experimenting. Nope, not into that scene anymore."

" I know you told Ira that, dear." Rose smiles," But Grams isn't as easily fooled as your father." Rose stares at her. " I know they wanted to believe that. Rather full of themselves, but then they've always been that way." She sees Willow's expression. " Oh, don't worry Willow. I won't tell your father. He's a bit of a stick. Always has been."

" Gram!"

"Well, he is dear. You're mother too. I don't know where she gets it. Certainly not from me or Hank, " Rose sighs." No, Ira's always been a little full of himself, " Rose smiles with just a hint of wickedness. " However, if he gives you any trouble? Just ask him about a certain College camping trip to the Poconos with some friends, and how he 'accidentally' wound up in his best friend's sleeping bag… which was a entirely different color from his?" She winks. " His best MALE friend."

" Gram! I can't believe…" Willow smiles just a tiny smile. " … really?"

" Just don't let him roll over you dear. He likes to do that, but Ira isn't all that tough." Rose smiles at her. " I don't care what your parents think, dear. You love who you want to."

" Thanks, Gram," Willow comes over and hugs her grandmother, " You're the best, you know."

" Of course I am, dear. I'm glad you're finally realizing that." She enjoys the hug for a moment, then stands up, breaking it. " Now , dear, you better get back to that paper, and I'm going up to bed."

" Aren't you going to wait up to be sure … er… Anne comes home safe?"

" No, dear. She usually doesn't come home til past midnight. Bit late for this old girl, " Rose sees Willow's expression." I stayed up a few nights when she first started going out at night."

" You really do worry about all you're lost puppies, don’t you, Gram?"

" Somebody has to. G'night, Willow." She gives her granddaughter a kiss on the cheek. " Don't be up too late."

" Ok. Night, Gram." Willow calls to her retreating back.

Willow sits at her laptop, and begins typing. After awhile, she pauses, looking out the window.

Well, mystery girl. Looks like we'll meet at last. Wonder if I'll like you? Gram seems to think so. Still… Willow shakes her head, I just don't know. You seem a bit sneaky to me. Willow winces. Remind you of someone, Willow? A certain redhead that would've moved in on her best friend's girlfriend, if she'd half a chance? Ouch. Ok, but I did the right thing, I moved away. Yeah, and if Faith had really insisted you stay? Ok, Ok. Geeze. Maybe I'll give her a chance. Well, isn't that just so big hearted of you! You're a regular Mother Teresa, aren't you? Willow sighs.

She types a little more, then realizes she's been typing the same line over and over for the last few minutes:

" You love who you want to."

Sure, Gram. If only I could.

3

"Burn it down?" Giles repeats Faith's words.

" Yeah, I think that's about the only way to be sure it's really gone."

"Rather extreme, don't you think?"

" Ok, Giles. What's your suggestion? Send them an invitation for blood and cookies, and scold them for being bad little vampires when they show up?"

" I hardly think your sarcasm is appropriate, Faith, " Giles says, sounding a little wounded, " After all I've been fighting the forces of darkness for a lot longer than you. I'm just saying, perhaps you should think it through a little better before going in with a can of petrol and a match."

" What's to 'think about' Giles? Why do you think the vampire population is increasing? Not the Hellmouth. We know that's been inactive for awhile now. Is it the fresh salt air and sunshine? OOOPS! Vampires don't like sunshine, " Faith glares at him," It's that fucking club, Giles, and you know it. Some vampire is using it as a breeding ground. It's trying to build a power base, and frankly, I don't want to sit back and wait for the vampires to get way out of control, again. Maybe I'd like to keep any more innocent people from getting seriously dead."

" And that of course is your only reason for this rather sudden desire to destroy the club?" Giles asks, quietly, " there might not be other reasons? More personal reasons?"

" I personally hate vampires, " Faith mocks," I know that's not PC these days, but I do. Sue me!"

" So, the fact that Buffy tied you up, held you and Willow captive and threatened to turn you; at that club; that has nothing to do with this rather rash action? Nor the fact that you recently received a rather upsetting phone call isn't coloring your judgment?"

" Mom told you about that call?" Faith shakes her head and walks away. " That has nothing to do with it, Giles. This is a problem with vampires. I'm a slayer; I'm supposed to deal with those problems. Sitting on our hands and watching? Not going to help get the problem fixed. Doing something will. This is going to happen. So make a choice. With me or not? I'll do it alone, if I gotta, but it's gonna happen. So choose."

" Faith, I'm on your side. I know something has to be done. I just don't want you rushing in and getting yourself or others hurt. The fire could spread to other buildings around it."

" I'm not an idiot, Giles. I've checked it out. The buildings around it? Deserted. No one to see us go in, no one to get caught in any fire. I'm thinking, we do a daylight raid. No humans inside the club. We strike quick, get in and dump enough gas around to burn it down, and get the hell out." Faith pats his hand. " I'll even let you call 911 and report it once we're away. So, happy?"

" If you want my opinion…" Amy, who's been listening but quiet up to now, interrupts.

Giles and Faith look at her, not particularly wanting it.

"What? I want to help!"

" Amy, I don't think having a civilian along on this raid would be …"

" I can cast a spell. To keep the vampires down." She gets stern looks from the both of them. " Ok, how bout a fireball? Real easy to do, no need for matches." She sighs when she sees them not softening up. " I can help carry gas, ok? I just want to help!"

"Oh let her come Giles. Better that than she gets some idea to do it herself. She just stays outside and out of the way… agreed?" Faith looks at Amy, who nods. " So, Amy, what was your opinion, anyway?"

" Hmmm? Oh, just that Giles should let you do it, seeing how you'll be leaving soon and this might be your only chance and …" Amy ignores Giles' frantic gestures to be quiet.

Faith turns to Giles.

" Going away?" She asks quietly. Hiding the anger building up in her.

"Amy!" Giles looks uncharacteristically upset.

" You haven't told her?" She sees Giles' expression. " I'm going, I'm going" She moves to another part of the shop.

" Haven't told me what?" Faith looks at Giles. She isn't happy.

" The council has decided, " Giles goes into his official watcher voice, " That since, as you pointed out, the Hellmouth in Sunnydale appears to be inactive, the slayer's abilities are being wasted staying here. So, they've decided to move you to a location where you're special gifts can be more effectively put to use."

" Just like that?" Faith looks at him.

" Just like that, " Giles concurs." I'm sorry, Faith, but I…"

" So, what about Buffy? What happens when she comes home, and I'm in oh… Outer Mongolia?" Faith walks away, trying to keep her temper, but feeling it slipping. " What do I do THEN, GILES?" This last is punctuated by her knocking something off a table, causing it to break. " What THEN?"

" I'm sorry, Faith, but you're the slayer, " Giles hides behind his officiousness to cover the pain he's feeling with her hurt, " you must have been aware that with the Hellmouth ceasing to be active, you would be re-assigned to somewhere you'd be more useful. "

" I suppose you'll be coming with?" Faith looks at him. When he doesn't immediately respond, she asks him again. " Giles, you'll be going with me, right?"

" No, Faith. You'll be reassigned to another watcher. One … let me see…" he opens the secret drawer behind the counter and pulls out a letter"… Helen Stone… she will be your new watcher."

"And, if I don't want this?" Faith asks very quietly.

" Faith, you're the slayer. You don't have…"

" A choice. Right, got it. You guys got me by the short hairs. You can always send me back to prison. I mean you got me out, surely they have a way to slam me back in. Maybe they can get it right this time, get me dead so they can have a new, improved slayer that isn't so much trouble. " Faith loses her temper, kicking over the table. " Fuck me, why'd this ever have to happen to me?" She looks at the heap on the floor. " All I wanted…"

"Faith," Giles comes over, trying to reach out to her.

" Don't" She puts up a hand. " I'm the Slayer. I get it. I'm just a tool in the war. Got it." She walks around the pile of merchandise on the floor, aiming for the door. " Let's just get this done, so I can pound sand somewhere else, ok?" She looks back at Giles. " You might want to clean that up." She walks to the door, and stops. " Tomorrow." She says.

" Tomorrow?" Giles asks, looking at the pile.

" We do this tomorrow. Get the stuff together. You can do that, right? I'm going home to bed." She walks out.

Giles uprights the table Faith kicked over, and starts putting the merchandise back on it. He stops, and looks out the glass front of his shop.

Some days, I really hate this job.

4

Buffy hears a scream coming from the alley up ahead.

There's my cue, She thinks, as she takes off running. She gets down the alley and realizes that there are two of them attacking. Great, which one first?

She heads for the bigger of the two, pulling the stun gun and hitting him in the back. She kicks out, kicking the smaller vamp in the side, causing him to stagger back.

The first one starts wiggling like a fish on a hook. She quickly stakes him, but is blindsided by the second vampire. She goes flying into the wall. She hits hard, and slips down, stunned.

" Who the hell are you?" The second vamp walks over to her, kicking at her. The victim, seeing an opening, runs for her life. "Ah, crap, you made me lose my meal. Guess I'll have to settle for a snack." He jumps on her, leaning over to bite.

Buffy recovers enough to bring the stun gun up to his neck. He jerks backwards, and Buffy brings up her knee, hitting him in the gut. She rolls to the left, and gets on her feet. She applies another hit to him, and watches as he starts to jerk around.

" Who am I?" She says, kicking him in the ribs. He fall over on his side, still twitching from the jolt." Bad news for you." She pushes him over, and brings the stake down on his chest. Dust.

She brushes herself off, and groans a little from the hit she took. She carefully checks herself, and finds nothing permanently damaged. Just bruises. That's going to smart tomorrow. She looks around and sees the victim has taken off.

" Gee, what?" she says softly. " No thanks?"

She starts down the alley, already feeling a little pain from her contact with the wall. She hits the street, and turns right, looking for the next vampire.

I gotta get an easier night job.

5

Willow sits looking out at the night.

She can't sleep. Sleeping is a luxury these days. Thank god for No Doze and caffeine. Otherwise, I'd probably be snoozing in my classes. If I don't start getting with it, getting my masters is going to take forever.

She's all right when she's with other people. Pretty much, anyway. She forces herself to concentrate on what's happening around her. Studying too. She usually does ok studying. Pretty much. Except when she gets to one of those sentences that she reads over 5 times, because her mind has wandered off somewhere. Somewhere west. Somewhere brunette.

Why can't I stop thinking about her? Willow sighs, looking out the window at the night. This is so much worse than I thought it'd be, and I was expecting pure hell. I can't keep this up. I've got to face it; I've got to let her go. But I can't. She won't let me. It's like she's in my blood. I'm so gonna mess this up. I'm going to flunk out, and everybody's going to wanna know why… and what can I tell them? I'm in love with my best friend's girlfriend, and no matter how I try I can't stop it? I can't forget her? I lay in bed at night, and my mind goes 1000 miles a second, all about her? I think about every damn minute we were together but not together? That I see her face everywhere? That I've made a fool out of myself how many times because I'll see a woman I think is her. I know it's not her, she's in Sunnydale, but I can't help it. I think it's her, and then it's not her, and I want to cry!

Willow feels the tears coming, and she bites on her hand, so her grandmother won't hear her again. God, that was so embarrassing. Thank god she only thought it was for Tara. Oh, God Tara. I'm so fucking bad. How can I be such a slut to … damn me, I'm not doing anything right. I shouldn't have listened. I should've just gone on with Tara. Then I'd be unhappy, but not miserable. I could deal. Sometimes it was killer, but God, not like this. Shit! I deserve this. I should feel this rotten. I'm a slut. What about Buffy? Think it's a good thing to want her to just disappear, so I can have her girlfriend? Oh, I'm just so sweet and pure. My ass! I'm nothing but… damn…

I've got to stop this. I've got to get myself together. I can't keep this up. I've got to be stronger. But I can't… I just can't. God, every day I just want to take a plane back, get on my knees. Grovel in front of her, beg her to take me back. Use me, hurt me , ignore me, but let me be there with you. NO! This is so wrong on so many levels. I'm not a dog, and she wouldn't do that. No, she'd make me feel special… again. God, I want to feel special again. I want her to look at me with that look she had at the airport. God, I'm so bad. I'm so bad! I thought being away, getting away, it'd get better. It's only worse, God, it only gets worse.

STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP! Get a hold of yourself. You can't do this. You've no right to feel sorry for yourself. You did this to yourself. You knew, you knew this could happen, and you ignored it. Pretended to yourself that you wouldn't be stupid. Oh, no, you're too smart to fall in love with her. Too damned smart. You'd just warm yourself in the fire, not fall in and get consumed. DAMN STOP IT! Pull yourself together. Stop being a child and grow up. Whatever happened, it's over, and get on with your life. Stop this. Stop doing this!!

Willow hears a noise, or something makes her look out the window. She sees the shadowy form of her grandmother's tenant.

Who are you, Anne? What's your life been like? My grandmother says you're carrying this big load of guilt. What'd you do, Anne? Who'd you hurt? Who'd you … God, is she limping? Willow notices that Anne seems to be favoring her right leg. She stops for a moment, rubbing her leg. What is it, Anne? What drives you out every night? What demons are you fighting? Anne starts off again, towards the backhouse. Can I help you Anne? Do you really want any help? Maybe if I can help you, what I'm feeling won't hurt so much. Can I be you for awhile, and you can be me, ok? Maybe you can deal with my stuff better, and I can deal with your stuff. What do you think?

She watches as Anne disappears into the back house. Sighing, she gets up, going to the bed to lay down. Staring at the ceiling, she knows she's in for another long night.

Maybe not.

To be continued
- 14
- 15
- 16
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