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Irony	By : LitGal Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > Slash - Male/Male > Spike(William)/Xander > Spike(William)/Xander Views: 13879 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Irony
- 2--2-
- 3--3-
- 4--4-
- 5--5-
- 6--6-
- 7--7-
- 8--8-
- 9-Author's Notes
- 10-Chapter 9
- 11-Chapter 10
- 12-Chapter 11
- 13-Chapter 12
- 14-Chapter 13
- 15-Chapter 14
- 16-Chapter 15
- 17-Chapter 16
- 18-Epilogue I
- 19-Epilogue II
- 14
- 15
- 16
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"Bloody hell," Spike snarled, turning his face into the breeze. And I saw the moment when he caught the scent because his face took on this feral sneer/snarl that would have scared the crap out of me if he had pointed that face at me.

"I'm thinking running would be of the good," I suggested.

"Right." Without another word, Spike dashed across the park away from the street and away from the sound of human footsteps, and I followed behind, allowing my instincts to take over, since me and running usually resulted in much stumbling and falling. With the hyena instincts pulled up, I could feel my body contact the earth and then push off again in one graceful motion. At first Spike held back, turning his head to several times, but he quickly noticed that I could keep up, and he put on a burst of speed that forced me to push myself to keep up.

We dashed across the baseball diamond attached to the park and then through the stand of trees behind it. I twisted my hips to maneuver around the obstacles; my night vision helped me duck under branches that would have decapitated me before. Then Spike's feet were suddenly at my eye level and I put out my hands as I sort of collided with a brick wall hidden by the trees. Note to self: not even hyena instincts can totally overcome Harris clumsiness.

I stepped back to get a better angle and then jumped for the top of the wall. My fingertips caught the edge and then cool hands grabbed my wrists and Spike hauled me up, my feet scrambling for purchase. For one second as I reached the top, my body pressed into his and we stood face to face. He let go of my arms, and I couldn't help it; I leaned forward so that my lips just barely touched his. I don't know what I expected, but the back of his knuckles gently brushing my cheek surprised me so that I actually pulled back and looked into those brilliant blue eyes. In the distance, I could hear heavy footsteps on the hard packed dirt of the baseball field, but the trees still gave us some shelter.

"Bloody tease," Spike whispered with his hand still on my cheek and I just smiled. Then the magic of the moment passed and he jumped down and started running with me close behind. Spike practically flew up a chain link fence and I gathered my legs under me, leaping most of the distance before using my arms to practically throw myself over the rest of the fence, and hey, that was actually cool because I know I couldn�t have done that before.

I followed Spike into what appeared to be some sort of factory area with a number of smaller buildings connected by overhead ductwork, and now I could hear the bootsteps on the concrete behind us. They paused at the fence and I could hear the rattling as we gained a lot of ground. But once the soldiers cleared the fence, they immediately began running toward us. Damn, they must be tracking Spike's body heat, or lack of it rather.

Spike put on a huge burst of speed that left my lungs aching and my muscles burning for oxygen. When he dropped down into some sort of delivery bay, I was ready to admit defeat and ask him to slow down. Before I could catch my breath, Spike had opened a manhole cover into the pitch-black sewers. Oh yeah, let's just see whether the soldier boys have stones or pebbles in their pants.

I opened my sense of smell to check out the darkness, and almost gagged from the smell of sewer, but hey at least that was all I smelled. Taking one last deep breath of fresh air, I dropped down into the darkness. I landed with a splash and had to catch myself with one hand on the ground, which meant that most of me went in the sewer water as Spike pulled the manhole cover closed from the top of the ladder he was perched on. Ladder. Right, probably should have used that. I tried to catch my breath as Spike dropped from the ladder and started down the sewer. I wanted to ask if he was picking a direction at random or if he had some sort of plan, but I just couldn�t get enough breath. Besides the stench, the air was strangely warm, which probably wasn�t helping with the stinkage.

Spike jogged down the sewer for several minutes before taking a sudden turn to the right down a narrower tunnel, one where I had to duck my head a little and the little spikes on his head brushed against the grime on the ceiling. Trusting that Spike wasn't just running blind, I followed as the temperature kept rising until I could feel sweat forming at my waistband and the back of my neck.

Up ahead I could see a dim light, and then the smooth concrete gave way to rough rock as the tunnel widened out into a dimly lit cave.

"Um, where the hell are we?" I asked as Spike jumped down a couple of feet into a pond.

"Hellmouth makes all sorts of interesting caves under the town, and most of 'em are prime demon real estate," Spike answered as I jumped down and nearly jumped back out again. The water was hot, like Jacuzzi kind of hot. I scurried after Spike before I started cooking.

"Oi, duck down and get that muck off ya before you come up," Spike groused, and I looked down at my favorite Babylon 5 t-shirt which now had big blotches of discoloration. Oh hell, it was my only shirt since the Initiative had so thoughtfully moved me only without telling me where my stuff was. A single shirt I'd left at Willow's and a pair of jeans borrowed from Angel were the sum total of my worldly possessions and now I was down one shirt. Life sucks, and not the good kind of suckage either.

"Um, yuck," I offered as I backed up a step and ducked under, doing my best to scrub my shirt clean, because even Clorox has a limit, and I doubt they've tested the stuff against sewer water and demon goo. Not a big laundry concern because most people just avoid those things. Well, they avoid sewers, and they'd avoid demon goo if they actually believed in demons, which would require that they give up denial land, and people were way too fond of denial land. I should know seeing as how I was the king of it at one time.

"I think your head needs a quick dunk, too," I pointed out helpfully when I came up the second time. Yep, time to get out of the water before I started turning red as a boiled lobster. Soldier boys definitely weren't going to track the temperature of anyone in this steam bath, if they�d even made it into the sewer, which I doubted.

"Fucking hell," Spike swore when his fingers explored his hair and found the muck. I laughed as he waded back in and did a quick job on his own head before coming back out dripping and muttering. And here I thought Angel was the one who was touchiest about his hair.

"Right, we need to get back to Buffy," I pointed out.

"Yeah, hate to say it, but we do." Spike started walking toward one of the tunnels leading off the cavern.
The tunnel led to the back alley of Willy's place, and Spike pulled himself up out of the sewers and retucked his t-shirt into his jeans as if looking good was his only concern. And quite frankly after he had run his fingers through his hair, he did look good- one of the advantages of years of practice in not being able to use a mirror, no doubt. I doubted that I had gotten through the run quite as stylishly. It really wasn't good for the ego when dead people consistently looked better than you. Oh hell, who was I kidding, the dead people I hung out with always looked hot. Not fair.

"Right, just time for a drink before we head back to the slayer's," Spike declared as he strode around to the front of the building before I'd had a chance to do more than open my mouth.

"Spike, this is so not a good idea," I said as I dashed around the side of the building just in time to see him open the door.

"Don't be a ninny," he suggested before disappearing inside, and I followed.

"Hey, no, we don't need any trouble tonight," Willy said as I stepped inside, and I could see Spike cock his head to the side in confusion even though he had his back to me.

"I'm just here to collect my vampire and leave," I said sweetly.

"Well just do it without breaking any more furniture. You owe me for last night." Despite what he was saying, I couldn�t help but notice that Willy�s hands were still up in a submissive �hey, no trouble� gesture. I admit it, the hyena in me felt kind of smug.

"I don't owe you anything, I told you to take it off the other guys," I pointed out testily. I had, right? I reviewed the night, and yep, I may have lost my shoes, but I had clearly remembered to tell Willy to charge the dead guy. The one who�d been dissolving into stinky grey ooze as I left.

"Oh yeah, maybe I should have taken it off the two dead vamps whose money turned to dust the minute you staked them, or maybe I should have gotten my arm burned down to the bone trying to pick a wallet out of the remains of a Yinth. Not likely." Willy�s hands were flat on the bar now, and he really didn�t look very happy. Sheesh, where had he picked up a backbone on sale.

"A Yinth?" Spike turned to me with eyebrows halfway to his hairline. Behind him I saw two shapes move out of the shadows: two familiar shapes. They should be familiar what with the four arms and the thick bodies and the glowing eyes, and boy did they look pissed. Okay, that would be Willy's source of confidence I realize as it dawned on my Willy had just sold me out as the local Yinth killer.

"You killed the tribe father," one grumbled unhappily and I started backing away, which seemed like a Zeppo thing to do until I realized that Spike was backing up with me. The things kept walking closer and the closer they got, the bigger they looked.

"Pet?" Spike said quietly from right in front of me, and we had both now backed to the door.

"Yeah?" I asked, hoping he had some wise advice.

"Run." Oh yeah, I could do that. I turned and fled down the street towards Giles' apartment, and I could hear Spike right behind me. Luckily the two tree-sized demons following couldn't run nearly as well as the Initiative guys because we seemed to be alone by the time we slowed to a job as we neared Giles' place. It was obviously one of those nights where nothing was going to go right, and I should know seeing as how I've had so damn many.

I rang the bell on Giles door, which swung open to a very cranky-looking Giles.

"Where the hell have you two been?" demanded an angry voice, and I looked over Giles' shoulder to see Buffy with her hands on her hips in full pissed off mode.

"Oh, just running for our lives from the Initiative soldiers, that's all," I answered as I walked by Giles and walked over to the empty couch before collapsing.

"Right, which is the polite way of sayin' back the hell off, Slayer," Spike snarked as he followed me in, throwing himself next to me on the couch. Not quite touching.

"Spike," Angel warned with just the name and a nasty tone of voice. If Angel started that whole parental unit using your name as a curse thing in front of others, I was so pulling all his hair out, submitting or no submitting. I squirmed a little as I realized how uncomfortable that made me. Okay, so I would insult his hair, I decided. Yep, if Spike could submit and then make fun of the hair, I could too. Right now Spike was suspiciously quiet.

"Damn it Angel, I told you it was a mistake leaving them out there. This is my town and my friend and my� " Buffy paused. "Okay, Spike isn't my anything, and I'd be perfectly happy if he disappeared, but the point is you can't come in here and pull this 'I know everything' crap. Things have changed." Oh wow, I looked over at Angel to see his reaction, and part of me felt like cheering on the Angel torture, while another part of me felt like defending the pack from the pack, and I was beginning to think I was on the road to turning out as nutty as Dru.

"You've made the changes perfectly clear, Buffy," Angel said calmly. Too calmly because that was a creepy sort of calm. I looked over at Spike who was sitting up with an excited expression, and oh yes, this was bad. Spike tended to get excited by things like decapitation and evisceration. I figured I�d better say something, anything, to try and defuse the situation.

"Buffy, we're fine, and besides, I'm not going to live in fear of the Initiative. Well, they won't be around much longer hopefully, so that's one reason, but I'm not some helpless sidekick who's going to hide just because there are big bad baddies out there," I pointed out without standing. My legs were still a little too wobbly for that, but at least I could breathe.

"Until we take care of the Initiative�" Buffy started with her own 'I know everything' voice, but Spike cut her off before she could finish.

"Boy's lying through his teeth, which I normally find admirable, but the Initiative only started the chase. A pair of Yinth demons trying to kill us finished it." Spike sounded pretty damn perky, like he�d enjoyed the chase as much as he liked bragging about it. Which I kind of got, actually. Feeling the hyena strength and grace as I ran was� well, it felt amazing. Still didn't change the fact he had ratted me out and I glared my displeasure at him, displeasure which seemed roll right off him as he gave me a self-satisfied grin. Bastard.

�Yinth? What? Are you sure?" Giles broke in at that point, and there really were too many alphas in this room, I thought as I sighed and gave Spike the dirtiest look I could manage. Great, now I had Buffy AND Giles ripping into me. [

"Nice one, fangless. Got anything else you plan on spilling?"

They're soddin' dangerous, and you pretending like it doesn't matter just makes you loonier than Dru." Spike snarled back before turning to the others. "He killed one in a bar fight at Willy's last night and now the wanker's kids are out to eat him." Oh yes, I could feel the heat of anger growing as I glared at Spike. Oh I was so not going to let this slide.

"Listen Deadboy Junior, I don't need you to run and tattle just because you got your panties in a bunch."

"Yeah, well if you hadn't been a complete an� utter git the other night, this wouldn't be a problem. Are you off your rocker taking on a Yinth demon on your own? Ya coulda been killed." Spike turned toward me with quickly yellowing eyes.

"I took care of it on my own, so you can just mind your own business. No one has to look after me," I snarled back and shifted on the couch. Spike needed to learn that I was the dangerous one; I was the demon to avoid pissing off. And hey, calling myself a demon actually sounds kinda cool there.

"It *is* my business if you get yourself killed, you little ponce, and if you go pickin' fights with Yinth demons, you obviously do need a keeper." Spike declared, and I could hear the possessive tone in his declaration. He stood, and I leapt to my feet ready for the attack. Oh yeah. It was time to settle this once and for all.

"Guys, maybe we could just all calm down," Willow suggested even as my eyes went into demon mode and my cock went into full lust alert. I could smell Spike's desire and it only fed my own as I slid away from the couch so I would have more freedom of movement. The remains of the smashed coffee table had been cleared away, so there was plenty of room between the two couches for me to force Spike to submit. I whined happily at the thought of pinning Spike to the carpet and feeling his body helpless and squirming under mine.

"Uh, Angel, Buffy, some help please?" I heard a voice say from some distance, but really I was too focused on Spike to process the meaning. Spike was in game face with that sexy leer that made me want to nail him to the nearest surface. Voices continued in the background and a little nagging voice started nagging about something, which is what nagging voices generally did, but I focused on my opponent to the exclusion of all else. Let the pack take care of whatever had Willow's voice raising an entire octave in concern.

Suddenly a blonde form darted between us, and I saw the stake come up. I lunged forward grabbing for Buffy's stake arm, but someone grabbed me from behind, sending me crashing to the floor as my feet got tangled in something. I struggled to push hands off me, but every time I got one pair of hands off me another seemed to grab me. Normally, getting grabbed by girls in random body parts would sound good, but I was growling in frustration as I tried to pull free. I could hear Spike hissing somewhere and I shoved one of the people grabbing at me away as I turned to try and reach him.

"Enough," roared a voice that left me ducking to the floor defensively before my conscious brain could even process. Okay, that would be Angel. One very pissed Angel. And damn, why was my neck throbbing again?

I looked around and Willow was sitting on the floor next to the second couch looking dazed. I was face down in the carpet for the second time now only this time Tara had her arms wrapped around my waist and was practically laying on me. Spike was pushed up against the wall, held there by Angel with one arm while Angel's other hand held Buffy's wrist where she held a stake, and oh yeah, that was her �stake first, ask questions later� face. Oh god, I had almost lost him. I should have protected him, and instead I almost got him killed. I shivered in fear at the sight of Spike moments from turning to dust in front of me, and I had never been so happy to have Angel in my pack.

I turned toward the kitchen and Giles stood with his crossbow, looking ready to shoot Angel. Of course, it didn't actually take much to make Giles reach for the crossbow when Angel was in the room, but this time he somehow looked way more ready to use it. Funny, I'd been in the room the whole time so how did I manage to miss so much?

"I thought I told you two to take care of this," Angel said wearily, and I was pretty sure I knew the two he was talking to, and it sure didn't include Buffy. Angel slowly backed away while Buffy and Spike both held their positions, glaring hotly at each other, the not good kinda hot. Not that there *was* a good kinda hot when Buffy and Spike glarage was concerned because ew.

"Ah, Tara, you mind getting off me?" I asked in my best sheepish voice. I didn't actually feel sheepish, but I thought it was the voice most likely to get her off me.

"Are you going to g-go after Spike or Buffy?" Tara asked hesitantly, her arms still locked tight around me.

"I promise to be good," I said with my best doofus smile, the one that usually convinced teachers that asking me the answer was just a monumental waste of their time and proof that the American education system was failing. She got up slowly and then retreated to Willow's side, and oh shit. It suddenly occurred to me that I had either pushed or hit Willow, and there was just a special brand of hell for Willow hurtage.

"Willow, I'm really sorry," I said as I stood up, but she wouldn�t even look at me as she moved up to the couch and sat in Tara's arms. God, why did I have to keep fucking things up?

"Buffy, let's just sit down and talk," Angel said soothingly, his body still hovering protectively close to both Buffy and Spike even though he had let both of them go.

"And again, I'm reminding you this is my town," Buffy pointed out without lowering her stake, and Giles kept his crossbow aimed at Angel, who was remarkably calm for a vampire getting threatened by pointy bits of wood. Spike wasn't taking it as well as he snarled and showed his fangs in a more typical reaction. Wow, not feeling the love in this room.

"Buffy, please," I asked quietly.

"Xander, I am still waiting for an answer," Giles said, and this was suddenly starting to feel like one of my nightmares. The really bad ones where you go to math class to find a test and you don't remember any of the symbols on the page, and the teacher asks you something only you don't have any idea what she asked you, and then you find yourself naked. I glanced down just to double check since this *was* a Hellmouth. Yep, still with the wearing of clothes. Dirty clothes. Dirty, stinky clothes. Dirty, stinky clothes that were all I owned in the world.

"Um, what was the question?" I asked.

"What happened to your neck?" Oh shit. I shot a look over to Angel who had a stony look on his face and then back to Giles who looked ready to pull the trigger, and with their history, I didn't think it was really beyond Giles to actually do it now that Buffy didn't seem to need Angel. And strangely this bothered me.

I slowly moved between Giles and Angel. "This isn't what it looks like," I said carefully. Yep, me standing up for Angel, not what I thought I would do when I woke up in Buffy's basement with a spider crawling on my arm. Then again, maybe the spider should have been some sort of omen because today was just not going well. Actually, I'd had better days inside the Initiative. Almost.

"It looks like one or the other of them bit you, and rather hard at that," Giles commented dryly.

"Okay, maybe this is what it looks like, but not for the reasons you think," I amended myself and Giles narrowed his eyes. "Look, Angel and I had a little fight. I bit him, he bit me, we decided to call a truce in the �Angel kicked my ass and told me to stop acting like a spoiled brat� kind of way."

"Oh goddess." Well, at least that got Willow to look at me again.

"Angel, what the hell are you even thinking? I can understand that kind of stupidity out of your bleached brat� I would have staked him, but I would have understood. What the hell are you even thinking?" I turned around and Buffy had squared off against Angel. She had dropped her stake hand to her hip and glared at Angel who only looked at her sadly.

"Hey, remember the �whole accepting me like I am now� thing from the park?" I interrupted.

"I am accepting you in the not biting you kind of way, Xander. Angel, however, doesn't seem to accepting you nearly as well."

"Believe me, there was no grudge involved. This was�" I stopped because I suddenly understood why Angel was always so quiet. How the hell did I explain this one to her? "This was two demons who really needed to beat up on each other." I finished weakly. She turned to look at me with incredulous eyes. "Did that sound as pathetic to you as it did to me?" I asked with a small smile.

"Yep," she answered.

"Look, I'm not holding a grudge for the biting, Angel's not holding a grudge for the four years of me being a jerk, and maybe we can all just put the weapons down. We have a boyfriend to get out of the Initiative." I turned back to smile at Giles when my brain finally processed what I'd just said. I turned back to Buffy quickly. "Your boyfriend, not my boyfriend, not that I would have a problem with having a boyfriend because hey, big supporter of the whole gay experience here. Not that I've had one. Gay experience, I mean." Buffy started smiling, and I heard Willow's little snuff of laugher behind me, the type of noise she made when she was trying to be polite and not laugh at me to my face, which was one of the reasons I loved her because I knew full well sometimes I deserved to be laughed at.

"Yes, well if Xander is through NOT outing himself, we do have plans to make." I turned around and Giles had lowered the crossbow, even though he still had a tight grip on it. "So, did you make contact with the Tarhul demons, or was your mission a complete failure?" Giles asked Angel so calmly that a person who didn't know better would think that Giles was actually calm. Yep, back to normal with my screwed-up little pack.

"They're willing to help. We just have to get the charges." Angel looked at me and I gave a quick thumbs up as I headed back for the couch.

"No problemo. Military security sucks. I stole from them even before the hyena."

"You know, Oz thought you were pretty cool for that," Willow added from the couch as an olive branch, probably for laughing at me.

"Right, so now we need an actual plan to go with the explosions.� And that was our Giles, all business now that he had a normal non relationshippy problem to solve. When he became a watcher, I wonder if he knew he was going to be adopting such a weird group of people. I have to think that as much as he tried to protect us and as much as he loved us in his own uptight, repressed English way, he would have run the other way screaming if he'd had any clue at all. �Girls, I assume the coven can handle calling up the water levels?"

"No problemo," Willow echoed my words and gave me a small smile. "Floods, fire, killer winds, easy stuff." I was starting to think Spike was right about Willow having a little too much love of dark and chaotic, but I pushed that thought aside as we sat down as one dysfunctional family to plan the destruction of the Initiative and their dimension/space portal thingy.
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Irony