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Once and Again	By : Zarrah Category: AtS AU/AR > Het - Male/Female Views: 2089 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Chapter Twenty-Four: Broken
"Come on; let's lay her down." Rob said to the others as they tried to help Ravyn.
She was still crying and the way her body was jerking when she cried had them all worried.
"Dawn, run get the truck and pull it around." Rob told her as he took charge of the situation.
Dawn shook her head wildly before running out the door. She had to constantly wipe her tears away, as the dreadful scenes she had just witnessed wouldn't leave her.
Seeing Angel and Spike fight was bad enough, but to have stood there and watched while Spike drove a piece of wood into Ravyn's chest was the worst thing she had ever witnessed. Especially seeing how it looked as if he didn't even realize he had done it.
How was Ravyn going to feel knowing the love of her life had staked her? Not to mention all the horrible things he had said to her.
Dawn wasn't sure hoey wey would ever work this out, but she at least hoped Ravyn made it. She knew that no matter how upset Spike was, he wouldn't be able to deal if Ravyn were to die by his own hand.
"Ravyn, I need you to lie completely still, okay?" Rob told her as they examined the splintery piece of wood sticking out of her chest.
Ravyn's eyes fell shut as her body started to go numb and limp. The pain in her chest caused by the stake was nothing compared to the lose she felt in her heart.
She could hear the voices of those around her; their voices sounding like hushed whispers. The hurtful, hate filled words Spike had screamed at her echoed across her brain, replaying her `accused' betrayal to him over and over again until everything went quiet and very black.

"She's out." Blake said quietly. "Let's get her out of here."

Rob, Blake and Jesse all picked her up, keeping her as steady as they could. The splintery piece of wood was close to her heart and they feared pulling it out would cause pieces of it to imbed in her heart, killing her.

Dawn pulled the SUV up to the curb. She wiped at her eyes, clearing the tears away as the guys carried Ravyn to the truck. Angel opened the back doors and crawled in as they placed Ravyn carefully down in the cargo area.
"Make sure she doesn't move any Angel." Rob told him as he gave the yet to speak vampire a little smile.
Angel never took his eyes off of Ravyn. He kept staring at the piece of wood sticking out of her chest, knowing that it was meant for him. She had saved his life by pushing him out of the way...but why?

"Is she going to be okay?" Dawn asked, frightened for her friend.

"Yeah Dawn." Rob said as he climbed up front with her. "She's going to be just fine." he told her with a smile, not feeling it one bit. He had no idea how they were going to get all of the wood out of her and not accidentally dust her in the process.
As Blake and Jesse got in, Dawn pulled away from the curb. Angel looked at Ravyn and held her shoulders down, to try and keep her stationary. He had to close his eyes as he saw the blood that was still coming out of her chest. He had done this. This was his fault.
He fought back the tears as the week's events played through his mind. How could he? How could he have hurt her like that?
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Spike parked his bike in the driveway and walked tiredly to the house. His whole body was aching as he unlocked his door. He walked in, shutting and locking the door behind him before stepping through the still present rubble in the living room.

He walked slowly to the bathroom and started the shower, stepping in after removing his torn bloody clothes and felt somewhat relieved to feel the hot water run over his bruised, beaten body. He hadn't felt this bad since `Hell God Glory' had taking a liking to the way his skin turned colors when she tortured him.

He washed the blood from his body and his hair before placing his hands on the wall in front of him, just letting the water run over him as he tried to relax.

(What`s the matter boy, you think she spread those legs `just' for you)

Angelus' taunts still rang out in Spike's mind and he clenched his jaw tightly as he desperately tried to push them away.

(Best piece of ass I've ever had..........taste just like honeysuckles and cinnamon)

Spike reached down, making the water hotter as he bent his head, letting the water hit on the back of his neck. He was breathing hard as the voices in his head screamed at him. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't escape the torment in his mind.

(That little beauty mark on the inside of her right thigh......)

(Don't listen to him)

(Did you let him touch you)

(I didn't Spike...I swear, he's lying)

Spike closed his eyes as Ravyn's words filled his head. He could still see her face as she stood there crying while he squeezed her throat in his hand. He clenched his eyes shut tightly as her desperate cries rang through his ears.

(I love you Spike......Only you, Always)

Spike blinked his eyes trying to get the tears that were stinging at them to go away. He had never felt so alone in his life. The images of Ravyn and Angelus together played in slow motion before him causing his anger at her to burn into his heart a pain he was sure he'd never be able to overcome.

(Spike please...I love you)
(You're just a useless lying whore, and that's all you'll ever be)
Spike gritted his teeth together as he punched the wall hard, breaking the tiles where his fist made contact. "LYING BITCH!" he screamed as he started pounding on the wall in front of him, his knuckles busting and bleeding as his rage ate away at him. "I DON`T NEED YOU!" he yelled as his anger at Ravyn and what she had done tore into him like a scorching sun.
(I love you Spike)

Spike let out a small sob, finally stilling his hand and rested his head on wall in front of him as her words flowed through his mind. He was breathing heavily and clenched his eyes shut tightly as he tried to will the painful images of her away as his tears came.
"Why Ravyn...why would you do that?" Spike asked quietly as he stood there and softly cried. His chest felt like someone had it in a vice, the pressure was unlike anything he had ever felt before.
"You said you loved me." he whispered before a harsh sob escaped his throat. Spike cried hard as Ravyn's betrayal played out behind his closed eyelids. The one person in the entire world, who he thought would never hurt him, had hurt him in a way he thought her incapable of........she had broken his heart.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Dawn pushed everything on Rob's desk off into the floor as they laid Ravyn down on top of it. She was still out and had lost a lot of blood.
"God...how can she look so pale?" Jesse asked softly as he looked at her. Her skin was almost white, as were her lips.
"It's because of the blood lose." Rob told him as he scrambled around in the first aid kit. "Where's Angel?"
"He's in the lobby." Dawn said as she watched him.
"Can you ask him to come in here; I'm going to need his help."
Dawn shook her head at him before heading out into the lobby. She found Angel sitting on the sofa staring at the wall.
"Angel" Dawn said quietly as she approached him. Shilediled as he looked up at her. "Rob needs your help."
Angel stared at her for a few minutes before bowing his head. "I can't." he said softly before he slowly rose. "I'm sorry."
Dawn watched him turn to leave and felt for him. She knew hemed med himself for all of this but they had more important things to do that point fingers at tomenoment.
"They need you Angel....she needs you."
Angel stopped as her words reached him. "She doesn't need me. The only thing she ever needed walked out on her....because of me."
"If they can't get that stake out of her, it's not really going to matter...now is it?" Dawn asked as she walked over to him. "If you really do care about her Angel, then help her. They need you, she needs you."
Angel gave Dawn a weak smile before turning and looking towards the office. He took a deep un-needed breath and walked slowly towards the door.
Angel fought back his tears as he saw her lying there. For the first time since he had met her, she looked truly dead.
"Excuse me Mr. Angel." Phillip said softly as he hurried into the office with sheet's and blankets.
Angel stepped to the side as the others buzzed around the room, doing various tasks to prepare. He walked slowly to the desk and look down at her. She was almost white, her normal skin tone completely gone. He lifted his hand, brushing her hair away as he continued to stare at her. She had large bruises on her neck from where Spike was holding her and Angel had to close his eyes for a minute to keep his emotions in check.
Angel saw the bite mark on her neck. The one `he' had given her, proving to her that Spike's claim on her was useless. He hadn't even realized he was crying until the tears splashed down onto Spike's duster that she was still wearing.
"Angel, can you help me get this off of her?" Rob asked him quietly.
"Yeah." he answered as he wiped his face dry. Jesse and Blake lifted Ravyn as Rob and Angel slid Spike's duster down her arms. They laid her down gently as Dawn took the coat and hung it up.
Phillip draped the sheets over her half naked body. "Do you need this removed?" he asked as he pulled the sheet to the underside of Ravyn's breast.
"Yes, if you don't mind." Rob said, trying not to look. All the men turned their backs as Phillip and Dawn cut Ravyn's bra off and draped the sheets over her, covering her completely, exposing only the stake.
"Okay...I think she's ready." Dawn said as she looked up.
"Good, Dawn I need you to heat up some bags of blood for me." Rob said as he rigged up and IV for Ravyn. "She's lost a lot of blood and we need to replace it."
"Sure" Dawn said as she quickly left the room.
"Well, let's get started." Rob said as he looked at the others. Png ung up a small knife, he started to cut around the stake, making the whole bigger so they could get inside to remove all the wood left behind.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Spike was still standing in the shower, leaned up against the wall. He had been there for over an hour thinking of Ravyn and what she had done.
The gripping pressure that had pulled at his chest was only a dull ache now. He had thought hard about what they had. Everything was almost as perfect as it could be. He was finally happy again and he thought she was too.
He just couldn't understand why this had happened. Ravyn loved him, he knew she did. He could feel it every time she touched him, every time his name fell from her lips and every time he looked into her eyes. He never doubted her love for him, there was no need. So why would she ruin what they had?
A few tears came slowly when he pictured her face as she smiled at him and her laughter at her own bad jokes but mostly when he would hear her tell him how much she loved him and only him. Always.
He sighed heavily as he closed his eyes. He knew he`d never get rid of her image as it was burnt into his memory. He hadn`t been able to do it in the thirty years he thought she was dead, how could he now, knowing she was out there somewhere.
Finally opening his eyes back up, he turned and grabbed a towel and dried off before stepping out of the tub. He walked into the bedroom, falling into bed. He took a deep cleansing breath and shut his eyes tightly as Ravyn's scent filled him with a lose he wasn`t sure he`d be able to bear.
He bit back the pain as his eyes stung with tears and his throat started to tighten up. Spike stood quickly, ripping the sheets from the bed angrily as he was reminded of the hours that he had spent there loving her.
He scooped up all the blankets and sheets and carried them to the laundry room before walking back to his room. Remaking the bed, he crawled in again, staring up at the ceiling as he lay there. "Don't need her" he said quietly to himself before closing his eyes, his exhausted body finally giving out on him.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Rob was stitching up the wound on Ravyn's chest after spending close to two hours picking out pieces of wooom aom around her heart. The stake had missed by only inches.
Everyone was standing around looking at Ravyn, replaying everything that had happened. She had been so worried about Spike or Angel getting hurt, that she never even gave much consideration for her own safety.
They still couldn't get the image of Spike staking her out of their minds. It was something they knew they'd never forget. What had happened to make him so upset with her to cause such a terrible thing to happen?
"Well, that's iRob Rob said as he made the final stitch.
"Think she'll be okay?" Dawn asked quietly.
"Yeah, I think she'll be just fine." Rob told her smiling.
"Should we take her up to a room?"
"In just little while. Let her rest here for now." Rob told her. "Once she wakes we'll move her."
Dawn shook her head at him and looked down at Ravyn. Some of her color had returned but not much. The bruises on her neck were darker now and Dawn couldn't help but wonder what had happened. What would cause Spike to hurt her so much?
Sitting down at the desk chair, Dawn stared at her friend. Ravyn's bruises and scars would heal, but how would she ever get past Spike staking her and walking out on her?
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Spike woke the next evening, sore and stiff. He opened his eyes slowly and saw the empty spot beside him. He stared at the place where Ravyn should be and slid his hand across the bed, feeling the lose of her in his heart as well as under his hand.
He closed his eyes as he was reminded of `why` she wasn`t there. He sighed heavily before rolling over and standing. He walked to the closet, pulling out his clothes and dressing. As he was about to close the doors, he stopped and stared at all of Ravyn's clothes.
He breathed heavily as he stared at them, getting angry all over again that she wasn't there and why she wasn`t. He knew the best way to get her out of the forefront in his mind, he had done it before. Reaching in, he started removing them. The more he pulled, the angrier he became. He grabbed them, snatching them from the hangers and throwing them to the floor behind him. He was angry he even had to do it, angry with Angelus for coming and messing things up and angry with her for letting things get to this point.
Spike grabbed her bags, shoving the clothes in before walking to the dresser. He put everything he found of hers in them before walking to the bathroom and grabbing her jewelry and perfumes.
As he walked through the hall carrying her now full bags he paused when he saw her picture. He dropped the bags and lifted his hand, removing the picture from the wall. He ran his fingers lightly over her image as he looked at it. The first sting of his eyes, Spike hardened his features, determined NOT to cry like some whiney nancy boy over her.
Shoving the picture in one of the bags he picked them back up and carried them to the living room, throwing them down by the door.
*Bitch made her choice, let her live with it* he thought to himself. *Don't need her*
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Hey....you're awake." Dawn said quietly as she looked in on Ravyn.
Ravyn was still lying on Rob's desk. She was staring up at the ceiling when Dawn walked over to her smiling.
"How you feel?" Dawn asked her.
A stray tear falling from the corner of Ravyn's eyes was all the answer she needed. Dawn looked at her friend and could see the hollow blank statement on her face. She reached a hand up and wiped her tears away. "Everything will be okay Ravyn, I know it will."
Ravyn never moved or said a word. She never took her eyes off the ceiling either. She blinked her eyes as more tears fell, but never made a sound. Dawn's heart went out to her. She had no idea what she was feeling but she could only imagine.
"Would you like to go up to your room?"
Dawn waited and sighed lightly when Ravyn didn't answer her. "I'll go get one of the guys to carry you up. I'll be right back." she said softly before she turned and walked out.
"Hey...Ravyn's awake." Dawn said quietly as she entered the lobby where the others were. Everyone looked up at her as she stopped.
"Is she okay?"
"Not sure. She wouldn't talk to me." Dawn told them. "I think we should just get her to her room and leave her be for a while."
"Yeah, you're probably right." Rob said as he stood. "Blake, would you carry her up?"
"Sure." Blake said as he stood. He walked to Rob's office and smiled as he poked his head in. "Hey Ravyn." he said quietly as he walked to the desk. "I'm gonna take you up to your room." he told her as he reached down and tucked the sheet around her and lifted her up. "If I hurt you, just say so."
Blake picked Ravyn up. The statement on her face resembled the one she use to carry when they had first found her. The only difference was the pain he could see in her eyes. They weren't dead and cold looking like they had been before. Now, they were much worse.
Phillip smiled as Blake carried Ravyn into the room and sat her on the bed. "Is she going to be okay?" he asked as Ravyn was seated.
"Yeah, Rob seems to think so.'
"Good. I'll take care of her." Phillip said as Blake stood back up.
"Okay, if you need anything, just give us a yell."
"We'll be fine, won't we Miss Ravyn." he said still smiling.
Blake gave Ravyn a sad smile before turning and leaving the room. He shut the door behind him and listened for a few minutes as Phillip talked to her. He acted as if nothing was wrong with her.
"How would you like to get cleaned up? I think you'll feel much better once we get this blood off of you." Phillip told her as he turned to the bathroom. Starting a bath, Phillip walked back into the bedroom and looked at Ravyn. She was just sitting on the bed, staring across the room. He had heard every detail of what had happened from the others and he was worried about her.
"Okay, let's get you in the tub." Phillip said as he looked down at her. She never moved or blinked. Phillip sighed lightly before sitting down beside her. "Everything will be fine Miss Ravyn. Don't worry. He loves you." he told her softly.
Ravyn turned her head and looked up at him as huge tears started to roll down her face.
Phillip reached over, wrapping an arm around her shoulder as she leaned into him and cried. "Oh, come now...don't you worry about a thing." Phillip told her as he lightly stroked her hair with his other hand. "That young man of yours will be here just as soon as he realizes what a terrible mistake he's made."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Hey...how is she?" Dawn asked as Phillip made his way back down into the lounge.
"She's...." Phillip sighed as he looked at Dawn. "I really can't say Miss Dawn. She's in a lot of pain."
Dawn sighed lightly as she looked at him. "Did she say anything?"
"No" Phillip told her as he sat down. "She hasn't spoken. She had a real hard cry, that always seems to help. Therapeutic, helps a person to heal."
"I'm not sure there is a cure for a broken heart."
Phillip looked sadly at Dawn and shook his head. "Do you think he'll come back?"
Dawn looked up at him and smiled. "Yeah....he loves her; he'll be back."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Ravyn was lying on the bed, staring at the wall. Her eyes were burning from crying. She had never felt so dead in her life. The things Spike had screamed at her played over in her head. She was lost. She didn't know what to do to make him see the truth.
Angelus made sure that if Spike ever did find her, that he wouldn't want her. The bite mark was made deliberately. He laughed after he had done it, saying she `would' be his now. Spike wouldn't want her with another mans bite on her. He was right.
Ravyn rolled over and looked at the phone before reaching out for it. She dialed his number and waited. She smiled sadly when the machine picked up.
Spike stood by the kitchen counter, listening as his message played through. He could see that the call was from the hotel and his blood almost boiled as he waited.
"I love you Spike" Ravyn said softly after the message ended and she waited, hopeing he would pick up. She frowned when the line went dead.
Spike was breathing heavily as he grabbed the machine and jerked the cord from the wall. He threw the machine across the room, watching as it hit the wall and crumbled. "I don't care." he said through clenched teeth as he stared at the remains of the answering machine.
Ravyn replaced the phone as new tears filled her eyes. She wiped them away as she closed her eyes. "I'll always love you."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The gang went about their usual business for the next several days. No one had seen Ravyn or Angel since that night. They both stayed locked up in their rooms, only allowing Phillip to enter.
Dawn had called Spike's a few times only to hang up after he never answered. She had received all of Ravyn`s things by courier and knew he had no plans of coming back around. She had thought he just need some time to work it all out, they all did, but she never dreamed he`d go as far as to ship her things to the hotel.
Dawn smiled big as Angel walked around the corner. He looked much better than he had. "Hey....how are you?" she asked surprised he had finally came out.
Angel gave her a strained smile. "Been better."
"I'm really sorry Angel. If there's anything...."
"It's okay Dawn." Angel told her as he walked to her desk. "Is Ravyn still here?" he asked her softly. "I have some things I need to say to her."
"Yeah, she's still here."
"Miss Dawn" Phillip said as he came down the steps. "Did you see Miss Ravyn come down?"
Dawn and Angel looked at him as he hurried through the lobby. He was wide-eyed as he looked into the lounge.
"She's not in her room?" Dawn asked as she stood.
"No.....I just went to check on her and she's not there."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Ravyn took a deep breath as she slowly started down the driveway. She knew this wasn't going to be easy, but she had to try and explain what happened. She had to make him see that what he thought had happened was just a lie used to hurt him.
She couldn't stand being away from him. She missed him more than she ever had before. It didn't matter to her what he had said or what he had done. She loved him and needed him. She wasn't complete with him not in her life.
Spike was sitting on the deck with his feet propped up on the railing. He had spent the last three nights out there, drinking the night away as he watched the waves roll in. He tried with everything in him to not think of 'her' but he always failed. She was all he thought about. He couldn't get past his anger at her and he wasn't sure he ever would.
He had tried for days to analyze what had happened. He still hadn't figured out if her being unfaithful to him was what was really bothering him or if it was the fact that it was Angelus she was unfaithful with. He knew how Angelus worked, he just didn't think Ravyn would fall for it.
Ravyn walked to the steps and froze when she saw him sitting there. She thought she actually felt her heart skip a beat as she looked at him. She could see the large bruises that cover his face and his hand was wrapped. She had to fight her tears as she looked at him and remembered that night.
Spike caught Ravyn's scent and slowly turned his head. He couldn't believe she was standing there. He just sat there looking at her as she stood at the end of the deck and he had to force himself not to go to her and beg her to forgive him, but his memory of what she had done kicked him hard enough for him to resent the very sight of her.
"Hey" Ravyn said softly when he looked over at her. She waited as he continued to look at her. She wanted nothing more than to run to him and tell him how much she loved him and how much she missed him, but knew she couldn't, not yet.
Spike sighed lightly before he removed his feet from the rail. He stood and faced her, seeing the sadness in her eyes and wondered if it was because she had hurt him or because she had been caught.
"I don't want you here...don`t come back." he said hatefully before he turned and started for the door.
Ravyn's eyes tiered up instantly as his words reached her. "I love you" she whispered as she watched him walk to the door and go inside, her tears falling as she heard the locks click in place. It felt as if someone had reached in and tore her heart from her chest. She stood there, staring at the closed door as her tears continued to fall.
Looking out at the ocean, Ravyn's breath hitched in her throat as the reality that `he didn't want her anymore' finally sank in. She reached up, wiping her tears away before looking back at the door. She wrapped her arms around herself as her heart crumbled to nothing and turned slowly, starting back up the driveway.
Spike stood with his head leaned on the door. He had heard her whispered words and he was having trouble controlling his breathing as the pain in his chest that he had finally rid himself of came back. Had she not caused enough pain? He took a deep breath before he walked to his room.
He walked to his window and looked out, seeing her as she went back up the driveway. He watched her as she walked to the road. Ravyn stopped and turned, looking back at the house and Spike stared at her. Even at this distance he could see the pain on her face. He closed his eyes as he lay his head on the cold windowpane. He loved her so much it hurt but he would never be able to forgive her for what she had done. How could he?
Lifting his head he looked back up and watched as she started down the road. He blinked his eyes, pushing the tears that were trying to form away as she slowly walked into the night. "Good-bye Ravyn" he said softly as she disappeared out of sight.
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Once and Again