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What are we gonna do now?	By : norwalker Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > FemmeSlash - Female/Female > Buffy/Faith Views: 3568 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 13
- 14
- 15
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What are we gonna do now?

Chapter 14

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London, England, late in the evening.

Rupert Giles has been sitting in the study for hours. Despite the stack of books he has on the table beside his chair, he seems to be staring more into space than studying. The room, lit by a few lamps, is a mixture of light and shadows. It rather reflects his thoughts.

He was tired. Tired of the politics of the Watcher’s Council. He had spent over 2 years now organizing and rebuilding it, and he was ready for something else. The Ripper in him demanded something besides the faceless paper pushing that he had become more and more ensnared in. He craved field work again. Something with a bit more action than approving the latest budget or planning the newest watcher retreat. He hadn’t realized how much he missed it ‘til Buffy left London to return to L.A. and he missed her. Missed her like he hadn’t expected to miss her. And now this troubling news about her.

He had a phone call from Angel the other day, and it still disturbed him. He was still having problems with what Angel had relayed to him. It just didn’t fit. But it wasn’t like Angel to make up stories. Especially not about Buffy. And that worried him.

He found it hard to believe that Buffy and Faith had done what Angel had said. Especially, Buffy. Not without at least a good reason. Buffy could be impulsive; so could Faith. But they both usually worked out of good motives. So why had they broken into a secret facility and ransacked that office? It wasn’t just out of meanness, or spite. Something was going on, something that nagged at Giles.

He had been reading of late from the Katsui Chronicles. They were a set of predictions from a blind seer in the early part of the Christian era. The meanings were often obscure, and the details were sketchy. A good majority of the council dismissed them as the ravings of a madman. But Giles had studied them closer, and they had a troubling accuracy of those events they foretold.

One in particular had struck him. It was one of the last in the Chronicles:

After the end of days shall come a time of quiet. There has been the defeat of a great evil. However, do not be blind. Be wary, for in the darkness there builds a great force, one to destroy the light.

It is an old force, one as old as time itself. It be as old as time, and light, and darkness. It comes out of the Chaos to rule this reality, to make the light dark.

It shall come from sources not known, or knowable. It will take the form of pleasing things, until that time that it will reveal itself.

There shall arise out of the light a force, a force of champions. They will be led by one of the light, one of the dark, and one of the earth. In the center shall be the one who was not, but is now, who was born of the light, but not born by the light.

A great battle shall be enjoined. Many will be lost, and many will be found . All is not clear how it will end. I cannot see what the outcome will be, it's obscured in the fog of time

Beware, for those you trust may betray you. They who seek power over the darkness may find themselves enwrapped within it.

He sighed. It was all so damned confusing. Some parts were clear, some obscure in meaning. It would require more study, and cross referencing with other texts. But the last line in particular chilled him.

Who was he to trust, then? It had been a long hard road to trust Angel again after what had happened when he lost his soul in Sunnydale. But over the years he had proven time and again that with a soul, he was a valuable ally. Yet, for some reason, he seems to have turned away from Buffy. And from Faith. And that was particularly disturbing. He had been the one champion of Faith’s redemption. Even after what she had done to him and Buffy, he had made it a priority to bring Faith back from the darkness.

And he had to admit, he was still a little leery of the resurrection of Cordelia. Not of herself : She seemed to be as he remembered her. Perhaps a bit more depth, but he supposed a coma, and life, would do that to you. What bothered him, he supposed, was that she recovered so quickly. She had been in a coma for a long time. It takes time and rehabilitation to come back from something like that. But she had made a remarkable, nearly instant, recovery.

And then there was the sudden blossoming of a relationship between him and Cordelia. He had known Angel for years. And Angel, despite leaving Buffy in Sunnydale …my… What? Nearly 7 years ago, had carried a torch for Buffy. Always. But now it seemed all twisted up.

And he had to admit, he did NOT like Angel working at the offices of Wolfram and Hart. He didn’t care that Angel was CEO, that he had the run of the place, that he was , as the Americans liked to put it, “In Charge”. Working at a place like that, dedicated to evil in so many dimensions, had to have an effect on the soul.

He to to think. Something just didn’t set right with him. In all the time he had known Buffy, she always did what was best. Even when it cost her. Cost her too much. Even with her illness, he couldn’t believe she was just acting irrationally, or from a bad place, a paranoid place. No, something just wasn’t right here, and he had to get to the core of it.

It was getting late. Maybe time for bed. He took out his watch. The one Buffy had given him. He opened the face, and the inscription on the face hit him particularly hard at this moment:

To Giles:

The man who has been more than a father to me

Love always, Buffy

No, time for thinking was over. She needed his help, they needed his help. Whether they realized it yet, or not.

He picked up the phone, and dialed a number. He hoped she was in. somehow, he felt, from reading the prophecy, that both Buffy and he would be needing her close at hand.

The person on the other end of the phone answered, and he said. “ Hello. I think you better come to London”

~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~

Breakfast in Willow’s kitchen the next morning was somewhat… uncomfortable.

Ok, maybe that is a tad bit of an understatement.

We had one slayer(blonde)still trying to figure out why her best friend was running hot and cold. We hasecosecond slayer(Not Blonde) who knew what was what, but also knew some serious talking had to go on here, or something was going to pop. Then we had a certain Red-headed Wicca who was trying once again to subsume her feelings, and was overcompensating. She hit all the right notes, but they didn’t ring true.

“ So…uh… did you both sleep ok last night? I mean… I know the mattress is a little lumpy. I keep meaning to get that taken care of, but I just don’t have many guests over, so I never really think about it. It’s not like the old days. Like when Buffy and I had sleep-overs, and such. I really ramble around this house alone a lot. Ya know? That’s me, ramble girl. I mean, not rambling girl, but…well… I guess I just don’t think about such things much. Well, sometimes, but not when it’s handy…you know?” Willow is definitely in babble mode.

“ It was fine, Will. No lumpiness here. We slept fine” Buffy smiles at Willow, and is still trying to figure out what’s going on. Sometimes, for being as smart as she is, she can be rather… blind.

“ YeRed,Red, it was great, all nice and comfy” Faith said, thinking Oh, brother. Mattresses?

Small pause while someone tries to figure something to say.

“ So…cold this time of year, here. I mean, I thought London was cold. But Massachusetts gets really cold, huh?” Buffy says, trying to break the silence.

“ Oh…yeah, it gets really cold. I mean, not as bad here, close to the ocean, but inland… yeah, lots of snow and ice and stuff. Can be really chilly, you know ? Was tough at first, but I’m pretty used to it by now. Guess you two really feeling it though, considering …you know, California, sunshine, no snow…that kinda stuff” Willow can’t help babbling, especially when she is nervous…and she is a whole lotta nervous. Considering Faith knows what she knows, and is right there, and can say something at any time, and that would be a disaster, …God, she has me doing it now.

As for Faith…well, she is not known for her patience. Right now, it's more like disgust. She has to get out of here, before she blows her top. And these two need to have a little talk. Bad.

Faith stand up from the table, and heads to grab her coat.

“ Look , guys, I think I need to take a little walk. You know, look around some. Get my blood pumping. It would probably be a good time for you two to have a little chat” Faith looks pointedly at Willow, who looks away. “Yeah, you know…about old times. So, I’ll be back later. Seeya.” Faith makes a quick exit, before someone can stop her. ‘ Right now the cold air seems a whole lot better than this place’ she mutters to herself.

The kitchen is quiet while both women watch the departing Faith. Willow gets up, and starts collecting the plate. She has lost her appetite, and figures everyone else has, also. She takes them to the sink, and makes like she is busy with them. Buffy looks at her, and her confusion grows. Buffy really doesn’t like being confused.

She gets up and stands behind Willow. She watches her. She can sense she is avoiding something. Ok, enough. Just ask.

“Ok, Will… what is it? What’s going on?” Buffy blurts out. Never one to tiptoe around things. Much.

Willow makes like she is busy, and answers offhandedly “ Going on? I don’t know what you mean, Buffy”

“ Ok, Will. Color me stupid, if you want. But you’ve been acting strange since Faith and I got here. I mean, it’s been hot and cold running Willow. So, what’s the deal, Will?”

“ Well, Gee, Buffy. I mean, all of a sudden, out of the blue, you call telling me you and Faith are in some kind of trouble. Of course I want to help, but I mean …I really don’t know anything about it, or what * I * can do. And then here you are, and all. And I’ve been Busy at work, and with the Wicca, so it’s like been hard trying to rearrange everything and all… you know?” Willow is avoiding the issue.

“ Will… If Faith and I being here is … interfering with something, …ummm…well… we can find someplace in town to stay.” Buffy is a little hurt, but covers. “ Sorry, Will, just thought you being my best friend, it wouldn’t be a deal. But…”

“No, no…Buffy, plenty of room. Not a big. Just…well, best friend. Right. But, like, when was the last time we really were best friends, Buffy? I mean really? Two years ago, more? Things change, Buffy, people change. So…”

“ Naw, Will. I’m really sorry. Of course you have a life. It was rude of me to just expect you to drop everything” Buffy says, smarting a little under the criticism. “ Faith and I will go. Sorry. Wrong of me to involve you in this “ Buffy smiles, but her heart is more than a little wounded. But , hey, deserved it, right? I haven’t been that great a friend to Will.

“No, Buffy. You’re both here. Lets do this. Maybe I can help. Don’t know, but until I know the story, guess I won’t know, huh?” Will says, trying to bridge the chasm she has just dug between herself and Buffy.

“ Will. You made some good points, and you’re right. I was wrong. Thinking things would always be the same between us. Dumb me” Buffy grins, a little sadly. “ This really doesn’t concern you, and maybe best you’re not involved. Could get ugly, and I’d hate to see you get hurt.” Buffy doesn’t realize the subtext here, and how each of those points are like darts to Willow’s heart. “ One other thing, Will, Ok? Friend to friend. I mean, I’m still your friend, in some way, right?”

“Buffy… I didn’t mean…” Willow starts, really afraid now. Buffy stops her.

“Hey, Will. It’s ok. I got it” Buffy smiles, but it doesn’t reach her eyes “ Look, All I’m saying is, maybe you spend too much time by yourself? I don’t know. I could be way off here. But in the short time we’ve been here, and from what you say, seems like you don’t…aren’t making…well…don’t have someone close you can talk to. Like we used to do. I’m not even saying a lover, or anything. Just someone you can talk to, when you need to. Ok?” Buffy stops. This really hurts. She sighs. “ Well… anyway, I’ll pack our stuff and when Faith gets back from her walk, we’ll be off. Could you drive us back into town so we can catch a bus back to Boston? I’d appreciate it.” Buffy says. She starts to head up the stairs.

“No. Buffy. Wait. Please!” Willow calls out to her. She is dying here. She has to say something, or she’s about to lose Buffy completely.

“Yeah, Will?” Buffy asks. She really doesn’t want to drag this out. Hurts too much.

“Look… Buffy. I … I haven’t….I’m not…”Willow stutters out.

“Will…it’s ok. You can tell me anything. You know that. That hasn’t changed, I hope” Buffy encourages her.

“ I love you, Buffy” Will blurts it out.

“ Will, I love you too” Buffy says, not getting the meaning of what Will said.

“No…I love you Buffy” Will says, trying to make it clearer.

“Will…I love you too. I mean, you’re still my friend” Buffy smiles.

Willow is done. She just confessed her feelings to Buffy, and Buffy goes blithely on, like they’re talking about the weather. Damn her, anyway

“Dammit Buffy, I can’t believe you. Don’t you listen? God, I swear, sometimes Buffy Summers, talking to you is like talking to a wall” Willow is pissed off royally. “ You know, maybe you’re right. Maybe you aaithaith should go. Please. Go!”

She storms up the stairs, to her room, and slams the door. She leaves behind a very confused Buffy.

“What? What did I do now?” Buffy looks after Willow, perplexed.

Buffy looks up the stairs, at Willow’s now shut door.

Think, think Buffy. She told you something, and you’re just not connecting the dots. Ok. Lets see. We went through that whole friend thing. I … don’t think that was it, though. It wasn’t ‘til after she stopped me on the stairs that she got… upset. Ok, what did we say?

I told her she can tell me anything. Alright, that is true enough. Then she said “ I love you” and I said “ I love you”. Ok. Then she said it again “ No…I love you Buffy”. At that moment, the pieces fall into place

I love you Buffy

oh

OH!

Oh my god, I’m so stupid. Buffy, what, is the blonde reaching the brain now? Stupid, stupid, stupid!!!!

Buffy, feeling somewhat chastened, and very, very, foolish, goes upstairs.

~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~

Buffy stands at Willow’s door, undecided. Should she knock, or wait for her to come out? Or just run now? She sighs, knowing no matter what, this probably isn’t going to be pleasant. Oh, and she’s kicking herself for being so stupid and insensitive.

“ Will? Willow? Can we talk?” Buffy knocks, and speaks through the door.

“ Go away Buffy. Please? You don’t get it. You never ‘get it’. So, just go and let me alone, ok? There’s nothing to talk about”

“ You’re right, Will. I didn’t get it. But I got it now. And we need to talk about it” Buffy says, hoping that Willow will open the door

“ What did you ‘get’ Buffy?” Willow calls through the door

“ That you love me, Will” Buffy calls back. She hears an exasperated sigh. “ That your IN love with me, Will” She amends.

There is silence on the other side of the door. Then Buffy hears the lock click, and after a bit, “ Come in”

Buffy walks in. Will is on the bed. She sees Willow has been crying, her eyes are red and puffy. She also sees a few things have gotten broken in the room…she suspects in the last few minutes. She stands, away from the bed, nearly in the doorway, and faces Willow.

“ I’m sorry, Willow. I didn’t realize how you felt” Buffy apologizes, feeling every bit the idiot.

“Well, I guess that’s no big secret, is it, Buffy?” Willow replies. Her voice is calm, but there are undertones of anger, hurt and a trace of bitterness.

“ Well, Willow, you haven’t exactly been upfront with me about it, have you?” Buffy retorts, a bit stung by Willow’s tone. “ I mean, was I supposed to read your mind?”

“No,” Willow admits, but then flings at her, “ But maybe you could have opened your eyes a little to what was in front of your nose”

“What? What do you mean?”

“ My Goddess, Buffy. Are you really that naïve? Think, Buffy, think. I could’ve gone to what? Dozens of schools, including Oxford, Harvard and Yale. But where did I go ? University of Sunnydale. Why? Do you really think it was for the academic program? That day, at Sunnydale High, under the tree, when I told you? That I was going to UC Sunnydale, and I saw your face light up, and you said “ I think I love you, Will” I almost stopped breathing. ‘Til I realized you meant “ I love you like a friend, Will”. But for a second there, Buffy, my heart was beating so hard, I thought it would beat out of my chest. I was sooo happy. Even when I realized what you meant, I still was happy, cause you were so happy.”

“When Oz broke up with me, left me to ‘find himself’ and I moved into your dorm room. Don’t you think I …oh, god, I wanted so much for you to ‘comfort’ me, hoping the ‘comfort’ would lead to more. And it didn’t”

“Then I fell for Tara. And there is no question I loved her deeply, honestly, with my soul. But still, still you haunted me, invaded my thoughts, and were a big part of my life. Tara was always afraid, rightly so, that I was advancing too fast in the arts, using them without thinking. And why? Because I wanted to be more powerful, more useful… to you. You needed me, and I needed you to need me.”

“When you leaped off that tower, to stop the dimensional portals from opening, I thought I would die too. I couldn’t conceive of a life without you in it, Buffy. Why do you think I risked using Osiris to bring you back? Any clue how dangerous that was? But … living without you wasn’t living.”

“ When Tara left me after casting the Tabula Rasa spell, god, I needed you the most then. I needed someone to tell me it would be ok. Everything would be ok. And…you tried, I guess in your way. But I needed so much more. I guess it …wasn’t something you could give.”

“Aw, what’s the point of this? I could go on and on, and still it would lead to the same thing. You don’t feel for me, like I feel for you. You never have, Buffy, and I guess it hurt too much to realize that. I rationalized it with “ Well, she simply isn’t … into women” and that helped. A lot. But then, you show up with Faith, and you’re together. And that just knocked me way back. It was like being punched in the jaw and stomach, at the same time. So yeah, I been acting weird. I think I have reason to.”

Buffy is silent. She walks to a chair, and sits down. She stares at the floor. Willow just watches her, waiting for some kind of reaction. Finally, in a very quiet voice, Buffy says “ It might not have been 100 percent one sided, Will”. Willow doesn’t say anything, but just stares at her. She continues. “ I…might…ok, truth, I did have feelings for you too, Will. Problem was, unlike you, I wasn’t brave about …my sexuality. I didn’t …couldn’t…at that time. It wasn’t ‘til after we defeated the first, and I started to realize what love really meant, that I could face those kind of feelings in me. But by that time I was facing other issues”. Buffy halts….then explains briefly illoillow about her breakdown in London. Willow hadn’t known about it, and was wide-eyed. “ Until I was …on my way to recovery, I wasn’t ready for love of any kind. And then I got the assignment in L.A. and I …renewed my acquaintance with Faith, and one thing…just led to another, and we fell in love, Will.”

Both women are silent for awhile, then Willow speaks up.

“ Buffy, I’m sorry. About everything. But , frankly? I can’t see you together with Faith. I… I don’t hate her or anything, but it’s just too painful to watch you two together. I … hate to say this, but it’s probably best you both leave. I know someone in town, owns one of the Inns. Nice one. She owes me lots of favors. I’m sure I can persuade her to take you in without it costing anything. I still want to help you…help you both with what’s going on. So, we can meet like on neutral ground, or even here. But I just …can’t have you both here.” Willow is feeling real small, but it’s true, nonetheless

“ I… I go Wil Will. Of course. I’ll pack our stuff, and we’ll be gone, ‘K?” Buffy turns towards the door, and stops. She just stands, staring at the wall. Her shoulders slump, and she starts to sob. Willow looks at her, and her heart melts.

“Oh, Buffy, I’m…sorry baby. I …” She starts, but Buffy waves her off.

“ No…I’m sorry Will. I… It just hurts that I’m losing my best friend. Someone who’s been a large part of my life for so much of my life.” Buffy clenches her fists, trying to hold back the tears, but it really, really hurts. She can’t stop them, and the tears just roll down her cheeks. She starts for the door, but Willow stops her. She turns Buffy around, and takes her into a hug. She comforts Buffy, and then says. “ Buffy, we don’t have to hate each other. Just…you gotta understand how I feel here.” Buffy nods, but the tears just keep coming. Willow starts to brush them away…but the closeness of Buffy, and the emotion, just makes her stop thinking. She starts to kiss away Buffy’s tears… then she captures Buffy’s lips in a kiss. At first, Buffy doesn’t react…but then she panics , big time. She breaks the embrace, and backs away from Will. Her face is a mask of confusion.

“Will…. NO! this can’t….this can’t happen. I…I …I better go…get packed. I gotta go” Buffy turns, and practically runs out of the room.

Willow just watches her go, her heart breaking.

~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~
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