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Once More With Feeling	By : TiffersTaffy Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > Het - Male/Female > Buffy/Giles Views: 4209 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own "Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or it's characters. I do not make any money from this story.

Chapter List
- 12
- 13
- 14
Chapter 13:
Didn't You Know How Much I Loved You

Disclaimer: Kellie Pickler Song Didn't You Know How Much I Loved
You Inspiration for Chapter Title

For the better
part of the day, Buffy wondered the streets of Sunnydale lost in
her own thoughts. She felt a variety of emotions; from feeling
terribly depressed, to anger, to pain, and to sorrow. She would
have never thought Giles was going to leave her. He had been acting
strange since Glory hurt him, but she just figured he was still in
shock. She just couldn't understand why he wanted to leave her. She
had given herself to him, her whole heart and soul. She hadn't done
that for anyone since Angel, and she had been hesitate to even do
it again. But, after what the Spirit Guide had told her, she had
given him a chance. And then she remembered another part of the
speech. She had done just what she had been told; risk the pain,
because the slayer forges strength from pain. But the next part she
was told to do would be the hardest of them all. Love, Give,
Forgive, she thought to herself as she stood outside of the
Magic Box. She didn't even know how she had arrived at the place,
but she had. Her instincts had been to run to her Watcher, even
though he was the one who had hurt her. It had always been that
way, even when she wasn't head over heels in love with him.

But, Forgiveness
was the farthest thing from her mind. It would take a long time for
her to forgive Giles for leaving her. She may not ever be able to
do it, but she would have to try. Because, Love would bring her to
her gift. She couldn't give up on love, no matter how much she
wanted to. Romantic Love would be the farthest thing from her mind
for a while, but friendship and family love would be what would get
her through this hard time and lead her to her "gift".
And Buffy was pretty sure she knew what the gift was now. The gift
was the life growing inside her; her child. The Spirit Guide had
told her this all was going to happen. It may have been in broad
terms, but it was still word for word what had just happened to
her. Buffy kicked herself mentally for not being able to figure it
out sooner.

She sighed, wiping
a few tears from her face as she pulled the door open, seeing that
all of the Scoobies had gathered. The relief on their faces was
apparent to her as she walked into the shop, closing the door
behind her. She kept expecting Giles to be sitting there at the
table with them, but she knew he wasn't there. She felt herself
tearing up again, and shook her head as Dawn stepped forward.

"Buffy, are
you - "

"He's gone,
Dawn..."

"Who? Giles?"

All Buffy could do
was nod to her sister. Buffy felt her baby sister's arms wrapping
around her, and she hugged her back. Buffy wanted to cry, but she
couldn't cry anymore. She had been crying for the better part of
the day, and the tears just wouldn't come. She felt Willow by her
side, and the both of them helped her to the table. She looked up
to see Xander sitting beside her, with Anya close on his other
side. Dawn had sat beside Buffy, and Willow and Tara were sitting
beside Dawn. It was one big circle; one big happy family. All they
were missing was the man who had kept them all together for so
long.

"Well, that
explains why we couldn't find him. What do you mean he's gone,
exactly?"

"He went back
to England...he left – he left us, Xander."

"What about
the shop? I mean, what about the money? Cause I would like to keep
my job. I like the money"

"I don't
know, Anya. He said he would be back – one day."

Buffy played with
the sleeve of her jacket, not letting her eyes meet with any of her
friends. She didn't know what to tell them. She looked to Willow,
who had been watching her friend very closely. She nodded to Buffy,
the unwritten communication between them was apparent to the whole
group. Buffy stood up, looking down at her friends and her only
family.

"I have
something to tell you all. The reason why I went to see Giles
today, but not the reason why he left. I – I'm pregnant."

She let her eyes
wonder from person to person, judging their reactions. Every single
one of them seemed a little shocked, but not surprised. Dawn was
the first to speak, trying her best to keep a somewhat shocked but
happy face.

"Well, I
guess that explains the constant vomiting at four a.m, right?"

"Yeah...I
guess it does."

"Giles
doesn't know?"

"I couldn't
tell him, Xander He was already set to leave. I didn't think it
would change his mind."

She looked down at
the end of her statement, playing with her jacket sleeve again.
Willow stood up and came around, hugging her. Buffy looked up,
seeing the smile on her friend's face. Xander, Dawn, and Tara
joined her shortly after, hugging her as well. She had never felt
so much love in all her life, and it helped the pain from being
dumped and left eased off.

"Well, Giles
is a moron for leaving, but I'm not going anywhere. We will be here
for you, right guys?"

All her friends
spoke in agreement and she sighed, feeling a few happy tears
falling down her face. She watched them all pull away. She knew
that Xander was not exactly thrilled that his best friend was
pregnant at such a young age. Hell, she could sense that all of
them would rather it not had happened. But, she was thankful for
all the attention and love she was receiving. Her and her child
would be safe. No one would hurt them. Not with all her friends
helping her.

"But now, we
really need to find Glory and come up with a plan to get rid of
her. I won't let her get to Dawn, or to my child."

"What do you
want us to do, Buffy?"

"Just
starting doing more research and stuff. I have to make a phone
call."

Buffy moved from
her friends to the phone in Giles' little cubbyhole of an office.
She stopped when she noticed that he had left a note. It was
addressed to her, and to the others. She didn't know if she could
read it or not. It would hurt too much. She felt herself walking
towards the note even though she wanted to leave it there. She
picked it up, letting her eyes scan over the words:

Buffy,

I'm sorry to
leave like this. I know I hurt you. I hate to think about it.

But, you will
understand in time why I had to leave. I can not keep risking

your life every
time I get hurt. I'm an old man, Buffy. I'm weak, and I'm

not worth your
trouble or protection. I don't want your death on my hands.

These past few
months have been some of the happiest moments of my life,

and I thank you
for the love you showed me. I love you more than I have

loved anyone in
my life, and it pains me leave your side for even a moment.

But, in the
end, this will make you a stronger Slayer, a stronger mother

to your baby
sister, and a stronger friend. I hope you will one day receive all

the happiness
you deserve. I don't expect you to be waiting for me when I

return, but I
will keep the hope alive I will one day be in your arms again.

I pray that you
will forgive me. Give my love to the others, and

tell Anya she
is in charge of the shop until I return with

the answers
about Glory. Be safe, my darling, and

remember that I
do love you.

Giles

She could feel the
tears beginning to fall as she read the note. It was the most
beautiful love letter she had ever read, and it was all about her.
She didn't know what to think or to feel at the moment. He truly
did believe that he was doing the right thing by leaving. And from
what his letter said, he hadn't wanted to hurt her. She turned to
see Dawn standing in the doorway.

"You okay,
Buffy?"

"Yeah...Giles
left this note – for me."

Dawn moved to her
sister's side and read the words written on the small piece of
paper. When she finished, she move a hand to her sister's hair,
pulling her into a side hug. She spoke to her big sister in a small
voice, feeling a small tear falling down her face. Buffy pulled out
of the hug, grinning at her through the tears.

"He does love
you. These words prove it."

"I feel like
a fool for every doubting it."

"He'll be
back, Buffy. I know he will."

Buffy nodded,
straightening herself. She handed the note to Dawn, and told her to
go and show it to the others. She turned back to the phone, picking
it up in her hands. She dialed the number slowly, and waited for
the click on the other end. She smiled as she heard the voice on
the other end answering.

"Hello?"

"Angel? It's
– Buffy. I have a job for you."

It took Angel
about two weeks to arrive in Sunnydale, after wrapping up a few of
the other cases that he was working on. Buffy had been busy
tracking down Glory. She met him at her house, and the pair sat in
the living room. Buffy had been to the doctor the day before and
had her pregnancy confirmed. She was exactly three months along. It
made sense in her head, but she still couldn't believe it was
happening to her. She was dressed in a black sweater that was a bit
big on her and a pair of blue jeans. She had been gaining a little
bit of weight, and it felt strange to her. Angel wore his usual
black attire, and sat on the couch beside her, looking around at
the living room. It hadn't really changed a bit since the last time
he was there. After a few silent moments, Angel was the first to
speak.

"I'm sorry
about everything that's happened to you, Buffy."

"It's not
your fault. It's a path I have to take. Giles is right. It will
make me stronger in the end."

"And he
doesn't know about the pregnancy?"

"No. I
couldn't tell him. I was angry that he was leaving me, and I didn't
think it would change anything."

"But now you
regret your decision?"

"Yes."

She spoke softly,
her voice shaking as the sentence seeped from her lips. Angel
sighed and stood up, shaking his head before turning back to her.

"You want me
to find him, right? That's the job, isn't it?"

"Yes...Is
that a problem?"

"No, Buffy.
Of course not. I just don't know if I can do it."

"I know you
can. All you have to do is find him, and tell him. It's not hard. I
would do it myself, but I have to stay here in case Glory pops up
again."

She was now on her
feet and standing in front of Angel. Regardless of his feelings for
Giles or for Buffy, she knew he would take the job. He had this
vendetta now that he had to help the helpless, and Buffy was
feeling pretty helpless at the moment. He nodded, and leaned down,
pulling her into a hug.

"I will try
my best, Buffy. But, knowing Giles if he wants to be hidden, he
will stay that way."

"All I know
is that he staying with a coven in Devon..."

"It's a
start, at least. Cordy and I will start looking. I will call you as
soon as I find anything."

Angel pulled from
the hug and walked off to the door, opening it and walking out.
Buffy stood near the door, and close the door behind her friend.
She would owe Angel a favor now. She turned to see Dawn standing
behind her. She forced a smile and wondered back over to the couch,
sitting down beside her sister. Buffy pulled the blanket onto her
shoulders, sighing as Buffy spoke.

"He's going
to find Giles?"

"Yes."

"I hope he
does. We all need him back."

Buffy nodded,
staring off into space. She had to keep Glory at bay for as long as
she could. Giles would come back and have all the answers that they
would need to be able to defeat her. She just knew it. Buffy closed
her eyes and laid her head back against the side of the couch,
curling up. A long night of beating up vampires and demons trying
to find information about were Glory had ran off to was hard work.
A few moments later she had drifted off to sleep. Dawn stood up and
covered her sister with another blanket, and left the room. Angel
had better find him soon, Dawn thought as she climbed the
stairs to get ready for school, Because who knows how much more
of this Buffy can take.
- 12
- 13
- 14
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Once More With Feeling