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Heart's Desire	By : PencilNeck Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > FemmeSlash - Female/Female > Buffy/Faith Views: 9582 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 12
- 13
- 14
Chapter 13: Don�t
You Want Me Baby

Buffy walks determinedly down the hall. Ignoring the stares from the people she
passes. Smiling weakly
at the stream of �Nice to see you, Ms. Summers� and �Good to have you back, Ms.
Summers� that come out halfheartedly, stuttered and surprised. It doesn�t matter. They can�t think worse of her than she thinks
of herself.

But she�s got to do her job. So she�s going to see Giles.

She reaches the end of the main hallway, and quickly turns
left. It�s not the fastest route, but
it�s the quietest. Nobody comes down
this way. It�s too twisty. She turns, walking backward, to see if any
curious eyes have followed her.
Nope. All
clear. She whips back around.

And freezes.

Maybe if she doesn�t move.
Maybe she can hide. Maybe�

�Hey.� Faith�s voice
startles her out of her fear.

�Hey.� Buffy�s eyes
flicker over the girl standing before her.
Not catching her glance.

�So you are back. I
thought I�� The
dark haired woman takes a tentative step forward.

�Yeah.�

�You got my message then?�
Another few steps.

�Yeah�� Buffy knows
that there are more words. Lots of words. Whole
books full of words. But she doesn�t
seem to know any of them.

�Look at me.� There�s
a tenderness there, threaded in with the gravel and bitterness.

�I� I can�t.� Buffy
tries to turn away.

�Look. At. Me.� Faith takes one quick step, and grabs her
wrist.

There�s a shock of white.
A burning heat.
Buffy�s eyes are forced open, forced to look up.

Wha�?

Hell if I know� Faith shrugs her shoulders.

Buffy tries to get away, wrench her hand from Faith�s
grasp. But it�s no good. God, I
can�t do this. I can�t do this right
now. If I could just�

Can�t do what?

Buffy�s eyes widen. Was that out loud?

No. Faith grabs her other wrist, sliding her
hands into Buffy�s and lacing their fingers together. Rubbing her thumb across
the soft skin between Buffy�s thumb and index finger. Trying to calm the girl
down. We need to get past this.

How? How can you just forgive me? I can�t�
Faith can feel Buffy�s guilt, her fear. Her shame.

Whoa! Jumping the gun
a bit, aren�t ya! I never said anything about forgiving. But we have to deal. Can�t
just avoid each other. Buffy
gets hit with warmth that doesn�t belong to her. And steel behind it. Sacred
duty, end of the world� Anything sound familiar?

Oh. Buffy knows that her disappointment, her
sadness, is on display. She still tries
to cover. Vaguely, I guess. Even
though her lip isn�t moving, Faith can feel Buffy�s pout.

Let me in. Just let me in. Coaxing, not pleading. Strong and firm and it�s
right. Scary as hell, but it�s fair and
it�s right.

OK. It�s a small word. But it�s also the biggest, hardest word
ever.

Eventually, Buffy feels herself opening up. Letting go. And she can feel Faith.

Faith feels good.

****************************

Willow walks
down the hall, toward the guest room.
She�d spent half an hour looking for Kennedy. She wasn�t in the training room. Or the dining hall. Or even in their room. Or rather the room that used to be theirs,
but is now only Kennedy�s. Thinking that
thought makes Willow very sad. Sadder than when she thought about the coffee
mugs. The ones that
have a half-heart on each one, in mirror image. So when you clink the mugs together, it�s
like touching hearts. Willow
loves those mugs.

With a sigh, she reaches her door, and twists the handle.

Kennedy looks up at her from the bed. All stoic and stony-faced.

�Hi baby! I mean� Hey there, you.� Willow
fights off the tears with a fierce gulp.

�Heard you were looking for me. Figured��
Kennedy gestures around her.

�It�s fine! It�s
totally fine. It�s more than fine. It�s swell!� Willow
breathes in and out. �I�m glad you�re
here.�

�So. We should uh� talk or something.� Kennedy looks around. Not at Willow.

Willow hovers at
the doorway. �Where should I� I mean�
I could sit in the chair, but it�s far away and I don�t want you to
think I�m all distant and not wanting to be near you. Or I could come sit
with you, but then whoa! Bed! And maybe
that�s the wrong thing for talking. With
the bed there, all looming with the innuendo��

�Come sit with me, Will.�
Kennedy has to smile. Willow
babble is adorable. �I won�t try
anything.�

�I might.� Willow
whispers under her breath. She closes
the door and sits down, leaving a generous space between her and her ex.

Kennedy starts, with a shaky breath and grim determination.

�I think you should know.
I�ve been� with� someone. For a while now. It�s
safe and it�s simple. She makes me as
happy�� Kennedy hears Willow
wincing, trying not to interrupt. She
puts her hand on Willow�s shoulder,
looks into her eyes. �You have to hear
this.�

�I know. I have no
right to be jealous, or say anything��
The dam bursts, and Willow
lets her tears fall. �I�m horrible. I left and I couldn�t say why and I�m a
jerk. A big stupid
jerk. And I�m sorry��

�Hey� It�s good that
you�re sorry. But I have to get this
out. �Kay?� Willow
nods, and tries to control herself. When
she�s quieted down to the occasional sniffle, Kennedy starts up again. �She
makes me as happy as I can be without you.
Which is saying a lot. But she and I know that it�s not love. She needed me and I needed her. Because neither of us could have what we
really want.�

Willow�s mouth
forms a big O as the realization hits. �Faith. You�re with
Faith. I unh�� Willow�s
face pales. She searches for the right
words. The proper
thing to say. But there�s
nothing.

�Yeah. It�s Faith.�
Kennedy searches Willow�s
face for something other than shock.

�Unh. Well, I guess that kinda makes sense. In a topsy turvy crazy land
kinda way. Not that I�m
judging! No-sir-ee. Faith�s probably� unh� great for the�� Willow
gestures at the bed behind them. Suddenly
realizing what she�s said, she blushes deeply red. �Not that I��

�Yeah. Um. Let�s not go there.� Kennedy shakes her head. �So now it�s your turn.�

****************************

To anyone watching the scene, it would look like Faith and
Buffy were merely standing in the hallway holding hands, staring intensely into
each other�s eyes. They wouldn�t see the
brief flashes of emotion flickering in the eyes. They wouldn�t catch the subtle movements of
the hands and the little twitches of the body.
Wouldn�t hear the change from quick hitching gasps to
slow deep breaths in unison.

They might be concerned that these two women stay like
this. In silence, not
moving. Still
for too long a time to be normal.

They would notice the first signs of real movement, however
small. They�d seem clumsy and broad
after all that calm. They�d see that Buffy�s lashes flutter, and her skin goes
pink with blushing. That Faith�s stony
face lifts into a genuine smile, small and soft. That Buffy�s hand twitches, and releases
itself from Faith�s grasp. That Faith sways on her feet when that hand
lands on her hip and subtly pulls her in closer. That nostrils flare and warmth builds in
their bodies as their senses whirl from the physical closeness of the
other.

****************************

�Okie dokie� So�
er�� Willow
tries to put words together to make thoughts.
Sighing, she gives up. �Sorry,
I�m still stuck on the Faith thing.�

�Moving on. Can we try that?�

�Just gimme a minute.� Willow
tries to stop thinking about Kennedy and Faith together. Together in bed, naked. Sweaty and touching and�

�Hey! I�m sharing
here! Can we turn off Willow�s
Private Porno-vision?� Kennedy tries not
to laugh. She�s supposed to be hurt and
vulnerable. But Willow�s
face is just too funny. Mouth hanging a
bit open, blushing furiously with her eyes squeezed shut.

�Sorry� Sorry�� Bad Willow. �I�m OK. Really. Just� um� surprised� shocked, really.�

Kennedy lets go, leaning back on the bed, chuckling with
great satisfaction. �You�re
shocked? I�m shocked! You�re supposed to
be jealous, or sympathetic, or something.
Not getting off on the thought��

Willow looks
back at Kennedy, lying on the bed. �I
am! I�m jealous-girl! Green-eyed-monster over
here.� But a smile creeps into
her lips, and soon she�s laid back on the bed, laughing, looking over at
Kennedy.

Kennedy leans up on her elbow. She reaches over, touches smooth skin and
traces freckles down Willow�s
shoulder. Willow
shivers from the contact.

�I missed you.�
Kennedy�s voice has a new breathiness to it. Willow
turns. The look in those deep brown eyes
sends a spike of heat down through her body.
The fingers on her shoulder have stopped their light traces, and are now
tightening in her hair, caressing her neck.
Pulling her close. Willow
needs no more encouragement. She quickly
scoots over, wrapping an arm around Kennedy�s thin waist. The other reaches for the honey-coloured skin
at her collar. They touch over the fabric of their clothes, savouring the feel
of closeness.

When they finally kiss, it feels familiar and new. Sacred and forbidden. They know every curve, every line, every familiar landmark.
Every place that needs more delicate attention. It�s better than coming home.

Kennedy follows the line of Willow�s
bottom lip with her tongue. A moan parts
her mouth, and Kennedy�s tongue takes advantage. She rolls on top of Willow,
pressing her body hard against her ex.

�I thought you weren�t gonna jump me?� Willow
gasps out, trying to maintain the kiss. Trying to get Kennedy�s belt unbuckled.

�You totally jumped me first.� Kennedy smiles, and dips her head down to
kiss and nip at Willow�s neck. Fingers deftly working on
the buttons of Willow�s blouse. Pulling it
back and snapping loose her bra. She
looks at the tangle of clothes separating her from skin and softness. �Off, now.�

Willow pulls of
the offending garments, and lies exposed under Kennedy�s appraising eye.

�Don�t think this is getting you out of our talk.� Kennedy wiggles an accusatory finger in front
of Willow�s face. And then drops her hand down to explore the
landmark curves of Willow�s
breasts. The only response she gets is a
heady groan and grasping hands.

****************************

�That was�� Buffy blinks,
and comes back to earth.

��intense.� Faith finishes the thought, the last one they
shared before the connection faltered.

�Uh-huh.� Still
blushing, Buffy looks up at the taller girl, peeking out from under her long
lashes.

Faith looks down at her.
Traces of the soft smile lingering. She licks her lower lip. A glimmer of want. She looks down at the hand that�s still on
her hip.

Buffy�s eyes follow.
�Oh� Sorry.� She takes her hand
back.

They stand awkwardly.
The intimacy is broken, but the change between them is permanent. Buffy asks first. �So� uh� now what?�

Faith forces nonchalance.
�Now? I
dunno. Hiding here
�till it goes away isn�t an option?�

�Not so much. I�m
foreseeing a big study session, then the inevitable pop quiz from hell. Literally.� Buffy smiles expectantly. Raises an eyebrow, like a
challenge.

�Tell you what��
Faith grins, her old cheekiness winning out. She winks as she starts walking backward,
giving the blonde a double gun salute.
�You do the homework, and I�ll copy yours.� She turns with a wave, and walks away. �Later, B.�

�Later.� Buffy stares
after the girl, a smile playing on her lips.
�Definitely.�
- 12
- 13
- 14
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Heart's Desire