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Darkening of the Light	By : addielogan Category: > Buffy/Spike(William) > Buffy/Spike(William) Views: 6344 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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"The curse. Angel is meant to suffer, not to live as human. One moment
of true happiness, of contentment, one moment where the soul that we restored
no longer plagues his thoughts, and that soul is taken from him"�� Enyos, "Innocence

***
*** ***
She'd never known
anguish like this. Only a few hours earlier, she'd been happier than she'd ever
been before. She'd been free from the burdens of the world and been fully
convinced she'd found love.
Now, it was all gone.
Shattered.
The world weighed heavier on her shoulders than it ever had before, and she
knew that love had been no more than an illusion.
How could she go
through an eternity of this? Less than a day, and it was already too much.
The answer was
simple�she couldn't. Maybe it made
her weak, but if she was going to have to be this forever, then she needed to end things. What did it really
matter?
She was dead anyway.
Calmly, she rose
to her feet and walked towards the ladder, making her way back up to the upper
level of the crypt. Her eyes stayed forward, focused on the door, and when her
hand grasped the handle, it didn't tremble.
She'd see the sun one last time�
A deep breath into
useless lungs, and she stepped out.
It happened so
quickly, she didn't register the action until the heavy door slammed shut. She
gasped, pulled herself up from the spot Spike had thrown her when he'd pulled
her back into the crypt, and ran back for the door. Spike intercepted her this
time, grabbing Buffy around the waist and holding her with her arms pinned to
the side.
Buffy kicked her
legs as he lifted her up and screamed, "Let me go! I want to go out!"
"You can't!
It's the middle of the sodding day!" Spike yelled back, tightening his
grip on her. "What the bloody hell
is wrong with you?"
Buffy screamed
again in futile rage, thrashing against his hold as angry tears streamed down
her cheeks. Spike's jaw tightened, and he didn't say another word as he brought
Buffy back down to their bed.
She didn't realize
what he was doing until it was too late and the first manacle was around her
wrist. Only a moment later, and the second was in place as well. She struggled
and screamed again in frustration.
"I'm sorry,
baby," Spike told her, genuine regret in his eyes as he sat down beside
her and stroked her cheek. "I don't want to do this, but you're scaring
me. I can't let you go out. You'll dust."
"That's what
I want!" Buffy yelled, jerking away from him. "I want it to
end!"
Spike reared back,
blinking. "Buffy, sweetheart, what is this?"
"I'm not your
sweetheart," Buffy snapped. "I'm not your anything." Realizing the manacles weren't going to give, even
with her superior strength, she slumped, tears in the corners of her eyes as
she turned away from Spike.
"Pet, I
don't�" Spike started to reach back towards her, but stopped and let his
hand drop. His eyes widened, and he stared at her for a moment before he
whispered, "Buffy�your soul. They gave you back your soul."
Buffy flinched at
his words. "Yes, they did," she admitted softly, her shoulders
slumped. She ventured a glance back at him. "So let me go, Spike. You
can't possibly want me anymore anyway. Not like this."
"Oh,
kitten�" His words, his touch, were so gentle when he reached for her
again that Buffy couldn't help but fall against him, letting him cradle her
against his chest. She knew this wasn't real�couldn't� be real�but she needed it all the same.
"We can fix
it, pet," Spike said, his cheek resting against her hair. "This can
be undone. How did Angel lose his?"
Buffy swallowed.
"He�I�" She paused, gulped in air. "We had sex. It's�it's a
moment of happiness that breaks the curse. We loved each other, so when we had
sex�" She trailed off, unable to say anymore.
Spike stiffened,
though he didn't release her from his embrace. "And when we had sex�"
"It didn't go
away," Buffy finished, letting the unspoken we're not in love hang between them.
His lips pressed
against her hair, breathing her in for a moment before he whispered, "I
love you, Buffy."
With a shake of
her head, Buffy replied, "You can't."
"No, pet, I
do. I�"
Buffy pushed away
from him and scooted towards the headboard, curling up against it with her
hands still chained. "Just go."
Spike reached for
her again, and she flinched. With a heavy sigh, he walked away.

*** *** ***
Buffy didn't move from
her place on the bed. She could hear Spike moving throughout the crypt, but she
didn't look at him, and he didn't go to her. Not until nightfall, when he
finally released her from the manacles. She rubbed her wrists for a moment, but
still didn't move.
"Are you
hungry, kitten?"
At Spike's
question, Buffy whipped her head around and glared at him. "How dare you ask me that? You want me to
kill someone else? Do you have any idea how I feel right now? Oh, that's right,
you can't."
Spike's fists
clinched at his sides, the muscles in his jaw ticking. He wanted to yell, to
shake her, but he reigned in his frustration. He had put up with much worse
from Dru and her mood swings. Besides, Buffy had to be hurting, and for that,
he was hurting, too.
"I know you don't want to kill anyone,
Buffy. I heard enough of Angelus's bitching to know how this soul thing works.
I was offering to get something for
you."
"So, what,
you think I'll be okay with it if I know you're the one that did the
murdering?"
Spike let out a
heavy sigh. "No. I meant from the sodding butcher. Isn't that what Angel drank? Pig's
blood?"
Buffy blinked, her anger with Spike quickly replaced by confusion.
"What�what are you doing?"
"Taking
care of you. Do I need to chain you back up while I go get dinner?"
"No,"
Buffy replied with a shake of her head before sinking back against the bed.
Spike ghosted his
hand against her hair. "I'll be back soon, lamb.
Just don't want things getting worse because you're weak from hunger."
Buffy merely nodded, Spike's warmth and concern shocking her. There had
to be more to this. Why didn't he want her gone? Why had he prevented her from
going out into the sun instead of kicking her out? She knew what other vampires
thought of souls�shouldn't she be tainted to him now?
After he left the
crypt, Buffy decided he wasn't going to come back. He'd probably been afraid
she'd turn clingy and beg him not to leave her alone, so he'd come up with a
ruse to get himself away from her. No vampire would want to be tied down to
her, especially one as ruthless as Spike.
He wouldn't come back, and she'd see the sunrise.
So when she felt
the bed dip and turned to see Spike handing her a mug of blood, Buffy was
surprised. "Why did you come back?" she asked him softly.
"Couldn't
leave you, pet. You need someone to take care of you right now, and I know a little
something about taking care of people, yeah? Now drink, sweets."
Her hands
trembling, Buffy took the mug and raised it to her lips. Her nose wrinkled in
distaste, yet she drank anyway.
"Ugh. I guess
this swill is an acquired taste."
Buffy frowned at
Spike's statement, realizing she wasn't the only one making do with pig's blood
that evening. "Why are you drinking it, too?" she asked.
"Would
it upset you if I went out and fed, then came back to join you in our
bed?" Buffy's flinch was the only answer Spike needed, and he continued.
"Look, I don't know how to handle this myself, but right now, I don't want
to make things worse for you. You're hurting, sweetheart, and that is more of a
problem for me than I think you realize. So if I have to settle for this until
we suss it all out, then I will."
Buffy swallowed
with difficulty, forcing the pig's blood down her throat. "I don't
understand why you're doing this."
"Because
I love you, sweetheart. You can believe it or not, but I do. You scared me this morning when you
ran, made me think of how it would be if I lost you now. I spent over a century
searching for you, Buffy, and I'll be damned all over again if I toss it all
away in a blink."
"I'm not that
girl you think you love anymore, Spike," Buffy said, her eyes trained on
the inside of her now-empty mug. "I can't be, not like this."
"Yeah, pet,
you are." Spike set his own mug down before he reached out and took hers.
Then, he lifted her up and tucked her in under the covers. "Just rest,
kitten," he told her with a kissed brushed against her forehead.
"It's early, yeah, but I can tell you're exhausted."
Unshed tears sat
in her eyes, his unexpected kindness cutting her now that she knew there could
be no real love behind it. The soul forced inside of her pounded inside her
chest, threatening to smother her.
"I killed
them."
"I know,
Buffy. Just rest now."
"They're
still screaming, Spike. I can hear them. They're so loud." She whimpered,
her hand going up to cover her ear.
"Shh� No,
baby. It's quiet here. Just you an' me, lamb."
Spike moved her hand away from her ear and stroked her hair. "Just sleep
now. You need to sleep."
Buffy whimpered again,
but her eyes closed, and it wasn't long until Spike knew she was indeed asleep.
He pulled his hand away from her, cold fear rushing
through him as he finally let the situation settle onto him.
What were they going to do now?

*** *** ***
The sound of
Buffy's tears woke Spike. She was huddled in a ball, shaking, and Spike reached
for her, his hand resting gently against her cool flesh.
Buffy jerked,
sliding out of his reach, and Spike didn't move to bring her back. Listening to
her cry in the dark, he felt so helpless.
He'd been telling
the truth when he'd told her how much watching her dash towards the sun had
scared him. He knew they had spent only a short time together, especially given
the number of years he'd been in the world, but she'd touched him in a way no
other woman ever had. She'd shown him what it was to be loved.
Spike knew he
could've lost that now. Her vehemence against his own declarations of love told
him that much. Despite common misconceptions, he was far from a stupid man, and
he knew everything had changed for them in an instant. She couldn't be the sort
of partner for him she'd been in the days since she'd put an end to Angelus.
Yet she was still
Buffy. Soul or no soul behind them, those were still the eyes that looked upon
him as if he was truly everything to her. He couldn't turn his back on her, not
when she needed him. He owed it to her to stand by her after what she'd given
him, even if he'd lost her love forever.
So he'd do what he
could to keep her calm, keep her from running towards the sun again. All he
could do now was take it one moment at a time, and Spike had reverted to his
behavior from when Dru was at her worst. He knew the situation was different,
but she was still volatile now, just as his sire had been, and he could deal with
that aspect of it at least. Maybe, in time, she'd get over the initial shock of
having her soul returned, and they could move on from there.
Until then, he'd
have to tread softly.
Her tears dug into
his unbeating heart, and Spike was unable to keep himself from moving to her
and pulling her into his arms. She thrashed against him, trying to escape his
embrace, but Spike didn't let her go.
"Shh�easy
now, pet. It's just you an' me here. This doesn't have to mean anything except you
need someone to hold you, and I've got two arms,
yeah?"
Buffy's struggles
ceased, and Spike held on to her tighter.

*** *** ***
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Darkening of the Light