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The Butterfly Effect	By : cousinjean Category: > Buffy/Spike(William) > Buffy/Spike(William) Views: 27632 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 12
- 13
The Butterfly Effect

by cousinjean

*

Chapter Thirteen

***

Buffy was--obviously--not up for getting Chinese. But she wasn't up for cooking, either, so they compromised and stopped on the way home for take-out. Willow sat with her in the car while Dawn went in and ordered.

"You don't have to stay with me," Buffy told her. "If you want to go get something�"

"Nah, I'm fine. Still kinda craving some pizza. I'll get something at the airport."

"You're leaving? Already?"

"Oh. Well, yeah. I gotta get this book back, make sure it stays put back. And I better get to work Mudge-proofing the new library."

"Sorry I let him get away."

"It's okay, Buffy. It probably wouldn't have mattered anyway if you did slay him. His past self would probably just find a way to change it so it never happened."

Buffy hugged herself. "Lucky him." She turned to gaze out the window.

They sat in silence for a moment before Willow asked, "So, do you want to talk about it? I mean, it's okay if you don't."

Buffy shook her head. "Thanks, but� I can't. Not yet."

Willow nodded. "Sure. I get that." Another moment passed in silence. "I'm sorry, Buffy," she said at last. "I should have realized how hard it would be for you to go back there."

"Don't be." Buffy reached over to squeeze her hand. "I needed to go back. It's just�"

"There were parts you wished you coulda brought back with?"

"Yeah." Buffy let go of Willow's hand and folded her arms. "I-" She sighed. "Yeah. That's it."

Willow nodded. "I get that." She blew out a sigh and looked out at the street. Then she turned back to Buffy. "Y'know, the book can wait if you want me to stick around�"

Buffy was briefly tempted to say yes, but she really just wanted to be alone. "No. But thanks. I don't think I'll be very good company tonight."

"I think the point is for me to be good company."

"Thanks, Will. I'll be okay."

"You're sure?"

She nodded.

Willow didn't look convinced. Still, she conceded. "All right. But I'm coming back here as soon as I get a chance. And I mean soon. And I will be Happy Fun Hang-Outy Willow, and we'll go shopping and do fun stuff and I won't bring any bad news."Buffy made herself smile. "Sounds good."

"Here comes Dawnie," said Willow, pointing with her chin. She started the car as Dawn climbed in the back seat with two bags-full of takeout. "Sure you got enough there?"

"I think so," said Dawn, missing the sarcasm. "I didn't get drinks. But we still have that six-pack of Coke. I think."

"That's fine," said Buffy. "I'm not hungry. I think when we get home I'm just gonna go to bed."

"You're not sick, are you?" Dawn looked at Willow. "What if she brought a cold, or flu germs or something back with her? Would that screw up the timeline?"

Willow smiled. "Not irreparably, I don't think."

"I'm not sick," said Buffy. God, she was barely holding it together. She wished Willow would drive faster. "I just need�" Spike. "�a nap."

The rest of the trip went in relative silence. Willow and Dawn chatted about Council stuff and Dawn's school life, while Buffy fought the urge to curl into a ball.

Finally, they were home. Willow pulled up in front of their building. "Are you sure you don't want me to stay?" she asked. "Because I can."

Buffy shook her head. "I really am just gonna go to bed for a while. I've got, like, jet lag times infinity."

"Okay." Willow leaned over for a hug. "But I'm gonna call as soon as I get home."

Returning her squeeze, Buffy sniffed, but managed a smile. "Good. Have a safe flight." She climbed out of the car as Dawn leaned over the seat to hug Willow goodbye. Then she got out, dragging her food, and they headed upstairs.

"So, are you okay?" Dawn asked in the elevator.

Buffy shrugged.

"Was it mom? I mean, did you see her?"

Buffy looked at her, surprised. She had actually forgotten about that. "A little," she said. "I couldn't talk to her or anything."

Dawn just nodded. For her that seemed explanation enough.

When they reached their floor, Buffy fumbled her keys out of her pocket. Spike's lighter fell out onto the floor. She just stared at it a moment before bending over to pick it up. It was all she could do not to break down in the middle of the hallway, but instead she put it back in her pocket and went to unlock the door.

As soon as she had it open, Dawn bustled past, carrying the bags into the kitchen. "I got mu shu!" she called out.

"I told you I'm not hungry," said Buffy, going to toss her bag on the table. "Just put whatever you don't eat in the fridge."

"You get some o' that spicy mustard?"

Buffy jumped at the question. Or more importantly, at the voice that asked it. She shook her head. This was just like before, after he'd died. She was so sure she knew what he'd say in a situation that she could practically hear him say it. She wondered how long it would take for that to stop this time.

"That stuff's wicked disgusting," said Dawn.

"What stuff?" asked Buffy.

"That mustard."

Wait. Did she just-

"Yeh, but did you get any?"

Okay, that was clear, and right behind her. Buffy froze. All but her heart, which pounded in her chest. She took a deep breath, tried to calm herself. It couldn't be real.

Neither could the strong hands squeezing her shoulders.

Or the lips pressing against her temple.

"I grabbed like a dozen packets of the stuff," Dawn said as she sorted the containers onto the counter. "That should be plenty. Not like anybody else wants any."

And suddenly he was in front of her, walking into her kitchen. "You got the pork, right?"

"Uh� yeah." Dawn pointed out the right container.

"Brilliant!" He picked it up. "Goes better with pig's blood than the chicken."

"Ew!" Dawn squealed, and threw a dish towel him. He caught it, chuckling, then opened the silverware drawer and peered in.

"You ladies want forks or chopsticks?"

"Chopsticks!"

He snorted. "Yeh, that went well last time." He handed her a fork, then looked at Buffy. "What about you, Love?"

She blinked. "Um�" Her brain had stopped thinking. It was too busy trying to process that he was there. Spike was there, and he was barefoot and his hair was all rumpled and he was in her kitchen and laughing and joking with her sister and eating her Chinese food and he was real.

He tilted his head at her. "Buffy?"

"She said she's not hungry," said Dawn. "I think she caught a '90s bug."

"A what now? And where'd you go, anyway? I know you weren't in school, 'cause someone named 'Tandy' called to give you your French assignment."

"Merde," Dawn grumped.

"Hey!" Spike glanced at Buffy. "She didn't learn that from me, Pet."

Dawn snickered. "Sorry. Buffy left you a note on the table, didn't you see it?"

Spike's gaze traveled to the table, as did Buffy's. No note there, but a sheet of paper lay on the floor. She went to pick it up as Dawn told Spike about their day. It was a note, sure enough. Addressed to him, in her handwriting. But she didn't�

She looked around the apartment. For the first time she noticed his coat hanging on the stand by the door. She reached out to touch it, feel the leather, make sure it was real, too. A book she didn't recognize lay on the coffee table in the living room, and a few dozen more lined the shelves. The scent of stale cigarette smoke lingered in the air. All tell-tale signs that said, "Spike lives here."

"But you should've seen it," Dawn was saying. "One second she's sitting on the ground in front of Willow, the next she's standing across the highway holding the book. It was so cool."

"And how'd the parts in between go?" he asked, looking over at Buffy. "I take it you pulled it off without a hitch, seeing as we're still here and all."

Buffy laughed. It was a disbelieving, not entirely sane laugh.

Spike's eyebrow shot up. "Pet?"

"She's been kinda weird ever since she got back," said Dawn. "She saw mom."

Understanding and sympathy showed on Spike's face as he nodded. "That was bound to leave you hurting. You alright?"

She shook her head. "No. This can't� it doesn't go this way."

"Buffy?" Spike put down his food. "Sweetness? You want to tell me about it?"

He started toward her, but she backed away. "No!"

Spike stopped in his tracks.

Buffy held up a hand to ward him off. "It doesn't happen like this. Not for me. People don't just come back and then everything is okay. There are consequences. Big, messy, scary consequences!"

"Uh� Nibblet? Now might be a good time to go give Tandy a call."

"Yeah. Good call." Dawn grabbed another carton of food and a can of Coke and practically ran to her room.

Buffy folded her arms and breathed deeply, trying to calm herself down. Why couldn't she see the good in this? Why couldn't she just throw herself into his arms the way she wanted to?

Because she didn't get happy endings. Not like this.

"What did you do, Spike?"

His eyes widened in disbelief. "Okay, I'm going to need some more information here."

She stared at his chest, mulling over the last time she saw him, the things he told her. She couldn't look him in the eye. Not yet. "You said you had a better idea. You did this."

He ran both his hands through his hair. "When we went to bed last night, everything was fine. Today I got up, watched some TV, had some blood, read a bit." He motioned toward the living room. "Then you came home. If there's something I was supposed to-"

"God, you don't even remember."

"Remember what, Love? You're going to have to tell me what I've done."

"You're here."

He winced, jerking back as though she'd struck him. Then his mouth tightened and he looked down at the floor. "If you got someplace else you'd prefer me to be-""No. I don't mean-" Buffy covered her face with her hands. She wasn't going to cry. Not until she was sure she had a good reason to. She'd done too much crying over the last few days. She rubbed her forehead as she tried to figure out how to explain it all to him. "Spike, when I went to bed last night, I was alone. When I got up this morning� when I went back to Sunnydale�. Before Willow sent me back-"

"I was dead."

Buffy looked directly at him then. Comprehension was dawning on his face, his eyebrows drawn together as if he was recalling something.

His eyes met hers. "That it?"

She nodded.

He tilted his head as he stared at her, eyes wrinkling a little at the corners as they narrowed. "You went back to '97?"

"Yeah."

He smiled a little, and bit his lip. "Well, fuck me," he said at last. "All this time I thought I must be remembering an old dream."

"You remember?"

"Bits an' pieces, yeh."

And there it was. Buffy let her head fall back as a disbelieving laugh escaped her throat. "You didn't take the potion."

Spike frowned. "Potion� Oh, right. That. Sure I did."

But Buffy was already deep in thought, trying to figure out what this would cost them. "I wonder what else got changed."

"Nothing else. Said I took it, Buffy."

"Spike, please. You wouldn't even know what I'm talking about if you took it."

"I took your bloody potion! I swear to you, outside of me being here, nothing's changed!"

"Then how�"

"Well, I� um. I sort of had it altered a bit."

Buffy frowned. "Altered how?"

"Oh. Well. Funny you should ask. Remember that wizard we were dealing with-"

"Ethan? You let Ethan Rayne handle Willow's potion?"

"Okay, in hindsight I realize, yes, probably bad."

"'Probably'?!" Buffy put a hand to her forehead. "Oh, this is so gonna come back to bite us in the ass."

"Yeh. Maybe. But in the mean time, it worked, didn't it? I'm here. Not dead. That part's good, right?"

She put her hand over her mouth to stifle-a sob or a fit of giggles, she wasn't sure which-and nodded. He approached her, and this time she didn't back away, instead letting him take her hand and pull her to him. As she melted against him, it started to sink in that this was really happening. He was really here, and he wasn't crazy or depressed or all feral. He was alive and well, and the Hellmouth was still closed. Suddenly she wasn't sure she cared anymore about any other consequences his decision might bring.

Buffy wrapped her arms around his neck and held on tight. He returned her embrace, and for a long time they just held each other "I thought I'd never see you again," she whispered.

Spike tightened his hold on her. "Should've known better. When have I ever failed to come back?"

She laughed then, and grabbed hold of his face, planting kisses on every surface she could reach before finally lingering on his lips. He brought a hand to her face, then broke off the kiss. "Hey now," he said, wiping her cheeks. "What's this, then?"

"Believe me, they're the good kind." She sniffed. "What did he do to the potion?"

"Oh, right. Um." He chewed on his bottom lip and squinted as he tried to remember. "Set it to expire."

"When?"

He smiled. "First time you said you loved me."

"In the Hellmouth?"

Spike nodded. "Seemed like the best time."

"So� what happened?"

"What, you mean with the First?"

"Uh huh."

"Well, we went in, took the girls� lot of 'em didn't make it, but they all went down fighting."

Buffy nodded. "That's what I remember."

"Right. An' I was wearing that amulet. It was looking bad when the light show started up. Took out most of those �bervamps in one fell swoop, burned 'em up. Looked like I was burning up, too, and the cave started coming down around us."

"And everybody ran."

"All but you. You stayed to tell me you loved me. And that was when�" He shut his eyes and gave his head a quick shake. "All these images flooded through my mind, me and you, stuff I didn't recognize. Couldn't really make sense of any of it. But�" He raised a finger to trace the outline of her face. "I got stuck on this one image of you, mourning me. You were devastated. And I knew that you meant it. You really loved me."

"And then what happened?"

Spike shrugged. "I tore off the amulet and we flew like bloody bats out of hell."

Buffy let out a single, disbelieving laugh. "That's it? You ran?"

"Well, yeh. What, I was gonna stand there and let myself fry after what you'd just told me?"

"In my version, you did."

"In your version I was an idiot."She smiled, and sniffed. "Can't really argue with that."

"And the running part wasn't as simple as it sounds. I was burned up pretty bad inside, had the sun waiting for me outside, and the ground caving in behind us. I'm still not exactly sure how you got me to that school bus in one piece. Got a bit singed on the outside, too. I'm still not fully recovered."

Buffy frowned, passing her hands over him, seeing for herself that he was okay, even though it was several months after the fact. "Did it hurt?"

"Hell yes, it hurt." His forehead wrinkled up as he looked down at her. "You don't remember any of that?"

"Not after the 'I love you' part."

"So all this time for you, I've been dead."

Petting his chest, she nodded. Then she smiled. "A hundred and fifty-two days."

He smiled back. "But not counting today."

She shook her head. "No. And not counting the last three in my memory."

Spike let go of her long enough to pull out a kitchen chair, then he sat down and pulled her onto his lap. "I'm sorry you had to go through that, Love."

Buffy sniffed again and wiped her eyes. "Yeah, me too. But I guess that makes us even." She leaned against him and stroked his jaw line. "But you're here now."

"Yeh, I am." His arms encircled her waist. "Not going anywhere, either. Not as long as I got a say in the matter." She leaned down to kiss him. His hand slid slowly up her back, but stopped just short of her bra strap as he jerked his face away. "Oh, bugger. I have to go."

Buffy drew back and looked at him. "What?"

"I'm supposed to work tonight."

Buffy had thought her eyes couldn't open any wider. She'd been wrong. "'Work'? As in, job?"

He smirked at her. "Don't have to sound quite so surprised."

"Sorry. It's just� well, I'm surprised. What do you do?"

"Bloody hell. Am I gonna have to catch you up on the entire last five months of our lives?"

"Unless you'd prefer the version I remember�"

"Heh. No thanks. I'm a bouncer."

Buffy blinked. "A bouncer."

"More of a doorman, really. Down at Curly's."

"That retro punk place?"

"Yup."

Buffy smiled. "Does that mean you wear eyeliner to work and spike your hair?"

He grinned. "Guess you'll have to wait another day to find that out. Couple of the boys owe me favors. Shouldn't be hard to find someone to cover for me tonight."

"Oh. You don't have to do that."

"Nope. I didn't have to stand outside your house every possible moment right after you came back from the grave either, but I did. I'm not leaving you tonight."

Buffy smiled, and kissed him again, long and slow and indulgent, as if they had all the time in the world. Which they did. Then she slid off his lap. "Y'know, some mu shu's starting to sound pretty good after all." She started for the kitchen as he made his way over to the phone.

"Oh, Pet?" he called. She turned to see him holding up a cigarette. He smirked at her. "Got a light?"

She felt in her pocket and pulled out his lighter. She held it for a moment, feeling its weight in her palm, before flicking it on and off one last time for good measure. Then she closed it up and went to him.

"Here," she said, taking his hand and placing it in his palm. As she closed his fingers over it, at his confused look, Buffy smiled. "I don't need it anymore."

***

THE END

A/N: Yes, this is really the end. This story was originally conceived as the first of a trilogy (if you noticed any threads left hanging, that's why), but unfortunately I can only fit so much into my life, and fanfic just doesn't fit any longer, so there won't be any sequels. Believe me, I'm as sad about that as you are, but sometimes it's just time to let go and move on, and that's what I'm doing. That said, it's been a joy. Thank you for reading.
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The Butterfly Effect

The Butterfly Effect