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Violently Happy	By : marksandspence Category: BtVS Crossovers > Misc - Het - Male/Female Views: 3216 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Part1a
- 2-Part1b
- 3-Part1c
- 4-Part1d
- 5-Part1e
- 6-Part2a
- 7-Part2b
- 8-Part3a
- 9-Part3b
- 10-Part3c
- 11-Part4a
- 12-Part4b
- 13-Part4c
- 14-Part4d
- 15-Part5a
- 16-Part5b
- 17-Part5c
- 18-Part5d
- 19-Part5e
- 20-Part5f
- 21-Part5g
- 22-Part5h
- 23-Part6a
- 24-Part6b
- 25-Part6c
- 26-Part6d
- 27-Part6e
- 28-p.s. Flight of Fancy
- 12
- 13
- 14
Scene 6
Suddenly, the alarm sounds (from the protection spell).
[Author's note: this is where I get lazy again. Just a quick summary, light on the details.] They look out the windows, trying to see what’s going on. It becomes apparent that the house is surrounded by Glory and her minions (who seem to have multiplied). They also see a different kind of demon talking with Glory—one they hadn’t encountered before. Luckily, it appears that even Glory is stopped from entering the house by the protection spell (in frustration, she walks up to the door and tries to break through when her minions failed, but is not able to). Glory rants a bit at the door—says it’ll make her job easier now that they are all in one place. They bring Angel up to speed on Glory. Glory still doesn’t know that Dawn is the key. Time goes by as they try to break into the house and fail. Everyone is freaked out and discussing what they should do. Everyone agrees that they should under no circumstances leave the house until they are sure the coast is clear because there are just too many to fight and they are not prepared. At one point, they realize that Glory has changed her strategy and instead of trying to break in to the house, she is trying to lure them out. The new demon buddy of hers seems to be able to play with their minds through the barrier and so manifestations begin appearing, all with the goal of luring people out (e.g., at one point what looks like Dawn runs out through the front door on her way back from the bathroom—Buffy is about to follow her out, when they realize it was just a manifestation and that Dawn is still in the bathroom. One time, a “pizza delivery guy” comes to the door and the bad guys make it appear that he is about to be killed by one of Glory’s minions to lure Buffy into trying to save him and thus opening the door/leaving the house.) Because they can’t trust what they see, they agree to remain in the living room—within sight of each other at all times. More time passes. At one point, one of the manifestations is Joyce and this totally freaks out Dawn, who is very upset and scared anyway. Tensions are running high. People are getting a bit loopy. They start talking about making a break for it. Buffy is getting frustrated by Miranda’s lack of enthusiasm for the plan.
Buffy: [Seriously pissed and snarky—she’s really worried about Dawn and frustrated] “So why, all of sudden, have you become a pacifist? All I heard about for weeks was how you wanted to kick Glory’s ass—how you thought you could fight her. [mocking] “I’m a badass Immortal—let me at her.” Well, now’s your chance. Let’s go.”
Miranda: “I...”
[Giles intercedes]
Giles: “Don’t be so hard on Miranda, Buffy. She’s simply come to her senses about the likelihood of her being able to win against Glory.”
Buffy: “But isn’t it worth a try? At least so we can get Dawn to safety—she doesn’t have to win. Heck, she doesn’t even have to survive, right? I believe your exact words were “I’m immortal—what’s the worse that could happen?””
Miranda: “I wish I could, but I...”
Buffy: “But? Suddenly your afraid of a fight?”
Spike: “Take it easy, Slayer. Miranda’s been a bit under-the-weather the past couple weeks, haven’t you pet?”
Miranda: [looking around—feeling backed into a corner] “Believe me, Buffy, if things were different, I’d do whatever it took to protect Dawn. It’s just that...um...it’s not just about me anymore.”
Buffy: [annoyed look toward Giles] “Here we go. So what? Now that you’re in love, you won’t take any risks? I knew this was a bad idea.”
Miranda: “What? No, I...um. Well, the thing is, I’m rather...pregnant.” [This hits the room like a lead balloon. Stunned silence.]
Xander: “But I thought...”
Giles: “Yes, it’s impossible. We’re looking into it.”
Buffy: [to Giles] “You knew?”
Miranda: “I needed some help researching how this could happen.”
Willow: “Wow.”
Tara: [tentative] “Congratulations?”
Buffy: “How long?”
Miranda: “Maybe 10 weeks—I’m not sure.” [She is actually avoiding looking at Spike, as if she fears his reaction.]
Dawn: “Huh. A baby. That’s good, right?”
Miranda: “I don’t think there will be a baby—I don’t know. I keep thinking it has to be imaginary. But still, I can’t...” [Her voice trails off.]
Anya: [ignoring the last statement] “So Spike’s going to be a dad. That’ll be interesting.”
Giles breaks out with an unexpected and totally inappropriate laugh (it’s the stress).
Giles: “Sorry, sorry. I just [He can’t stop himself from laughing] I just had a vision of Spike holding a nappy. [more laughing] Sorry. I know it’s not funny.” [Trying desperately to suppress the laughter]
Spike: [Has been standing there in stunned confusion, waiting to break into the conversation. To M] “What’s this, love?”
Miranda: [She looks at him for the first time.] “Oh, William. I haven’t had the flu and it’s not the cake that’s making me fat. [to everyone] Could you please give us a minute?”
Everyone moves to the other side of the room, giving them a bit of privacy.
Spike: [not exactly angry—still stunned] “So you’re pregnant. And you told Giles before you told me.”
Miranda: [genuine] “I’m so sorry. I wanted to tell you, but it probably isn’t anything and I didn’t want to freak you out.”
Spike: [looking at her stomach] “It’s obviously something.”
Miranda: [welling tears now] “We can’t talk about this now—lets wait until we can be alone.”
Spike: “What made you think it would freak me out?”
Miranda: “Come on. From what you’ve said in the past it’s rather clear this isn’t something you’d choose. We’ll work something out, OK? Please, let’s not talk about this now.”
He agrees to let it drop and they join the rest of the group. He is obviously distracted during the discussion that follows, re: what to do about Glory et al. They finally decide to simply wait it out until morning—assuming the spell holds until then. [Author's note: somehow, I had it in my head that Glory and her minions could only be a danger at night—now that I think about it, that doesn’t actually make much sense. Still, I’m sticking with the plan because I’m too lazy to think up an explanation right now.] They take turns keeping watch out the window—a variety of things happen as the night goes on. During a rather quiet phase…
Buffy: [to Spike—Miranda is keeping watch out the window—Buffy is actually trying to be nice and make conversation.] “You seem to be taking this in stride—the impossible pregnancy and all.”
Spike: [shrugs] “Things just happen around Miranda. Unexpected things. [giving an example] I mean, who would have thought a vampire could have a reflection.
He indicates the window, where you can see Buffy’s reflection on the couch and Spike’s facing her.
Buffy: [glancing and then spinning around to get a better look.] “WHAT? How?”
Spike: [suddenly realizing—crap] “So I guess we haven’t mentioned that little tidbit before, have we?”
Buffy: [to everyone, pointing at the glass] “Look—Spike has a reflection.” [Everyone looks]
Angel: “You didn’t know about that?”
Buffy: “You did?”
Angel: “Well, yeah. I just assumed you’d pick up on it—with all the time you spend together.”
Buffy: “What else?”
Spike: [really wishing he hadn’t let that slip] “Nothing really—nothing worth mentioning.”
Angel: “He can be in the sun without catching on fire.”
Spike: "Not full sun—just dusk and dawn."
Willow: “ooh, ooh! I KNEW I saw him touch that cross without any smoke or sizzling! Aha!”
Spike: “Ok, so there are a few things. It’s no big deal.”
Buffy: “This is bad. [to Giles] This could be really bad.”
Angel: “Well, duh.”
Miranda: “Calm down. Don’t get your knickers in a twist about it. I don’t see why it’s that significant.”
Xander: “The chip still works, right?” [affirmative angry nod from Spike; X shrugs it off] So no biggie. [casually] Unless it stops working and then Spike becomes some sort of invulnerable ubervamp.”
Tara: “That would be bad.”
Miranda: “Come on, now—I think you’re all jumping to some very nasty conclusions here. A half-reflection does not an ubervamp make”
Spike: [mostly to Miranda] “You know it could all be related. The reflection, the sunlight, my knocking you up.”
Shot to Miranda—this hadn’t occurred to her before. Huh. She’s turning this over in her mind.
Buffy: “But I still don’t get the ‘how’ part of the explanation.”
Angel: “Figure it’s got to be the blood. Though, I don’t see how THAT could relate at all to the pregnancy.”
Buffy: “What do you mean ‘the blood’?”
Miranda is desperately giving Angel the ‘don’t tell her’ look. He doesn’t get it.
Giles: “Yes, what do you mean?”
Angel: “Come ON, do you people not have ANY powers of perception?”
Miranda: [interjecting—trying to avoid the ‘biting’ discussion] “The blood in the freezer—for Spike. It’s my blood.”
Buffy: [disgusted] “So what, you like, bleed yourself for him?”
Miranda: “The short answer is...yes.”
Miranda is now giving Angel a pleading look—there’s already too much on the table to bring up the biting.
Xander: “Anyone else feeling a bit ill right about now?”
Giles: “Well, that surely adds a twist to things, doesn’t it? I suppose it could all be related, although I can’t quite fathom the mechanism.”
Willow: “Thinking about the whole pregnancy thing—the witch that lived here before—she was totally into fertility.”
Tara: “She made a lot of money helping people get pregnant with spells and charms—it was her thing.”
Willow: “Maybe there’s something sorta leftover in the house that might have helped things along—you know, like a fertility aura or something.”
Spike: [small smirk] “And we sure have pushed the limits, haven’t we, love. I mean, even if there was just a one in a hundred chance...”
Miranda: “Can we stop talking about this now? We’ve got other things to worry about.”
Angel: “I’m quite happy to not talk about it.”
Conveniently, something starts to happen outside, distracting everyone. Ahem. Stuff happens...blah blah blah...they deal with it blah blah blah. Things quiet down. Anya drifts off to sleep and within minutes, she is sleepwalking and heading towards the door. So now sleeping is off-limits as well. Only a few more hours until daybreak. They start to discuss what the plan is for the morning and the next couple of days. Giles seems to think that if they can make it through tomorrow night, things should lighten up a bit. He thinks that the new powers that Glory has access to (the manifestations, mind-reading, etc.) will disappear due to what he had been reading before he got there—the special alignment will breakdown. Angel offers to bring the team from LA up to help out. Because of the protection spell, they agree that at least Dawn should come back to Miranda’s before nightfall tomorrow—perhaps all of them. So they are in the midst of this conversation, when out of the blue, Spike says:
Spike: “I think we should get married.”
Miranda: “What?”
Spike: “That’s what people do, isn’t it? In this situation.”
Miranda: “We’re not exactly people, though, are we Spike?”
Spike: “Now you sound like one of them.” [indicating the scoobies]
Miranda: “It’s absurd and you know it. We’ll talk about it later”
Spike: [realization crossing his face—he looks a bit upset in a slightly angry voice] “I get it. Yeah, right. Later.”
Everyone goes back to planning. More time passes. Miranda is sitting on Spike’s lap on the big comfy chair, resting her head on his shoulder. His arm is draped across her stomach, with is hand resting gently on her little paunch. Anya, Xander, Dawn and Giles are playing cards. Buffy and Tara are perusing the CD collection—Willow has a pair of binoculars and is scanning the front yard from the couch (there is a big picture window that the couch backs up against). Angel is pacing.
Miranda: “I’m feeling a bit sick, love. I’ll just nip into the kitchen and get a glass of water.” [She slides off the chair.]
Buffy: “She shouldn’t go alone.”
Spike starts to get up—he’s half asleep, so not moving very fast.
Angel: “I’ll go. I could use a snack or something.”
Spike sinks back into the chair. They get to the kitchen and Miranda pours herself a glass of water. She walks to the fridge and opens it.
Miranda: “I do actually have a bit of pig’s blood leftover from the black pudding—d’you want it?”
Angel: “That’ll be fine.” [She moves to put the container in the microwave. He stops her] I’ll drink it cold.”
Miranda: “Well, let me at least put in a glass.” [He nods and she does and he takes the glass from her. She starts to walk back to the livingroom.]
Angel: “Hang on a second. We should talk. [She reluctantly stops—too exhausted to protest.] “I know things are crazy tonight and it’s not the time to decide anything. But I just want you to know that you’d be welcome in L.A.—whatever happens, [pause] whoever the father is.”
Miranda: “Thanks. [pause as she takes this in and thinks about it] What exactly are you saying, Angel?”
Angel: “Uh, I don’t know exactly. This is all kind of off the top of my head, but uh, I think we could work something out. Something that would be best for all of us.”
Miranda: [skeptical] “All of us?”
Angel: “You’re not actually considering raising a child with him? You need to consider what’s best for the baby—what’s best for you AND the baby.”
Miranda: [politely] “Rest assured, Angel, that I will consider what’s best.”
She walks to the livingroom. Angel looks pleased—Miranda just looks exhausted. She gets halfway into the hall and then has to turn back and throw up in the sink. Afterwards she walks back into the living room and stands next to the chair that Spike’s in, holding her glass of water.
Willow: “Looks like we’ve got more company. Dang, I thought we were done with manifestations—it’s been so quiet!”
Buffy: “What do we got there, Will?”
Willow: “Ooh. Handsome man in a tux. Whose is that??”
Buffy: “Give me those binocs—I’ll be the judge of handsome.”
Willow: “Do you think she’s resorting to raw sex appeal now? Seems kind of lame.”
Buffy: “Yep, he’s a hottie.” [She hands Willow the binoculars] “And with that, I transfer the watch to the immune party.”
Giles: “And what is this ‘hottie’ doing?”
Willow: “Uh, he looks kind of confused. Oh, now he’s talking to Glory—can’t tell what she’s saying, but she looks like she’s being sorta polite. He’s walking tentatively towards the house now.”
Anya: “What’s he look like?”
Willow: “Tall, black hair, pale skin—ooh, light eyes—can’t tell if they’re blue or green.”
No one is looking at Miranda to notice her knees suddenly go—she catches herself on the chair. She says, calmly:
Miranda: “Does the front pocket of his jacket have a handkerchief with a clover stitched in?”
Willow: “uh…[looking for it] yep, I see clover—four leaves—the good luck kind. How’d you know?”
Miranda subtly moves as if something has just hit her hard in the stomach. She lets the glass slip from her hands—there is a rug below, so it doesn’t break.
Miranda: [She says weakly] “Green. His eyes are green. Cal. [fighting back tears] That bitch.”
Spike: “Who’s Cal?”
Angel: [to Spike, scathing] “Her husband, you idiot—how can you not know that?” [Spike shoots Angel a nasty glare.]
Miranda: [overcome] “Is his face blurry?”
Willow: [confused] “What?”
Miranda: [she’s shaking a bit now] “It pulls these manifestations from our minds, right? Uses our memory to form the image. Lately, I’ve had trouble remembering. You think you’ll always be able to see them in your mind—how could you let yourself forget? But lately, I can’t. I threw away all the pictures. I try to see him, but it’s blurry—his face is blurry.” [She’s losing it.]
Willow: “He looks clear to me.” [Hands the binocs to Tara, who confirms that his features are clear.]
Miranda suddenly gets a somewhat manic look on her face. She starts to go for the window.
Buffy: [concerned] “You know he’s not real.”
Miranda: “I just want to see him one more time—that’s all.”
Giles: [reacting to the crazed look in Miranda’s eyes] “That may not be such a good idea.”
Just then, they hear Cal’s voice.
Cal: [strong Irish accent] “Miranda? Miranda, love, are you in there? Come to the window, so you can see that it’s me, Cal. [pause] Miranda?”
Hearing his voice is too much—she lunges to the window. Buffy and Angel exchange a look and Angel grabs Miranda’s arm, preventing her from reaching the window. With her other arm, she manages to reach forward and grab her sword, which was just leaning up against the wall. She whirls around and holds the sword threateningly toward Angel—the surprise of it causes him to loosen his grip on her arm and she frees herself. With wild eyes and gritted teeth, she repeats;
Miranda: “I just want to SEE him.”
It looks like Buffy or Angel might try to rush her again to prevent her from getting to the window. Before they do, suddenly Spike steps in and shoves Angel backwards (not too hard).
Spike: “Back off, soul-boy. The lady said, she just wants to have a look. Let’s everyone give her some space. [to Miranda] Trade, love?”
They exchange weapons—he takes her sword and gives her something small and less cumbersome. He essentially is guarding her as she moves to the window. Everyone exchanges looks, like “oh, fuck, this is what we’ve been fearing”. Miranda says one more time in a small voice...
Miranda: “just want to see him”
She walks to where the curtains are open and stands there. After a minute, Cal notices her in the window (he appears to have not known which window she might appear in) and walks towards it. As he approaches, you can see the emotion on his face.
Cal: “Aw, Miranda, my angel. Look at you. You cut your hair. You’re even more beautiful than I remembered. I don’t really know what’s happening, love. Suddenly here I am—young and fit—dressed as I was on our wedding day. I don’t even know how long it’s been. She says we can be together again—she says you’ve got a baby inside you. [He’s moving still closer to the window.] But you have to come out here and then it’ll be done. Think of it, love. Another 40 years together. I don’t know how she’s managed it—must be a miracle.”
He’s now just inches from the window. They are at about the same height. Miranda doesn’t say anything—she moves closer to the glass. Cal looks a bit sad suddenly—as if he’s about to confess something.
Cal: “I tried to be happy. I did. But I could only think of you. Miracle or not, I don’t care. [He puts his hand on the glass.] I’d sell my soul just to touch you again.”
At these words, Miranda lets a sob escape her lips and the tears start to flow. She puts her hand on the glass where his hand is and just stares at him. After a moment, she whispers, still looking directly at Cal.
Miranda: “Tara. In just a moment, when I say, I want you to close the curtains as fast as you can. Xander, when the curtains close, I want you to turn up the music on the stereo as loud as it will go.”
She takes one more long, sorrowful gaze at her husband and then waves to Tara with her free hand. She pulls away from the window a split second before the curtains arrive and the music goes up. It’s obvious that Cal is starting to say something, but the music kicks in just in time. Miranda turns and quickly rushes towards Spike—she buries her face in his chest as hard as she can, as the sobs start to come. He puts his arms around her and slowly moves them back towards the big chair—her body has gone completely limp. He kisses the top of her head gently and just holds her while she cries.
Scene 7
An hour or so passes. Miranda’s face is still held fast against Spike’s chest. He holds her up and to him—She has long since stopped crying and has not uttered a sound since. When one of his arms starts to shake from the strain, he shifts her lifeless weight to the other arm and gives it a break. Noticing his fatigue, Buffy is the first to speak to either of them.
Buffy: “Spike, maybe you should sit down for a minute.”
Spike: [in an irritated, but not too loud voice] “Sod off. You lot didn’t trust her and that means we don’t trust you, so leave us the fuck alone.”
Buffy: [surprised by his outburst] “Yeah, well, she’s not exactly been acting herself lately and in her current state, she might not have been so much in control. And don’t forget, she was the first to draw a weapon.”
Spike: “No, Angel was the first—vampire’s body’s his weapon.”
Buffy: [quietly] “I couldn’t take the risk with Dawn here.”
Spike: [hostile/bitter] “Guess it’s good to know where we stand, then innit?”
Buffy: [responding in kind] “Guess so.”
Miranda turns her head to the side so that her cheek is resting on Spike’s shoulder.
Miranda: [in a very tired voice] “It’s OK. We shouldn’t trust anything right now.”
Spike: [tenderly] “shhh, love.”
Miranda: “Let’s sit down a bit.”
M and S move over to the big chair and sit down. Everyone is looking at Miranda, but no one is saying anything—they don’t know what to say. An awkward silence ensues.
Angel: “Can I get you something? A glass of water?”
Miranda: “I’d quite like a cigarette and a glass of whiskey.
Spike hops up immediately and gets a pack out of his jacket. Xander is quick with the pouring of the whiskey and puts the glass in front of her. They are all staring awkwardly. Spike lights the cigarette and hands it to her—she picks up the glass.
Angel: “Are you sure you should be doing that? I mean, in your condition? [looking around for support] isn’t it bad?”
Miranda just gives him a disbelieving, irritated look—she wants to tell him to fuck off, but holds back and takes a drag. Spike just frowns and shakes his head.
Giles: “I think, under the circumstances, exceptions can be made.”
Xander: [cheerfully] “My mom smoked a pack a day when she was pregnant with me—and look how I turned out.”
Spike: “oh, God. Maybe you should reconsider, love.”
More tense silence.
Anya: [desperate to break it, as the tension is unbearable] “So what was your wedding like?”
Willow: [mortified] “What? Anya!”
Anya: [not perceiving the disbelieving shocked looks from everyone] “His tux was stunning and he mentioned your wedding, so I was just curious to know what it was like.”
Absolute horror on the faces of everyone—terrified of what Miranda’s reaction will be. After a beat, she cracks up with laughter and shakes her head.
Miranda: “ah, Anya—we can always count on you to break the mood. Uh, a wedding like any other I suppose. Big church, acres of white silk, champagne, flowers.”
Anya: “And cake? Was there a cake?”
Folks are still shooting Anya “stop it” looks, but she is oblivious.
Miranda: “There was—three tiers, it had.”
Anya: “Did you feel like a princess? They always say that.”
Miranda: “I suppose I did. It was, quite possibly, the happiest day of my life—right up to the moment when the priest said ‘until death do you part’.” [She lets out a small resigned laugh.]
Willow: “I’m sensing the need for a big change of subject right about now. Xander? Thoughts?”
Xander: “Uh, monopoly anyone?”
Dawn: “oooh, I get to be the top hat.”
Buffy: “no WAY. You always get the top hat. Fine. I call the car.”
Buffy, Xander and everyone but Giles, Angel, Spike and Miranda go across the room to play monopoly. Some time passes. Giles is flipping through a book. Miranda is sitting in the chair, Spike’s on the floor leaning against the chair and Angel is sitting on the floor leaning against the wall. They are all looking tired and bored. Giles suddenly gets that ‘discovery’ expression on his face (still reading from the book he’s holding).
Giles: “huh” [He’s still concentrating hard on the book.]
Miranda: [Not actually curious, but wanting anything to keep awake] “what huh?”
Giles: [scanning the book] “Oh, it’s just that like Willow said, the previous owner of the house was involved in fertility spells and such and so I was just looking through a few of her books—there’s a fairly straightforward spell here that may allow us to do a sort of paternity test. S’pose that’s what people did before DNA-testing. Can’t imagine it would’ve held up in court, however.”
Miranda’s eyes widen. There is absolutely NOTHING she wants less than Spike finding out about she and Angel—the thought of it makes her feel ill. Could this night BE any longer? Before she can say anything...
Spike: [calm, serious, but slightly defensive] “And what would we need that for?”
Giles: [at this, Giles looks up from the book and noticing his company (Angel, Spike and Miranda) and the look on Miranda’s face, he suddenly realizes that he shouldn’t have said anything—he’s tired too and his judgment isn’t what it should be. He tries to cover] “Oh, well, uh,...it is possible that the pregnancy could have a mystical origin, considering that neither vampires nor Immortals have been known to conceive—this would be a way of testing that possibility. So if we did the spell and there wasn’t a match, we’d know the pregnancy didn’t come about in the usual fashion.”
Miranda: [forgetting for a moment about S/A and thinking only about how to know definitively if the pregnancy is ‘real’ or not] “You really think it would work? On me—us?”
Giles: “It’s worth a try. Of course, we don’t have the necessary supplies here tonight—but I should be able to get everything at the magic shop. And then a sample—blood or hair from the potential father. Considering your vampires, I think hair would be more likely to work properly.”
Oh, god, he said ‘vampires’—Miranda holds her breath hoping Spike didn’t notice. As Giles finishes talking, Angel involuntarily runs his fingers through the hair on the back of his head.
Angel: “How long does it take?”
Spike: “What’s it to you?”
Up to this point, Spike is mainly concerned 1) that he might not be the father 2) about the humiliation of anyone finding out that he’s not the father or even the possibility that he’s not the father.
Angel: [very guilty look] “Just making conversation.”
Giles: [not paying attention to this exchange] “I’d like to show this to Willow—in case there’s something I’m missing.” [He walks over to the other side of the room.]
Spike is visibly thinking about something—that shallow frown he gets when he’s trying to figure something out. Miranda is trying (maybe a bit too hard) to appear casual—she exchanges a quick look with Angel (Spike doesn’t see this). He gets that it would be VERY bad for Spike to know what happened in LA—there could be violence/shouting—BAD BAD BAD!!]
Miranda: [chirpily] “You know what? I’m feeling a bit peckish.”
Angel: “I could stretch my legs—is there anything in the kitchen?” [He’s about to get up.]
Spike: [suddenly figuring something out, he gets a knowing smile/smirk on his face] “It was him. You’re one-off in LA. [to Angel] That’s why your bloody here.”
Miranda and Angel are just frozen—totally thrown by the direct accusation. It’s obvious from their reaction that it’s true.
Spike: [leaning back further against the chair] “Oh thank God.”
He starts laughing—the almost manic laugh of intense relief.
Angel: [to Miranda] “Not exactly the reaction I was expecting.”
Spike: [still laughing—genuinely] “Didn’t think you had it in you, mate. A bit above and beyond what I asked, but...” [more laughing]
Miranda: [very confused] “So, you’re not upset, then?”
Spike: [still looking very happy. Pointing] “He’s no more likely to be the father than me—less in fact. [explaining] I thought you’d shagged that Immortal bloke—seemed logical he’d be the likely candidate what with being the same as you and all. I’d been thinking about it all night.”
Miranda: [tenderly] “oh, Spike.” [Touched that he’d spent so much energy worrying about whether or not he was the father.]
Angel: “Where do you get LESS likely?”
Obviously annoyed by Spike’s reaction—not that he wanted to fight, but still...
Spike: [frowning now—he’d been so relieved to find out that it wasn’t the Immortal that he hadn’t thought about his animosity towards Angel] “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because she was so satisfied by your little one-nighter that she came back here and we fucked like bunnies for three days straight. How many times you think we did it, love? I lost count once we hit double digits.”
Angel: “Yeah, well I’ve got a soul, so...”
Spike: “Doesn’t that line get old after a while? Unless you keep your precious soul tucked away in your pecker for safe-keeping, I can’t imagine what difference it makes. It’s all down to probability and I’ve got that sorted.”
Angel: “Say what you want, Spike, but I think the timing is telling—assuming that it wasn’t just her neck you were interested in before your ex dragged her off to LA.”
Spike: [He’s only half listening to Angel and is still laughing it off for the most part. Oh, but then he gets a devilish grin on his face. To Miranda (sort of)] “’Course this means all bets are off—you owe me for this, love. [He lifts his head up and says loudly] Buffy, oh, Buffy—could you pop over for a minute?”
Angel: [threateningly mixed with a bit of pleading] “Spike, let’s not...”
Buffy leaves the monopoly game and walks over.
Buffy: [serious] “What’s up?”
Spike: [standing up; to Buffy] “Yeah, the thing is, slayer, we have to have sex.”
Buffy: [eye roll; uncomfortable glance to Angel] “That is so NOT funny.”
Spike: “Not trying to be funny, pet. Seems your hero here isn’t quite so heroic after all—taking advantage of damsels in distress and the like.”
Angel wants to say something but doesn’t—poor guy actually is worried that he might have taken advantage.
Buffy: [starting to get very uncomfortable] “What are you talking about?”
Spike: “Need to spell it out for you? Alright, then. LA—a dark and dreary hotel room—Miranda not feeling her best, turns to mister broody for a bit o’ comfort—gets a shag instead. The way I figure it, eye-for-an-eye’s the best kind of payback.”
Buffy: [Getting it—look of shock and anger as she turns to Angel] “You slept with her?”
Spike: “Not so much sleeping, as...”
Buffy: “Shut up, Spike. [to Angel] Is it true?”
Spike: [smirking; to Miranda, conspiratorially] “This is where it gets good.”
Angel: “I, uh...well. [gulp] Yeah.”
Buffy: [to Miranda] “You little slut.”
Miranda: [to Spike] “That was unexpected.”
Buffy: [back to Angel] “You slept with her. [figuring more out] That’s why you showed up here. [beat] How could you? I mean...”
Angel: [horrified at the prospect of hurting Buffy’s feelings] “It was a mistake—I wasn’t thinking.”
Miranda: “A mistake? [indignant] I don’t know as I’d go as far as to say that.”
Angel: [feeling trapped; turning to M/S] “He bites her; all the time.”
Miranda: [to Spike] “Ah, diversion. Not a bad strategy in this situation, I think.”
Spike: [to M] “Think I would have waited a bit before resorting to that.”
Buffy: [v. angry now] “I’ll deal with you two later. Angel can we talk a minute? Somewhere that’s not here?”
Spike: [to M] “Stay tuned for the battle of the repressed.”
He gets up and they move to the corner of the room—we don’t hear what they’re saying; S & M are spectating and trying to guess what’s going on between B & A. M is aware that this whole last little interaction (calling Buffy over) is a diversionary tactic of Spike’s, but she just rolls with it—things could be worse.
Willow: “Hey. Guys. The sun’s coming up!”
Xander: “Halleluja! Can we go home now?”
Anya: “But I was winning. Why does the game always have to end when I have almost all the money?”
Spike: “I quite fancy some fresh air. [to M] What do you think, love?”
Miranda: [slightly surprised. Although Spike can go out close to sunrise and sunset without getting burned now, he rarely suggests it—he’s a bit skittish still] “Sounds lovely.”
M & S walk out the front door. They plop down in the grass under a tree. Spike is squinting and looking very pale. M is pointing out the different flowers in the grass—S is mostly goofing off (throwing grass at her, etc.). They are just being cute. Buffy and Angel watch through the window.
Buffy: “It’s not fair.” [that Spike can go outside in the sun]
Angel: “Yeah.” [that Spike and Miranda get to be happy together]
Buffy: “What’re you going to do now that it’s daylight?”
Angel: “Don’t know. [pause] I’d rather not stay here.”
Buffy: “I’m sure we could get you to the car—you can crash at my place if you want.”
Angel: “Promise not to stake me in my sleep?”
Buffy: “I think I can hold back. Everything won’t seem so terrible once we’ve all had some sleep. Maybe. Hopefully.”
M & S come through the door—Spike is sucking his finger (it’s obviously painful).
Spike: “I can’t believe that thing bit me.”
Miranda: “It didn’t bite you, it stung you. I’ll get some vinegar.”
Spike: “Bloody bee.”
Miranda: “You did try to touch it, love. Just because it’s furry doesn’t mean you can pet it.”
Spike: [defensive] “I didn’t know—s’been 100 years or more since I’ve seen a bumblebee.”
As they come in, everyone else is leaving—too tired to talk, they file out in silence after agreeing to check in a bit later to come up with a plan for tonight.
Scene 8.
Later that day in Miranda’s house. The bedroom. Miranda and Spike had simply gone to bed/sleep once everyone had left without speaking, even though things had been left unresolved. Miranda awakes to find Spike leaning up on one elbow, staring at her, looking pensive.
Spike: [in a somewhat hoarse and quiet voice] “So why don’t you want to get married, then? Had it figured that it’s because it might not be mine—but it isn’t HIS.” [disgust in his voice when he says ‘his’]
Miranda: [dismissive tone] “Do you really want to be a father? Do you have any idea what that means? Everything would have to change.”
Spike: “What ‘everything’? Put a crib in the corner there, buy a few nappies...”
Miranda: “You know it’s more than that. Besides, correct me if I’m wrong, but it was only a few years ago that the phrase ‘having a baby’ had an entirely different meaning for you.”
Spike: “So that’s what this is about? You think I’d hurt it? God, Miranda—not your baby [as he says this he reaches down and softly strokes her belly]—I would never...”
Miranda: “I know. I know. But what about everything else? Everyone else? Someday the chip will stop working and are you really ready to promise that you’d never bite anyone? I don’t want to have to explain to junior why his little friends keep disappearing. Or his teachers or the local police. I couldn’t live like that.”
This stings. She says it deliberately because it’s what he expects to hear.
Spike: “What a load of bollocks. [beat] That’s not it.”
He sounds almost surprised when he says this, but he’s sure he’s right. What is it?
Miranda: [Caught off guard. Even she had convinced herself that was it, but upon hearing his reaction, she understands he’s right. How does he do that? How can he know her better than she knows herself? She’s almost annoyed and keeps with what she was saying] “I just don’t think you understand what...”
Spike: “And he does?”
Miranda: “I don’t know. [she’s tearing up now. softening] You really want it? You’d really want to stay? [Seeing the look in his eyes, she suddenly panics and gets up and walks to the bathroom while saying] Don’t answer. Don’t. Please don’t.”
He tries to follow her, but she closes the door in his face and turns the shower on so she can’t hear him. He shouts at the door.
Spike: “Why? Why, ‘cause it’ll be harder to leave me then? [He waits for an answer, but one doesn’t come. After a few minutes, he angrily puts on some clothes and shouts back to the door] We’re out of cigarettes. I’m going out.”
He stomps up the stairs and is gone. She comes out a few minutes later and sits on the bed. She goes upstairs—good, it’s still daylight—mid-evening. She lays on the couch to wait for him. She sits up with a start when she hears the door slam shut—did she doze for a minute? She assumes it was Spike and that he’s gone downstairs. In a few minutes, she gets up to follow him. She finds him already under the covers and asleep (on his side, facing the wall, away from her side of the bed). She does her best to cuddle up to him, but he doesn’t stir. She whispers in his ear.
Miranda: “I love you, William. How could I love anything as much as you? But it isn’t real. It can’t be real—I want it so much. It can’t be. [Then the expression on her face changes—softens into an almost delirious smile. She’s drifting off to sleep now] It’d be such a beautiful baby, wouldn’t it, love—yours and mine.”
She nuzzles the back of his neck and quickly falls asleep. She starts to dream. It’s not pleasant or unpleasant. She is walking somewhere in Sunnydale—she knows where she is going, but is moving casually. She arrives at an abandoned factory (yeah, another one!). She suddenly finds herself in a large room—then she is moved quickly to a sort of platform. It’s empty at first, but then in an instant, she sees two chairs. First the chairs are empty. Then in one appears Dawn, tied up. In the other is Spike, chained. Glory appears in front of them—a knife in her hand.
Glory: “It’s about time. I’ve been waiting and waiting and waiting and that makes me cranky. Very cranky. Maybe this will speed things up.”
She casually walks over to Spike, who is gagged. She grabs hold of his hair, yanks his head back and then slowly (as if in slow motion) slits his neck from ear to ear with the knife—blood starts to pour out. Miranda wakes with a gasp as she bolts up in bed. She turns to where Spike was asleep, knowing he won’t be there—he isn’t. She runs upstairs, tears streaming down her face. She grabs her sword and her cell phone and runs out the door. She is still in her pajamas. Shots of her running, growing more hysterical with every step (it is now dark). She tries to make a call on the phone, but keeps making mistakes, because she can barely see through her tears. She finally dials Buffy’s number—Buffy answers.
Buffy: “Hello”
Miranda: “She’s got him. She showed me. She...[she can’t get the words out]...don’t know if he’s alive.” [she’s practically hyperventilating now]
Buffy: “Miranda? Slow down.”
Miranda: “Dawn, too. Hurry. She’s at the old factory behind the [insert place name blah]”
Buffy: “Dawn is upstairs sleeping. It’s still light out.”
Miranda: “No. It’s a trick. Somehow...it’s dark—has been. She’s got them.”
Buffy: “Don’t go alone. It’s a trap—wait for us to catch up and we’ll go together.”
Miranda: “Can’t wait...he could be...I saw it...I have to go now.” [She throws the phone down and starts running faster]
Buffy: “Miranda, wait!” [It’s too late. Buffy runs upstairs and sure enough, Dawn is not there. She gathers the troops and heads out.]
**
Meanwhile, M arrives at the factory and storms in, ready to fight. She’s so upset, she’s shaking and she can barely see through her tears. She is surprised that she has a totally unimpeded path to the platform that she saw in her dream. There she sees Dawn and Spike and Glory as she had dreamed them, only now Spike is lying limp and lifeless in the chair—an unimaginable amount of blood on the floor in front of him. Dawn is crying. At the sight of Spike, Miranda’s eyes widen in a mad fury. Glory is standing in front of them, wiping some blood of her shoe.
Glory: “Finally. Who knew a vampire would have so much blood in him? Wish he would stop bleeding and dust already. Got your attention, though, didn’t it? I’m a sucker for dramatics. I’m guessing you told your slayer friend that we’ve got her bratty little sister—or what was it the vampire called her? Little bit? Isn’t that adorable.”
Miranda rushes towards Glory, but a few of the minions step in front. They don’t attack her, but she has to get rid of them to move forward.
Glory: “What no shoes today?” [Miranda looks down at her feet—she hadn’t noticed that she was barefoot until now.] “Disappointing.”
Miranda: “Fight me, you bitch. Call off your dogs.”
Glory: “We’re not here to fight—we’re here to talk.”
Miranda: “Go to hell.”
Glory: “Believe me, I’m trying.”
Miranda makes a few more attempts to get to Glory, but to no avail. She is slowly beating back all the minions, who although being in her way, still have not raised any weapons. She finally gets close enough to Glory to take a few swings with her sword—Glory ducks, but does eventually take a punch or two to the face. She doesn’t raise a hand to Miranda, who is getting more and more furious and yelling “Fight me, you coward. Why won’t you fight?”
Glory: “You think I’m afraid of a little pee-on Immortal like you? Whatever. You’ve got something of mine.”
Miranda: [putting it all together.] “None of you will fight me...because...you don’t want to hurt the baby.”
Glory: “Not nearly so fragile as humans, but my boys don’t want to take any chances. You’re just a convenient little Immortal carrying case for my future body—on the off chance that things don’t go as planned. And the best part is, I won’t have to share that one. My little priesties need to do some sort of chanting or something to keep it going and who knew it would be so hard to get to you? So here we are. [Seeing the demoralized look on M’s face] What, did you think you could fight me? Hardly. [Turning to a few of her minions who are standing off to the side] Can we get this over with now?”
Miranda takes advantage of Glory’s momentary distraction and swiftly swings her sword and slices off Glory’s head, which she then kicks across the room. As you might expect, instead of falling, Glory’s body just starts walking around dizzily looking for her head while the ‘head’ is yelling to the priests to bring them together (you get the picture). Just then, Buffy and the others show up and all this together is enough of a distraction to allow them rush the platform. Miranda goes straight to Spike’s chair and breaks the chains with her sword. She then tosses her sword away so that she can drag him and support his head (which is actually barely attached) at the same time. Someone frees Dawn and they all sneak off down a passageway while Buffy and Angel maintain the commotion (keeping Glory from getting her head back, etc.). They get to a place near a back exit and pause for a moment to wait for Buffy and Angel to catch up—this only takes a few seconds. Miranda is taking a moment to undo Spike’s gag and carefully wrap it around his neck across the wound. When she’s done this, she looks up at the group. Tears are still streaming down her face.
Miranda: “Bandages? Anything?”
Xander: “I’ve got some duct tape.” [He pulls it out of his handyman belt. She takes it.]
Buffy: [to M] “We have to go. They’ll be here any minute—you can finish that in the car.”
Miranda: “No. Go on ahead. He’ll be dust before we get to the car if I don’t do something. Don’t ask me how I know, I just do.”
B shoots a look to A who just gives her a shrug—Spike looks bad enough that she could be right—who knows? What with everything else that’s changed.
Buffy: [to everyone else] “Take Dawn out. NOW. [everyone but Buffy and Angel start moving to the door head out. Now to M] She’s right behind us. We need to go. You can’t do anything for him here anyway.”
Miranda: [She’s kneeling beside him, trying to unravel the duct tape] “I won’t leave him.”
Buffy can tell by the look in her eyes that it’s not worth arguing.
Buffy: “I have to go with Dawn. We can’t wait.” [she starts moving to the door]
Miranda isn’t really listening—she’s working hard to wrap the duct tape around Spike’s neck over the cloth gag. She’s focused only on helping Spike—nothing else even enters her head.
Miranda: [she calls after them] “A knife. Anything sharp?” [no one has anything—the first group out the door had all the weapons. [slightly hysterical now] How can you not have anything? You have bloody duct tape, but nothing with a sharp edge—Oh god. [She feels sick. Then, thinking of something] Angel. Please. Hang on a minute.”
Angel looks to Buffy.
Angel: “I’ll stay back with them. We’ll meet you back at the house.”
Buffy: [Buffy nods] “We’ll bring the second car around to this exit and leave it for you.”
Miranda: [finishing wrapping the tape around his neck—good ol’ duct tape—his head is now somewhat supported. She is ripping off a piece of fabric from her pajamas as she says] “I need your teeth, Angel.”
Angel: “What?”
Miranda: “It’s the only way. Please.”
Angel: [figuring it out] “No. It’s [Spike’s head] not going to come off now. Let’s get out of here.”
Miranda: “I’d use my bloody fingernails if they were long enough. Please, Angel. I can do something. I can help him. Please.” [She looks up at him—tears flowing from her eyes—absolutely desperate.]
Angel: “What about the baby?”
Miranda: [manic laugh] “Doesn’t matter. It’s bloody Rosemary’s”
Angel: “Who’s Rosemary? [getting it. disappointment and empathy] Oh. [pause] What do you want me to do?”
Miranda: “Let me just get in the right position. [she moves behind Spike and pulls him between her legs so that the back of his head is resting against her stomach. She then positions herself so that if she moves her left arm around, the crux of her elbow is even with his mouth. He is completely lifeless and limp. Pointing to the vein in her arm.] Bite there and then give it a good suck to get the blood flowing quickly.” [Angel hesitates for a moment] “Please, Angel. We don’t have much time.” [Angel vamps out and then does as she says. Once he moves his mouth away, she directs the stream of blood to Spike’s mouth, which she has propped open. She squeezes her hand on the ball of fabric she tore out of her pants to increase the blood flow. A minute passes. She’s still crying—where does all the water come from? She is stroking his hair with her other arm and kissing his head softly. She’s completely oblivious to Angel’s presence. She whispers to Spike] “It’s going to be Ok. Come on now, my love.” [Nothing happens. She looks at the wound and notices it’s stopped bleeding—ever since she’s been pregnant, her rate of healing seems to have increased dramatically. She holds her arm up to Angel] “Do it again.” [He wants to argue, but the look on her face is so determined that he simply does as she asks and bites into her arm. She doesn’t even flinch. Another 30 seconds or so goes by.]
Angel: “How long are you going to wait?”
Miranda: [voice quavering] “Just a bit more. [Then, finally, she feels Spike’s lips lock around the wound and begin sucking gently] There’s my love—that’s a good boy. [A look of relief crosses her face and she suddenly looks almost serene] Enough for now—one of us has to walk out of here.”
With that, she pulls her arm away and then takes the fabric from her hand and wraps it around the wound. Spike still isn’t completely conscious, but he’s moving.
Angel: “You’ve got to be weak—I’ll carry him. We need to get out of here in a hurry.”
She nods. Angel pulls one of Spike’s arms around his shoulder and lifts him up—Spike moves his legs, but can barely put any weight on them—his eyes only flutter open and shut. Miranda stands up and they move towards the door. But just then, Glory appears—her head back on.
Glory: “And where exactly do you think you’re going? I told you, you’ve got something of mine. Trust me, if I could, I’d just rip it out now, but they tell me it’s too early.”
A large number of minions/priests have appeared behind her.
Miranda: [whispers to Angel] “Get behind me—close—and do exactly as I say.” [Angel sets Spike down and moves behind Miranda—they are up against a wall] [to Glory] “What do you say we make a deal?”
Glory: “You may not have noticed, but you’re pretty much cornered. You can’t fight, you can’t run, so I don’t think you’ve got anything to bargain with.”
Miranda: [looking at her own stomach] “Oh, I think I do. I’m guessing you want it alive?”
Glory: “Pulease. You don’t have any weapons—what’re you going to do, cry it to death?” [She does a mocking cry.]
Miranda: “I’ve got a strapping set of teeth behind me that’d do the job. Tell us, Angel, in your heyday, ‘bout how long would it take to drain a girl like me, if you were in a hurry?”
Angel: “Oh, 5, maybe 10 seconds tops.”
Miranda: “Right. You see, I’d bounce right back from that, but I’m guessing the baby wouldn’t. Not that brain damage would make much of a difference.”
Glory: [she glances at her monks who confirm that this would be bad for the baby] “I’m listening.”
Miranda: “There’s a car parked just outside that door. Let them get to it and go—you don’t need them for anything anyway. I’ll stay behind.”
Glory: “I let them go and they go straight back to the slayer and then come back and hassle me AGAIN. I’m getting so tired of that. Besides, I think your bluffing. [getting an idea] The thing is, if things go the way they should, I’m outta here and you can keep your stupid baby. I know you want it—least that’s what superbrain over there tells me.” [Indicating the demon that was spotted last night outside of the house.]
Miranda: “Right, because your baby would surely be a delight. Angel?” [He vamps and moves to bite her neck—just as his teeth pierce her skin, Glory intercedes.]
Glory: “Okay, okay. Stop. Whatever.”
Miranda stays in front of Angel and Spike—Angel supports S again. They move as a group towards the door—M knows that the minute she moves away from A or S, Glory’s men will try to stake them/shoot them with an arrow. They get to the door.
Miranda: [to Angel] “Take him back to the house. There’s blood in the freezer.”
Angel: “We ARE making a break for it, right?”
Miranda: “No. Too risky. I’m staying.”
Angel: “Are your crazy?”
Miranda: “Well, maybe, but that’s not the point. She won’t hurt me while the baby’s still alive. Come back for me when you’ve got a plan and some reinforcements. I’ll be ready.”
That’s all the time they have for speaking. Angel w/S make it to the car. Miranda is quickly taken into custody by Glory’s men. The door shuts and now we just see A & S at the car. Angel roughly throws Spike into the backseat—now that M is gone, he tosses Spike around like he were a sack of potatoes. He gets in the front seat and starts up the car. He looks in the rearview mirror and sees that Spike’s eyes are half open.
Angel: “Do you have any idea how lucky you are? Any clue at all, you selfish bastard?”
He obviously doesn’t expect an answer and just looks annoyed and drives on.
- 12
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Violently Happy