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Once More With Feeling	By : TiffersTaffy Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > Het - Male/Female > Buffy/Giles Views: 4209 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own "Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or it's characters. I do not make any money from this story.

Chapter List
- 11
- 12
- 13
Chapter 12:
Goodbye to You

Disclaimer: Michelle Branch Song – Goodbye to You
inspiration for chapter title.

The next two
months that went by was tough on both Buffy and Giles. Giles was
slowly healing, and had finally started to be able to wobble around
without much pain. Buffy, on the other hand, had not been feeling
her best. Her wounds from the battle with Glory had long since
healed. But, she had been feeling incredibly sick, and spent most
of her mornings in the bathroom. She had begun to worry that
something was wrong. She had never felt this sick for so long, and
she didn't know what exactly to think about it. One fear remained
constant in the back of her mind. She might be pregnant. Buffy knew
that one day she would want to have kids and raise a family, but at
the age of 21? It was too soon. Everything was going to fast. The
death of her mom, her whirlwind romance with her watcher, and now
she might have a family of her own to raise? And what would Giles
think if it was true? Would he leave or would he stay?

All those thoughts
had been running through her head for a while, and she didn't know
what to think anymore. And all of those thoughts had come up again
as she made a race to her bathroom across the hall from her
bedroom. She sat by the toilet after she was finished vomiting,
wrapping her arms around her legs and feeling the tears fall. She
was sure something was going on. She was almost positive she was
pregnant. Why else would she keep throwing her guts up without
running a fever or anything like that? Buffy sighed, hitting her
head back against the wall a few times. It was a few minutes before
she realized that she was no longer alone.

"Buffy? You
okay?"

Willow, her best
friend in the whole world was standing in the door way with a look
of concern growing on her face. Buffy sniffed and rubbed the tears
from her eyes as she stood up, making her way back to her bed room.
She didn't want to talk about it. She couldn't talk about what was
bothering her, because if she did it would become real and she
couldn't handle that just yet. Willow followed her though, as a
good friend always would. The redhead sat down on the bed beside
her, waiting for her to speak. She just wanted the problem to go
away.

"I knocked
but no one answered, so I came up here to see if you were okay..."

"I'm...I –
I don't know, Will. I really don't know. "

"You have
been feeling sick lately. I have been worried..."

"I'm not
sick...I think it's something else.."

Will's face filled
with confusion as her friend spoke. Buffy could see it in her eyes.
How was Buffy going to tell her what she thought was wrong, when
she couldn't even let herself think it? She sighed, putting her
face in her hands. She had to tell Willow. Willow was one person
she could never lie to, no matter how much she wanted too. Buffy
dropped her hands and looked up at Willow, knowing that she
couldn't keep things from her.

"Willow, I
think I might...be pregnant."

"Are you
sure?"

"Yes –
and no. Maybe. I don't know. It would make a lot of sense if I
was."

"Well, there
is only one way to find out. Go and get a test, or several, and
see."

Buffy sighed, but
nodded to her friend. Willow was right. She would have to get a
test and see if it was true. It would be the only way that she
would know for sure. Pharmacies sold a million different kind of
them, so it wouldn't be to hard. Willow spoke again after placing a
small hand on Buffy's knee.

"Whatever it
says, I'll still be here you know."

"I know,
Will...I just don't know what Giles - "

"Buffy, don't
even finish that sentence. Yes, you do know. He'll be British about
it, but I know he will be happy."

"You think?"

"I know. Now,
come on. The pharmacy isn't that far away. I'll go with you."

"Thanks,
Will."

The pair left the
house and spent a total of an hour walking to the store, finding a
couple of tests, and walking back to Buffy's house. Buffy bought
three different tests, just to be sure that she was getting the
same results. She had never thought she would have this problem.
She had always thought that her Slaying would never allow her to
have children or get married or any of that. And now that this
chance to have a child was thrusting into her lap, she didn't
really know if she wanted to take it.

After she peed on
all the little sticks, she sat them on the sink and waited. She let
Willow back into the room, and the pair of them sat by the toilet,
crouched by the door letting the minutes tick by. Buffy didn't want
to look at them. She was too afraid of what she would find their.
When the time came, she pushed Willow and nudged her to go and
look. Willow nodded and stood up, walking over to the sink.

"Buffy, they
are all – positive. Little red crosses. What does that mean?"

"It means
what we thought it meant, Willow. I'm pregnant."

Buffy said the
words coldly. She didn't mean for it to come out harsh, but it did.
She stood up, and Willow rushed to her side. Buffy shook her head,
as she felt her body beginning to collapse underneath her. How
could this have happened? Giles and her had only spent one night
together. One night that had been one of the best of her life. She
didn't understand. She felt Willow sitting her down on the toilet,
and crouching down beside her. Buffy had her head laying against
her knees to keep her stomach settled.

"Buffy?"

"I don't know
if I can do this, Will."

"Yes, you
can. You're strong, and you're not alone. You have Dawn. You have
the gang. You have Giles...and you have me."

Buffy let her eyes
look up at her friend, who's face was smiling. Willow seemed
confident that things were going to work out just fine. How could
she know? How could any of them no. All she knew was that she was
now in danger. Glory had been pretty silent since the last battle.
And if she was to find out that the Slayer was now more vulnerable
then ever, Buffy and the baby would have no chance. She shook her
head, letting her head fall back into her lap, and letting the
tears fall.

"What do I do
now?"

"I think the
first thing you do is go to Giles and tell him. And then the pair
of you can decide what to do next."

Buffy looked up at
Willow. A part of Buffy wanted to bury the whole thing and never
speak of it. She wasn't thinking of ending the pregnancy in any
means. She couldn't live with herself if she did that. But, she
didn't know if she could tell Giles. She didn't know if she could
find the words to speak it. She sighed, and nodded, standing up.

"I know you
are right, Willow. It's just – not going to be easy."

"And that's
why you have us."

"Just promise
me, Will, that you won't tell anyone. Let me tell them."

"Of course,
Buffy. I won't even tell Tara. It will be hard, but I can do that."

Buffy forced a
simple smile to form over her face, hugging her friend. She was
glad that she had someone with her when she discovered the truth.
Buffy moved from her friend, and told her that she was going down
to the Magic Box to look for Giles. Willow wanted to go with her,
but Buffy said that she needed to go alone. She left the house
after a few minutes, walking down the street towards the shop. Her
life had changed forever that morning, and she still didn't know
exactly how she felt about the whole thing.

Giles was not at
the Magic Box though. He had spent the better part of his morning
packing a bag. He had made up his mind all those weeks ago in the
hospital room that he was doing more harm than good by being with
Buffy. He had almost got her killed. And, he wasn't going to let
that happen again. Giles loved Buffy more than anyone he had ever
loved in his life, and it was that love for her that was driving
him to make the decision to visit England for a while. He knew of a
coven in Devon that had powerful magic. He would go to them and see
if their was anything they knew about Glory. He had to help Buffy
somehow, and this was the only way he could think of. All his books
had dried up. There was nothing left to learn here in Sunnydale.

He sat in his
living room, the plane ticket back to London sitting on his
suitcase on the couch beside him. A glass of whiskey was in his
hand, and he finished off the last drop. He placed the glass back
on the table, and sat back against the couch, removing his glasses
from his face. He leaned down, and placed his head in his hands,
kicking the table in frustration. He didn't want to leave Buffy. He
never had. He just didn't think that it was a good thing that they
were together anymore. She was going to hurt herself eventually
trying to save him, and he couldn't live with himself if that
happened.

He turned as he
heard the knock on the door. He didn't know who it was, but he
didn't know if he should answer it either. He stood up, placing his
glasses back on his face as he wobbled his way slowly to the door,
opening it slowly. The beautiful blonde-haired angel he had grown
to love was standing there. Of course she had found him. He was a
fool to think he could have slipped away without her knowing.

"Buffy..."

"Hey. What
are you doing here? It's eleven a.m. Why aren't you at the shop?"

"I had
something that I needed to do. Is there something I can help you
with?"

"Can we talk?
It's sort of important."

Giles sighed,
nodding as he moved aside to let her in. She took a few looks
around his apartment. Everything was all packed up into boxes and
nothing was as it should be. The fear began to grow inside her. He
moved in front of her, looking down at her with a look colder than
any she had ever seen. He looked detached from the current
situation. She had no idea what was going on but she was scared.
And she was sure the fear showed on her face.

"What is it,
Buffy?"

"Are you
going somewhere?"

"Yes...I'm
going home."

"Home? You
mean England? Why?"

Giles turned from
her moving back to the couch without answering her questions. He
didn't know if he could say what he had to say without hurting her.
He knew it would hurt, no matter how it came out. She moved to the
side of the couch, looking down to see the ticket. It was one way.
Her heart dropped into her stomach as she realized what was going
on. He was leaving, and he wasn't coming back.

"You're
leaving me?"

"In a sense,
yes..."

"Why?"

Her voice rose a
few levels, seeing him pour another glass of whiskey. She didn't
understand. What had she done wrong? Did he stop loving her? Had
she not played the dotting girlfriend these last few weeks and
taken care of him? She felt herself falling into the chair behind
her, waiting for him to answer her question. He took a sip of his
whiskey before speaking, the words not making any sense to her.

"Because I
have to, Buffy. I can't keep doing this to you. I can't keep
risking your life. I have to leave so you will be strong and fight
Glory without worrying about me. So you will live."

"Giles, you
can't leave -"

"Buffy, my
mind is made up and there is no way to change it. I have thought it
through a hundred different times, and I always come to the same
conclusion. I must go. I love you more than anything, but it's a
sacrifice I will have to make."

"Sacrifice?
What are you talking about? None of this makes sense. You can't
just leave. Not now."

"Please don't
make this harder than it already is."

Buffy couldn't
wrap her head around anything that he was saying. It was all just
words that she didn't believe. He was leaving because he thought it
would protect her. He didn't understand that she had never felt
safer than when she was with him. He stood up, moving to stand in
front of her.

"I will be
back...eventually. I just – need some time. I will be in
Devon, with a coven. They are quite powerful and I hope they will
help me find a way to defeat Glory. I will return to you if and
when I find anything."

"So...you're
leaving."

"Yes.
Tonight."

Her eyes looked up
at him, and for the first time she saw the tear stained face of his
Slayer. She was hurt, and he had known she would be. This decision
was effectively ending the roller-coaster ride of a romance they
had experienced the last few months. He crouched down to her,
reaching out for her hand. But she wouldn't let him touch her. She
stood up and pushed passed him, walking back towards the door.

"Buffy?"

She stopped as
soon as she reached the door, and turned back to look at him. He
was standing only inches from her. She wanted to reach out and
touch him, to kiss him, and to beg him not to leave her. Not now.
Not after she discovered that she was carrying his child. She made
her decision in a split second. She wouldn't tell him of his child.
If he came back, and she would tell him then. But, she couldn't
tell him. She was convinced that it wouldn't make a difference. He
was still leaving her. The anger began to build inside her as she
finally found her voice again.

"I hope you
have a nice trip. But, don't expect me to be waiting for you if you
-"

"I
understand..."

"No, you
really don't! You don't understand anything! You think you are
being noble by leaving me or something, bur you're just making
yourself look like a guy who can't take commitment. I love you, and
dammit I was a fool to open myself up to you! The spirit guide told
me to risk the pain, and look how well it worked out! Look what I
got in return! No 'gift'. Just pain and hurt. If that is my gift, I
want to send it back because I don't need it."

Her anger shook
with every word that she spoke. She felt as though she would
collapse at any moment from all the anger and frustration she was
feeling. She watched as he threw his glass against the wall behind
him. He then turned and lunged at her, taking her in his arms as
his voice boomed through her head. The Ripper in him was coming
out, and he could barely control his anger.

"You think
this is easy for me, Buffy? I want to be here! I don't want to hurt
you! I never want to hurt you! And most of all, I want to keep you
safe! I'm doing this for you and your protection."

She removed his
hands from her arms and pushed him, watching him fall to the floor
half way across the room. he chuckled as she walked towards him,
stopping a few feet from him. He sat up, scrambling to his feet.
She wasn't going to hurt him and he knew it. She was just upset,
and he could understand why. He still kept up his guard unless she
decided to attack. He hated to see the anger and pain boiling
inside of her, but he knew this had to be done. He couldn't change
his mind. She laughed once again and spoke coldly to him, shaking
her head.

"Newsflash
for you, Giles! I don't need you anymore! I never really did. And,
I'm not a little girl, and I don't need your protection. I can take
care of my self, Rupert!"

"I know,
Buffy. That's why I am leaving...to help you see that you don't
need me as much as you think."

"Great. At
least you know something. Not to good at listening though. I
believe I said I don't need you."

"Buffy..."

She sighed and
turned around, heading back to the door. She felt his hand touch
her arm and she turned, looking at him in the eyes. She was giving
in. But it was more out of exhaustion than anything. She was tired,
and he could see it. She hadn't been feeling well lately and he had
been worried. He tried to move a hand to her face but she pushed it
away, backing back up towards the door as she spoke.

"Listen,
Giles, I'm done. I'm tired, and I just - I can't do this anymore."

She turned and
opened the door, looking back to him more, shaking her head. A
single tear feel down her face as she pushed out the door, slamming
it behind her. She left Giles standing where he was. It took every
bone and muscle in his body for him not to turn around and chase
after her. But, he knew it would be for the best in the end. He
pushed his feelings of lose deep down inside him. He spoke softly,
more to himself than to the woman he was thinking of.

"Goodbye,
Buffy.."

He turned and
grabbed his suitcase on the couch and his ticket. He had to leave,
even if he didn't want to. The boxes would be moved to a storage
place by his landlord in a few days. He only carried his one
suitcase with him, as it was all he needed. He took one last look
around his apartment before turning the lights off and closing the
door. He didn't really know if he would ever be back, but he had a
feeling he couldn't stay away from Buffy for to long. But, for now
his mind was focused on the coven. He would find a way to kill
Glory, even if it was the last thing he did for Buffy.
- 11
- 12
- 13
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Once More With Feeling