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She Sends Kisses	By : Prophecy Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > FemmeSlash - Female/Female > Buffy/Faith Views: 3032 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy and I do not make any money from this story.

Chapter List
- 11
- 12
- 13
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Part Twelve: Touched

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I looked into your eyes and saw a world that does not exist

I looked into your eyes and saw a world I wish I was in

I'll never find someone quite as touched as you

I'll never love someone quite the way that I loved you

- VAST, 'Touched'

We lay in bed. Just laying, Faith curling the ends of my hair around her fingertips, my head on her chest. There's something comforting about the feel of a body next to yours, the warmth and weight of another person, reminding you that you're not alone. We're all alone at the end of the day, we're always stuck in our own heads. But it's nice, for even a few minutes at a time, to pretend that's not true.

Faith's hand slows, and I smile a little as her heartbeat does as well. It lasts maybe a minute before she unknowingly kills the moment by letting out a snore that could make cows restless miles away.

"You're disgusting," I whisper to her, and she mumbles her agreement. At least, that's how I choose to interpet it.

We've both slept in the bottom bunk every night since the riot.

We never discussed it, we just did it. Everything around us slowly returned to normal. Lockdown ended after a few days, and we were allowed to roam the common area again, though there was a noticeable increase in the amount of guards present at any time. Cuts and bruises started to heal, contraband began circulating again, empty cells were filled, and the news stories died down to almost nothing.

But something changed between us. Like an unspoken agreement that we would have each other's back no matter what. Something changed inside me, too. For so long, I felt that I needed to be punished, that I deserved to be hurt, that anything that happened to me was just a consequence of my own actions. Every single night since I clawed my way out of my grave, I dreamed of clawing my way right back inside it. Closing out the sun, closing my eyes, and floating away to the comforting abyss of dreamless sleep.

Spike was wrong. I never wanted to hide in the dark.

I wanted to hide in the nothing.

At least, I thought I did. If I really wanted to disappear, to not exist anymore, I wouldn't have been so terrified that I was going to die during the riot. I wouldn't have wanted to survive it so badly.

We never discussed the pictures; we never needed to. I knew deep inside why she'd kept them, and with my hatred for her waning every moment, I no longer felt like rubbing it in her face.

The way I see it, we're stuck in this place for the next ten years or so together. Probably in the same cell thanks to our respective reputations as freakishly strong headcases. Either one of us could request a swap for a lot of reasons, but I don't plan to, and I doubt Faith does either.

Better the devil you know.

Of course, the devil I know is sleeping with her mouth open and making so much noise that it sounds like she's got a cat caught in her sinuses, and she looks more goofy than devilish. I shift a little, laying my head on her shoulder instead, and studying her face.

After a few minutes she cracks one eye and furrows her brows. "Wha?"

I just shrug and close my eyes.

"You want me," she mumbles lightly as she dozes off again.

It's kind of a running joke. Obviously, everyone in here has me pegged for Faith's bitch, and I'd probably get charged with perjury if I tried to tell them we weren't sleeping together. The truth of the matter is, Faith is strong. Physically strong.

And I'm terrified.

At night I wake up crying from dreams of being trampled to death by bloody inmates, of corpses chasing me through a prison labyrinth. Gunshots being fired and screams.

The prison brought in extra counselors to help us cope with what happened. Mine's name is Thomas, and he's the kind of guy I would have dated in my old life. Now he's the kind of guy who listens to me talk about laying in the makeshift foxhole under the bed for hours, the smell of death surrounding me, and how scared I was when my power was taken away.

As a Slayer, you have power, you feel power. You live, sleep, breathe, and eat power. Even as the arresting officer put the cuffs on me, I knew I could break them if I wanted to. Knew I could run, and disappear if I wanted to. Knew it'd take an army of normal humans to bring me down.

And how much stronger of an army can you get, than a few thousand women who've been caged up being given a chance at freedom?

The sound of metal on metal startles me, and I look up to see one of the guards, Ricky, knocking on the bars with his club.

"Yard-out," he says.

Faith grunts and rolls over, pushing her face into the pillow for a minute before oozing off the bed and standing up, rubbing her eyes. I get up as well, and Ricky walks us to the door, picking up his two-way. "I got 430019 and 598439."

"Check that," the garbled voice comes back, and the door starts to open.

"430019 and 598439 coming out!"

We head outside and start walking the perimeter of the exercise yard slowly. Faith lights a cigarette and I sigh, trailing my hand along the chain-link fence.

"Why do you do that?"

I look over at her. "Do what?"

"Every time we walk, you hold onto the fence like that, and you look down. There somethin' really interesting in the grass or something?"

I shrug a little. "Don't like looking up."

She frowns and looks up. "What's not to like? Blue sky, white clouds. Confused birds. Looks alright to me."

I lower my eyes to the ground again. "The barbed wire depresses me. If I look down, I can.. I don't know. Pretend we're walking through Weatherly Park or something." She doesn't answer me, and I lower my voice. "Pretty dumb, huh?"

"No," she says, blowing some smoke out thoughtfully. "It's not dumb at all."

"You know what is dumb, though?" I move a little closer to her as we walk.

"Deb's haircut?" she nods her chin towards Deb, who has a feathered mullet.

I laugh a little despite myself, and it sounds foreign to my own ears. "That, too. But.. I was thinking about how much I missed Slaying. Even though I always wanted to walk away from it, I miss it now. Isn't that stupid?"

Faith reaches out and takes my hand, squeezing it lightly as we start our second loop around the yard, and her voice is comforting yet regretful when she answers me.

"Yep. That's pretty dumb."
- 11
- 12
- 13
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She Sends Kisses