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Love and Death Embrace	By : addielogan Category: > Buffy/Spike(William) > Buffy/Spike(William) Views: 4146 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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�You�you love
me?�

Spike considered
denying it. He hadn�t meant to say it, hadn�t even realized it was true until the
words were out of his mouth. But they were true, even if he didn�t
understand it at all. Somehow, he�d managed to fall for this woman before he�d
even seen it coming. It bollixed up everything in his life, but even that didn�t
make it any less true. �Yeah, I guess I do.� He shrugged and gave her a
boyish, nervous grin. �Didn�t see that coming.�

�Oh.� Buffy
looked down. �I wish you didn�t.�

Her response was
like a cold splash of water, though it only served to reinforce the truth of
his declaration � her rejection cut too deeply for him to be feeling anything
else. �I�I didn�t mean to fall, Buffy.�

�I know,� Buffy
replied, moving her hands off him, though she stayed in his lap. �But it�s only
going to make it hard for you when you have to stake me.�

�Oh, kitten,�
Spike said, wrapping his arms around her and bringing
her to rest against his chest as what had seemed like a rejection suddenly made
sense to him. �I�m not going to stake you, baby. I�m never going to hurt you
again.�

�But�but you have
to. You said you have to,� Buffy said, moving out of his arms. �I�I�m a vampire,
and you kill vampires.�

�Yeah, I�m really
not sure how this is going to work,� Spike admitted, scratching the back of his
head as he pondered their dilemma. �All I know is you�ve managed to capture my
heart; I want to keep you for myself.�

�I don�t know if
I can stop feeding, Spike. I mean, you�re really yummy, but��

Spike silenced
her with a kiss. �Let�s not worry about that stuff right now, okay? We�ll work
it out after Angelus is dead.�

�You�re being
optimistic.�

�I just had the
best orgasm of my life. I feel like I could rule the bloody world.�

�Really? The best?� Buffy
asked, grinning.

�Oh
yeah.�

�You should see
what it feels like when I bite you while you�re fucking me.� Buffy told him,
her grin morphing into a teasing smirk.

Spike groaned,
her words his undoing. �Oh, god, kitten. Want you.
Want you now��

�Yes, yes,� Buffy
panted, letting Spike roll her over onto her back. He grabbed her legs, hoisted
them up�

And she cried out
in pain.

Spike jumped away
from her, a horrified look on his face. �Buffy�I� I�m so sorry, baby.�

She winced, but
pulled herself up so she was sitting. �It�s okay,� she assured him, reaching out
to take his hand where he now stood next to the bed. �I guess we both just got
a little carried away.�

�You should
probably rest more. Let that fresh human blood do some good.� He winked at her.

Buffy stretched
against the sheets, letting his hand slip from hers, though she had a smile on
her face. �Best meal I�ve had in a long time.�

Spike wondered if
that should bother him, but somehow, it only managed to make him want her more.
He didn�t know what it was about this woman that changed how he saw everything,
how he felt about everything. In only a few short days, she�d turned his
whole world on his head, made him love what he�d spent so long hating.

He leaned over
and kissed her on the forehead. �Sleep, baby. Let
those burns heal. I�m going to take a shower, and then I�ll come take a nap
with you, all right?�

�Okay.� Buffy
turned away from him, hugging the pillow. Spike started for the bathroom,
though he stopped when he heard her soft voice call out his name.

�Spike?�

�Yeah, kitten?�

�I think I love
you, too.�

Spike grinned
broadly, those words enough for him now, and Buffy shyly smiled back.

*** *** ***

Buffy couldn�t sleep
as she listened to the water running in the shower. Her thoughts were going too
fast, what had just transpired between herself and Spike keeping her from being
able to rest.

She had no idea
how she�d gotten into this situation. Only a few days ago, she�d been certain
she was in love with Angelus and they would be together forever. Literally.

Now, she was
falling hard for someone else. A human. A human who hunted her kind.
She should be more worried about killing him before he killed her, and yet the very
thought of hurting him made her feel sick. And on top of that, she believed him
completely when he said he had no further intentions of staking her.

But what was that
going to mean for them? She had a feeling Spike wouldn�t be happy with her
feeding on humans. She knew she could either promise to only feed on animal
blood or possibly get him to agree to her feeding but not killing, but either
one of those would be nearly impossible for her to adhere to. She was, at her
core, a predator. Granted, she knew she wasn�t nearly as vicious as many of her
kind, and some things Angelus had done had downright disturbed her, but she was
still a vampire. Humans were food to her, and she�d never had a problem with
that.

But Spike had a
problem with it. Buffy worried her bottom lip between blunt teeth, wondering if
she�d really be capable of changing everything she was in order to make Spike
happy. She wanted to make Spike
happy. Holy water bath aside, he�d treated her better than anyone had in a very
long time. He made her feel cherished and wanted � something Angelus had always
denied her.

And something had
happened in this apartment, something Buffy couldn�t explain and didn�t truly
understand, though she couldn�t deny it either. Despite the circumstances of
their meeting, she and Spike had managed to make a connection, to find
something in each other they�d been searching for. She�d known the first moment
he touched her in something other than anger that everything had just changed.

But once they left the apartment�

Buffy didn�t
doubt for a moment what she was feeling was love. It had come on suddenly and
caught her completely off guard, but it was too strong to be anything else.
However, she wasn�t na�ve enough to think it was going to work either. As much
as she wanted Spike, she knew once he was done with his revenge, everything
would change for them yet again. They�d have to try to live in the real world
together, not shut off like they were now.

That, Buffy knew,
would never work.

For starters, not
only would she have to give up feeding, but he would have to give up hunting
her kind. She was no more comfortable with the idea of sharing a bed with a man
who hunted down and dusted vampires than he was with her feeding from humans.
What if he dusted one of her friends?

And how long
would it be until they stopped getting along? Right now, things seemed okay,
but Buffy knew that was probably because there was so much sexual tension
between them. It was hard to argue with a man who was eating you out until you
saw stars. But what if they tried for an actual relationship? How long would it
be until their two words collided? Would they end up only resenting each other?

A sinking feeling
settled in the pit of her stomach as Buffy realized what they had was
completely and irrevocably doomed.

The only chance
they had was something Buffy didn�t even want to consider. She knew it was
something Spike wouldn�t want, and the idea of doing it to him anyway made her
ill. In the quarter of a century she�d spent as a vampire, she�d never turned
anyone, and she never planned to. Her own turning had been horrific, full of
fear and pain, and she�d never do that to Spike.

Honestly, she
wasn�t even sure how to do it. She
knew the basics � she drank from him, he drank from her. That part would be
easy. But there were so many nuances to it, so many rules for how to make a
minion versus a childe, how much blood to give to determine when the fledgling
would wake up � and then of course all the debates over whether it was best to
follow ritual, or if vampires in a modern era no longer needed all of that.

Angelus had tried
to explain it to her once, and it had all made her
head spin.

She wished they
could just stay locked away in the apartment forever, forgetting about the
outside world. She liked it here. Despite what she�d endured in the bathroom,
she felt safe and warm now, wrapped up in Spike-scented sheets.

The shower went
off, and soon after, the bathroom door opened. Spike walked out into the main
room, using a towel to dry himself off, though he
hadn�t bothered to actually cover up. It was the first glimpse Buffy had gotten
of his entire body, and she was far from disappointed. He was gorgeous. And
hung like a stallion�

She didn�t want
to think about the inevitable time in the future when she�d have to give him
up. Not now. Now she just wanted to enjoy the time they had.

Spike dropped the
towel and slid under the sheets with her, bringing her into his arms. The holy
water had done more damage to her front than her back, and as long as she was
mindful of her legs, it was easy to let him hold her like this, to stay pressed
against his warm body. She could hear the steady beat of his heart, feel his
breath stirring against her hair, and it calmed her, lulled her into a peaceful
state she hadn�t known in years.

�Are you feeling
any better?� he asked, his hand gently ghosting over her arm.

�Yeah. The burns are all itchy, like they�re healing up.�
She squirmed in his arms. �The skin�s pulling, too.�

Spike kissed her
temple. �I�m glad you�re starting to heal. Sorry it�s itching and pulling,
though.�

�At least it�s a
good sign.� Buffy snuggled closer to him, feeling his erection nudging against
her, resting between her thighs. She hummed low in her throat, enjoying the
comfort in the intimate moment.

�Do you like
being a vampire?�

His question took
her completely by surprise, seeming to her to have come from nowhere. She
turned in his arms, the quiet moment she�d been enjoying shattered. �Huh?�

�I�ve never
really talked to a vampire before,� Spike admitted. �There tends to just be
fighting and then dust. I never really gave a lot of thought to how they feel
or what they think about. I just saw them all as monsters. But then I met you,
and it made me start thinking about what vampires are like past the blood and
the fangs. I always assumed they just focused on feeding and that was it. But you� Well, you don�t really seem very happy.�

�I think I used
to be,� Buffy said. �Maybe. I know�I know I was before
I was turned. And then sometimes, things with Angelus were pretty good. I
guess. Looking back, I don�t know.� She sighed, moving out of his arms, though
not away from him.

�He could be
really cruel. The beginning�the beginning was especially bad. He kept me for
several days before he turned me, did things to me that I�� She stopped,
swallowed hard. �It was difficult. I was sixteen, and he was� When he finally
turned me, I was still terrified, even after I woke up. But eventually, things
calmed down, and I realized I loved him. I mean, he didn�t do it to hurt me.
Not really. He just�he just wanted to keep me.�

Spike hadn�t
thought it was possible for him to hate Angelus anymore, but as he listened to
Buffy, he realized he�d been wrong. He could only begin to imagine what Angelus
would�ve done to a sixteen year old girl he�d had at his mercy.

He could also
imagine what Buffy had been like then. The vampire he�d met in the alley had
been tough, but the girl he knew now�she was something else. She was�

She was broken.
And he�d done it to her.

�Spike?�

�Yes, love?�

�What�what
happened with you wife? When did Angelus kill her?�

Spike didn�t want
to talk about Drusilla. He�d never liked talking about her death, and had
always had to be incredibly drunk in the past in order to spill. But he knew
that after Buffy had answered his question � at least to an extent � he owed
her an answer to one of her own as well.

�Ten years ago. I
was twenty-four, and Dru and I were newly married. We were madly, blissfully in
love.� A small, bittersweet smile formed on his face, and Buffy tried to
suppress the rush of jealousy she felt.

Spike�s smile
faded away when he began to speak again. �But then she changed. She became
paranoid, terrified constantly. Kept insisting a demon was after her,
tormenting her. She�d tell me stories of things that happened while she was
out, or when I was at work, and�well, they seemed crazy. She begged me to do
things like call a priest to bless the house, put garlic at all the doors and
windows, hang crosses on every wall, and I didn�t. I�I didn�t believe her at
all. She kept getting more and more hysterical until she was rambling on about
the Devil, refusing to sleep or leave the house. I thought she was insane.�

He let out a
deep, shuddering breath, his eyes closing as he relived the painful memory. �I
worked late a lot then, even though she�d beg me not to leave her alone after
dark. But I did, and I came home one night to� She was dead. She was on the
couch, her neck torn out. I ran to her, picked her up, and there was nothing,
no pulse, no breath. And then he was
there, standing over me, taunting me.

�I still don�t
know how I survived that night. Angelus came after me, but somehow, I managed
to escape. I got to a neighbor�s house, who called the police, but by the time
they got there, Angelus was long gone � not that they would�ve done any good
anyway. From that moment on, I became obsessed with hunting him down, of
hunting down any vampire I could find.�

Buffy pulled
further away from him, her head ducked down, and Spike felt a cold wash of
dread that he�d said too much. He didn�t know how she felt about the fact he
killed her kind, and he didn�t want to lose whatever this was they were
building because he�d reminded her of it. �Buffy? What�s wrong, sweetheart?� he
asked.

�It�s my fault,
Spike,� she said.

Her words were
whispered, yet Spike managed to hear them nonetheless. �What�s your fault,
pigeon?�

�What happened to
your wife.�

Spike froze, her assertion far from what he�d expected. �How so?�

�I� I left him.
Angelus and I�we broke up for a while, about ten years ago. And�and it had to
be the same time, because I don�t remember any of what you just said. He�well�I
met his sire, and she looked so much like me, that it made me think he only
turned me to replace her or something, and I got angry, and we had this big
fight, and I�I left for a while. It must�ve�it must�ve made him want to really
hurt someone, and he picked your wife. I�m sorry.�

�Oh, Buffy,�
Spike said, pulling her back into his arms. �It�s not your fault. You can�t
blame yourself for what Angelus did. He killed Drusilla because that�s what he
wanted to do, not because you left him.�

�But if I hadn�t
left��

�Not your fault,�
Spike insisted.

Buffy looked up
hesitantly. �You really don�t blame me?�

�No,
baby. Not at
all.�

Fear abated, Buffy
sighed, visibly relaxing. Spike pulled her against his chest again, softly
rubbing her back as he pressed gentle kisses against her hairline. She felt so good in his arms, her skin warming from
his touch, making him forget what she was completely.

He wanted to take
her away, find someplace where they could hide away from the rest of the world.
He was determined to make things work, to find a way to keep her with him.

But he had to do
this one last thing first. He had to kill Angelus. Even if he had done the
impossible and found love a second time, he still owed it to Drusilla to finish
what he�d started. He had to be able to finally put an end to that chapter of
his life.

Then, he could
finally start another.

*** *** ***

Yes, I know I
took a break from posting after going five days in a row, but I am, in fact,
human. Thanks to those of you who were patient.

Please review.
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Love and Death Embrace