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Heart's Desire	By : PencilNeck Category: -Buffy the Vampire Slayer > FemmeSlash - Female/Female > Buffy/Faith Views: 9582 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Chapter 12: These Dreams

Buffy opens her eyes.
It�s really bright. She balls her
fists onto her eyes, trying to get them to adjust. She blinks.
Everything comes into focus.
She�s in a beautiful park.
There�s a picnic. Checkered
blanket under a perfect shade tree�

�Check it out� It�s
just like old times!� Faith steps up
behind her. She wraps her arm around
Buffy�s shoulders, leading into the scene.
She sits, cross-legged on the blanket, and starts tearing into the
picnic basket, pulling out an enormous amount of delicious looking food. �Oh, did you want anything?�

�Is there cake?�
Buffy sits across from the other girl, grinning affectionately. �I like cake.�

�Problem is, there�s the whole, �have your cake and eat it
too� thing.� Faith stuffs her face,
while rooting through the food.

�Y�know? I never got that. I always thought it should
be �eat your cake and have�� Buffy�s
thoughts are interrupted by the sound of a rooster crowing from afar. �It�s not morning��

�Doesn�t matter. Looks like rain.� Faith stands up, and looks up into the clear
blue sky. Not a cloud in sight. �Definitely, big storm
coming.�

Buffy frowns. �Will
that ruin it all?� She looks as though
she�s going to cry.

�It�s already ruined.�
Faith looks down at all the food.
It�s rotted and covered in squirming maggots and worms.

Suddenly, it�s dark as night. Storm clouds are thick and heavy in the
sky. The wind whips up, burning their
skin like fire, and rain bursts from the sky.

�Can we save anything?�
Buffy looks through the disgusting moldy fare, hoping
to find something that might have been spared. Faith grabs her hand and lifts her up.

�Maybe we can save everything.� Faith pushes a wet strand of blonde hair from
Buffy�s face. She leans in, still holding
her hand.

A burst of white shoots through the sky,
blinding the girls, hitting the tree.
A crack of thunder shakes the heavens, and the hills below.

****************************

�Gaaaah!�

Buffy sits upright in the bed, heart pounding. She inhales and exhales, trying to slow her
heart to a normal person pace. She
quickly checks that she hasn�t disturbed her sister. Nope.
Dawn�s still snoring peacefully.

She thinks carefully about the dream, knowing that she�ll
have to tell Giles about it when he arrives in the morning. Which is now. She looks out to see the sun shining high in
the clear blue. Nope, it�s past
now. Giles is already here.

With a groan, she flops back on the bed, closing her eyes.

�I am so done with the cryptic!�

****************************

�Gaaaah!�

Faith awakes with a jolt, opening her eyes. Bad idea. The sunshine hits her face, making her pupils
contract way too fast. Squinting, she
reaches for her jeans, pulls them on. Slips her smokes from her back pocket, walking slowly to the
window. She sits on the sill,
feet up. Lights up and takes a long
drag.

She stares out the window, trying to piece together as much
of the dream as she remembers. Giles
will wanna know. Even
if it didn�t make any sense. Even if it was mostly stupid.

She finishes her smoke, and lets it fall. She watches it this time as it flies
downward, although it�s more fun at night when you can see the red spark as it
lands. She roots through her drawer for
a shirt, and slips it on over her tank.
Training will take the edge off.
Then she�ll go see Giles.

�This blows.� She
walks out, letting the door slam behind her.

****************************

Buffy rolls over in the bed.
Dawn�s gone. She stretches her
arms out and over her head, sitting up. It�s nice to sleep in a real bed. Hostels aren�t so much with the comfort. She swings her legs over the edge, and bends
to root through her bag. She�s gotta
have some clean clothes left. Her eyes
flicker over the room. She sees a pile
of soft clean clothes folded on the chair by the window. They�re hers.
Nice.

�Dawn, I will never taunt you again.� She smiles and walks over to the chair,
shedding her worn khakis and sweatshirt onto the floor. �Well.
Not today.� Casts
off her underclothes, kicking them toward her backpack. She�ll pick them up later. Right now she�s desperate to pull something
new over her skin.

She slips into the bra and panties, and slides her long thin
legs into a pair of dark, low slung jeans.
Pulls the silky top over her head and down over her torso. Gasps as a waft of fabric
softener smell hits her senses. Lets herself enjoy the moment. She�s missed the smell of clean.

She checks herself out in the full length mirror. Not bad.
The clothes fit her pretty well.
Bit loose. She�s thinner, if
that�s possible. She might need a
belt. The blouse is a muted dark green,
like washed out emeralds. She runs her
fingers through her hair, smoothing out the tangles from her fitful sleep. It�s white blonde now, from the months she
spent in the hot sun. But she�d had to
cut some of the darker colour off, so it�s a bit shorter. Still, it runs down her back, slipping over
her shoulders and nestling into her not-so-ample cleavage. Buffy frowns.
Pushes her breasts up. Sighs. Lets them settle back down. They�re smaller too.

There�s a tentative knock on the door.

�S�ok, Dawn, I�m dressed�� Buffy turns to the door, expecting her sister
to come barreling in.

�Buffy?� The door
opens, and in slips�

�Willow! Oh, Will!�
Buffy�s running to the door, and she scoops Willow
up in her arms, swinging her around. �I
missed you so much!�

�And that�s what I�ll tell the doctors when they admit me to
the E.R.!� But Willow
is laughing, and returning the embrace with all of her non-slayer might.

Eventually, Buffy puts her friend down, and they sit on the
edge of Dawn�s bed. There�s so much to
say, but neither seem to be able to do much more than stare, and smile, and
look away. Look at their hands. Buffy feels tears welling, and digs her nails
into her hand to stop them.

�I don�t�� Buffy
starts.

�Did you�� Willow
blurts.

�I�m sorry, you go.�
Buffy wants to hear her friend babble.
It�s comforting. She can�t
remember when things were so quiet between them.

�So, um. Did you know that Kenn
and I broke up?� It�s not what she
wanted to say, but best start with the easier stuff.

�Yeah, Dawn told me.
But you always get back together� eventually. You want to right?� Buffy doesn�t know if Willow
knows.

�It�s complicated.
But yeah, I think so.� Willow
sighs. �If she�ll have me. She was so hurt when I left.�

�Why did you?� Buffy
starts. �Leave, I mean.�

�I was exhausted. And
I needed to go. The whole thing� the
spell� drained me. And there was stuff�
I felt� Why did you?� Willow
breathes. �Leave, I mean.�

�I needed to.� Buffy
smiles at her friend and then lowers her head.
�I was a coward.�

Willow puts her
hand over Buffy�s. �Everybody gets
scared. But��

�What I did� And then
she showed me� I saw...�

�I saw it too. It
went through me. It was so strong. I can�t believe we never saw it before.� Willow
lifts Buffy�s chin. �What are you going to do about it?�

�What can I do? What
can I say? Hey, sorry about the whole
pain and torture thing. Sorry I took
every nightmare and bad memory and made it real.� Buffy runs her hair through her hands,
getting up from the bed and starting to pace.
�Sorry you let me back into your life and I thanked you for it by��
She�s going to make herself say it. She
forces it through clenched teeth. �raping you and leaving you to die. So wanna go get a drink
sometime? It�s unforgivable. I�m unforgivable.�

�You�re not unforgivable.
You two� you�ve been through a lot of badness. And you got over it. Both of you. And it wasn�t you��

�It WAS me! All of it
was ME. I wasn�t possessed. I wasn�t out of my body. I was THERE.
And I� wanted�� Buffy look is
pleading.

Willow looks at
Buffy. For a moment, it looks like Willow
might cry. But then her features set
hard. Resolve face.

�Buffy. Sit.� Buffy sits on the bed. Willow
takes her hand gently.

�I�m gonna say some stuff here. You�re not gonna like it. But you�re gonna listen to me now.� Willow
squeezes her hand, to soften what�s coming.

�Buffy. I love
you. And I get you. What you�re doing right now? Not helping.
You�re feeling guilty and� you should.
You can be selfish, and sometimes you don�t see things or pay
attention. Like right now. You�re so busy beating yourself up, but about
the wrong stuff. It�s still all about
you. What you did. Your guilt. Your pain.�

Buffy opens her mouth to protest. But a look from Willow
stops her. She shuts up.

�You know, she agreed to the spell before she even knew what
it was about. Before
she�d even healed. Even when I
told her what she�d have to do, she didn�t hesitate. She may not have wanted to help, but she
needed to. She let you in, again. To save you, Buffy. And then you left. Even knowing everything, you left. What do you think that did to her?�

�Oh, God.� Buffy chokes it out. �I just couldn�t� didn�t want her to see me. I thought��

�I know. You thought
that she�d be OK if you weren�t around to remind her. You thought she�d be better off.� Willow
moves her hand from Buffy�s, reaching over to rub the girl�s back. Small comforts. �That�s guilt talking. Stupidness, and
guilt. And if you saw what I saw, you
know that.�

�I saw. I saw
her. It was� themostbeautifulthingI�veeverseen.� Buffy says it quickly. Squeezing it out against her
own better judgment.

�I felt that from you.
And from her.�
Willow doesn�t know how much
more Buffy can take. �I know, y�know.�

Buffy looks at her, eyebrows raised.

�I know. What your
heart wanted. What it asked. And I know how she answered.� Willow
tries to keep her eyes steady, keep the accusatory tone out of her voice. �How could you walk away from that?�

�I� I�� Buffy tries to speak. Willow
gets up to go.

�I don�t need to know the answer. But you do.
And so does she.�

And Willow
leaves. Leaves Buffy
to think. Leaves
to find Kennedy. They have a lot
to talk about.

****************************

�Look, the syntax in this translation is wrong! Way wrong.�
Dawn pokes her finger down on the open pages. The desk shakes with the force. �If we had the last copy of the Oraculum, you�d see I�m right.�

�Dawn, I understand that this is trying for you� And another Oraculum
would only provide another translation.
I�m afraid I don�t see�� Giles is
worried about his prot�g�e. He leans
back on the desk, staring out at all the research materials cluttering his
desk.

�Right. You don�t see. You don�t se me, anyway. Right here, you know. Full on Watcher. And I�m really, really good at it.� She rushes over to the computer. Clicks to the browser,
pulls up a page from Ebay. �Look!
It�s right there. Doesn�t even
know what he�s got. Thinks it�s some religious thing.�
She turns the screen for Giles to see.

�Good heavens.� Giles
stares down at the screen. Peering at it through his glasses �The Satyasatvan
AgranirUpaNa. Ancient scrolls, in Sanskrit and
Avestan� Is it
authentic? It had better be, with the
price��

�I looked at some of the pictures he provided. It�s authentic. It�s the Slayer Prophecies. A much older copy. Maybe the first copy�� Dawn looks at him triumphantly. �We need to have this. Express shipping is overnight!�

�Of course� Excellent work, Dawn. I�m sorry I ever� And when did you learn Avestan?� Giles
looks at her with new eyes as she clicks �Buy it Now�,
and enters the Council credit card number from memory.

�I told you. I�m
really, really good.� Dawn is comfortable with gloating. Gloating is good.

There�s a knock, and they look up to see Faith leaning on
the doorframe. �Hey. Don�t wanna interrupt the nerd-fest, but I
got some juicy new nightmares to share.�

Giles motions for her to come in, and she takes a seat on
the windowsill.

�So, spill it. What
you got for us nerds?� Dawn asks with a
wry smile.

As Faith relates the events of her slayer
dream, both Giles and Dawn write down the details. When she�s finished, they compare notes. Faith fidgets in her seat.

Finally Giles speaks.

�Could you repeat the part about the rooster?�

�Like I said, Buffy was talking about cake. We heard a rooster. She said �It�s not morning.�� Faith rolls her
eyes. �That sounds really dumb. It was dumb.�

�Actually, I think it�s quite a valuable piece of the
puzzle. And you both heard the call, the
crowing?� Giles is flipping excitedly
through his private collection.

�Yes, Giles. We both heard the damned bird.� Faith gets up. �If that�s all. I�m gonna go� away.�

�Yes, yes� Quite��
Giles is lost in his books.

�Actually Faith. I have a question.� Dawn looks a bit scared.

Faith nods.

�Uhm. At the end of your dream. You said �maybe we can save everything�� what
exactly was happening when you said that?�

�I think I fixed her hair.
It was all straggly in the rain.
I was holding her hand still. And
I think I was leaning in to� unh...� Faith
looks at the stone floor. The rug.

�But the big boom
stopped you, right?� Dawn writes
everything down. �Thanks Faith. It really could be important.�

�You know me. All about the sharing.�
Faith deadpans, before walking out the door.
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Heart's Desire